Keep Your Daughter Safe
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About this ebook
For many readers, date violence and domestic abuse is something that happens to other people. Not to your daughter! Not to you!
In fact, domestic violence and its cycle of violence is many a family's dirty little secret. Yet, you can learn to recognize the early signs and rescue your daughter while you still can. Author Diane J. Peters will show you how.
Diane's personal story and gentle guidance is a must-read book. She cleverly weaves in personal scenarios with tips and guidance for wrenching your daughter from the claws of an abuser. Diane draws you into her experience so you can feel her pain and horror. While many people are unsure of what to do, Diane is adamant - as a parent you need to intervene! She shows you how.
Diane J. Peters
DIANE J. PETERS holds a degree in education as well asmultiple certificates in crisis intervention, applied counselling,and suicide prevention as well as parenting children who havewitnessed domestic violence.Diane is a well-respected educator with over thirty-fiveyears’ experience working in both elementary and high schools.She has also taught at university and college and is the recipientof the outstanding teacher award at the University of Manitoba.Currently, Diane works as a high school guidance counsellorworking with teens, parents, teachers and counsellors.Since recovering from her own domestic abuse challenges,Diane has dedicated her life to helping women removethemselves from domestic violence. She engaged in intensivetraining as a crisis counsellor and spent many years as a counsellorand board member for the largest women’s shelter in herhome province of Manitoba, Canada. As well, Diane acted asan advisor to a university research project on teen datingviolence.Diane is a strong advocate for education and dedicates herselfto teaching others about the perils of date violence anddomestic abuse. Over the years, she has designed, developedand delivered multiple training programs on domestic abuse,developed teaching packages, organized conferences andreadily speaks on the subject of date violence and domesticabuse. In addition, Diane has actively contributed to legislativepolicy development task forces, presented in the local governmentlegislature and acted as an advisor to the Family ViolenceResearch Centre. In the past, Diane has worked with DeniseBrown, sister of the late Nicole Brown Simpson by respondingto live calls on the subject.
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Keep Your Daughter Safe - Diane J. Peters
Keep Your Daughter Safe!
Tales and Tips to Rescue Your Daughter from Date Violence and Domestic Abuse
Diane J. Peters
***
Smashwords Edition
Copyright 2016 Diane J. Peters
Smashwords Edition, License Notes
This e-book is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This e-book may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author..
Published in Canada
E-Book Layout and Design by Oak Island Publications
Smashwords
ISBN: 9781310179969
Table of Contents
Dedication
Acknowledgments
A Message to Readers
Introduction - Why this Book?
Chapter One - An Innocent Teen! My Early Story
Chapter Two - There's Method to this Madness!
Chapter Three - What's Happening in Your Daughter's School?
Chapter Four - Games Mother Never Taught You
Chapter Five - Teens Learn What They Live
Chapter Six - Be Extra Observant
Chapter Seven - Breaking Up is Hard to Do
Chapter Eight - Emotional Abuse is Depressing
Chapter Nine - My Personal Turning Point
Chapter Ten - It's Not Over until it's Over - Now it's Stalking
Chapter Eleven - Secure Your Safety
Chapter Twelve - Document, Document, Document
Chapter Thirteen - Helpers, Helpers - Who Can You Trust?
Chapter Fourteen - An Emotional Hangover
Chapter Fifteen - Moving On
Appendix One - Fundamental Relationship Rights
Appendix Two - Resources
Appendix Three - Discussion Questions
About the Author
Dedication
It has been 26 years! Yes, 26 years since my school colleague disappeared. Her body has never been found. She was subjected to domestic abuse, as I was. I survived. Yet, I think of her often and wonder if life would have been different if we had not hidden our abuse but instead reached out for help. I will never know.
It has taken many years of counselling to become whole again and so it was quite painful to write this book and recall the many terribly abusive incidents in my life. But, I had to write it. My goal since becoming a high school guidance counsellor is to help save the lives of young women who might fall for the same trap as I did.
Read my book and learn to read the signs. Read and think and pray for my colleague. This book is dedicated to her……Christine Jacks, a once vibrant speech therapist and mother of two children. She disappeared on a cold December night! She’s gone! Gone forever!
Christine, I shed many a tear for you.
Acknowledgments
I would not be alive today if not for my current husband whose great love and tenderness gave me a reason to believe there were indeed good men on this earth. I met him just two years after my divorce when I was still hurting and feeling vulnerable. Yet, he reached out to love me unconditionally. He helped me raise my children to have integrity and know the love of a father figure and to see and experience the role model of a supportive husband. He was never intimidated by my ex-husband’s stalking behavior. He never questioned the sanity of taking on a wife with PTSD and four children. I am so proud; he defines what a man should be.
I also want to acknowledge my mother, Sadie, who showed great fortitude through all my worst moments. I want to thank my sister Lynda who saved my life while putting hers in danger. During the challenges with my ex-husband, Lynda would sometimes call me three times per day to make sure I was safe.
Lynda’s husband, Jim played a huge role in my safe keeping by interacting with the police and lawyers. He was always the voice of reason while never underestimating the cunning behavior of my ex-husband turned stalker. There was many a night when my brother-in-law brought my children and I home from a family dinner and then did a thorough search of my home before allowing us into the house.
I want to thank my brother David, whom my ex-husband threatened to kill if he interfered. I also want to acknowledge my lifetime best friend, Marcia who stood by my side through thick and thin. She was not a coward like many other girlfriends who left our friendship behind. Marcia listened and comforted me through many bouts of deep depression.
A sincere thank you to Rod, a lifetime friend who never cowered when threatened by my ex-husband and never failed to comfort me and share legal advice with me. When my children were safely at school and I was so exhausted, he simply let me have a much needed nap under watchful eyes.
I'm also very grateful to Dr. John Wiens, former school superintendent and my employer during this difficult time. John understood my situation and went to great lengths to ensure my safety at work. In fact, he went beyond my circumstances and developed safe school procedures that protected the safety of everyone in all of the schools in his division.
Finally, I want to thank my book coach, Barbara J. Bowes, a successful author, news columnist, radio host and a member of the Pwnbooks alumni. Barbara was of great assistance in helping me to organize my thoughts and describe some important but painful stories. She helped to put everything into its proper context and sequence.
In spite of the fact that writing this book was so important to me, I must tell you that it was indeed a painful experience. However, my drive and dedication to help other parents rescue their daughter from date violence and domestic abuse similar to the type of trauma I experienced has propelled me to keep going. Now with the book complete, I am proud to share my story and I am confident you will learn from my experience.
On average, every six days, a woman in Canada is killed by her intimate partner.
Canadian Women’s Foundation, 2011
A Message to Readers
Parents, teens and family supporters as well as educators, shelter workers and counsellors in the field of teen date violence and domestic abuse will benefit greatly from the trials and tribulations shared by Diane J. Peters, a survivor of date violence and domestic abuse. Her book, Keep Your Daughter Safe – tales and tips to rescue her from date violence and domestic abuse is a powerful story about her own teen date violence and the nightmare of a marriage she then endured for the next 18 years.
Whereas most people do not understand domestic violence nor understand why women stay in a marriage of hell, Diane’s story and sage advice will not only help you to assist your daughter, it will help your daughter escape alive. If Diane’s intimate story can save just one life, her book will have been worth it.
Interwoven with real life experiences, Diane teaches parents of young teens how to recognize and act against the hidden patterns of early abuse, the cycle of violence, the brain washing, and the insidious manipulations of an abuser. Her advice will help to extradite your teen daughter from an unhealthy dating relationship before it’s too late.
Diane’s book, Keep Your Daughter Safe - tales and tips to rescue her from date violence and domestic abuse is a life changing book. It is a toolkit that gives insight into the workings of a teenage mind that may already be trapped into an abusive relationship. You will feel the real terror your daughter will experience should she move ahead with marriage to her abuser. You will see how her terrifying experiences can lead to health issues such as post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), clinical depression, anxiety attacks, suicide and the potential for being the victim of murder. Diane has experienced them all.
This book is a must read because Canadian statistics continue to show that half of all women in Canada have experienced at least one incident of physical or sexual violence by the age of 16. Statistics show that on average, every six days, a woman is killed by her intimate partner and on any given day in Canada, more than 3,300 women (along with their 3,000 children) are forced to sleep in an emergency shelter to escape domestic violence. Finally with domestic violence being the cause of 12% of all violent crime in Canada, this book is once again, a "must read".
Barbara J. Bowes, FCHRP, CMC, CCP, M.Ed, author and book coach
Introduction - Why This Book?
If you have picked up this book and are scanning it for content, then I can assure you that fear, worry and anxiety about your daughter has entered your life. Yes, you fear for your daughter’s safety! Somehow, things have changed. If she is a teenager, she has stopped sharing freely with you. Instead, she’s locking herself in her room. She seems anxious. If she is married with children, she seems to be isolating herself; in fact, you don’t see her much anymore. She is always too busy. Somehow, something just isn’t right.
Where is your teenage daughter