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    Choosing Healthy Sexual Boundaries: The Handbook
    Choosing Healthy Sexual Boundaries: The Handbook
    Choosing Healthy Sexual Boundaries: The Handbook
    Ebook57 pages28 minutes

    Choosing Healthy Sexual Boundaries: The Handbook

    By Tommy Jones and Bobby Schauerhamer

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    About this ebook

    In 2004, Tommy Jones and Bobby Schauerhamer began a support group called Choosing Healthy Sexual Boundaries. The purpose of the group was to help men who were struggling with selecting and maintaining good boundaries. From the success of that support group comes this handbook. The book is a compilation of tools and strategies that can help establish strong boundaries, as well as a description of group organization and function for anyone interested in forming a similar group. It includes positive choices and changes that can help inspire healthier and safer ways to meet needs. Most of the suggested strategies come from group members who have used them and found them to be effective.

    This handbook could be used by therapists as an adjunct to therapy or for suggested supplementary reading, by Probation and Parole Officers, Reintegration Agents, program staff associated with Prison-to-Community Transition services and by individuals looking for help making better and safer choices concerning their own sexuality.

    Choosing Healthy Sexual Boundaries is written in a positive and upbeat style that encourages men to take responsibility for their own behavior, and promotes development of strong well-defined boundaries as a path to meet personal needs in a safe and legal way that also helps keep our communities and individuals safe.
    LanguageEnglish
    PublishereBookIt.com
    Release dateApr 26, 2016
    ISBN9781456621506
    Choosing Healthy Sexual Boundaries: The Handbook

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      Book preview

      Choosing Healthy Sexual Boundaries - Tommy Jones

      permission.

      Introduction

      Acknowledgments

      First, Tommy would like to thank his wife, Gail, and his son, Matt, for their loyalty and support at a time of overwhelming crisis in his life. I love you both.

      Thanks, also, to the entire staff, clinical and administrative, at Project Pathfinder, Inc., (projectpathfinder.org), St. Paul, Minnesota, with special gratitude to Jannine Hebert, for fixing me when I was seriously broken, and to Warren Maas for helping to restore honor and trust to my life. The healing power of this treatment program, its staff and support people, continues to contribute immensely to the health and safety of its community.

      Thanks to my great friend and colleague, Bobby Schauerhamer, whose idea 10 years ago resulted in the wonderful group on which this book is based.

      Bobby would like to thank all of his family, friends and employers who supported him in what he does now, rather than judging him on the mistakes that he made in the past. Thanks to all of the men who have attended the Healthy Boundaries groups over the years and share their courage and wisdom. Lastly, and most importantly, I would like to thank Tommy Jones for being steady and consistent in his friendship even as I struggle to keep from falling.

      Both Tommy and Bobby would like to thank William (Liam) Dobbs for his professional design and editing work preparing this manuscript for publication.

      And, of course, thanks to the Twin Cities Men's Center (tcmc.org), Minneapolis, Minnesota, for sponsoring, supporting, and providing space for the wonderful group on which this handbook is based to live and grow.

      Preface

      Mission Statements

      The mission of Choosing Healthy Sexual Boundaries: The Support Group is to promote healthy sexual behavior among men, encourage responsible relationships, and to improve community safety through choice and maintenance of strong, well defined boundaries.

      The mission of Choosing Healthy Sexual Boundaries: The Handbook is to share the cumulative experience and wisdom of this group with a wide audience of men and women who are committed to community safety.

      Intended Audience

      When we started our support group, Choosing Healthy Sexual Boundaries, we had general ideas about our intended audience. First, we felt the need for a peer facilitated, volunteer group that men convicted of sex offenses could choose to attend voluntarily, following a treatment – aftercare regimen. That is, a mechanism that would enable and strengthen maintenance of newly acquired skills and strategies learned in treatment. It would also provide a safe, comfortable and confidential venue to discuss matters of sexuality in a nonjudgmental and supportive manner. This group, we thought, would be composed of men with child sexual abuse, indecent exposure, child pornography, and molestation convictions. Many would have received court ordered treatment through private providers, not-for-profit clinics, and some from prison programs completed while incarcerated or while engaged in civil commitment. Most would be motivated to maintain and strengthen boundaries that would preclude return to jail, prison or other forms of confinement.

      Our second target included men whose sexual choices were beginning to generate negative consequences, but who had not yet crossed the criminal justice boundary. Or more likely, men who had not yet been caught and arrested for illegal boundary transgressions. In education, this would be called Early Intervention. Early, here, would mean before going to jail. These were men cheating on wives or partners, using prostitutes, frequenting strip clubs, watching excessive pornography —including child-pornography— and engaging in unhealthy fantasy involving children and underage teens.

      The goals for this audience focused on establishing or redefining individual

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