Still Single: Are You Making Yourself Unavailable When You Don't Want to Be?
()
About this ebook
Happily Ever After isn't working for you--but why? This surprisingly effective new approach to dating from Casey Maxwell Clair identifies the ways people keep themselves single, sometimes without even realizing it--and what they can do to find the loves of their lives.
After ending a painful five-year affair, author Casey Maxwell Clair came to the surprising realization that being married isn't the only way potential partners make themselves unavailable. In fact, men and women can be emotionally, legally, and sexually unavailable for happy, healthy relationships in dozens of ways. Casey Clair's new book, Still Single: Are You Making Yourself Unavailable When You Don't Want to Be?, is filled with startling revelations and indispensable advice on how to conquer this all-too-common dilemma.
Through real-life examples and interviews you'll learn how to:
*Identify behavioral patterns that can be obstacles to a committed relationship
*Ask the questions that will reveal the true nature of someone's intentions
*Eliminate the "unavailable" ones in all their many disguises
*Identify the ways men and women sabotage their own relationships and discover a whole new approach to dating
*Find new ways of understanding yourself that will help you to find the kind of relationship you're looking for
Casey found her true love by following the principles presented in this book. It changed her life, and it can change yours too.
Casey Maxwell Clair
Casey Maxwell Clair has worked in the entertainment industry for over twenty years. She began her career designing major motion picture campaigns, and subsequently served as the Director of Advertising for both Warner Bros. and ABC Motion Pictures, as well as the Vice President of Advertising and Promotions for CBS Television Network. A successful comedy writer and television producer for the last decade, Clair lives in Los Angeles with her fiancé, producer and screenwriter Christopher Beaumont. She has two grown daughters.
Related to Still Single
Related ebooks
If I'm So Wonderful, Why Am I Still Single? Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Secrets of the Ultimate Husband Hunter: How to Attract Men, Enjoy Dating and Recognize the Love of Your Life Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Crash Course in Love Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Breaking Up and Bouncing Back: Moving On to Create the Love Life You Deserve Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsSabotage; Recognize Commitment Phobia and Experience a Healthy Relationship Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5The Power of WOW: A Guide to Unleashing the Confident, Sexy You Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsWhy "We" Didn't Choose You, Vol. I: A Relationship Handbook for Women (and Men) Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsSingle is the New Black: Don't Wear White 'til it's Right Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsA Man's Mind: Wouldn't You Want to Know? Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5God, Please Fix Me!: Self-Esteem, Relationship Understanding & Personal Healing for Women Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsDating on a Purpose: An Illustrated Guide to Intentional Dating for Commitment-Conscious Millennials Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Is It Any Wonder You're Single! Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsLove Rules: How to Find a Real Relationship in a Digital World Rating: 3 out of 5 stars3/5dot.com dating: finding your right someone online--avoiding the liars, losers, and freaks Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5What Smart Women Know About The Chase: The Practical Guide To Pursuing And Being Pursued Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Being Single in a Couple's World: How to Be Happily Single While Looking for Love Rating: 3 out of 5 stars3/5You Can Do Better: How to Improve Your Self-Esteem, Stop Dating the Wrong Men and Start Living the Live You Deserve Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsFinding True Love: The 4 Essential Keys to Discovering the Love of Your Life Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5How Did She Get Him? Become Girlfriend Material & Ditch the One Night Stand or Friend Zone Label Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5SIZZLE Be a HOT Date for a Perfect Mate: With The ABC Magnetic Attraction Formula Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsSingle & Happy: The Party of Ones Rating: 2 out of 5 stars2/5#men? The 10 Commandments: Womans Guide to Getting the Love You Want and Never Being Hurt Again! Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5The New Dating Playbook for Badass Women: How to Go from DATING SUCKS to WE'RE IN LOVE! Faster and Easier Rating: 3 out of 5 stars3/5I Can't Keep Dating Like This Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsBreak Up. Break Down. Break Through. Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsDating with Purpose: A Single Woman’s Guide to Escaping No Man’s Land Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5How to Marry a Divorced Man Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5
Relationships For You
A Child Called It: One Child's Courage to Survive Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5I'm Glad My Mom Died Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5She Comes First: The Thinking Man's Guide to Pleasuring a Woman Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The Good Girl's Guide to Great Sex: Creating a Marriage That's Both Holy and Hot Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Mating in Captivity: Unlocking Erotic Intelligence Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The ADHD Effect on Marriage: Understand and Rebuild Your Relationship in Six Steps Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The Big Book of 30-Day Challenges: 60 Habit-Forming Programs to Live an Infinitely Better Life Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Maybe You Should Talk to Someone: A Therapist, HER Therapist, and Our Lives Revealed Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The Great Sex Rescue: The Lies You've Been Taught and How to Recover What God Intended Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Becoming Free Indeed: My Story of Disentangling Faith from Fear Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Maybe You Should Talk to Someone: the heartfelt, funny memoir by a New York Times bestselling therapist Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5How to Not Die Alone: The Surprising Science That Will Help You Find Love Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The Like Switch: An Ex-FBI Agent's Guide to Influencing, Attracting, and Winning People Over Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5How to Talk so Little Kids Will Listen: A Survival Guide to Life with Children Ages 2-7 Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5All About Love: New Visions Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Everything I Know About Love: A Memoir Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The Covert Passive Aggressive Narcissist: The Narcissism Series, #1 Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Polysecure: Attachment, Trauma and Consensual Nonmonogamy Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5The Sacred Enneagram: Finding Your Unique Path to Spiritual Growth Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5And Every Morning the Way Home Gets Longer and Longer: A Novella Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Codependence and the Power of Detachment: How to Set Boundaries and Make Your Life Your Own Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Oh Crap! Potty Training: Everything Modern Parents Need to Know to Do It Once and Do It Right Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5ADHD: A Hunter in a Farmer's World Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5
Reviews for Still Single
0 ratings0 reviews
Book preview
Still Single - Casey Maxwell Clair
PART I
Who’s Unavailable?
IDENTIFYING THE PROBLEM
They always say that time changes things, but you actually have to change them yourself.
—ANDY WARHOL
When you’re convinced there’s nothing you want more in this world than to be in a wonderful, loving relationship, it’s almost impossible to believe that you could be the one who’s stopping you. But, all too often, it’s true.
As I mentioned in my introduction, the episode that forced me to look at my life and reassess the way I approached relationships, was a shameful affair with a married man. The whole time I was having the affair, I told myself that we were star-crossed lovers, just unlucky to have met at the wrong time. (Not very original, but neither, in the end, is infidelity. It’s called cheating for a reason; we cheat ourselves as well as the other person.) Now I know that I chose David because there was no chance of ever being in a relationship with him. Not only was he married, he was also incredibly wrong for me. I wonder what on earth I would have done if he had actually left his wife and we had gotten together. Our values were different. Our interests were different. So, what was the attraction? I came to realize that, by picking David, I was fulfilling a subconscious desire not to be in a loving relationship. That was our unspoken agreement. He wouldn’t leave his wife and I wouldn’t leave him, because then I would be available for a real relationship. Just as he chose me because he was unable to have a real, complete relationship with his wife, I chose him in order to avoid a real relationship with an available man. As I said, we cheat ourselves as much as we cheat on another person.
In the case of David and me, our pathologies fit perfectly for a very long time. We were both unavailable and unaware that we wanted to be. To this day I don’t know what David’s true agenda was and, I suspect, neither does he. If we had ever had those types of conversations, then we would have had the beginnings of a real relationship, wouldn’t we? And we certainly couldn’t have that. I only found the strength to dig deep and discover my own motivation after my heartache and shame sent me in search of the self-destructive patterns in my life. David certainly wasn’t my first unavailable
relationship, only the most obvious and painful one. After my seventeen-year marriage to a man who repeatedly cheated on me, I couldn’t believe that I had managed to become involved in a similar type of triangle.
It took a long time to even see my patterns. I had dated such different types of men, or so I thought. The more diverse your dating history is, the harder it is to identify a pattern. The truth is, you don’t need to be aware of the dynamics for the agreement to work—but it demands your awareness to make a change.
Step One in determining whether you are unavailable or not is to take an inventory of your own history. (There will be much talk of lists
and inventories
in this book. They can be tough at times, but they can also be incredibly useful in that they force you to think, write, and focus on the true nature of your patterns.) Think about this; if your relationships include a year with a workaholic who never had time for you, another year with someone who lived clear across the country, and an additional year with a person who was waiting for his children to grow up, you would’ve spent three years not getting what you want—unless what you want is to stay single!
Remember, I’m not talking about dating for fun. If that’s what you’re doing, then, by all means, date all kinds of different people and enjoy the ride. But you may not find intimacy. What I’m talking about in this book is the search for a healthy and meaningful relationship. Not that that shouldn’t be fun, but along with the fun comes the responsibility of awareness.
In the following pages I will try to profile some types
you should watch out for. Keep in mind, like most rules or guidelines, there are always exceptions. These are intended to be signposts that inspire new insights into your