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PICK UP FUNDAMENTALS
By Ryan
Pick Up Fundamentals
Ryan randomly met RSD Executive Coach Jeffy at a London night club several years ago and asked him for advice about how to attract a particular girl. That small bit of advice Jeffy gave him lead to Ryan's success with the girl and many other beautiful women as well. One year after this encounter, Ryan was browsing prospective roommates and apartments online in the San Francisco area. By sheer coincidence, RSD Coach Jeffy was one of the advertisements that Ryan followed up with and later toured. Jeffy became impressed with Ryan and invited him to be his roommate. Over the next couple of years, Ryan was taught the intricacies of attraction and dating while going out night after night with Jeffy as his personal wingman. After graduating from a university, Ryan worked for an internet start-up company in the Bay Area. However, he found that his true passion was self-discovery, travel, and dating beautiful women while spending time alongside Jeffy at every corner of the globe. He impressed the rest of the RSD Instructor Staff so much that Tyler invited him to embark on an intensive world-wide Executive Coach training program. Today he still travels the world, but as an official RSD Executive Coach throughout North America, Europe, and Australia. He has a contagious passion for the dynamics of attraction and infectious charisma that allows clients to achieve the results they want and beyond with the women they desire.
Pick Up Fundamentals
Table Of Contents
About The Author Foreword I'd Rather Be Weird Than Lonely Chapter 1 Inner Game Fundamentals 1.1Positivity and the Abundance Frame 1.2Experience Over Arm-Chair Theorizing Chapter 2 Outer Game Fundamentals The Looks Issue Quick Fix
Stuck
2.1Expressivity: The Most Effective Way to Make 2.2Beginner Sticking Points - Where Most Rookies Get 2.3An Outline Of The Method - Forward Motion
The How To
Pick Up Fundamentals
The Open
Go Home
2.4A Guide To Blowout-Free OpeningStepping Up: g or 2.5Stepping Up: Go Big or Go Home 2.6On Polarity: Bringing Down the Hammer 2.7The Art of the Spin: The Centerpiece of My Verbal 2.8Cut the Chodeversation: Anatomy of a Spike 2.9Using Pauses to Amp the Vibe - Silence is Golden 2.10Sexual Tension What It Is and When To Use It 2.11Progressive Physical Escalation 2.12Overdriven Escalation Stacking 2.13Qualification Where it Stands in a Game 2.0
Mid Game Mid Game Mid Game Mid Game Mid Game Mid Game
Universe
2.1410 Easy Steps for Text Message Success 2.15Pull Down Pulling to Close10 Easy Steps for Text
Chapter 3 Self-Actualization Fundamentals 3.1Treating Yourself Like You Value Yourself Other FREE RSD Products
Pick Up Fundamentals
Pick Up Fundamentals of me, watching me, waiting for me to embarrass myself. I can go into all 101 reasons why this fear is irrational and unfounded, but the fact is it s
there and it s something a lot of us face. What I think is most interesting is the fact that I never used to feel this sure I d feel maybe a pinch of anxiety when approaching a hottie, but never enough to deter me. So then, why is it that before the Eurotour I was able to open without so much as batting an eyelash, and in Europe I had no qualms with being an opening machine yet upon arriving home I found myself faced with almost paralyzing anxiety? The answer is, in Europe I never had to face the anxiety I was essentially able to rationalize it away under the umbrella of anonymity. Back in the US, not only did I not have perceived anonymity to hide behind, but I essentially hadn t faced anxiety for a period of months. As a result, I d atrophied my ability to challenge my comfort zone and allowed myself to get used to simply doing and not doing what I felt like . As a result, my entire thought process changed on an everyday level. Whereas before Europe on seeing a girl my brain would simply say Girl hot girl Go , after Europe the process became Girl oh she s not even that hot plus she s on the phone ah that guy near her must be her boyfriend I shoulda gelled my hair today basically rationalizing all the reasons why not to approach. I knew all the reasons why approach anxiety is ridiculous and irrational, and how our comfort zone can be likened to physical flexibility in that it expands when actively stretched. Still though, when faced with the prospect of opening the cute girl shopping for organic produce at Whole Foods I d immediately become aware of everyone else around me, the other shoppers, the guy restacking the apples, the girl doing inventory of celery, and the thoughts would follow what if they think I m weird what if they tell me not to shop here any more . It seemed no matter how much I tried to convince myself otherwise, all the reasoning in the world couldn t snap me out of the stagnation - until one night while climbing in bed alone I had an epiphany. I d Rather Be Weird than Lonely. And it hit me. I could continue down the path I was on no attention would be drawn to me no one would stop to watch as I opened strangers, no store employees would see 6
Pick Up Fundamentals me meeting girls I could completely blend in if I wanted to. But I knew, if I didn t want to stand out when it came to opening, I d never stand out when it came to closing either.
So I asked myself would I rather be weird or lonely? Would I rather be That Guy at the grocery store that chatted up the hottie and have a hot girl in my bed, or be the invisible guy at the grocery store and sleep alone? The answer was clear. I told myself people are gonna look at me GOOD . I ll be judged as that guy well fuck it I AM THAT GUY . I m also THAT GUY that left the party to hook up with multiple-girls, THAT GUY left the club with the stripper, THAT GUY that got caught after he pulled to the bathroom So bring it on if people think I m weird than so-be-it, that s something I m willing to accept. Just don t come to me and say mannn, I wish I could get girls like that when in reality you never gave yourself a chance never took the first step. Let go of what other people might think about you, recognize that to accel in this game you will become polarizing. Embrace it, roll with it, and decide what s important to you. As for me yeah, I ll keep being that guy
Pick Up Fundamentals
Chapter 1
Inner Game Fundamentals
Pick Up Fundamentals
Pick Up Fundamentals the lead of others and continue feeding the abundance in your life. So then, as you initiate an action your expectations project outwardly, to a huge extent determining the results you get back. This happens on a 1-to-1 basis as shown in the hi example you say hi and smile girl assumes others have reacted positively in the past and thus reacts positively. When we talk about the abundance frame however we re going beyond a 1-to-1 correlation by indicating our life experience beyond 1-to-1 interactions. It s no coincidence that there s a strong correlation between guys who are positive and guys who get laid. Put simply, your attitude is a girl s first insight into your reality it lets the girl know what kind of life you ve led and whether you come from a position of abundance or a position of scarcity. Every situation is viewed through a lens of our own choosing those that come from a place of positive reference experiences generally adopt positive frames those with negative experiences do the opposite. Consider this example you arrive at a club to find the entry line stretching down the block. In front of you in line are 2 cute girls. You turn to your mate and say: Great, I told you we should have left earlier look at this line, we re never gonna get in
What you ve communicated here is: I ve been turned away from clubs many times things in the past have a way of NOT working out for me which is why I worry about things like getting to the club early. Beyond that, you re indicating your value in relation to your friend s value I told you we should have means you re operating on your friend s timetable rather than your own. As a result, girls think: Chode. Now let s take the flip-side You arrive to find the long line
Alright awesome! Looks like it s gonna be a crazy party inside. And in an instant you ve communicated that life has been good to you that things work out for you. That you ve never experienced being turned away from a club and that you come from a life of abundance. Your reality is attractive and all the sudden it becomes a reality the girl wants to be a part of. 10
Pick Up Fundamentals
The fact is, both realities are accurate waiting in a long line does suck, and a long line IS usually indicative of a good party. Which reality you choose to acknowledge or which lens you peer through is fully under your own control. So when a drink gets spilled on you at the club, you can either say god damn it this is gonna stain, it s an expensive shirt, what an asshole . OR, you can say Haha nice It s crazy hot in here, a cold drink down my back is exactly what I needed In either case your shirt is still wet so the choice is yours, you can either be the guy in a stained shirt standing alone, or the guy in a stained shirt with a girl. In the end just remember, your lens your ability to positively reframe is the biggest insight you give people into your previous life experience. And since everyone is looking to follow the lead of others let them know that your life experience has been a good one.
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Pick Up Fundamentals If not, stop what you re doing immediately, approach a girl, and get confirmation on your it would seem that so that it then becomes an in my experience . By this point, half of you are nodding like yeah, that s right and some of you are inevitably
thinking But isn t it efficient to learn from the mistakes of others and to get feedback from those more experienced than you? The answer is Yes, BUT, wisdom without reference experience is WORTHLESS. So if we re talking about escalation and you re the guy saying well I ve heard that bad news: you don t even qualify to begin learning escalation until you ve first gone out, tried it, fucked it up, tried some more, then fucked it up some more. Only then will you even begin to benefit from all the Club Game and Sexual Escalation posts you so dedicatedly submerge yourself in. And guess what when you do post Funny thing happened last night that I d love to get feedback on the quality of feedback you get is actually much higher because those who know what they re talking about actually recognize that you re a man of action. Thing is, pretty quickly you ll realize that it s actually more efficient to just go out and fill in the blanks on your own. Take individual responsibility and get out there and actually DO. And if once you ve actually gone out and DONE, if you still disagree, then you can comment just make sure it starts with in my experience .
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Chapter 2
Outer Game Fundamentals
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Expressivity: The Most Effective Way to Make Yourself More Physically Attractive
Let s talk about the single easiest and most effective way to make yourself more physically attractive instantly! In fact, if there s one thing I could instantly change in my students to get them creating more physical attraction from hello this would be it I m talking, of course, about EXPRESSIVITY both facial and body.
Seriously, if used properly, expressivity can take you from a solid 5 to a 7 on the looks scale or 6 to 8 or 6.5 to well you get the point. Ok, on average, how long would you say you look at a photograph? 2 seconds? 3 seconds ? And on the flip side, how long on average do you stare at your television? Simply put adding MOVEMENT to your interaction is how you go about creating a VISUAL EXPERIENCE for the girl. It keeps her wanting to look at you it makes you LOOK CHARISMATIC! 15
Pick Up Fundamentals
Up until this past weekend I ve had the hardest of times getting students to introduce this oh so simple change into their interactions it was like ramming my head into a wall I d tried everything, even going as far as standing behind the student literally controlling his arms to make accompanying gestures complimentary to whatever he s saying. Still, no dice Until this past weekend, when I remembered a trip I d taken to Israel, enter epiphany. *Begin Tangent* Being somewhat Arab-looking , one can imagine the predictable skepticism I was faced with when que-ing at the velvet rope of crowded Tel Aviv nightclubs. Club after club greeted me with the same single word (in Hebrew) : Weapon. Usually something to the effect of: Bouncer: Weapon? Me: Huh? Bouncer: Where s your knife? Where s your gun?? Me: Uhhhh, I don t have one. Bouncer: You re American? Me: Yeah Bouncer: Ohhhhhh, ok yes, please, come right in! *End Tangent* This experience proved useful this past weekend when my student absolutely refused to take his arms from his side while in set. It reminded me of that Seinfeld episode with Raquel Welch. The guy understood the concept of physical expressivity on a practical level but just had the toughest time adjusting his behavior in set. Then it occurred to me (we ll call him Tom) Me: Ok Tom, here s the deal. Every girl you approach, you need to imagine that she s airport security, and you ve gotta show her that you ve got no knife on you. I proceed in mock disarming gestures See, no knife in this hand no knife in the other hand nothing up my sleeves either look, check my back pockets no knife from now on when talking to a girl you must at all times be asking yourself what am I doing to show her that I haven t got a knife? 16
Pick Up Fundamentals
Something clicked in Tom, he got it. And while his next couple interactions looked almost shifty, if not comical, the girls were responding. A few minutes later, with the Lonely Island hit I m On A Boat blazing over the sound system, Tom stood lip-locked with a cutie in purple (still alternating palms out, weaponless ;-) Bottom line is, I know not a single person that s good with girls that is not both very animated facially, as well as physically. While facial animation can take a little bit longer to dial the physical is an instant-fix, and I promise will yield immediate tangible results. Just remember where s your knife? Not in your left hand not in your right Have fun with it !
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Pick Up Fundamentals So it s not What do you like to do? instead go first and let her follow I m really into snowboarding will usually be followed by her reciprocating by telling you what she s into. Share your opinion don t be some impartial reporter, let her know what you think that s really weird that reminds me of the time I .
5. Growing Roots Guys, it s not let s stand here and talk for 2 hours then go back to mine. It just doesn t work like that it s more like Let s go to the bar now let s go dance now let s go chill now let s go back to the bar now let s go outside now let s go chill now let s grab something to eat now let s go back to mine. Get her into the habit of following you on the little things first, before you go for the big ones. This also leads into our next point. 6. Fighting Against the Current Look, if you re talking to a girl and you see her standing there with an empty drink I got news for you she s gonna go to the bar at some point. You can only hold her in one place for so long before she gets thirsty. Likewise if a girl tells you she loves to dance you re only going to be able to keep her on the sofa for so long before she leaves to go dance. If you see a girl glancing around to see where her friends are she s going to want to find her friends no matter how charming you are. Instead of working against the current and trying to hold her, let her momentum work with you. Meaning, when I see a girl s drink is empty I say I m thirsty, come with me to the bar . When you see a girl looking around to see where her friends are, pre-empt her walking off to find them Hey, we haven t seen your friends in a while let s go see where they went. Really, what s she gonna say No ?? Fuck you ??? 7. Spinning the Wheels Ok so you re at the club, girl is in a party mood and she REALLY likes you. Well, I don t care how interesting you are, you can only have a friendly conversation for so long before it gets BORING. Or, even worse, before she thinks you re a prude that s scared to escalate. This is SOOOO common, guy likes girl, girl likes guy guy and girl talk for an hour guy does nothing to escalate either physically or verbally, guy and girl go their separate ways. Girl concludes guy doesn t like her, feels insecure, develops eating disorder. 8. Filler Speak This is where the guy is scared to reveal himself and his own thoughts and feelings, so instead he seeks to fill the conversation using external stimulus, yeah the lighting in this bar is really cool oh the DJ is pretty good tonight yeah I m drinking a vodka tonic. Quit hiding say what s really on your mind. 19
Pick Up Fundamentals
9. Not Communicating Interest I ll make this simple. A girl won t like you until you like her. A girl doesn t know you like her until you TELL HER you like her. This can take place verbally or non-verbally but if you have a problem with this make a resolution right now that the next 100 girls you talk to will get told either you re hot , you re sexy , or I like you . PERIOD. NO EXCEPTIONS. 10. No Physicality Simply put, get VERY comfortable being physical. How? Just be VERY TOUCHY. Practice makes perfect it s not rocket science. 11. Assuming It s Not On ARGH, I can t tell you how many times I ve seen a guy walk away from a girl that likes him only to say really? You think she was into me? after I point out the obvious. Guys if she s talking to you she s interested. It s that simple. To be clear She is into you unless she makes it blatantly clear otherwise. 12. Ignoring the Friends Take a moment to introduce yourself and chat to her friends, this will make your job much easier down the line. 13. Not Trying for the Close Assume you re closing, get verification one way or the other. No exceptions. And lastly 14. Giving a Fuck What Other People Think Repeat after me I DO NOT GIVE A FUCK WHAT ANYONE THINKS ABOUT ME . Good now say it like you mean it.
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Pick Up Fundamentals instance opening with a claw God you re gorgeous, I had to meet you, I m Ryan if pulled
off right can take care of (1) (2) (3) (4) and a little bit of (5) all at once. Assuming my delivery here is perfect, it would actually be COUNTER-PRODUCTIVE to spend the next 10 mins in (3). Just like if you ve already made out with a girl you wouldn t go backwards and re-open the girl If the girl already likes you and you re escalating it d be equally counter-productive to go back to attract her (4). When I m out talking to a girl, my focus is not to flirt, not to attract, not to open I m there to close. As such, I view all the other pieces as steps on the way to the close I m not thinking what can I say to keep her talking to me or I wonder if she likes me I m thinking I want to close. . From there I do 1 of 2 things I either escalate and try to close (5) and (7) OR if experience and intuition tells me I can t I look back and say What s missing? What piece to I need to cover to get the close . So then an interaction for me looks like (1) (2 a little bit) (3) (5) (7 doesn t work) (4) (7 still not yet) (6) (7 nope) (4) (7 almost now) (2 all the way now) (5) (7) Success. The whole time I m working for the close, actively trying for the close and when the close doesn t happen I look back, consider which of the previous ingredients is lacking, add more of it, and try for (7) again. Trying for the close is a gauge for me, it lets me know if I m there now if not it lets me know where I am, and it further tells me what s missing. Quick Tangent on Closing: Most guys aren t even going for the close they think if they bounce around in (4) enough the close will magically happen and even if they do go for the close they do so as a do-or-die move, they bounce around in (4) for an hour, try for (7), if it works great and if not they view it as a fail and give up trying. If you re always succeeding at the close on your first try it means you re not trying enough! Just like in basketball if your shooting 100%, it doesn t mean you re a great shooter it means you re not taking enough shots! -End TangentThe whole interaction is constant forward motion no time spent or action taken simply for the purpose of passing time rather everything is intentional with a constant forward motion applied. 22
Pick Up Fundamentals This is why at this point in my game if you give me enough time with a girl there is honestly no way I can fail. If it s not on in 5 mins, give me 10. If after 10 I don t have it and you give me 10 more mins I ll get it. And if I can t get it by then, give me 20 more and you can bet I ll have it. And when you think about it if you ve got a working model and are moving forward there s NO REASON why ANY GUY should not be able to get ANY GIRL if given enough time. A PU is a journey from A to B there s a clear direction to move in to get to your destination. Sure it s great to stop and smell the roses along the way but this ain t no flower walk, we re going somewhere so let s get moving on the way.
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2. Opening Dynamics Ok, so you see a Hot Babe you d like to meet/close, popular opinion is to not open her directly but to open the obstacle first. This is true most of the time by virtue of the fact that the HB is usually the center of attention anyway, but fact is, which group member you should approach has less to do with attractiveness and instead is more about which one will be more welcoming to you. Once you re in set in the group, its easy to switch your attention to the target (at the appropriate time). So we know who to approach and when lets get down to the how When approaching a group, approach the side of the girl you gauge to be most receptive. Gently touch her arm to get her attention, and proceed with a concise opener (not without grounding it i.e. hey my friends and I are discussing ____ and I was wondering if I could get your opinion on _____. (Opener) . Now as you run your opener, you ll notice the rest of the group giving you suspicious looks, as they should be. Solution: Run opener on Receptive Girl (RG), but before she has a chance to respond break eye contact with her and address group as whole with same question (like you re trying to include them in discussion. Again, before group has chance to respond, look back to RG for answer/reaction. By doing this, you are both disarming the group (showing them your harmless intent, that you want to include them, and getting them involved and interacting with you. For the next minute you can repeat this sequence, make comment to RG, repeat to group, then point (literally) to group member you would like to respond to your statement/question. Switch it around, call on different people, spread your eye contact and reactional opportunities equally throughout the group until you are ready to isolate target. 3. The Opener I seriously advise you avoid using any opener you read on the internet. For one thing, the opener sets the tone of the conversation and provides her the first glimpse of your personality. From this point, anything you say will be measured against your opener for congruence thus if the opener isn t your own, your further talk wont be congruent, and since girls are ultra perceptive of this sort of thing, it s less than ideal. Instead, read openers and try to understand the general principles at play. A huge mistake people make is they decide which opener they will use before finding a girl to use it on. This is clearly an incorrect and illogical sequence (I spent 10 minutes trying to think of appropriate simile, but alas, I lack the way with words, let me know if you come up 25
Pick Up Fundamentals
with one) - instead you want to assess the girl s state and then use an opener appropriate to that state. That is worth elaborating on your opener should be matched to your reading of the girl. If you perceive the girl as sexual, you will be less successful asking for a quick female opinion on something then you will be with a direct or situational opener. Likewise, if you perceive the girl as timid, she ll probably shy away from a direct opener while she ll respond to your request for a quick opinion. When Approaching it is very important that you gain eye contact with RG (maybe target, maybe not) and gauge her interest in you. That is, if she shoots you solid eye contact and a provocative look, opening with an opinion will be perceived as a sexual de-escalation and will lower your value. You must gauge her initial interest and calibrate your opener to accommodate that sexual energy. Anything less will be viewed as a cowardly de-escalation and will lead to a blowout. Opinion Openers: Though I personally think opinion openers are the least optimal, if you re going to use an opinion, ask something relevant. I don t like asking who s sexier Spiderman or Superman because I don t care girls can tell this they are ultra perceptive. Sure you can practice and rehearse to act like you care, but why bother how is being able to convincingly ask a dumb question a good skill to have??? So if you are going to use an opinion or open with a question, make it a question you care about. I was just in Prague and I got this bracelet, do you like it or do you think its girly? I m not really from around here and I notice everyone here wears really dark colors, why do you think that is? What do you think of a guy who wears bright colors like this? ect you get the idea. You notice even though these are opinion openers, they are situation-based and thus are relevant to the moment. Also these are Demonstrations of Higher Value. If you ask which superhero is sexier, it is abstract and the girl has little incentive to respond. With a situational opinion you make her feel like she is helping (which she wants to do) and that she is being useful, and thus that the interaction matters (she is invested in your success). Bottom line, make your opinion opener relevant to something currently observable. Situational Openers: These are my favorite. They cut through the crap of an opinion opener as they are more direct and personal, and are less likely to be viewed as a cowardly sexual de-escalation. I ve closed several girls with Hey, I gotta give you a compliment on something you have the meanest most uninviting look on your face, its fantastic, do you practice that look in front of the mirror? This works because it s true. Or Ok, that s twice that I ve walked by 26
Pick Up Fundamentals
and you shot me a funny look, what s the deal? To be clear, these are not de-escalated situationals (i.e. it sure is hot in here), but are actually semi-personal. I know other people have had great results with things like I had to come over and talk to you because you radiate a great energy . Again, whether this is bullshit or not, the girl perceives this as situational you saw a great energy and thus had to talk to her. Direct Openers: Hi (pause) Hi, my name is Ryan ect. These are the most escalated openers and require a very strong sexual state on your part to be effective. Notice again, if the girl is timid or has not made interested eye contact with you she wont respond positively to your direct opener. At the same time, if she has indicated interest or sexuality, this is the best way to go as an opinion is a de-escalation and a situation is on par with her indicated interest whereas the direct opener escalates just a little bit and sets the pace you want. 4. Behavior/Bodylanguage Upon approach lightly touch her arm and as soon as she looks begin talking - don't give her conditioned response a chance to kick in before your talking and shes listening. Your body language should be slowed down, don t make jittery hand gestures, instead move your hands in smooth strokes, and gesture to who you d like to speak. keep your body language open and keep your hands visible in the beginning. Don t smile too much, but rather use well placed smiles to let them know they are behaving correctly. Use an inquisitive half-smile to prod them on, and an encouraging whole smile to let them know they did a good job. Don t cock your head up, instead keep your head level. Your voice should be un-rushed, speak at a comfortable pace. if you go into rapid-speak, it comes off as low-self-esteem and low value. When you're talking, if you get interrupted with something positive (either they answer your question before you finish or they ask you an interest-question (i.e. where are you from?) drop the opener and proceed running set, you're in. If one interrupts you with something unfavorable look at her like she's retarded/socially awkward, and do a group analysis like "ok so you're the cool one, you're the funny one, and you're the defensive/cold/impolite one". Usually the group members will laugh then agree, or else correct you. From here it is your choice, you can go back to opener, or begin new thread about the dynamics of their group. 27
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Everyone is friendly, people want to talk to you. You re much more interesting than anything else around, and they re lucky to have the pleasure of your company. We sometimes don t know how to react when strangers talk to us, which sometimes leads us to be skeptical when people approach us. For this reason, it is crucial that you establish yourself as a person and not as an intrusion. People are never rude to people, only rude to inconveniences. So when you open, if you get a funny/hesitant/suspicious look, say no really and cock your head to the side just a little bit. This should get them to lower their defenses. An illustration: Ryan: Hey, me and my friends were talking about the differences between friendly and unfriendly body language and we could really use a female opinion, what do you perceive as unfriendly body language. Ryan: (to group - before HB has chance to respond) When you girls are talking to a guy, how does your body language change if you like him versus if you don t? HB: *suspicious look* Ryan: Really I have to get back to my friends, but what do you guys think? *Head cocked slightly to the side with an inquisitive look and a nice smile* HB: blablabla Ryan: Because I noticed you were kind of standing like *imitation* when that guy came to talk to you, and that led me to think you didn t like him, is that right? HB: OMG you're totally right, bla bla bla or HB: Whats your name? -----------------Done Deal.
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5. Some Additional Pointers on Opening -Unless you are trying to hook up someone else, do not open with the topic being someone else (i.e. my friend here/there wants to _____, what do you think?). -Avoid asking things that indicate dissatisfaction with yourself. (i.e. should I dye my hair blonde?) This shows you re unhappy with the way you are and indecisive about your life. If you insist on going this route a better alternative is what do you think of guys who dye their hair blonde but who leave the dark roots visible? Do you like being able to see the roots or is it better to go blonde all the way through? Again though, its counter productive and incongruent to ask this if you re not actually considering dying your hair blonde. -I find it hard to see any situtaion where a tall guy should use an opinion opener. Height is associated with sexual presense, and as such an opinion opener will be viewed as a sexual de-escalation. tall guys should go use situational or direct only IMO with more initial sexual presense than shorter guys. 6. Progression From Outer Game to Indifference (Post Scriptum) This article is a piece I wrote 3 years ago on the topic of opening. I remember how proudly I posted it and how elated I was at the praise it received yet now it appears to me almost as a relic of my own innocent and sophomoric past. So what s the deal here have I forgotten what I used to know about opening? Has years of clubbing and emotionally relating to manic-oversexed-sorostitutes fried my ability to over-analyze?? Possibly BUT, more likely, as I ve grown and honed my craft I ve learned to sort through that which simply IS NOT RELEVANT and to instead get down to the core pieces of what makes me successful In one section I dig into how to spot the Receptive Girl (RG) in a group. Now, I look at that and think WHO GIVES A FUCK! Just get in there, be loud and fire shit in every direction! Sure we can call this unconscious competence but there s something bigger going on here the real reason guys who really get this stuff turn off to outer-game. 29
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Simply put: there s an inverse relationship between awareness and flow-state. This means that as you pick up, the more aware you are OF ANYTHING, the less able you are to access your most charismatic flow state. So yes, while having the technical understanding of how to accurately assess which girl in a group may be most receptive, or which type of opener may be most appropriate for the situation, may make it somewhat easier for me to get into set - that benefit is MORE THAN NEGATED by the burden of awareness. That s why guys who have reached the stage where they re truly getting results (pulling with regularity) will actually shun away from outer-game discussion both in terms of how they game as well as what they write/think about. Because even thinking about it is actually a reversion to a less advanced level.
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Pick Up Fundamentals
Pick Up Fundamentals
When another guy enters your set are you going to slink away and whine about it? When her friends come crashing in are you going to quietly hope they acknowledge you? When her state starts dropping do you start thinking aw man she s losing interest or do you think fuck that it s on! . Look, girls are more socially intuitive than you can imagine. They know when things are going easy for you they know when you re in a tight spot. And guess what, they re watching to see how you handle yourself. In sports, most guys dread being down by 10 points, some even shut down. But every now and then you get the exceptional athlete who thrives off being down who uses it as an opportunity to step up and truly shine. Those are the guys we immortalize. So when you feel yourself getting edged out of set are you the type that bows out, or do you reassert your relevance. Are you waiting for the convenient conversational pause, or are you proactively pushing forward? And from there, GO BIG. I don t get every girl far from it. I can deal with that what I can t deal with is wondering what if? . Oh, what if I d tried a little harder what if I d been a little bit more bold? What do I mean by this? Well there was the time I walked the girl back to her hotel where she said it was so great meeting you give me a call so we can hang out this week . Leave no room for what if Yeah great meeting you hey I really gotta pee and I ve got this thing about public toilets, do you mind if I use the bathroom in your room? And from there, GO BIG I walk out of the bathroom in my pink boxers, clothes tucked under my arm, ok cool, thanks for that, was great meeting you, bye . Needless to say, it was definitely not bye . Or the time the fatty so resolutely insisted I couldn t talk to hottie anymore (who loved me) that I literally picked up hottie over my shoulder and out-ran fattie for 6 blocks to get away. Hahaha OMG I can t believe this is happening, you re so awesome how are you even carrying me this far?? I train Crossfit . Leave no room for what if the universe isn t gonna align to get you what you want respects those who step up. it
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I guess I have to thank my wrestling coach stuck with me through the years:
The first one is: Look, there are guys out there that are bigger than you, stronger than you, have wrestled longer than you. The match isn t won by the guy with the best technique it s won by the guy with the most heart, the guy who wants it the most. Decide right now how much you want it. And the second is: When you re out there, give it everything you ve got. Leave it all out there on the mat all of it. If you do leave it all out there and you need me to carry you off the mat afterwards I will, proudly. The question becomes how much heart do YOU have? How much do you want it? How easily will you accept defeat? Each of us already has enough going against us. The last thing I ll do is let myself go against myself. My thoughts, my attitude, my actions are going to serve me, not betray me. It s up to you to do the same. Harden up, step as a man, give yourself a chance.
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Pick Up Fundamentals
know what fuck you I m keeping my shoes on . Because I think so highly of you I respond Oh that s totally fine, in fact I m sorry I even asked, please, keep your shoes on and come on in Now, at this point are you thinking wow, Ryan s such a cool guy are you thinking haha what a little bitch. More likely the latter or more realistically
On the flipside, suppose you refuse to take your shoes off and this time I say alright, that s totally your decision, but you ll have to wait in the foyer you re welcome into the living room any time you change your mind . Are you thinking Fuck this guy what an asshole or are you simply thinking Ok, here s a guy who s got clear standards he expects others to adhere to one of those being that I ve gotta take my shoes off if I wanna come in . Interestingly enough, people actually respect us more when we show that we respect our boundaries that we have clear standards and expectations of others that are inflexible and inalienable. So with a girl, I love telling her how much I like her, how much fun I m having with her, that she s great, ect. But, the moment she crosses a boundary I m equally quick to let her know she s strayed off track and to bring down the proverbial hammer if needed. How do I do this? Well, suppose I m talking to a girl and she decides to make fun of my shirt. The first time she does, I may give a little chuckle and even tease her back or playfully pretend I m sad. If she does it again I may convey that the joke has run it s course, like alright you got me , or more likely even flat out ignore it. However, if she still wants to continue giving me a hard time, at this point she s acting in a way that s unacceptable and it s up to me to let her know she s infringed on my boundaries. I ll leave no doubt in communicating this: Hey. That s enough. Hey. Behave yourself. Likewise, I understand that girls get text messages and that they sometimes need to check 35
Pick Up Fundamentals
their phone however if I m talking to a girl and she gets excessive with the texting, I have no problem letting her know she s being rude. Hey, put your phone away, you re being rude To be clear, am I saying be an asshole? Absolutely not. Am I saying don t compliment girls and be sweet? Again, absolutely not. What I am saying is that it s important that you show at least a willingness to exercise polarity and demonstrate a degree of self respect. Interestingly enough, this aspect of the game handles itself once you come into an abundance mindset. For instance, the other night myself and my good friend Rudey were out in Chicago chatting to two girls we d met. My girl, being the sarcastic type was giving me a very hard time from the go Is this your A-game?... well maybe you should start using your A-game cuz as of now you re not doing too well. Now I love girls that challenge me, but this girl was going beyond simply being a challenge she got to the point of being downright rude, oscillating between listening to me and allowing her attention to wander. Well screw that, the club was starting to get good and there s no way I ll stand for that type of behavior so I simply got up and walked away leaving her to play 3rd wheel to her friend and Rudey and think about her behavior. About 20 mins later she found me in a different part of the club and approached me Hey, there you are I paused for a moment, thought about the way she d treated me the first time around, thought about the new girl I d met who was actually polite, shook my head and said No , then walked away. Later in the night Rudey was still chatting to the friend, so I went in and ended up chatting to the original friend again. She was receptive and friendly for about 3 minutes before snapping right back into her original behavior. This was too much I grabbed Rudey by the arm, said we re moving on , and the two of us walked away without looking back. (Let me give credit to Rudey here for being a true wing) So then, the moral of the story? Well, keep reading Wouldn t you know it, later at the next club who again approaches me this time very clearly on her best behavior? By this point I was fully tired of her games so I told her as plainly as humanly possible: I m not sure I want to talk to you, you re rude She replied I like you. 36
Pick Up Fundamentals
My response I like you too, come with me . From there on out she was a total sweetheart, and I reciprocated with her being fully appreciative (and also pulling me in a cab back to her hotel) knowing my affection was not a default but rather something that she had earned and therefore had attached meaning. Looking back at the night, was I an asshole? I don t think so. Did I however show a massive willingness to bring down the hammer and communicate what I do and do not find acceptable? Completely. And on her end, can she feel good knowing she found the 1 in a million man who will not supplicate to her bratty behavior but will rather stay true to himself? Exactly. Maybe 50 Cent said it best Sunshine wouldn t be special if it weren t for rain. Show the girl that you re a man that can provide the complete spectrum, and she ll be that much more appreciative of all the good emotions you bring.
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Me: and we wouldn t have fallen in love and we wouldn t go home and make ten thousand babies so me coming here is a good thing and Again, taking the SOI so far that she literally has no choice but to reject it. (In the cases where she does accept this big an SOI it s simply straight to the makeout and pull). Notice though I m not saying this stuff and pausing I m actually ranting until the girl interrupts Girl: Haha what the I m not making babies 38
Pick Up Fundamentals
And here s where we SPIN back basically we back off but reinterpret her rejection as an indication of her interest in us. Ok THIS IS BIG! We SOI HARD, then back off, but use her strong feelings for us AS A JUSTIFICATION FOR BACKING OFF. Essentially as you back off, she goes into an agreeable frame that frame then carries into your assertion of her IOIing you. Observe: Me: Oh wait I m sorry, I shouldn t have said that you re right, we should take our time and have a proper courtship before we get started breeding the little runts. I m doing a couple things here Firstly, by referring to making babies as breeding the little runts I m further letting her know that I m only being playful and I m not actually trying to impregnate her. But beyond that and more importantly I ve built a playful vibe that she s not going to want to detract from by being disagreeable AND I ve given her something completely polite that she can very easily agree with (girls will almost never opt to detract from the vibe unless they absolutely must). Think about it I put out Having a proper courtship before making babies . There is simply no way she can disagree with this what s she gonna say no fuck you, I m gonna make babies without a proper courtship ?? So she preserves the vibe and agrees Girl: Haha Yes, I m a lady and I demand to be treated properly Me: Indeed, I ll take good care of you and buy you only the finest of tacos and I won t even insist on rough anal sex every night Girl: What the ! I m not having anal with you!
Me: Haha sweetie of course not! I just said you re my baby and I ll take care of you (Again, the backward spin) Girl: Yeah you better Me: Yeah, I d be totally content having just cutsie cuddly sweet romantic sex with you 39
Pick Up Fundamentals
you know the type where I m kissing you and hugging you (hugging her and kissing her on the forehead as I say this), and where we lay in eachother s arms afterward Here I m pretty vividly painting an experience, that because it s so polite compared to what I ve previously put out she s likely to accept and even envision so again, we SPIN. Me: And we won t need to do any of that kinky stuff at least not until we start cranking out babies and you get fat and I don t find you physically attractive anymore then we ll probably have to do kinky depraved shit just so I can even stomach it Girl: OMG you re such an asshole. At this point, depending on how into me she is, she may even qualify, like OMG you re such an asshole I d be a hot mom Or she may just spike and not qualify either is fine because now we re SPINNING back to our original loop. Me: No no, you re misunderstanding, that s the whole point, and that s why I agree we shouldn t make 10000 babies but should instead have a proper courtship with no kinky depraved sexual acts or emotional abuse and instead just appreciate the magic we have together right now. If I m able to run a spin loop like this through to completion attraction will be through the roof so much so that I m literally able to shift straight into leading and logistics. I ll assert some more togetherness, escalate more, but for the most part pending no unforeseen interruptions it s a done deal. I ll exit the loop and start to Pull Down. Me: But look, if this is going to work, we need to get to know each other on a personal level, tell me about you And on the flip side, if attraction isn t as high as I like, I ll simply enter into another spin loop, this time basing it on a real OR fabricated IOI from her and responding with another hard SOI: Me: But look, if this is going to work, we need to get to know each other on a personal 40
Pick Up Fundamentals level, tell me about you Her: Well, I m 23, I go to law school, what else do you wanna know ? Me: OMG, you re my baby, you had me before law school I don t need a resume to know how special you are look sweetie, I like you for you,
Her: I m not giving you a resume, you asked me to tell you about me so I am Me: You re right, I m sorry, I m just crazy about you, go on, tell me And that s the game folks note a couple key themes
1.) I m asserting her actions to be IOIs to me. 2.) I m getting her to accept very hard SOIs from me because they come in the form of exit loops from even harder inappropriate SOIs. 3.) My apologies are tethered to assertions of togetherness (you re my baby, etc.) so that to accept the apology is to acknowledge our being together. Try it out, give it a spin (pun intended).
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Pick Up Fundamentals
Pick Up Fundamentals
(or whatever random thing I was saying) Girl: Thanks, where are you from? So then, this could go downhill very quickly. In a past life I would have said something like oh I grew up in DC but then lived in England for a while and bla bla Boooooorrrriiiiiiiinnnggg Then I learned Game so it became Guess! LAAAAAAAAMMMEEEE (or whatever random thing Let s get to the fucking point already! Ryan: oh cool, yeah that s an interesting dress you re wearing I was saying) Girl: Thanks, where are you from? Ryan: Yeah I am single. Spike I m not here to waste time I don t need to go through the pleasantries, as it s been put elsewhere, I drive diagonally across the lanes . Let s get down to business, shall we And the dance begins The Dance Begins Girl: Haha what!? No I asked where are you from! Think you know what s coming next? Ryan: Christ, you re too cute, what am I gonna do with you ? Girl: (who is this man!?!?) Ryan: Ok that s it, it s decided I m keeping you.(hug and kiss) Guys, this is how you go beyond talking to a girl how you CREATE AN EXPERIENCE. I ve had enough chodeversations to know they re not fun. So when I feel the conversation sliding in that direction, I put a stop to it right then and there to do this I change the subject and get down to the truth of the matter. What is the truth? Well it can vary but usually if I m approaching a girl it s because I think she s hot 43 duh!
Pick Up Fundamentals
And if I think she s hot than a whole slew of other ideas come to mind. Once my thoughts go there, you can be damn sure I m not gonna slide into oh cool so where are you from? Now, obviously there is a time and place for getting to know each other but only AFTER you ve set a sexual frame for the relationship - and one tool you can use to set that sexual frame is that s right, SPIKING See guys, we re not bound by convention. We have no obligation to stick to threads, take things slow or even MAKE SENSE for that matter. We do what we want, when we want. We say what we want, when we want! So cut the BS-filler-speak, keep it unpredictable, and bring out what s really on our minds.
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pause
Oh, just south of LA Right here you very clearly communicated your expectations and got her operating on YOUR PROGRAM, and not the other way around. You wanted a specific level of detail when you asked the question, and your pause prompted her to conform to that level. When the girl asks you a question You know how in movies, the guy (or girl) says something incredibly romantic and both characters pause and look deep into each other s eyes? Like You had me at hello Jerry McGuire, you had me at hello Well, truth is moments like this almost never happen in real life BUT, we can simulate this and give the girl a similar experience. Girl: So how long have you been in Europe? Guy: (Silence pause hold eye-contact) Girl: Ummmmmm, sooo Guy: (Continues pause) Guy: 4 months. Girl: oh say) (most likely fully in her head by this point so she s not really gonna have much to
And just like that, we ve created a moment that left the girl speechless. That s right, you ever hear a girl say something like He just looked at me and I was speechless well this is how you do it. Mid-Story Guy: So it was crazy, this polar bear is catching up to me and I m running as hard as I can when I start to pause Girl: Start to what?? Guy: (silence and eyecontact) Girl: heh (nervous laugh) 46
Pick Up Fundamentals
Man this one is insanely powerful. The amount of sexual tension that can be built with just a few seconds of silence is infinitely more than any amount that can be accomplished with words. Mid-Game: A lot of guys make the mistake of over-gaming essentially they output and output and output, never asking the girl to contribute back. Understand that the longer you output for the more the girl goes into Receptive Mode. If you re motor-mouthing for 30 mins it means you ve built 30 mins of momentum with you talking from here getting her out of Receptive Mode and contributing is going to be extremely tough. While going talkative can sometimes be necessary to reach the hook point, it s important to break that momentum once you have hooked to get her contributing on a more equal basis. To do this, SIMPLY STOP TALKING. There s going to be a pause in the conversation. It s going to be weird. She will start talking to fill the awkward silence. She is now INVESTED in continuing the interaction. She s not only receiving, but also outputting in order to keep the interaction moving forward. The End Game: Later in the interaction silence is what anchors the girl to you. As long as you re talking she s being kept with you by your words. Once you stop talking and she stays, it means she s being kept by something beyond your words acknowledging that something unspoken exists between the two of you. Guys this is HUGE if all you re using is words and ACTIVE measures to get the girl, the instant you leave her side and stop actively gaming her her feelings for you begin to deflate since she does not have any feelings anchored to you in a passive frame. Meaning going passive is necessary to anchor your standing with the girl. This is a whole nother concept for another article, but here lets touch on how silence can be used as a passive anchor: After you very clearly have attraction and a degree of escalation you go silent. The girl will do 1 of two things based on her own self esteem as well as how much she likes you. She ll either Let the conversation go completely silent OR she ll go into talkative mode. 47
Pick Up Fundamentals
In either case, your response is the same you stay silent but confident, allowing your non-verbals to say we re past the chatty stage nothing more needs to be said . If the girl stays silent she s essentially acknowledging that you and her are on the same page that you re TOGETHER. Or, if she goes talkative it s likely gonna be in the form of her qualifying herself basically her feeling like she needs to GAME YOU and doing so. In either situation your case is greatly furthered and from here you can relax the home stretch. When Escalating: A natural reflex to social-pressure is getting talkative using words to release tension and de-escalate, often happening as a direct result of escalation. Now remember the central pillar of PU What You Feel She Feels. So a key mistake a lot of guys make is going talkative while trying to escalate because of the nervousness they feel. When you do so it reveals to the girl that you are in fact nervous, she thinks hey this guy is creating a situation he s nervous about there must be something not right in this situation, I m going to put a stop to it . Other times even if the guy doesn t go talkative, the girl does and the guy starts responding. In this case the girl is indicating her nervousness and the guy by following the girl s talkative lead - is essentially buying into that nervousness and making it real. Instead, even if the girl goes talkative silence can be used to assuage the feelings of nervousness remember silence indicates comfort in a given situation, so the girl thinks hmmm I m a little bit nervous but he s completely comfortable there must be nothing to be nervous about. Essentially this amounts to Emotional Leadership through passivity. Adding Emphasis and Intensity: In addition to the examples listed above, silence can be used at any point during the PU to spike the emotional seismograph and add emphasis and gravity to any given situation. So for instance take even the clich question: So what do you do? In typical context this looks like: Girl: Yeah I m wearing these shoes because I came here straight from work. Guy: Oh so what do you do? 48 you re on
Pick Up Fundamentals
Girl: I work in a dentist office What s going on here is the guy is using the fruitless subject of shoes as a means to gain rapport WEAK SAUCE. By incorporating a pause however: Girl: Yeah I m wearing these shoes because I came here straight from work. Guy: (Pause) Girl: (uhhhhhh) Guy: (Pause) Ok what is it that you do? By pausing here the guy has ended the thread about shoes so when he asks the girl what she does he s doing so from a position of genuine interest, rather than hiding behind the shoe transition. Bottom line of all the things you d like to communicate about yourself to a girl, a good number of them can be communicated more effectively through silence than through speech. Get comfortable in silence; make your speech that much more meaningful, and start Creating Moments.
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Pick Up Fundamentals
Pick Up Fundamentals
'social standards' and say "fuck what people think, lets do what feels good." Both methods have a time and a place - the first method however does not really have much sexual tension involved, so we'll focus on the 2nd. So then, the idea is that rather than trying to hide from it - you embrace what is taboo and indulge in your primal urges. How can we facilitate this? How can we "yank the shit out of the rubber-band"? Well, my favorate way of doing this is by creating a false social restriction then smashing through it. So for instance, suppose I guage that the girl has no qualms about kissing on day1, but doesn't think it's ok to give a bj on day1. I'll create a false social restriction about kissing...let the tension build (we both want to kiss eachother but can't)...then 'yank the band'/snap the tension by saying 'fuck it' and kissing her passionately. More explicitly, this looks like... When I can tell she's near ready to be kissed, I'll whisper something in her ear like "man oh man...i so want to kiss you right now...but not with your friends watching." A few minutes later I may grab her by her arse, pull her against me, and whisper to her "this is driving me crazy, I really want to kiss you but kissing in a bar is poor form". From here there's crazy high sexual tension so she'll either agree with what I've said or if she's bold she'll say "who cares". Either way, I'll kiss her HARD, then look at her devilishly, knowing we saw the line and crossed it anyway... And from here on out - we're already over the line, so we may as well keep going and see where it leads ;) In short, the model is (assuming she's already attracted and compliant with your escalation)... 1.) Create social constraints impending relatively minor escalation (or acknowledge already existing constraints) - (thus sexual tension is built) 2.) Blatently cross the minor social constraints (easy enough...you created them in the first place!) 3.) Since you're already over the line, you may as well venture further. The sky is the limit.
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Pick Up Fundamentals
Pick Up Fundamentals
Pick Up Fundamentals
Her: AAHH!! Excuse me! No touching! Me: Yeah you re right, I don t know what came over me, look, I m sorry, come here gesture for a hug, hug her for a moment, then slide my hands down to her ass). Her: Hahahah nooo no touching. Me: You re right, I m sorry, Come here
(I
From here she ll call you on your intention to grab her ass again, you try to assure her that you won t if she hugs you, obviously you grab it again ;) And repeat if she falls for it again clearly it s time to pull ;) So there you have it the ultra powerful Overdriven Escalation Stacking technique. Use wisely, and be ready to close immediately as her emotions will be driven through the roof
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Pick Up Fundamentals
to see me thinking is what step should I take now to get her . Instead, when I m out my thoughts resemble a broken record Yes!.. It s on on Yes It s
When I m in this headspace she can what kind of guy I am and the whole value issue is subverted entirely. Beyond that, consider this in field guys always ask me things like ok the girl did bla bla bla and said bla bla, what should I do? my answer is always this: Imagine you have a signed contract saying she IS going home with you tonight no matter what she s going home with you how would you behave for the rest of the night ? That is assume the pull now what?
Well I can t answer that for you, but if I m talking to a girl and I know it s on (well let s face it, it s always on ;-) then I m gonna do 2 things. 1.) Enjoy the night and 2.) Take the time to get to know her. I ll drop the game and simply start getting to know her as a person not because it s the right move, but because I like meeting people and beyond that I know I ll enjoy what comes later much more if the person actually means something to me if I like them on both a physical and personal level. And because the girl senses I m a confident guy, operating without an agenda, her natural reaction is going to be to share the parts of herself that she feels best about the parts that actually mean something to her So with traditional qualification it looked something like Guy: So I really like Italian food, what s your best dish? Girl: Oh, I cook really good spaghetti. Guy: Oh cool, I like that You can see this is happening on a very superficial level, and realistically, what are the chances that the girl actually identifies with her cooking skills ? 56
Pick Up Fundamentals
Now instead, if I simply assume it s on and allow the girl to communicate with me in a way that lets her know I m not judging her she ll much more readily open up on things she naturally identifies proudly with So it will look more like: Me: Yeah I moved to Chicago about a month ago, I love that I can just grab a cup of coffee in the morning and write for a while before I even start on my day Girl: Oh yeah, I moved here for work also, I teach autistic kids and there s a really good program for them here See, because I went first and shared a piece of myself, agenda-free, she s going to reciprocate by doing the same and what she does respond with will be infinitely more meaningful than something as trivial as her spaghetti skills. The result: I become the guy that likes her for the REAL her that appreciates the things about her that she wishes other guys would appreciate. And as all my subcommunications are showing It s On at this point is she really gonna disagree??
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9.) Get to the point. What can be said in 5 words needn't be said in 10. 10.) Have Fun! Send texts because they amuse you, not to elicit a certain response. All in all, texting is really about GIVING value. Meaning, if you're only texting to try to set up the meet, you're doing it wrong. I do a lot of texting when I've already got dates lined up, so that by necessity I can only give value since I'm too busy to meet up with the girl anyway. She should be excited when you text, like "oh look Ryan is texting me, I wonder what he's saying now...", and not "oh it's that guy from the club texting me, he's going to ask me on another date. So the majority of your texting should be playful banter, not necessarily trying to set up a date. And ofcourse, HAVE FUN with it. Send texts that make you happy, not texts designed to get a response. Be playful, push the boundaries, and above all - amuse yourself!
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Girl: Oh my God I LOVE this song! Dance with me! And she s sexy. So you dance. And you keep dancing. And now the club is closing. You: After party, woooo, SKO! Girl: I wanna dance, is there anywhere still open? And now you re asking the bouncers about after hours clubs open I think Pink Elephant is still
Except you don t want to go to Pink Elephant, you wanna go home You: After party at my place! Drinks and Wii Tenis! After party SKO!
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Girl: Your place? Is it close? You: Yeah, it s right up there, Sko, SKO! TAXI! Girl: Christine, we re going to the after party! Of course right up there is extremely relative but irrelevant because now we re on track, it s we re ON. Or are you? Here s where things go pear-shaped. You: Excuse me, Driver, could you turn on some music ? And you get to your place and play bartender with whatever you can rummage up vodka and mango juice it is And the girl is bouncing around like a after party. well cheap
She s waking up your roommates and has commandeered your laptop to play for you all her favorite Taylor Swift songs. She takes periodic breaks from the playlist to text friends. And her phone is ringing What? No I m just hanging out at hanging out drinking ok hold on She s really cool, you ll like her. hold on, what s your name again?? Yeah we re Hey do you mind if my friend Sarah comes over?
Of course she neglects to mention that Sarah s been comfort-eating herself to sleep for the past 4 months after being dumped by her ex because of her 3 way affair with Ben and Jerry But that doesn t matter because you tell her that it s better that Sarah not come because your roommates have asked you to keep it down. And you start making out. And she gets up to change the song.
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Pick Up Fundamentals And you make out. And she pauses you to send an important text.
And you stand behind her and pull her tight against you. And she kisses you. And she walks across the room to pick up her drink. And you re losing it, and you know it. You lay down as she walks around the room feigning interest in the assorted keepsakes you ve collected from along your journey, pausing periodically to tweak the playlist. Her: Do you know any clubs that are still open? And in a last ditch effort you pull her down onto the bed with you and try to dry hump her into submission, thinking if you get her horny enough she ll sleep with you. But that never works as you already know. So where did it start going wrong? Well, like anyone with an elementary understanding of game, you understand that Energy Begets Compliance. The higher the energy level, the more compliance you get. That s why it s easier to pull to the bar or makeout on a WHAT!?!? You re crazy! Let s get drinks! than it is on a Hey, I m thirsty, come with me to the bar As the night progresses, you re trying to lay the foundations for a pull moving her around the bar, physically escalating, etc ideally varying the energy level as needed to maintain positive compliance. Problem is, as you get more excited by the increasing attraction and compliance she s throwing at you, and the notion of pulling becomes more and more likely, you naturally get excited and start making bolder moves. Your increased excitement, as well as the boldness of your moves leads you to game at a higher energy level which seems fine at the time because it only increases her interest in you, but ultimately sets you up for difficulty later. Because the girl is now state-pumped she s going to be having a lot of fun in the club, seeing you as an integral piece of those positive high emotions. Sounds good except now pulling becomes a lot tougher you re essentially stuck at the club until it starts winding down. Consider
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You: Woooo, let s dance! Her: Yaaayy! You re amazing! You: SKO, back to my place! It just simply doesn t make sense if you re having this much fun in the club at such a high state, why would you leave the club for a deflated state? The simple act of trying to pull here is in direct contradiction to the vibe you ve spent all night building. The pull is therefore dependant on either state preservation or continued state enhancement either I know another club that s even better! or This place is winding down, after party! So if you do manage to leave before closing time, you re likely headed to another even louder more hectic club or more likely, you re at this club until closing, when if you do leave with her it s under the pretext of either finding another club still open, or (best case) under the pretext of keeping the high energy state going with an after party at your place. Because her feelings toward you are anchored to that high energy state, you re essentially bound to it in the cab ride home simply preserving the vibe while in transit. And you get to your place and that vibe is still there she wants to listen to music, dance around, show you videos, the works Maybe you hook up, maybe you don t, either way, you took the easy road earlier and now it s coming back to bite you in the ass The Lesson: Pull Down I ll be the first to admit, it s very tempting to state-pump a girl and from there to utilize the compliance to move forward even if it is counter-productive down the line. Instead, more and more these days when I m with a girl and it s on, my focus becomes to PULL DOWN. That is, actively pace and lead the energy level to as low a point as I can and sustain it there. I ve still got the flexibility to spike up, but I ll only do this if I absolutely need to, instead opting to ride out the low and even negative vibe to facilitate the pull. So at 12:00 while other guys are yelling Woooo, Let s Dance! I m saying Aw man this is all a bit much for me, I need a drink
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Pick Up Fundamentals And at 12:30 when other guys are yelling Woooo, let s go to the bar! I m saying Christ, I m pretty tired, come with me to the other room where we can sit and it s quieter
And at 1:00 when other guys are wondering what the hell to do when the girl is spastically jumping around with her friends after being re-united with Girls Night , I m isolated in the corner saying something like: Me: Look, this club isn t for either of us tonight, let s just get out of here need to be here anymore. Girl: But where will we go? Me: Doesn t matter, I just really can t be here anymore we really don t
So when we re in the cab, there s no assumption of an after party, no crazy texting to see where s still open. And by the time we get back to my house, there s no need for Wii Tennis or cocktails it s fully congruent for me to simply climb into bed and let her follow. That s it. Efficiency of Movement.
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Chapter 3
Self Actualization Fundamentals
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Or to put simply: anytime your actions are not in line with your beliefs your brain is not happy. Well, this simple semi-obvious holds a special relevance us that does not apply to most people. See, essentially when learning this game our challenge is to re-wire our brains as much as possible over as short a time-span as possible so as to align our thought patterns with those that are naturally attractive. In essence, to form new beliefs and identifications that are not necessarily justified by prior teachings, or more importantly, reference experience. A common trait among those who excel in this game is a high degree of cognitive mastery an ability to actively shape their thoughts and beliefs based on what will serve them, as opposed to what meshes with their existing understanding and experience. Or essentially an ability to convince themselves of what they believe will be useful. Now when it comes to success in dating, what are some essential core beliefs? What are the catch phrases people are affirming and reaffirming to themselves? 66
Pick Up Fundamentals
I m the shit! I m the man I deserve this She s for me She should be with me? I m the highest value person in this room Ok, most likely you re not actively repeating these to yourself but there s no doubt these beliefs are inherent to a high-value mindset held by a naturally attractive guy and ALL are representative of a single core belief a level of self-value. Here s where cognitive dissonance comes in I hate to break it to you, but if you re sitting in your basement from Monday to Thursday playing World of Warcraft and eating Cheetos it s going to be impossible to step to a hottie on Friday and feel I deserve this Fact is it s impossible to successfully and consistently pick up girls without first feeling good about yourself. And guess what cognitive dissonance means that it s impossible to feel good about yourself without behaving like you feel good about yourself like you like yourself like you value yourself. What does it mean to behave in a way that indicates you like yourself yourself? that you value
Suppose you value your car You re probably washing it regularly, putting premium gas in it, taking it for checkups, rotating the tires, etc. Well, you re no different. When you value yourself - or at the very lease you don t hate yourself - you re going to make an effort to care for yourself this means being at least minimally conservative with what you put in your body eating at least decently healthy, taking in fruits and vegetables, cutting down on junk food. Beyond that comes maintaining a minimal level of physical activity. Personal hygiene and present-ability also fall into this category.
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Beyond that, what you do for YOU is determined by just how much you value YOU. Here we move beyond simply caring for and maintaining yourself and into the realm of actively improving oneself. Things like adhering to a schedule, going to the gym, eating healthy breakfasts, pursuing activities that develop you physically, mentally, or spiritually. Taking classes, travelling, enriching your life. I ll tell you, I honestly do not know a single person who holds themselves in high regard who does not engage in the above activities. Now, as you read this, sit up straight, roll your shoulders back, and SMILE. How do you feel a little happier?? The effect here is psychosomatic or a backwards rationalization from the mind based on the body. The mind says Hey look at that, I m sitting up and smiling . Usually I do this when I m happy, well I m doing it now so I must be happy . Well, in this case, you spend your day productively you eat a healthy breakfast, hit the gym, learn something, accomplish something, and all the sudden you re brain is bombarded with evidence that you re WORTH something. Then you go out, start that interaction and suddenly you feel a new strength in your own identity you carry yourself with a sense of value, with a sense of self-worth. On a personal level, if I roll out of bed at 2pm, throw on some dirty sweats (possibly stained from the meatball sub I ate 3 nights before), and head out to get some grease breakfast from the 24hour diner there is absolutely no way I can turn on the game and socialize effectively. It s got nothing to do with the way I look it s got everything to do with the way I feel. And on the flipside, when I m living in alignment with the way I treat myself reaffirming the way I feel about myself, the world can tell and responds accordingly. Ultimately, the way I feel is derived from that over-arching sense of self-worth that s either their or not there depending on the physical evidence I spend all day every day acquiring. Are you worth it? Are you behaving like it? If you think you re brain is going to let these two exist in misalignment, you re in for a rude awakening. So choose your answer and solidify it both internally and externally. 68
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