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Kelsey Lisowski Argument of Fact Revision Reflection McGough Section HB 12/11/13 Revision Reflection Revision is an important aspect of writing,

but it can be fairly difficult. When it came to this paper, I wasnt sure exactly what to do to the piece to make it better, but I knew it needed a lot of work. Most of my revisions to this paper were structural changes because I wanted to make the paper flow better and clarify certain points that helped to support my fact. I ended up making a lot of major structural changes, which helped me to explain concepts in a simpler, yet more sophisticated manner. The first major change I made was combining paragraph five and six. I did this because I think it was hard for the audience to understand why I had paragraph six in the paper without the support of paragraph five to back it up. Although they feed off each other, with the added support of paragraph five and a little more explanation of paragraph six, the combined paragraph fits better with the thesis. The combined paragraph also leads into the following paragraphs more effectively and in a more coherent manner. Another major change I made was changing the order of the paragraphs. At first, I thought that I should talk about Europes success with comprehensive sexual education programs and then talk about the U.S., but after doing some revisions, I realized that it would make more sense to talk about the United States first since that is the focus of my topic. In doing this, I moved paragraph three down and paragraph four up. This was another issue that had to do with the structure of the paper, and benefitted the paper because now the paper is in chronological order and better relates to the thesis. Overall, most of my major changes had to do with the arrangement of the paragraphs in the essay, and the arrangement of the paragraphs themselves. I made minor changes to the grammar and sentence structure of the paper, but focused more on the overall presentation and making sure the concepts were clear. I think this revision helped to create a better paper overall that clearly supported by thesis and made a solid argument about sex education.