UnderMind: Discover the 7 Subconscious Beliefs that Sabotage Your Life and How to Overcome Them

Courageous Living & How to Use this Book

Courage is not the absence of fear. It is the decision that something else is more important than fear. —Meg Cabot

What Is More Important to You Than Fear?

Wherever you may be in your life, there is a reason that you are holding this book. Are you happy with the person you see in the mirror? Are you the kind of friend, son, daughter. partner, spouse, or parent you always pictured yourself to be? Is there something that you have been striving to achieve, in some area of your life, that has been outside of your reach? Take a reflective moment to write down something meaningful to you, that you would achieve if you didn't sabotage yourself—something specific that you could have, do, or be if there wasn't something holding you back.

Now consider what your life would be like if this result was yours. Do you have the courage to discover what is truly stopping you?

What if there was a way to open up your life and see how it ran, like seeing the inner workings of a clock? Many people think that life is determined by either fate or chaos, while others are learning to master the laws of attraction. This book will help you get the true answers as to why some things work out for you the way you want them to and why others don't.

Most often, the real source of self-sabotage is buried deep below our level of awareness. We called this book UnderMind to represent the subconscious mind as well as the sabotaging programs within it that undermine you and your results. You may think that success is out of reach due to procrastination, distraction, overwhelm, or the many external circumstances that can hold you back; but those are only symptoms of a deeper cause. You may even be at the opposite end of the spectrum and have the money, the status, the house, the cars, the successful business, the successful marriage, and other things that so many people dream about. But do you have peace of mind? Do you feel it is enough? Do you feel safe? Do you trust? Can you give and receive love without fear? Do you live with anxiety or feel the need to medicate yourself to quiet your mind? Do you feel alone even though you are surrounded by others? Are you able to enjoy your life without the feeling that something is wrong or missing?

We often hear people say, We should come with a manual. Well, what if there was a manual that could help you decode both your own and other peoples' behaviors and interactions, as well as reveal the source of life's fortunes and misfortunes? You have it in your hands.

UnderMind is a book about change—the permanent change you desire to help you end the struggle with yourself and create the results you want in any area of your life. Unlike conventional books that speak to you in the form of a monologue, UnderMind is a deep and satisfying dialogue—a courageous conversation that will help you discover and identify the subconscious beliefs that sabotage both your life and the lives of others, and how to overcome them.

In the chapters ahead, you will be introduced to the inner workings of your mind. You will learn to decode its pattern of success and self-sabotage and use this information to make empowered changes in your life. You will also learn about a new and incredible breakthrough therapy called Progressive Neural Resolution Therapy (PNRT). PNRT works at the subconscious level—or UnderMind level—to resolve the origin of your self-sabotage and create permanent change.

Are You Ready?

We understand that you need to be ready for this conversation. We wholeheartedly acknowledge you for where you are now and for having the courage and wisdom to be a leader in your own life and move toward your greatness.

There are times when people raise their hand and say, YES! I want a change! But when it comes to digging deep into why things aren't working and the conversation starts getting personal, intimate, and revealing, people can detach, disconnect, or even run the other way. You may even have the hesitant feeling in this moment that says, Am I ready? We have noticed that when people aren't ready, they often get defensive and flip the conversation around. They start out complaining and saying, Why am I not getting the results I want? But as soon as they realize that they might be the source of the problem and need to change something about themselves, their reply quickly turns into, "Well, when I think about it, it's not that bad, or When I look at the way others struggle, I feel grateful for what I have."

Wanting more is not about being ungrateful. It's about realizing that this is your life, and you have the right to make it fulfilling, joyful, and full of passion. To clarify, we are not talking about being on the endless treadmill of wanting more material things; this conversation is about the deep yearning from within that knows you deserve more and calls you to your full potential in every area of your life. People often hear inspired thoughts from within that say, I'd like to start my own business, fall in love, see the world, make more time for me, etc., but they neglect that voice. Instead, they choose to listen to the one that says, It's too risky, there is no one out there, or you don't have time for that. It is the negative inner chatter that often seems to win.

Do you hear it—your inner voice that is always judging and evaluating what is happening in your life? It may even be speaking right now by wondering, Is this book going to do anything for me? It is the same chatter that berates you when you make mistakes, encourages you to doubt when things are going well, and can even push you to make choices or say things that you later regret. Get acquainted with your inner voice.

We wish we had the magic pill or USB key that could download the right programming into the brain's computer to unlock the matrix of positive results. Unfortunately, we don't. What we do have, however, is a proven success formula. It's a new and ground-breaking process that (1) reprograms the part of your mind that holds you hostage and (2) frees you from the patterns of self-sabotage.

Going There

We are notorious for avoiding small talk or light conversation at parties. We have often had to hold ourselves back while people stand in small groups discussing their life and how things aren't working in their favor. Because of our training and experience, we are used to listening carefully to a person's feelings and emotions. As a result, we frequently hear people talking through the filters of their beliefs; and with laser accuracy, we are able to hear the very reason why they aren't getting what they want.

Through the laws of attraction, there will invariably be that courageous person who is ready to go there, and that's when you'll find us in a deep and intimate conversation in the corner of the room. From the act of personal sharing, they reveal their core beliefs as well as the answers to what has been running their mind and sabotaging their life. They surface with a new perspective and the radiance of joy and hope that things can truly change.

Is this person you? Are you ready to courageously go there—to discover what's sabotaging you and experience the freedom to live your life with fulfillment and ease? What is it worth to you? An even better question may be: What has it cost you to not do this work so far, and what else would you lose if you don't do the work at this stage of your life? We have seen so many people come through the other side of this process and finally realize the impact that not healing themselves sooner made on their lives.

Here are just a few examples:

I can't believe I have wasted my whole life hiding my body, not wearing a bathing suit, and not letting anyone see me. Maria—age 52

I'm so mad I never started my dream business. I let my parents' fears rule my life—I was too scared to fail. Roberto—age 64

I've been having anxiety attacks for all these years and missing out on so much of my life. Sara—age 30

Oh my goodness! I've dedicated my life to being perfect and pleasing everyone else, only to realize it's made me a control freak and bossy. No wonder my kids don't want me around! Maxine—age 48

I've been living with the thought that 'it's never good enough' for so long that I have missed celebrating all of my accomplishments. Jerry—age 50

I've been carrying this guilt and sadness for so many years; I have put my poor family through such misery. Sophia—age 58

I have let a lot of incredible women go in my life. I had no idea my fear of commitment was driving them away; I am afraid to die alone. Chris—age 46

Destructive beliefs quietly live and breathe in the subconscious minds of billions of people and greatly limit their lives. Because of these beliefs, bank accounts dwindle, self-esteem suffers, relationships fail, health falters, and inner peace is always out of reach. These beliefs are the driving force behind everything we do to unknowingly undermine our own desires.

When you are able to free yourself from these destructive beliefs and the bonds of fear and self-sabotage, your life can finally begin. Consider the negative voice in your head that is influencing your actions. If you are living your life with the constant need to control the situation, avoid conflict, or feel safe, you are not making decisions as the genuine adult you; you are making life choices that are dictated by fear and resistance.

How would life be if you made choices that were dictated by passion, purpose, and enthusiasm? Who would you be without the thoughts that hold you back? You would truly be unstoppable! The only problem is that some people have lived their life in order to please others, be good, do the right thing, or should have themselves for so long, they have disconnected from their dreams and true desires. If this is you, you will reconnect to them here too. Step by step, this book will help you find yourself—not through searching, but by exposing and resolving what is UnderMind in your life.

Before our own journeys of self-discovery, self-sabotage affected our lives as well. Once we understood and overcame those destructive beliefs, our lives changed dramatically.

Our Stories

We humbly share our stories—the ugly truth behind the scenes—so you can feel comfortable knowing that the first steps along the journey in front of you have been our very own. We are always on the path. For us, this book is not about creating more from a place of scarcity or fear that it's not enough. It is about creating more from a place of love and compassion to share this message, to make a difference in people's lives, to stop their suffering, and to help them experience true joy, success, and fulfillment. Our stories are also a detailed example of how the methods and knowledge in this book can transform lives and create permanent change.

Joanna's Story

As the firstborn of four children, I had the inherent role of being in charge; but when I was eleven years old and my father began to drink, I took it to another level. In order to gain stability in an unstable environment, I grew to be a controlling and codependent fixer. I put everyone's happiness and needs ahead of my own to try to make myself feel safe and keep everything in order. In doing that for so long, I lost myself and didn't know who I was or what I truly wanted. I felt like my needs were not important, and I always told myself and others that I was fine. Everyone else was the priority.

This and other life experiences brought me to a place where I felt no self-worth. In fact, I felt self-loathing. My inner voice constantly reminded me that I was ugly, not lovable, and not good enough (with many variations of how I should be). I struggled in school—always trying to fit in, feeling like I didn't belong, and feeling that I wasn't smart enough. I had lots of fears, worries, and an inferiority complex.

Because of my insecurities, at the age of eighteen, I got engaged to the first guy who asked me—my first crush and boyfriend, and the first guy I ever kissed. All that mattered in my life was that I was seen as a good person. I felt that I had to do everything perfectly, and I constantly criticized myself. Looking back, everyone in my community saw me as a strong and confident young woman; however, that was a façade to mask my low self-esteem. I wanted to make my husband's and other peoples' lives better in order to avoid focusing on myself and my needs. This made me seem even more controlling and selfish, where in fact, I rarely ever thought about myself.

At twenty-one, my insecurities were really triggered when I felt my husband was constantly choosing to spend time with his friends instead of me. My lack of self-worth escalated, and my inner chatter was incessant in telling me I wasn't lovable enough for him to spend time with me. I fell deeper into my fears of abandonment. One day my husband was going to play football, and I threw myself onto his leg. I begged him not to leave and just spend time with me! He tried to console me, but eventually he had to leave. Within seven days, I was rushed to the hospital with an unknown illness that was threatening my life. My immune system was attacking my vascular system and kidneys—and it seemed for no apparent reason. No one in my family had any history of such an illness either. The doctors had to suppress my immune system to prevent further damage, and I was in the hospital for thirty days.

While there, I received lots of love and attention from everyone. At last I felt my husband gave me the time I was craving. I also recovered faster than the doctors expected. I incurred minor kidney damage, but I survived it and went home. The doctors were shocked that I recovered so quickly!

Twice more over the next three years, after serious issues and discussions over our marriage, I ended up in the hospital with my immune system attacking my kidneys again. The last time was a very serious episode—I was in full kidney failure and given 12 hours to live. Despite the illness, my sheer will kept me strong. For three years, I endured regular peritoneal dialysis, multiple infections, two mild strokes, other medical emergencies, and finally a kidney transplant from my loving and generous sister Bethel at twenty-eight years old.

Each time I was in the hospital, my marriage issues improved as I was in a constant state of receiving care and getting attention from my husband. I had to slow down, and I needed support. I was starting to realize that what I thought was having control and making everything perfect was only an illusion.

Eight years later, despite our best efforts, I saw no possibility of anything getting better—our relationship was really over. I had come to a point of feeling totally empty, and I felt I was dying as a woman. I needed to go on a journey to discover who I really was without the should's and have-to's that I had imposed on myself. Looking back, we were young and foolish. Neither of us had any clue as to what love really was.

At thirty-six, I was finally starting over! Thankfully, I had built my packaging business to a point where I had the financial freedom to take a break. After everything I had been through, I made a commitment to myself that this time I was going to do everything to learn about myself, take care of my needs, and heal what needed to be healed so that I would never make the same mistakes again.

That decision propelled me on a journey of self-discovery in every aspect of my life: mental, physical, emotional, spiritual, sexual, creative, expressive, and financial. I took every course I could find through every modality. I read voraciously; I was like a vacuum and completely focused on healing myself. I gave up a lot of my regular life. I couldn't believe that I was thirty-six years old and learning so much of this essential information for the very first time! I was only now grasping the basics of being a woman and identifying my needs, wants, and desires. For the first time, I was discovering who I was and not the perfect person that I felt I should be.

As I looked within, I discovered how the negative beliefs and inner chatter about myself that I had as a child had so profoundly run my life and made my choices—as well as interfered with my health. Through a combination of therapies and self-help courses, I realized that the inner voices were really wounded parts of me; those core beliefs that were meant to protect me were actually hurting me. When I got in touch with the part of me that felt unlovable, I realized that part would seek love and affection through accidents and getting sick. It all became SO clear to me: every time I felt abandoned or not loved, this part would put me in the hospital to get love and attention. I was devastated, realizing that I had ruined my own health to a point of near death. I was determined to heal myself at every level. My profound healing journey inspired me to help others to discover their destructive, negative beliefs and heal themselves to create a life they loved.

"Everything is energy and that’s all there is to it.

Match the frequency of the reality you want

and you cannot help but get that reality.

It can be no other way.

This is not philosophy. This is physics."

—Albert Einstein

I became so knowledgeable that people started coming to me as a resource for information, and I was passionate to share it with them. I saw how many people were living the same story I had—people who also needed to get in touch with themselves. They had lost themselves in codependency and were resentful; deep down, they wished it was their turn. I told every person who would listen about my journey and realizations, encouraging them to look within themselves.

One day I received a copy of the movie The Secret by Rhonda Bryne, which had just been released to the public. It highlights a universal law called the law of attraction, which is scientifically proven to work by attracting into a person's life the experiences, situations, events, and people that match a frequency of the person's thoughts and feelings. I profoundly recognized that my negative thoughts had indeed created certain negative results. This awareness ignited my passion to help other people realize how their thoughts and beliefs impact their own lives. Every Sunday, I would open my house to anyone who wanted to watch this amazing film. My goal was to help people realize how their thoughts and beliefs created the results in their lives. Once the movie was over, I would generate a group discussion about the new results they wanted to create in their lives. Once they identified their desires, I would invite them to notice what negative conversations they had around what they wanted and how it was stopping them. I helped them realize that these negative beliefs were the very thing that required their attention to change.

During those "Secret Sundays," I declared my intention to become a full-time therapist and teach people how to find their way to inner happiness.

The Beginnings of Progressive Neural

Resolution Therapy (PNRT)

Once I understood what was limiting me, I began developing a therapy* that I would later name Progressive Neural Resolution Therapy (PNRT). This unique therapy rewires subconscious patterns and creates permanent change.

During my journey, I had turned to every modality of healing, only to realize that the source of permanent change was at the subconscious level—in the wiring of the mind. The many courses I took and therapies I received helped me create a strong conscious awareness of why my life unfolded the way it did. I discovered that because I felt I couldn't trust anyone or anything, I developed a need to control everything. This, coupled with my limiting beliefs about deserving money, success, and pleasure, made a lot of sense; but it did not provide me with a resolution. I was still left with the insecurity and inner chatter that I needed to try harder and be perfect to feel secure.

I realized that this inner chatter had to be stopped. I noticed that the inner voice often said things that were irrational and unsupportive, and I consciously didn't agree with them. At this point, I realized that there were certain parts of my mind that were sabotaging me, and I decided to dedicate my career to finding the solution.

In my pursuit, I tried a subconscious form of therapy that worked extremely well, but each session was ten to twelve hours in length and cost over a thousand dollars. For me, the time and money didn't matter; it was worth the price for peace of mind. However, I realized there was a way to achieve the same results faster and make it more affordable for people.

By this point, I had a successful life-coaching practice and noticed that my clients had the same problems I did. Regardless of their goal, they had parts of them that would just take over and sabotage their results, so I began to use my personal form of subconscious therapy with my clients.

During this same period, after a few weeks of showing The Secret, a young woman joined us, and we connected profoundly. Her name was Tanya Chernova. It was this new friendship that took both of our lives in a new direction.

Tanya's Story

"In order to joyfully embrace our lives,

we must learn to joyfully embrace our fears."

—Tanya Chernova

When I walked into Joanna's condo on the twenty-fourth floor, with a magnificent panoramic view, I was ready for a complete personal reinvention. I was thirty-one years old, and I had just left an intense relationship that was the game changer—a defining moment that made me realize that I needed to get on the path to self-love and change my life forever.

Like many people, I had lost my true self while trying to do everything right in my life. The breakup was actually a test of my self-worth, and it was the calling I needed to handle every other relationship in my life in a new way—especially the one I had with myself. Until then, it seemed like things just happened to me, and I was doing the best I could to manage myself while trying to please everyone else. When I watched The Secret at Joanna's, my mouth hung open the entire time; and at the end, I realized that everything going on in my life was not circumstantial—it was drawn to me by my own beliefs. What a revelation!

This great awakening gave me the insight to finally get to the core of the issue and start changing my external circumstances from within. I was determined to do everything to find my authentic self and create a life I loved in every way.

My family left Russia to come to Canada when I was five. As it is with many immigrant families, my parents' marriage didn't survive the first year of the transition. I truly never thought that their divorce affected me because it was completely sudden and devoid of any major drama. In the effort to be good, I suppressed my emotions through the separation; and with the sage help of my mother, I lived through it in my logical mind. I now understand the devastation I felt losing my father; but back then, it seemed like I was numb and fine.

I remember my mother saying, Everything in life has a beginning and an end. If you can accept these transitions, you will save yourself a lot of pain. Her attitude was always Be positive; move onward and upward. We never talked about loss in our family; we simply moved forward, creating what was next. I remember thinking that if I could control