An Engineer's Guide to Influencing and Persuading

An Engineer’s Guide TO Influencing and Persuading

David Sykes

Published by Lulu.com

First published in the UK by Lulu.com

ISBN 978-1-326-82490-7

Copyright: © 2017 David Sykes

The Author

David Sykes is by profession a chemical engineer but has spent most of his career in people management and latterly as a Business and Training Consultant.

When making the transition into management, he found it difficult to understand that whilst he could predict the outcome when adjusting the temperature of a distillation column, when dealing with people, the outcome was anything but certain.

No ‘laws’ seemed to exist that might predict their behaviour, and this frustration was the cause of many anxieties and mistakes in his early career.  Thankfully, through training, coaching and mentoring, he began to understand human behaviour and how to use this knowledge wisely to build and motivate successful teams.

After over 35 years in people-management, David founded Vanilla Training Solutions in 2005, a business committed to helping organisations excel through the strategic use of the training process.  He is the author of the book, Leadership, a Formula for Success.  He lives in Somerset with his wife Judith and their cat Flo and dog Rosie.

He can be contacted at david@theleadershipformula.uk

Acknowledgements

I would like to thank a number of people who have been influential in my career and helped in my enlightenment.  I would like to thank Chelvin Hibbert who introduced me to Transactional Analysis many years ago and showed me the way forward.  To John Barnacott whose advice and training expertise inspired me on my learning journey and to Ian Jenner for showing me a new horizon.  Also, my gratitude to Bernard Wynne for his advice whilst I was setting up Vanilla Training Solutions Ltd and for giving me the confidence to step into the ‘horseshoe’.  Finally I would like to thank my daughter-in-law Tetyana for her excellent work in proof-reading the book and for preparing some of the training material it is based on.

I dedicate this book my darling wife Judith, my soul mate and my best friend.  Judith has been a source of inspiration throughout my career and has constantly given me honest and constructive feedback, helping me never to settle for second best.

Contents

An Engineer’s Guide TO Influencing and Persuading

The Author

Introduction

MODULE 1 – UNDERSTANDING PEOPLE

Influencing – A Definition

Understanding People

Behavioural Styles

Adapting to Other Styles

Practical Exercise – Behavioural Styles

The Power of Behaviour

Practical Exercise – Behaviour Breeds Behaviour

MODULE 1 – NUGGETS

MODULE 2 – INTERACTING WITH PEOPLE

Our Goal

The Importance of Stroking

Conditional and Unconditional Strokes

The Importance of Strokes and the Stroke Balance

Practical Exercise ‒ Stroking

Transactional Analysis

PAC Exercises

MODULE 2 – NUGGETS

MODULE 3 – CHANGING OUTCOMES

Changing Outcomes

Mental Models

Reframing

It’s as Simple as A-B-C

Communicating Effectively

Body Language

MODULE 3 – NUGGETS

MODULE 4 – COMMUNICATION

Effective Communication

The Listening Process

The Listening Pyramid

Setting up an Active Listening Session

Verbal Communication

Revealing Ourselves to Others

The Johari Window

Opening the Window

Building Trust and Rapport

Exercise – Opening the Window

MODULE 4 – NUGGETS

MODULE 5 – GIVING & RECEIVING FEEDBACK

Mental Models Revisited

How to Give and Receive Feedback

Motivational Feedback

Formative Feedback

How to Receive Feedback

Exercise – Situation – Behaviour – Effect

MODULE 5 – NUGGETS

MODULE 6 – BEING ASSERTIVE

A Definition of Assertiveness

Our Rights

Types of Behaviour

Picking and Planning our Battles

The Assertiveness Toolbox

Broken Record

Feel, Felt, Find

Dealing with Passive Aggressive People

Dealing with Difficult People

Exercise 1 – Assertiveness

Exercise 2 – Assertiveness

MODULE 6 – NUGGETS

MODULE 7 – MOTIVATION

Motivation

The Carrot and the Stick

Theory X and Theory Y

Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs

The Practical Application of Maslow

Herzberg

Elton Mayo and the Hawthorne Effect

Motivating Others

Building Character

MODULE 7 – NUGGETS

MODULE 8 – CHOOSING OUR WORDS

The Power of Words

VAK Learning Styles

Hints for Recognizing the Three VAK Styles

Self Talk

Reframing for Success

Avoid ‘Dynamite’ Words

Brevity is the Soul of Wit

Selling our ideas

Selling ourselves

It’s Only Words…

MODULE 8 – NUGGETS

MODULE 9 – INFLUENCING OTHERS

A ‘Cunning’ Plan

Types of Influencing

The Five-Step Plan for Influencing

‘Push Me Pull You’ Approach

The Power of Vision

A Practical Example of Influencing

NUGGETS – MODULE 9

MODULE 10 – PUTTING IT ALL TOGETHER

Before We Begin...

Individual Success Plan

Delivering the Goods

Case Study – The IT Request

MODULE 10 – NUGGETS

APPENDIX

A Little Background

Introduction

Oh wonderful!  It just gets better!  An Engineer’s Guide to Influencing and Persuading – Casey Jones meets Paul McKenna!  As John McEnroe might say, ‘You cannot be serious!’  What next?  Tinkerbelle’s Definitive Book on Sumo Wrestling?  What could an engineer possibly know about influencing and persuading and why would anyone want to hear it?

Perhaps I should explain.  I am, by profession, a chemical engineer, but don’t worry, I’m better now.  My bookcase is full of works on every management, leadership and business self-help topic under the sun.  The books certainly look impressive and some even show signs of being read, a few from cover to cover.  Whilst, superficially, they explore every topic relevant to the subject, and are peppered with quotations, bullet points and buzz-words, the number of books that actually offer a ‘silver bullet’ on the subject, however, are few and far between.  Often they are written around one or two sound ideas which are then padded out, ad-nausium, no doubt to convince the reader of the value of their purchase.  As a consequence, the impact on personal performance of this newly presented knowledge is, quite often, minimal.

So who am I and what am I offering?  My name is David Sykes and, as I said, I am an engineer by profession. (No relation to Eric, but thanks for asking.) When confronted with a particular problem, my first instinct, as an engineer, is to try and understand the processes that are in play and therefore the reasons behind the eventual solution. Although the solution might work admirably, unless I know why it works, the next time I am confronted with the same problem, I find myself scratching my head, trying to remember what to do again.

Many years ago, when I moved from chemical engineering into people management, I found myself in unchartered waters.  Without any underlying understanding of people and the reasons why they behave as they do, I found myself making fundamental errors as I sought to fulfil my objectives.  With no underpinning knowledge, I was literally, making it up as I went along.  When you are the boss, however, what does it matter?  ‘It’s my bat and my ball’ I concluded, so despite the emotional carnage I left in my wake, the job usually got done.

Fortunately, at the peak of my frustrations, I found myself working for a new MD.  He was both personable and persuasive and an excellent mentor.  He had a degree in psychology and during the time I worked with him, he offered new insights into why people behaved in the way they did and how I could use this knowledge to influence them to achieve my objectives.   This knowledge was useful in my role as a manager; at one stage, I was responsible for a department with over 380 employees together with all the people-problems that brings.  It proved invaluable, however, when I took on a role as a project manager where I had no direct reports.  The only way I could achieve my very stretching objectives, therefore, was through influencing and persuading the people who could take the actions that were needed.  This, quite simply, was the only way I could succeed.

This book is one outcome of that valuable learning.  (Another is my book, ‘Leadership, a Formula for Success’, which covers many of the same topics.  If your objective is to become a better leader, I strongly recommend you buy the Leadership book instead.  It is available from Lulu publications as well as the usual on-line retailers.)  In ‘An Engineer’s Guide to Influencing & Persuading’, I present the subject in a methodical, easy-to-read, step-by-step, waffle-free way.  Divided into ten modules, you will discover what drives human behaviour, the varied and sometimes complex processes of communication that we all employ, and how you can use this knowledge, effectively, to influence and persuade people to get what you want.  At the end of each module, I summarise the nuggets you need to remember if you are to be successful.

In other words, instead of being a zippy, ‘sexy’, exciting smorgasbord of disjointed ideas, it moves gently along, following a proven methodology.  By the end of the book, you will find that your behaviour has subtly changed and you will be confident in your ability to persuade and influence people.  Why is it important for us to be able to influence and persuade people? To help us achieve our personal goals and ambitions, of course.  So, it’s your choice; go elsewhere for ‘fast and zippy’ or take it steady and become confident in your influencing skills.  A little like the tortoise and the hare, really.  (‘The Tortoises’ Guide to Influencing’ didn’t quite have the same ring!)

So who is it written for?  I have written this primarily to help people in their work situation, particularly where they have no authority over those they have to deal with.  People who need to influence and persuade others if they are to achieve the results demanded of them by themselves and their organisation.  The learning, however, can be applied outside the workplace and indeed, in any social situation.  It is not a specialist book, however; if you are in telephone sales, for instance, there are books specifically written to help you make the sale.  It is primarily for people who wish to improve their interpersonal skills and have POWER WITH PEOPLE rather than over people.

Finally, what’s in it for you?  If you currently struggle to get your ideas accepted or feel invisible to those around you, this book will provide you with a road map for change.  By managing your own behaviour you will realise how easy it is to influence the behaviour of others.   Work through the modules, do the exercises, apply the learning within 24-hours of discovering it (since that’s how training works) and you will realise that influencing and persuading people is not only easy, but extremely rewarding.  Trust me, I’m an engineer!

January 2017

MODULE 1 – UNDERSTANDING PEOPLE

Influencing – A Definition

For the purpose of this programme, let us define influencing as:

The capacity or power of persons or things to be a compelling force on, or produce effects on the actions, behaviour, opinions etc of others.

Alternatively, we could define influencing as:

The action or process of producing the effects on the actions, behaviour, opinions, etc of another or others.

In other word, by our own actions, we change the behaviour, actions and opinions of other people in order to align them to our personal goals, or simply, to get what we want. The key word, of course, is people.  So why is it important that we understand people?

In the eighties I attended a course by an organisation called Career Track.  As I wrote this I decided to Google it and it was no surprise to find that it is still in business.  The courses were developed in the USA and are very intense, powerful learning sessions.  This particular course was designed by Jimmy Calano and Jeff Salzman.  I know this because in those days I kept a Filofax and whenever I attended a course or read a book that gave me new insights into how to be a better manager, I wrote down the key elements in my Filofax.  I have continued to this day, although I am more likely to record it on my iPad.  I encourage you to do the same.

The Core Beliefs that underpinned the course were:

- Success is the process of overcoming obstacles (and all are overcomeable)

- There are no victims

- Success is simple (not easy, but simple)

- All business is people business

- There has never been a better time to achieve success.

These principles are as valid today as they were then and, as such, underpin our discussions on influencing and persuading in the next 10 Modules.  The one particular belief that resonated with me is that all businesses are people businesses.

Understanding People

If we are to be successful at influencing and persuading people, our first port of call is to understand them.  So, what do we know about people?  When I run this as a training course I always start by asking the delegates to give me descriptors of the products or services that they make.  If, for instance, they are in a bakery making bread, they might describe the product in terms of weight, density, colour, flavour, size etc, all of which will give some prediction as to how the product will perform. If we apply the same descriptors to people, however, the impact of these measures on their performance is meaningless.

I then ask them to think of some descriptors of people that might help predict their performance.  Perhaps you’d like to think of some yourself and write them down.  I am sure within your list the word ‘attitude’ appears.  We can all think of people who have a distinctly ‘bad attitude’, and equally we can recall employees we value, usually because they display what we consider to be a ‘good attitude’.

Another descriptor which always appears is ‘personality’, since we all recognise that each of us has our own unique personality.  The word personality comes from the Greek word persona which means ‘mask’, and the theorists tell us that our personality forms within the first four years of our lives.

The last word I usually tease out from the group is ‘behaviour’, and if you have children you will be familiar with the difference between good and bad behaviour.  Since this book is about influencing and persuading, let us go back to the three descriptors and see which ones we can directly influence.  We can certainly influence attitude.  If you want to validate this, the next time you are in an argument with someone, say this: I don’t like your attitude!  I guarantee it will change.  Will it get better or worse?  We all know it will get worse as people dig into their entrenched positions, clam up or come out fighting!  So the only way we can DIRECTLY influence attitude is to make it worse.  We can INDIRECTLY influence attitude, but this is more difficult and one of the key elements of this book. 

Another key fact to remember about attitude is that it is relative.  If you were a vicar attending a convention of vicars, and one of your colleagues turned up in biker gear, you might turn to the vicar next to you and say, See, I told you he had a bad attitude!  If you were a Hells Angel, however, and one of the gang turned up dressed as a vicar, well... 

I once ran a project which involved selecting people to become team leaders.  One of the candidates scored very highly in all of the tests, meriting him a place on the leadership training course.  The manufacturing director came to see me and he was clearly wound up.  His response to my proposal to select the line operator for leadership training was ‘no way, Jose!’  When I asked why, he said, "You don’t know this guy, he’s got a real bad attitude."  When I asked why he thought that, he said that he was always in the personnel department complaining that the overtime wasn’t shared out fairly!  I posed the question to him maybe the overtime wasn’t shared out fairly!  I then said if the operator genuinely proved to be a troublemaker and disruptive to the programme, I would personally sack him.  The need never arose; he lapped up the training, passed the assessments with flying colours and made an excellent line leader.  The last time I checked, a few years later, he had been promoted to production manager. 

One final word on attitude; people perceive attitudes in both you and the organisation you work for.  If, for example, all the directors have nice parking spots next to the main door and you are left to walk a mile from a dirt filled wasteland, you can rightly assume an uncaring attitude by the company bosses however much your company mission statement might tell you how much you are valued!

So what about personality?  I mentioned it comes from the Greek word for mask, but personality is more than a mask, and sometimes we don’t even have an insight into our own personality.  If we were an iceberg, of which nine tenths is below the water, then this would be our personality.  We might define personality as our values and beliefs and unless we are really self-aware, there are some aspects of our personality we do not understand ourselves.  We cannot, therefore, directly influence personality, and in fact, we have no right to try.  People can change their personalities over time, but the change comes from within. 

We can measure personality; there are a number of psychometric tests that can give us an insight into a person’s suitability for a role.  Two elements of personality which everyone identifies with are the terms ‘extravert’ and ‘introvert’.  When selecting team leaders for the above project, we used an instrument called 16PF.  This involved setting an ideal profile for the position in terms of the 16 Personality Factors measured by the instrument.  We decided that we wanted people who were slightly introverted.  Extroverts look for group acceptance and therefore find it difficult to take tough decisions that affect their team members.  Introverts tend to be more objective and look at what is required without overly worrying about the effect on individuals. 

Psychometric tests are a useful way of getting an insight into our own personalities, and I would encourage you, if the opportunity arises, to undertake one if offered.  Certainly, if you apply for a different job, you may be required to take one as part of the selection process, but beware, answer them honestly, they are difficult to fake and the tests are designed to highlight any ‘faking’

Back to our iceberg.  If the nine tenths below the water is our personality, the one tenth above it, which everyone sees, is our behaviour.  This is the one element of a person that we can influence and change, if we wish.  By this stage, perhaps, your ears pricked up.  So there is a means to change people’s behaviour and ‘make’ them do what we want!  Please be clear, the purpose of this training is not to have power over people, but power with people.  People have free will and we cannot make them do anything, we can only influence them by what we say and do.

The techniques to help people become more cooperative will come later; the real benefit from this module is by understanding and managing our OWN behaviour.

One interesting aspect of behaviour is that we tend to associate it with a person’s personality.  If we are greeted politely with a smile by the person at the supermarket checkout, we are tempted to assume that they are friendly, carefree people!  People who regularly interface with the general public are trained to adopt friendly cooperative behaviour.   We become more forgiving and less confrontational when people greet us with a smile.   Clearly, adopting cooperative behaviour has a big influence of people’s perception of us!

Behavioural Styles

Just as people have different personalities, they also have a preferred way of behaving.  This can be broadly categorised and to a degree, measured.  As I said earlier, the focus at this stage of the programme is on OUR behaviour.  If we can manage our own behaviour we can begin to influence the behaviour of others.  Below is a simple Behavioural Style questionnaire which I would like you to complete and then score as shown in the explanation:

BEHAVIOURAL STYLE EVALUATOR

To understand the significance of the questionnaire, we need to think of some of the people who we know and perhaps work with, including our boss.  We are all individuals, but like most areas in life, there are common traits which can be identified in everyone.  Some people are easy going and quite relaxed, whereas others can appear to be quite dominating.  It is possible then