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    I'm Free, I'm Free, I'm Free: Now What?: A Semiserious Guide to Early Housekeeping, or Things You Wouldn't Let Your Family Tell You
    I'm Free, I'm Free, I'm Free: Now What?: A Semiserious Guide to Early Housekeeping, or Things You Wouldn't Let Your Family Tell You
    I'm Free, I'm Free, I'm Free: Now What?: A Semiserious Guide to Early Housekeeping, or Things You Wouldn't Let Your Family Tell You
    Ebook169 pages1 hour

    I'm Free, I'm Free, I'm Free: Now What?: A Semiserious Guide to Early Housekeeping, or Things You Wouldn't Let Your Family Tell You

    By Janet McCart

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    About this ebook

    If you've just graduated, or if you haven't--if you're going to advanced school, or if you aren't--if you're setting things in motion to strike out on your own--or if you blew the first or second go at liberty and having your own living space--you're in the right place. If you are serious about rules and guidelines and closets and all the details, go see Martha. If you'd prefer some easy-going, mildly cynical guidance, I'm Free, I'm Free, I'm Free: Now What? is for you.

    Align the Law of ‘what goes up must come down' with the Golden Rule. Now add beds, moving, bills, friends, food poisoning, cleaning, toilets, money, rentals, baseline manners, and roommates, and you have a pretty good idea where we're going here. The bottom line of I'm Free, I'm Free, I'm Free: Now What? is to help you become sort-of informed so that you decide, and whatever happens, it's your fault.
    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherPublication Consultants
    Release dateSep 15, 2014
    ISBN9781594334825
    I'm Free, I'm Free, I'm Free: Now What?: A Semiserious Guide to Early Housekeeping, or Things You Wouldn't Let Your Family Tell You
    Author

    Janet McCart

    That's Life – Janet's Bio (Hey, this time it is all about me! You might want to write one of these for yourself.) I've been up, down, over and out, and all over the place—I've been lifted up, fallen down, flat on my face. I lay there for a while, wipe the mud out of my eyes, then pick myself up and get back in the race. (What's the alternative?) I've thought of quitting, there isn't any denying, but my heart is stubborn and it will not buy it.

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      Book preview

      I'm Free, I'm Free, I'm Free - Janet McCart

      Education

      You Are Adrift

      First question

      How does a quarter-cup of sticky, colored liquid, (perhaps wine), splash out, and explore six feet in every direction? How can it stain and stick to things that aren’t even in the room?

      This system of things called life has upset your balance, maybe even caused you to question your sanity. Think about it. (But, don’t get stuck in mind-mud. You know what I mean.)

      Housekeeping Gets A Bad Rap

      Housekeeping is mysterious. Yes. Really. It is an area that will test your belief about reality, about what can or can’t happen, here on planet earth. For example: Peanut butter toast will always fall jelly-side down. Your ‘confidence’ shirt will always have a spot when you need it. See, mysterious.

      We are here today, to break-up the mental barriers that cause you to think you are allergic to cleaning. No such allergy exists. Sorry.

      No younger person wants to talk about housekeeping, laundry, or living on the clean side. It is the opposite of sexy and dating. It’s a chore. It won’t go away.

      The truth about cleanness and sexiness and dating

      The first clue: Vehicle¹. Does the possible attraction’s car look like it could belong to the homeless? A car full of newspapers, clothes, shoes, rotten smells, greasy tools, car parts, and bags or clothes is your first warning sign of what is to come. This person doesn’t do clean. If you don’t either, it’s a match made for a little while.

      A guy or a gal who is semi-serious about a person should hear alarm bells if he/she walks into one’s place which is so cluttered that there is nowhere to sit. Kitchen counters overrun with crumbs and bike tires, a roach rambling about, and laundry on the dining table—these things don’t say welcome.

      I repeat: if the other person prefers the opposite of your preference, if they are clean to your messy, no matter how hot—hot can go cold—walk away. Nothing good can come of this. See Law of You Can’t Change People on page 40. Nearly every woman believes it is possible to change someone. I could write a book. I did. We’ll talk more about this later.

      I don’t want to cause you existential angst at such a sensitive time in your life. But it is so: everything on the planet bows to the physical laws of the universe. The universe! Physics! How could your little divot of life be so compromised by earthly physical laws? It bends the mind.

      You may say, I don’t know anything about physics and I don’t want to. However, you already have a pretty good handle on it. You just didn’t know what to call it. Think of these common examples which you have probably tested out:

      ✓You put your bowl of Jello/yogurt/ice cream/soup on the edge of your kitchen counter, you turn around and hear it hit and explode on the floor. (And you’ll do that again just to test whether the gravity switch is always on.)

      ✓Irritable about being forced to do such lowly labor as raking, you go and stomp on the prongs of the rake in order to reach the handle because you don’t want to bend over, and handle pops up and hits you between the eyes. (This is embarrassing, weird, and you never do that again.)

      ✓You put your drink on the dash of your car for just a second. You touch the brake, and put into motion a vehicle baptizing with sticky fluid. It can even end up in your hair. From now on you use the cup holder. (Or, not. Some people are slower than others.)

      ✓The classic, you have your cup of coffee (or whatever) and go the sit at the table. You reach for the newspaper and bump your coffee. You look at the cup—only about a quarter of it splashed out. Yet, that quarter splashes on your sleeve, the place mat, the table, your lap, the chair seat, and to the floor with plenty to spare. It’s impossible! How could a quarter cup go so far?

      We are venturing into the realm of ‘you won’t believe it’ and ‘you can’t win.’ The laws don’t care. However, you will feel the need to test each one, more than once. Oh, well.

      The Law of Gravity dictates

      In your own place you pick-up after yourself, or live like a hoarder, or have a great roommate, or hire someone to do it for you. (Problems, See Joys of Roommates on page 39.)

      What we know is there are no exceptions to the Physical rules of the Universe. I repeat, no exceptions, not even for you. Picture a heavily armored tank. Now picture baby-bumper cars. Who’s gonna move who?

      Reader danger, fair warning:

      A note for sticklers and Critic’s Club devotees: you won’t like this book, and you don’t need this book. But, you might want to read about those wild and crazy folk who walk on the other side. Let me be clear. I’m not seeking critical feedback. This book is not perfect, but it’s my book. You have the freedom to write your own. A seven year old will be handling my messages..

      Law of Ideas

      No good idea ever gets properly implemented.

      J. MCCART

      Example:

      Murphy’s Law as applied to housekeeping is painfully perfect.

      What can go wrong will go wrong—at the worst time.

      Without fail.

      Observe advice from wise King Solomon

      When anyone is replying to a matter before he/she hears it, that is foolishness on his/her part.

      PROV. 18:13

      Life will be gentler if you make your peace with these laws. Why? That’s the way God made it. And, if you don’t believe in a creator, you will soon believe in Murphy and his laws.

      What You Can and Can’t Expect

      In the following text you will be made aware of many of Murphy’s Laws, and Life Laws and Rules. Some of these rules are not written down. They are the worst. And that’s where we’re going.

      Onward, adventurous people, to progress in our business.

      Monologue: a long speech monopolizing conversation—or—you can talk but I can’t hear you.

      Think: a different way of seeing and incorporating things you didn’t see before.

      This book is not normal. It’s more of a friendly monologue that introduces you to household and life experiences that will come your way. We’ll try to cover questions you hadn’t yet thought to ask. This book is for those who have been reluctant to implement the idea of bending down and picking it up. And, for those who have put off using their manners, and it’s starting to be a problem.

      1.Please do not use those tree fresheners that hang from your mirror. They can kick off an asthma or allergy attack so fast you’ll be madly scrubbing away at your upholstery trying to remove another least-liked icky substance.

      Physical Laws, Life Truths, and Living On Your Own

      This is life and death and the popcorn in between.

      Household (your household): Focus of one’s domestic attention—social unit setting, abode, domicile, congenial environment, apartment, condo, house, room, nest.

      The Universe sets the only laws that are not breakable. They do appear to bend sometimes. But that’s just smoke and mirrors. These laws don’t accept excuses, and they don’t break.

      Still, you are part of the universe! We will look at these laws as they apply to you, your life, and your household!

      This book offers suggestions on how you may survive and take care of yourself, and your home space on the first try, or the second. We’re only shooting for try here. Go see Martha if you want perfect.

      Relax. There is absolutely no chance that you will not screw up something. So, you may as well have a sense of humor. Kick back and take in the best kind of wisdom, that hard-won wisdom that comes from the painful experiences of others.

      It’s time to organize and clean, and to clean and organize. For the rest of your life. Dust never stops dusting. Sticky things never stop sticking. Clothes never pick themselves up. The refrigerator never cleans itself. Neither does the toilet.—I know, bad news. But we’ll assume that the Martha followers have drifted away. So you might want to follow the motto:

      You can’t do it all wrong, and you can’t do it all right, so just do it.

      Sir Isaac Newton’s Law of Gravity says: what goes up must come down. That’s the iceberg tip of physics. We combine that law with a preference for a cleanish home, and that means picking up after yourself, or hiring someone else to do so. (If you can afford it, it’s a fine way to go.)

      It’s the little things that break you down.

      Life is easier if you take your shoes/boots off at the door, put your trash in the trash, put cold groceries in the refrigerator, have a place to put your bag, and hang up your clothes.—But it seems so much more appealing to do it later. Except that later, as you sit in a pile of shoes, coats, bags, and potato chips, it’s not so appealing.

      So this

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