Married to Porn

144

Married to Porn

By

David W. Sokol

Copyright 2015, David W. Sokol

Contents

Introduction

Prologue

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

Chapter 9

Chapter 10

Chapter 11

Chapter 12

Chapter 13

Chapter 14

Family

Conclusion

Bibliography

Contact

Special Thanks

Introduction

Married to Porn details the side of porn that is not usually seen by the public.

This book is my personal account. I am the husband of one of the Porn Industry’s most prolific and well known personalities. Part of the reason for writing this book is to deal with my own feelings, demons, and experiences of being the spouse of a Porn Star. The other reason is because this is a good story that needs to be told so that the world can understand that our world is only as different as the public perceives marriages like ours, families like ours.

Jezebelle Bond is known for being the original Alt Porn Princess. She was the first adult film performer to openly flaunt tattoos and piercings in her scenes. She came onto the scene in 1999 with jet-black hair bobbed in pin-up fashion without any surgical alterations that were prevalent among women in the industry at the time. During the late 1990’s and early 2000’s, the image of the female pornstar was still very much the girl next door with fake tits and bleach-blond hair.

Jezebelle Bond exploded on the scene as a personality that was truly unique and unapologetically original who would change her look and her attitude for nobody.

As her career moved forward through the early 2000’s until her retirement from the Porn Industry in 2008, she had a reputation as being porn’s Bad Girl. Admittedly, she was trouble and enjoyed that distinction.

What her fans and colleagues in the industry did not know was that the person she is outside of her stage name could not be more different than the troublemaker her persona portrayed. The person behind Jezebelle Bond wanted nothing more than the comforts and domestications of a family life with a strong marriage and motherhood.

When we met in 2007, she was at a crossroads in her career. On one hand her career was thriving and her demand was increasing with the emergence of more alternative-focused Porn Companies that are shooting the girls with tattoos and piercings to appeal to fans that are now getting tattoos and piercings and living the alternative lifestyle themselves. My wife had been in a relationship with the Lead Singer of a famous Metal Band. He had successfully convinced her to back out of the industry, but things didn’t work out between them for one reason or another and they split amicably. She was out of a job and decided that getting back into porn was the best option following her breakup. When she started back after that, she enjoyed enormous success and frequent bookings. She had no intention of ever leaving the industry, thinking that there was no other option for her and that there was nobody in the world who would take her for who she is as the porn star.

When we met, it was unexpected to us both that meeting each other would change our lives and our plans drastically.

Here she was, setting sail again in a renewed career with a new wind in her sails.

Then there was me, a very successful Personal Trainer in Beverly Hills working as the Managing Trainer for a high-end personal training studio training big names on the back-end of the entertainment industry, celebrities, and high profile residents of Beverly Hills and West Hollywood. I was in the process of opening a satellite gym in Palm Springs and, needless to say, we both had a lot of good on our plates that didn’t involve us ever meeting or being together…fuckin’ crazy how circumstance works out.

Going any further into our circumstances would give away the premise of this book. For that, I will pull back and let the book tell more about us.

What I will say is that circumstance is what has driven me to tell our story and give a perspective not seen about Porn Stars and the people who love them through my eyes.

My account, hopefully, will shed light on how a marriage like ours works. Not to say that our story is true for everyone who is married and connected to porn, but ours is unique in many ways that even shock my wife and me.

What compelled me to document our lives, ultimately, came from my wife going back into porn in April of 2014 after a 6 year hiatus from being Jezebelle Bond. I could not find outlets where I could deal with my feelings and emotions in having to adapt to her going back in. My emotions were mixed. Here emotions, more importantly, were a jumbled mess. Her conflict is the abnormal struggle between being a wife and mother and being Jezebelle.

We took a great deal of time discussing her getting back in. We were not making money where we live on California’s Central Coast. We both are heavily tattooed, which is frowned upon here and is an absolute factor in finding decent work in the job fields I am more than qualified to work in. Although my wife grew up here and is local to the area, she made the mistake of leaving for 15 years and becoming a Porn Star who lived the greater part of her adult life in Los Angeles...people from San Luis Obispo despise Los Angeles for some reason that I will never understand. Moreover, the local culture here looks out for the lifers. I was passed up for too many jobs because somebody hired the son, daughter, wife, nephew, or fucking God Child of somebody local. Additionally, nobody would even consider hiring my wife out here since she has been in porn and, once you have a name like hers the doors of opportunity are closed by the same people who pay to watch her get screwed. It’s a sad world when a man with a college degree and a stellar resume is working as a Bouncer because that is all he is offered where his family lives. It’s even sadder that his wife has to go back to having sex for a living because it’s the only way we can buy our daughter lunch for school. We truly had no other option than bringing Jezebelle back to the surface for our survival.

In respect to the Porn Community, I can’t be angry or dismissive when it comes to my wife directly. There are many reasonable conflicts that arise from where Jessie and I are now with her being Jezebelle Bond again. We never tear at each other’s throats to any extent that would hurt us or our marriage, but there is strife that is very organic to the parameters of her job and porn as a whole.

On one hand, this industry pays a great deal of our bills and keeps the roof over our head. On the other hand, it’s not easy for me to physically share my wife with others, even if it is just a job for her. It being just a job is not that easy when there are preparations, boundaries, and processes required for everything in our lives presently.

Getting it out through writing has helped in many ways. I have a certain esteem I place on the Adult Film Industry that I did not have before. But, the searing hate I have for the Porn Industry tempers any modicum of respect I have for it. This uneasy balance I have found tears at me constantly. This is a dilemma that is in my head. Writing about it helps get it out to where I can understand it enough to accept what it is in my life and in Jessie’s life. It is a quandary.

Porn is not just an industry, it’s a Community. Love it or hate it, people in the industry look out for each other in ways most industries don’t. It’s not exactly like their workers are being provided with health insurance and discuss changes in their 401 K’s on Silly Sweater Day. But, if a performer needs to make money quick, usually it takes only one phone call and that performer is immediately sent to test for diseases and is working within 24 hours. A porn performer is safer at work than a woman who is salaried and working a downtown corporate job that places her in harm’s way every time she walks out of her office to go to her car in a dimly-lit parking lot at 3 AM just to meet a deadline. Yet, she still has to look over her back and hope she can get into her car without being attacked by somebody. As bizarre a comparison as it is to the above scenario, my wife is safe and people are watching over her. It gives me piece of mind. But, then there is the personal typhoon I go through with her every time she does go to work. I can blame neither her, nor her industry for how I feel. But, I do feel and sometimes the feelings I have overwhelm me. It’s a paradoxical world we live in. Somehow, we make it work and we keep our principles and morals intact.

In the chapters ahead, I have intentionally changed and left out names of most of the people documented. I did this because of the obvious legal implications that could arise, but also to provide the reader with as much of a sense of mystery as possible. Moreover, I imagine the shit-storm I will catch for writing this would be subverted somewhat if I protected the identities of the people involved. Some of the conversations with the unnamed and changelings that I have in here are, admittedly verbatim and combined from real conversations. Again, writing this way provides deeper points to the reader and protects us when those individuals realize that they are who I might be writing about.

The ultimate point of ‘Why?’ I am writing this is because I want people to know that a marriage like ours is strong and dignified. I want people to know that there is honor in what they misconstrue as sick and evil because they have been led to believe that the people they misunderstand and demonize have more good in them and more honesty than they do.

I am Married to Porn. Porn is Married to me.

Prologue

The car swept over the curves of the hills around Corbett Canyon heaving and working too hard for its old engine. It’s a constant worry. Will it make it through another turn? What if it burns out on the way up a grade? My God, we are only down to one vehicle right now, and this is it! Then, the reality hits me as I squint from the beam of sharp sunlight blinding me through the yard-long crack in the windshield, This is a Suburu. We’re gonna be okay. It’s dependable, it’s solid, it has always taken care of us.

When the anxiety left me, after my small epiphany, I look at my phone to check the time and make sure we are still on schedule for all that has to get done in a day. The picture of our daughter and my wife laughing with gaping mouths and toothy smiles comes up to remind me that my life is much like the life of my car. It’s not pretty but it’s solid, dependable, honest, and happy. My wife and our daughter are the beautiful reason for keeping all those principles consistent.

Looking over at my wife in the driver’s seat, saying so much in her determined silence forces me to inventory how dependable, dedicated, willful, and flawed she is in her perfection. The dynamic of our marriage is unconventional. It’s a marriage that few would understand, or even want for themselves. It’s my marriage though, and it is a happy marriage. When I wake up in the middle of the night and the sweat is pouring out from the onset of crippling panic, I look at her sleeping with her chest moving up-and-down making rhythm with the breathing of our daughter in the room across from us and I know that all of this is right. It is all solid. It is all as it should be…

Perhaps that is the reason that I must write this book…

Perhaps my marriage is not so unconventional? By the end of this book, the story may be one of the most monotonous pieces of self-exploratory shit literature ever written and the reader could wonder why he or she wasted money and time on it? However, I sincerely believe that the reader will see why I had to write this book and come to the shocking conclusion that not every story involving a Porn Star ends in a cum-shot or pretending to be passionate on one of the mainstream talk shows. In writing this, I am not seeking anything more than traversing a road that is followed by few and that being married to a porn star is a quagmire of deep-breaths for both spouses. There are highly covert efforts to protect our child and our family from the impending reality of what explanations the future holds in conversations that have not yet happened.

Anxiety is a very real part of every shoot and every video my wife does. There is a grace period that takes considerable patience for my wife and me prior-to and after she goes to work. Then, there is my shit that she has to put up with…

This book documents a strong and impenetrable bond that people in normal marriages simply don’t have. I consider myself and my family fortunate for what porn has given us. Transversely, there is a lot of ambivalence and disdain I have for the industry that is my wife’s. If only people understood that there is a courage and bravery that my wife and I both have to have in the world we live in with her being seen as one thing, but excelling at the other.

What is not seen in the Porn Star that is my wife is the mother she is, the wife she is, and the dedication she has to her family. This what she excels in, the stable environment that is not typical of the Porn World. Not every individual in the adult industry can put the front up that the A-List of Porn Starlets have the liberty doing because they have the money to put people in place to do so. Sure, my wife has had her ups-and-downs, but the woman I know is not a substance abuser or neglectful. She is not self-absorbed to the point that she is completely ignorant of what her priorities are. Her expectations are humble and the extremes she takes to separate her household from the porn set are admirable.

There is a need to explain that part of me writing this book is to enlighten the reader as to how healthy our world is in spite of her career field, which has been criminalized, lambasted, and demoralized by the same people that are the industry’s best customers. My wife checks Jezebelle at the door when she gets home from work. If a phone call comes in from an agent, a media entity, or if she has use the social media for promotions, she disappears into another room of the house or into the garage so that our daughter and I don’t have to hear it. Most of the people I know don’t have to check anything before they come home and their work bleeds into their home and it causes a lot of problems. When she is done with being a Porn Princess for the day, she is done. Her persona is not present and it is not tolerated by either of us. Work time is for work. Family time is for family.

In commencing into the fleshy pulp of the body of this book, it is you who will be the final judge of what you read here. But, I caution you before you go any further to sit down and look at your spouse deeply with sincerity. Look deep, and explore what makes it all work for you. I have and that is why I am sharing my story and our lives with you. I love my wife with a tempered unconditionality that has taken the duration of our marriage thus far to reach. So, again, look at your spouse and search yourself deeply and ask yourself, How far am I willing to go for this person? What are the limits of my love for the person I have married? When does the good of the family outweigh my own greed for the feelings I have? Do I love this person enough to gain enough humility to weather the storm and be there for the vow I have taken? Can I look at myself and accept my own shortcomings? What is most important?

Once you have answered those questions you can go forward and make your decisions about this book. You can be the judge. Moreover, you can judge me personally, but before you do you better know yourself very well, because what I can find in you and your world is probably much worse than you can find in ours.

David W. Sokol, 24 June 2014, 10:05 PM

Chapter 1

Never wash your Zippo…

I tend to chain-smoke my way through writing. My Zippo was a gift from my wife. It’s like she had this psychic revelation that it would be the one possession that I would use most frequently.

Lately, I’ve been chain-smoking my way through life when my daughter is at school or asleep. It captivates me watching the smoke rise from the tip of the burning embers of each cigarette that is so calming, killing me slowly with each deep inhalation. But, when your wife is a porn star, it helps you get through. Smoking those filthies takes the edge off…something has to. That Goddamned Zippo, right now it’s really got me fucked up.

Now, after ten strikes on the flint and a lit cigarette, I am ready to get started. The computer in front of me is beaming blue light through my eyes and giving me a headache. When I see the words I’ve written thus far, I know it’s time. My window for writing is three hours per night from Sunday through Tuesday. I make the most of it because my wife goes to work later in the week lately, and I go to my shitty Bouncing job at a shitty bar in San Luis Obispo from Wednesday through Saturday. Somehow, I still dedicate most of my time to my family. That section of my life is the most important and intensive of my daily schedule. My wife and I have this rule that a parent will always be present for our daughter. It’s a rule we have had since our daughter was in the womb. It makes life comforting and regulated for our little girl. Children crave structure. No matter how outlandish the lives and career of my wife and I are, we provide our daughter with reliability and consistency. My wife never had the upbringing we give to our daughter. I had similar circumstances growing up, but still had the right environment for nurturing ambition and setting goals. In the case of my wife, she had to push her own cart. Nobody becomes a Porn Star because of good parenting.

I guess right now, we are in transition, to be honest. Our marriage and our home are solid, but our financial circumstances have led us back into the shadows that are our careers in order to keep above water.

As I puff away on this filthy, my thoughts drift in and out from what family responsibilities we have tomorrow to what my wife must do in the morning. Tomorrow is her work day. It starts early.

Tomorrow, my wife will be up at 4 AM. She will have one hour to make sure she has everything she needs ready to go to Los Angeles to shoot a Boy/Girl (BG) adult film with a German Dude. Last week she backed out of her shoot she had scheduled because her feelings got the best of her and she wanted only to be home with her family. She was scheduled to shoot with Porn’s Top Character Actor, a guy called T.P. The Friday prior to that shoot, she did a scene with porn’s Jewish Male Superstar, The Scandalous Mr. J.D. I read his blog on his website. He gave her a great review. When I was reading it, which was having a stake edged deeper into my heart with every word, I thought about a promise to my wife to always protect her. Protection comes in the form of seeing what you don’t want to because, in the end, it’s still a husband watching out for his wife. One week before she shot with J.D., she did a scene with porn’s Metal Head, X.C. in Vegas. I saw the pictures and forced myself to watch the trailer. It was a convincing performance…for both of them. The weirdest one was on May 28, 2014 at 2 PM with C.A, a younger guy who is in heavy rotation in the Porn World. She was shooting a Blow Job scene for a director and a producer she knew from the time she was in the industry prior to being married to me. The only reason I hold that shoot as the weirdest thus far is because it was the first time she had shot a scene in 6 years.

Damn, we never thought we would be here again. We could not have imagined that porn was a place for her to come back to after she retired in 2008. But, here we are…

So, tomorrow is coming up faster than either of us wants it to be. Usually, there is a grace period between the days she works so we can decompress and carry on like happily married people with a little family do. She had a feature dancing gig in