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    Why Men Hate Going to Church
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    Why Men Hate Going to Church
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    Why Men Hate Going to Church
    Ebook256 pages23 hours

    Why Men Hate Going to Church

    By David Murrow

    4/5

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    About this ebook

    “Church is boring.” “It’s irrelevant.” “It’s full of hypocrites.” You’ve heard the excuses—now learn the real reasons men and boys are fleeing churches of every kind, all over the world, and what we can do about it.

    Women comprise more than 60% of the adults in a typical worship service in America. Some overseas congregations report ten women for every man in attendance. Men are less likely to lead, volunteer, and give in the church. They pray less, share their faith less, and read the Bible less.

    In Why Men Hate Going to Church, David Murrow identifies the barriers keeping many men from going to church, explains why it’s so hard to motivate the men who do attend, and also takes you inside several fast-growing congregations that are winning the hearts of men and boys. In this completely revised, reorganized, and rewritten edition of the classic book, with more than 70 percent new content, explore topics like:

    • The increase and decrease in male church attendance during the past 500 years
    • Why Christian churches are more feminine even though men are often still the leaders
    • The difference between the type of God men and women like to worship
    • The lack of volunteering and ministry opportunities for men
    • The benefits men get from attending church regularly

    Men need the church but, more importantly, the church needs men. The presence of enthusiastic men is one of the surest predictors of church health, growth, giving, and expansion. Why Men Hate Going to Church does not call men back to church—it calls the church back to men.

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherThomas Nelson
    Release dateOct 31, 2011
    ISBN9780849949814
    Author

    David Murrow

    David Murrow is an award-winning television producer and writer based in Alaska, most recently working for Sarah Palin. A best-selling author, he is also director of Church for Men, an organization that helps churches connect with men and boys. David and his wife, Gina, have three children.

    Read more from David Murrow

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    Reviews for Why Men Hate Going to Church

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    • 5/5
      Murrow has written a thought-provoking and important book about the crisis of the number of "unchurched" men today. This is an obvious labour of love for Murrow, as he almost abandoned Christianity himself because he didn't feel there was any room for his masculinity. Some points I especially liked:

      - men’s passivity in church stems less from laziness and more from uneasiness (with the “feminine status quo”)

      - many of today's churches are focused on comforting rather than challenging

      - churchgoing shields a woman from her deepest fears (abandonment, isolation) but forces a man to confront his (loss of independence and control)

      - the songs and sermons use language that appeals to women ("precious, tender, sharing, communication, feelings, nurturing, gentle, relationship"); even traditional images of Christ are feminized (long, flowing robes and hair)

      - today’s Christianity is marketed like Tylenol: the antidote to trial, suffering and pain. That’s Jesus’ approach upside down!

      - stagnant churches ask, how can we minister to our people? life-giving churches ask, how can our people change the world?

      I highly recommend this book for anyone interested in why there are so few men at church these days...and want to change that.
    • 5/5
      There are some books which prove quite important to one's growth and development in life because they make evident a pattern, challenge, and/or idea that is true, real, and yet somehow neglected or left unconsidered. Why Men Hate Going to Church by David Murrow is one such book: after reading it, you will never look at Christianity and its practice in 21st century America the same way again.I first encountered this book a few years ago and was glad to have the chance to read and review the updated and revised edition. "Completely Revised and Updated" is not an exaggeration: I remember many of the key arguments and themes, but in the new edition they are presented more powerfully and underscored with more evidence. My reading of the original edition really caused me to think about the best way of approaching ministry; reading the new edition has led to the same process.Why Men Hate Going to Church presents one of the pressing challenges of American Christianity: where are all the men? The author sets out the evidence: most churches have a gender gap, featuring far more women than men. The more active the women get, the more likely the men are to leave. When men are not active in churches, their children are less likely to be active in churches, especially their male descendants, and the challenge grows.The author then provides helpful analysis of the sources of the difficulty: church plays to the strengths of women but the weaknesses of men. Women tend to be more auditory, better at study, more relationally-driven and focused, willing to sit and listen, share, and better at expressing themselves verbally. Men are more visual-spatial, less patient with study, less relationally-focused, fidgety, and often find expressing themselves verbally as challenging.Men do excel at boldness, willingness to take risks, and engagement in acts of service, but many times these values are not honored as highly in the assembly and in the general life of a church. The author spends some time contrasting different images of Jesus and to whom men and women best relate ("the Lion of Judah" vs. "the Lamb of God"). The author describes how churches better appeal to women, and on account of it, develop a more softened and feminine approach, further alienating men and enhancing women's presence.Yes, many ministries are male-dominated, but the author does well at showing how ministry is often done by men who are more verbal, studious, and more "feminine" than the average "macho man" (and I, for one, must plead guilty). The author also shows how when women do take over, either in terms of various matters within the congregation or as preachers themselves, men are most often further alienated and their number continues to drop.The author spends some time looking at historic trends and the various reasons why we have come to the place at which we find ourselves, as well as seeing different experiments that seemed to work in the past (like the YMCA). He also spends a lot of time considering how to bring the men back in: return to a mission-based view, consciously think about how a given prayer, song, lesson, theme, etc., would sound to the average man and adapt accordingly, find things for men to do that play to their strengths, and find ways to work with boys and their particular composition in such a way as to respect their constitution and not develop an inferiority complex in the face of all the girls.I have some concerns about many of the suggestions which put a lot of the impetus on the church where the Lord put it on the individual Christian in terms of service and in terms of the programs which should be provided for the youth; thankfully, the revised and updated edition put less emphasis on adaptations to the assembly and more on finding ways to get men to serve out in the world. I'm afraid that some of his theological points in terms of masculinity might be a bit too reactionary against an overly feminized version of Christianity; it's understandable but not necessarily beneficial.These concerns should not distract from the main point of the book or its importance. I believe this is a must read for anyone who seeks to promote the Gospel of Christ and wishes to encourage his or her fellow Christians: you don't have to agree with every point or every solution to gain from the author's perspective and the needed reconsideration of thought, feeling, and practice toward being more inclusive of masculine characteristics. There's a reason Jesus speaks more concretely and obviously about mission than relationship; there's also a reason why Jesus chose 12 men and worked intensively with them. If the church will grow and prosper in the twenty-first century it will need men to stand up with faith, boldness, vision, and effort to promote the Gospel message, and an over-emphasis on the "feminine" aspects to the detriment of the "masculine" aspects of humanity is pushing those men out and away. There are times for preaching and study; there are times for service and boldness. There is a strong need for greater relationship; there is as strong of a need for recognizing, understanding, and accomplishing God's mission for His Kingdom. Let us find ways to bring men into the fold and make sure that we are not pushing them away on account of our distorted emphases or an environment hostile to masculinity!*---book received as part of early review program
    • 3/5
      I am torn. Should I lend/recommend this to others? Murrow's insights into the masculine spirit and the feminization of the American Church are valuable, and many of his suggestions represent a Biblical model of Church. HOWEVER, there are many other ideas that display a low view of Scripture and an overemphasis on letting the congregant (or the consumer) determine the "program" of the "show" on Sunday.Most disturbing is Mr. Murrow's incredibly poor use of scripture. A conservative estimate would be that 70% of the text's appeals to God's Word are incorrect, using verses either from suspect "translations" or by taking them completely out of context (a strange example is his using "It is not good for the man to be alone" to warrant the need for more intentional male fellowship). I hope this does not reflect the exegetical skills of the men at his very "masculine" Church.In conclusion, this book is helpful, but it leaves me with the desire for a better book. To my (limited) knowledge, a Theologically-accurate and compelling addition to the men-book craze has not arisen yet. I pray that there would be one soon.
    • 2/5
      When I was first looking for a calling as a pastor, I heard from several churches, “if you can get the man, you can get the family.” It was a response to a growing concern that the church was losing attendance from men. Specifically men in the late 30′s to early 50′s range. Which have caused some to wonder if the modern church service is only attractive to women, children and seniors? And even if a church does manage to have men in attendance, they seem to be the less committed types. There are typically more women teachers, more women in leadership, and more women in the choir… why is that?Author David Murrow argues that the church “system” is perfectly designed to give you the results you are getting. And while church may “fit” some men, the typical church does not. The church system only reaches a certain type of person and according to Murrow the majority of those people are women.Through the book, Murrow outlines how the typical church is missing members who are young, single or men who are overtly “manly.” Murrow criticizes Church for issues that are handled passively, productivity that is slow and conflict that is handled in a non-aggressive way. And I suppose this “system” of church stems from the idea that Jesus acted this way. Many churches paint Jesus as being soft, demure and effeminate. One of Murrow’s supporters, Mark Diriscoll, also blames the modern church for making Jesus a passive liberal, Driscoll says, “I cannot worship the hippie, diaper, halo Christ because I cannot worship a guy I can beat up.”Is that why men hate going to church? Because they can’t worship a guy they could beat up?Oddly enough, Murrow states that when surveyed the number one reason men don’t want to go… “the church is full of hypocrites.” Which actually is not all that surprising, because hypocrisy is typically the number one reason most people don’t go to church – even the reason atheists and agnostics give.And here is when I will stand up on my soap box and “testify” a little bit. People keep using “hypocrisy” as the reason, but I don’t believe they understand what it is. Hypocrisy is when you lie. It’s when you say you believe something and you really don’t. It’s when you pretend to be one way, but inwardly YOU KNOW you are not that way.Sadly, people who use the word “hypocrisy” think it means “not practicing what one believes.” Let me give it to you in Church speak.Let’s say at your church they preach the act of service; and it’s on all the banners and paperwork. “Our church loves service.” But you notice that in that church - not many people serve. It only becomes hypocrisy when someone you know who doesn’t serve… tells you “I serve all the time.” Then it’s a lie.But if someone tells you, “yea, I believe in service, and I know it’s a good thing, and I know it’s what God wants, I just can’t do it.” That’s not hypocrisy. Ananias and Sapphira (Acts 5) were hypocrites. They “said” they gave all their money to the church, but they consciously knew that they didn’t do it.So does the church have hypocrites? Sure. Does the church have liars? Sure. You know how I know? The church is made up of people. There are liars and hypocrites everywhere. So it might be the “number one” excuse, but that’s all that it is – an excuse.No, Murrow stands on his belief that the church is a girls club. Churches cater to the largest group, the walls are painted pretty, we decorate with flowers, we have a lot of female related ministries, the music is soft and the preacher is funny (but kinda wimpy) and so… the men would rather stay home and do testosterone related activities like rake the lawn or watch football.Chapter after chapter the author stakes his claim that the Church is more like Clark Kent and less like Superman.And while sure, I think you could make that argument about some churches, I don’t know that I would stake that claim as being the only reason. The title seems to imply it would give the reasons why ALL men hate going to church, but the author seems to argue for only those men who think the church has gone to the girls.What about all those men who think the church is for hypocrites? I think arguments like “it’s boring” or “irrelevant” are just as valid reasons, but the author ignores those.I feel bad, Murrow indicates that this book has been “revised” and “updated” but I still felt reading it that the main drive of the book was to tell the church to “Cowboy up.” It makes me wonder what is happening with the attendance in churches that specifically target men? Those churches that meet in Hooters, or bars, or own mechanical bulls… are they finding success at reaching the men?Is the answer really found in wide screens, beer, car chases and other cliche things men like?I don’t know that the church needs to “man up” to reach men, any more than it needs to “plug in” to reach youth. We can spend a lot of time talking about “target audience” and forget that its always been about the message. And as much as I’d like to agree that the church could be a lot more macho, there is also something to be said for men who need to cry, men who need to be held, and men who are broken and week.Jesus didn’t open a Hooters, he opened a church. And the church was designed to be a refuge, a place for healing and grace and mercy and love; and no, those things aren’t particularly ”manly” things – but they are Godly things – and that’s always a good place to start.
    • 3/5
      Christianity is not attractive to men at the moment. In fact, men hate going to church, according to David Murrow, the author of Why Men Hate Going to Church. Murrow argues that Christianity has become feminized since the industrial revolution to such an extent that men are leaving in droves or avoiding church like they avoid housework (my example - not his!). The men who do dominate the leadership positions in churches are actually feminized men who feel comfortable with, and demonstrate the characteristics of, women - intimacy, verbal communication, emotions, caring, touching etc.The entire thesis of this book is premised on the assumption that men and women are completely different in their natures. (The author draws on the popular Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus by John Gray.) Murrow believes that most people conceive of Jesus Christ as living out the values ’that come naturally to women.’ The way that church is structured (in most Christian churches) appeals to women because of this belief about Christ and, therefore, men are left out in the cold. Christianity is seen as a "soft" faith and, if men are attracted to Christianity it is because they are ’highly verbal, sensitive, and relational.’ ”Real” men are into power, competition, achievement, practical skills, results, setting goals, etc. All of this is not deliberate, of course. But it's a very real problem.How do we get men back into the church? Reverse the feminization of Christianity and bring masculine elements back into church worship and life. If the Church is to reverse the declining membership of its congregations (in the West, in particular) it needs to get men back into the pews. Women, it turns out, like churches with lots of men so the focus needs to shift to making the faith more masculine - and the women and children will follow.Why Men Hate Going to Church is a passionate, fast paced read. It's powerful and persuasive. A lot of the material sounds reasonable and some of Murrow's assertions are backed up with empirical evidence. The idea of “masculinising” aspects of Christian belief and worship is certainly needed? For example, images of Jesus need to become more real than the effeminate versions of much Christian art. And the praise songs that have men singing to Jesus as his lovers definitely need to go!But I experienced a degree of discomfort as I read this book. Firstly, the differences between men and women seems overly stereotypical. Very little is discussed in the book about the commonalities between men and women. The simplistic distinctions between men and women as described by, for example, John Gray have been criticized as excessively reductionistic and not reflecting how similar men and women are in so many respects. The picture drawn by Murrow seems to "black and white".Secondly, Murrow's passion and enthusiasm for making his point sometimes borders on sexism. While the feminine is occasionally affirmed it would be easy to infer that the bad aspects of Christian worship and life are the product of female nature. I've only read the book once, but I can't recall any occasion where the author has remotely suggested that “masculine” Christianity may have its problems or any hint at the historical abuse of women by men who have suffered at the hands of men in power. I don't believe this is intentional but Murrow needs to be more careful about this aspect of his views.In summary, Why Men Hate Going to Church is a passionate plea for the reconsideration of men's needs in our churches. It's a plea also being made outside the church in areas such as education. Men and boys do need healthy masculine role models in the church. Murrow's passion and enthusiasm for the concerns of men is great to see. For me, though, I would have liked to see a more substantial, objective argument presented for rejuvenating Christian worship for all. But then, maybe I'm not a “real” man!
    • 3/5
      This is one of those books that I think I will try to go back and read once every 5 years or so because it addresses things so ingrained within the Christian culture, and therefore within my psyche, that it will require repeated exposure and reminders to work them out of my general interactions. Having said all of that, there are things within this book that I highly disagree with; the book is very reactionary (although the author repeats over and over that this reactionary position should never be maintained by anyone) and therefore tends to be extremist in nature. However, if the reader is careful to recognize those things which are reactionarily extreme and those which are biblically sound, this book will prove to be extremely helpful in the personal development of any Christian and corporate development of any church.
    • 5/5
      A fabulous book. An absolute MUST READ for all clergy. Murrow hits the nail squarely on the head so often and so truly. Unfortunately, the feminization of Christianity and most churches has gone so far that it is questionable whether it can ever be moved back to a balance. Jesus was NOT the meek and mild, quiet, contemplative, child-hugging person that he is portrayed to be in churches and modern culture. He actually got ANGRY at people, chastised people, destroyed their stands and threw the money changers out of the temple...no feminine person was he.
    • 5/5
      I have a confession to make. I accepted this book for review thinking it might be good for a few laughs. Get a guy through the church doors? What are you gonna do, turn it into a sports bar?I was wrong about David’s book. Oh, I laughed alright—a lot!—but all the time I was chuckling, I was nodding. David has nailed it.Funny thing is, speaking as a guy, we don’t know why we hate church. We just know it’s uncomfortable. The awkwardness has to be explained to us … and when it is, we finally nod knowingly.David probably thinks his book is for pastors. No, it’s for couples. Ladies, if you want your guy sitting next to you in the pew, read this. Then find a new church together. One where the pastor has read the book, too.
    • 5/5
      Great Read. Relevant , insightful and practical !! Highly Recommended! ,
    • 5/5
      Equally pragmatic as Biblical, but I never thought to ask this question before reading the book. It will challenge the assumptions of any church's ministry.
    • 1/5
      A Gold Mine. I finally finished reading David Murrow's "Why Men Hate Going to Church (updated)", after having put it down for a couple of months while I read other books and worked on other things.

      The best I can say about this book is that it is a gold mine, in the truest sense of the term. You see, my wife watches Gold Rush on Discovery Channel, so I wind up watching quite a bit of it with her. On that show, various crews move around literally TONS of earth, searching for a few specks of gold. That is EXACTLY what you will be doing reading this book - searching through tons of detritus (to put it gently) for the occasional HINT of something worth noting.

      To say I was disappointed in this book would be a statement in contention for understatement of the year, at least. Upon seeing the title and even a couple of the other BookSneeze reviews, I actually requested BookSneeze make this available in eBook format, which is how I read all my books now. I was hoping for something as mind blowing and concrete as Shaunti Feldhan's seminal work, For Women Only: What You Need to Know About the Inner Lives of Men. Instead, the "research" in this book at one point literally consisted of the author standing outside an Alaska sporting goods store and asking 97 men what they thought was masculine or feminine about church.

      And that is the most glaring flaw of this book - little to no actual research to base the author's claims on. Instead, he draws on what he personally sees and how he personally feels. Which is fine, if the title would have been "Why Me and My Friends Hate Going to Church". But in purporting to talk about a genuinely real crisis, the author falls flat on his face due to so little research on the topic. Add to this the guy's blatant homophobia and misogyny - he dislikes any song that mentions a love of Jesus, because it sounds too gay - and you pretty much have a recipe for disaster. Indeed, one of the reasons I put the book down for a couple of months was because of the sheer number of times I was almost ready to destroy my Kindle just to get this book away from me. But I agreed to participate in the BookSneeze program (a truly great program, btw), and I didn't want to review the book without completing it, so here I sit, having now done so.

      Overall, I'd give this book 0.5 stars out of 5. It has enough good in it that if you're DESPERATE for something to read and can get your hands on a free copy, I'd say it is better than nothing - but not by much. Had I paid for the book, I'd be demanding my money back.
    • 5/5
      I really enjoyed this book has some great idea's to boost men's ministry can't wait to implement some of these ideas