The Ultimate Dream Family

Copyright © 2014 Richmond Donkor

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, scanning, or otherwise, without the prior written permission of the publisher.

Scripture references are taken from the following versions of the Bible (accessed from BibleGateway.com):

Scripture quotations marked (CEB) are taken from the Common English Bible®, CEB® Copyright © 2010, 2011 by Common English Bible.™ Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide. The CEB and Common English Bible trademarks are registered in the United States Patent and Trademark Office by Common English Bible. Use of either trademark requires the permission of Common English Bible.

Scripture quotations marked (CEV) are taken from the Contemporary English Version, Copyright © 1991, 1992, 1995 by the American Bible Society. Used by permission.

Scripture quotations marked (ESV) are taken from The Holy Bible, English Standard Version (ESV), copyright © 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

Scripture quotations marked (GW) are taken from the GOD’S WORD Translation, copyright © 1995 by God’s Word to the Nations. Used by permission of Baker Publishing Group.

Scripture quotations marked (KJV) are taken from the King James Bible.

Scripture quotations marked (NASB) are taken from the New American Standard Bible®, Copyright © 1960, 1962, 1963, 1968, 1971, 1972, 1973, 1975, 1977, 1995 by The Lockman Foundation. Used by permission. (www.Lockman.org)

Scripture quotations marked (NIV) are taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version. Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984 by the International Bible Society. Used by permission of the International Bible Society.

Scripture quotations marked (NKJV) are taken from the New King James Version®. Copyright © 1982 by Thomas Nelson, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

Unless otherwise noted, all emphasis in Scripture quotations is added.

Acknowledgements

I would like to thank God for His grace, which has sustained me in my writing.

Secondly, I thank my dear Mrs. Lakana Donkor for her support. I thank God that you came into my life.

Thirdly, I thank all of you who have been praying and encouraging me.

Lastly, I thank the editors and the cover designers.

May God richly bless you!

Table of Contents

Introduction 

Chapter 1: The Head of the Family 

Chapter 2: The Provider for the Family 

Chapter 3: Love in the Family 

Chapter 4: The Sexual Life in the Family 

Chapter 5: Submission in the Family 

Chapter 6: The Helper in the Family 

Chapter 7: Respect in the Family 

Chapter 8: The Children in the Family 

Conclusion 

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© The Ultimate Dream Family 

Introduction

The moment Adam woke and saw Eve, he was overjoyed to see her. That is why he stated This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man (Genesis 2:23 ESV). Whenever you first meet someone to whom you are attracted, you feel a joy beyond description. This attraction gradually develops into love, and when both of you are comfortable and sure about your relationship, you decide to marry and settle down.

Adam praised Eve when he first saw her; but when troubles came, he blamed God for giving her to him. In Genesis 3:12 Adam said, The woman whom you gave to be with me, she gave me fruit of the tree, and I ate (ESV). This was the first ever marital disagreement—but notice that Adam did not ask for divorce as we often do today.

Perhaps, after spending time in prayer and preparation, you and your loved one have finally come together as a married couple. You must realize that there is no smooth ride in marriage. However, God’s grace ensures that anytime there is a problem, there is also a solution.

Marriage is the only institution from which we don’t graduate. It doesn't matter how long you have been married; there is always some new misunderstanding. Thankfully, the longer you stay together, the easier it becomes to navigate these misunderstandings. Adam and Eve were the first people to get married. They had everything they needed in order to enjoy their marriage, but they still experienced misunderstandings and disagreements—even though their circumstances were perfect and there wasn’t any sin. We don't pray for problems, but problems are inevitable.

At almost every prayer meeting, we intercede for families. Most of the time, we blame the devil for attacking families. Each family faces different challenges, and most of these challenges have the ability to end marriages. There is no doubt that Satan and his angels are fighting against families. But I believe there are some important principles that most families do not apply properly—principles that would allow them to stand strong against Satan.

It was God who first saw that man and woman should come together and form a family: "Then the Lord God said, ‘It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him’ (Genesis 2:18 ESV). God saw that when man and woman come together, they can make something wonderful. Therefore, God created man in His own image, and then He blessed man and woman to live together. In Genesis 1:26–30, God said,

Let us make man in our image, after our likeness. And let them have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over the livestock and over all the earth and over every creeping thing that creeps on the earth. 27 So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them. 28 And God blessed them. And God said to them, Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it, and have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over every living thing that moves on the earth. 29 And God said, "Behold, I have given you every plant yielding seed that is on the face of all the earth, and every tree with seed in its fruit. You shall have them for food. 30 And to every beast of the earth and to every bird of the heavens and to everything that creeps on the earth, everything that has the breath of life, I have given every green plant for food." And it was so. (ESV)

God’s plan for Adam and Even was perfect. He gave Adam and Eve every blessing necessary for them to live a happy life together. Man did not ask God about family, but God brought man and woman together and told them to take care of all the things He had created. Genesis 2:24 says, Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh (ESV).

Since Adam and Eve had accepted each other, God blessed them and challenged them at the same time. The first challenge went to man: that he has to leave his parents and be with his wife. Man is to leave his parents and join himself to his wife. This is a two-step process, and is worth more consideration than most couples give it. If you are leaving, it should be permanent because your wife will be the most important person in your life. To leave means to place every other relationship and commitment—excluding, of course, your relationship with God—at a lower priority than your marital relationship. Your wife is truly to be your best friend and the person upon whom you can depend most. Leaving your parents, your former life, and your order of priorities from before marriage means that every activity outside of the marital relationship must take a backseat. This includes your career or business, sports and hobbies, your social life, and even church work. Outside of your walk with God, no other relationship or activity is as important as your spouse. As important as your job, friends, or relatives may be, your wife must always be your highest priority in life.

Sometimes when a couple leaves their hometown and settles far away from their parents, some men bring the memory of their parents with them. Some men expect their wives to behave exactly like their mother. However, this pressures the wife to try to be someone she is not. Therefore, don’t bring your mother into your marriage. You should always see your wife, never your mother, sister, or friends. Your wife is different from them, and it is important for you to allow your wife to develop her identity as your wife and as mother to your future children. Sometimes, too, mothers like to follow their sons to their marriage homes. This will prove unconstructive to the healthy development of your new family, so it is important to let your parents and other relatives know that you want to be alone with your wife. Depending on your culture, your parents may be offended by this or think that your wife is controlling you. Try not to worry about others’ assumptions or judgments. You still love your parents’ family, of course, but don’t bring them into your marriage. To do so will only breed jealousy and resentment.

Marriage does not happen overnight. It takes some time for both spouses to adjust. To join to someone means to adhere or stick to that person, tying yourself tightly to him or her by a strong bond. Joining yourself to your wife isn’t an instant process or a one-time act; rather, it is a lifelong pursuit. It begins at the marriage altar and continues to the deathbed. It requires absolute, total commitment.

Commitment is an overused but undervalued word in our modern society, especially in the arena of marriage. The modern mindset says, "I’ll try it for a while, and if it doesn’t work, I’ll just find someone new. That is a far cry from what God intended! The 1611 King James Bible describes marriage thus: Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh" (Genesis 2:24 KJV).

Cleaving unto your wife is no passive endeavor, and it reaches far beyond your physical union as one flesh. It doesn’t simply happen but, rather, comes about as the result of prolonged effort. The New Testament word for join means to stick like glue; the two elements become one, unable to be separated without damaging both (kollaó, Strong’s Concordance). If we truly believe that two people are joined in body and spirit when they marry, then we must also believe that severing their union is a grave and dangerous matter. Any marriage is therefore worth whatever effort is necessary to revive and sustain it.

Such an enormous commitment requires more than a day or week of contemplation, and both the man and the woman concerned deserve more than an impulsive decision. Jesus explained the gravity of marriage thus:

"But from the beginning of the creation, God ‘made them male and female.’ 7 ‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, 8 and the two shall become one flesh’; so then they are no longer two, but one flesh. 9 Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate." (Mark 10:6–9 NKJV)

Husband and wife are both one flesh and two unique individuals. In terms of character, upbringing, education, ideology, and social life, the husband and wife will always be different people going into their marriage. You may, in fact, prove to hold very few things in common with your spouse. That is where faith comes in. Faith plays a vital role in marriage. If you have different religious views, or one of you is less committed to your shared faith, the problems will start immediately.

There is no true manual for marriage, so what will be discussed throughout this book is based on the Bible and on personal experiences. The reason why the Bible is the best reference tool for marriage is that God invented the concept of family. If you take God out of your family, you are heading for disaster. He invented marriage, and He has the entire manual, including the solution to any problem you will encounter. If you stop following God, your marriage will be in trouble. You will end up imitating other couples even though, behind the scenes, most other couples are struggling at least as much as you are.

You won’t get far if all you have in your marriage is you and your spouse. Human willpower is simply not enough. You will grow tired and give up. If you allow God to direct and help you, however, you will be able to enjoy a successful marriage. As Jesus said, With man, this is impossible, but with God, all things are possible (Matthew 19:26 ESV). Marriage is included in Jesus’ statement. It is also written that if we seek God, we will have access to all things: But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you (Matthew 6:33 ESV). God will take good care of your family if both you and your spouse depend on Him. As one of King Solomon’s psalms declares, Unless the Lord builds the house, those who build it labor in vain. Unless the Lord watches over the city, the watchman stays awake in vain (Psalm 127:1 ESV).

The first family still recognized God even though they were expelled from the beautiful Garden