When Someone Dies: The Practical Guide to the Logistics of Death
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About this ebook
Scott Taylor Smith, a venture capitalist and lawyer, had plentiful resources, and yet after his mother died, he made a series of agonizing and costly mistakes in squaring away her affairs. He could find countless books that dealt with caring for the dying and the emotional fallout of death, but very few that dealt with the logistics.
In the aftermath of his mother’s death, Smith decided to write the book he wished he’d had. When Someone Dies provides readers with a crucial framework for making good, informed, money-saving decisions in the chaotic thirty days after a loved one dies and beyond. It provides essential, concrete guidance on:
• Making funeral and memorial service arrangements
• Writing an obituary
• Estate planning
• Contacting family and friends
• Handling your loved one’s online footprint
• Navigating probate
• Dealing with finances, including trusts and taxation
• And much, much more
Featuring concise checklists in each chapter, this guide offers answers to practical questions, enabling loved ones to save time and money and focus on healing.
Scott Taylor Smith
Scott Smith is a partner in Viant Capital, a San Francisco-based boutique investment bank and tech business incubator committed to providing emerging growth and small to mid-market companies with high quality strategic advisory and capital-raising services. When Someone Dies is his first book.
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Reviews for When Someone Dies
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- Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5This is a subject that none of us want to read about. Death happens and it tears our world apart. The emotional pain clouds our minds and leaves us floundering for answers. What do we do? Who do we turn to ? How will we ever get through this ? All this unknown makes this transition more difficult. Everyone needs to know what to do but this is a subject we do not talk about. I have been through this, blindsided by death and all the complications that followed. I wish I had been educated in the inevitable process that we must all face. I was an ostrich.
This book walks you step by step through the details of what needs to be done. There is no floundering, there are checklists, step by step instructions. How to deal with government, banks, estate taxes, funeral expenses, taxes, social security, and even facebook accounts. The nuts and bolts of what to do so you and your family can morn and heal and not worry about the sharks waiting to take advantage of you at this terrible time. This should be on everyones shelf.
Book preview
When Someone Dies - Scott Taylor Smith
Contents
Acknowledgments
Quick Reference Guide
The Funeral
Obtaining Money for the Funeral
Paying the Person’s Bills
No Probate? Or Probate? And If So, Which Type?
Distributing the Estate’s Assets
Introduction
My Mother’s Death
Who Should Read This Book
Answers to Key Questions
How to Use This Book
Chapter 1
As Death Approaches
Who’s in Charge before the Death?
Does the Person Have an Advance Health Care Directive (Living Will)?
Does the Person Have a Durable Power of Attorney for Health Care?
If the Person Prepared an Advance Directive and a Durable Power of Attorney for Health Care, Find Those Documents
Attend to Your Own Well-Being
Attend to the Person’s Comfort
Start Contacting Family and Friends
Who’s in Charge after the Death?
Has the Person Specified an Executor?
The Executor Must Register with the Internal Revenue Service
Avoid Theft
Start Thinking about the Funeral
Shop for a Mortuary
Will an Autopsy Be Necessary?
Start Thinking about Body Preparation: Embalming? No Embalming? Or Green
?
Consider Thanking End-of-Life Caregivers
Chapter 2
Immediately after the Death
Contact Family and Friends
Identify Important Advisors—Lawyers, Accountants, and Financial Advisors
Welcome Small Gestures of Support and Comfort
Be Prepared for Insensitivity
Begin Certifying the Death
If the Person Is an Organ Donor or Arranged for Whole-Body Donation, Follow through with Those Arrangements
Ask about an Autopsy
Murder, Accidents, and Suicide
If the Remains Must Be Shipped Elsewhere, Arrange for Shipping
Arrange Care for the Person’s Children, Pets, and Yard
File a Change-of-Address Form with the Post Office
Obtain Two to Three Dozen Original Copies of the Death Certificate
Pay the Mortuary
Burial or Cremation?
For Burials, Purchase a Grave Site
To Avoid Theft during the Funeral, Arrange for Someone to House-Sit the Person’s Home
Chapter 3
The Days after the Death: Nonfinancial Issues
What Kind of Funeral Did the Person Want?
Decide Religious Issues
For Religious Funerals, Arrange the Appropriate Officiant
Arrange Postfuneral Activities
Write Several Obituaries
Close the Person’s Facebook Page
Consider Inviting Family and Close Friends to Take Keepsakes
After the Funeral, Expect a Wave of Intense Grief
If You Want a Memorial, Organize It
Consider Grief Counseling
Chapter 4
The Days and Weeks after the Death: Financial Issues
Hire an Accountant
Pay Funeral Expenses
If the Person Was Employed, Collect Final Wages and Other Payments
If the Person Received Social Security Checks, Stop Them
Collect the Social Security Death Benefit
Investigate Social Security Survivor Benefits
Notify Life Insurers, the Military, and Other Institutions That Pay Death Benefits
Investigate Pension Benefits
Investigate Veterans Administration and Other Federal Government Benefits
Apply for an Employer Identification Number
Notify the Internal Revenue Service That You’re the Executor
Cancel the Person’s Insurance Policies
Open a Checking Account for the Estate
Find the Most Recent Will
Find the Person’s Assets
A Quick Introduction to Probate
Find the Person’s Debts
Determine the Estate’s Value and Net Worth
Wrongful Death Lawsuit?
Contested Will?
Dividing the Property
Understand the Three Types of Assets
Understand the Different Types of Ownership
Avoid Probate If Possible
Distribute Assets Exempt from Probate as Specified in the Will
If Possible, Claim Assets Using Simple Probate Affidavits
If Regular Probate Is Necessary, Consult an Attorney
Transfer Title to Property, Vehicles, Retirement Plans, and Securities
Chapter 5
The Year after the Death
Take Your Executor’s Fee
Prepare to Pay Any Taxes Owed
Trusts and Taxation
When Are Taxes Due?
Where Does the Tax Money Come From?
Surviving Spouses: Special Rules
It’s Best to Work with a Tax Expert
If You Want a Grave Marker, Purchase and Place It
Officially Terminate Your Role as Executor
Chapter 6
You’re Done; Now Make Things Easy for Your Survivors
Name an Executor
Label Your Documents My Estate Plan
Rent a Safe-Deposit Box
If You Have Children under Eighteen, Arrange for Their Guardianship
If You Have Pets, Arrange for Their Guardianship
Decide about Organ Donation
Write an Advance Directive for Medical Care (Living Will)
Write a Durable Power of Attorney for Health Care
Write Your Will
Consider Legacy Gifts
Ideally, Reveal the Terms of Your Will to Your Family and Close Friends
Add Your Executor as a Cosigner on All Your Bank and Investment Accounts
Provide Your Executor with Easy Access to around $10,000 for Funeral-Related Expenses
Consider Joining a Burial Society
If You Have Requests for Your Funeral, State Them
If You Want to Be Buried, Buy a Grave Site
If You Want a Grave Marker or Plaque, Tell Your Executor and Family
Place as Many of Your Assets as Possible into a Living Trust
Organize All Documents Relating to Your Assets and Debts
Update Your Estate Plan and Asset and Debt Files Regularly
If a Professional Prepares Your Income Taxes, Provide Your Executor’s Contact Information
Consider Giving Gifts to Your Heirs and Beneficiaries While You’re Still Alive
Further Resources
Appendix:
Sample Legal Forms and a Model Obituary
Advance Health Care Directive
Uniform Statutory Form Power of Attorney
California Statutory Will
Letter to Social Security Certifying Death
Model Obituary
Affidavit of Surviving Spouse for Change of Title to Real Estate
Affidavit to Transfer Stock Certificates
Affidavit for Payment of Life Insurance Proceeds
Instructions for Writing a Holographic Will
About Scott Taylor Smith and Michael Castleman
Bibliography
Index
SCOTT SMITH:
This book is dedicated to you and to the person you love whom you’ve just lost. Whether you are Christian, Jewish, or Muslim, with your eye focused on heaven; or you are Buddhist, focused on the eternal return of the soul, know one thing for certain. For us, the living, if we continue to hold those we love tenderly in our hearts and minds, and if we daily take the time to lift up those still with us by giving them praise and love, then those we have loved and lost will be kept alive in spirit, and tomorrow will be the first and most wonderful day of the rest of our lives.
This book,
like all my life, is also given forever to M.
MICHAEL CASTLEMAN:
To my children,
hoping that someday this book makes their lives easier.
Legal Disclaimer
Laws dealing with death and inheritance are complex and vary considerably by state and nation. While we have done everything possible to be accurate, including consulting with top estate attorneys, this book is no substitute for professional legal advice. For the laws in your particular location, we urge you to consult an attorney.
Acknowledgments
The authors are deeply indebted to James Mitchell, a partner in the San Francisco law firm Coblentz, Patch, Duffy & Bass, who graciously provided insights from the perspective of an estates and trust lawyer. The laws regarding settlement of estates are complex and they vary greatly from state to state. The authors have done their best to provide an accurate, albeit simple, summary of core principles and rules, but it is essential that you contact a qualified estates and trust lawyer when making any decision about an estate. This book is not and should not be regarded as legal advice by Mr. Mitchell or the authors.
In addition, deepest thanks to our agent, Amy Rennert of the Amy Rennert Agency, Tiburon, California, and to the agency’s Robyn Russell and Louise Kollenbaum. Thanks also to our editor at Scribner, Shannon Welch. Finally, thank you to our publicist, Sophie Vershbow.
Scott Smith thanks Marcelo and his family and friends.
Michael Castleman thanks his wife, Anne Simons; his children, Maya, Jeff, and Kristen; and his estate attorney, David Miller.
Quick Reference Guide
Some death-related tasks are time-sensitive. For example, advance directives are very important as death approaches, but once the person has died, they no longer matter. Other tasks—for example, the funeral—have longer trajectories. They involve tasks that may begin before the death and extend months or even years after it. The Quick Reference Guide directs you to all the information about key subjects throughout the book so that you can make good decisions in an efficient and timely fashion.
The Funeral
In Chapter 1:
Start Thinking about the Funeral (26).
Shop for a Mortuary (27).
Start Thinking about Body Preparation (31).
In Chapter 2:
If the Remains Must Be Shipped Elsewhere, Arrange for Shipping (43).
Obtain Two to Three Dozen Original Copies of the Death Certificate (45).
Pay the Mortuary (46).
Burial or Cremation? (47).
To Avoid Theft during the Funeral, Arrange for Someone to House-Sit the Person’s Home (50).
In Chapter 3:
What Kind of Funeral Did the Person Want? (52).
Decide Religious Issues (53).
For Religious Funerals, Arrange the Appropriate Officiant (54).
Arrange Postfuneral Activities (55).
After the Funeral, Expect a Wave of Intense Grief (58).
If You Want a Memorial, Organize It (59).
In Chapter 5:
If You Want a Grave Marker, Purchase and Place It (126).
Obtaining Money for the Funeral
In Chapter 2:
Pay the Mortuary (46).
In Chapter 4:
Pay Funeral Expenses (64).
If the Person Was Employed, Collect Final Wages and Other Payments (68).
Collect the Social Security Death Benefit (69).
Investigate Social Security Survivor Benefits (70).
Investigate Veterans Administration and Other Federal Government Benefits (72).
Find the Person’s Assets (78).
Paying the Person’s Bills
In Chapter 2:
Pay the Mortuary (46).
In Chapter 4:
Pay Funeral Expenses (64).
If the Person Was Employed, Collect Final Wages and Other Payments (68).
Collect the Social Security Death Benefit (69).
Investigate Social Security Survivor Benefits (70).
Investigate Veterans Administration and Other Federal Government Benefits (72).
Find the Person’s Assets (78).
Find the Person’s Debts (82).
Determine the Estate’s Value and Net Worth (88).
In Chapter 5:
Take Your Executor’s Fee (118).
Prepare to Pay Any Taxes Owed (119).
Trusts and Taxation (121).
No Probate? Or Probate? And If So, Which Type?
In Chapter 4:
A Quick Introduction to Probate (80).
Avoid Probate If Possible (102).
Distribute Assets Exempt from Probate as Specified in the Will (105).
If Possible, Claim Assets Using Simple Probate Affidavits (108).
If Regular Probate Is Necessary, Consult an Attorney (110).
Distributing the Estate’s Assets
In Chapter 3:
Consider Inviting Family and Close Friends to Take Keepsakes (57).
In Chapter 4:
Open a Checking Account for the Estate (74).
Find the Most Recent Will (76).
Find the Person’s Assets (78).
Find the Person’s Debts (82).
Determine the Estate’s Value and Net Worth (88).
Understand the Three Types of Assets (92).
Understand the Different Types of Ownership (99).
Distribute Assets Exempt from Probate as Specified in the Will (105).
If Possible, Claim Assets Using Simple Probate Affidavits (108).
If Regular Probate Is Necessary, Consult an Attorney (110).
Transfer Title to Property, Vehicles, Retirement Plans, and Securities (110).
Introduction
If you’re reading this book, someone you love has just died. We feel your pain. As you’ll read, I recently lost a loved one, and I’ve endured the grief that now consumes you. My heart breaks for you.
Grieving is a uniquely individual process. Don’t let anyone tell you what’s supposedly normal
or the best
way to grieve.
Most people find that grief is like swimming in the ocean. It comes in waves. One minute you feel fine, then the next you dissolve in tears. Ride the waves and try not to resist them. If you resist, just as if you swim against the current in the ocean, you might drown.
We urge you to explore all the emotions your grief raises—including relief, if that applies. We urge you to obtain all the emotional support you need—from friends, family, clergy, and perhaps a grief counselor and/or support group. We also urge you to read some of the many books on grieving. Our favorite is quite brief (only ninety pages) but remarkably profound—A Grief Observed by C. S. Lewis.
But this is not a book about grief or grieving. Instead, this is a succinct, step-by-step guide to all the practical things you must do after someone dies to settle the person’s affairs as quickly and cost-effectively as possible. If you follow our advice, your life will be easier, the costs associated with the death will be much lower, and you’ll find that you and other grieving family members and friends will get along much better.
Of course, no one enjoys dealing with bureaucracies—funeral homes, banks, the Internal Revenue Service (IRS), Social Security, and so on. And it’s particularly alienating to have to do it now. But some decisions can’t wait, and if you’re the one dealing with the practicalities—the executor of the decedent’s estate—this book should lighten your burden.
How long does it take to deal with the practical details of death? Expect to spend a considerable amount of time and energy during the first thirty days and more over the next six months to a year. The process is challenging and potentially infuriating, but it’s important—and absolutely necessary. If you’re organized, if you follow the path we provide, it shouldn’t drive you crazy. It’s also part of the grieving process, an integral part of saying goodbye, tying up loose ends, and making peace with your loss.
I stumbled on the need for this book when my mother died in 2009. I’m an attorney. I’d dealt professionally with wills, trusts, and estates, and I knew my mother’s affairs were in reasonably good order. I thought—naïvely, it turned out—that dealing with the practical issues surrounding her death would take only a few days. I was so wrong. It took two years, and I made several costly mistakes because I didn’t have a guide like this one. I thought no one