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    For You, Mom. Finally.: Previously published as Not Becoming My Mother
    Unavailable
    For You, Mom. Finally.: Previously published as Not Becoming My Mother
    Unavailable
    For You, Mom. Finally.: Previously published as Not Becoming My Mother
    Audiobook1 hour

    For You, Mom. Finally.: Previously published as Not Becoming My Mother

    Published by Penguin Random House Audio

    3.5/5

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    Currently unavailable

    Currently unavailable

    About this audiobook

    Bestselling author Ruth Reichl examines her mother's life-and gives voice to the unarticulated truths of a generation of exceptional women 

    A former New York Times restaurant critic, editor in chief of Gourmet, and the author of three bestselling memoirs, Ruth Reichl is a beloved cultural figure in the food world and beyond. Not Becoming My Mother is her openhearted investigation of the life of a woman she realizes she never really knew-her mother. Through letters and diaries-and a new afterword relating the wisdom she's gained after sharing her story-Reichl confronts the transition her mother made from a hopeful young woman to an increasingly unhappy older one and recognizes the huge sacrifices made to ensure that her daughter's life would not be as disappointing as her own.

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherPenguin Random House Audio
    Release dateApr 21, 2009
    ISBN9781101050965
    Unavailable
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    Reviews for For You, Mom. Finally.

    3.5/5

    203 ratings33 reviews

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    • 1/5
      maybe a nice long magazine article, but this 1110 page, double spaced, half sized book is a waste of trees! There is a story there but the author did not have enough resources to flesh it out.
    • 3/5
      Interesting on the plight of educated women caught in the prevailing expectations of women in the 50's and 60's. Quick read.
    • 4/5
      Ruth Reichl is an author, and former New York Times restaurant critic and editor of the now defunct Gourmet magazine. Over the course of her memoirs, starting with Tender at the Bone, Reichl has told many stories about her mother. Miriam was a poor housekeeper, enthusiastic yet spectacularly awful cook and prone to whirlwind starts to projects only to see them fizzle without completion. Her guests sometimes suffered food poisoning as a result of her disregard to the effects of mold and bizarre food combinations. In the past, Reichl has told these stories with great humor. However, the recent discovery of a box full of her mother's papers led to a re-assessment of Miriam and Reichl's deeper understanding of her mother's many quirks and failings. Reichl comes to see her mother as a woman of talent, thwarted from following her dreams and pushed into marriage. In the afterword, she invites her readers to move from the specific to the the universal in examining how American society has approached child-rearing, homemaking and professional life, particularly as to mid-20th century women. This is a slim book and easy to read. It will be of special interest to those who have read Ms. Reichl's earlier works, as well as anyone who has struggled to understand parent/child relationships. It is not a book tailored for 'foodies.' I had the opportunity to hear Ms. Reichl speak about the genesis of this book. I was moved by the emotion which she still brings to her re-evaluation of her mother and Reichl's gratitude for the sacrifices she failed to see at the time, but recognizes now. Perhaps none of us can truly appreciate our parents except through adult eyes.
    • 4/5
      bittersweet, touching.
    • 4/5
      This is a lovely account about a woman describing her mother's life by reading her mother's letters after she died. The author comes to understand and appreciate her mother in a way that wasn't possible through observations when she was alive. It is a short book that can be read in one sitting or a few hours spread apart.
    • 4/5
      I've long enjoyed Reichl's work -- this one is hard, because she tackles the toxic life of the brilliant woman who became a housewife in a restrictive time. There are many hard truths in here, but it's a loving portrait.
    • 4/5
      a good book to read
    • 3/5
      Ruth Reichl is a food critic, chef, food writer and the former editor of Gourmet magazine. When Reichl was cleaning out her mother's things after her death, she came upon a box of letters that her mother had written over the years. Ruth remembered her mother as being eccentric and somewhat manic – her illogical antics were often an embarrassment to her young daughter. After her father's death, her mother was so depressed she spent several years in bed. In between, she seemed to be searching for a life. But even a well educated, cultured young woman in the 1920's was expected to give up her job and become a housewife once she married lest people believed her husband couldn't support her. Was she actually bipolar? Or was it that her unfulfilled longings created her unrest and moodiness?Reichl seems to believe that her mother wasn't really bipolar, but that her unfilled life caused her problems.As someone with a bipolar offspring, I tend to believe that bipolar is a metabolic and genetic disorder. An unfilled, frustrating life wouldn't cause the condition but might well limit the coping skills to deal with it, especially at a time when the condition was not acknowledged or understood.I found Reichl's description of life with a bipolar mother and her mother's life quite interesting, but having such a large disagreement with the author over the causes of bipolar disorder, I can't give this one more than three stars.
    • 4/5
      Really enjoyed this story of the author's mother told from notes and journals that she found after her mother's death. You receive an even better picture and understanding of her mother that she was not able to give in her first book Tender at the Bone.

    • 5/5
      5***** and a &#10084

      Reichl’s mother Miriam was an indifferent housekeeper and a terrible cook – guests at her dinner parties were known to wind up in the hospital having their stomachs pumped due to poisoning. She was an educated, intelligent woman in a society that expected women to marry and stay at home. So when she was nearing thirty Miriam submitted to expectations and settled for conformity. She hated it, and lived much of her life in a desperately unhappy state. Miriam poured her frustrations, dreams, hopes and disappointments into diaries, letters and jotted notes on the backs of grocery receipts, all of which she kept in a gift box, tied with twine and hidden away in a basement corner. She never wrote the story of her life, but Reichl has used those notes to write her mother’s story.

      What a wonderful tribute to a mother’s love and lasting gift to her child. Miriam was unhappy in her life, but she tried to instill in her daughter the notion that she did not have to live her life in any way but the way she, herself, chose. She gave Ruthy the permission, and encouragement, to pursue her own dreams. To “NOT” become her mother.

      Ruth Reichl narrates the audio book herself and she is magnificent. She conveys humor and compassion, frustration and pride, and above all a great love for her mother who helped make her what she is – and is NOT – today.
    • 3/5
      Although I enjoyed this book well enough, I wish it was longer and deeper. I felt that Reichl just barely touched the surface of her mother's life. The book is very short, and took me less than one hour to read.
    • 4/5
      A lovely meditation on the expectations placed on women over the years to sacrifice their own interests and ambition in order to get married and raise a family. Ruth Reichl examines her own mother's frustration and the effect it had on her decisions. Great companion read to her trilogy of memoirs, which I also loved.

    • 4/5
      I listened to this on the way home yesterday. 1.5 hrs of interesting listening. I will say it is nice to hear it in the author's own voice.. and sometimes I could not tell if her voice was cracking b'c she was tired or b'c it was still affecting her years later.

      It is a poignant novel. One she says she wished she had written long ago. But I think the passage of time probably has softened her stance as well as not having to confront her mother at this time.

      Sue said that it sounded like alot of misery thru the book, but it ends on a hopeful note for both her mother and herself. So many people have family members with mental illness who do not end things with a hopeful note.
    • 3/5
      I love Reichl's writing, it's as rich and rewarding as a chocolate truffle. Having read her other memoirs, and from the title, I expected more stories about her crazy mother. Instead, Reichl writes about the frustration and oppression that made her mother (and others of her generation) so very unhappy. Most women born in the early part of the 20th century weren't allowed to follow dreams of a career. Ms. Reichl's mother wanted to be a doctor, but did what was expected of her and became a wife and mother.
      The book is a lovely tribute to that generation of women.
    • 3/5
      Culinary author Ruth Reichl, now editor-in-chief of Gourmet magazine, writes the story of her relationship with her mother, who at the time was a stay at home Mom as most moms were. Writing on the dilemma that many of the age lives with, finding a fulfilling life in the home. It's a problem that young women today can not even imagine. Now the conundrum is how to balance house, home, children, and career. Thought provoking for those beyond the Baby Boomer Age.
    • 5/5
      Ruth Reichl's memoir of her mother would be a good companion to James McBride's memoir The Color of Water and Diane Keaton's new memoir, too. In it, she asserts that her mother, Miriam, consciously and subconsciously did much to discourage Ruth from following in her footsteps. What Miriam wanted most of all was to be a career woman--she wanted to be a doctor but her own parents told her that she would never marry if she did. And marriage at that time, the '50s and '60s, was all important to women. It's just that Miriam was not suited to it. And so she was a "failure" and a disaster at domestic duties, and her life in many ways was a search for some work to do that would be rewarding and fulfilling. Reichl's book is not a "feel good" book excusing her mother for her inability to be June Cleaver. But it is a book in which the author acknowledges the desert that the life of the housewife was to some women who had many gifts and few outlets for their talents. It's not an easy book to read, but those of us who had mothers who we knew would have made great nurses, doctors, business people, etc. and for one reason or another were not able to find their way into those careers will find themselves understanding their mothers much better.
    • 3/5
      Sifting through a box of her mother's papers, Ms. Reichl's remembers her growing up years and what her mother taught her. The bottom line: don't settle for what I settled for.And so today, when people ask, “Why do you work so hard?” I think of my mother, who was not allowed to do it, and say, “Because I can.” . . . In her own oblique way Mom passed on all the knowledge she had gleaned, giving me the tools I needed not to become her.Short, somewhat repetitive, but a sweet memoir. (2.7 stars)
    • 3/5
      Short-2 CD's. Having read Tender at the Bone, I was interested in her mother, a manic-depressive repressed woman of a bygone era. By reading her mother's diaries, Reichl comes to understand her, sees her in a new light. Not as enjoyable as Tender, but worth reading.
    • 1/5
      Not sure who the intented audience for this book is. She seems like a pretty self agrandizing person. In the end, I found little sympathy for the author, but great sympathy for her mother who had t put up with such a child. What sort of self-absorbed person wouldn't realize that she had a pretty good mother all along. Reichel would have been fortunate to have been her mother instead of running away from her all her life. Getting to that conclusion in the book was tedious, boring and the writing was not uplifiting or inspiring. I could write a better book than this on the back of an envelope.
    • 3/5
      Touching little book. Less a memoir than a very personal meditation on the author's mother, the impact of attitudes towards women just after WW2, and the legacy handed down to her. Doesn't read like the author's other books (which I love). But a quick, enjoyable read nevertheless. And really got me thinking about the lives of my grandmother's generation.
    • 5/5
      Having read some of Ruth's other books, with the stories of the terrible things her mother did, I thought this book would be exceedingly funny. Instead it was quite sad. Miriam, a woman of intelligence, was born into the wrong time period and struggled, unsuccessfully, against its strictures. She was determined that her daughter wouldn’t suffer the same fate.
    • 4/5
      Not Becoming My Mother is a great book. It is a quick read and an eye opener. It really makes you think about if your mother was happy while you were going up. With the age gap it is probably closer to one of my mothers siblings than my own mother but it still makes me wonder. It also makes me think of my own life of being a young mother of two and right now being a stay at home mom. Definitly a book I think all women should read.
    • 4/5
      Not becoming My Mother By Ruth Reichl. Every daughter should read this. Given the opportunity to explore a box of old letters and diary like excerpts, Ruth Reichl pieces together a new, different mother. Ruth Reichl is an accomplished memoirist, writer, editor, cook and businesswoman. Her previous writings delve into her life from early childhood through today and are wonderfully entertaining and heartfelt. This book, a small novelette, focus's on Ruth's mother. An important, influential person in her life but one that she did not fully understand until a box of letters and diary entries are found. These writings detail for Ruth more about her mother than she ever knew and help her piece together some of the mystery that was their family and her mother's character in general. Every daughter (really, sons too!) should relate to the feeling that unexpectedly is revealed, at some point in your life, that your mother is a "person." That you are a part of her life but that her life existed before you and will after you move out on your own into adulthood. That a mother's desires, dreams, regrets and fears are real. They are not less important or life changing than your own. They need to be respected, understood, for better or for worse. The author finds this out after her mother's death. The reader may wonder what would have happened had she learned these things sooner or perhaps, take the time to learn from the experience and call your mother.
    • 2/5
      I was disappointed in this memoir. I felt that it lacked substance. I wanted to get to know the author's mother, who sounded like an interesting person to know, but this book merely scratched the surface.
    • 3/5
      Reichl has always had a peculiar relationship with her mother, a love-hate, an adore-loate, a respect-revolt relationship. Her mother, Miriam, longed to be a doctor, but her parents refused, saying if she became a doctor she’d never fulfill the only real purpose a woman should have in life: to find a husband. So Miriam complied and got a degree she didn’t want, married a man she didn’t love, gave up a career she desired, and had children she never wanted. Reichl uses her mother’s letters and journals to tell her mother’s story, a cautionary tale for Ruth, of course, but also for women everywhere.
    • 4/5
      This homage to the author's mother turned out to be a delightful little book. I was dubious at the beginning because of the talk of thwarted lives of the stay-at-home-mom generation. However, I soon warmed up to the book after the accumulation of a life well lived began to unravel. Reichl discovered the mother she never knew through an old box containing letters and scraps of paper that recorded the thoughts and desires of a misunderstood woman. Although her mother didn't realize her dreams, she created an atmosphere in which her daughter could accomplish hers. As I said above...a life well lived.
    • 4/5
      Audiobook. A good book. Reichl goes back and uncovers her mother's life from her letters. Comes to know a woman she didn't really know when she was alive. Well done and compelling. An interesting mother/ daughter point. Her mother taught her, did everything she could do, to ensure that she didn't become her mother. I had a mother who invented herself (went to college and became a school teacher when no one in her time and place really did) because she didn't want to be her mother. The variations on this theme are endless. A book I'd recommend.
    • 4/5
      A slim book, in both senses of the word. She's a wonderful writer, and it was interesting to learn more about her mother, but the book was more a short story than a book and so slightly unsatisfying.
    • 4/5
      In Not Becoming My Mother, Ruth Reichl tells some familiar stories of her mother. But, she also writes a love letter to the woman who raised her and allowed her to make her own path in life. And, she sends a thank you letter to those women who, trapped in their generation, gave those of us who are their daughters and granddaughters, the chance to lead our lives. It's a book that might open our eyes, and allow us to say thank you to our own mothers. So, thank you, Ruth Reichl.
    • 4/5
      Reichl is a born storyteller, and I have always enjoyed the "Mim Tales" she shared about her mother. In this short book, Reichl shares with us the other side of her mother, about a woman who struggled to be happy and did all she could to not have her daughter lead the same kind of life. Two generations removed from the women's movement, it is always interesting to me to see just how different choices were for women in the past.