Lesson 2

In this lesson you will learn how to correct choppy sentences that have words that are repeated in two or more sentences. You can determine this by asking, "Do adjacent sentences contain the same subject and/or the same verb? You will also learn how to combine choppy sentences by adding modifying words and phrases.

Rule 1: Different Subjects Same Predicate

When two people or things do the same thing, try to tell about it in one sentence.

Timothy heard a motor above the slap of the sea. Phillip heard a motor above the slap of the sea. Timothy and Phillip heard a motor above the slap of the sea.

If you use I as part of a combined subject, put I last. I am going to light the torch so the men can see the smoke. Timothy is going to light the torch so the men can see the smoke. Timothy and I are going to light the torch so the men can see the smoke.

Rule 2: Different Predicates - Same Subject

If you have one person doing more than one thing, then place the verbs in a string.

I felt around. I crawled from beneath the shelter to look toward the sound. I felt around then crawled from beneath the shelter to look toward the sound.

Remember if more than two things are named then you must use commas. Timothy opened the trap door. He ripped down one of the triangle legs. He made a torch out of the pieces. Timothy opened the trap door, ripped down one of the triangle legs, and made a torch out of the pieces.

Rule 3: Avoid writing sentences that repeat the same words again and again.
After a long hot day in the sun Phillip felt disheartened. After a long hot day in the sun Timothy tried to cheer Phillips spirits. After a long hot day in the sun Phillip felt disheartened, and Timothy tried to cheer his spirits.

Phillip was born in the United States. He was born in Norfolk. This is in Virginia. Phillip was born in the United States in Norfolk, Virginia.

Rule 4: Sometimes one sentence will do in place of two.

The water had many sharks. They were always hungry. The water had many hungry sharks. Stew Cat was the cooks pet. He was on the raft with Phillip and Timothy. Stew Cat, the cooks pet, was on the raft with Phillip and Timothy.

Rule 5: Using phrases in sentences lets you say more with fewer words.
When Phillip was in Willemstad he had seen the open mouths of the sharks. Phillip went back under the shelter to get away from the sharks. Because Phillip had seen the open mouthed sharks in Willemstad, he went back under the shelter to get away from them.

Stew Cat was a bad luck charm. He was safe for now because Timothy felt the death of a cat was worse luck than just having a cat onboard the raft. Stew Cat, a bad luck charm, was safe for now because Timothy felt the death of a cat was worse luck than just having a cat onboard the raft.

Timothy told Phillip about the blue water. Timothy also told Phillip about the jumping fish. He told Phillip about a sea turtle. Timothy told Phillip about the blue cloudless sky. Timothy became Phillips eyes. Becoming Phillips eyes, Timothy told Phillip about the blue water, cloudless sky, jumping fish, and sea turtle.

Oral Practice

Correctly combine the sentences.

I saw a booby. A booby is a bird with a blue face.

Rule 4: Sometimes one sentence will do in place (A booby is repeated.)

I saw a booby. A booby is a bird with a blue face. I saw a booby, a bird with a blue face. of two.

Correctly combine the following sentence.

I stumbled. I fell overboard. I fell in the water.

Rule 2: Different Predicates Same subject.

I stumbled. I fell overboard. I fell in the water. I stumbled and fell overboard into the water.

Correctly combine the following sentence.

I yelled for Timothy. Timothy jumped into the water to save me.

Rule 3: Avoid writing sentences that repeat the same words again and again. (Timothy is repeated.)
I yelled for Timothy. Timothy jumped into the water to save me. I yelled for Timothy who jumped into the water to save me.

Correctly combine the following sentence.

Timothy was breathing hard trying to catch his breath. Phillip was breathing hard trying to catch his breath.

catch his breath is repeated.)

Rule 1: Different Subjects Same Predicate (Breathing hard trying to

Timothy was breathing hard trying to catch his breath. Phillip was breathing hard trying to catch his breath.
Dont forget subject-verb agreement.

Timothy and Phillip were breathing hard trying to

catch their breaths.

Correctly combine the following sentence.

I was certain my father had planes and ships out looking for us. The Navy would have planes and ships searching.

Rule 3: Avoid writing sentences that repeat the same words again and again. (Planes and ships are repeated.)
I was certain my father had planes and ships out looking for us. The Navy will have planes and ships searching. I was certain my father had the Navy searching for us with their planes and ships.

Correctly combine the following sentence.

The raft would be the best place to stay. The raft would be easier to see.

Rule 2: Different Predicates Same Subject (The raft is repeated.)

The raft would be best place to stay. The raft would be easier to see. The raft would be the best place to stay as it would be easier to see.

Correctly combine the following sentence.

Timothy did not want to frighten Phillip. Timothy jumped in the water. Timothy kicked the raft to shore.

Rule 3: Repeated Words (Timothy told Phillip he was going to is repeated.)

Timothy did not want to frighten Phillip. Timothy told Phillip he was going to jump in the water. Timothy told Phillip he was going to kick the raft to shore.

Timothy did not want to frighten Phillip. He told Phillip he was going to jump in the water and kick the raft to shore.

Correctly combine the following sentences.

After several days on the raft, Timothy spotted an island. After several days on the raft, Timothy and Phillip finally walked on dry land again.

Rule 3: Repeated Words

(After several days on the raft repeated.) After several days on the raft, Timothy spotted an island. After several days on the raft, Timothy and Phillip finally walked on dry land again.

After several days on the raft, Timothy spotted an island, and Timothy and Phillip finally walked on dry land again.

Correctly combine the following sentence.

The sand was warm. It felt good on my feet.

Rule 4: Sometimes one sentence will do in place of two.

The sand was warm. It felt good on my feet. The warm sand felt good on my feet.

Correctly combine the following sentence.

I rested in the shade. I rested in the shade while Timothy pulled the raft to shore.

Rule 5: Using phrases in sentences lets you say more with less. (I rested in the shade is repeated.)

I rested in the shade. I rested in the shade while Timothy pulled the raft to shore. I rested in the shade while Timothy pulled the raft to shore.

Written Practice
Number your paper from 1 -11. Write A, B, C, or D to choose the sentence that correctly combines the two sentences.

1. Timothy told Phillip that there were many fresh fish and langosta. Langosta is a type of native lobster without claws.
a) Timothy told Phillip that there were many

fresh fish and langosta, and langosta is a type of native lobster without claws. b) Timothy told Phillip that there were many fresh fish and langosta, a type of native lobster without claws. c) Timothy told Phillip that there were many fresh fish and langosta because langosta is a type of native lobster without claws. d) Timothy told Phillip that there were many fresh fish and langosta which langosta is a type of native lobster without claws.

2. I felt Timothy was holding something back from me. I felt Timothy was not saying everything by the tone of his voice.
a) I felt Timothy was holding something back

from me since he was not saying everything by the tone of his voice. b) I felt Timothy was not saying everything to me by holding something back from me by the tone of his voice. c) By the tone of his voice, I felt Timothy was holding something back from me. I felt Timothy was not saying everything. d) By the tone in his voice, I felt Timothy was holding something back from me.

3. My dad was honest with me because he said that in the end that was better. Timothy should be honest because it would be better.
a) My dad was honest with me and Timothy

should be honest with me because it would be better in the end. b) If Timothy would be honest with me it would be better because when my dad was honest with me it was better in the end. c) Just like my dad, Timothy should be honest with me because it would be better in the end. d) Being honest in the end is better, so Timothy like my dad should be honest with me because it would be better in the end.

4. Timothy left to find a place to camp. Stew

Cat left to wander around too. I was left all alone.

a) Timothy left to find a place to camp and

Stew Cat left to wander off too. I was left all alone. b) When Timothy left to find a place to camp, Stew Cat left to wander around too, and I was left all alone. c) Timothy left to find a place to camp, and Stew Cat left too, and I was all alone. d) I was all alone when Timothy left to find a place to camp, and Stew Cat wandered off too.

5. I was frightened when I realized I was

alone. I was shouting for Timothy.

a) I shouted for Timothy when I realized I was

alone and became frightened. b) I was frightened when I realized I was alone and I was shouting for Timothy. c) Because I was shouting for Timothy, I was frightened when I realized I was alone. d) Since I was frightened by being left alone, and I realized I was alone, started shouting for Timothy.

6. Stew Cat returned. Timothy returned.

Phillip had a hissy fit.

a) When Stew Cat and Timothy returned,

Phillip had a hissy fit. b) Stew Cat and Timothy returned and Phillip had a hissy fit. c) A hissy fit was the result of Stew Cat returning and Phillip returning. d) Stew Cat returned before Timothy returned then Phillip had a hissy fit.

7. Several small islands had great banks of

coral. The coral made navigation dangerous.

a) Several small islands had great banks of

coral because the coral make navigation dangerous. b) Several small islands had great banks of coral which made navigation dangerous. c) With several small islands had great banks of coral and this made navigation dangerous. d) Several small islands had great banks of coral and the coral made navigation dangerous.

thought they were in Devils Mouth. Devils Mouth was a U-shaped area with sharp coral banks on either side running for about forty to fifty miles.
a) Timothy thought they were in Devils Mouth because

8. Timothy

Devils Mouth was a U-shaped area with sharp coral banks on either side running for about forty to fifty miles. b) Timothy thought they were in Devils Mouth; however, Devils Mouth was a U-shaped area with sharp coral banks on either side running for about forty to fifty miles. c) Timothy thought they were in Devils Mouth, a Ushaped area with sharp coral banks on either side running for about forty to fifty miles. d) Timothy thought they were in Devils Mouth which Devils Mouth was a U-shaped area with sharp coral banks on either side running for about forty to fifty miles.

9. The

two ate some biscuits. They ate some chocolate too.

a) The two ate biscuits with some chocolate

with their biscuits too. b) While the two ate biscuits, they had some chocolate too. c) The two ate some biscuits and they ate some chocolate too. d) The two ate some biscuits and chocolate.

10. The coral banks mean ships rarely go by, so Phillip

thinks they may be on the island forever. Timothy tells Phillip not to worry. Since ships rarely go by they will signal an airplane.
a) The coral banks mean ships rarely go by, so Phillip

thinks they may be on the island forever. Timothy tells Phillip not to worry and since ships rarely go by they will signal an airplane. b) The coral banks mean ships rarely go by, so Phillip thinks they may be on the island forever, so Timothy tells Phillip not to worry because since ships rarely go by they will signal an airplane. c) The coral banks mean ships rarely go by, so Phillip thinks they may be on the island forever. Timothy tells him not to worry since ships rarely go by they will signal an airplane. d) The coral banks mean ships rarely go by, so Phillip thinks they may be on the island forever. Timothy tells him not to worry; they will signal an airplane.

11. Timothy celebrates reaching land by

drinking a little water. Phillip celebrates reaching land by drinking a little water as well.
a) Because Timothy celebrates reaching land

by drinking a little water, Phillip celebrates reaching land by drinking a little water as well. b) To celebrate reaching land, Timothy and Phillip drink a little water. c) Drinking water to celebrate, Timothy and Phillip reach land so they drink water. d) While drinking a little water, Timothy celebrates and Phillip celebrates.

Answer Key
1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9. 10. 11.

B D C D A A B C D D B