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    The Power of TED* (*The Empowerment Dynamic)
    The Power of TED* (*The Empowerment Dynamic)
    The Power of TED* (*The Empowerment Dynamic)
    Ebook130 pages2 hours

    The Power of TED* (*The Empowerment Dynamic)

    By David Emerald

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    About this ebook

    The Power of TED* provides a uniquely hopeful way of responding to challenging times. This fable explores the shift from a Victim Orientation focused on the drama triangle roles of Victim, Persecutor and Rescuer to a Creator Orientation and its antidote roles of Creator, Challenger and Coach. How to make this shift happen elicits hope for a more resourceful way to respond to life experience.

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherDavid Emerald
    Release dateOct 15, 2009
    ISBN9781452454924
    The Power of TED* (*The Empowerment Dynamic)
    Author

    David Emerald

    David Emerald Womeldorff is a consultant, facilitator, executive coach, speaker and author. Writing under the pen name of David Emerald, he is the author of The Power of TED* (*The Empowerment Dynamic), a teaching story about Self Leadership. He is also co-founder of the Bainbridge Leadership Center (Bainbridge Island, WA), which is committed to facilitating emergent leadership in an integral world. As director of the Center's Collective Leadership and Self Leadership practice areas, his focus is on supporting and facilitating individuals, teams, and organizations in making a conscious shift to leading and working from a vision-focused and passion-based orientation for their lives and livelihoods. David helps clients cultivate collaborative capabilities to create sustainable change and growth and to create powerful partnerships. He currently serves as an executive Coach and is on the faculty of the Executive Integral Leadership Program (IELP), an innovative program for Executive MBA students and business executives offered by the University of Notre Dame's Mendoza College of Business (Executive Education). David and his wife and business partner, Donna Zajonc, are faculty members of the International City and County Managers Association (ICMA) University. David's TED*™ framework has been selected to be a part of the University of Notre Dame's "Management and Leadership Certificate" e-learning program, as well as their EILP. He is a frequent guest presenter on The Empowerment Dynamic™, as well as his "Creating Powerful Partnerships: Seven Agreements for Accelerating Collaboration." David has consulted throughout the U.S. and internationally in a wide variety of industries. David has conducted thousands of one-on-one feedback, coaching and action planning sessions in his leadership, executive and organization development roles. He has facilitated groups in areas such as strategic visioning and action planning, cross-functional team development and managing change. David also has extensive experience in designing and leading educational programs, with a specialization in leadership development. Previously, David was Consulting Director of Bank One Corporation's Learning and Leadership Development, a corporate team of education and organization development professionals; Acting Director of Executive Education and Senior Development Consultant, managing and co-facilitating their highly-acclaimed Leadership Development Progra...

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      Loved this book! I'll be using it regularly as a reference. Highly recommend every one get an understanding of TED.

    Book preview

    The Power of TED* (*The Empowerment Dynamic) - David Emerald

    Praise for The Power of TED*

    When practical advice meets profound, yet simple explanations for human behavior, we can learn, change, and grow. The Power of TED* does just this, and beautifully."

    —Anne McKee, founder of Teleos Leadership Institute and co-author Becoming a Resonant Leader, Resonant Leadership, and Primal Leadership

    "Conscious relationships begin with conscious individuals. Being a Creator in one's own life is the heart and soul of The Power of TED*. This powerful little book points the way toward a hugely fulfilling life of empowering relationships—at work, at home, in the whole of your life."

    —Gay Hendricks, PhD, and Kathlyn Hendricks, PhD, authors of Conscious Loving (among many books) and co-founders of The Hendricks Institute

    Knowing the characteristics of the Dreaded Drama Triangle (DDT) and its creative alternative, The Empowerment Dynamic (TED*) is remarkable transformative. It's impossible to overstate my enthusiasm for this book!

    —Brian Johnson, founder of Philosopher'sNotes and Zaadz/Gaia.com

    THE POWER OF TED*

    *THE EMPOWERMENT DYNAMIC

    David Emerald

    Smashwords Edition

    Copyright 2009 by David Emerald.

    All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any form

    or by any means electronic or mechanical, including photocopying,

    recording or by any information storage and retrieval systems,

    without written permission of the publisher or author except

    where permitted by law.

    To all the Challengers, Coaches, and Co-Creators in my life

    Contents

    Preface

    1. A Fateful Meeting

    2. The Dreaded Drama Triangle

    3. A Drawing in the Sand

    4. The Victim Orientation

    5. Another Friend

    6. The Creator Orientation

    7. Dynamic Tension

    8. The Empowerment Dynamic

    9. Shift Happens

    10. A Fond Farewell

    A Note from the Author

    Appendix

    Acknowledgments

    Suggested Reading

    Index

    About David Emerald

    Preface

    Every parent knows the feeling. Children grow and mature, and the next thing you know they’re off on their own in the world. A strange brew of excitement, pride, awe, and a dash of anxiety churns inside as they forge their destiny. While my lot in life does not include children of my own, I am blessed to have stepchildren and have witnessed firsthand the wonder of growth that comes with experience.

    I feel that same sense of wonder at the emergence of this Second Edition of The Power of TED* (*The Empowerment Dynamic). TED* (*The Empowerment Dynamic) has matured during the nearly three years since its inception. Ways of explaining and applying the frameworks and processes found in this book have been honed and refined during this time. In my interactions with participants in seminars exploring and applying TED*, through countless conversations, and from the personal e-mails and the stories of those who are actively using this book with positive results, it is clear that TED* is making a contribution to people in all walks of life.

    When people realize that they can be at choice no matter what the circumstances, they feel empowered rather than diminished as they face whatever challenges life brings. Further, they report the excitement and release that comes from reconnecting with their innate capacity to create outcomes in their lives. As I blurted out during an early seminar, I am delighted to see that TED* plays well with others! What parent doesn’t beam when hearing of the positive impact their child has had on other people?

    And so I am pleased to report that TED* is making a difference in a wide spectrum of people, places, and situations. There is the physician who wrote, "The Power of TED* provided more insight into interpersonal relationships and the potential dysfunction of human relationships than my psychiatry rotation and the years of working in a public hospital. The CEO of a highly successful business shared, Our entire executive leadership team read TED* and . . . it has allowed us to be more aware and thus make different choices about the roles we play. It is a useful, effective, and powerful tool in our leadership tool kit. A helping professional e-mailed, Here I thought I would gain knowledge to help others, and yet I discovered that I was the one who needed the guidance. . . . I’m already aware of the significant impact reading your book has had on me, and I believe my life will be forever changed. I’m going to read it again and again until my practice becomes habit."

    Over the years I have heard and witnessed many other stories of TED*’s helpful influence. I remember the woman whose house was damaged in a tornado, yet she realized she was at choice as to how to handle the victimization she experienced. Then there was the employee who recognized the unworkable ways he reacted to workplace stress, and who was relieved to discover more effective ways of responding. The parent of a preteen proclaimed the commitment to shift from Rescuer to Coach in her relationship with her adolescent child. And perhaps most powerful of all, the federal prisoner who wrote, When I read the book, the puzzle came together, and who is now teaching TED* to fellow inmates.

    The list goes on, of course. (Have you ever noticed how parents love to tell stories about their offspring?) I couldn’t be happier to know that TED* is fulfilling its purpose in the world!

    So what exactly has changed in the second edition of The Power of TED*? Not much, is the short answer. The frameworks and dynamics are exactly the same. The story has been tweaked here and there to make it a bit more grounded in the telling. The models and diagrams have filled out a bit. How shift happens between the Victim and Creator orientations and the roles of the Dreaded Drama Triangle and TED* (*The Empowerment Dynamic) have slightly expanded as the pathways have become clearer. In short, TED* has matured.

    In the sharing of TED*, I have matured, too. I’ve discovered a paradox at the heart of this work that is becoming clearer all the time. While TED* is simple, it’s not an easy (nor always a graceful) way of being. It is at once simple and complex. As my friend and colleague Molly Gordon, MCC, points out, TED* is utterly simple and endlessly nuanced.

    Those who have committed themselves to enhancing their capacity to be a Creator are now choosing their responses to all that life offers. As they choose to create envisioned outcomes, they are finding it’s not a one-time choice, nor a solo journey. Some are forming informal TED* user groups —or TUGs. (Living in the Puget Sound region of the Pacific Northwest in the United States, I often see tug boats helping guide huge ships safely into harbor, so this seems an apt name.) A TUG serves as a collaborative learning community in which people come together to support one another as Co-Creators; to share best practices; to explore breakdowns and breakthroughs; to be Co-Coaches and Co-Challengers. To learn more about a TUG near you or how to form one, please visit the TUG section of our website at www.powerofTED.com.

    You’re also invited to visit the TED* Stories section of the website, where you’ll find a growing number of e-mails, letters, and stories submitted by readers, telling how they have used TED* to make a positive difference in their own lives as well as in the lives of others.

    People make The Empowerment Dynamic vibrant. By itself, it’s no more than a good tool, something that could make a difference if people chose to use it. TED* comes to life when you put it into practice in your life and relationships—when you share the journey with others. I still marvel at how well TED* plays with others, and I thank you for choosing to join in. Welcome!

    CHAPTER 1

    A Fateful Meeting

    From the bench where I sat overlooking the beach, it seemed I could see forever. The ocean spread out in a blue expanse, undulating its way into infinity. Yet I couldn’t really enjoy it. Inside I was constricted. The surf, some hundred feet below the bluff on which my bench sat, normally would have sounded soothing. Its calm was lost on me as I struggled with an insistent emptiness inside.

    It had been a particularly painful period. The bloom was, indeed, off the rose. A couple of years ago, my wife and I had bought the perfect suburban starter home, nothing lacking but the white picket fence. We had envisioned it as the place to start our family; for so long we had dreamed about having children. Then, months after the untimely death of my dad, with whom I had been very close, we received word from our doctor that I was infertile. Not only had I lost Dad, but now I felt that I was the victim of my biology. To my mind, the link between generations—first between me and my dad, and now between me and the child I had dreamed of fathering—was permanently shattered.

    After months of anguishing over options, my wife entered her grief and withdrew from our fragile marriage, unwilling to consider adoption or medical alternatives. Feeling abandoned and

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