Kara's Courage: A Nurse's Story of Her Child's Experience with Cancer Viewed from "The Other Side of the Stretcher"

Kara’s Courage

A nurse’s story of her child’s experience with cancer viewed from the other side of the stretcher

By

Kay M. Wagner, RN, BSN, CTM

This book is a work of non-fiction. Unless otherwise noted, the author and the publisher make no explicit guarantees as to the accuracy of the information contained in this book and in some cases, names of people and places have been altered to protect their privacy.

© 2005 Kay M. Wagner, RN, BSN, CTM. All Rights Reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any means without the written permission of the author.

First published by AuthorHouse 02/18/05

ISBN: 1-4208-1332-3 (sc)

ISBN: 9781463455057 (ebk)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2005900818

Printed in the United States of America

Bloomington, Indiana

Contents

ANGELS

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

ONE

Forever Changed

TWO

Looking Back

THREE

What a Year!

FOUR

The Trials and Tribulations of Toddlerhood

FIVE

Preschool Blues

SIX

Elementary My Dear

SEVEN

Junior High Jitters

EIGHT

Queen Kara

NINE

Decision Dilemmas

TEN

A Twisted Turn

ELEVEN

A Time of Truth

TWELVE

Truly Intensive Care

THIRTEEN

Moving Forward

FOURTEEN

Home Sweet Home

FIFTEEN

A New November!

SIXTEEN

Further Questions and Future Plans

SEVENTEEN

Fearless Fifteen

AFTERWORD

RESOURCES

About The Author

In Loving Memory of James R. Wlodarz Jr.

March 29, 1961-July 8, 1981

ANGELS

Angels are the guardians of hope and wonder, the keepers of magic and dreams. Angels watch over you wherever you go, keeping each day perfect and promising a bright new tomorrow. Wherever there is love, an angel is flying by. Your guardian angel knows you inside and out and loves you just the way you are. Angels keep it simple and always travel light. Remember to leave space in your relationships so the angels have room to play. Your guardian angel helps you find a place when you feel there is no place to go. Whenever you feel lonely, a special angel drops in for tea. Angels are with you every step of the way and help you soar with amazing grace. After all, we are angels in training; all we have to do is spread our wings and fly.

Author Unknown

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

This book is dedicated to all those in the world who are faced with the uncertainties and fears of cancer, to the loved ones who support them in their journeys, and to the medical professionals who bring rest to the weary. For those specifically whose healing touch or comforting words became a part of our hope and survival, you all know who you are - a warm meal, a caring note, a generous gift, or a moment of prayer. I would love to name each of you individually, but the list is much too long. Just know that I give my heartfelt thanks and that you will never be forgotten. To past audience members who made it possible to present on the topics of humor and health as well as personal and professional growth during times I needed it most, your positive feedback and encouraging stories kept me going. To my friends Elaine Hunyadi, Erika Frederick, and Susan Tyler, who spent countless hours editing my manuscript before publication. They made certain I wasn’t ending a sentence with a preposition, that I continued writing in the same person, and made suggestions when I began to write like I speak, which is fast, rambling and sometimes disassociated. To all of our family and friends who were there for us when we needed them most, the sudden drives up north, the cancelled vacations and lost hours of work were deeply appreciated, more than you will ever know. To my husband Jeff, the love of my life and my best friend, who has been my rock and foundation throughout our marriage, your knowledge, wisdom, and silently stoic heroism will remain with me forever. To our two youngest daughters Lauren and Brooke, whose curiosity, unselfishness, and understanding go far beyond their years. And to Kara, our oldest daughter, who has taught many of us the way to live life in the truest sense: with wonder and awe, with a smile on your face, and with an inner strength and peace supported from a strong sense of faith.

This is a book about Kara’s experiences with cancer, which although brief, were extremely life changing. It is a true story of her outlook on life, her courage, and the lessons she teaches those fortunate enough to have experienced her free spirit and positive attitude. This is her story as I experienced it with her - first and foremost, as a mother, and secondly, as a nurse from the other side of the stretcher.

ONE

Forever Changed

"The hardships of life

are sent not by an unkind destiny to crush,

but to challenge."

Sam E. Roberts

It was an ordinary Wednesday morning at the Wagner household: busy, crazy, and rushed. After getting all three girls off to school that morning, there was little time for rest. As soon as 2:35 p.m. rolled around, the hustle began again with schoolwork, soccer practices, dance, and piano lessons. Working on a per diem basis for our local hospital allowed me some flexibility in my schedule to choose days that fit the family’s schedule. When I wasn’t at work, my other job was most importantly being a mom as well as running a full-time shuttle service for the girls and their friends at their every beck and call!

This was our first year having all three girls at different schools. Brooke was a fourth-grader in elementary school, Lauren was a sixth-grader in junior high, and Kara was a freshman in high school. We had already experienced the elementary and junior high school years as parents, yet with high school came new endeavors and some uncertainties. We weren’t quite sure what to expect. It’s hard to prepare yourself for something you’ve never yet experienced as a parent. With the first, it’s always trial and error, learning from your mistakes. From personal experience as a teenager myself years ago, I knew that it was a time of new growth, experimentation, peer pressure, and choices with which parents may or may not always agree. It’s a time when you give your child the freedom to spread her wings to further develop her independence, a difficult yet healthy and natural process.

That afternoon began like any other. I began by picking up Kara from school just up the road. This day, however, soon became far from ordinary. When I picked up Kara on this particular day, I immediately noticed something different about her. She walked out with her usual smile and giggle, but it struck me as odd that she was laughing in a strange way. She didn’t seem like herself. Oddly, Kara was having a difficult time finding the right words when speaking. Although we joked with her about this at times, on this day it seemed peculiar. I remember asking Kara, What’s wrong with you? You’re acting so strangely. Did someone slip you something in school? Did you drink from someone else’s cup at lunch? At first I thought she was on drugs. I tried to find out if she had been the victim of teenage foul play, if someone had possibly slipped her something. I don’t want to sound like a neurotic parent or someone who thinks that drugs and alcohol are the only things happening at the high school level, but I am a realist, and I know that it’s always a possibility.

I didn’t know what to think about this drastic change in Kara’s behavior, but I knew it wasn’t quite right. She began to get frustrated when trying to ask me a question. She kept asking, Did you pick? Mom, did you pick, you know? No, I didn’t know, and the more confused I got, the more frustrated she became. She, too began to realize that she wasn’t making sense. By the time we returned home, I was able to understand that Kara was asking whether or not I had picked up her homecoming pictures from the previous weekend.

Homecoming took place just four days earlier, and Kara had the time of her life at her first formal dance. It was hard to believe that my husband Jeff and I were at this stage in our lives, making decisions regarding the dating scene. Call us old-fashioned, but we still believed that the magical number of sixteen was a more appropriate age for dating. By that time, teenagers are driving on their own, so it becomes a bit more difficult to monitor their extracurricular activities. We struggled with our freshman daughter going to such an elaborate event, yet our decision was made easier as Kara chose to go with a large group of boys and girls rather than to have a date.

By the time we returned home, her speech had improved, but she then started complaining of a headache and had a bout of vomiting. She felt better after throwing up, as many of us do, and decided to get some rest. I was anxious to talk to Jeff when he got home from work. However, I did not feel the need to bother him with symptoms that I believed may have been caused by a severe migraine. After a couple hours of sleep, Kara appeared perfectly normal and joined the rest of the family downstairs for dinner. Jeff and I agreed that without any further symptoms, and with Kara’s reassurance that she was feeling better, there was no need to take her to the emergency room.

The following day, I was scheduled to do some recruiting at a local nursing college. As I was preparing to leave the house, I heard a series of loud banging noises that abruptly ended in one loud thump. Kara had fallen down a flight of stairs. Jeff had awakened Kara at 5:15 a.m. to study, since she wasn’t up to it the night before. After a quick assessment of the situation, we decided she had tripped on her bulky leopard-print slippers, even though she couldn’t remember being at the top of the stairs, or at the bottom! I have been a registered nurse since 1985, and most of my professional years have been spent in critical care settings – half of those years in a Neuro-Intensive Care Unit¹ in Toledo, Ohio. One would think this neuro nurse would pick up on some of these classic signs of a potential neurological problem? But instead I evaluated Kara as a mom and thought that, although these symptoms could be considered red flags and could be indicative of a neurological complication, with her improvement there was no need to overreact and rush her to the ER. I thought it was probably just a result of Kara’s normal clumsiness.

Jeff and I decided to let Kara stay home from school and rest while he went to work and I made my trip to the local college. We wanted to continue with our daily schedules to maintain a sense of normalcy. I made my visit to the college without