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    Confessions of a Catholic School Dropout
    Confessions of a Catholic School Dropout
    Confessions of a Catholic School Dropout
    Ebook282 pages6 hours

    Confessions of a Catholic School Dropout

    By Patti Lavell

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    About this ebook

    “Confessions” is a flippant tale about an outspoken, unorthodox girl growing up in a strict, Irish Catholic home. Laugh-out-loud humor helps soften the hard truths about Patti Anne's unusual life and the cast of unbalanced, sometimes cruel, characters around her. Mustached nuns, botched Confessions, the attempted seduction of a priest and intoxicated Irish Catholic Godparents are brought to life with irreverent and shocking clarity.

    Patti Anne's gender was a great disappointment to her family and she was constantly reminded, verbally and otherwise, that her lack of male parts killed her Godfather Patrick. Had she been born with a penis, he wouldn't have been ripped from his loving family. Hoping to rid herself of the proverbial monkey, she pretended to be a boy, a charade fully supported by most of her dysfunctional family.

    In sharp contrast to the lie she lived, the importance of following the Ten Commandments and other ridiculous rituals was beaten into her head as well as her backside by the vicious and vindictive nuns who ruled her world. It wasn't in Patti Anne's nature to blindly follow the herd and her penchant for pranks and endless questions have lasting consequences.

    Patti Anne's Aunt Elizabeth, a combative woman with a thick Irish brogue and sharp tongue, is fiercely protective of her goddaughter. Although she hits first and asks questions later, she is frequently the most sane adult in Patti Anne's world and is the only one on whom the girl can rely for affection. Elizabeth teaches Patti Anne about love and more importantly, the healing effects of laughter. All that changes when Elizabeth accuses Patti Anne of killing a second time.

    Patti Anne reacts the only way she knows how. . . with irreverent humor.

    The book has earned thirty-one five-star ratings on Amazon since December 2012.

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherPatti Lavell
    Release dateFeb 24, 2013
    ISBN9781301089840
    Confessions of a Catholic School Dropout
    Author

    Patti Lavell

    I'm a mother of two and married to a wonderful man who treats me like a queen. I'm passionate about writing, cooking and laughing. I love my family, good cheese, a nice Malbec and my beautiful island home; they inspire me.

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    Reviews for Confessions of a Catholic School Dropout

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    • 4/5
      Extended review can be found on The Review Board

      Disclaimer: Slight spoilers.

      When I decided to review this particular work, I should have known I would be in for an interesting ride just by the title of the first chapter, "The Missing Penis.” You’re probably thinking, “What kind of book would start off with someone’s member getting chopped off?” However, the first chapter has nothing to do with anything being chopped off, yet the title of it definitely fit.

      I was definitely drawn in by the premise of the story—the parents (particularly Mom) being disappointed that Patricia wasn’t a boy and her Mom trying to dress her up, cut her hair, and make her be a boy. Patricia is not only trying to make sense of her identity but she’s also trying to understand the ins and outs of Catholicism.

      As far as the characters, the only character I really cared about was Patricia—her triumphs, her discoveries, her being in and out of trouble.

      Other characters provoked negative reactions out of me, like the mean, hairy nuns (which I wanted them to get punished) Patricia’s brother, Scott (for the crimes he committed), and Patricia’s mom (for not being emotionally there and allowing certain things to happen).

      The pace and style was also in alignment with what I was looking for in this book: a mixture of inquiry, experimentation, and dealing with the aftermath seemed to be the consistent ebb and flow in this work.

      Although I don’t know Irish dialogue, there was enough context surrounding it for me to chuckle along. For those who can’t really pick up on it, the Irish dialogue may be the biggest struggle in trying to get through the book.

      This book is like “an onion” (like Shrek would say). It has many layers. Some of the layers will make you laugh while many others will make you cry.

      Therefore, this work may not be for everyone, so I will have to do a slight spoiler as an alert.

      Confessions may not be for you due to the some of the themes addressed, such as:

      1. Molestation
      2. Masturbation (at an early age)
      3. Alcoholism
      4. Brute discipline (bordering on abuse)
      5. Fun being poked at Catholicism (if you are fiercely Catholic, then you may not appreciate the comedic undertones)

      Overall, I view Confessions of a Catholic School Dropout as a dark comedy more than anything—an invitation to others that it’s okay to laugh at the pain because that is what the main character is doing to cope.

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