As You Leave Home: Parting Thoughts from a Loving Parent
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About this ebook
Best-selling author Jerry Jenkins lets us listen in as he shares loving thoughts and advice with his son Chad, who is about to leave home for the first time. He conveys advice on the subjects most parents would like to discuss with their departing children but don't know how: unconditional love, relationships with others, nourishing the inner life, remaining sexually pure, the practical fundamentals of life, and making wise choices regarding a career, friends, and a mate.
Jerry B. Jenkins
Jerry B. Jenkins is the author of more than 180 books, including the 63,000,000-selling Left Behind series. His non-fiction books include many as-told-to autobiographies, including those of Hank Aaron, Bill Gaither, Orel Hershiser, Luis Palau, Walter Payton, Meadowlark Lemon, Nolan Ryan, and Mike Singletary. Jenkins also assisted Dr. Billy Graham with his memoirs, Just As I Am. He also owns the Jerry Jenkins Writers Guild, which aims to train tomorrow’s professional Christian writers.
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As You Leave Home - Jerry B. Jenkins
Scripture taken from the New King James Version. Copyright © 1979, 1980, 1982 by Thomas Nelson, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved.
Some people’s names and certain details of stories mentioned in this book have been changed to protect the privacy of the individuals involved.
All rights reserved. International copyright secured. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means—electronic, mechanical, photocopy, recording, or otherwise—without prior permission of the copyright holder.
First published in the US, 1993 by Focus on the Family Publishing
©2012 by Jerry B. Jenkins
Smashwords Edition
for Chad
contents
Copyright
Part One—Just Between Us
1. Nothing Can Tear Us Apart
2. When the Going Gets Tough
Part Two—Somewhere Out There
3. Major on the Majors
4. Keeping Short Accounts
5. The Power of I’m Sorry
Part Three—Between You and God
6. The Basics of Spiritual Discipline
7. Sexual Purity: God’s Good Gift
Part Four—The Practical Fundamentals
8. What You Absolutely Have to Know about Money
9. Taking Care of Your Body
Part Five—Those All-Important Choices
10. Making a Living, Making a Life
11. Five-Finger Friends
12. Your Second Most Important Decision
Notes
PART ONE
just between us
chapter one
NOTHING CAN TEAR US APART
And so it has come down to this: You’re going. Really going.
Oh, you’ll be back. It isn’t as if I will never see you again. But when you return, it won’t be for long. For all practical purposes, you are gone for good.
Though you’ll always remain in my heart and be a member of our family, nothing will be the same. While I may finance your lifestyle temporarily, you are now your own person, making your own decisions.
It’s stunning to realize that the clichés are true. All those platitudes I heard last week, when you were born, are now indisputable. Hang on to every moment, every day,
I was told when I showed you off as our new arrival. Before you know it, they’ll be gone.
I nodded and smiled and pretended to agree, to understand something beyond my wisdom. But what did I know? I was barely more than a child myself.
Before you know it
Now I tell new parents the same. I plead with them to heed, and they nod and smile and pretend to agree. Perhaps to them last night’s diaper change made the wee hours (pun intended) seem eternal. How I long to be awakened and needed in such an innocent way now! New parents wonder if those tedious times ever end, and tomorrow they’ll wonder where they went.
You’re at an age when you don’t want to be told what you do and don’t understand. So forgive the lump in my throat, the catch in my voice, and the glaze in my eye. They were right! They were right! is all I can think. You were here such a short time, and if I had my way, I would hold you desperately and keep you here.
How surprising that must sound. I remember when getting out on my own was a consuming passion—and it seemed the feeling was mutual. Why, then, my loved ones’ emotion at my leaving?
Much as you don’t want to hear it and perhaps don’t even want to think about it, the fact is you can’t understand me just now. You will. Your own child will educate you beyond any classroom or degree. You’ll cradle that baby in your arms, and anything else you ever cared about will pale to worthlessness. Your life, your being, will focus on that child. Though you’ll know and be reminded by experts that it’s not healthy to center your existence on your child, you will do it anyway, helplessly. You’ll be awash in a kind of love not often expressed articulately because there are so few words for it.
Then, too, there are so many distractions to the communication of that love. As you think back to your years at home, you may think of difficult times, of frustration, of quarreling, misunderstanding, lack of connecting. My years—here I go again—allow me to see those as only part of the whole, bits of a beautiful mosaic, the underside of an embroidered fabric.
I love you with all that is within me, with a love beyond words. It may take weeks, even months, to adjust to your absence. But even when I have overcome that and adapted to a freedom that long sounded attractive, some things will never change. You need to know that.
As you grew, you heard me say silly things like, Where was I when you were getting so tall?
Since when did you become so good-looking?
How could you be a teenager already? Weren’t you just in first grade?
You shook your head and wondered how adults could be so nerdy. I once felt the same. Yet now, in earnest passion, I try to convince you that life is, indeed, short. It is a vapor that appears for an instant and then vanishes.¹
Watching you as a freshman, I wondered what your mature body would be like when you were a senior. Suddenly the sophomore and junior years blipped past my radar screen, and I didn’t have to wonder. There you were, mature and defined, on the move. I tried to let go as I longed to hang on, so forgive me if the parting has come too quickly.
The songwriter tried to tell us in her beautiful lyric that the moment we try to hold in our hands slips through our fingers like sand. Yesterday’s gone, and tomorrow may never come, but we have this moment today.… Hold them near while they’re here and don’t wait for tomorrow to look back and wish for today.
²
Much as I knew that preparing you for this day was a priority, I spent less time preparing myself. But I don’t want you focused—especially now—on my melancholy, because I am proud. I am hopeful. I am praying. I want only the best for you; that’s what love is.
Only my selfishness would tell me I’d rather have you stay than go. That’s the same selfishness that is jealous of heaven when a beloved saint is taken. That covetousness would cup a butterfly in our palms and withhold it from its purpose—its freedom.
A dad’s unconditional love
So as you think about me with whatever emotion is appropriate, feel free to not focus on my pain, my longing—yes, my grief. It’s a hurdle. It’s my burden, not yours. I inform you of it for a higher purpose: to let you know the depth of my love for you.
I know you’ll make me proud, because you already have. At this transition, you need to know only one truth. It was best expressed by the same lyricist as above when she wrote:
We’d like to collect you and shield and protect you
And save you from hurts if we could;
But we must let you grow tall, to learn and to know all
That God has in mind for your good.
We never could own you, for God only loaned you
To widen our world and our hearts.
So, we wish you His freedom, knowing where He is leading,
There is nothing can tear us apart.³
Though there are many things you could do out there on your own to disappoint me, hurt me, or even repulse me, nothing can tear us apart. You