Missing Destiny (A Chandler County Novel)

CHAPTER 1

She’d waited too long… She’d waited way too long… The words circled around in her mind until they were all she could focus on.

Shauna placed her hands on the basin and leaned into her reflection as she forced her mind away from the words to the list as the heat in her chest morphed into pain. Puff out one breath, inhale slowly.

Her hands gripped the sides of the sink harder as she willed her body to obey the instructions of the coping mechanism to her anxiety. Puff out one breath, inhale slowly. She brought her focus in tighter so that she looked herself in the eyes. Puff out one breath, inhale slowly, darn it! It wasn’t working. She saw the flare of desperation in her own glassy brown eyes as the vice-like grip on her lungs tightened. She couldn’t pass out. Not here. Not like this.

Puff out one breath. The darkness on the edges of her vision crept in. No, no, no. She wanted to scream. This was too important. Her partner would never forgive her. She gripped harder, locked her elbows, and closed her eyes as her knees loosened. Puff out one breath! She was almost surprised when her body listened. Inhale slowly. She wanted to slump with the relief that flooded her when she took in more air. She repeated the mantra over and over as the vice loosened its grip. She went on to the next in the succession of instructions she’d memorized as a freshman in college when she’d first developed the extreme form of anxiety. Go away. Still holding tight to the basin with one hand, she fished the wooden box out of her purse along with the pill bottle. She began again. Puff out one breath, inhale slowly. Go away to the place that calms and heals yourself.

She opened the box and set it on the sink, knowing her hands shook too hard to keep the piece of glass that lay inside safe. The picture of a hooded man slowly walking outside the gate in front of the conference window flashed through her mind causing her hands to shake so much that opening the bottle to retrieve two tablets, and get them in her mouth was a feat. She inhaled even slower and felt her heart react to the influx of oxygen. She placed the bottle back in her purse and longingly stared at the figurine of a horse snuggled in velvet. After a few more deep breaths, she reached for it and felt the deep relief wash over her on contact.

Her fingers slid along the deep grooves outlining its mane and closed her eyes. This figurine was seen better with her sense of touch. It had been blown that way on purpose. She opened her eyes and pulled it from its enclosure. Wrapping her hands around it, she was transported back to her childhood.

She leaned in closer even as she tightened her thighs. She knew they only had a few more meters to fly like this, but she’d take the mare to the very end. The rush of the wind singing in her ears and moving through her fingers that gripped the horse’s mane made her heart sing. Her heartbeat set its rhythm to an unheard tune and her breath would’ve escaped if she’d opened her mouth even just a little.

Shauna? The sound of her name brought her back to the present. The bathroom came back into focus just in time for her to see Maddison, her colleague and all-around partner in crime coming towards her. The concern clouding her features told Shauna it had taken too long to get herself under control.

You okay?

She plastered a look of confusion on her face, hoping it would throw off her too-observant friend. Yeah. Why?

She watched as Maddison slowly perused her face. Because you walked out during the question phase of our presentation and didn’t come back.

Shauna turned away from her searching eyes and placed the figurine back in the box and then everything back in her purse. The silence that followed was full of recrimination.

I thought you were ready? Maddison began saying.

I was… I am, Shauna restarted. I just… She paused. She didn’t want to think of what had started this bout. Not here. Not now. She squared her shoulders. Did you finish it?

Maddison watched her for a moment. Yes.

What did they say?

‘Stone-face’ Schuster almost cracked a smile, Maddison said as a slow grin bloomed on her face.

Really? She might get through this day after all.

Maddison nodded her head. So, are you going to tell me what happened in there?

Some of the exuberance of knowing stickler Dr. Leonard Schuster approved of their presentation dimmed in the light of knowing she’d have to relive the minutes before the telltale signs of her anxiety attack made themselves known. She looked at her watch.

How about I tell you over a celebratory cup of coffee? Shauna asked, trying to keep the pleading out of her voice.

Maddison tipped her head to the side and Shauna waited while she studied her. That bad?

Worse. It was all Shauna would say in return at the moment.

Maddison watched her for a moment longer then sighed. Well then, let’s get that celebratory cup of coffee and you can tell me all about it.

Shauna followed her friend out of the women’s restroom, knowing her friend would go ballistic when she told Maddison she’d seen her stalker.

Dr. Nathan? She closed her eyes briefly, trying to block out the stress that raced across her nerves at the voice calling her name, before turning towards the man that was still several feet down the hall.

She didn’t have enough time to think of a facial expression that would mask her fretfulness so she went for blank. Dr. Schuster. She was glad her voice didn’t waver though it was a little raspy.

She watched him take in her face and body language as he approached. He stopped abruptly, just short of normal conversational distance. You don’t look well, Dr. Nathan. Are you ill? He looked primed to retreat at her answer. Perfect.

I think I have a stomach virus. I should be just fine tomorrow. She knew she should feel bad about playing on his phobia, but she just didn’t have the mental strength to deal with his passive-aggressive tendencies right now.

Uh, well… He inched back. Since you and Dr. Bayer finished the presentation to the department’s satisfaction… He took another step back. I don’t see why you’d need to come in tomorrow. Matter of fact, why don’t you take a few days and make sure you’re fully recovered.

Shauna stared at him. She felt guilty about the pretense but was unwilling to take back her words. Okay. What did you want to talk to me about?

He looked perplexed. When?

Shauna resisted the urge to glance at Maddison for her reaction. When you called me from down the hall just now. She gestured to where he’d come from.

His eyes her hand then turned back. Oh, yes. He rolled his narrow shoulders back which made it look as though his whole body shuddered under his tan tweed jacket.

I wanted to suggest we go over the parts you missed in the presentation and how it could be more thorough in the future. Her ire went up at his words.

She’d worked tirelessly on the proposal for Synamic’s Emergency Energy Systems Department heads with Maddison. They’d spent at least a dozen hours after normal shift hours trying to go over every aspect of the plant’s propulsion system. Discussing how the energy could be shared with the new labs to bypass the main generator during storms since the pull was much more significant than originally estimated. It wouldn’t only ensure one-hundred-percent usage in the event of storms but cut energy costs.

I’m not saying it wasn’t a satisfactory job, just that some of the questions asked afterward could’ve been covered in the presentation. Either way, I could see the board’s approval on their faces. I’m sure we extended the budget for our department by proving the usefulness of our research. You can rest easy. Both of you have ensured your employment for at least another three years. He gave her a smarmy, placating smile.

Shauna was more disgusted than appeased. He was always trying to throw his weight around. She guessed he’d not yet been informed that both she and Maddison were up for promotions. She held back the smile but visibly relaxed her shoulders to make it look as though his explanation did its intended job. She was happy H.R. did all of the real hiring and firing otherwise he would be more of a tyrant to work with.

Anyway. He went on when she gave no further response. Since you aren’t well, we can reschedule it for a later date.

She nodded. Dr. Bayer and I will go over our schedules and make it our first priority when I get back.

Dr. Schuster turned to Maddison as if he’d forgotten she was there. His already thin lips pressed together to form a small line between his nose and pointy chin. Yes. I look forward to your email. Good day. He nodded his head and made a hasty retreat.

Nice job. I couldn’t have done better myself, Maddison whispered once he was well out of earshot.

Shauna quirked her lips as she looked up at her friend. Maddison was at least four inches taller than she in the high-heeled boots she wore for their presentation. She sometimes envied the woman for her confidence in her height, which topped six feet barefoot. Shauna wasn’t too far behind with her own five-foot ten-inch frame, but she often chose to lessen the effect rather than enhance it.

As she thought about it, she considered that Dr. Schuster’s obvious disdain for Maddison could stem from the fact that the woman was at least an inch taller than his lanky five-foot eleven-inch frame; in her heels, it was four or more. He always found a way to angle Shauna between them. It would’ve been amusing if he wasn’t such a bully. She actually couldn’t blame Dr. Schuster for being intimidated by Maddison. Many men were.

He wasn’t a bad-looking man if one liked the John Glover type who had a penchant for Harris tweed and khakis. Someone needed to let him know that nerds could be choosy these days. Intelligence came in all shapes, sizes, and ethnicities. It even came in mocha-colored, ebony-haired, beauties with razor wit and higher IQs than most people’s weekly food budgets, named Maddison and Shauna.

They turned and continued down the hall. What’s with him and those sports jackets with the leather at the elbow? I’m always tempted to look around for his horse. The statement pulled a surprised giggle from Shauna. She looked around to make sure all the doors off the hall were closed.

And what was that condescending mess about us ensuring our employment here? Maddison sucked her teeth and shook her head. Someone needs to save me from these short men with Napoleon complexes."

Shauna looked at her friend sideways. "He isn’t short, he’s taller than average height for a man.

Maddison sent her a bored look. He’s shorter than me.

Shauna thought it best to keep quiet about what she thought about that.

Maddison smirked and seemed to consider her for a moment. Come on. We’ve spent enough energy on him for at least a week. Let’s get that coffee so you can tell me why you were hugging the sink when I walked in on you.

Thoughts of the cause for Shauna’s panic came rushing back to her and she looked over her shoulder and to through the windows of the few rooms with their doors open.  What she had tried to write off as coincidences had just shown itself to be a whole other animal. She stepped a little closer to her friend for support and began counting down the minutes before what little freedom she’d gained was taken from her.

CHAPTER 2

You have to go to the police! Maddison stage whispered as she set her cup aside and dug in her purse.

Her friend’s voice broke into Shauna’s coffee haze, cheating her of the euphoria she’d been seeking in the smell and first foamy taste of her extra hot vanilla latte.

I don’t think it’ll do any good, Shauna said as she looked around her to make sure no one was eavesdropping on their conversation.

Why? Maddison paused in her rummaging.

Because until today I just chalked it up to coincidences and I don’t see how a report or piece of paper will keep him from coming near me when he wants, she said with an exasperated sigh. Maybe… She paused knowing what she was about to say was a long shot. Maybe he works there and if I’m just making too big a deal about this.

Look. I’ve never known you to be over-dramatic about anything. If you want to know the truth, I think you’re way too resigned. Had Shauna worked so hard to stifle her responses that she came across as uncaring about her welfare?

What did your dad say? Maddison asked.

Shauna stared into her cup as if it held the answers to the universe.

You didn’t tell him? Maddison’s voice became a little shrill. Shauna thought about shushing her but knew that would only make it worse. You said you’d tell him a couple of weeks ago!

She shrugged. He’s been busy and it’s not something I want to leave on his voicemail.

Maddison leaned in. You have a man stalking you and your father is up for a high-profile job with the CDC. What’s the hold up? I’m sure he can call in a favor and get you some security.

Shauna remained quiet. She couldn’t tell her friend that it was the same high-profile position that caused her hesitation in telling her father. During her freshman year of college, he was up for a different promotion but declined the offer after an extremely harrowing ordeal landed her in the hospital for two weeks. At first she welcomed the constant security and her father’s heavy-handed type of protection, but after a few years it became stifling and debilitating.

He’d since continued up the ladder and she’d learned how to cope with the debilitating anxiety and panic disorder, vowing that she wouldn’t put him in the position again of choosing between her and his career.

Shauna? Maddison’s insistent voice pulled her from her thoughts.

Shauna refocused on her determined expression and the shiny new phone in her hand. Oh no.

What’s it going to be?

What? she asked, stalling.

Either I call the police or your father.

Shauna relaxed. You don’t have my father’s number.

Remember Xander’s surprise party? Maddison waggled her phone from side to side. What did her father’s number have to do with her brother’s party eight months ago?

You needed me to pick him up from the airport because you were stuck in traffic with Nicolas, Maddison said as if she’d read her thought.

She squirmed at the sound of her ex-boyfriend’s name, almost taking her focus off the point her friend was making.

You gave me his number so we could find each other, she said, wiggling her eyebrows.

Shauna’s thought process splintered. The pieces were spread out all over her psyche like land mines. Not wanting to choose any line of thought, she tried to hedge. I’ll call my dad and let him know later this evening.

Maddison retrieved her phone and pressed a button. Even better; you can do it right now, she said as she placed the phone to her ear. Panic shot through Shauna at Maddison’s words and she reached for the phone, only to have it pulled out of reach when Maddison leaned back and began speaking.

Dr. Nathan? Hi, this is Maddison Bayer. I’m a friend and colleague of Shauna’s. I picked you up from the airport last year. She paused. Yes. Hello. Her voice went smooth. If Shauna wasn’t strung so tight, she might have found the thought of her friend flirting with her dad… well… nauseating.

Everything’s good. I’m calling because I’m sitting across from your daughter and she has something important to share with you. She paused and slowly stretched out the phone towards Shauna.

Shauna had a mind to just let it hang in her hand and force her to take it back. She couldn’t believe her friend would do such a thing. She took a deep breath to try to calm her heart and reached for the phone like it was a live wire.

Hoping she’d have enough breath to speak, she put the phone to her ear, bracing herself for his concern-filled voice. Weather patterns show two storms coming in from the eastern seaboard and the south… Confused, she looked at the phone as it lit up, showing that she was listening to an audio version of the Weather Channel. She blinked as she came to terms with the fact that her friend had just sent her through the emotional ringer for nothing.

She looked up at Maddison and saw her expression shift from mischievous to concern to contrite. She stood, mortified by the constriction in her throat as her overwrought emotions sought release. She loosened her purse strap from the back of her chair and turned to leave the shop.

Shauna, I’m sorry, Maddison pleaded. I didn’t mean to make you so distraught. She heard her friend call after her right before she felt her hand on her arm.

Shauna pulled back to avoid the woman’s touch so she could escape the coffee shop before the tears now clouding her vision, embarrassed her.

I just wanted to show you how easy it would be to call him and tell him what was happening.

Shauna would’ve laid into her if she thought she could deliver it without breaking down. She sent Maddison a scathing look right before walking through the door.

Shauna, please. It was a poorly executed attempt to get you to see you were over-analyzing and not acting.

Shauna stopped on her way to the parking lot and turned towards Maddison in the middle of the sidewalk. The anger that ignited in her chest, relaxed her throat muscles. Does this look like over-analyzing to you? she hissed as she pointed to her face.

Maddison had the decency to look ashamed. I didn’t know.

She interrupted her. Didn’t know what, Maddison? Didn’t know I’d be horrified by the fact that my best friend would call my dad on me? Didn’t know that I may have other reasons for not contacting my dad and scaring the mess out of him? she said, her voice growing in volume as the heat rose in her chest.

Maddison’s open mouth closed then tightened before she continued. I’m sorry that my need to make a point nearly sent you into a panic. You’re always so well controlled and focused, but I guess with your earlier bout, you’re still raw. I wasn’t thinking. I’m sorry. She reached for Shauna’s wrist, but instead of using the touch to subdue her, she rubbed her fingers along Shauna’s pulse point in a soothing gesture. She stepped close but lowered her head so their eyes were level. You need help. You have an unknown man with unknown intentions, watching and following you. You don’t know his intentions because he hasn’t approached you in a safe setting like normal people do, which means he’s unpredictable. He has been doing this for at least two weeks, which also means he’s not going anywhere.

Shauna was still angry, but what Maddison said rang true to her. She quickly wiped at the tears that had spilled over her lashes. I’m so mad at you right now.

Maddison gave her a wan smile. I know and I deserve it, but I’m scared for you. You live alone. If you think your call would scare your dad now, what do you think a call from the police would do to him?

The thought of someone getting through the security in her home made her blood run cold. Did he know where she lived? She’d only ever seen him around the market and restaurants close to her job. Maddison had finally found the right argument. If Shauna was honest with herself, she wasn’t sure just how long he’d been watching her. After years of watching over her shoulder and looking for exits as soon as she walked into an establishment she’d finally found a therapist that helped her find what he called her ‘safety net’. She was able to bring her level of awareness down to a place that diddn’t make her feel like a paranoid basket case. She was able to concentrate on the people sitting across from her in cafes now instead of wondering who’s just walked in the door.

Her father didn’t help. He had a tendency to overreact which only fed her paranoia, thus debilitating her. Maybe she had taken it too far and become too lax? She wasn’t as aware of her surroundings when she was in the midst of a project. Though it had been at least two years since her father let her last guard go she wouldn’t put it past him to have someone watch her from time to time.

The man had only caught her attention a couple of weeks back when she’d looked up from a packaged sandwich-and-salad plate in the corner market and saw him duck around the end of the aisle. She hadn’t seen his face since he wore a hood. After a minute or two of feeling watched, she left the market without buying anything. Since then, she’d only thought she’d gotten glimpses of him when she went out to lunch with co-workers. Today was the first time she’d seen him right outside of her job site’s gate. True, the conference room they used was closest to the outside gate and the wall of windows that allowed her to see out without others seeing in, made it hard to distinguish one office space from another. It was a heavily guarded industrial area. People were rarely seen walking outside of the gates or between the buildings due to the sensitivity of the plant equipment. Though he never stopped his slow stroll along the gate to the corner, the boldness of his presence was enough to throw her into a state of panic and anxiety during a presentation she’d worked on