• book

From the Publisher

Linda’s had a bad day. First her boyfriend killed her. Then she woke up, still on this boring plane of existence, and with an odd obsession about her missing body. Mike won’t tell her what he did with her body and she can’t find the stupid thing herself. There’s only one thing she can do - torment the bastard until he coughs up the information.

Warning: Contains adult themes and frequent profanity. The DEAD(ish) series is not suitable for children.

This is a very short book - novelette length.

--------
EXCERPTS

Mike says:
"It was accidental. Just believe me, OK? We were arguing, she told me I #### like a jellyfish (what the ####?), and I slapped her. ####, wouldn't you? Nothin' much, if she'd been a bloke she'da laughed in my face. But she fell off her stupid stilettos. That's all she was wearing, see, just stilettos and a coating of oil. ######, she stank like a #####house. But she said that, and she smirked. It was the smirk what did for me, but it was the high heels what did for Linda. She went sideways and lost her balance on the tall, stupid spiky things and went down, smacking her head on that fancy 'occasional table' with a nice meaty thump.

"She died 12 or so hours later. In her sleep. We'd called a truce and gone to bed and ####ed and fell asleep. I woke up clutching a dead-cold cadaver that wouldn't move so I could take a pulse."

Linda says:
My name's Linda. I'm dead. It sucks, OK? Especially because I'm dead for no good reason. I'm dead because my dumb#### boyfriend shot me and it hurt like hell and that's all I remember, to be honest. Until I woke up without a body. Now I know from books and movies that that's not the way it's supposed to happen. Well, in a way it is, right. But the ghost is always anchored by their bod, and they can't move too far away from it. Which implies that they know WHERE THE #### IT IS. Whereas, me? I don't know where my body is, and I'm not limited to any location. And for some reason, this is really important to me. I need to find my body. Maybe I need closure, or some ####. I don't know. I just need to. So I hired Trent. He'll find my body for me. I hope. If he doesn't, I'll fire his #### and haunt him in between haunting my ex-beloved and hiring someone with a clue.

Trent says:
Everybody's lying their #### off, and it's really starting to get annoying.

Published: Naomi Kramer on
ISBN: 9781452305981
Read on Scribd mobile: iPhone, iPad and Android.
Availability for DEAD(ish)
With a 30 day free trial you can read online for free

    Related Articles

    Literary Hub
    1 min read

    30 Books in 30 Days: Commonwealth

    In the 30 Books in 30 Days series leading up to the March 16 announcement of the 2016 National Book Critics Circle Award winners, NBCC board members review the 30 finalists. Today, NBCC board member Jane Ciabattari offers an appreciation of fiction finalist Ann Patchett’s Commonwealth (Harper). Ann Patchett’s beguiling new novel begins in a Southern California suburb where Fix and Beverly Keating are hosting a christening party for their second daughter Franny. A deputy district attorney named Bert Cousins crashes the party. He has business with the Fix, a Los Angeles police officer, and also
    TIME
    1 min read

    Crimes of the Heart

    S.B. Like many of his novels, Spanish author Javier Marías’ new book, Thus Bad Begins, isn’t exactly a mystery, though it is mysterious. Here, the 65-year-old perennial Nobel favorite tells the story of Juan de Vere, a young man working for a film director, Eduardo Muriel. The older man assigns his apprentice the task of finding out a secret about a longtime friend. Meanwhile, de Vere is intrigued by the cold relationship between Muriel and his depressed wife Beatriz—at some point in their past, she did something unforgivable, also a secret, and de Vere wants to find out what. Marías (The In
    Literary Hub
    1 min read

    Alexander McCall Smith: In Praise of W.H. Auden

    Alexander McCall Smith, best known for the No. 1 Ladies Detective Agency series, sees his latest book, My Italian Bulldozer, hit American shelves today. What was the first book you fell in love with? When I was a very young boy I had a book called Ginger’s Adventures. It was all about a dog that fled from a life of pampered luxury to go and live on a farm. I loved it when the dog made it to the country. I recently found a copy of this book and was delighted to discover that I remembered virtually every word of it. Name a classic you feel guilty about never having read? I must read Moby Dick.