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    The Bonk Rabbery
    The Bonk Rabbery
    The Bonk Rabbery
    Ebook156 pages1 hour

    The Bonk Rabbery

    By Brian Smith

    ()

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    About this ebook

    Brian Stuart Smith was born in Newcastle upon Tyne in 1967.

    Graduating from Newcastle University with a degree in Bio Chemistry, his love of comedy, film and theatre developed from an early age.

    After acting in several plays at school and at a local theatre Brian took up writing, focusing on comedy scripts such as The Bonk Rabbery.

    He hopes you enjoy the script, reading or enacting it, and laugh out loud, as much as he did writing it.

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherBrian Smith
    Release dateNov 13, 2020
    ISBN9781838267513
    The Bonk Rabbery
    Author

    Brian Smith

    Brian Smith was born in Australia, where he developed his love of surfing. A chartered accountant, he studied at the UCLA Graduate School of Management, and with $500 of start-up money, he founded UGG Imports to bring sheepskin footwear to America. After seventeen years, as sales reached $15 million, he sold the business to Deckers Outdoor Corporation. The UGG brand has since exceeded $1 billion of international sales several times over. A passionate innovator and entrepreneur, Brian is one of the most sought after business leaders in the country today. As a media guest and inspiring speaker, he is committed to teaching his breakthrough business strategies to entrepreneurs and translating personal vision and spirituality into company culture. Brian spends his time with family and friends in Southern California, still surfs, plays golf, and attempts to improve the planet a little every day.

    Read more from Brian Smith

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      Book preview

      The Bonk Rabbery - Brian Smith

      PLAY SET UP DETAILS

      The original play has events taking place in London but could be located anywhere.

      Character descriptions:

      •Main characters/bank customers are quintessentially English

      •Bank characters/customers are also quintessentially English

      •Bank robbers = 4 men wearing glasses, false beards and moustaches and not the sharpest tools in the box

      •Police – inept, bumbling idiots

      •Legal teams – disbelief at the stupidity of the whole thing, robbers, police and witnesses!

      A FUNNY THING HAPPENED AT THE BANK

      Principle Characters: HARRY, JULIANNA, GEORGE, BOB, FRANK and CYRIL. SGT HARDER with Constables SCREWER, PITBULL and KICKBOOT. Chief Inspector MOULLIER, Judge PURVINGTON, Father (priest) ANTHONY and Mrs SCRUBBER.

      Additional Characters: ARTHUR BONK, bank customer. JIM and BRIAN, bank tellers, MRS NICE, bank customer and Constable BLUNT.

      Harry goes to the bank on Monday morning. While waiting in the bank, there is a bank robbery. The bank robbery doesn’t go according to plan so they take a hostage, Harry. Harry objects to being a hostage, so the bank robbers kick him out of the car. The police are following and, on seeing Harry, identify him as a bank robber. The bank robbers see this, turn round and go back for Harry. The police have four flat tyres and can’t follow the bank robbers. They take Harry home. He meets Julianna, George’s sister. Julianna goes to work. The bank robbers tie Harry up and put a hood over his head again. They go to do a small job intending to come back later. The next-door neighbour alerts the police. They arrive, break in and take Harry to the police station. Believing Harry is an informant for the bank robbers he is questioned, charged and incarcerated without even a lawyer. The bank robbers return and see Harry has gone. Next morning, the bank robbers are dressed as policemen and wearing beards. They go to the police station and rescue Harry. He is completely unaware. They take him home. The police eventually work this out and go to the bank robber’s house. The bank robbers are dressed as women and after a police fight, escape in their car. George, the lead bank robber, decides to turn himself in. He gets a lighter sentence for doing so but not without Julianna’s help. She does fetish work for high court judges and is able to persuade the judge to help her brother, George.

      The script is subject to change when/if necessary.

      HARRY GOES TO THE BANK

      EXT. STREET SCENE. DAY.

      Monday morning. We see HARRY leaving the front door of his very posh London flat. Harry lives in a very exclusive part of London. He makes his way along onto the busy local high street. He approaches the bank. He decides to get some money from inside the bank. It’s a small, high street branch. Harry goes into the bank, The Belgravia Bank of Commerce.

      INT. INSIDE BANK. DAY.

      Harry goes to the teller. He hums a tune to himself while waiting in the queue. Harry is quite happy.

      THE BANK ROBBERS TURN UP

      EXT. OUTSIDE BANK. DAY.

      Seconds later a car pulls up sharp outside the bank. There are four men sitting in the car. Three of them are carrying fake sawn-off shotguns. The bank robbers: Big GEORGE, BOB And FRANK. They get out of the car. They enter the bank. CYRIL remains in the car as the driver waiting outside.

      ENTER BANK ROBBERS.

      THE BANK ROBBERS TAKE A HOSTAGE

      INT. INSIDE BANK. DAY.

      BIG GEORGE.

      Right, nobody moves. Everybody lies down. No one gets hurt.

      ARTHUR BONK.

      This is a bank. We are not subject to being robbed with guns.

      BIG GEORGE.

      (right up to Arthur Bonk)

      Listen, you little gobshite. If you don’t lie down I shall be forced to separate you from your breath. Is that exact enough for you?

      ARTHUR BONK.

      Quite.

      Arthur Bonk lies down. Everyone else lies down except Harry. He is completely oblivious to the bank robbers. Humming a tune to himself at the teller’s window whilst waiting for his money. The teller at Harry’s position has lain down.

      HARRY.

      What are you doing?

      TELLER BRIAN.

      Bank robbers.

      HARRY.

      What… what are you talking about?

      TELLER BRIAN.

      Behind you, bank robbers.

      HARRY.

      If this is some sort of practical joke I shall have to put in a complaint.

      BIG GEORGE.

      (comes right up to Harry) Oi, you, didn’t you hear what I said? Lie down on the floor.

      HARRY HERBERT.

      (turns to face Big GEORGE) Is this some sort of drill?

      BIG GEORGE.

      No, this is not some sort of drill. This is a bank robbery. Lie down on the floor.

      HARRY HERBERT.

      Oh, if you insist.

      GEORGE.

      I do.

      Harry lies down near Arthur Bonk.

      HARRY HERBERT.

      What a shocking way to run a bank. I shall write to my MP about this.

      ARTHUR BONK.

      Oh, I don’t think he can do anything, he doesn’t bank here. My name’s Arthur, Arthur Bonk.

      HARRY HERBERT.

      Hello, I’m Harry Herbert.

      Arthur reaches out his hand to shake hands with Harry.

      HARRY HERBERT.

      How nice to meet you.

      ARTHUR BONK.

      And you too.

      SWITCH TO BOB TALKING TO JIM THE TELLER.

      BOB.

      Hello.

      TELLER JIM.

      Hello.

      BOB.

      How’s everything going?

      TELLER JIM.

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