Love After Death

Dedicated to my family, who knows Petes love deeply and will continue to nurture his spirit in our generations to come.

In loving memory of my grandfather, Pete Warren

Amy Caroline Petrow October 2013

Contents
Love After Death, a poem .................................................. 3 Lessons my Grandfather Taught Me, a letter ............ 4 Believing in Baseball, a personal narrative .................. 6 Walking Toward You, a memoir ....................................... 7 This I Believe: Childrens Eyes, an essay ..................... 9 About the Author .................................................................11

Love After Death

Love resided in the smooth, purposeful way you rubbed your thumb against my hand Love resided in our memories of lifes events together Love resided in your affirming smile no one else saw Love resided in your bragging how I throw like a boy Love resided in your observation of my son exploring the world Love resided in your final words I love you Carrie, Ill see you tomorrow. And love remains In the sunrise In the humming birds In the everyday experiences of my heart

Dear Pete,

Lessons My Grandfather Taught Me

At the end of March 22, as I closed my eyes with tired sadness a sense of calm

rushed over me. For a fleeting moment a powerful feeling of love encompassed forever. As life carried on, I searched for the meaning of your death. On the last

me, and a part of your soul became a part of mine. I knew I still had you with me day of the school year I cried. This was the first of many years you would not visit my classroom. But I also realized why many regarded you as a master educator; is my final exam. you taught me lessons and wisdom and I never knew I was learning. So Pete, here

Lesson One - Believe in Yourself, Believe in Others

Although you demonstrated this lesson many times, one of my very first memories of life, that we recounted often together, stands out as a poignant example. It was the first time we ever played ball together, and I was pitiful. After several misses, as if I had already achieved this goal. You looked in my eyes and told me I would hit the ball. Then you stepped forward, tossed it underhand. I dont recall what you threw me a few words of encouragement. These words came out like a fact,

happened after the ball left your hand. I know I must have hit it, as predicted, by the next thing I saw. There you were, falling to the ground, laughing, with the ball by your side. Not only did I hit the baseball, but Id hit my grandpa square in the head. That day, you taught me two things. One, I was a ball player and two, if I believe in myself I can achieve anything. Now, almost thirty years later after replaying that vivid memory over and over, I realize you taught me a third lesson that day. If I can accomplish anything.

unwaveringly believe in others and share the responsibility of success, together we

Lesson Two - Showing Up is Love in Action

This one is straight forward. It seemed natural to me in childhood for my

grandparents to attend my piano recitals, softball tournaments, birthdays and other by car several times a year to visit family. But you always showed up when it

special events. However, as an adult I realize many people do not travel eight hours mattered. You visited me while studying abroad in Edinburgh, Scotland after I
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announced I was in love with an Englishman, James. You officiated our marriage, You held my first child at three weeks old. The list goes on, and you relayed the your life. I love you. I am trying to live this lesson in my life, and when it seems easier not go, I ask myself, what message do I want to send? Its not always convenient, but you told me all those time showing up is an action of love. Lesson Three - Spirituality is a Journey Though Life

completing both our official and unofficial weddings. You watched me graduate. message, you are important, I value our time together, and I want to be a part of

This lesson you didnt teach alone, but through many other people you influenced in our family. Christianity intertwines many early memories of my life and you helped develop my faith. By living a life balanced in strong Christian values and grew up believing in Christ because the example you and our family set. In my early adult life, I started to question and lose touch with this faith. You never

good fun, I realized it is possible to be religious without being narrow-minded. I

pressured me but continued to set an example of spirituality, not just religion. Now, I decided it is time to show up and am starting to reconstruct my own meaning of spirituality. James and I started attending a church recently, and as I listen to the your understanding. Your example of faith portrays living your belief through me on this journey.

messages on those quiet Sunday mornings, I search for your voice, your message, action and finding the nature of spirituality that comes from within. You walk with

Of course Pete, you taught numerous other lessons to me unknowingly, and some directly. They pop up in my heart as I make decisions, take chances, struggle and I see you often in life. I see you in the sunrise and rays through the clouds. I see you in the birds or butterflies that unexpectedly enter my sight. I see you in my feel you in my heart everyday. rejoice. My tribute to you is to find ways to live according to the example you set.

toddler, who speaks so clearly of the conversations he has with you. But mostly, I

Love your youngest granddaughter, Carrie

Believing in a Baseball
watched the ball sail by as my grandfather, Pete, tossed it to me, just a few yards that mattered was Pete and I together, playing ball. At three years old, I held a plastic yellow baseball bat awkwardly in my hands. I away. The sun radiated and its hard to remember if anyone else was around. All I gripped the bat, swung, and missed. Again and again, I happily failed to hit the

ball, as I delighted in playing with my childhood hero. Pete inched a few feet closer, hoping I would make contact. After several tries, Pete threw me a few words of encouragement. I sensed

these words were not a lofty attempt to make me feel better. They also were not hit the ball. These words came out like a fact, as if I already achieved this grand the ball.

in desperation to help him achieve his goal of getting his toddler granddaughter to goal. Pete looked into my blue eyes and said This time, Carrie, youre going to hit Ok, Pete! I responded, almost certain Id come in contact with air, once again.

hit the ball. My little hands and clumsy arms must have found a way to coordinate themselves, but I dont recall what happened in those seconds after the ball left Petes hand. I know I must have hit it, as he predicted, by the next thing I saw. There was Pete, tumbling backward toward a place where the grass met the

He stepped forward, tossed it underhand. I closed my eyes tight, determined to

woods, laughing, with the ball resting on the ground beside him. Not only did I hit that plastic baseball, but Id hit my grandpa square in the head. Unmarred and my hit. But sure enough, he stumbled backward, toward in the green grass. delighted I had finally made contact, he fell more out of shock than the power of His words, his belief in me landed a spot in my heart that day. His conviction

and determination soared through the air and into my being. At three, I became a ball player, and I learned to believe in myself.

Walking Toward You

James. Overpowered by happiness, my smile felt insufficient to express emotion. as my childhood backyard to listen to our testimony of love. The memory of First Christian Church, with the red carpet runner and fragrant spring flowers at the alter, shines in my heart, as I see Pete standing proudly next to my husband. This time was different. This time I could not fight back the tears, as we The first time I walked down an aisle toward Pete he performed my marriage to Love radiated from friends and family who traveled as far as England and as close

processed down the aisle at the Lynchburg College chapel. Following Grandma, along with my mom, dad, Ginny and Mike, our extended family walked as one in honor of the man who led example in our lives. A connection between the two smile in my minds eye, comforted me.

moments floated in my heart. Petes love, Petes guidance, Petes knowing, humble

General Hospital. After two months of visits to the Intensive Care Respiratory

The day my family dreaded most already past two weeks ago at Lynchburg

Unit, progress followed by set backs, and countless prayers we had to let go. On a reality his lungs would never breath again independently.

Friday spring morning, we honored his wishes to end life support. We accepted the

more to release our pain from losing our chief. I realized over 700 people who

This day my family gathered from North Carolina, Texas, all over Virginia and

could physically attend his service and many more beyond those walls loved my

grandpa. This day I actualized Pete had touched so many people as a professor, a happy memories simultaneously, I would remember Pete as my grandpa, most importantly.

mayor, an activist, a companion. But in the midst of everyone, filled with sorrow and

first I had experienced in my 31 years of life. I came across another minister,

In the weeks to come I read books to try to understand what death meant, the

Forest Church, from the Unitarian Universalist church in New York City. He wrote a book on love and death and his text spoke to me. He wrote that he didnt know if
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life existed after death, but love remains after death. He believes in a positive much love endures.

correlation between how much grief one feels after losing a loved one and how

the love Pete radiated toward me on my wedding day. I felt the love I will endure forever from my grandpa. And in all of its tears, I set my hearts intent to spread that love to others.

Walking down that long, sorrowful aisle, my heart experienced a duplication of

This I Believe
Childrens Eyes
I believe in childrens eyes and their perspective of the world. I believe in

listening to their observations as wisdom into the soul. I believe they can teach us things we once knew as children.

nine-year old opened my eyes one afternoon. I packed my bag at the end of

Trying to survive my first year of teaching in a failing Washington, DC school, a

another hard day, wishing summer would come faster. Three boys stood outside white teacher."

my classroom. One of them shouted loud enough for me to hear, "yeah, she's the

hear what he just said?

I ignored, ready to leave. Then Sequoia came rushing into the room, "did you

persisted,"but youre not white."

I noted that I did, it was true, and continued to gather my things. My student

comparing her dark hue to mine, her big brown eyes gazed up at me and paused for a moment.

I turned and raised my arm to match hers, "I am Sequoia, look at our skin." After

"But your black inside, aren't you?" I smiled,"yes, I am black inside. Sequoia showed me for the first time in my adulthood that children give us a

perspective that is unreplicable by adults. She taught me the possibility of seeing beyond our physical qualities and truly embracing each other for who we are. My grandfather knew this for many years. One Christmas I gave him an

inspirational picture frame with a photograph of the two of us that said, A Hundred
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years from now it will not matter what my bank account was, or the sort of house I lived in, or the kind of car I drove...but the world may be different because I was on his mantle, but years later, after he passed away, I learned otherwise. From surveying his speeches and sermons throughout his career, my grandfather referenced this present often. He built a philosophy around the perspective I placed value on being fully present with his family. important in the life of a child I thought my grandpa sentimentally saved this gift

offered as a child and lived his life accordingly. He trusted life would provide and

teacher and a parent. I seek the laughter and joy my toddler gets from making silly words or learning a new skill. I seek the creativity and perseverance my students demonstrate when faced with a challenging task. I seek the unwavering love moment. children display when they feel safe and respected. I seek being in the present

The lesson I once taught my grandfather as a child I seek to learn daily as a

innocence can give us. It is our job to stop. To listen. To be transformed through the eyes of a child.

I believe in looking, in watching, and waiting. I believe in listening to the wisdom

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Chapel Hill, North Carolina with her Jack. As devoted Duke fan, her

Amy Caroline Petrow lives in

About the Author

husband James and children, Max and grandfather always teased her about a 3rd grade teacher at Durham Academy, embracing writers

living in this college town. Caroline is

worksohp with a new perspective this year. This writing project is the first truly made her feel like a writer. experience in Carolines 31 years that

writing was the death of her grandfather, D.L. Pete Warren, on March 22, 2013.

The inspiration and reason for

Caroline and her family continue to share both sadness over this insurmountable

loss and gratitude for having the most influential role model and humanitarian as a

family leader. The intended audience for this writing is Carolines immediate family book of his life, but was just in the beginning stages. Caroline, along with her

and others who share in the joy of knowing and loving Pete. Pete wanted to write a brother and cousins seek to collect stories and letters from Petes community of friends, colleagues and supporters to write his book. Caroline hopes to include Carolines dreams is to write and publish a piece for the This I Believe NPR some of this writing in that larger collection of memories. Furthermore, one of series. Although she knows it is a long shot, in Petes honor, she will take her first As Pete always advised, Just ask. The response can only be yes or no.

risk as a writer to ask others if her writing is good enough to share with the public.

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