Your Pet’s Peeves: What Your Pet’s Issues Say About You

Your Pet’s Peeves

What Your Pet’s Issues Say About You

By

Anastasia V. Nikolskaya

Your Pet’s Peeves: What Your Pet’s Issues Say About You

Copyright Anastasia Nikolskaya 2014

Published by Allwrite Publishing at Smashwords

All rights reserved.

All rights reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording or by any information storage and retrieval system, without written permission from the author, except for the inclusion of brief quotations in a review.

Address inquiries to the publisher:

Allwrite Publishing

P.O. Box 1071

Atlanta, Georgia 30301 USA

www.allwritepublishing.com

ISBN (ebook): 978-1-941716-00-7

ISBN (print): 978-1-941716-01-4

First Printing: June 2014

Dedication

To all the animals who loved me and whom I loved.

Contents

Introduction

Part I: What is a Pet Psychologist?

Chapter 1: How I Got Started

Chapter 2: The Process

Initial Consultation

Observing a Dog

Observing a Cat

Observing a Pet Owner

Conclusion

Part II: Buying a Pet for the Wrong Reasons

Chapter 3: Fear of Death

She Must Be Sick

Forgive Me, Please!

Can I Leave My Children?

She is Just a Baby!

Chapter 4: Fear of Freedom

My Family Doesn’t Like My Dog

We Depend on Him

I Want Two Strong Men

We Need a Defender

A Reason to Come Home

I Need Obedience

Chapter 5: Fear of a Meaningless Life

Children Are Terrible

I Like Spiritual Men

We Are the Best!

I Need to Heal Them

Chapter 6: Fear of Loneliness

He Does Not Protect Me

What Would My Mom Think?

I Am My Dog’s Maid

He Is Not a Fighter

Only the Best for My Dog

Part III: Living With a Pet

Chapter 7: Pet Owner Problems

A Horrible Child

She’s Afraid of the Dark

I’m Still Needed

Chapter 8: The Ideal Companion

I Can’t Trust Anyone

He’s a Lazy Dog

My Angry Mother

Our Child is the Master

Chapter 9: The Animal Tries to Occupy a Dominant Position

Who’s the Boss?

Chapter 10: The Animal Does Not Fit into the Family

Our Poor Defender

Chapter 11: When the Animal is the Problem

A Sick Mind

He Can’t Hurt a Fly

She’s an Anxious Dog

Chapter 12: When Both Are Guilty

I Need a Real Friend

I Help Cats in Need

Play First, Work Later

Who Will Love Me as Much as He Does?

Chapter 13: When the Family Is Happy

Let Her Rest in Her Old Age

He Raised My Baby

We Are Together

Chapter 14: Puppy Stories

Purple and His Sister Maggie

Felix and His Sister Thecla

Chapter 15: Oddities, Incidents, and Failures

The Husband Sleeps in the Hallway

I Bent Over and Then…

It’s a Boy!

I Only Walk Him in the Yard

My Dog is Depressed

He is the Family Tyrant

He Has Mommy Issues

If I Don’t Get a Dog, I’ll Jump!

She Won’t Stop Fainting

My Cat Hates My Ringtone

Chapter 16: Compliance is the Key

References

Introduction

Someone in my profession does not expect fame and celebrity, so imagine my surprise when I answered the phone and heard this: Hello, we’re calling from Channel One on Russian television. Did you know that a dog recently attacked and killed a child?

I’m familiar with the story, I responded.

We want to ask you to comment on the case. Can you?

Yes, I can.

We arranged the meeting. As soon as the cameras were on, they started in with: To comment on this terrible tragedy, we have canine specialist Anastasia Nikolskaya. Please Anastasia...

I interrupted, You know, I’m not a canine specialist. I’m a psychotherapist for families with pets. The pets are also members of the family, and they affect familial relationships…

Well, what’s the difference? the interviewer asked.

Sometime later, I received another call. Hello. We are calling from Mayak Radio. You have such an interesting profession. We want to invite you to discuss what you do for a living. The lead host is Alla Dovlatova. Would you be interested?

Yes, I said, though, maybe too quickly.

Again, we arranged the meeting, and I left immediately for the station. There was a traffic jam so I arrived 20 minutes late, flustered and stressed. There was no time for instructions. Instead, they rushed me into the studio, put headphones on my ears, and within seconds, I heard a voice: You’re on the air.

I was live for the first time, a bundle of nerves and excitement. Suddenly, I heard the voice of the host announce, Our guest is canine specialist Anastasia Nikolskaya. Please ask your questions.

I tried to explain that I was not a canine specialist, but there was no time for that. Instead, I listened to the questions and simply began to respond.

Hello, we took your phone call at Channel One, a new voice said over the phone. We want to invite you to participate in the program called, ‘Treasure of the Nation.’

What’s that show about? I asked.

There are various interesting careers that children seem to want to know more about. Our surveys show that children are interested in cynology, the study of dogs.

I’m not a canine specialist, I corrected, wise to the mistake, but I can give you the phone number for a good canine specialist.

Oh, sorry, the caller said, deflated.

In truth, I understand the confusion from all of the television and radio presenters who had invited me on their shows. The internet is full of advertisements offering pet services, such as dog trainers, breeders, and animal psychologists. There are about as many animal psychologists nowadays as there are psychics; however, there are significantly fewer good animal psychologists today than there are good psychics. Vets, ethologists, canine specialists, feline specialists, and even dog and cat breeders call themselves animal psychologists. They flaunt their years of experience with animals, even though they never had the proper training. It is hard for an ordinary pet owner (and the occasional news reporter) to sort it out. As for me, the main confusion seems to surround the phrase: psychotherapy for families with pets. This is my profession and my passion, and I’ve made it a goal to provide pet owners with the proper distinctions.

I’ll start with the main principle: What is the difference between animal psychologists and other professionals who work with animals? To understand the difference between animal psychology and other specialties related to animals, it is necessary to first define cynology, felinology, and ethology.

Cynology is the study of dogs. Felinology is the study of cats. Finally, ethology (from the Greek ethos,which originally meant nest but now translates to habit, custom, or lifestyle) is the study of the biological basis of animal behavior. In ethology, attention is paid primarily to typical, or genetically fixed, forms of behavior common to all members of this species (i.e. canine, feline, primates, etc.).

Certainly, ethology and animal psychology are closely related, but they have some differences. Animal psychology is the branch of psychology that studies manifestation, patterns, and development of the psyche of animals (their perception, memory, skills, intelligence, etc.). Animal psychology looks for similarities and differences between the psyche of animals and the human psyche. That is, despite the similarities between ethology and animal psychology, the former studies the behavior, while the latter studies the psyche. Animal psychologists should know the basics of ethology since it is necessary for their work. If they do not know if an animal’s behavior is typical of its species, then they cannot study its psyche. However, unlike ethologists, animal psychologists pay much more attention to the individual differences between animals of the same species. For example, all crows caw, but what if one crow caws often and another rarely does? Why is there such a difference in behavior amongst individuals of one species, and even within one litter? These are the types of questions an animal psychologist would be able to answer.

Another important aspect of animal psychology involves the psychology of pets. What is the difference between the psyche of a domestic animal and a wild animal? What changes occurred to the psyche of the animal after domestication? For domestic pets, humans satisfy most of their biological needs. That is, humans have changed the animal’s habitat, causing changes to the animal’s psyche. For example, a domestic dog that lives in the city will not try to catch a rat that runs by it. Even if the dog is hungry, it will not eat the rat. The modern dog prefers the contents of the fridge to a rat, and typically a dog will look at the fridge first when it is hungry.

In short, animal psychology studies the changes, such as the modern dog, and peculiarities in the psyche of animals, the nature of these changes, and the nature of individual differences between animals of one species. So what do I do? I attempt to build relationships between pet owners and their pets so that both interact with each other with joy and trust, and they can rely on each other for their time together. Since the type of counseling described in this book is still a quite new and unfamiliar to some degree, I hope that we will be more successful in time in contending with the difficult challenges set forth by pet owners. I must say that the interest in this field by both veterinarians and psychologists is increasing.

The book includes interesting actual cases and interviews that readers can directly relate to in some form. Readers should be able to adopt new, more successful behaviors while eliminating others. The outcome should be threefold:

1. Improved pet behavior

2. Greater understanding of the pet’s needs

3. Awareness of the pet owner’s psychological state and its impact on pet behavior

Part I:

What is a Pet Psychologist?

Chapter 1

How I Got Started

I entered the psychology program at Moscow State University because I love dogs. It may sound strange, but that was my rationale at the time. From the earliest age I can recall, I begged my parents to buy me a dog. When I was 6 years old, I finally got my first dog, a royal poodle named Pluto. He was already an adult dog by time he got to me, but I didn’t care; I was delighted. Pluto tore into things and would knock me down in the snow (and I, unlike my parents, loved this game). He would sometimes grab a bone and climb onto the couch to chew it, and would playfully nip my baby sister if she tried to approach him. After eating, Pluto would generously allow my sister to eat what was left in his bowl. My sister, who had to be force-fed cereal, vegetables, meat, and fruit puree, was more than happy to eat dog food. A month later, Pluto’s former owners called to say that they missed their dog and asked if they could take him back. My mother informed my father, and that evening my father took Pluto back to his former owners.

I was distraught. I was angry with the former owners. They couldn’t take back their gift! Likewise, I was angry with my parents. Why did they give back my dog? I was even angry with Pluto, because my father told me that Pluto was very glad when he was returned.

Throughout the next year, I repeatedly asked for a dog. My parents, remembering Pluto as a nightmare, did not hurry to fulfill my request. I was lucky enough to have an understanding uncle who finally gave me his adult Doberman, Jesse. I was proud to walk Jesse and show her to my classmates. Jesse did not obey me, regardless of my wishes; she would go home when she wanted to go home and play when she wanted to play. All of my attempts to play with her ended the same way; she would knock me down and then trot off to do her own thing. Whenever she was left alone at home, she would destroy the apartment. We would come home to torn clothes, torn cushions, scratched doors, moved tablecloth, broken tableware, and—the obligatory finale of Jesse’s program—a warm pile on one of the beds.

My mother called her brother and demanded that he take the dog back. Each telephone conversation resulted in raised voices, and I was terrified that Jesse would be taken away from me just like Pluto had been. Then it happened. Jesse was gone, and it was the first real grief I experienced in my life.

Apparently, my parents realized this, because shortly after Jesse’s disappearance, my mother brought home a 1-month-old puppy of mixed breed. The puppy’s mother was a wolf that had been brought back from an expedition as a puppy. The wolf had grown up in a human family and behaved like a normal dog except that she loved to wander. After one of her absences, she returned to the family and gave a birth to a litter of four puppies, one of which became a member of our family.

We named the puppy Zhenka, and she was the last dog of my childhood. She lived a long life and died when my oldest daughter was 1 years old. All three of these dogs were completely different, and as I grew up, I began to wonder why their characters were so vastly different. At first, I decided to be a specialist in cynology, but then I learned about the science of animal psychology and signed up to study it at Moscow State University in the department of psychology.

Prior to college, I studied in a mathematics-oriented secondary school. Mathematics was easy for me; however, the school did not have a biology teacher, so our home economics teacher taught us science. As a result, we didn’t learn much science. When I was in the 10th grade, my parents tried to persuade me to give up the idea of studying psychology at MSU because I could not pass the biology exam. They wanted me to go to a technical college instead. Their arguments were compelling enough to get me to enter into the Moscow Institute of Electronics Engineering. I made good grades and graduated, but I still dreamt about animal psychology. So I went back to MSU for a second college degree. However, I found out that there was no way to specialize in animal psychology there, since animal psychology itself was just a part of general psychology.

Ultimately, I signed up for the clinical psychology classes and studied variations in the diagnosis of intellectual and personal development, maladaptive behaviors, psychotherapy, and social rehabilitation of people with psychopathic and/or psychosomatic disorders. This choice was not accidental. Animal psychology explores the genetic roots of the human psyche and compares the similarities between humans and animals in mentality and behavior. I also knew that an animal’s behavior had its own anomalies, which would be easier to explore if I knew medical psychology. I saw later that I was not mistaken.

By this time, the media was full of stories of various dog-related tragedies. The media sensationalized these stories and offered biased conclusions. They either suggested to euthanize dangerous dogs (without specifying exactly what made a dog dangerous) or blamed the owners (without specifying what the owners did wrong).

In addition to stories of motiveless aggression, owners complained that their pets were afraid, unhygienic, and hyperactive. They also claimed that their pets exhibited compulsive behaviors, abnormal sexual or feeding behaviors, uncontrollable outbursts during walks, and many other abnormalities. These deviations were described in scientific magazines, in which veterinarians and ethologists studied these problems. As I studied these issues, I thought that I could try to classify these various forms of abnormal animal behavior similar to the classifications in clinical psychiatry. This, I surmised, would simplify the diagnosis procedure so the psychologist and the owner could get to the root of the issues. After all, once identified, the cause of the abnormal behavior can be treated.

I have worked in a well-known Moscow veterinary clinic. I mostly deal with dogs and cats, treating dogs a little more often than cats. Although, statistically, the number of dog and cat owners who live in Moscow is equal, about 60% of my patients are dogs. It is rare for me to treat other animals, but it does happen. For example, I have treated an Amazon parrot, a chimpanzee, and even a hyena. Now, after almost a decade of consulting with pet owners and their pets, I want to share my interactions with pet owners and the results of my studies.

Chapter 2

The Process

Pet owners’ primary complaints are that their pets have problems with fears, debilitating loneliness, aggression, and hygiene. Often, the manner in which the owner talks about the issues can reveal a lot about the personal problems between the owner and the animal. For example, a complaint about the dog’s uncontrollable behavior during walks can sound like this: He doesn’t come to me when I call him, and he constantly rummages in the garbage bins. Or it can sound like this: This is humiliating! He runs away, and by time I catch him, I‘m late for work. I have enough problems with my boss and my husband, and now I can’t even trust the dog.

Complaints about an animal’s aggressive behavior on the street can sound like this: He constantly tries to fight other dogs, so I let him; after all, we are a team! People who complain about a lack of love or affection from their pets can sometimes say things like this: He listens to the trainer, but not to me. He doesn’t respect me! Or, She happily greets guests, but when I come home, she’ll wag her tail once and that’s it. She doesn’t love me. Or even, "I do everything for her. I react to every meow, but she will only snuggle on her own terms. It is very offensive." The complaints go on and on.

When I work with such cases, I find myself acting less as an animal psychologist and more as a human psychologist. More precisely, I act as a specialist in the interactions between species, with the mission to build proper relationships between people and their pets. When people buy an animal, they rarely pay attention to the behavioral characteristics of the breed; instead, they interpret these traits as the animal’s individual pathology. A pet owner’s expectations of the animal often contradict normal behaviors for the breed (and even typical behaviors for this species). Not all potential pet owners clearly understand that there are right and wrong reasons for getting a pet. Some people are guided by entirely unrealistic motives and, as a result, the owners and their pets (what I call a family, where cats, dogs, and humans live in interspecies groups) have many problems due to mutual misunderstandings.

Sometimes, though rarely, the problems are within the pet itself, in his or her mental or physical pathology. In my opinion, all higher vertebrates (mammals) can have mental disorders similar to the mental disorders found in humans. Occasionally, an animal can have a physical illness, such as a brain tumor, which can also affect the animal’s behavior.

When I take on a case, my first task is to find the origin of the issue – whether the trouble is with the human or the animal – and then to try to adjust the interspecies relationship to make it joyful for both sides. I will discuss more about this process.

Initial Consultation

The first thing I try to do when I sit down with a client is assess the mental state and adaptive behavior patterns