The Faith We Profess

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DR. CHRIS JOHNSON, FROM THE tender age of 8 had become fascinated with the catholic faith. Perhaps she was born with the gene VMAT2 more developed than others. She seemed to be destined to question the universe.

Her fascination with the faith was a legacy from her mother, a devout catholic, raised by nuns in a convent. Chris’s mom punctuated her sentences with the expression God willing. Everything she said ended up with God willing.

•    Mom, are you going to the store today?

•    Yes, honey. God willing

•    What happens if God does not will it?

•    Well, then I won’t go.

Chris grew up in a small town in the country of Brazil, in Latin America, surrounded by cousins, aunts and uncles who spoke like that. In that environment, she learned to develop a relationship with a living God. It was easy to have faith in God when everyone was talking to God and about God, as you are growing up.

•    Why do we have to say God willing as if it is a period at the end of a sentence? Chris asked her mother.

•    Because everything we do is the will of God, and only when God wills, things happen, her mother said.

Chris was the second of nine children in a large, extended family. That made her second in everything. Her birthday was after her sister’s; her graduation was after her sister’s, even when receiving gifts such as a wristwatch, which the children got only after they learned how to tell time, (and in those days there were no digitals) hers was after her sister’s… but not her first communion. That she maneuvered to do with her sister, after a lot of crying and the especial intercession of Father Pedro, the town priest she had befriended. Fr. Pedro was so impressed with Chris’s persistence in questioning about the will of God that he decided to prepare her for the sacrament. She took her first communion at the age of five, when most catholic children took theirs at the age of seven, in those days. Now Catholic children take their First Communion at the age of ten in the States and at 14 in Brazil.

What is the will of God? Chris asked her mother, her teachers, her friends, her priests, everyone she thought could help her. Nobody could give her a satisfying answer. How do I know if I am doing the will of God? How do I know what the will of God is for me?

She wanted to know many things about her mother’s faith. She wanted to believe what her mother was teaching her. She wanted to believe in that almighty God who can will humans to create humanity. What an idea! How fascinating! Life is already planned because it has a purpose. All things happening on earth are connected to a higher order and reason. How interesting! She wanted to believe, as her mother did, that all was written. Chris’s mother would tell her at bedtime that one’s destiny is decided even before one is born.

•    Even before you were born, when you were just a twinkle in my eye, and a desire in my heart, God had you in the palm of his hand. Before you were born, God told you everything you needed to know about yourself and your mission on earth.

•    If God told me everything I need to know about my life, how come I don’t know? Asked Chris with disappointment.

•    Well, we don’t really remember anything God tells us before we are born. He does not want us to remember all of that. (Her mother talked about God as if God were a man.)

•    How come?

•    Do you see this little dimple right here over your lip, right under your nose? (Her mother spoke as she caressed Chris’s upper lip in a loving way.) See, we all have this? Do you know why? (She asked more as a rhetorical question.)

•    Yes, that is for the stuff from our nose not to run into our mouth, yuck! Chris responded with disgust.

•    Well, another guess?

•    To make us look cute?

•    Maybe! After God told us everything about ourselves, he placed his finger over our lips so we could seal a promise so we would not talk to anyone about any of what we had learned before we were born. God made us forget everything. This little dimple is to remind us that our destiny belongs to him.

•    Wow!

•    He placed his finger over our lips so we would not be able to translate our destiny into spoken words. He made the gesture to silence us about what we had learned. That is why we still put our index finger over our lips when we want people to be quiet and silent.

•    Oh! That is interesting. Is it true? Can I tell it to my friends? I bet you nobody knows that.

•    You can, but they may not believe you, if their mothers have not told them.

•    Huh!

•    We have in our hearts what we have to do, but we do not remember anything … so we can’t say anything.

•    How do we know then what we have to do? Chris asked insistently, almost impatiently.

•    We have to relearn everything after we are born.

•    But, how do we do that?

•    By thinking about it, by praying, and especially by asking God to remind us. We learn about that little by little.

•    Wouldn’t it be much simpler if we remembered everything and not have to worry? Wouldn’t that be less trouble for God not to have all these people constantly asking what they have to do? How can God remember everything everyone needs to do?

•    God does not get tired. God is omniscient. He knows everything. That is not a problem for him, at all. God is also omnipotent. He is all power. He can do whatever he wants. He is more than Superman

•    Why didn’t he do it then?

•    Do what?

•    Let us remember what he told us.

•    God did that for us. Imagine how life would be if we knew everything that was going to happen to us before it did? Wouldn’t that be a boring life?

•    Oh! I don’t know about that!

•    Think about it. It is the surprise that makes life fun. It is not knowing that makes one day different from the other. Imagine if you got up in the morning knowing exactly how you were going to spend your whole day! Wouldn’t that be boring?

•    No, not really…

•    How about if you knew which Christmas gifts you were going to get, not only this Christmas, but also all Christmases of your entire life?

•    Well, yes, I guess you are right, then. Life would not be fun.

•    When children are little, their parents have an idea of how they want their lives to be, but they don’t go on telling them everything from beginning to end. They wait until their children are ready and learn a little bit at the time.

•    I see.

•    Little children could not understand all at once, right? God teach us like that. He did not want us to remember everything because he knew we could not understand. He planned and prepared everything and placed a mission in each of our hearts to weave together the fabric of humanity,

•    If God already wrote all that is going to happen to us, then why worry about anything at all?

•    You got it. That is what God wants. He does not want us to worry about anything. God wants us to be happy.

•    Then can we just do whatever we want, and not worry about the will of God and be happy? Maybe not doing anything is the will of God for us.

•    Well, in a way, it may be. God does not want us to worry about anything. God wants us to be happy. That is how we should live our lives. We should ask, and wait patiently for things to happen.

•    Huh? But, why then people are unhappy and cry?

•    The problem is that sometimes we do not behave the way God wants us to behave.

•    Why don’t we, if God created us to be like that?

•    Because we don’t always do what God wants us to do?

•    Why not?

•    Because we want to do our own thing, and we can, because God gave us free will. Sometimes we make mistakes because we do not listen to God or we don’t take the time to listen to God.

•    Why not?

•    Because children are like that. I am your mother. I created you. I know what is best for you, I tell you, but you don’t always do everything I tell you, do you?

•    Nope.

•    That is the same thing we do with God who created us. We don’t listen, and that sometimes gets us into trouble, because when we are not connected to that master plan God has made for us we are unhappy. Just like that day you were playing in the hammock. Remember? I told you not to play that way. You continued going very high. Then you fell down and broke your arm. Remember?

•    Huh, huh!

•    That is how we do with God too.

•    So, for us to be happy, we need to do the will of God?

•    Yes, that is right.

•    But, how can we do it if we do not know what that is!

•    Yes, that is a problem, isn’t it?

•    Yep! That sounds like a puzzle. We are not happy if we don’t do the will of God, but again, we don’t know what the will of God is!

•    Yes, it is a bit complicated.

•    So, all the unhappy people in the world are not doing the will of God?

•    Well is not that simple. Sometimes God allows us to be unhappy as part of the plan too.

•    Now you are getting me all confused.

•    The unhappiness we feel might be part of the learning about the will of God for us. Sometimes it is when we are unhappy that we take the time to pray and talk to God. All right, that is enough questions for today. Let me tuck you in and turn off the lights. I don’t want you to be late for school tomorrow. Let’s pray.

•    God of love, of mercy, of compassion, we ask you forgiveness for the times we have not loved, as we should. We thank you for everything you give us. We thank you for our ability to see, to hear, to understand, to choose, to discern. We thank you for our ability to love, and we ask you to help us learn to love one another each day more. I love you, good night.

•    Good night, Mom

Bedtime was Chris’ most awake time. She never wanted to go to sleep, and if it were up to her, she would converse all night. Her mother knew that and used that time to teach her about things she usually did not learn during the day at school or with her friends.

Chris was confused, but she wanted to believe all of that. She wanted to believe that to conquer happiness and joy. She must find out that which would bring her closer to her destiny. She decided that night that she was going find out what God wanted for her. She wanted to know what God had placed in her heart. She wanted to be happy. She did not want be unhappy like Aunt Selma who was always complaining about everything. She did not want to be like Grandpa, an old grumpy man, who liked to pull her hair for no reason at all, just to be mean. Aunt Selma and Grandpa Paulo were the two least favorite people in the family. Nobody liked them. Chris knew that. She overheard conversations of members of the family. They did not openly say anything in front of the children, but Chris knew that Aunt Selma was annoying and Grandpa Paulo was an ogre. She did not want to be like them. She wanted to be like her mother, a kind sweet lady, who liked everyone and was liked by everyone.

Although Chris heard from her mother that the human journey on earth is to be a pleasant one if people listen to God, she could not understand that people could also suffer as part of this grand master plan. Maybe that is why people say that life is not fair.

Chris struggled with great matters of consequence for a long time during her growing years. Does this predestination mean that one should just do nothing, and wait patiently for inspiration and revelation wherever and whenever that might occur? It sounded more like an excuse for not doing anything. If people’s destiny is traced and already imprinted in the heart and soul of humanity, why then make any decisions at all? Why not let God work God’s way and wait, perhaps in a nice comfortable place, doing what Chris liked best, writing and drawing until late hours of the night? Would this be an acceptable place for God’s revelation?

Chris didn’t want to make light of this thought. She truly wanted to know. She wanted to find peace, the kind of peace she had learned Father Pedro preach. The kind of peace her mother had,