COROT SCAU Aasoycoode — cesaaeerDace ‘cutasupoan esanest Fatners Dear Deadbeat The subtle art Oy eo rn Dear Subscriber: Several moritha ago, you accepted an offer to subscribe to our fne magazine. My records indicate, however, that you have yet to full ‘Your financial igation. Tm ste th i 9 simple oversight, DU you {0 not send your payment promptly, I wil have no choice but to Suspend your subscrpuon. Won't you please mall your payment immeciatsly? ‘Your prompt attention to this matter is greatly appreciated, sinc, SoM er Erect tern Schelpe Dectr Dear Subscriber: Before you decided to subscribe to our prestigious publication, you may recall, we sent you an oversized package with many color pictures and quotations from famous people. There we flattered You, We dascrbes you as the sort of ‘thoughtful reader” who might Enjoy our ‘provocative stories” and "poignant portraits." We said Vou ‘are 2 parson whe "demanded more from 2 magazine,” 2 person Whe Poprecinted "beauty and insight” ie now belive this was a mistake, \Wiile our marketing research suggests that you are member of 3 cemographic group coveted by cur advertisers and thet you already Subscribe to several simiar(ifinferor and not se prestigious) magazines, this obviously does net tel the whale story. Our research ‘id nat indicate, for example, that you are an ebligation-Routing Tayabout bent an resisting a reasonable attempts to collect the ‘mount you now owe. “rus, the amount is not large just $12.95. But that kind of makes it worse, don't you think? Anyone might find rimsslf unable to meet = Commitment of $1000 or even $500. Sut stiffng an award-winning magazine for less than $13 sounds, frankly, ike the behavior of & demented person, or maybe a drug addict, ‘So won't you please mall your payment immediately? ‘Your prompt attention to this matt is appreciates. sincerely, ca Mov ——Dear Drug Addict: ‘Have you thought about sesking help? No, realy. Parhaps you have = ‘serious problem. Maybe yeu gree agi at shirking responsiblity when ‘you changed your name, moved out of state, and stopped paying ‘Chid suppor. or parnapa you have soma expensive, ‘barely Iago ‘sexual appetites the authonives might be interested in knowing bout? “Tis is the third letter you have received, stil with no response. Why ‘é0 you humilate us so? And how can you bear to bring crushing ‘Shame upon yourself month after maneh By reading our enticaly ‘eclaimed and internationally fated magazine with net 9 thought in {he world for paying forthe edification and enjoyment you have {eceived? Is ths the example you wish to 3et for your Children, ‘Should you ever see them agai? Do you want them to reach ‘adulthood with the atrophiod sense of moral responsibilty and ‘Comprehensive knowledge of ilegal cable descrambing devices that ‘now appears to be thei brthnghe? ‘ease mail your payment immaciataly. Your promptness is >opreciated. ‘sincerely, eC Ufone Everett 8, Marsh ‘Subscription Diractor, Hay! Marquia be Sade: How are you sleeping? are you sleeping the baby-Ike sleep familiar to paying reacors of award-winning, cifically acclammed and Intemationally fated magazines? certainly hope net. Some pang of ‘conscience Would at east suggest there ja chance that you might ‘one day Jom us here in the ranks of civl secety. Franky, we don't want your money, the money you took from those ‘poor, doomed children of yours to finance your feul crusades against [Rature. Tha thought of you regarding cur magazine with your ‘bugged, addled eyes and dimpied, scabbed fists, month in and month ‘out, turns our stomachs, Thave 3 rind to tormnate your ‘subscription based selaly on my unbounded diegust and my inabilty, fom where I sit, to spit on you and your possessions. {af you mail your payment immediately, however {might reconsider. lease, in the name of al that is good and clean, take this ‘oppertunity to diapay some mirwnal humanity and unburden Future ‘gonerations of the damnable mark you have brought upon yoursolt ‘Snd your descendants by maiing the smal amount you owe Us right ‘an2y, you contomptble, depraved, foul monstrosity. Sincersly, A Leverett R, Marsh Subscription Director .5, If you have already sent your payment, please disregard this notice. Our letters probably crossed in tha mal.