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    Assholes
    Assholes
    Assholes
    Ebook52 pages58 minutes

    Assholes

    By Ina Disguise

    3.5/5

    ()

    Read preview

    About this ebook

    Since I was young, I have often wondered why people are horrible for no apparent reason, so now that I am older and wiser, I thought I would interpret for the nice and jot down a few situations I have experienced, with some possible reasons why people act the way they do.
    It is the book I wish I had had before I started. It would have saved a lot of pain along the way.
    Presenting a few amongst my lifetime of horrible people and unpleasant situations - it is a shame the nice ones are not as memorable as the nasty.

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherIna Disguise
    Release dateJun 12, 2013
    ISBN9781301076871
    Assholes
    Author

    Ina Disguise

    Ina has lived many lives, this is only one of them.

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    Reviews for Assholes

    3.5/5

    3 ratings2 reviews

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    • 4/5
      I am the author, so I gave myself 4. You should not really review the book unless you actually read it. This is not a story. It is a list of situations in which people have acted badly, including me. There is no more to it than that, and there is no implication of mistreatment. It is strange that I wrote this book for younger readers, and almost universally have had good feedback from younger readers. Older readers do not appear to have the required flexibility to understand that it is a piece of creative writing rather than a story. I could easily have written medieval assholes, or Victorian assholes, and covered it much the same way. In fact, I just might.
    • 1/5
      This is a short apparently autobiographical rant about specific personalities and behavior, without any discussion or insight - just a list of people (the list is quite long) who appear to have mistreated the author.

    Book preview

    Assholes - Ina Disguise

    Assholes

    By Ina Disguise

    Published by Ina Disguise at Smashwords

    Copyright 2013 Ina Disguise

    Smashwords Edition, License Notes

    This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

    This book is all about assholes. There are many reasons why people are assholes, these are just a few of the ones that I have come across. You will have many assholes in your life too. This was very very hard to write, because I did not want to remember a lot of it. As Harry, one of the assholes on my list, says, sometimes there is nothing you can do or say, people are just assholes. Even you.

    Lucy is an asshole. She is your sister. She is an asshole because when you first managed to blow up a balloon at the age of three, she took great pleasure in bursting it with her cigarette, which you initially thought was pretty because of the smoke she blew out of her nose, but learned at two years old that it tasted horrible when she stuck it in your mouth and that she could burn you with it.

    When you were eight, she swung you around her head and dislocated your shoulder. You were in a sling for eight weeks, but nobody remembers. Nobody remembers when she screams at you either, even while she is doing it. Nobody ever seems to remember her doing anything wrong at all, in fact, because they are frightened of what she will do if they mention it. She becomes jealous when her Italian boyfriend is nice to you because he likes children. You say to yourself that when you are twelve you don’t have to talk to her anymore because you will be old enough not to.

    Yucky Diane is an asshole. You are four years old. Yucky Diane’s mother is a singer, so the nursery teachers keep asking her to sing. She is not very good because she is four. She has shiny red hair.

    When you realise, in primary one, that there cannot logically be a Santa, you tell everyone. They cry. You are an asshole.

    Rosalind is an asshole. She has just walked up to you in school and called you a fat pig, despite never having spoken to you before. She has hair in a shiny brushed helmet and is considered very pretty. She wears an a-line grey skirt and is always immaculate. She is an asshole because her mother has led her to believe that looking perfect makes you perfect. You always thought she was very pretty, but this incident made you realise that she was actually very ugly.

    Later in life, her mother, who doesn’t know who you are, accuses you of stealing tinsel from the church as you help take the decorations down for your mother. She is very embarrassed, but she is really an asshole too.

    Babs is an asshole. She grabs your over-developed breasts at the age of 11 and shouts and laughs at you. She is actually jealous because she is very thin and flat chested, but she doesn’t know this. You eventually stop her doing it by grabbing her by the throat, lifting her off her feet and telling her very slowly and menacingly that you will tell a teacher if she persists. When you meet her later at 16 she thinks that this was very funny. Although you are very kind to her, you still think she is an asshole.

    Michelle is an asshole because she started a group of her hyena friends shouting at you in the school playground because you had a different accent from them. You reply in broad Glaswegian slang that perhaps you should talk more like them. They are so shocked that they never bother you again.

    Denise is an asshole. She has insinuated herself into your friends and has turned them all against you. She also has shiny brushed hair and enormous lips and although her ability to keep up with clothing trends makes her very popular, she is not pretty at all. She has a boyfriend who she likes to swap named maltesers with, and this is considered by your friends to be very cool. She decides who everyone fancies. She has become an asshole by herself, as her mother is very nice and not at all perfect. Her brother is also very nice and you have talked to him a lot. She doesn’t

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