Queer Astrology for Women: An Astrological Guide for Lesbians

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Contents

Title Page

Copyright Notice

Dedication

Introduction

Part One: The Twelve Sun Signs

1. Aries

2. Taurus

3. Gemini

4. Cancer

5. Leo

6. Virgo

7. Libra

8. Scorpio

9. Sagittarius

10. Capricorn

11. Aquarius

12. Pisces

Part Two: Compatibility

Aries

Taurus

Gemini

Cancer

Leo

Virgo

Libra

Scorpio

Sagittarius

Capricorn

Aquarius

Pisces

Also by Jill Dearman

Copyright

Dedication

Many people have helped to elevate me to the humble status I now enjoy as Astrologer to the Stars. I dedicate this book to my lover Andrea Kleine, for all her love, support, and passion. I would also like to thank James Cassese for being my contract angel and a force of brotherly Aquarian love, Penny Perkins for her generosity in sharing the secrets of her famous address book, Charlie Spicer for fabulous editing and all the kind, smart folks at St. Martin’s Press, Ralph Vicinanza, my agent, for rich astrological understanding and for hooking me up with St. Martin’s Press, Matthew Bank and the HX staff for giving me a forum in NYC’s gay community, Deborah Taylor for giving me my first byline as an astrologer back in college, Maria Napoli for being the greatest astrologer who’s ever lived, Brian McCormack for being a best friend and a brilliant muse, and my family for their love and support of my astrological sleuthing.

I would also like to thank my pals Allan, Hope, Wagner, Maureen, Clarinda, Philip, Aydin, Alice, Suz, Wendy Jo, Chris, Karen, Maura, and Rachel, who have always encouraged me to do something a little bit different from the pack and who have indulged me in mock-guru status when my moon in Aries needed a boost.

And special thanks to all the darling folks who have read my astrology columns, come to see me as private clients, and given me generous feedback over the years. I hope this book gives you as much insight as you’ve given me. All I ever wanted was to amuse and enlighten you great individuals and the magnificent masses!

Introduction

Girls. Girls. Girls. Where do we begin? This book is intended to be an Astrology 101 course for lesbians (and the women who love us). And so, we will begin with the basics: the twelve Sun signs. Keep in mind, my darlings, that your sun sign is only one small part of your chart. Naturally, no two Virgos are alike (although I defy you to find me one Virgo who is not prone toward the obsessive!), but people born under the same Sun sign do share many similarities.*

If you have your natal chart, you may want to read up on your moon sign, which rules your emotional nature, and your rising sign (also called the ascendant), which will tell you about your appearance and how other people perceive you. You may even want to look up the sign your Venus is in to see what kind of lover you are. By doing this you will get into the habit of balancing the different parts of an individual chart.

In later books, I hope to teach you all how to understand the more intricate parts of your chart (and the charts of your lovers, family, and friends) … from aspects between the planets to transits to retrogrades and past lives. But in this book, we’ll stick to the basics.

An important thing to remember when reading this book is that all the signs are divided into four elements (fire, earth, air, and water) and three modes (cardinal, fixed, and mutable).

The fire signs (Aries, Leo, and Sagittarius) are known for being action-oriented, direct and honest, and a little bit naive. Fire signs are ruled by passion and their own egos. They are great at parties but sometimes get antsy when the fun is over. The earth signs (Taurus, Virgo, and Capricorn) are practical and enjoy the simple things in life. These girls all pray to the goddess of work and appreciate the things that money can buy. The earth-sign dykes are slaves to their bodies (whether they obsess about their health or just need a lot more hugging and touching than the next woman). The air signs (Gemini, Libra, and Aquarius) are cerebral. They are ruled by their minds and live most happily in the world of ideas. Life with an air sign is bound to be … well … rather chatty. They can talk their way into or out of anything, but sometimes get confused when the subject is their own feelings. The water signs (Cancer, Scorpio, and Pisces) are slaves to their emotions. These girls feel first and think later. They are intuitive, mysterious, and moody as hell! Their feelings are deep and they live for love, but can sometimes nurse a broken heart or lick an old wound for years.

Now let’s look at the modes of the signs, which will show you how each sign of each element is different from her sisters. First are the cardinal signs (Aries, Cancer, Libra, and Capricorn). These women are the leaders of the zodiac. They have the initiative and organizational skills to get projects (and relationships!) under way. Aries has the energy to start things. Cancer can pull people together in a gentle, personal way. Libras have a clear vision of what the finished product should be. And Capricorns see the bottom line.

The second group are the fixed signs (Taurus, Leo, Scorpio, and Aquarius). These chickies have the staying power to finish what’s been started. They are tenacious and patient, but stubborn, stubborn, stubborn. These gals are not known for their flexibility. But they are known for their reliability. Taurus knows how to stay the course. Leo is known for her loyalty and dedication. Scorpio never gives up. And Aquarius wants to see change occur, no matter how long it takes.

The last group are the mutable signs (Gemini, Virgo, Sagittarius, and Pisces). These gals are known for being adaptable. They are survivors who can adjust to any situation and environment because of their flexibility. Each one is a chameleon in her own way. As a group, though, they can be a little vague! Geminis jump from idea to idea, learning more with each one. Virgos aren’t snobbish about the work they do. They thrive on the details—whether it’s cleaning the oven or fact-checking the encyclopedia. Sagittarius is always looking for a new religion. She is an adventurer constantly testing her own philosophies. And Pisces is an emotional cushion. She absorbs all the feelings around her.

I hope this book helps you to understand yourself and the important women in your life a little bit better. For me, the more I write about astrology, the more questions I am left with. I wish you luck on your journey and hope you learn something valuable from the following chapters. Finally, if you view this book as pure entertainment, fine. Just leave the money on the dresser. If your interest in astrology runs deeper, I encourage you to learn more, whenever you are ready. And remember, sweeties: In astrology, timing is everything.

* Think of the signs as archetypes, like the Gods and Goddesses of ancient mythology.

Part One

The Twelve Signs

CHAPTER ONE

Aries

(March 21–April 20)

Element: Fire

Mode: Cardinal

Ruling Planet: Mars

Erogenous Zone: Head, face

Best Traits: Courage under fire, personal integrity, her forcefulness

Worst Traits: Selfish! Bossy! Her forcefulness (when you’re not in the mood)

In Life

Aries is the first sign of the zodiac and often thought of as the infant. Her favorite word is me, and she is likely to act first and think later. Look up the word butch in the dictionary and you will find a picture of an Aries dyke. (That’s her in the ankle-length leather coat with nothing underneath). Yes, she’s a tough, forceful woman, but you know what her greatest asset is? She is completely unjaded. She has a certain childlike enthusiasm that she brings to everything she does. She’s fearless and pioneering, great at starting things, not so great at finishing them. The Aries woman is exciting to be around. She just crackles with energy. When she’s feeling down, all you have to do is remind her of how cool and powerful she is and she’ll perk right up. Her ego can be her Achilles’ heel, but it is also one of her greatest strengths.

Aries women are great leaders, and great athletes. If a job demands great physical and mental courage, you can expect Aries to be on the front lines. Whatever field she is in, from firefighter to football player, she is a true pioneer. She takes risks before it is fashionable to do so.

Of course, the annoying thing about Ms. Aries is that her ego needs constant propping up. She needs a lot of attention and regular reminders that she is number one: in the sack, at the office, on the sports field.

When Ms. Aries was young, she probably said to herself, I want to be a (fill in the noun: performer, politician, reporter …) when I grow up. Even as an adult she holds fast to her dreams and ambitions. She will accomplish great things in this life, and she won’t destroy other people to get to the top! She’s a winner with a conscience.

In Bed

Forget the atmosphere. Aries likes to get right down to business. She is a force of nature, especially at the beginning of an affair. If she likes you, you will know it, and she’s the one who likes to do the chasing. Pretend you’re a straight woman in the 1950s and play hard to get. She’ll come after you, and she’ll charm you with her courage and sincerity. She is a true top, in every sense of the word, even if she likes being on the bottom from time to time. She’s the one in charge, and she enjoys playing the role of Xena, Warrior Princess. She tends to have more energy than imagination, so it may be up to you to vary the routine a bit. Share your passions with her. If you’ve been together awhile and you are just discovering a love of slow dancing to lounge standards, then break out the Dean Martin records and dance around the living room with her. Add an element of surprise each time you make love, and you’ll subliminally train her to do the same. Pay special attention to her head and face. Kiss that bit between her eyebrows as if you mean it. She isn’t shy and neither should you be.

The gay Aries woman is a sheep in wolf’s clothing. She plays hard but her heart is soft and mushy. She’s an action-oriented chick who is not into analyzing a relationship or a night of amour to death. She is ruled by Mars, the planet of life force, and, girl, will she make you feel alive! She forces her way in and comes out smiling. Take her or leave her. There’s no gray area with this bold and single-minded woman.

Aries is also obsessed with the bathroom. She loves public toilets as much as gay men do! In her heart, she is a bit of a gay man. You may feel her pushing you to parts unknown before you’ve even gotten to second base. That’s part of her charm. Beneath her hot, womanly body, she’s just a teenage boy with a hard-on.

How to Seduce Her

The Aries dyke likes her women one way: strong. Be yourself and don’t try too hard to accommodate her. She respects women who have lives and minds of their own. And the more driven and independent you are, the better. It is always better to let her come after you, but if that is easier said than done, here are some tips: Make her laugh. This fire sign is so passionate and extreme in her life that it will be a real relief if you break the ice and help her to relax and lighten up a bit. If she knows she can have fun and play with you, then she may make the next leap … into the physical realm. If you are going to make a pass at her, there are two ways you can do it. You can overpower her with passion and come on strong yourself. She likes a fun surprise, you know. She is a deeply physical person who loves a thrill. So if you’re going to be bold, don’t get cold feet in the middle! The other approach is to be a little coy. Wait for the right moment, when the music is sexy and the lights are low. Stare into her eyes with intent and plant a sweet, gentle kiss on her lips. Then pull back. The ball is in her court now, but her curiosity will be piqued. If she doesn’t grab you right then and there, then just play it cool and go back to your dinner conversation. And let her obsess over what to do next.

But the best approach of them all is to draw her in with your own brand of intensity and let her take the leap and come to you. I cannot stress enough how much the Ram girl loves a challenge. Wait her out. If you go after her too passionately, you may kill all the mystery and incentive for her. I’m not recommending that you play games. I’m just advocating that you stay strong and hold out! The early days of your love affair will have a strong effect on what happens in the weeks, months, or years to come.

Doing Her and Dating Her

Starting an affair with Ms. Aries? I hope you don’t expect to get much sleep. This fiery gal will keep you going all night and most of the day. She’s got energy to spare and you’d better keep up if you want to make a good impression on her. Then again, she can be a bit frenetic and may just go to every sporting event, political meeting, and trendy nightclub just to impress you. You can gain her respect if you maintain your own personality (e.g., pull an allnighter with her a couple of times a week, then let her know that on the other days you have a life of your own). She digs independent women. She’s one herself, you know. With Aries, there’s always an invisible line in the sand. She lives hard and fast and wants to see if you’re up for her highly energetic lifestyle. But she doesn’t want to date a carbon copy of herself. For a simple woman with straightforward desires, she can be complex!

How to Last over the Long Haul

This is the real challenge, my darlings. If you are interested in sustaining a long-term relationship with an Aries, the first thing you will need is patience. She is a trial-by-fire/learn-by-doing kind of gal. That means you will have to live through a lot of her dramatic trials and tribulations. As the first sign of the zodiac, she possesses little wisdom when it comes to learning from the past. The good part is this: she will not bring a lot of that tired old I’ve been burned in the past or My last girlfriend really hurt me kind of baggage to your new and exciting relationship. The bad part is as follows: she may not have learned a helluva lot from her past mistakes. Every time is like the first time with Ms. Aries, the biggest dyke on campus.

And that brings us to how you can hold on to her (and your sanity) for a long time. Keep reinventing yourself. Keep growing. Forget her for a minute (that’s about as long as she’ll allow you to anyway) and concentrate on your own life. Make sure that you don’t allow yourself to settle into a rut. And make sure that passion is always your top priority. There is no other way when you are loving an Aries. Each day is an adventure for her, so you better get used to life that way, too. If you want security above all else, try a Cancer or Taurus. Otherwise, you need to know that you can have a unique form of security with this woman. As long as you keep the fire burning … every day.

How to Get Rid of Her

So you’ve given it your best shot and it just isn’t working, and you want to know how to say good-bye to Ms. Aries? Well, first of all, as we all know … lesbians never really say good-bye, we just end up dating someone closely connected to our ex, then end up being friends with the dreaded former lover anyway. But, if you no longer want a romance with an Aries, it’s relatively easy to pull out. Take a note from a song by our sisters the Pet Shop Boys and be boring. Boredom is the death knell in a relationship for an Aries woman. Without a sense of excitement and thrills, she is more than likely to leave you. She can’t stand being in a rut. So if you just keep things moving at a snail’s pace, into the kind of predictability she can set her underwater, James Bond–style watch to, then you can breathe a sigh of relief as you watch her slam the door on her way out.

Another surefire way to end this relationship without risking life and limb is to ignore her. Just like her fire-sign sisters (Sagittarius and especially Leo), she needs a lot of attention. And I mean a lot! So if you stop giving her her fair share, she won’t stick around for long. And luckily, the Aries woman is queen of the clean break. She won’t sit around and process the way her Aquarius sisters will, nor will she obsess in Scorpio style. When it’s over, it’s over. And if she senses it’s over for you, she won’t stick around for the funeral services.

The Three Faces of Aries

Every sign is broken up into three decanates, each of which gives the Sun sign a distinctive flavor. Keep in mind, though, that the Sun enters and leaves each sign a day later or earlier during different years. Make the proper adjustments for girls born on the cusp of their sign. Wipe that dumb look off of