1.

13 x 7 = 28

Takes place in a kitchen on a ship. 28 doughnuts have

just been baked. Costello and another man place the
doughnuts on a table. Abbott reaches for a doughnut when
the dialoge starts.

COSTELLO:
No, no snookie dont. . dont

ABBOTT:
Aw, c'mon one doughnut

COSTELLO:
I haven't got enought. I can't
afford it. I've just baked 28 of
these things.

ABBOTT:
Well. . .

COSTELLO:
I mean. . after all, I've got
seven officers that I have to
feed and I've got just enough to
give them. . 13 a piece.

ABBOTT:
What? . .

COSTELLO:
13 a piece.

ABBOTT:
13 a piece?? Seven officers?

COSTELLO:
Yea!

ABBOTT:
Each gets 13? You've only got 28.

COSTELLO:
Yea, that's right I've got 28
doughtnuts 'n 7 . . 13. . 'n I
got to give it to them.

CONTINUED
 2.

CONTINUED

ABBOTT:
Seven 13's are 28?

COSTELLO:
Yeah.

ABBOTT:
That's ridiculous. 7 times 4 is
28. . not 7 times 13.

COSTELLO:
7 times 4 is 28?

ABBOTT:
Sure

COSTELLO:
(Talking to Dizzy)
7 times 4 is 28. Must have went
to a cheap school

(now talking back to Abbott)

I'm mean 7 times .uh . .7 times

13 is 28

ABBOTT:
That's ridiculous

COSTELLO:
Com'here. .

(walking to blackboard)

. . .I'll figure it out here.

ABBOTT:
What's a matter with you.

COSTELLO:
I've got this all figured out.
Look here.
ABBOTT:
You have?

CONTINUED
 3.

CONTINUED

COSTELLO:
Yeah. I've figured it out myself.

ABBOTT:
Prove that to me.

COSTELLO:
(eracing board)
I'll prove it to ya. . dont
worry.

ABBOTT:
That's ridiculous

COSTELLO:
No it aint, no it aint.

ABBOTT:
Aw, come, come.

COSTELLO:
No it aint. It's not ridiculous

ABBOTT:
There's no sense to your
argument.

COSTELLO:
Is that so.

ABBOTT:
Go ahead.

COSTELLO:
You'll see.

Now . There were seven officers.

ABBOTT:
That's right.

COSTELLO:
There's a 7. Now I'm going to
divide and prove it to ya. Now
. .28 doughnuts.

CONTINUED
 4.

CONTINUED

ABBOTT:
28 doughnuts. Now wait a
minute. . you claim that 7 goes
into 28. . 13 times.

COSTELLO:
Uh.huh.

ABBOTT:
Prove it to me

COSTELLO:
Now 7 into 2.

ABBOTT:
What d'ya mean 7 in to 2?

COSTELLO:
7 will not go into 2 no matter
how much you try.

ABBOTT:
We know that.

COSTELLO:
You could not even push that big
7 into that little bit of 2.

ABBOTT:
Certainly not.

COSTELLO:
Therefore we can't use the 2.

ABBOTT:
What are you going to do with it?

COSTELLO:
I'm going to let Dizzy hold it

(now talking to Dizzy)

Dizzy, you hold that 2. . wont

you please. Thank you. I'll
use it later.

CONTINUED
 5.

CONTINUED

ABBOTT:
What is this all about?

COSTELLO:
Now, 7 into 8

ABBOTT AND COSTELLO:

One!

COSTELLO:
Now, were going to carry the 7.

ABBOTT:
Carry the 7.

COSTELLO:
Now carry the 7.

ABBOTT:
So carry it.

COSTELLO:
It's getting a little heavy. .
so I'll put it right down there.
7 from 8 . .

ABBOTT AND COSTELLO:

One!

COSTELLO:
Now, a minute ago. . .We didn't
use the two.

ABBOTT:
What do you mean?

COSTELLO:
I'm going to use it now.

ABBOTT:
Use it?

COSTELLO:
Dizzy. Give me back the two.
Thanks. hehe. Put it right
down there.

CONTINUED
 6.

CONTINUED

ABBOTT:
So?

COSTELLO:
See. Now, 7 into 21?

ABBOTT AND COSTELLO:

3 times.

COSTELLO:
7 . . 28. . .13

ABBOTT:
Aw, now wait a minute. Come
here. Did you ever go to school,
stupid.

COSTELLO:
Yeah. . and I came out the same
way.

ABBOTT:
Nevermind that. Multiply this.
Put down 13 up there.

COSTELLO:
Put down 13?

ABBOTT:
Yes. Now you claim that each
officer gets 13 doughnuts?

COSTELLO:
(mumbles)
ABBOTT:
Now, wait a minute. There are 7
officers? Put down 7.

COSTELLO:
7

ABBOTT:
Now draw a line.

COSTELLO:
Sure.

CONTINUED
 7.

CONTINUED

ABBOTT:
Now.. . 7 times 13 is what?

COSTELLO:
28

ABBOTT:
Prove it.

COSTELLO:
7 times 3?

ABBOTT:
21

COSTELLO:
7 times 1?

ABBOTT:
7

COSTELLO:
7 and 1?

ABBOTT:
8

COSTELLO:
2

ABBOTT:
Aw. . no. come on.

COSTELLO:
It comes out right every udda
time.

ABBOTT:
Well, it shouldn't come out
right.

COSTELLO:
It's gotta come out right or I
go into the brig. That I now.

CONTINUED
 8.

CONTINUED

ABBOTT:
Just a minute. Just a minute.
Here. We add this up. Put down
13 seven times.

COSTELLO:
Okay

ABBOTT:
We'll add it up . .that'll
straighten this out.

ABBOTT AND COSTELLO:

One. Two. Three. Four. Five.
Six.

ABBOTT:
No no. . wait. wait. wait a
minute.

COSTELLO:
Oh. . I forgot Dynamite.

ABBOTT:
Yes

COSTELLO:
Oh. . I don't want to forget
Dyanmite.

ABBOTT:
No. There are seven officers.
Now we're getting it. Now you
claim all this added up amounts
to what?

COSTELLO:
28

ABBOTT:
Now give me the chalk.

COSTELLO:
No. If you take it, it's liable
to come out right.

CONTINUED
 9.

CONTINUED

ABBOTT:
Sure. . sure. There's
something wrong. yes.

Three . six . nine. . 12 . .15.

. 18. . 21

COSTELLO:
22...23...24...25..26..27..28!

ABBOTT:
Aw!

COSTELLO:
See?