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Love Times Three: The True Story of a Polygamous Marriage

Love Times Three: The True Story of a Polygamous Marriage


Love Times Three: The True Story of a Polygamous Marriage

avaliações:
4.5/5 (14 avaliações)
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9 horas
Editora:
Lançado em:
Sep 13, 2011
ISBN:
9780062097309
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Audiolivro

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He runs his own business and coaches Little League. She drives a minivan, and she'd be lost without her trusty BlackBerry. They go on date nights. Their kids attend public schools, play sports, and take music lessons. They live in a roomy house in the 'burbs. They're about as mainstream as families come. They're also polygamists.

For decades, polygamous families have been forced to hide their lifestyle. Men risk prosecution and economic blacklisting, and women face social isolation and faulty assumptions about what it means to live as a sister wife. But Love Times Three, the first-ever memoir of a polygamous family, is a riveting inside look at a world most of us can hardly imagine, revealing the extraordinary workings of the Dargers' day-to-day life.

Independent Fundamentalist Mormons, the Dargers grew up in polygamous families, and by the time they were in high school, they knew they wanted to live the Principle themselves. But in a highly unusual situation – even for their culture – both Alina and Vicki expressed interest in Joe at the same time. They ultimately courted him together and married him on the same day. Valerie, Vicki's twin sister, joined the marriage 10 years later.

The Dargers move the conversation away from child brides, Warren Jeffs, and the FLDS to more mainstream polygamists who willingly enter into plural relationships as adults. Rather than living in isolated communities, Independent Fundamentalist Mormons are similar to an average American family – except for their family structure.

In this intimate, inside story, the Dargers explain why they chose this path despite the pressures of keeping their relationships secret and the jealousy and personal challenges that naturally ensue, why they believe polygamy should be an accepted lifestyle, and, ultimately, why they hope that by revealing their way of life in public, laws that criminalize their lifestyle might change.

Written in the voices of the four parents, Love Times Three is the story of one man, his three wives, and their 24 children as they live out their faith in a world of prejudice, misconception, and fear, including chapters on the sister wife dynamic, one from Joe on how he juggles his three distinct romantic relationships, and a chapter from three of their children, entitled "My Three Moms".

Despite the risk of legal action, the Dargers know that it's time to counteract Hollywood's sensational interpretation and correct the general public's misunderstanding of polygamy with the truth. Now, for the first time, Joe, Alina, Vicki, and Valerie Darger lift the veil on their so-called taboo way of life.

A HarperAudio production.

Editora:
Lançado em:
Sep 13, 2011
ISBN:
9780062097309
Formato:
Audiolivro

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Avaliações de leitores

  • (4/5)
    This is the true story of the marriage of Joe Darger and his three wives: Alina, Vicki and Val. As Independent Fundamentalist Mormons, they believe that having a pleural marriage- a Celestial Marriage- helps them attain the highest level of heaven when they die. They are not affiliated with the FLDS, the sect that Warren Jeffs belongs to, where underage girls are forced into marriage and young men are driven off. While Joe, Alina and Vicki were young when they married, they were of legal age and chose to wed each other of their own free will. Val (twin sister to Vicki) joined the Dargers 10 years later. The memoir is told in turns by the four Dargers, starting with their childhoods. Because of this (especially as two are sisters), we are given accounts of some events multiple times. This can be tedious at times, but in general the book is a fast, easy read. The three sister wives, while described by others as being very different from one another, all come off in writing as very similar; it was hard, at times, to remember which one was writing. All describe having good childhoods despite the poverty they lived with and the work of taking care of younger siblings; all stress the fact that their relationship requires constant work but that it is worth it. While all relationships should be worked on to keep them running smoothly, a relationship of four people requires even more work. The women say that working on their own issues of jealousy helps them grow emotionally and spiritually. Joe, on his side, never seems to get to rest. Between earning a living and being the patriarch of the family (and his genuine joy and interest in his many, many children), he’s on tap constantly. The kids all have chores assigned and are encouraged to get outside jobs early; they are allowed to keep a portion of the money they earn. The family runs like a well oiled machine. This family, unlike those who follow Warren Jeffs, is hurting no one. They do not rely on government handouts (although some of their parents did have to rely on food stamps at times), they pay their own way, no child is required to enter their church much less enter a pleural marriage. Only the first wife is legally married; there are no bogus marriage certificates or efforts to avoid taxes by claiming all are legally married. And yet the polygamous families are frequently persecuted by the state governments of Utah and Arizona (where most of the IFMs live) for committing cohabitation, while those same governments ignore unmarried couples. The Dargers have taken a big risk (from government, the very high chance of losing their jobs, the chance of having the children taken away from them) by coming forward as polygamists and I hope this book convinces people that they should be left alone and stop persecuting them. While their way of life isn’t one I’d want to live, they have a perfect right to it.
  • (5/5)
    Very good book...as silly as Mormonism is...at least the Polygamists are practicing its original Doctrines unlike the mainstream LDS Church who always sweep the fundamentalists under the rug due to the principle of Plural Marriage being too damaging to their squeaky clean public image
  • (5/5)
    Easy read and easy to follow along with who is talking.
  • (5/5)
    I absolutely love this book so much I do not want it and I would love to meet the Darger family!!! They seem absolutely amazing!
  • (4/5)
    This is the true story of the marriage of Joe Darger and his three wives: Alina, Vicki and Val. As Independent Fundamentalist Mormons, they believe that having a pleural marriage- a Celestial Marriage- helps them attain the highest level of heaven when they die. They are not affiliated with the FLDS, the sect that Warren Jeffs belongs to, where underage girls are forced into marriage and young men are driven off. While Joe, Alina and Vicki were young when they married, they were of legal age and chose to wed each other of their own free will. Val (twin sister to Vicki) joined the Dargers 10 years later. The memoir is told in turns by the four Dargers, starting with their childhoods. Because of this (especially as two are sisters), we are given accounts of some events multiple times. This can be tedious at times, but in general the book is a fast, easy read. The three sister wives, while described by others as being very different from one another, all come off in writing as very similar; it was hard, at times, to remember which one was writing. All describe having good childhoods despite the poverty they lived with and the work of taking care of younger siblings; all stress the fact that their relationship requires constant work but that it is worth it. While all relationships should be worked on to keep them running smoothly, a relationship of four people requires even more work. The women say that working on their own issues of jealousy helps them grow emotionally and spiritually. Joe, on his side, never seems to get to rest. Between earning a living and being the patriarch of the family (and his genuine joy and interest in his many, many children), he’s on tap constantly. The kids all have chores assigned and are encouraged to get outside jobs early; they are allowed to keep a portion of the money they earn. The family runs like a well oiled machine. This family, unlike those who follow Warren Jeffs, is hurting no one. They do not rely on government handouts (although some of their parents did have to rely on food stamps at times), they pay their own way, no child is required to enter their church much less enter a pleural marriage. Only the first wife is legally married; there are no bogus marriage certificates or efforts to avoid taxes by claiming all are legally married. And yet the polygamous families are frequently persecuted by the state governments of Utah and Arizona (where most of the IFMs live) for committing cohabitation, while those same governments ignore unmarried couples. The Dargers have taken a big risk (from government, the very high chance of losing their jobs, the chance of having the children taken away from them) by coming forward as polygamists and I hope this book convinces people that they should be left alone and stop persecuting them. While their way of life isn’t one I’d want to live, they have a perfect right to it.
  • (4/5)
    This book was suggested to me while I was reading "Sister Wives" by the Brown family. Just like with that book, I enjoyed this book a lot, too. I have long been curious about modern polygamy, so it was really interesting to read.

    I liked this book better than the one written by the Browns, because this one was more forthcoming and honest about the stuff we "regular" people REALLY want to know. You know, all those questions that make us look like prying jerks if we actually ask them. At the same time they covered a lot of other stuff too that really provides an insight into how they live, and takes away the mystery that can lead to a negative view of them. This book also included a few chapters by some of the older children about what it was like to be children in that type of family, which I appreciated as well.

    Overall, a good book. I gave it one more star than the Brown book because this one was written better and had more information, and I would consider it an excellent book for anyone that wants to learn more about this lifestyle.

    I would say you do need to have an interest or curiosity about polygamy, though, or this book (and the other one) would probably be pretty boring to you.
  • (4/5)
    Love Times Three is the true story of the Darger family. They are Independent Fundamentalist Mormons living in plural marriage. Yes, another polygamy book! The Dargers are unique even among polygamists in that Joe Darger married his first two wives, Vicki and her cousin Alina, at the same time. Usually polygamists wait at least a year after their first marriage before they take a second wife. Then, even more unusual, Joe married Vicki’s identical twin Valerie ten years later. All together the Darger’s have 24 children, which includes Val’s five from a previous marriage. (One child died in infancy so 23 children are living.)I first heard of the Dargers when they appeared on the TV show Sister Wives a couple of weeks ago in an episode where they take a vacation with the Brown family. (Of course I immediately Googled them and that’s how I found out they have a book out.) Apparently, they’ve been friends with the Browns for a couple of years. Like the Browns, they are trying to take the stigma out of being polygamists by going public with their lifestyle.I appreciated that this book went more in depth on the religious reasoning behind polygamy. Joe and his wives quote Mormon scripture as well as other important church documents like the Doctrine and Covenants when explaining the Principle of polygamy and why they have chosen the live the Principle. (Polygamy is also referred to as the Principle, plural marriage, or celestial marriage.) Also, in the back of the book, the different Fundamentalist Mormon communities are listed with a brief description that includes where they are located and what makes them different from each other.I don’t want this review to turn into a theological debate but I feel I have to point out one inconsistency I found with the Principle as I understand it: People who live the Principle will achieve the highest level of heaven and live together as a family for all eternity. The Principle helps women to become more Christ-like, and thus deserving of the highest level of heaven, because sharing their husbands will help them overcome petty emotions like jealousy and ultimately make them more selfless people. It’s a daily sacrifice. However, even though this is the sixth book on polygamy I’ve read, I can’t figure out how living the Principle makes men more Christ-like. The only thing this book said was that Joe didn’t have any time for hobbies or outside interests because he had so many wives and kids that he needed to spend time with. It seems imbalanced to me.That said, how consenting adults choose to live is with me as long as no one gets hurt. The Dargers make a good point that many of the abuses that occur in polygamist communities may occur because of the secretive life polygamists are forced to live. If they could live openly, perhaps the abuse would be harder to cover up.I liked that three of the Dargers’ older children (one from each mom) contributed to the book. Most accounts I’ve seen from children who grew up in polygamy are negative ones where the children suffered abuse. The Dargers’ children seem happy and well-adjusted.Like the Browns, the Dargers seem to be on the more liberal side of Fundamentalist Mormonism. As I am still quite intrigued with the polygamist lifestyle, I enjoyed this peek into the Dargers lives. Recommended for Nosy Rosies like me.
  • (5/5)
    In the celestial glory there are three heavens or degrees; and in order to obtain the highest, a man must enter into this order of the priesthood [meaning, the new and everlasting covenant of marriage]; and if he does not, he cannot obtain it. --Doctrine and Covenants 131:1-3Joe, Alina, Vicki, and Val are the parents of 21 children, sharing a 5,500 square-foot home in Utah. Yes, the authors are married ... to each other, living the Principle, celestial marriage, the only way to obtain heaven's highest reward. This is a real-life inside peek at Mormon polygamy, without the sensationalism. If the only thing you know about Mormon Fundamentalists is what you've seen on TV about Warren Jeffs (whose coerced marriages to underage girls and sexual abuses landed him on the FBI's Most Wanted List in 2006), then you're the target audience of JAV&V.Between the 25 of them, they share ten family cars. They do ten loads of laundry a day, run through 36 rolls of toilet paper a week, and consume 3-5 loaves of daily bread. (I imagine that Matthew 6:7 is a verse often quoted.) Life is complex, busy, fulfilling, and ... generally quite happy, especially for the children. The most trying obstacle to their lifestyle may be the required secrecy, for polygamy remains against the law in Utah, punishable by up to five years in prison.But this married quartet have had enough of living a white lie. Says Joe, "It's time to end our silence, and time for us to share with the world what living in a polygamous family is really like." So, the four of them take turns in this daring book talking about the trials and rewards of their chosen way of life.Jealousy is one of the more serious trials, of course. Joe must carefully balance his devotion between his three wives. A carefully-planned schedule determines where he sleeps each night, who gets the next date, and who sits in the front seat beside him as as he drives. Money management is inevitably another problem in celestial marriages, when you're trying to feed and clothe a couple dozen people. Persecution by bigoted acquaintances, often in the workplace, is a third. But life isn't meant to be easy.All in all, this lifestyle surely isn't for me, but I fail to see why polygamist practices as wholesome as that described in Love Times Three don't deserve the same respect we seem to be finally awarding to other alternative marriage arrangements.
  • (5/5)
    Saw this group on Dr. Phil and was very impressed with how articulate they were. I was curious to learn more. I thoroughly enjoyed the book and spent several hours reading it from start to end. I must say that the reality of their relationship bore no resemblance to what my initial impression was when I thought of polygamy. They have exceptionally high morals and values and are raising children who seem very well grounded as well. They follow teachings of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, but have chosen not to stop practicing polygamy as the mainstream LDS church did when federal law changed to mandate that it cease. They have a strong argument for why polygamy should be decriminalized. After reading their book, I must agree. The life style seems to work very well for them and is probably healthier than most monogamous relationships. I applaud them for coming forward and putting another face to polygamy. Not all polygamists are like Warren Jeffs and his FLDS group.