Different

Different Copyright © 2017 by Valerie L. Gale

Published by Valerie L. Gale 2017 at Smashwords

Smashwords Edition, License Notes

This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

This book is a work of fiction. The names, characters, places, and incidents are products of the writer's imagination or have been used fictitiously and are not to be construed as real. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, actual events, locales or organizations is entirely coincidental.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced, scanned, or distributed in any manner whatsoever without written permission from the author except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

Editor Mary Yakovets

Cover design and interior formatting by Sweet N’ Spicy Design

First Edition: August 17, 2017

Randi is a young woman searching to find her identity. Feeling ostracized from family, friends, and even herself, Randi begins to unravel a multitude of complex demons that keep her from the spiritual growth she desperately needs. In the midst of her journey, Randi finds the strength to go against society’s preconceived notions of what gender is. She takes matters into her own hands and battles with her inner-self while falling in love at the same time.

This story contains a modern-day viewpoint on adolescent life that touches upon the topics of self-awareness, self-discovery, and re-creation of the individual. It emphasizes that everyone has the power within to free their spirit from life’s constraints and emerge into a unique and whole person.

To My Parents

and

Karl A. Zitzow

You never stopped believing in me, even when I did.

I feel your presence now and forever. I love and miss you!

Until we meet again, keep me close.

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

Chapter 9

Chapter 10

Chapter 11

Author's Note

Acknowledgments

About The Author

Go, Joe! Go! Great arm, Joe, Tracey screamed. Her golden locks caressed her smooth, well-defined neckline as her long, beautiful hair flowed in the wind. Randi stood in the background and watched her, trying not to be noticed. Tracey had bright blue eyes that would pierce right through you, and her big pouty lips just teased you to taste them. She was smiling from ear to ear. Her boyfriend was the quarterback of the high school football team, and Tracey was proud of his accomplishments.

Randi rolled her eyes at Tracey, clearly irritated, and turned to leave.

Randi? Randi Anderson? Is that you?

Randi knew that she needed to acknowledge her, so she turned around.

Tracey? Pushing dirt over her shoes, she was beginning to feel anxious. How are you? Randi remembered the last day they spent together as childhood best friends. Tracey had stopped by and was crying. We're moving away, and I feel like my heart is breaking. I'll miss you, Randi!

I’m ok, Tracey hesitated, sensing her anxiety. Have you been back to the old neighborhood lately? she asked, making small talk until the practice was over.

Yes, whenever I can, said Randi sadly. Those were the best days of my life.

Tracey turned and looked at her, surprised by her response. Depends on what you consider good times.

Randi looked away and took a deep breath. I mean we were close as kids, always playing kickball in the streets.

Tracey started biting her lip, not wanting to speak of her childhood. You know how things were for me growing up.

I know things were hard for you. Your father was always angry, said Randi, gently.

Tracey reached over and touched her arm. I know you understand... At that moment Joe walked up, and Tracey sighed with relief.

Joe was seventeen years old with wavy blond hair that touched the bottom of his neck, giving the appearance of a lion’s mane. His long lashes would open and close like a flower in full bloom on a warm summer’s day. His eyes danced like brown marbles when he glanced at the sun, reminiscent of two big pieces of root beer candy that lit up when the sun shined through them. As he approached the girls, sweat was forming on his well-defined biceps. Hi babe, what’s going on?

I’m talking with Randi. We grew up together. She half-turned to Randi and said, Randi, meet my boyfriend, Joe. Joe, this is Randi.

Nice to meet you. Randi stared at Joe. He was exactly the type of guy that she wished she was. Randi began to fall into her familiar black abyss. She was envious of Joe’s body and model good looks, but she was most jealous of his relationship with Tracey.

Hello, Joe said, as he turned toward Tracey. We need to get going if we’re going to make it to Ted’s party.

Oh yes, Tracey squealed. That’s right! I’ll see you later, Randi!

Randi watched them as they walked away. Hanging around Tracey felt like a beautiful sunrise; you could feel the heat on your face and then unexpectedly it'd consume you. Leaving you wanting and begging for the night to end. Randi remembered her past and how painful it was for her to relive, how Tracey’s father would always drink and would beat Tracey and her mother. She would come to Randi’s house for safety. As Randi walked home, she kicked a rock thinking. What does it matter anyway? Tracey will never understand how I feel. No one does, not even me.

The lights to Randi's house illuminated the wet grass in the yard as she approached. She didn't want to wake her parents, so she climbed in her window, changed into her night clothes, and crawled into bed. A tear fell down her cheek and onto her pillow as she drifted off.

Sunlight crept through Randi’s window and woke her up suddenly. I hope that I get to see Tracey. As she stared into space, everything became clear and fresh. Randi realized how much she wanted to be wrapped up into Tracey; begging for air and freedom from her grasp. Then her mother’s voice ruptured her eardrums.

Randi! Rick is here.

Rick was Randi’s best friend. He had a petite frame, at times giving him the appearance of a female. His bright red hair was hard to miss along with his big freckles.

Will you be home for dinner?

Yes. Love you, Randi called as she hurried out the door.

Love you, too, her mother replied.

Randi was glad to get out of there; her mom always became angry with her masculine choice of clothes. Randi had shoulder length brown curly hair, green emerald eyes, and a stocky, athletic body. She had always wanted to look like a medieval warrior.

Hey, should we stop and get breakfast before school? Rick asked, his red hair glowing in the sunlight and bouncing off the freckles on his feminine face.

No, I'm fine. Randi started messing with her ball cap and tucked her muscle shirt in her jeans.

So how is school going for you? All I know is that I hate it! complained Rick as they climbed into his car.

Well, I ran into an old friend from the block, Tracey, and she looked so beautiful, said Randi dreamily.

Tell me about her. I remember you talking about her. How did it feel to see her again?

Randi knew that Rick understood her more than anyone, but today she wanted to keep her feelings to herself. It was ok, I guess.

Just ok? Come on, Randi. I know better.

I'd like to hang out with her, but she's too wrapped up in her boyfriend. Randi rolled her eyes, feeling annoyed. Tracey had forgotten how close we were as kids, how she used to run over to my house when her dad would start in on her and her mom. She didn't realize that I was the one that was there for her. Randi took a deep breath and began to bite her lip. Tracey doesn't need me now. She has Joe. I wish she knew how I felt. Randi struggled to hold back the tears.

Rick nodded his head, understanding her pain as she trembled like a leaf on a windy day. I know you've struggled with your feelings. He put his hand on her shoulder. Listen, Randi, you see I'm your friend. I'm concerned for you, I hope you understand that. I think Tracey just doesn't feel the same way you do.

Randi looked out the window and pretended not to listen to Rick. As Rick pulled into the school parking lot, she looked around to see if Tracey was anywhere in sight. Rick, I know you’re my friend. Tracey and I shared some intense feelings together. We’ve been through a lot, she sighed. I need to get to class. She grabbed her things and got out of the car in a rush needing to be alone. I’ll see you after school. Rick watched her leave, worried about her, but he knew if he kept pressuring her Randi would shut down.

Randi walked away and headed towards the school. Rick is right, but I can’t help my feelings, she thought to herself. I wish that my dreams would be my reality. She moved from class to class, lost in her own thoughts. Randi sat down in a chair and waited for the bell to ring.

Tracey floated into the classroom at the last minute, seemingly without a care in the world. She sat across from Randi and tried to fix her hair playfully. Hey Randi, how are you?

Randi tried not to stare at Tracey and ended up looking down at the floor. I’m ok, I guess. Randi was surprised to see her in class. This was an advanced history class, and Tracey didn’t like to study. How are you? Randi hoped her response wouldn’t have anything to do with Joe.

"I’m doing great! Joe asked me to attend homecoming with him. There is so much to do. I can’t wait!’’

Randi spoke with sarcasm in her voice. I'm sure you'll have fun.

Are you going with someone? I know! Why don’t you and Rick go together? Tracey was almost taunting her, already knowing the answer.

Randi looked at Tracey in disbelief. "I don’t think that’ll work. In fact, I know it won’t. Why would you even say that? You know Rick’s gay. He’s just my friend.’’

"That doesn’t mean you can’t go together. Besides, Randi, you could always change his mind.’’ Tracey winked at Randi and touched her arm.

Randi couldn’t believe what she was hearing. "I’m not interested in Rick like that.’’

"Well, who are you interested in?’’ Tracey stared right through Randi.

I don't know. The class is starting, we can talk later.

Tracey looked away from her.

Randi tried to pay attention, but soon she was fantasizing; she knew who she wanted to take to the dance. Randi turned toward Tracey and took a deep breath. Things are not as easy for me as they are for you, she whispered. I have to keep my feelings bottled up.

Tracey looked surprised for a moment but recovered quickly. I'm having a slumber party this weekend. Do you want to come? It’ll be fun.

Randi absolutely wanted to come, but she knew how shallow Tracey's friends were. I don't know, Tracey. I don't really fit in with your buddies.

You can hang with me. She winked at Randi, almost flirting and smiling.

Randi had a lump in her throat; she couldn’t help but be in awe of Tracey. Just her presence was intoxicating. I’ll try. The bell rang, and she rushed out of class to meet Rick, glad to get away. Tracey made her head