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    Battle Hymn of the Purist
    Battle Hymn of the Purist
    Battle Hymn of the Purist
    Ebook44 pages40 minutes

    Battle Hymn of the Purist

    By Alfred D. Byrd

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    About this ebook

    English is drowning in a sea of bobbles, but some of us are willing to take up arms on the noble tongue's behalf. Bloated sentences, pointless paragraphs, grammatical solecisms of the worst sort -- these are our enemies in our struggle for concision, clarity, and content. If a thing that's worth saying is worth saying well, why do so many say things badly, yet think that they're saying them well? Maybe, you -- the proud, the few, the purists -- can convince them of the error of their ways. At least, you can be right while you're losing the fight. If you're up to it, this book describes the grammatical battlefield and equips you with weapons to keep you fighting on it. As the hordes of mediocracy assail you with windiness, irrelevancy, and pomposity, you can smite them with words that glitter like diamonds against their dullness. Even if those hordes overwhelm you, what you learn hear may help you utter deathless -- and, more importantly, grammatically correct -- last words that will tell a forgetful world, "English was a thing of beauty."

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherAlfred D. Byrd
    Release dateApr 28, 2016
    ISBN9781310798382
    Battle Hymn of the Purist
    Author

    Alfred D. Byrd

    I'm a graduate of Hazel Park High School, Hazel Park MI, and I've earned a B. S. in Medical Technology at Michigan State University and an M. S. in Microbiology at the University of Kentucky.My interests are Christian theology and history, Civil War history, science fiction, and fantasy. I've published a number of works, in prose or in epic verse, on these subjects.A number of my works are available from Amazon and other major on-line book distributors. I've also sold four short stories or novellas to science fiction or fantasy anthologies.

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      Book preview

      Battle Hymn of the Purist - Alfred D. Byrd

      BATTLE HYMN OF THE PURIST

      Alfred D. Byrd

      Copyright © 2016 Alfred D. Byrd

      Smashwords Edition

      Smashwords Edition, License Notes

      Thank you for downloading this ebook. You are welcome to share it with your friends.This book may be reproduced, copied and distributed for non-commercial purposes,provided the book remains in its complete original form. If you enjoyed this book, please return to your favorite ebook retailer to discover other works by this author. Thank you for your support.

      Photo and cover design by Alfred D. Byrd

      Table of Contents

      A SPAN OF A FEW WORDS

      PASSIVE AGGRAVATION

      IT’S ANNOYING TO BE IMPERSONAL

      DEATH TO AMPHIBOLIES!

      LOST CAUSES OF GRAMMAR-WORLD

      DEEP SECRETS OF GRAMMAR-WORLD

      EDIT YOUR WAY TO REVISIONISM

      ABOUT THE AUTHOR

      A SPAN OF A FEW WORDS

      It’s late in the day for a purist to take up arms against the sea of bobbles in which the English language is drowning (what you just read is a mixed metaphor, but Shakespeare himself committed one in Hamlet’s immortal soliloquy), but some of us enjoy a long twilight struggle, so here goes. I’ll start my campaign to save pure English usage with the ultimate purist’s ultimate dictum: William Strunk, Jr.’s, heartfelt command, Omit needless words.

      You use them all the time. There you are, in the middle of addressing your workmates, when you pop out with because of the fact that instead of a simple because. Who can blame you for being prolix? (Prolix is Fancy Talk for wordy.) If you have to give a forty-five-minute speech, and you can stick in twenty-five minutes of fluff, you need provide only twenty minutes of content. Neat trick, huh?

      Sadly, we live when just about all that we say is stored in computer memory. Do we really want to stuff that memory with fluff? Someday, the Internet will burst because we can’t be terse.

      Meanwhile, your workmates are stifling yawns as they half hear you say, It is important to note that, over the past fiscal year, our inventory has been overstocked by our speculative acquisitions, and, as a consequence of these decision processes, our income has suffered a significant downturn. Your workmates might not be snoring by now if you’d said, Recently, we bought too much stuff that we can’t sell, and, now, we’re going broke.

      I can see why you’d want to cushion the blow of a statement like that. Still, whenever you say, It’s important to note that, you’re insulting your audience’s intelligence. Your audience can decide what’s important, can’t it? Next, these decision processes equals these decisions. Also, what’s the difference between suffered a significant downturn and fallen? Besides six syllables, that is?

      I mean to do a whole chapter on what’s wrong with our inventory has been overstocked by our speculative acquisitions. Meanwhile, Strunk has preached a wonderful sermon on the text of Omit needless words in his book The Elements of Style. Get it and read it! You’ll be well on your way to becoming a purist. You’ll even learn why Strunk would’ve told me that I could’ve left out the text of.

      Say, how many of you noticed that, when I wrote in the middle of addressing your workmates, I could’ve written just addressing your workmates? Needless words will sneak in

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