Neshama: The Joy of Living

Chapter One

Y ‘OUR GIFT ……………the beginning

In the early hours of a new day, and it would appear this is my time of inspiration when all around is quiet and still, God led me to read 2 Corinthians chapter 12 verse 2 ‘I know a man in Christ who 14 years ago was caught up to the 3rd heaven, whether in the body or out of the body, I do not know, God knows’ v 3 ‘And I know that this man was caught up into paradise, whether in the body or out of the body, I do not know, God knows, and he heard things that cannot be told, which man may not utter.’

I find this guidance from God quite remarkable. This is a topic I have previously written about and comes under the heading of ‘beyond the physical,’ and of course, whether it is called ‘heaven’ or ‘beyond the physical’ or as the scientists generally refer to it, the ‘next dimension,’ they are all one and the same. As a Christian, I know and believe God’s Kingdom exists and I also know there is a place called ‘hell,’ which I am sure, if it be in God’s plan, then He will direct me into writing about the souls who are lost. This experience which Paul writes about, must have been his personal experience of visions; one that is sometimes referred to as an ‘out of the body’ experience, an occurrence beyond the physical.

For a while now I have often wondered what the reaction will be to some of my writing, especially the gift of visions, some of which I am sure, through God’s guidance will be written about. I understand there are people or sects who practice transcending, looking for the inner light and eternal peace. My experience in and through God’s gift of visions is of indescribable joy, a place to reside within the peace of God. Apart from one vision set in a trilogy, it is always my desire to remain within the vision and not to return to the physical, but of course, always knowing at some point the vision would cease.

A time of learning and understanding within the fullness of God.

Although I have always believed in a continuation of spiritual life in eternity with our Heavenly Father after leaving the physical body, it is in being led to read this passage from Corinthians, that I begin to ponder more upon the visions Paul was receiving, an experience beyond the physical existence. There is so much to understand of where our spirit, the very intimate centre of our existence, will be in death of our earthly body. It can only be in life eternal with our beloved heavenly Father. By giving me this passage, could God be guiding me into a new way of learning, or a fuller way, about life with Him in eternity? I hope so!

Ephesians 3: 3 ‘how the mystery was made known to me by revelation, as I have written briefly’ 4 ‘When you read this, you can perceive my insight into the mystery of Christ.’ The mystery of Christ came to Paul by revelations, perhaps in visions, which I now write about. Our Lord has His time for all things. In Acts 22: 17 we read of Paul falling into a trance with revealing revelations; ‘When I had returned to Jerusalem and was praying in the temple, I fell into a trance v 18 and saw him saying to me, ‘Make haste and get out of Jerusalem quickly, because they will not accept your testimony about me.’ In Daniel 2: 29 ‘To you, O king, as you lay in bed came thoughts of what would be after this and he who reveals mysteries made known to you what is to be.’ And Romans 16: 25 ‘Now to him who is able to strengthen you according to the revelation of the mystery that was kept secret for long ages.’ Secret mysteries revealed through visions and God’s Divine Word.

Here we can perceive enlightenment of ‘being one’ within the soul, unity with the Holy Spirit within us. Are these thoughts that Daniel writes about, of an unknown experience until the death of Christ; an experience for the individual which was held in secret until the birth, crucifixion, and rising of Jesus? After the rising of Jesus, the mystery so often talked of, is now being spoken about through Paul and the Disciples. Helpful also, perhaps, in the understanding of the Trinity; Father, Son and Holy Spirit; God made known in His fullness, as He manifested in the flesh in His Son Jesus, Divine yet human.

Ephesians 3: 19 ‘and to know the love of Christ, that surpasses knowledge that you may be filled with all the fullness of God.’ Through prayer, meditation and reading of God’s Word we come into closer understanding of the unity within our soul, unity of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit. Through the gift of vision, God has shown me another dimension of His Kingdom, one that I could never have imagined existed. So often Father, people ask me why you have given me this gift. Well, I can’t answer that one, although I do long to spend time with you, especially during the night. But this gift is not of my choosing, although it has so changed the depth of my love for you. This is your will and is given for our growth, reflection and knowledge, and I know a gift you would have me use wisely for a greater understanding of your Kingdom.

I am sure I will be writing many times during the course of this book, about being in unity with you Lord, creator of all that exists. It is all about taking a step of faith, and coming to know your love. This is our gift from you, a gift given to us so that the Holy Spirit will come and make His home within us, so that we might serve you. Ephesians 2: 8 ‘For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing, it is a gift from God. 22 In him you are also being built together, ‘into a dwelling place for God’ by the spirit.’ In Ephesians chapter 3 beginning at verse 14 to the end Paul goes on to tell how the power of the Holy Spirit may grant us strength within our inner being. 20 ‘Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think according to the power at work within us.’ We are able to do far more than we realize we are capable of, when we have spiritual unity in accordance to the power at work within us; knowing that our Father will not ask of us that which we cannot achieve, but knowing there is a power at work within us, when we have reached acceptance of understanding God in unity, Father, Son and Holy Spirit.

Is this a time of testing for me? What is next? Am I worthy? What will transpire within this writing? Surely I already have the answers to some of my many questions in front of me, within the guidance given by God in the latter reference, ‘now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think according to the power at work within us.’

I cannot make any apologies for repeating various texts because they are relevant to the way in which the Lord is leading me.

All through our writing I have continually had to pray and seek for answers, but always learning a great deal in the process. God does answer prayer in His time and way, not our way, which is often the path we take, or maybe I should say the path I take, due to a lack of patience! There are so many different aspects to prayer and I am sure we will cover many of them throughout ‘The Joy of Living’ but I realize Father, that you need us to give of ourselves to you; in turn we will receive a far greater understanding of the Holy Spirit working in us. In listening to others talk, it concerns me Father that time is not given to listen for your answers, nor just to wait on you in silence. My understanding over the years has been, the closer I draw to you, more time needs to be spent with you in the quiet which gives me a greater understanding of the way forward. I don’t always hear your voice or know your guidance but if I don’t wait in silence and listen, how can I understand your will for my life? How can I know what you would have of me? How can I know your wisdom and guidance, if I do not give of myself to you?

Well, of course, I have to give you time, and it is such a joy Lord, to spend time with you. It is not a burden and so many blessings come from giving of myself.

Psalm 46: 10 ‘Be still and know that I am God…………’

Often I am impatient to move on to the next topic of writing and this means I have not always fully understood what the Lord is saying to me. In my haste I miss what direction He is taking me on, but after a time of pondering, He will guide me back on the right path. There is always so much to learn and understand from Him; it is my reason for living for Him. Romans 15: 13 ‘May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope.’ The divine power of God within His gift to us, has given us a special hope for whatever situation we find ourselves in.

There is a chance that in a changed thought, when an individual commitment is made, a new way of life will be revealed, for all who choose to follow the way of the cross; a personal choice and chance for the world to be perfected and in unity.

Could this ever be?

You know Father, I have loved you almost all of my life and yet the walk you take me on now is something I could never have previously comprehended. To feel so close to you, to understand our unity, to know that you have a plan for my life, to experience the truly magnificent gifts manifested through your Holy Spirit are joys that flood my soul.

Ephesians 4: 7 ‘But grace was given to each one of us according to the measure of Christ’s gift.’ I have pondered a great deal on this reading and again many questions run through my thoughts. Do I use God’s gifts to the best of my ability? How worthy am I to be called a child of God, because if I am not confident in Him, how can I benefit others with the gifts He places on me? How much time do I give Him, because if it is not much, then will I ever know all that He is placing on my life? Will I ever be able to assess the extent of His gifts? All of us are given gifts to bring us together as a whole. What is my gift in return to Him, for His life given in sacrifice for mankind? Is it the way in which I use my gifts, by living His way and fulfilling what He calls me to do? Because we are talking of His gift of life to us, His gift of the Holy Spirit to help us live our lives in accordance to His commandments and will; and also the many gifts that are bestowed upon us through the Holy Spirit.

So many questions!

I believe Father, as we continue our writing, all these questions will be answered for our greater understanding of your purpose, for our gift of life.

Later in the book, we discuss the worth of my life, and all life that is lived in the Lord; how the worth of our life is changed when lived in unity within Father, Son and Holy Spirit.

Ephesians 4: 13 ‘until we all attain to the unity of faith and of the knowledge of the Son of God to mature manhood, to the measure of the stature of the fullness of Christ.’ What a bold statement from Paul; I do believe that by being led to read this verse God is beginning to guide me through the many queries circulating my mind that for me are a daily focus.

My thoughts constantly wonder about my gift to Him, in return for His life given for me, for all of us, on the cross. Our gifts, as well as our gift of life, are given to us for a purpose, to work within the fullness of Christ for the better future of our existence. Can I give enough of myself, all of myself? Is He in every area of my life? Do I put Him first? Oh, how I would love to say ‘yes,’ but do I truly believe that?

Can I ever have grown sufficiently in Christ to call myself worthy alongside that of His stature; ‘Father I pray that through your guidance and patience, one day, even if it is to be at the end of my physical life, I will be worthy to stand in your presence’.

But of course, you might return at any time....................

What is my gift in return for the gift of Jesus?

Ephesians 4: 23 ‘and to be renewed in the spirit of your minds 24 and to put on the new self created after the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness.’ Until we change our lives in such a way that we can live up to what Paul is teaching us in Ephesians, we cannot even begin to consider being as the stature of Christ. Father, how hard I must work to achieve anything near to this! I need to gain more strength of discipline in listening to your voice and direction, to spend more time in your presence. Jesus, your Son, when you became flesh, is such an example for us today; He was divine yet humble in all that He did. I pray always Father, to have that humility in my life. A few words which are constantly on my mind are in 1 Thessalonians 5: 21 ‘………hold fast what is good………,’ - another teaching from Paul and what an impact these words have on our lives, on my life, because you Father are of all goodness and perfection. Throughout our lives, this is the goal we need to aim for in our walk with you.

Everyday I thank God for my life and ask Him to use this given life, the life He gave me for His purpose and to His glory, that He will bestow on me His wisdom, strength and guidance in all things. And Father, everyday I realize how you do guide and give direction in all areas of my life. As I re-read this early writing of the book which began so many years ago now and look back on all that God has done in my life, where He has taken me in my walk with Him, it evokes an enormity of love for the One who breathed His breath of life into me.

Looking back over the years, I realize how God had already begun a change in my life, before He called me into a renewal of my gift of life and spiritual growth in Him. He has a plan for my life that I need to adhere to. The following are a few words written many years ago, through God’s guiding hand, in a book of prayers which I occasionally use during my times of quiet spent with Him: ‘I pray to be what you are for me, to be there for others as you are for me, to hear your voice always there, with an answer and guidance to my never ending prayer..................’ This is part of a personal prayer for me and words that I use, as in a longing desire to have the humility, patience and love of Jesus reflected in me. As I sit and write these words I can only wonder at the glory and magnitude of our Heavenly Father, that He is calling me for a reason, and as I begin to contemplate more by spending time in His presence, He begins to answer my prayers. Only He knows the need I have within my soul, not just to worship Him, but to serve Him, in any way He places upon my life.

Certainly now I begin to understand how God is beginning a change in my thoughts, words and actions.

Father, I can only ask, ‘What would you have of me?’

Whatever is your will, please help me to fulfil it.

Matthew 5: 48 ‘You therefore must be perfect as your heavenly Father is perfect.’

Is it humanly possible for me [us] to be as God is, as He created us, of all goodness and perfection? This is what Christ is teaching us. When we have put ourselves into His keeping we have to separate ourselves from worldly things, to be devoted to God’s way and not our way. I must take stock of what He is teaching me throughout His word. Surely in giving His life for me, the least I can do is try; what a goal to reach!

As I begin this new way of writing in a more spiritual direction, I cannot help but wonder what God has in store for me. This is an exciting prospect and I know there will be new and greater understandings as He guides me throughout the words of His Book into His will, His way, His purpose.

Please help me always to be open for the Holy Spirit to work in my life.

Chapter Two

DIVINE POWER WITHIN

Isaiah 55: 8 ‘For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways’, declares the Lord’ v 9 ‘For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.’

In giving our lives into the Lord’s keeping, we begin to understand that situations arise and we know it is of God’s will and purpose, although at times it is hard. And this is where patience comes in, because we cannot perceive what God’s will is for us; we cannot even begin to try and work out what God is thinking. It is beyond our thought. God’s plans are very different from our plans and we return here, to spending more time in prayer with Him, so that we can begin to understand His way for us as we walk with Him.

God’s knowledge and wisdom is far greater than ours. We cannot comprehend comparing our thoughts with His thoughts but He will help us to mould our lives in the way He would have us be. When He gives me a statement, word, Biblical guidance, answers prayer, I feel so enamoured that a mere human being like me could be a recipient of His majestic power.

My way.

Each individual has different thoughts. Occasionally we see ‘eye to eye’ with someone, but many times, especially when reading the Word of God, we arrive at different interpretations or views on a given passage. There is just one way to our Father, through the death and rising of Jesus, His Son; a personal commitment made between the individual and his Father in heaven. It is for me, for us, to decide how we are going to live our lives in accordance to God’s way. Not always easy, but always beneficial and fruitful.

Know my voice.

How wonderful to hear you Father, and how I long for these moments. Somehow in hearing your voice, my love for you overflows and surely I should be thanking you for using me in the way that you have chosen. And yes Lord, I realize the more time I spend drawing closer to you, the more I understand what you would have of me.

In living your way, your voice and guidance become more paramount. Thanking you doesn’t really sound adequate and yet in return, I will fulfil your will, with your help and guidance.

Revelation 3: 19 ‘Those whom I love, I reprove and discipline, so be zealous and repent. 20 Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door I will come in to him and eat with him and he with me.’ - words of Jesus as He talks to John about the church in Laodicea. This is a wonderful verse, teaching us to look within ourselves and see if we are worthy for the Holy Spirit to live within us. What is the life or dwelling that I build for my Father?

I pray Lord, to be worthy of your calling; the door to my heart is open and I am ready to fulfil your will.

The early hours of a new day are the moments I love to spend with you Father, because they generate a feeling of inclusion in that quiet atmosphere; all is so still and calm. It is during these hours that I have come into a greater comprehension of the fullness of you, as in Father, Son and Holy Spirit; this is drawing me into a deeper experience of unity with you. I have certainly learnt over the years, time needs to be given to you. How else will I/we hear your voice? I know you guide and touch lives in many different ways, but if I do not listen………………….. You are our greatest teacher, and I find the directness through your voice or given word in the Bible, is giving me fresh understanding, either in answer to prayer or to a topic you are guiding me into.

Proverbs 4: 4 ‘he [father] taught me and said to me, Let your heart hold fast my words; keep my commandments, and live.’

I understand also the times of chastisement when I get things wrong, when I go gaily ahead, impatient, and not listening! Proverbs 3: 5 ‘Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.’ - words that are now with me constantly and keep me focussed.

[Through the gift of vision you have exposed my mind to an area of your Kingdom, which previously had been alien to me. Sometimes what you have shown me has almost been too much to comprehend; the power of your gifts are inconceivably beyond measure. I look forward to writing about these experiences, if it be your will Lord.]

1 Corinthians 12: 13 ‘For in one spirit we were all baptised into one body, Jews or Greeks, slaves or free and all were made to drink of one spirit.’ And what an answer you give me on this particular occasion; for when we come to know you, to know your voice, your guidance, we can be brought together in faith to share in the one Holy Spirit. In our universal love for you, we all become one in you. We are all different, individually created. Isn’t that amazing Father, that we are all different, billions of people in our world, all different? Sorry I’ve deviated! For all your children are baptised by the one, Holy Spirit, your Spirit, all being blessed with a purpose for the greater good of mankind [which we have already mentioned.] But there is no getting away from the fact, we need to draw close to you for your plan to be fulfilled.

Your voice is so different from what one would imagine, or is it? And yet … I have always understood your guidance and wisdom, but to hear your voice, a physical voice, what did I expect? I don’t know. I am convinced that throughout our writing all answers will become clear. For us to be writing in this manner must be for a purpose, for your reason.

Each writing Father, blends into one another, but that is your plan of course; your will, not mine!

The text we have just written shows us how, through giving our lives into your keeping, receiving salvation through the death of your Son Jesus and His rising again to have unity with you, we can all be brought together in worship, for the better good of all around us, so that we can reach all those who are lost to you. So why do we translate situations in our own way? There are now so many segregations of facts, covering many different faiths, all believing ‘their way’ is the ‘right way.’ If we all kept to the teachings throughout your Word [only of course there are many who do not believe in your Word], our thoughts would be on a similar vein. Whatever the individual’s belief and for want of continually repeating myself, if we drew closer to you, listened to what you are telling us, perhaps we could then become more united in one belief and not so divided. I find great difficulty when the concept of Jesus being the Son of you is discussed but not believed. I’m just ‘blown away’ by the specific direction in which you work; through faith, if trust is given unto you and believed, nothing is too great for the Divine power of you. No proof is needed. You are just so awesome! I cannot bear to think what is going to happen if Jesus is not accepted as your Son, but of course I already know; our lives have to be given into your keeping so that we might have salvation and life begin anew. This Lord, reminds me of the horrific vision you gave me of hell.

The manifestation of you in the flesh became one in unity in the Divine life of Jesus, your Son.

As mentioned previously, we are all different, each with our own special gifts, all being part of the ‘one body.’ As long as each individual works together, towards the same goal, by working and learning as a whole, could we not achieve greater harmony? And a text that I will probably use often, which has been taken from Jeremiah 29: 13 ‘You will seek me and find me. When you seek me with all your heart, 14 I will be found by you,’ declares the Lord………….’ We need to seek you more Lord, and I truly believe in drawing closer to you, you will activate your work within us. I just love those words, ‘I will be found by you.’ You are here for us right now, we only have to seek you and we will find you. What bliss, a perfect state of spiritual happiness!

Within the concept of all that you are Father, I realize you are also a God of humour because, as I was writing the word ‘activate,’ it was as if you were smiling. People might think that a strange word to use perhaps, but sometimes the way in which you guide me, it is like switching on a light, taking me from darkness into the light and understanding your will. You gave us the ability to smile and often I think we should laugh more. If we are to reflect your love, then I am sure you would prefer a happy face than a miserable one; there can only be joy in loving you. Laughing with you, knowing you are smiling, promotes so much joy within my soul. It is through your direction that this book is called ‘The Joy of Living;’ that in itself brings happiness, a happiness that you desire for us in our walk with you. These words also portray a love that flows from you, for all your children.

Times of sharing in worship with others, also fill me with joy and draw me closer into unity with you. I know there are times needed for reflection, for quiet, especially when we partake of the bread and wine, in remembrance of your death upon the cross. But even during those times there is a deep and lasting happiness within my soul that never leaves me. Perhaps it is because you have shown me yourself on the cross and your beautiful Crown of Glory. Because you gave your life for us, we can, in you, know unlimited joy, peace and happiness.

In loving you, it generates a deep pool of ecstasy.

And it is constant, ever regenerating.

Romans 6: 5 ‘For if we have been united with him in a death like his, we shall certainly be united with him in a resurrection like his.’ Because we believe in Jesus’ death and rising to be with you, we shall one day all be united. So I also believe Father, you would have us united on earth because if we all believed in you, through Jesus, as we live in this physical existence, we would all share in the gifts of the Holy Spirit as we come to know you in fullness. Also in Ephesians 2: 18 ‘For through him we both have access in one Spirit to the Father.’ - the Holy Spirit, your Spirit, intervening on our behalf, from us to you and you to us!

Romans 8: 26 ‘Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words.’

It is for us in our world to find a way of being united with others, in all areas of our lives.

Pondering on these given texts, I cannot help but wonder why we have periods of doubting within our lives, within my life. This book is about living a life of joy; the joy in our unity Father, together with your Son and Holy Spirit, knowing a joy fulfilled by living my life in you, which is available to all. As this writing continues I will try not to direct these words at the reader. Although the way in which I write is of you, any failings are mine alone. I know your words and directives are for us all - maybe others make the same mistakes that I make! And as I draft further chapters and hear your voice, I cannot think you would just mean your guidance, words, statements and visions are for me alone. I am sure others will benefit in my learning from you.

During my life, I have sometimes pondered on my depth of faith, especially during times of suffering, during moments of testing, perhaps, and yet, I had doubts as to where you were during those very bad times. Why did I doubt you because I have understood from a young age you were always with me especially during those periods of despair? Of course, it was through my doubting which took me a step or steps away from you. Was it myself I doubted, my lack of faith? And have I not just written from Proverbs ‘trust in the Lord with all your heart………..’? I have also realized throughout the years, that my walk with you is a constant learning process, and it is so easy to become side stepped in life, by life.

But that is no excuse.

Why and how could I have doubted you Father, especially during those times in my life when I needed you most? In my need for you, my doubts were at their highest and I should have been at my strongest! Even though this has been a long term condition, I should not have wavered. When things were going well, I did not spend enough time in your presence, I become too complacent, tried to go it alone. And yet, at times I didn’t have the energy to scrutinize my lack of faith and trust; I leant on my own understanding. Father, there were times during periods of suffering when I needed you so badly. It seemed in my thoughts at those times, my calls for help were not answered. In hindsight I feel ashamed to admit such failings. And yet they were failings, because I knew you heard me, I knew you were with me and knew in my weakness of spirit, you brought me through each day, especially those weeks spent in hospital.

So often people talk to me about healing - why some and not others, but only you Lord can answer that one! It is hard to understand my Father, how so many of your children, during their times of suffering, know you understand their pain but do not receive their miracle of healing. Oh please forgive me, we have just been writing about ‘your way’ and ‘not my way’.

Whether during a time of feeling well or otherwise, my need for you should not have wavered and I should have acknowledged that it is through prayer that my walk with you and love for you develops into an inner depth of joy and trust. And yet through my weaknesses, during the hardest situations, I have learnt the most.

As we continue writing I am sure you will bring me into a greater realization of my lack, because during those times of suffering, I knew you always held me. Now I feel so ashamed at the failure of weakness in me, because you did always give me the strength to get through that pain of suffering and I should have known and been open to the hope and courage that you always bestow.

2 Corinthians 12: 9 ‘But he said to me My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness ……………..’- the Apostle Paul, during a time of suffering.

Oh my Father, for me to have had doubts as to where you were, makes me feel so bad. And to think that you were holding me ................

Ephesians 2: 13 ‘But now in Christ Jesus you who were far off have been brought near by the blood of Christ.’ Through the dying of Jesus to forgive us our sins, so that we might know salvation, this guides us into a greater understanding of the Spirit of you, the Holy Spirit within us.

Colossians 3: 17 ‘And whatever you do in word or deed do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the father through him.’ I understand why you said Father, ‘my way;’ sometimes I feel like your advocate, in whatever I do or wherever you send me, and it is important for those who do not know you and also for those who do, to see a life being lived in the way you would have us live. Whatever is achieved, the glory is yours.

My power within.

Is it possible to understand the magnitude of your power within? You have changed and continue to change my life in relation to my walk with you and your will for using me, hearing your voice and receiving visions, all of which are of your segmental whole. And yet, somehow, when you say these words, ‘my power within,’ I feel you are reaching deep within my soul…………………..what am I missing? Recently I read how we shouldn’t look at our failings but at our strengths. The way I see it Father, in you and through your guidance and Word, strength will be gained when understanding my failings.

Certainly Father, I have much to learn about the enormity of your power, especially in hearing your voice; it never ceases to amaze me. So often people say to me it is of my imagination. If only they understood it is not so. Although your voice is within me, it is beyond me, as are the visions. The magnitude of your power goes far beyond knowing your voice and receiving visions and I am sure, by the end of our writing, my understanding, I hope, will reach into the immeasurable.

I couldn’t help but wonder why you gave me the above verse, but everything you are doing in my life is of you. It is why living for you generates so much joy. What could be greater than fulfilling your will? ‘Your will be done on earth as it is in heaven’ - words that Jesus taught the people when He was asked to show them how to pray to you, their Father in heaven. I had a funny thought then Lord, [forgive me] of you sitting in your glorious Kingdom and planning out the purpose for our existence on earth…………………..maybe it’s not so funny a thought! Reaching the latter part of my life, I feel an urgency to always be ready if you were to take me home to be with you, or of course, should you return to us.

Healing of the physical body has always intrigued me, whether it was through traditional medicine [which of course played a large role in my life], alternative medicine, meditation or prayer. I have tried all these concepts at one time or another!! Somebody said to me recently, ‘I would do anything, try anything, to help my ailing body,’ so I am not alone in my need for freedom of suffering, and yet I believe there were limits to my striving for a suffering-free existence. My focus should have stayed on you. It was during those stressful weeks and sometimes months in hospital, I found comfort in you; visitors had gone, lights turned out, unable to lie down to sleep, I felt so alone, except for you. I could never have imagined the impact of having a greater awareness of inner healing through the power of you in this later era of my life; the power of you at work within.

It is now my understanding how lax I have been, in not giving enough of my time to you, the one who gave me my gift of life, the one who has now freed me from that heavy burden. In my failings, you are showing me how ‘your power within’ strengthens and fulfils as I live for you.

Ephesians 3: 20 ‘Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us.’

No doubt throughout our writing, I am going to learn a great deal about the power of the Holy Spirit, your power working within.

A power beyond thought; a love immeasurable; a love without bounds and unconditional.

All that you are to me Father, should have helped me to over-ride my physical struggle.

In times of doubt your Word far outweighs any pain.

Contained within these few words Father, I realize how, during my times of needing you so badly, my love for you was insufficient, although that sounds contradictory because I have always loved you. Isn’t hindsight a wonderful concept? It generates a whole new perspective, one that is needed before an understanding is reached! And what a lesson learnt! I cannot help but wonder how differently I would have reacted to these kinds of situations, if I could go back before knowing a future outcome.

Interesting!

If I knew about a mistake I was going to make before making it, would I instead do it in the way you would have of me? I would like to think my answer would be yes, but I can’t know, can I? Only you know what lies ahead of each one of us. This lesson teaches me to make sure I get it right the first time!!

I cannot bear to think my love for you was insufficient, or lacking in depth.

Proverbs 18: 10 ‘The name of the Lord is a strong tower, the righteous man runs into it and is safe.’

Come in supplication.

The dictionary says of this word, ‘ask or beg for something earnestly or humbly.’

Time spent with you needs to be in earnest and with a humble heart, with sincerity, not asking for a ‘quick fix’, a five minute prayer and thinking that is good enough. Should I have leant on you more Father? And a very good example of the word ‘supplication’ from your Word, given to us by Paul in Philippians 4: 6 ‘Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.’ Knowing myself to be in desperate need for your healing, anxiety generated abhorrent thought from a virtual lifelong situation.

Do we need to change our way of praying? Do I?

Probably.

Could I be too flippant in asking of you Father?

I believe you are saying, come to me in faith, trust, gentle of heart; know and understand you have heard my prayers and whatever your will, in your time and way, it will be fulfilled.

Hearing your voice in this way is a new and profound experience for me and is guiding me into a greater understanding of all that you are. I am really glad that you are showing me where I could do better in my walk with you, how the Holy Spirit is alive today and living within my soul.

When the prophets of old spent time in your presence, it was during those times you spoke your Word, which is known to us as the Old Testament part of our Bible, your given Word. Prayer is a time that has to be given over to you, not just fitted in somewhere. It is all about our relationship with you, how close we come to you, or not, as the case may be. We know it is your desire for us to pray. So often we read in the gospels, how Jesus went away on His own to pray. He needed time alone with you, and I have to say Father, during those times of quiet, I love being with you. Ultimately it is having faith in prayer, knowing you hear and understand our needs and whatever your will is for us, it will be fulfilled.

Matthew 6: 6 ‘But when you pray, go into your room and shut the door and pray to your Father who is in secret. And your Father who sees in secret will reward you.’

My wisdom is your wisdom.

Divine wisdom, exceeding human capacity.

But Lord, what a statement this is! We are born with wisdom, a component implanted in the first of your human creation. And yet to know your wisdom, divine wisdom, must have far greater reaching consequences than that of our earthly wisdom. Your wisdom encapsulates all of existence, for you alone know all that there is to know. The way I see it, in your wisdom you call us, your children, to fulfil your will because you alone know how this will benefit the better good of humankind. And what greater way to receive your wisdom, than through prayer. I couldn’t fulfil the work you call me to do without your wisdom and, as you know Father, it is my daily request to understand your wisdom. Most definitely I would struggle alone but with you guiding me, everything falls into place; all part of your plan I guess.

I have always understood your guidance is limitless, but now in this time of my life, it is in hearing your Holy Spirit’s voice that I realize how much you do guide. Like so many of your words, statements and visions given to me over the past few years, it sometimes takes me a while to absorb the enormity of what you have said or shown. And even then, I am not too sure I completely take on board the overwhelming work of your Spirit within, especially now in giving these words, ‘my wisdom is your wisdom,’ that the wisdom of you Father, our creator, the soul of all that is, can actually be bestowed upon us/me. How great is that! The power of the Holy Spirit, of course!

Sometimes Father, when you speak and especially now with what you are saying, it is almost too much to comprehend. I do realize that you are available through your Spirit, in a power unknown to my thought, or perhaps I should say, not fully understood by my thought. I’m sure through your guidance, you will give me fulfilment within my soul.

As I try to absorb your words ‘my wisdom is your wisdom,’ I cannot help but wonder if it is being pretentious of me Father, to think that you, my Almighty God, would bestow His wisdom on a mere mortal like me? And yet, these words, ‘my wisdom is your wisdom,’ are not mine but yours. When I think about this Father, your way, the way in which you have enabled us to live through your Word, is of your wisdom, the body of knowledge of whom you are.

It is only now, as I re-read what we have written so many years ago, that I truly understand the enormity of your wisdom and guidance. You have changed my life beyond anything I could ever have imagined.

Ultimate Pinnacle.

Human, yet Divine.

When you became flesh in Jesus the Son of you, He became the emblem, the representation of Divinity in human form, living amongst the human race; the most successful point for that era. The Holy Spirit must surely be the ‘ultimate pinnacle’ in our lives today; the glory of all that you are.

Sometimes Lord, you blow my mind.

And yet, I do understand the Holy Spirit living and working in me.

I understand Lord, the way in which you are guiding me to write; your previous word, ‘supplication,’ and your statement ‘my wisdom is your wisdom,’ they work in unity. But everything you say brings all these aspects of your Holy Spirit into one.

When you say things like ‘ultimate pinnacle’ it needs thought, prayer and your wisdom.

But of course, that is what we have and are talking about!

Your great words of power and authority are written for our understanding, words you have spoken from beginning to end throughout your Word because through great men of old, our book, the Bible, is a book of wisdom and guidance, and it is for all people.

You appeared to Solomon in a dream and this can be read in 1 Kings 3: 5 – 15. He asked for your wisdom in all that he had to undertake in continuing to lead your people when his father King David died, and you gave it to him. He asked for an understanding mind to help him govern, and you gave it to him. What I learn here Father, is that when I come to you in prayer, my requests should be to have more of your attributes in my life and not so much of my requirements. If I look beyond myself, my joy will be full. Yes, I can bring my needs to you, and the needs of others, but if I can live in your wisdom, then that is what I would ask for me!

I hope my words do not sound disrespectful - they are meant with all sincerity. But the point is, you have already said that your wisdom is my wisdom, so what can I say, but thank you Father, with all of my heart for your blessing upon my life, and whatever is your will, please help me to fulfil it.

1 Corinthians 3: 16 ‘Do you not know that you are God’s temple and that God’s Spirit dwells in you? 17 If anyone destroys God’s temple, God will destroy him. For God’s temple is holy, and you are that temple.’

Trust my way.

You have given your direction Father, and continue to do so. Now it is up to me as an individual to follow your way, only I had thought that was what I was doing! Perhaps I have been living my own way too much. You now call me into a closer walk