Faking The O: Re-entering the Dating Circle
By Jenna Leigh
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About this ebook
If so, Faking the "O" will help you navigate through the pitfalls of the dating scene. You'll learn how to identify the guys to drop after the first date, the ones who should have a second chance, and the ones who might just be your next serious relationship.
Faking the "O" is sprinkled with laughter, tears, and experience, that will help you relate to, and learn from, different dating scenarios.
Faking the "O" will make you laugh, cringe, and maybe even curse out loud!
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Faking The O - Jenna Leigh
This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, and incidents have been changed to protect the privacy of the individual. The stories are either the products of the author’s imagination, used in a fictitious manner, or loosely based on actual events.
This information in this book represents the view of the author. The author reserves the rights to change opinions based on new information. The material is general dating advice and is not intended to be a substitute for medical advice or counseling.
The images, quotes, and photography, posted in this book are for informational and viewing purposes only. Some photographs and quotes are not my own. If you see something that is not properly credited and belongs to you please contact me and I will gladly provide proper credit or remove it. No copyright infringement is intended.
Faking The O: Re-entering the Dating Circle
Published by Gatekeeper Press
3971 Hoover Rd. Suite 77
Columbus, OH 43123-2839
www.GatekeeperPress.com
Copyright © 2017 by Jenna Leigh
All rights reserved. Neither this book, nor any parts within it may be sold or reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means, including information storage and retrieval systems without permission in writing from the author. The only exception is by a reviewer, who may quote short excerpts in a review.
ISBN: 9781619847996
eISBN: 9781619847989
Printed in the United States of America
A
cknowledgements
Special thanks to Nikki K. for inspiring me to write this book.
And a special thanks to Carmen for giving me most the advice I share with you in this book. Advice that she reiterated over and over to me until I listened, which was not in a timely manner, but is more appreciated than she knows.
Special thanks for stolen excerpts from Lisa, Nikki D., Grant, Cisco, Lara, Bridget, Nancy, Benny, Brad, Tev, Brooke, Gayle, Tamar, Steph, Debbie, Kim, Carolyn, Connie, Carmen, Nikki K., Shannon and many, many others, whose stories and advice I have meshed into my own.
Thanks to all of you and everyone else for lending me their stories, letting me steal their advice and helping me pull my head out of my ass and putting up with me during my dating period.
Contents
Chapter 1 Welcome to Dating – Take Two
Chapter 2 Words of Advice
Chapter 3 Losing the Va-Va-Voom in Marriage
Chapter 4 What Makes a Marriage Fail
Chapter 5 Dating Purgatory
Chapter 6 The Rebound
Chapter 7 The One Who Got Away
Chapter 8 The Player
Chapter 9 Plan B
Chapter 10 The Douchebag
Chapter 11 The Boy Toy
Chapter 12 The One-Night Stand
Chapter 13 The Booty Call
Chapter 14 The Long Distance Date
Chapter 15 The Guy with No Time
Chapter 16 The Stalker
Chapter 17 The Fetish Guy
Chapter 18 The Friend Zone
Chapter 19 The Cougar: Dating 30-year Olds
Chapter 20 Dating 40-somethings
Chapter 21 Dating Over the Hill
Chapter 22 Letting go of Mr. Wrong
ORIGINAL POEMS by Jenna Leigh
Chapter 23 Rules of Dating
Chapter 24 Binge Dating
Chapter 25 Dating Theories
Chapter 26 Texting
Chapter 27 Drinking and the Truth Serum
Chapter 28 Social Media
Chapter 29 Tinder and Dating Apps
Chapter 30 Let’s Talk About Sex Baby!
Chapter 31 Balls and Condoms and STDS, Oh My!
Chapter 32 Faking the O
Chapter 33 Avoiding the Same Mistakes
Chapter 34 Keeping Your Options Open
Chapter 35 Moving Forward
Chapter 36 Meeting Mr. Right
Chapter 37 The End
About the Author
Foreword
This book was going to be about advice for dating after a breakup or divorce. But then I realized I had no advice to give. I have a hard time taking anyone else’s advice, never less my own.
I’m an askhole
, by definition. I’m a friend who always solicits your advice, but does exactly the opposite.
So this instead, is going to be a compilation of stories. Please recognize that some stories are mine, some are from others, some are fictitious, but for the purposes of this book, they are all written in first person. Some of the words of advice are from me and some were given to me from a variety of sources. But just know that some of the deep and dirty shit are really stories that I have stolen from my slutty friends. (You know who you are).
But I am writing them as if they were from my perspective. Just a disclaimer… so at the end, you don’t think I was the slut. I’m going to divulge some serious shit to you in this book. You know that secret that you have that you can never tell anyone? Not even to your family or a stranger or the person you really want to tell? Secrets that only you and maybe that one other person know. Secrets that every once in a while, when you think of them, they make you laugh out loud, or smirk for no reason? You know what I’m talking about.
So, take it for what it is worth. It’s going to be truthful, it’s going to be funny and sad, but most of all it’s going to make you realize we’re all going through the same stages.
Keep what is useful and what resonates with you. If nothing else, I hope you find it entertaining.
Chapter 1
Welcome to Dating – Take Two
So you’re probably reading this because you’re out in the dating world again, to play this game, one more round.
After a breakup or ending a relationship, when you’ve decided you’re ready to go back out into the market, there’s going to be a series of stages you go through and stereotypical people you will encounter along the way.
I believe there are certain traits/characteristics of dating that we all have to go through in order to find the outcome that we want. Whatever that outcome may be, it will be different for each person.
No one wants to be alone. Everyone wants to be loved and appreciated and wanted. Maybe you want to marry again. Maybe you want to meet someone you can share your life with or maybe you want to redefine yourself. It may be about taking a step back to remember who you once were, or it may be about becoming someone new.
On the way to finding exactly what it is you think you’re looking for, you may find that it isn’t at all what you started to seek. It may morph along the way and that’s okay, too. That’s the thing about life... and relationships. They are constantly evolving and changing. Change can be scary, but you know, the great thing, is that change can be so constant you don’t even feel the difference until there is one. It can be so slow that you don’t even notice that your life is better or worse until it is. Or it can just blow you away, making you feel something different in an instant. Change is just that. Not good or bad, just different.
Be courageous. The feeling of this newness and uncertainty will pass and you’ll be at peace with yourself, knowing that you made the right decision. That will bring you the peace and joy you need and you’ll be open to new possibilities.
I think what screws us up, is that we have a picture of how life is supposed to be. But as philosopher Albert Schweitzer said, Eventually all the pieces will fall into place. Until then, laugh at the confusion, live for the moment, and know that everything happens for a reason.
Chapter 2
Words of Advice
If you haven’t listened to the lyrics to Baz Luhrman’s Wear Sunscreen stop reading right now and google it. Listen to the words.
I listen to this song at least once a month. It’s a good song to ground yourself and to remind you of what’s important. It’s a great, great song. So, stop now and listen.
Matthew Hussey explains in an eye-opening way in Get the Guy, about the time we have left on earth. He says, "Let’s assume we have seventy-five years on this earth. Then subtract all the following elements:
The time in our life already gone, sleeping hours, working hours, time spent on all the chores we can’t avoid, and our end years when we may not be fit enough to do the things of our choice."
When you take all the factors into account, we have a small percentage of total time left in which to do all the things we really want.
It reiterates to me that you should have fun with today. You never get today back, so be in the moment. Don’t think ahead or behind or what anyone else is doing. You never get today back tomorrow. What matters most in life is not what happens to you, but how you remember it and what you take away from it.
As we go down this path called life, we will be faced with signs and tests. Which brings me to the question: Is something a sign or a test?
A sign is something that you feel compels you and a test makes you persevere to get the end result, but how do you know if it’s a sign or a test? This is a decision only you can make. And you won’t know the outcome until the decision has been made.
In my mind, I always overlook the signs and make everything a