Moshier 1 Kameron Moshier English 1101 Rebecca Agosta September 15, 2013 Literacy Snapshot Essay Ever since

I was a kid the one thing that always caught my interest is cars. Its just always caught my attention over things like action figures or playing cards, and its something that to this day is at the top of my interests. There are many things that helped spark my interest in cars and helped me gain my knowledge and understanding of cars and what goes into them to make them work, and they are all very important to my very understanding. A fond memory I have is the first car show I went to with my dad when I was seven. I remember the day as a clear sunny day, and my dad and I had been planning to go to a car show for years when finally the time came for the car show to return to Charlotte Motor Speedway. We bought the tickets for the show, and I felt the excitement rushing through me as we drove toward the speedway. When we finally arrived at the speedway from the moment I stepped out of the car, I can could hear the sound of roaring engines and the smell of exhaust and nothing could have honestly made me happier. My dad and I walked through the front gates and into the main bowl area of the speedway to see a mile long field of nothing but gorgeous looking cars and trucks as far as the eye can see. I remember hearing my dad say to me, Hhere we are, Kameron;, we finally made it. From that point on it was literally like heaven on earth for me, going from playing in my driveway with Mmatchbox cars to seeing these incredible mechanical beauties and
Comment [R7]: Were these older cars? More modern cars? Formatted: Highlight Formatted: Highlight Comment [R4]: Appreciation maybe? You mention knowledge and understanding multiple times before this, so it feels a little repetitive. A little thesaurus work can make the sentences different here, as they do all focus on cars and your knowledge a little differently. It is fine to have an intro paragraph like this. If you want to revise it to make it more snapshot-y, like Kotharis, consider not necessarily setting the reader up to understand your full story; however, you can exercise choice here. This beginning does let us understand that this is a passion/knowledge developed over a long period of time, so it also has its uses in the overall essay. Formatted: Indent: First line: 0.5" Comment [R5]: Stay in past tense Comment [R6]: My parents are in the antique car business, so Ive been to many car shows. I like this description because Ive always found the shows exciting due to all the noise, movement, sound, and looks of the cars. Comment [R2]: As you revise for your portfolio, develop a creative title that binds all of your snapshots together. Comment [R3]: It has = its or It is = its Its would be more like its engine something that belongs Comment [R1]: Excellent MLA

Moshier 2 beasts in person. My dad and I walked for hours in the summer heat going from car to car, seeing all the different kinds of brands and engines possible. That day was the first day I finally got to see my Mmatchbox favorites in person and just the experience of seeing the different kinds of cars and getting my first real glimpse at engines and different types of muscles, trucks, tuners, you name it! It was a memorable day.
Comment [R10]: I like that you are connecting your knowledge gained from playing with Matchbox cars to seeing real life engines and mods in person. Comment [R8]: Great description Comment [R9]: Do you remember a particular car that stood out?

Much of my childhood, for the good or bad, was consumed by video games. Now this may seem just like the story of any boy growing up, but video games, two in particular, really actually meant more to me than just some way to entertain myself. The racing games Need For Speed: Hhot Ppursuit 2 and Midnight Club 3 where two of my favorite games growing up, but interestingly enough, these two games really taught me a lot of what I know about different car brands and the modifying of cars. In both games you played as a racer who gets to drive many different cars, and as you progress through the games, more and more cars and the ability to upgrade and modify them become became available to you. From something as simple as these video games, at a young age I was able to be exposed to many different car brands worldwide, and I even got some exposure to different things you can do to modify cars, some of which I have done to my real car today. Even though these are only video games, I would spend hours upon hours in my dark basement with nothing being exposed to me but the sights of racing and customizing cars all day. I would have the constant pleading from my parents to get outside and drop the controller but loving cars the way I did, I couldnt do it! I still to this day owe a lot of my early knowledge of cars to these video games. I know that video games can only
Comment [R11]: You may have noticed that I am adding commas before a couple of ands and buts. You are using these words to connect two parts of a sentence that could stand alone if needed, so they should also have a comma. Example: In both games you played as a racer who gets to drive many different cars as you progress through the games, more and more cars and the ability to upgrade and modify them became available to you Both can stand alone, so you are creating a complex sentence that needs a comma. If I wonder if I need a comma before words like (and, or, but, yet, so, nor) then I will see if the two parts before and after that word could stand alone. If they can, then I need to add a comma. Comment [R12]: Like what? Comment [R13]: Created a paragraph break here to make it easier to read. People can get lost in long paragraphs. Formatted: Indent: First line: 0.5"

Moshier 3 present a player with so much, but these games gave me a very early look at various cars and the many things that can be done to them. I still remember how excited I would be to come home from school and play these games and I remember my parents repeatedly saying Man Kam, you really do have a love for cars dont you? These video games taught me a lot about cars and really just furthered my obsession with them.
Comment [R14]: Good! I think you showed how video games can teach us and how in this instance they really informed your car knowledge.

There are many important people in my life that have helped fuel my love and knowledge for cars. Whether its my father and grandfather taking me to car shows and various dealerships to experience cars face to face or my friends who share my passion for cars, many different people helped me know what I know about cars today. I remember my friends Shaun and Dylan would sit with me for hours either playing my favorite racing games or sitting on the end of my driveway with me as we would make our own towns for our matchbox cars. and tThat is all we would need for a fun filled day. These two friends have grown up with me to be some of my closest friends today, and we still share our passion for cars,; the only difference is now instead of playing with matchbox and hot wheels toys, we now play with our real cars. All of these people mentioned are very important pieces to my knowledge of cars, but one person really stands out for me. My good friend David, who I met just a few years ago, has basically taught me more about cars thean any other single source. When I met David I had my pretty unreliable and ratty old car, and whenever id Id get concerned about any slight thing about my car, David would put up with me every time and talk me through my issue step by step until it was fixed or until I knew what I would have to do to fix my issue. I remember the first time I went to David about an issue;, I was expecting a
Comment [R17]: I created another paragraph break to consider Formatted: Indent: First line: 0.5" Comment [R16]: Go through and capitalize brand names: Matchbox, Hot Wheels, etc. Comment [R15]: Repeats your first line. How can you change this to lead the reader to a different understanding?

Moshier 4 not so good response because I admit I have been known to be very over worried about my cars because I care so much, but David gave me a look of understanding and just simply replied, Kam, no worries,. Lets take a look! After that David and I took a ride around in my car and he quickly came to the conclusion that my car had a bad misfire in the sixth cylinder in my engine. At the time this sounded like another language to me, but David talked me through what everything meant and he helped me fix that problem and many others I had with that vehicle. I can thank David for much of my knowledge in how to fix things in a car.
Comment [R18]: I like how you show that friends can affect this literacy based on common interests and activities (playing) but also how a friend can share their knowledge with you and help with problems.

An unfortunate way to learn about things is through ones own negative experiences and troubles. This very accurately describes my experience with my old car I had. The car was an old blue dodge suv that looked beautiful, inside and out, that October afternoon we looked through it on the dealer lot in Greensboro. We bought the car for a very good deal, and I felt on top of the world that day. Unfortunately I quickly came back down to earth as things started to quickly go wrong with the car. Leaks began to form, belts began to squeak, and the differential started making a horrible whine that sounded like a lonely wolf howling at the moon. With all of these sudden issues popping up left and right, as much of a nightmare as it was, the incidents really forced me to spend some time with my car and try to diagnose problems myself or with my friend David. Either way it got me practicing how to deal with different issues as they develop in my car. I started to get to the point where something would go wrong with the car, and I would immediately find ways to discover what the issue is and how I can fix it. It may sound like a rough way to learn, which I would agree, it is, but at the end of the day these rough
Comment [R22]: great point Comment [R20]: you mentioned quickly already in the sentence, so delete one to resolve repetitiveness Comment [R19]: capitalization

Comment [R21]: ha, great sentence detail plus it shows your growing car literacy

Moshier 5 experiences gave me a lot of the practice I need in attempting to solve and fix issues in a car. I know now even months after getting rid of that troublesome car, I still today have skills all from learning different lessons from that old blue, suvSUV.
Comment [R23]: Very right I do not have car literacy and I am dependent on an honest mechanic to set me on the right path. You wanted to make this stronger. I think if you were to give us a story about one time when you had to fix something or a time when something broke down in your car and you had to diagnose it will make it stronger. I know you told a story about you and David in the previous one, so I wonder if maybe the first time the car had trouble would be interesting or if you should pick a time you had to figure something out on your own. What do you think?

The Internet can be a mans best friend when trying to find information on any given topic. A resource I started using fairly recently is online automotive forums. For my Dodge Avenger, which is my current car, I found a really cool forum for just avenger Avenger owners shortly after I bought the car this past November. At first I thought that a forum dedicated to specifically my car would be pretty cool, but I had no idea how helpful this forum would really be! My first time on the forum I quickly found out that the forum is a very large and welcoming community that has started to be the source to any question I have about my car, even if its not something like an issue, the community will have an answer. Ive posted on the forum numerous times about things Im just not sure about and the forum, every time, is very understanding and willing to help, much like my real life friends. Now the big thing for me here is that the other thing you can do on the forum is just look through other peoples posts on the forum and respond if you can help, but if you cant help, its perfectly acceptable to just read through all of the posts., and tThat alone can help me personally gain a lot of knowledge about my car specifically, but at the same time all cars in general. The upper members of the forum are there to help out with anything possible, and they alone can act as a sponsor to my knowledge and further understanding of cars. The forums I have founlearned are currently today, one of my top resources I use to find information on cars.

Comment [R24]: Like what?

Comment [R25]: Give us a concrete example to tie us to this idea.

Moshier 6 At the end of the day each different experience and resource I listed above are very important sponsors to my literacy of cars. Each individual aspect impacts my knowledge and many of the things still help me today, like being able to name almost any car or really even work on my own!
Comment [R26]: Same comment as the intro paragraph. Its still set up a bit like a traditional essay. Im okay with you keeping that, but I do think you should consider as you revise to embrace the snapshot way of writing. Possibly you can review Kotharis first and last snapshot to see how she opens her story and ends it? Overall, great paper. It shows a lot of thought and consideration of the various things that have impacted your car literacy. You often give specific examples that help us understand, and theres a few places where these examples can be further expanded.

COVER LETTER BELOW

Moshier 7 Cover Letter When writing my drafts, a part that went very well is the connecting of my ideas and snapshots once I got going. What I mean here is that once I really got my thoughts together, transitions between my snapshots and the developing of my snapshots became a lot easier. I just got to the point where I just kept thinking and my ideas went straight to my essay. One aspect of my paper I did have trouble with is the actual first step, getting my topic. When the assignment was first handed out, I admit I was completely lost and honestly kind of scared of this assignment! I actually talked with a few friends and they all told me to write about cars, which is my passion. I quickly decided on this topic and thats when ideas began flowing and confidence began rising. All of my snapshots where fairly successful in my opinion but there where some I had a ton of confidence in and others that I wanted to change a bit. I know my snapshot about my trip to the car show seems like a real winner and I think I really conveyed my ideas and details about my literacy well in this passage. This snapshot being one of my earlier experiences with cars in my life also was a good opener to the rest of the snapshots. The one snapshot I have that I need to revise a little bit I believe is my snapshot about my personal experience with a bad car that helped me learn how cars work. I feel like this snapshot is still strong, I just want to add more to help describe how it supports my literacy. I want to add about how really fixing the actual car helps me understand engines and that kind of aspect of cars! I want to make it clear to the reader how that old car helped me. Now my bigger questions for my group are did my snapshots flow together well, and did each snapshot clearly show how it impacted my literacy of cars? I just want to make sure my reader can
Comment [R30]: Great writerly concerns Comment [R29]: Ill pay particular attention to this snapshot. Comment [R28]: Right, whats nice is you get to write about something you know, even if you are thinking about it differently through literacy. Comment [R27]: Great! I love when I am able to come up with ideas and connections while righting.

Moshier 8 confirm these two questions. Otherwise I feel like my Snapshot essay was a overall success!