Everand Logo

Welcome to Everand!

  • Discover millions of ebooks, audiobooks, and so much more with a free trial

    Only $11.99/month after trial. Cancel anytime.

    The Boot Tree
    The Boot Tree
    The Boot Tree
    Ebook75 pages1 hour

    The Boot Tree

    By Frankie Lassut

    ()

    Read preview

    About this ebook

    I don’t like ‘write ups’ very much. I therefore suggest that you would read the book and be surprised.
    Evo said ‘but people may not hang around if you don’t tell them anything about the contents.’ ... I reply, well, there are many good writers out there so they may not hang about if I scribble a proper write up, so what’s the difference. Now please could you get back to the cooking and cleaning? The stories are about some of the many faces of love, there you go.
    Yes, women and domestic chores, there’s a match made in heaven. I love domestic chores and I don’t care how many times I get called weird by men and some women, other women call me insane, others want to marry me. I though know the secret behind liking domestic chores i.e. why it’s wise to like them and extremely unwise to hate them. Why would a couple wait for a long time to get a beautiful new house which they love, move in and then suddenly decide that they hate cleaning it? I can’t compute that. Yes, I’ve written about it in a book called housework’s invisible gold i.e. vibrational gold. You see, to know what I mean you’ll have to visit with Abraham Hicks and discover ‘real magic’.
    On a bridge near where I presently live there is a set of stairs at each end plus a ‘pathway’ for bikes and prams. The other day a guy on a bike cycled along the main walkway of the bridge, got to the end, then picked up his bike and walked down the stairs. I wasn’t taking anything and so it really happened. Well, I thought I was mad.
    I have another short amusing observational story, I’ll put it at the end of the book, which is all about the popular subject i.e. ‘love’. Come on, you gotta read it. Just think, if you don’t, my ribs will show even more due to starvation. Have you got a heart prospective fan? If you pay for it, read it, then hate it ... I don’t give a refund but I don’t mind if you slag me off down the pub.
    Have an awesome day and keep your eyes open for Frankie Lassut write ups.
    Yes! They are better then the book (I can’t believe I wrote that).

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherFrankie Lassut
    Release dateMar 8, 2015
    ISBN9781910103708
    The Boot Tree
    Author

    Frankie Lassut

    I am the one being shaved; the other one Nim, is is a looney bin now!I went to see a psychic years ago who ended up as my girlfriend; she didn’t see that one coming! But she was extremely honoured. However it ended badly i.e. it rained heavily as I buried her body and I got soaked. No! You don’t really want to hear about it, it’s depressing; I was joking about the burial. She told me that I was to uncover a talent I had ... Well, another psychic told me that as the first one was dead; I was lying when I said I was lying. Nothing happened for quite a while. Suddenly I realised I needed a ‘job’ quite badly as I was beginning to drink halves. No, not a boob ‘job’! I went for the cheap option i.e. the surgeon gave some socks to shove up my jumper when I go out. I got a ‘job’ (have you got boobs on your mind?) because someone told me that bus-driving was easy because you just sit on your butt and turn the wheel. She was about six, a wise woman ... that’s called an oxymoron. Fantastic! I thought get the job and in a couple of days I’d be driving all the nice passengers around and about seeing all the sights for a fraction of the cost of a tour bus; and we’d have a roof in case it rained. Easy! First of all though there was the training; and I entered hell.I was born in Cumbria in a little ex-iron ore mining town called Millom. It was only small, a one- horse town; the horse was called Peg. It had a pedigree name too, but I can’t remember it at the moment: Peggy Suss? However, I got fed up and left as I was the only man in a town full of women and they were all lesbys; I’ve always been lucky. I went to Blackpool and attended the photographic college. I then moved to Coventry and met the psychic who would tell me what was going to happen. I could say now that the rest is history. Well it is, but obviously not history as that’s all made up anyway. Then I got the job bus-driving, which as I said is easy ‘you just sit on your butt and turn the wheel’. The bus station management weren’t pleased that she had said that though, so she was tried and sent to Guantanamo Bay; they have a section for young kids who are bad to the bone.The job was so mad that I thought it would be a good idea to write out some posters and stick them all on the wall of the bus station. The other drivers enjoyed them, but the management tore them down, the badstars (that’s an anagram of astards +B). I carried on and ended up with a manuscript for a book, which, by the way is ‘brilliant’. The management didn’t like it, but bollocks to them.I couldn’t stop writing after that episode and I’ve been writing ever since, mostly cheques to people, such as the mortgage people and the gas board etc. I am so brilliant that I’ve lost all my friends because I wrote about them in my style which I believe is called Bizzaro. My inner being is a bit of a crazy horse, because whatever I write it has to be in that style, even the horror. It just goes that way. ‘Ordinary’ writing to me is like lemonade minus the bubbles ... I can’t bring myself to do it; but thank God I can still bring myself off. I need a selfie stick as I do that because the close focus on the phone won’t do it; how else am I going to post them on the Dark Web?Writing is like a drug. When I was writing my Millom book, the pictures that flashed into my head were so funny to me that I laughed myself into hernia-ville; my stomach tore. I got injured writing.You see, hernia-ville, a retirement home for people with stomach hernias; no comedians are booked to appear at that place.So, my writing is brilliant, so read the bloody stuff!I have actually suffered for my art. I won’t go to hospital to get it fixed because, well, I’ve written about that friggin place too.All that and now I’m an international bestselling author. I’m the only author in this world who has sold books on Mars (eat your heart out Tony Robbins), so I can say with certainty that Martians have fabulous senses of humour.What a profile!

    Read more from Frankie Lassut

    Related to The Boot Tree

    Related ebooks

    Horror Fiction For You

    View More
    View More

    Related podcast episodes

    Related articles

    • Article

      Comfort

      Jan 28, 2023

      Comfort
      8 min read

    • Article

      This is The End

      Feb 21, 2020

      This is The End
      6 min read

    • Article

      Sabrina Cohen-Hatton

      Sep 20, 2021

      Sabrina Cohen-Hatton
      5 min read

    • Article

      The Return Of… EMILY SEARS

      Apr 27, 2022

      The Return Of… EMILY SEARS
      8 min read

    • Article

      The Return Of… EMILY SEARS

      Apr 27, 2022

      The Return Of… EMILY SEARS
      8 min read

    • Article

      What I Deserve

      Apr 13, 2022

      IN THE past two years I have opened a bookstore while keeping my day job; finished a novel draft and written another novel draft; grieved the death of a friend, and another friend; started and stopped multiple vitamin regimens; watched my mother slip

      8 min read

    • Article

      Liane Moriarty

      Nov 26, 2018

      The best-selling author of Big Little Lies on her new book, sibling rivalry and unhealthy obsession along the path to wellness

      2 min read

    • Article

      You Live, Learn

      Oct 4, 2020

      You Live, Learn
      5 min read

    • Article

      The Creative Hero’s Journey: 5 Reasons You Should Write Your Book, Paint Your Picture, Sing Your Song

      Dec 9, 2021

      Estimated reading time: 10 minutes — I used to be a professional disease hunter, a board-certified surgical pathologist. I was the M.D. in a white coat who stared at your skin (or breast, brain or bone, etc.) biopsy under the microscope and let your

      6 min read

    • Article

      Monica Ali

      Feb 7, 2022

      Monica Ali
      5 min read

    • Article

      Words Are A Way Through

      Jun 2, 2022

      Words Are A Way Through
      6 min read

    • Article

      Glennon Doyle On New Beginnings

      Jan 5, 2022

      The moment I met my wife, Abby, my entire being said: There She Is. It was like the voice that was becoming clearer and louder ever since I got sober 15 years earlier had finally shouted. When I met Abby, it was just weeks before Love Warrior – my me

      4 min read

    • Article

      Letters

      Jun 22, 2020

      Firstly, I am loving the new-look FAIRLADY – the subtle refresh in layout is brilliant. I have been a reader of FAIRLADY for many years. Your magazine is not only intelligent, interesting and well put together visually, it is also entertaining and re

      3 min read

    • Article

      Face Time With Terry McMillan

      Mar 27, 2020

      Face Time With Terry McMillan
      5 min read

    • Article

      Vintage filth

      Nov 26, 2021

      “Fear and ignorance go hand in hand. As a young woman I didn’t really know how queer sex might unfold and a consequence of this was that I was really scared of doing it… I wish that I could flit back in time and whisper encouragement in my ear. I’d t

      5 min read

    • Article

      The Happiness Course

      Apr 14, 2021

      JUST as Family and Friends Divided had become Friends Reunited and the wretched Trump era laid to rest, Harry and Meghan gave their Oprah interview and a whole new Grand Canyon opened up again. This chasm really surprised me because my team was aston

      4 min read

    • Article

      The Last hang Over

      Jan 18, 2024

      The Last hang Over
      7 min read

    Related categories

    Reviews for The Boot Tree

    0 ratings

    0 ratings0 reviews

    What did you think?

    Tap to rate

    Review must be at least 10 words

      Book preview

      The Boot Tree - Frankie Lassut

      THE BOOT TREE

      Copyright by Frankie Lassut 2015

      Published by Wonky Books at Smashwords

      This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

      EPUB ISBN: 978-1-910103-70-8

      EBOOK ISBN: 978-1-910103-71-5

      email: frankielassut1@aol.com

      www.frankie-lassut.com

      LOVE

      A bloke who claimed he was really thick and proud of it once said in a discussion I was in ‘you can’t be happy all the time or you would forget what happy was.’ Then I learnt (remembered) that ‘there is only love’, which is energy (everything is energy). Does that mean that the opposite of love is also an expression of love? Hate then, must come under the same umbrella. If we then have the emotion of love which feels good, unless you say ‘I love that car’ but then can’t possibly ever own it (so you would choose to believe), then love feels bad?

      The energy called love then must have a ‘flip side’ to help us feel the other flip side. So for the world to work we must have + and – love perspectives.

      Life then needs death just like left needs right to exist.

      Sad needs happy.

      Winston Churchill needed Hitler.

      And evil is therefore bollocks.

      May as well say, the manufacturer of Chinook helicopters (or the politicians that sold them) needed the Vietnam War. If those things are true, then, it can’t be true what people say about the world being imperfect, because it has an abundance of the same energy, we can sort them into levels and call them emotions and actions. Instead then of saying ‘here are some love stories’, how about, ‘here are some perspectives of love’? It’s the only way we humans (and animals and birds) have of experiencing ‘everything’.

      Love can also ruin your life; it has ruined MY social life in the past. Allow me to explain: I’ve had several mates who got married for love. They were my socialising buddies and as a result of beautiful matrimony, I ended up sat at the bar by my (marriage, what?!) self watering down the loneliness and thinking that I should get married myself. I didn’t because I was obviously using the wrong aftershave and deodorant, which is a lie, because I never used ‘any’. But, as they got to know their brides better by communicating with them in the form of sensible questions i.e. where they worked, what films they liked and did they like children by any chance? Fine questions, but the reason why the lucky women had so desperately wanted to get married just like my mates became scarily clear. As a result, a year or so later I met the lads all at the bar again and they were all in tears. Were they newly divorced or something equally as horrible? Had the girls questioned them too? No, all of them said the same thing ... Frankie, it’s awful! I can’t handle it, I’m exhausted, I can hardly stand up.

      Amazingly enough, all their problemswere the same and were all what can only be called ‘fantastically awful’. Their brides had been hiding something which they rolled out when the ring was on and the vows were vowed. They all had insatiable hungers for sex after marriage with a pre-taster. The perpetual sex marathon for each and every one of them began just after the reception at the hotel. Actually, it began at the pudding course with some crotch rubbing ... with their toes, try that when new hubby’s sat next to you. Watch you don’t pop your hip.

      One of my poor unfortunate mates got to know the postman so well because of all the lingerie he delivered, that he was best man at his wedding and now he’s to be Godfather to posties first child. He fell into a sex overload exhausted sleep at the altar during the wedding ... it’s a good job he wasn’t a postman; imagine falling asleep on someone’s drive and failing to deliver the bills!

      It should be known that men get married for love and to have children and to NOT end up left on the shelf with no dysfunctional replicants running around causing hassle; they don’t get married just to have sex and have a substitute mother. Also, as men work so hard, sex has to be laid aside sometimes so they may rest ... its unfortunate that most women are nymphomaniacs both before and ‘especially’ after marriage. Could you ladies just heed that please and show your man love by letting him rest properly and just do a little bit of cooking and cleaning, he will appreciate it ... that’s REAL love.

      Steve Martin:

      I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy.

      Anyway, let’s

      Enjoying the preview?
      Page 1 of 1