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Surface RT Updates

I have a Surface RT, the old-school first edition, and hope you can advise me. I had ditched this archaic device for an Android tablet, which worked great, but alas was taken by an ex-girlfriend in a situation I also wish you could help me with (but will spare you). I write a lot, so brought the RT back to life—or so I thought. The problems are beyond belief. I’ve checked with Microsoft, Googled until my brain hurts, and this Surface RT is just unable to update properly or use the Store, which makes it further obsolete because I can’t receive anything considered new (8.1 RT), thanks to an error regarding network speed. I’ve checked my Internet connection, and it’s fine. I’ve attempted to go Ethernet, but there’s nothing compatible. I even bought Microsoft’s USB Ethernet adapter. Am I out of luck, or is it possible

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