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    Pornography in Our Marriage: Ten Latter-day Saint Women Share Their Faith
    Pornography in Our Marriage: Ten Latter-day Saint Women Share Their Faith
    Pornography in Our Marriage: Ten Latter-day Saint Women Share Their Faith
    Ebook102 pages1 hour

    Pornography in Our Marriage: Ten Latter-day Saint Women Share Their Faith

    By Ten LDS Women Share Their Faith

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    About this ebook

    These ten amazing women have all faced pornography in their marriage. Each one is an active member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Their ages range from the 20's to the 50's and they currently live all over the world. Five are still married, five divorced (with most of those remarried). But all are happy and at peace because of their faith in Jesus Christ and His Atonement.

    LDS women do not talk openly about their personal problems with pornography, usually because there is a husband to be protected, but they often wish they could because women gain strength from sharing with other women. The open, supportive, and personal nature of this book will help satisfy that need in a non-embarrassing, safe way. The women who have read this book have begged us to share it with others, saying, "Every woman should read this book!" and "It was talking about something so horrible and yet I felt so uplifted!" One woman gained so much courage and peace from reading these stories that she was finally able to take a stand against the pornography in her marriage.

    LDS men need this book, too! The men who have read this collection have described it as "insightful" and "helpful." One man read these stories and decided to finally get help for his pornography addiction. Another man said that it gave him more empathy for women, which then increased his ability to love his wife and fight his addiction.

    LDS bishops and leaders, we are especially hopeful that you will read this eBook and be able to better help a husband who is addicted to pornography and his wife who needs just as much empathy and support.

    Everyone is affected by pornography in today's pornographic world. We must be better prepared and better educated concerning this epidemic. We want this eBook to bless your life; to bring you closer to Christ and closer to your loved ones.

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherTen LDS Women Share Their Faith
    Release dateDec 28, 2012
    ISBN9781301484201
    Pornography in Our Marriage: Ten Latter-day Saint Women Share Their Faith

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    • 4/5
      I wish books about repentance were written by the people who sinned rather than from the perspective of someone else. It makes people feel that they must be the only ones with struggles and by struggles I don't mean struggles someone else's sins. I've tried to find people who've gone through a repentance process and there's nothing. The stories always end the same. Usually with the wife spitting on the grave of their "abusive" husband. It doesn't increase faith in repentance or grace of God or the grace of people to view others as anything but a laundry list of faults.
    • 5/5
      Thank you so much for sharing these stories. As a devote wife of a pornography addicted husband, I found much comfort in these testimonies that I can relate to. It is so wonderful to know that I'm not alone. I recommend this book to anyone, Christian or not, who are going through this kind of struggle.

    Book preview

    Pornography in Our Marriage - Ten LDS Women Share Their Faith

    Pornography in Our Marriage

    Ten Latter-day Saint Women

    Share Their Faith

    Published by Ten Latter-day Saint Women at Smashwords

    Copyright 2012 Ten LDS Women

    Smashwords Edition, License Notes

    This ebook is licensed for your personal use only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you.

    Table of Contents

    Grace

    Leisl

    Christine

    Jane

    Sophia

    Abbie

    Katelyn

    Emily

    Rachel

    Lily

    For Those Who Struggle

    For Those Who Want to Help

    Resource List

    Grace

    From the moment I met my husband, I liked him. We are a great match in so many ways. We were both raised in strong LDS families. He served a mission. We were married in the temple.

    During the first year of marriage, things seemed perfect...almost everything. My husband and I were totally in love with each other and got along really well. Intimacy was the biggest adjustment, but we enjoyed it. I attributed the differences between us to being man/woman differences instead of differences between a spouse addicted to pornography and one who was not. Those are still hard for me to distinguish.

    The other difficulty was a spiritual weakness. I felt distanced from the Spirit and I was a little sad about it, but I thought it was my fault for neglecting my spirituality. When I was single, I had spent a lot of time in the scriptures and praying. After meeting my husband, I spent most of my time with him and neglected my relationship with Heavenly Father a little bit. But every day in my prayers I thanked Him for my husband and for our happy marriage. We actively participated at church, prayed together as a couple most nights, and had short but regular scripture study (individually but simultaneously). Still, I wished we did more together in terms of spiritual fortification. It just seemed half-hearted sometimes. Prayers were brief. I tried not to be too judgmental of my husband. In some areas he had higher standards than I did, and just because his approach to nourishing his spirit did not exactly meet my expectations, that did not mean it was necessarily wrong.

    One day I felt down. I missed the close companionship of the Holy Ghost that I had previously been used to and I wondered if I would ever have it again. I mentioned this to my husband, hesitantly, because I did not want to offend him. I told him that I was so happy being married to him but that my spirit felt weak, that I just had a harder time feeling good, and I hoped he would help me recommit to daily spiritual nourishment. My husband looked so sad, the saddest I had ever seen him. He said, I’m sorry you feel that way, it’s not your fault. Confused, I tried to get more of an explanation from him but he was not in the mood for conversation. It was so strange. I did not figure it out, but I did not forget it either.

    Another time, I came home late from work and found him at the computer. I knew he had been home alone for a few hours and I knew the danger, so I deliberately asked what he had done. The news that he had been on the computer the whole time alarmed me, but I only asked a few questions. Maybe I should have been more straightforward and just asked, Have you been viewing pornography? but I did not want to make that awful accusation. Instead, I trusted him to answer my other questions truthfully. Then I warned him to use better judgment and not spend so much time on the computer next time I was gone.

    We were married for a year before my husband told me about his pornography addiction. We were spending an evening home together and he could not live with the deception anymore. There was a long prelude of him needing to tell me something but not wanting to. He did not want to hurt me, he wanted me to love him, but he was not good like I thought. I had suspected that something was wrong, but until this conversation I had not guessed it was so bad. My heart broke without knowing any of the specifics when I witnessed my husband’s complete despair. He was in torment and I guessed why. I hated thinking it, I hated asking him, Is it pornography? but he needed me to ask him.

    That is how the whole conversation went: me asking, him telling. I found out that he had viewed pornography via the Internet as a teenager until his parents figured it out and confronted him about it. With their support and the guidance of his bishop, he repented and prepared for a mission which he served faithfully. When we were engaged, the change of circumstance made it more justifiable in his mind, and he started up again. He never did anything worse than view pornography, but it happened more frequently over time. Sometimes he viewed it at home, sometimes at work.

    A few realizations hit me during this conversation. The first and most obvious one was that my husband was trapped in a horrible, deadly sin that was destroying him and our marriage. Second, he hated it and he hated himself for viewing it. Third, Satan is more cunning than I ever knew.

    Realization 1: Pornography is deadly. For my husband, life felt emptier and the influence of the Spirit grew weaker the further he sank. As much as I suffered throughout this whole thing, I think he suffered more. I was wounded, but my pain was lessened because of my faith. In terms of light, I might say that my world got dimmer whereas my husband’s world was black. The devil sent me his hail and his mighty storm, but they had no power over me to drag me down, at least not all the way down. My husband, on the other hand, was in the awful gulf of misery and…wo—there’s no better way to describe it (Helaman 5:12).

    Realization 2: Sin feeds hatred and self-loathing. Pornography is very repulsive to me so I have a hard time understanding the attraction. My husband did not hate it the way I hated it, but he hated being a slave to it. He was rock bottom, expecting me to leave him, and hopeless of ever being redeemed. I did not think of leaving him—probably because he was repentant—but if I had, I am not sure he would have recovered. He needed my faith; he needed me to believe he could be clean and free again.

    Realization 3: Satan is cunning. My husband believed he was defeated. He had no hope. He had forgotten the purpose and power of Christ’s Atonement. But he had known it before! How could he forget? Sin made him forget and this has helped me understand Christ’s doctrine better. It is not our works that save us; it is our faith and the Savior’s grace. But one reason that obedience is so important is because it builds our faith, whereas sin destroys it, even the memory of it.

    Along with these lessons that I learned, a miracle happened in me and I was blessed with charity like I had never experienced before. Besides needing my faith, my husband needed my love. He needed someone to love him in spite of his sin. I believe that Heavenly Father never stopped loving my husband but my husband lost his ability to feel that love, so I was blessed to give it in a way that he could accept.

    The Lord did bless me, but I do not want to give the wrong impression. In truth, this experience has been awful (not the marriage, but the pornography). I wish it had never happened; we both do. The night my husband made his confessions was difficult and a little surreal. The next day was even harder. We were both working all day and couldn’t talk until the evening. All day I was plagued with doubts: Was I wrong to marry him? Should he or someone else have told me what I was getting into? Was I a fool for not realizing what was happening? Did I contribute to the problem? I suppose these kinds of doubts are as normal as they are false and with time, I became certain that none of this was my fault.

    The first steps toward repentance and healing were to pray and talk

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