You Don't Look Sick: Quick and Dirty Tips for Surviving Ulcerative Colitis: Quick and Dirty Tips for Surviving, #1
By AW Cross
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About this ebook
You've just been diagnosed with ulcerative colitis. Now what?
Being diagnosed with ulcerative colitis can be overwhelming, but it doesn't have to be. In You Don't Look Sick: Quick and Dirty Tips for Surviving Ulcerative Colitis, author and ulcerative colitis veteran AW Cross gives you a first-hand, non-medical perspective about what to expect from your illness and how to get through it with your sanity (and your favorite underwear) intact.
Through a unique blend of practicality and humor, you'll learn how to:
- Cope with the physical consequences and emotional impact of ulcerative colitis
- Pack a survival kit and leave your bathroom with confidence
- Dress, and have sex
- Deal with healthcare professionals and enjoy your stays in the hospital
- Endure poop jokes and use social media responsibly
- Put on your big boy/girl pants and deal with it
Whether you've just been diagnosed or struggled with UC for years, if you're determined not to let your illness define you, this book is for you.
If you'd rather wallow in self-pity, have no sense of humor about your illness, and hate kittens and babies, DON'T BUY THIS BOOK!
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You Don't Look Sick - AW Cross
A.W. CROSS
Glory-Box-Press-Logo(1)(1)You Don't Look Sick: Quick and Dirty Tips for Surviving Ulcerative Colitis
Copyright © 2016 by Glory Box Press
All rights reserved. No part of this document may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without prior written permission of Glory Box Press.
Requests for permission to make copies of any part of the work should be submitted to the publisher at Glory Box Press, gloryboxpress@gmail.com
Cover illustration by Peter Cross
Cover design by germancreative
Book design and production by Glory Box Press
Editing by Mia Darien
A.W. Cross
gloryboxpress@gmail.com
Printed in Canada
First Printing: May 2016
ISBN 978-0-9950991-0-4
Although the author and publisher have made every effort to ensure that the information in this book was correct at press time, the author and publisher do not assume and hereby disclaim any liability to any party for any loss, damage, or disruption caused by errors or omissions, whether such errors or omissions result from negligence, accident, or any other cause.
This book is not intended as a substitute for the medical advice of physicians. The reader should regularly consult a physician in matters relating to his/her health and particularly with respect to any symptoms that may require diagnosis or medical attention.
For all of you who live with ulcerative colitis: you’re nails.
ColonvsmallTable of Contents
CHAPTER 1
ULCERATIVE COLITIS: YOU DON'T LOOK SICK
THE DARK CLOUD
THE SILVER LINING
CHAPTER 2
I CAN'T FEEL MY FACE: PHYSICAL CONSEQUENCES OF ULCERATIVE COLITIS AND HOW TO COPE
CAN’T WAIT: ACCESS TO PUBLIC BATHROOMS
COPING WITH A FISTULA
CHAPTER 3
BE PREPARED: PLAN AHEAD
ULCERATIVE COLITIS SURVIVAL KIT
FISTULA SURVIVAL KIT
ADULT DIAPERS: NOT JUST A FETISH
CHAPTER 4
30, 000 POUNDS OF BANANAS: WHAT TO PUT IN YOUR MOUTH
DIET DOS AND DON’TS
IT’S BEETS!
BULKING (YOUR STOOL, NOT YOUR MUSCLES)
PROBIOTICS
CHAPTER 5
THE HAND THAT FEEDS: SURVIVING HEALTHCARE PROFESSIONALS
HEALTHCARE PROFESSIONALS AND ULCERATIVE COLITIS
CHAPTER 6
GET UP, STAND UP: EXERCISE AND ULCERATIVE COLITIS
EXERCISE AND ULCERATIVE COLITIS
PELVIC FLOOR EXERCISES
CHAPTER 7
LONG WAY FROM HOME: TRAVEL AND SOCIAL EVENTS
TRAVEL AND ULCERATIVE COLITIS
SOCIAL EVENTS
CHAPTER 8
SHAKE IT OUT: THE EMOTIONAL IMPACT OF ULCERATIVE COLITIS
THE EMOTIONAL IMPACT OF ULCERATIVE COLITIS AND HOW TO COPE
RELATIONSHIPS AND ULCERATIVE COLITIS
CHAPTER 9
AFTERNOON DELIGHT: SEX, PREGNANCY, AND ULCERATIVE COLITIS
SEX AND ULCERATIVE COLITIS
PREGNANCY AND ULCERATIVE COLITIS
CHAPTER 10
PAJAMAS ALL DAY: WHAT TO WEAR DURING A FLARE
FLARE FASHION DOS AND DON'TS
A WORD ABOUT ULCERATIVE COLITIS AND HAIR
TIPS FOR ULCERATIVE COLITIS AND HAIR
CHAPTER 11
ASSHOLES EVERYWHERE: THE PEOPLE YOU’LL MEET
CHAPTER 12
BITE YOUR LIP AND FAKE IT: SOCIAL MEDIA
SOCIAL MEDIA DOS AND DON’TS
CHAPTER 13
THE DRUGS DON'T WORK: A GUIDE TO BEING IN HOSPITAL
HOSPITAL SURVIVAL KIT
RULES OF HOSPITAL ETIQUETTE
HOW TO ENJOY YOUR STAY
CHAPTER 14
EYE OF THE TIGER: TOUGH LOVE RULES FOR SURVIVING ULCERATIVE COLITIS
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
APPENDIX
SURVIVAL KIT CHECKLISTS
GLOSSARY
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
PREFACE
I was diagnosed with ulcerative colitis in 2009 after a long, nearly fatal process of testing and trials. The next few years of my life were like falling through the Looking Glass as I fumbled my way through the haze of near-constant flares. I became privy to a new way of life, and I discovered previously untapped resources in myself and others: endurance, empathy, and the ability to bend so, so far without breaking.
Being able to find the humor, however black, in my condition was perhaps the greatest revelation of all. In a culture that is so impatient with chronic illness, being able to laugh at the very thing that gave me so much grief allowed me to keep what few shreds of sanity and dignity I had left.
So in 2015 (now sans colon), I joined the NaNoWriMo rebellion, and I wrote what would eventually become three books—this is the first. Writing about what I’ve learned during my illness also inspired me to found my IBD blog, screamingmeemie.com
I hope this book makes you laugh, and I hope you find it practical. Most of all, I hope it helps you realize that even though your illness may be invisible at times, you most definitely are not.
A. W. Cross, 2016
INTRODUCTION
It's just a stomach bug.
These are often the words spoken by the naïve individual just before their unstoppable descent into the bloody, excrement-filled abyss that is ulcerative colitis.
Some among us will be affected so acutely that their colons will be sliced from their bodies in a haze of morphine and lime Jell-O®, leaving them free at last from endemic attack but scarred and forever condemned to a life of inhibited flatulence. They are the lucky ones. The less fortunate will linger for years in the paralyzing clutches of the Flare, a cyclical nightmare of pain, diarrhea, and hope, with no savior but the double-edged sword of The Corticosteroid, upon which they must impale themselves without mercy.
There is no cure; even those who have had their organs excised and resectioned will bear the consequences throughout their lives. Is this affliction then an obstacle that cannot be overcome? An end to a worthy quality of life? Shall we simply give up and succumb to its insidious cruelty?
No.
Although it cannot be conquered in full, ulcerative colitis can be subdued, brought to heel, and assimilated. It can be survived, and survived with style.
That is why this book was written: to help prepare you for making ulcerative colitis your bitch. This book is not for the self-pitying, or for the determined invalid. It is for those whose illness will not define them, who laugh in the face of the colonoscope, and who realize that, even in a diaper, they're still sexy as hell.
The symptoms, diagnosis, and treatment of ulcerative colitis are not covered here—there are sufficient other resources for that. This book is about what comes after that initial attack. This is your battle plan. From this book, you will learn the basic maneuvers