Mom Up: Thriving with Grace in the Chaos of Motherhood

What people are saying about …

Mom Up

"Mom Up will empower you to fulfill God’s plan for motherhood by standing on the unshakable foundation of His Word. Kara-Kae delivers truth, wisdom, and, most importantly, the permission every mom needs to reject what the world says, claim ownership over her calling, and declare victory in Christ."

Erin Weidemann, founder and creator of Bible Belles, and host of Heroes for Her podcast

"Kara-Kae addresses the felt need tensions that every mom feels at some point—feelings of isolation, guilt, fear, and exhaustion. She raises those tensions out of personal experience and meets them with the grace that she has experienced. In Mom Up, women will find rest in the chaos, joy in the mundane, and a friend in the trenches."

Sarah Bragg, host of the Surviving Sarah and Are My Kids on Track podcasts, and author of Body. Beauty. Boys.

"Parenting is an adventure! You need a friend like Kara-Kae, who gets both the joys of parenting and how hard some seasons of motherhood can be. She knows how to move beyond just surviving the seasons and how to reach out to God for strength. In Mom Up, she’ll take you by the hand and help you thrive in it all."

Alli Worthington, speaker and author of The Year of Living Happy

Kara-Kae James has a marvelous gift. She understands exactly where you are—the loneliness, the guilt, the unrelenting pace of motherhood—but she refuses to leave you there. Somehow, Kara-Kae calls mothers into a bigger and fuller vision of motherhood, without loading us down with more to-do’s. Instead, you will open this book and feel lighter.

Sharon Hodde Miller, author of Free of Me: Why Life Is Better When It’s Not about You

"I’m not one to quickly pick up a book about motherhood out of fear of feeling like a failure as I turn the pages. But, because I know Kara-Kae’s heart, I knew the words of Mom Up would be a sweet balm to my soul. Filled with grace and very practical tools, this book both encourages and challenges us to live and thrive in our God-given calling of motherhood. You will find a new friend in Kara-Kae and do fist bumps and praise hands as you read this book."

Sarah Martin, speaker and author of Just RISE UP!: A Call to Make Jesus Famous

The holy (and hard!) role of motherhood can mess with our heads. If we don’t have a solid grasp on our identity in Christ, our job is that MUCH harder. Kara-Kae has created an engaging, honest resource that moms need to read.

Emily Thomas, host of Struggle Well Project podcast

"Weary mom, in the pages of Mom Up you will find the truth-based pep talk you need from fellow journeyer Kara-Kae. Like an older sister, Kara-Kae understands your challenges while she gently points to a better way. Inviting you to be the version of a mom God equips you to be."

Heather MacFadyen, host of Don’t Mom Alone podcast

"In a world full of mom-shaming, Kara-Kae is a strong and compassionate voice of hope. Mom Up reminds the most discouraged of us that we are enough for our kids—especially when we find our hope in Christ. I would urge every mom to sit with Kara-Kae and let her encourage you in the beautiful, chaotic, wonderful calling of motherhood."

Lori Wilhite, founder of Leading and Loving It, and author of My Name Is Victorious

MOM UP

Published by David C Cook

4050 Lee Vance Drive

Colorado Springs, CO 80918 U.S.A.

Integrity Music Limited, a Division of David C Cook

Eastbourne, East Sussex BN23 6NT, England

The graphic circle C logo is a registered trademark of David C Cook.

All rights reserved. Except for brief excerpts for review purposes,

no part of this book may be reproduced or used in any form

without written permission from the publisher.

The website addresses recommended throughout this book are offered as a resource to you. These websites are not intended in any way to be or imply an endorsement on the part of David C Cook, nor do we vouch for their content.

Details in some stories have been changed to protect the identities of the persons involved.

Unless otherwise noted, all Scripture quotations are taken from the Christian Standard Bible®, Copyright © 2017 by Holman Bible Publishers. Used by permission. Christian Standard Bible® and CSB® are federally registered trademarks of Holman Bible Publishers. Scripture quotations marked

ESV

are taken from the ESV® Bible (The Holy Bible, English Standard Version®), copyright © 2001 by Crossway, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved;

NIV

are taken from THE HOLY BIBLE, NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION®, NIV® Copyright © 1973, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.® Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide; and

NLT

are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996, 2007 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved. The author has added italics to Scripture quotations for emphasis.

LCCN 2018951373

ISBN 978-0-8307-7308-4

eISBN 978-0-8307-7595-8

© 2019 Kara-Kae James

The Author is represented by Alive Literary Agency, 7680 Goddard Street, Suite 200, Colorado Springs, CO 80920, www.aliveliterary.com.

The Team: Alice Crider, Liz Heaney, Nick Lee, Jack Campbell, Susan Murdock

Cover Design: Amy Konyndyk

Cover Image: Getty Images

Hand Lettering: Emily Karwoski

First Edition 2019

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

¹⁰¹⁵¹⁸

To Brook –

For always pushing me to be the best I can be and believing in me every step of the way.

I’m the wife, mom, and woman I am because you’ve been next to me through it all.

Parenting has been our greatest adventure, and as always, I love adventures with you.

To Jessika, Zoey, Makenzi, and Kendrick –

You are the greatest gifts in this life. May you chase after abundant life,

and may I always do my best to show you the way.

CONTENTS

Foreword

Introduction

Part One: A Thriving Mom Is Made for More

1. Motherhood Shattered

2. From Survival Mode to Abundance

3. Ripping Off Labels

Part Two: A Thriving Mom Is an Intentional Mom

4. Who Am I?

5. Unpacking

6. Never Yours to Begin With

7. The Sweet Spot

Part Three: A Thriving Mom Lives in Genuine Community

8. We Need Each Other

9. It’s a Trap

10. First Comes Love, Then Comes Marriage

Part Four: A Thriving Mom Rests in the Lord

11. Step Away from the Starbucks

12. Guilt-Free Zone

13. What Do You Truly Have to Fear?

Part Five: A Thriving Mom Embraces Chaos

14. Finding Joy in the Chaos

15. Rock Bottom

16. I Can’t Can Mom Today!

Conclusion: It’s Time

Acknowledgments

Notes

I always knew that I wanted to be a mom. Growing up, I remember playing the silly game MASH (please tell me you remember this one as well!) and dreaming about how many kids I would have and what kind of house we would live in—a mansion, of course! Two kids, for sure—possibly four—and maybe even a set of twins in there too. Ignorance about motherhood was definitely in my favor as a young child.

Then I grew up, got married, started having those babies I had dreamed about, and I quickly learned something that no one dared to share with me during those ten-year-old daydreams: motherhood is downright hard!

Parenting the four children that God has blessed our family with has been hands down the hardest thing I have ever endured. Now, don’t get me wrong—parenting is full of some of the greatest blessings I’ve ever experienced. But I’m not ashamed to admit that it’s also extremely difficult.

When my babies were tiny, I was so dang tired, and I wished for them to be able to talk so they could tell me what they wanted, rather than screaming and pointing for their desires. Then, as they started talking, I would yearn for nap time so I could have a little bit of peace and quiet in my house and quit answering the 3,967 questions asked of me before lunchtime. Then those naps ended, and I longed for school to start so I could have a few hours to myself once again. I mean, momma needs a break, right?!

I found myself in a constant state of wishing we were in the next stage of life. I became the mom who couldn’t wait for my kids to do X or Y so that life would be easier. (Fill in those blanks with just about anything, and that was me!)

I was not thriving in motherhood. I was simply existing in the current stage, yearning for the next stage, because surely that stage would be easier than the one I was in.

The year before my youngest started kindergarten, I felt as though I was in some sort of homestretch. I figured that if I could just get her in school, my life would be easier, and then I could thrive in motherhood. And I would have my life back! That entire year, all I thought about was the approaching August and what my new life would be like.

Six years later, I can honestly say that this is one of the years I wish I could have a do-over. I wish I could go back in time and do that last year of my daughter being home all over again, because I would do things much differently, you guys. I would thrive in that year of motherhood, just as I’m trying to thrive in the year of mother­hood that I’m currently in.

I’ll let you in on a little secret … I know that when I say this, I will sound like that old grandma who is at your baby shower, but she’s right! And dare I say that I believe I am right, as well, with what I’m about to tell you. Lean in close and listen up, sweet momma. These years are actually so short—even though they feel so very long—and we don’t have to simply endure them until things seem easier. We can thrive in every season as a momma. It’s true. We really can.

In the pages that you are about to read, Kara-Kae shows you how you can truly thrive as a momma. It might seem impossible, but from one momma to another, let me tell you—it’s true! When we begin to look at our motherhood journey through the lens of the good news of the gospel, we can approach each day, each challenge, each scream, each tantrum, each hard moment with different eyes and with a different attitude.

Friends, as you begin this book, I want you to ask God to show you how He sees you as a mom. Ask God to reveal to you through these chapters what it means to trust Him with your babies. Ask God to show you places in your life that you are not choosing to be intentional in your parenting. Believe me, if you are willing to ask and listen, He will indeed show you.

Then, guess what happens when we ask and listen? It’s not that we become better mommas overnight (because isn’t that something we would all raise our hands for?!).

When we ask God to show us the places that we can improve and to show us the places where we need Him more, two things will happen. First, He will show us. He’s faithful, my friends. He desires for you to be the best momma that you can be. Second, we begin to lean into Him more in our parenting. We begin to see the joy in the midst of the chaos. We begin to see Him at work in our kids’ lives, and in our own lives, through parenting with intention. And that is truly beautiful.

How do I know this? Well, after my daughter finally went off to kindergarten, I realized that my life wasn’t any easier—it was just different. I also realized that God was still faithful to me and was still pouring out His grace on me. I don’t hang my head low about my season of wishing that time would move faster; but instead, I stand tall in the grace that He pours out on us—the grace to parent well.

That grace is here for you, as well. Devour every single page of this book, and ask God to help you to be the best momma that you can be. He’s faithful. Go ahead and ask.

Jamie Ivey

Host of The Happy Hour with Jamie Ivey podcast, and author of the bestselling book If You Only Knew

Motherhood hurts. It stretches, bends, and forces you to do seemingly impossible things, both physically and emotionally. Some days you feel like you’re drowning; other days you feel as if you’re in a race to the finish line, stumbling over everything in your path.

I know because I’ve been there. I’ve scraped myself up from rock bottom more times than I’d like to admit.

I’ve tried to figure out why being a mom has been so challenging for me, only to realize this truth: I cannot do this on my own. Motherhood has felt overwhelming, not because my kids keep forgetting where their shoes go (despite being told a thousand times!), but because I’m placing my hope and my trust in myself. For far too many days, I’ve experienced motherhood as an endless cycle of making lunches, wiping faces, chauffeuring, directing homework, bandaging knees, cooking meals, folding laundry, and putting children to bed. I’ve often felt like the best I could do was make it through the day. Then I realize my Bible has sat dusty on the table, unopened for days.

Can you relate?

God’s Word calls me—and you—to something more.

When we come to the place where we think there’s no hope, that we have failed—this is the moment when God’s Word and motherhood intersect. Because when we’re losing our sense of worth, our identity, and our bearings, God’s Word stands. It guides and refreshes our tired and weary souls.

In 2013, during one of the hardest seasons of my life, I felt the burden and weight