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The Sweet Potato Queens' Guide to Raising Children for Fun and Profit
The Sweet Potato Queens' Guide to Raising Children for Fun and Profit
The Sweet Potato Queens' Guide to Raising Children for Fun and Profit
Audiobook7 hours

The Sweet Potato Queens' Guide to Raising Children for Fun and Profit

Rating: 4 out of 5 stars

4/5

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About this audiobook

When does 1 + 1 = 3 (or more)? When you’ve got a baby on the way.

Part of that new math, says #1 New York Times bestselling author Jill Conner Browne—whom USA Today calls “just plain funny”—includes the addition of an outsize sense of humor to balance the equation of your growing family.

The Sweet Potato Queens’ Guide to Raising Children for Fun and Profit is a hilarious (though not scientifically tested) wink at the time-honored mysteries of parenting, for anybody who has ever had a kid or has ever known one, knows that the experience is neither fun nor profitable—so, you might as well laugh!

As each generation begins its hopeful, happy, and, yes, sometimes harrowing journey together as Parent and Child, together they spawn a new body of “knowledge,” the nuances of which will elude the Experts every time. Here are stories of the things we do for Mother Love—or, the most incredibly full-time volunteer job ever—and tips guaranteed not to be found in any other parenting guide.

- How to Talk to a Pregnant Woman
- How the Diamonds on Delivery Policy Can Speed Up the Labor Nature Intended
- Why a Good Mother Is Always Adept at Subterfuge
- The List of Things You Wouldn’t Think You Would Have to Tell Kids Not to Do
- Why Mothers of Sons Can Never Retire
and
- Why, for Parents, It’s Just a Short Drive to the Poorhouse

The Sweet Potato Queens’ Guide to Raising Children for Fun and Profit will have everyone who’s ever been a parent—or ever thought of becoming one—or been a child—or is still one—giggling and grinning (no small feat) through those child-bearing years…and beyond.

LanguageEnglish
Release dateJan 1, 2008
ISBN9781423311324
Author

Jill Conner Browne

Jill Conner Browne, New York Times bestselling author and Boss Queen, tours and speaks full-time about all things Queenly. She is the author of The Sweet Potato Queens’ First Big-Ass Novel; The Sweet Potato Queens’ Wedding Planner/Divorce Guide; The Sweet Potato Queens’ Field Guide to Men: Every Man I Love Is Either Married, Gay, or Dead; The Sweet Potato Queens’ Big-Ass Cookbook (and Financial Planner); God Save the Sweet Potato Queens; and The Sweet Potato Queens’ Book of Love. She lives in Jackson, Mississippi.

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Rating: 3.9021739999999996 out of 5 stars
4/5

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  • Rating: 4 out of 5 stars
    4/5
    This was hysterical....I loved it, and I don't have no babies.

    Gems include:

    "Most women cannot be safely queried on the subject of work. Oh you can ask them about their jobs all day long--What I meant was 'work' as in 'have you had any Work done?'"

    On lactating; "Your breasts fill-up. You can feel them filling-it's like you've got a couple of big water balloons on the front of your body-if they were transparent, I imagine you could watch the levels rise...."

    "...her 3 yr. old son was less than thrilled with the new baby sister....wouldn't she please 'return her to Wal-mart, I think she's broke-she won't do anything but cry-try getting another boy.'"

    "......I never endured the the difficulty of looking up just in time to witness my 3 yr. old son shaking off after having successfully completed a satisfying whiz in one of the display toilets at Sears"

    "This is one of those things you need to think about Before you start a family: Your Life IS Over. It's about somebody else now for quite a number of years. Suck it up. You did know the job was dangerous when you took it."

    "babies don't have sinuses, which is really poor planning if you ask me, on account of they do, on occasion, produce a whole big lotta snot. Oh please--does anybody out there really think that the word 'mucus' sounds better than 'snot'? They both sound pretty pukey to me."

    "A babysitter is a person who is temporarily taking care of a child not of that person's own creation......If the male parent of a child is the sole parent in charge for any period of time, he is on Dad-Duty. Can you imagine a mother Ever saying.....'No, I can;t go out. I'm babysitting the kids tonight.'"

    And it goes on....for me this is "girlfriend" humor at it's best!
  • Rating: 4 out of 5 stars
    4/5
    I always enjoy the SPQ books and this was no exception – a laugh a minute to be sure! Although I definitely did not agree with all of Browne’s opinions, she made me laugh (and almost cry a few times!) A great light read and a quick read, too!
  • Rating: 3 out of 5 stars
    3/5
    I love when she talks about gaining baby weight and standing on the scale backwards so she wouldn't know exactly how much she gained.
  • Rating: 2 out of 5 stars
    2/5
    I picked this up at the bookstore on a whim because I enjoyed the humor in the first few Sweet Potato Queen books. I expected to be easily sucked into this and find chuckles galore but that turned out to not be the case. Unfortunately, this tongue in cheek look at rearing children was not nearly as original or funny as I'd hoped. Perhaps I'm too far away from babyhood (although the title does not imply that the bulk of the book will be focused on infants and little tiny people, now does it? And heaven knows the older mine get, the closer they creep to teenaged life, the more rearing they require but I digress) or Conner Browne is far enough away herself (farther than I am actually as Bo Peep is older than my crew by a few years) that she is unaware of the books already out there on the market that say the same things this one does and also says them humorously (Vicki Iovine, anyone?) but I found myself almost bored reading this. I've not only been there, done that, I've already read the book too. It was a quick read and it did eventually touch on older children but since the bulk of the book focuses on the small fry, I can't really recommend this to anyone but perhaps the expectant mom or the new mom who can still find time to eke out a chapter or two once a year, anyone else, including new moms who read more widely than that, will feel like this is a rehashing with a few minorly entertaining anecdotes at most. (And yes, I know I am probably forfeiting any chance at ever being a Queen myself with these comments--although I still think the original book is pure comedy genius.)
  • Rating: 5 out of 5 stars
    5/5
    Possibly the funniest Sweet Potato Queen book yet. Maybe even the funniest book by anyone about anything yet. Jill Conner Browne is the one person you would want to invite to your party if you wanted it to be a hit. Hilarious!