Honey

Honey – I want a lifetime with you.

Will Jewel and Carson ever have that?

The journey for Jewel has not been a sweet one.

We grew up.

We stood up.

We broke up.

I cleaned up.

I methed up.

I drank up.

I woke up.

Almost gave up.

Life is looking up.

Sum it up.

Where will all these hang-ups land them?

PRELUDE

We grew up.

Grade School

Jewel –

I left Carson a handwritten note on top of his school desk, inviting him to my birthday party on the approaching weekend. Even as I began to write his name, my nerves were getting to me. There was a shaky letter n but I kept writing and made my note short and sweet. Getting to class earlier than my other classmates, I hurried to his favorite chair and left it on the desk. Once everyone entered the classroom, I kicked nervously at the wooden leg of my chair as I waited for him to come into class, take his seat, and claim my note. My heart was rapidly pounding and I was hopeful for a big smile when he read it.

I never missed his entrance any day, and especially not this one. As soon as he sat and read my note, folded it up, and put it into his pocket, he then immediately acknowledged me across the room with a nod and a comforting grin.

I would take any movement that came my way from his lips. Immediately, I turned to my classmate, my face feeling warm because I was blushing. He said yes, he’s coming to my birthday party.

I don’t think he will show, she replied.

Not letting her response affect me, I held onto the belief that he would.

Finally, the day for my birthday party arrived. It was rare my parents would even do that for me. Looking back, I can’t help but feel it wasn’t hard to buy a colorful cake and put forks around it. That’s all they had to do.

That day, as I passed the cake on display on the kitchen table, I frowned for a moment because my parents hadn’t even had my name placed on it. It was a bunch of balloons with colorful icing and ‘Happy Birthday’ in red writing. I decided in order to turn my frown around, I would make myself look as good as I could for Carson. Yes, I indeed had a liking for him.

I went to dress for my birthday party, eager for the sweet sight of Carson. I didn’t have much, but I did find a dark blue dress in my closet, one my mother bought a while ago on sale for me. For the longest time, it was too big, but now it fit me well. Funny my own mother didn’t know my size. I never wore a dress before that I can remember and felt like it would be nice for Carson to see me in one. Pulling my long, brown hair into a ponytail, I tied a white ribbon around it. For the first time I leaned into the dresser mirror and swiped pink gloss across my lips—it was sticky and they were suddenly so shiny. I knew if he didn’t notice me in a dress that my lips would maybe catch his eye. I was probably too young to be crushing on Carson but I had it bad.

Unfortunately, my dress never got viewed by anyone except my parents. My mother said it was a waste I got all dressed up, but commented the cake was good—the cake that she cut into without singing me the birthday song or wishing me well wishes. I ate cake and more cake, trying to tamp down my disappointment. Carson never showed, and neither did the other friends I invited. I guess I just wasn’t special enough to celebrate. That night, after I took the dress off and rehung it for another future debut, I scrubbed hard on my lips to remove all the pink gloss and the memory of my birthday party that never happened.

Junior High School

Carson –

I know today is Jewel’s birthday, and I am standing outside of her last class waiting for her to come out of the door. It may not be much, but I have a vanilla cupcake with creamy chocolate icing and a single yellow candle poked down into it. Long ago, I missed her childhood party because my father didn’t want to take me to her house. He said Jewel’s parents were not well liked in the community, and he wanted me to disassociate myself from Jewel immediately. He preferred taking me to another classmate’s party, which wasn’t a birthday either. Even though I was insistent that I wanted to be at Jewel’s home, he dropped me at Cherise’s house. I know my face and attitude remained sour the entire party, especially when Cherise tried to sit too close to me and called me her new boyfriend. I wasn’t, nor would ever be that to her. I had a crush on another … Jewel.

Each year after my no show, I tried to make small talk about her birthday, but she always shut me down. This time I was here, prepared to see her smile, even if it was just from the sweetness of the cupcake that she would soon consume. I am willing to take a chance and show her she’s special, even if she doesn’t feel she is.

The years progress for Jewel and Carson.

High School

Carson –

Going to the same school, I saw her daily. I also saw her pain. I would often braid her long, brown hair like I had done with my sister’s hair after my mother passed. Not only did I suffer the loss of my mother at a young age, but my sister was struck and killed by a hit and run driver my freshman year, leaving just me and my father in our home. There was a sadness that we could not overcome. He was hard on me after the passing of both our loved ones, so I chose to go off to college to pursue coaching sports. Therefore, where Jewel was concerned, I wanted to shelter her from harm, save her where I couldn’t with my other loved ones.

I knew her home life was awful and she was living in hell there. I offered my arms to hold her when she felt weak, and my high school lettered jacket to cover the same clothes she wore the day before, knowing she slept in her parents’ car in the driveway because I would jog that way early in the morning and see her content, sleeping face and not want to disturb those peaceful moments she found.

She shared with me the fighting in her household. The many things broken that her parents threw at one another, and Jewel constantly ducking and staying clear of getting hit in their crossfire.

I would always protect her where I could.

Post High School

Jewel –

My inner cries for help seem to be heard.

Can the good heart of Carson carry the load for the lost me?

He is everything to me, I just never really told him, nor showed him.

I didn’t have the opportunity to introduce him to my parents.

They tell me run from love, that it is evil and destructive.

I don’t want to believe their words.

Carson has told me there is a sweetness about me he couldn’t resist.

Maybe that is love and could be happiness that is productive.

I pray he is in my life forever. I am happier every waking moment I see him, even when he doesn’t know I am looking. That’s the best part, I don’t think he will ever know my feelings for him and so they cannot be tested, or ruined as my mom has stressed to me.

I don’t know if he will ever return to our town of Little River but it sure would be nice to see his handsome face once more. I wish he would find me and try to rescue me yet another time.

I wish I wasn’t so invisible as a person and Carson could see all the love that I have for him.

CHAPTER ONE

We stood up.

The catering hall in Little River, South Carolina was full of excitement, with beautifully dressed teenagers. The decorative balloon arch stood tall with our high school colors of black and gold. ‘Lincoln High School Prom’ was displayed on a huge banner that hung above our heads. The calendar year towered vertically, reminding the seniors it was their final year of high school. The lights brightened toward the center of the stage. I stood amongst other female nominees from my senior class, on the left of the stage. I was told we were the prom court. The girls I was with had such lovely dresses. I was just thrilled to be included. I felt like a princess for the moment. Never had I dressed up in my whole life like this. I wasn’t even planning to go the prom. In fact, it was the furthest thing from my mind. I was just simply getting by in school, so imagine my shock when my name appeared in the ballot box many times as a queen nominee. Once that happened, I had to go.

My initial fear was that I had nothing to wear. I’ll be honest, I had not one nice dress, let alone a gown. Fortunately, I had one true friend during high school, Silvi, and she came to my rescue. Like me, Silvi was an only child, but unlike me, her parents were quite wealthy. They showered her with gifts and the latest fashions—most of which she placed in the back of her closet as she chose to wear a more conservative fashion style.

Jewel, I got you covered for whatever you want to wear to prom. Believe me, I have too many dresses still with the tags on them. Come over and we will get you something to wear. Silvi was excited for my nomination.

I can’t begin to thank you, Silvi. I’m very glad we are practically the same size because something of yours should fit me.

What astonished me more was trying on all the dresses in her bedroom closet. It was, without exaggeration, as big as the entire second floor of our home. Silvi was a true friend. She didn’t judge me. Most days her nose was in a book. She wasn’t flashy nor made up; simply pretty and kind. For some reason she took a friendly liking to me, and what wasn’t there to like about her? She also helped me along the way and all the way to prom night.

My knees trembled but that wasn’t visible under my gown. As I looked down, I could see the silver shimmer on my strappy high heels from the stage lights. I felt special, and no one would ever understand quite why. As I was dressing this evening my mother walked past my room and never commented. She acted like she didn’t see me as I twirled around in front of the long, wall-hung mirror. However, as my heart beats loudly, I tune that sad moment out. The thumping in my chest is silencing my previous conversation with my mother telling me a girl like me had no reason to be in the running for prom queen.

I glanced up toward my classmates’ faces as we all eagerly awaited this evening’s results. Silvi was front and center. She was dressed in a simple halter-style lemon yellow gown. Her blonde hair was pulled into a sloppy ponytail. She put both her thumbs up to give me the confidence I lacked. Smiling at me, Silvi then pushed