One Emerson Watts, called my first-period Public Speaking teacher, Mr "hich #d drifted$ reer, startling me from the light

do!e into

Well, "hate%er$ &o they really e'pect us to be alert at eight fifteen in the morning( )ome on$ *ere, # called, +erking my head from the top of my desk and surreptitiously feeling the side of my mouth, +ust in case #d been drooling$ ,ut # guess # didnt do it surreptitiously enough, since Whitney -obertson, seated "ith her long, tanned legs crossed beneath a desk a fe" feet a"ay from mine, snickered, and hissed, .oser$ # thre" her a dirty look and mouthed, ,ite me$ /o "hich she responded by narro"ing her hea%ily made-up baby-blue eyes at me and mouthing back smugly, 0ou "ish$ Em, Mr reer said "ith a ya"n$ # guess hed been up pretty late last night too$ Only #m guessing it "asnt because hed been frantically finishing his home"ork for this class, like # "as$ # "asnt calling roll$ #ts time for you to gi%e the class your t"o-minute persuasi%e oral piece$ Were going in re%erse alphabetical order, remember( reat$ 1ust great$ )hagrined, # slid out from behind my desk and made my "ay to the front of the room "hile the rest of the class tittered$ 2ll e'cept Whitney, # sa"$ /hats because she had dug her compact mirror out of her bag and "as ga!ing at her o"n reflection$ .indsey 1acobs, seated in the ro" beside hers, stared at Whitney admiringly and "hispered, /hat shade of gloss is so you$ # kno", Whitney murmured to her reflection$ # fought off a refle'i%e urge to gag 3 because # "as about to speak in public, not because of their e'change $ $ $ although # guess that could ha%e had something to do "ith it 3 and turned round to face the room$ /"enty-four sleepy faces blinked back at me$ 2nd # reali!ed # had completely forgotten the speech #d been up half the night "riting$ 2ll right, Emerson, Mr reer said, you%e got t"o minutes$ *e looked do"n at his "atch$ 2nd $ $ $ 2ma!ing$ /he second he said that, my mind "ent e%en more blank$ 2ll # could think "as $ $ $ ho" did she kno"( .indsey, # mean$ /hat that shade of lipgloss "as so right on Whitney( # ha%e been ali%e nearly se%enteen years and # still ha%e no idea "hat shade of lipgloss looks good on me $ $ $ or anybody else, for that matter$ # blame my dad$ *es the one "ho ga%e me a boys name to begin "ith, since hed been so sure # "as going to be one 3 despite "hat the ultrasound had sho"n 3 because # kicked my mom so much "hile # "as in the "omb$ &ad insisted on naming me after his fa%ourite poet, "hich is "hat you get "hen your father teaches uni%ersity-le%el English literature$ # guess my mom "as still high off her epidural or something, because she totally let him, e%en after the ultrasound turned out to be right$ So Emerson Watts is "hat it says on my birth certificate$ # kno"$ # "as a %ictim of se'ual stereotyping in utero$ *o" many girls can claim that( $ $ $ go, Mr reer said, turning on his o%en timer$ 2nd +ust like that, all the research #d done on my assigned topic the night before came flooding back$ Phe"$ 4emales, # began, make up thirty-nine per cent of people "ho play interacti%e computer games, and yet only a small fraction of the games created by the estimated thirty-fi%e-billion-dollar "orld"ide gaming industry is geared to"ards female players$ # paused $ $ $ but it didnt matter$ # guess # couldnt really blame them$ #t "as barely nine in the morning, after all$ E%en )hristopher, "ho li%es in my building and is supposedly my best friend, "asnt paying attention$ *e "as in his normal seat in the back ro", and he "as upright$ ,ut his eyes "ere closed$

2 study, # "ent on, by the *igher Education -esearch #nstitute at 5).2 sho"ed that the percentage of computer degrees granted to "omen has no" dropped to an all time lo" of less than thirty per cent$ )omputer science is the only field in "hich "omens participation is actually decreasing o%er time $ $ $ Oh, od$ 6o one in first-period Public Speaking "as a"ake no" but me$ E%en Mr reers eyes had drifted shut$ /errific$ Way to be part of the problem, Mr reer, and not the solution$ Many researchers belie%e this is due to our educational system failing to engage girls in the sciences 3 particularly computer science 3 during the middle school years, # battled on, staring directly at Mr reer$ 6ot that he noticed$ *e "as no" gently snoring$ reat$ 1ust great$ # mean, #d been slightly psyched "hen #d gotten my topic, because the truth is, # like computer games$ Well, one computer game, any"ay$ So "hat can be done to keep girls interested in gaming, # "ent on desperately, "hich studies sho" increases problem-sol%ing and strategic abilities, and also helps de%elop social interaction skills and cooperati%e play( /here "as no point, # reali!ed$ -eally$ Well, # said, # could strip off my clothes and re%eal to you that under my +eans and s"eatshirt #m actually "earing a tank top and short shorts, much like .ara )roft from /omb -aider $ $ $ only mine are flame retardant and co%ered in glo"-in-the-dark dinosaur stickers$ 6o one stirred$ 6ot e%en )hristopher, "ho actually has a thing for .ara )roft$ # kno" "hat youre thinking, # "ent on$ lo"-in-the-dark dinosaur stickers are so last year$ ,ut # think they add a certain +e ne sais 7uoi to the "hole ensemble$ #ts true short shorts are uncomfortable under +eans and hard to get off in the ladies room, but they make the t"in thigh holsters in "hich # hold my high-calibre pistols so easy to get to $ $ $ /he o%en timer dinged$ /hank you, Em, Mr reer said, ya"ning$ /hat "as %ery persuasi%e$ 6o, Mr reer, # said "ith a big smile$ /hank you$ #ts a good thing my parents arent paying for my tuition 3 #m on a full academic scholarship at /ribeca 2lternati%e 3 because # ha%e true reser%ations about the 7uality of the education # am recei%ing here$ # "ent back to my seat as Mr reer asked 3 himself mostly, # guess 3 6o", "ho do "e ha%e ne't( Oh, yes$ Whitney -obertson( Mr reer smiled$ ,ecause e%eryone smiles "hen they say Whitneys name$ E'cept me$ 0oure up$ Whitney 3 "hod gone for a 7uick nose-po"dering after the o%en timer "ent off 3 closed her compact "ith a snap and uncrossed her legs$ # kne" # "asnt the only one in the room "ho got a flash of her leopard-print thong as she did so$ Suddenly, e%eryone seemed to be "ide a"ake$ *ere goes nothing, Whitney said "ith a laugh, and she unfolded her long, lean frame out from beneath the desk, and sauntered 3 no, really, e%en though she "as "earing four-inch platform heels$ *o" do girls do that( #f # tried to saunter in four-inch heels 8e%en in t"o-inch heels9 #d trip and fall flat on my face 3 do"n the aisle to the front of the room, her short, ruffled skirt s"aying behind her$ When she turned to face us, there "asnt an eye in room that "asnt on Whitney$ E'cept )hristophers, # noticed, "hen # turned around to check$ *e "as still soundly asleep$ 2nd $ $ $ go, said Mr reer, ad+usting the o%en timer$ My topic is about "hy #, Whitney began in a sing-song s"eet %oice completely unlike the one she uses "hen she is ad%ising me to bite her, dont belie%e in the fallacy that Western ci%ili!ations standards for female beauty are too high$ .ots of "omen complain that the fashion and film industries are attacking the self-esteem of young girls and older "omen alike$ /hey "ant these industries to employ more, 7uote, a%erage-si!ed "omen, un7uote$ # say this is ridiculous: Whitney tossed some of her long blonde 3 dyed, apparently$ 2t least according to my little sister 4rida, "ho kno"s about things like that 3 hair and asked, her blue eyes glittering "ith indignation, *o" is it an attack on any "omans self-esteem to promote a healthy "eight 3 "hich scientists ha%e determined as a body mass inde' of belo" t"enty-four point nine 3 as beautiful( #f some "omen are too la!y to go to the gym because they sit around all day playing %ideo games, "ell, thats their problem$ ,ut they cant then turn around and blame those

of us "ho take proper care of our bodies of being se'ist or holding them to impossible standards of beauty $ $ $ especially "hen so many of us are li%ing proof that those standards arent impossible at all$ My +a" dropped$ # looked around to see if anyone else "as as stunned as # "as$ /his "as Whitneys interpretation of the topic Mr reer had assigned her for her t"o-minute persuasi%e piece( /hat normal-si!ed "omen should stop blaming the media for hyping stick-thin models and actresses as the beauty ideal( 2pparently # "as the only one in the class "ho thought shed gotten it "rong$ 2t least if the rapt "ay e%eryone else 8the male half of the class, any"ay9 "as staring at Whitneys 3 admittedly e'tremely perky 3 boobs "as any indication$ #f "anting to look as beautiful as someone like 6ikki *o"ard, for instance, Whitney "ent on, naming the current #t girl in the beauty-and-fashion scene, "as really so "rong, "ould "omen be spending an estimated thirty-three billion dollars a year on "eight loss, another se%en billion on cosmetics, and three hundred million or more on cosmetic surgery( Of course not: People arent stupid: /hey kno" that, "ith a little effort and maybe a little more money, they can be as attracti%e as 3 "ell, me$ Whitney flung her long hair behind one shoulder, then "ent on, Some people 3 insert the name Emerson Watts here, the look she sent in my direction implied 3 might think its stuck-up of me to call myself attracti%e$ ,ut the truth is, beauty isnt +ust about being fi%e foot ten and a si!e !ero$ /he most important accessory a girl can ha%e is confidence $ $ $ and # guess # +ust ha%e plenty of that: Whitney lifted her shoulders in an innocent shrug, and almost all the boys 3 and half the girls 3 in class sighed as they ga!ed longingly at her$ # "hipped around in my seat and "as relie%ed to notice that )hristophers head had lolled for"ard in sleep$ One guy 3 out of fourteen 3 "as safe, any"ay$ # turned back around in my seat +ust in time to hear Whitney say, 2nd the truth is, contrary to "hat critics tell us about the ideal being unachie%able and "omen dying to be thin, the only thing killing "omen in this country is obesity, "hich is at epidemic proportions$ E%eryone in class nodded in agreement, as if all this made perfect sense$ Which it so didnt$ 2t least, not to me$ Well, Whitney said, thats about it$ Was that t"o minutes( -ight on cue, Mr Whitney$ reers o%en timer dinged$ *e beamed and said, E'actly t"o minutes$ E'cellently done,

She simpered again and started back to her seat$ Since # sa" that no one else "as going to say anything 3 as usual 3 # stuck my hand in the air$ Mr reer$ *e looked at me tiredly$ 0es, Miss Watts( Seriously, # said, lo"ering my hand$ # thought the purpose of the t"o-minute persuasi%e oral piece "as to persuade our audience of something using facts and statistics$ Which # totally did, Whitney said as she slid into her seat$ 2ll you did, # shot back, "as make e%eryone in this class "ho isnt as skinny and perfect as 6ikki *o"ard feel totally bad about themsel%es$ *o" about mentioning the fact that most of us are ne%er going to look like her, no matter ho" hard "e try or ho" much money "e spend( /he bell rang, loud and long$ # guess #d been asleep longer than # thought, because that period seemed to ha%e flo"n by$ 2nd as e%eryone sprang from their desks to get to their ne't class, .indsey got up and said to me, 0oure +ust +ealous$ /otally, Whitney said, running her hands o%er her slender thighs$ 2nd you got one thing right, Em; no matter ho" hard you try, youre ne%er going to look this good$ )ackling "ith laughter at her o"n "itticism, Whitney hurried from the classroom "ith a giggling .indsey in to", lea%ing me alone "ith Mr reer$ 2nd )hristopher$ 0ou can bring up those points ne't "eek if you "ant, Em, Mr reer %olunteered helpfully, "hen "e do rebuttal persuasi%e pieces$ # +ust glared at him$ /hanks, Mr reer, # said$ *e shrugged and looked sheepish$ # looked at )hristopher, "ho "as slo"ly "aking up, and said, /hanks to you

too$ 0ou "ere a big help back there$ )hristopher, blinking groggily rubbed his eyes$ &ude, # heard e%ery "ord you said, he said$ Oh, really( # raised an eyebro"$ What "as my assigned topic again( 5m $ $ $ #m not sure$ )hristophers smile "as slightly crooked$ ,ut # kno" it had something to do "ith short shorts$ 2nd glo"-in-the-dark dinosaur stickers$ Slo"ly # shook my head$ Sometimes # think high school is +ust something society puts teenagers through as a sort of test to see if "e%e got the stamina to handle the real "orld$ #ts a test #m pretty sure #m failing$ /"o

0ou "ould think on "eekends #d get a respite$ 0ou kno", from the Whitney -obertsons of the "orld$ /he problem is, my little sister is turning into one$ 2 Whitney, # mean$ Oh, shes not 7uite as bad as the <ueen of Mean$ 0et$ ,ut shes slo"ly getting there$ 2s # reali!ed to my horror on Saturday morning, "hen Mom said # had to go "ith her to the Stark Megastore grand opening, because at fourteen 4ridas still too young to do stuff like that by herself$ Substitute the "ord silly for young in the sentence abo%e and youll get my moms gist$ 6ot that 4rida is actually mentally diminished in any "ay$ .ike me, she got into /ribeca 2lternati%e *igh School on an academic scholarship$ Shes +ust turned into a Whitney -obertson "annabe $ $ $ or, more technically, a member of the Walking &ead$ /hats the term )hristopher and # use to describe the ma+ority of our classmates$ /o most people, !ombies are the undead$ ,ut to )hristopher and me, !ombies are the popular people at /2*S, "ho are %ery similar to the undead, in that they ha%e no soul or personality$ ,ut they are, technically, ali%e$ *o"e%er, because they ha%e no actual interests of their o"n 8or if they do, they s7uelch them in order to fit in9, and merely pursue those that they think "ill look best on their college apps, theyre !ombies$ Ergo, the Walking &ead is "hat makes up the ma+ority of the student population of /ribeca 2lternati%e *igh School$ #t "as kind of frightening to "atch your o"n sister turn into one of the Walking &ead$ ,ut unfortunately, there really isnt anything you can do to stop it from happening$ E'cept try to embarrass her as much as possible in public$ Which "ould be "hy 4rida 8it "as Moms turn to do the naming "hen my little sister "as born, and so she got stuck being called 4rida, after 4rida =ahlo 3 Moms a "omens studies professor at 605 3 a feminist Me'ican painter best kno"n for her self-portraits featuring her uni-bro" and moustache9 "as as thrilled to ha%e me along to the Stark Megastore grand opening as # "as to be going "ith her$ 5m, not$ Mo-om: she "hined$ Why does Em ha%e to come "ith me( Shes going to ruin e%erything$ Em is not going to ruin e%erything, Mom said, rolling her eyes at 4ridas dramatics$ Shes +ust going to make sure you get home all right$ #ts /WO ,.O)=S a"ay, 4rida pointed out$ ,ut Mom "ouldnt budge$ /here%e been people protesting outside the ne" Stark Megastore since before it "as e%en built, back "hen the neighbourhood found out thats "hat "ould be replacing Mamas 4ruit and >egetable Stand 8located in the middle of an abandoned lot9 on the corner of ,road"ay and *ouston$ Situated +ust t"o streets o%er from our uni%ersity-subsidi!ed apartment on West /hird and .a uardia Place, Mamas "as "here "e bought all our lettuce and bananas, since you cant trust the produce at the local ristedes, and the gourmet food store o%er on ,road"ay, &ean and &eluca, "as "ay too e'pensi%e$ Mom and # "erent the only ones "ho "ere mad "hen "e found out "hat "as going up in that empty lot$ /he "hole community banded together to sa%e Mamas, and demanded that Stark get out$ ,ut despite all the picketing, letters to the editor, sabotage of the construction site by the E.4, the En%ironmental .iberation 4ront 8# s"ear # had nothing to do "ith it, despite "hat Mom and &ad seem to think9, and promises of a community-"ide boycott, Mamas got pushed out, and a Stark Megastore 3 featuring three stories of )&s, &>&s, %ideo games, electronics and books 8the smallest and most inaccessible part of the store9 3 "ent up, guaranteed to put all the locally o"ned shops that already sold these things out of business "ith its steep discounts, endless supply $ $ $ $ $ $ and publicity stunts, like the one today; a supersi!ed grand opening, including free food and drinks 8Stark )ola and Stark )ookies and Pret!els9, "ith li%e performances on all three floors by some of the hottest young entertainers of the moment, follo"ed by an opportunity to get a personally autographed )& from them$ Which "as "hy 4rida "as so determined to go$ ,ecause unlike the rest of our family 3 and residents of our community 3 4rida "as thrilled about the ne" Stark Megastore opening up "ithin spitting distance of her bedroom "indo" 8not that 4rida "ould e%er do something as d?class? as spit9$ She could not ha%e cared less that Mamas had relocated to a "indy, desolate corner "ay o%er

in 2lphabet )ity, no"here close to "alking distance to our apartment building, or that "e "ere being forced to eat "ilted lettuce and bro"n bananas from ristedes$ 6othings going to happen, 4rida kept insisting to Mom$ #ll look out for E.4 protestors$ #ll "ear my bike helmet, if # ha%e to$ Mom +ust rolled her eyes$ #ts not E.4 #m "orried about, 4rida, she said$ #ts abriel .una$ 4ridas round cheeks 8"ell, they are$ What can # say( -ound cheeks 3 like stick-straight bro"n hair, bro"n eyes, medium height and "eight, and si!e-nine feet 3 is our genetic destiny, the "ay high cheekbones and perfect e%erything else are Whitneys9 instantly turned bright red$ Mo-om: she cried$ Whate%er: *es, like, t"enty$ *es not going to be interested in a kid like me$ /hats "hat her lips said$ ,ut anyone could tell by the glint in her eyes that 4rida didnt actually belie%e this$ She honestly thought abriel .una "as going to fall madly in lo%e "ith her as he personally autographed her )&$ # could tell$ # used to be fourteen after all, +ust t"o and a half short years ago$ So it "as a good thing "hen Mom replied, /hen you "ont mind bringing your sister along$ 1ust in case$ 1ust in case "hat( 4rida "anted to kno"$ #n case abriel .una in%ites you to a party back at his penthouse$ 0ou could tell this "as e'actly "hat 4rida had been hoping "ould happen$ 6ot that shed e%er admit it$ #nstead she snarled, abriel doesnt ha%e a penthouse, Mom$ *es not into the trappings of fame$ When # burst out laughing at trappings of fame, 4rida glared at me and said, Well, hes not$ *e li%es in a studio apartment some"here here in 6o*o$ *es not one of those music-company-fabricated pretty boy-band types Em hates so much$ *es a singer-song"riter$ E%en though hes already a sensation back in his nati%e .ondon, hardly anyone outside England kno"s "ho he is$ E'cept e%eryone "ho reads )OSMOgirl:, e%idently, # pointed out$ Since you +ust 7uoted that %erbatim from their article on him last month$ #ncluding the trappings of fame part$ *o" "ould you kno", Em( 4rida demanded snarkily # thought you ne%er read teen maga!ines$ # thought you only read your lame Electronic aming Monthly, or "hate%er$ # sighed$ 0es, but "hen #%e finished that and your )OSMOgirl: is the only thing thats lying around, "hat choice do # ha%e( Mo-om: 4rida cried$ 0ou could tell she "as really upset that Stark had been so short-sighted as to schedule their grand opening on the last "arm "eekend in September, "hich all of her fello" Walking &ead members "ere being forced to spend at their families %acation homes in the *amptons$ /heyd in%ited 4rida along of course$ ,ut shed as soon eat glass as miss an opportunity to meet actual celebrities 3 e%en ones "ho dont li%e in a penthouse$ Ems going to ruin e%erything$ )ant you see that( Shes a dork, you kno", Mom$ 6ot e%en a geek, "hich "ould be semi-respectable, but a dork$ 2ll she e%er does is play her stupid computer games "ith )hristopher, study, and "atch disgusting surgery sho"s on the &isco%ery *ealth )hannel$ 2nd shes going to say something mean to abriel, and embarrass me$ # "ill not: # protested, "ith my mouth full of micro"a%e "affle$ 0es you "ill, 4rida said$ 0oure al"ays mean to guys$ /hat is completely false, # said$ 6ame one time # "as mean to )hristopher$ )hristopher Maloney is your boyfriend, 4rida said, rolling her eyes$ 2nd # mean a cute guy$ /his "as such a libellous statement 3 since no "ay is )hristopher Maloney my boyfriend 3 that # nearly choked on my "affle$ 6ot that # ha%ent sometimes "ished )hristopher "ere my boyfriend, and not +ust my boy friend 3 or my best friend, actually$ ,ut )hristopher has ne%er once e'pressed any sort of similar desire$ 0ou kno", that "e should take our friendship to a more-than-platonic le%el$ #n fact, #m not sure )hristopher has e%er e%en reali!ed that #m not a boy$ #m not actually the most feminine girl in the "orld$ # honestly "ouldnt mind trying to be, but the t"o or three times #%e e'perimented by putting on eyeliner or "hate%er, 4rida has +ust burst into hysterical laughter and told me to /ake it off: 1ust take it off right no": before #%e e%en gotten out of the apartment$

So #%e taken it off$ # guess its unusual that my best friend is a boy$ ,ut the truth is, # ha%ent had a girl friend since fifth grade$ /he fe" occasions girls e%er actually in%ited me o%er in middle school, it "as al"ays so $ $ $ a"k"ard$ ,ecause "e ended up ha%ing nothing in common$ .ike, # al"ays "anted to play %ideo games, and they al"ays "anted to play /ruth or &are 8"ith an emphasis on the /ruth part $ $ $ like, #s it true that you ha%e a crush on that )hristopher guy, but that you +ust tell e%eryone youre really only friends, and that e%en he doesnt kno" you secretly lo%e him( &o you "ant us to tell him ho" you really feel for you( ,ecause "ell be happy to$9$ 0eah$ .ike that$ #t +ust didnt "ork for me$ # told my mother #d rather stay home and read$ Which is one of the good things about ha%ing parents "ho are academics$ /hey kno" ho" you feel$ ,ecause the truth is, theyd al"ays rather stay home and read too$ )hristopher "as different, though$ 4rom the day almost eight years ago that # sa" him hanging out "ith the mo%ing %an that "as deli%ering all his stuff to our building, # kne" "e "ere going to get along$ 2nd O=, mostly because # peeked into the bo' marked )hriss >ideo and sa" that "e liked all the same role-playing games$ ,ut "hate%er$ # guess because "e hang out so much, people think "ere dating, but nothing could be further from the truth 8alas9$ Still, e%en though "ere not dating 3 ho"e%er much # might "ish that "e "ere 3 # resented 4ridas implication that )hristopher isnt cute$ *e isnt, under the standard Walking &ead definition of hottie, of course$ # mean, hes o%er si'-feet tall and does ha%e the re7uisite blond hair and blue eyes the W& so fa%our$ E'cept that )hristopher has been trying to see ho" long he can gro" his hair before he dri%es his father, the )ommander 8he teaches political science9, completely insane$ #ts almost past his shoulders no"$ 2nd he doesnt spend four hours a day lifting "eights, so he isnt a muscle-bound freak like Whitneys boyfriend, 1ason =lein$ ,ut +ust because )hristopher isnt "hat the W&s consider hot doesnt mean he isnt cute$ /hanks, # snarled at 4rida$ 2 lot$ See if )hristopher e%er comes o%er to defragment your computer again$ )hristophers hair is longer than mine, 4rida hissed$ 2nd "hat about yesterday in the cafeteria, "hen you screamed at 1ason =lein to shut up "hile you "ere both in line for ketchup for your burgers at the condiment bar( Well, # said "ith an uncomfortable shrug, yesterday "as a bad day 2nd besides, he deser%ed it$ 2nd at least )hristopher can cut his hair$ Whats your e'cuse( 2ll 1ason said "as that he preferred the cheerleaders spring halter-top uniforms to their "inter s"eater ones: 4rida cried$ Well, that is se'ist, 4rida, Mom said$ # flashed 4rida a triumphant look o%er my "affles$ Still she "ouldnt let it go$ )heerleaders are athletes, Mom, 4rida insisted$ /heir halter-top uniforms are less binding than their s"eater ones, allo"ing them more freedom of mo%ement$ Oh my od$ # stared across the breakfast table at my little sister$ 0oure trying out for cheerleading this year, arent you( 4rida took a deep breath$ 4orget it$ 1ust forget it$ #ll ask &ad$ &adll let me go by myself$ 6o he "ont, Mom said$ 2nd you "ill not disturb him$ 0ou kno" he got in late last night$ &ad li%es in 6e" *a%en during the "eek, "here he teaches at 0ale, and only comes home to Manhattan on "eekends 8its tough on married academics "hen they cant get hired by the same college9$ ,ecause of the guilt he feels about this, &ad "ill generally let us do anything "e "ant$ #f 4rida had asked if it "ould be O= if she "ent to 2tlantic )ity "ith the mens s"im team for the "eekend to gamble a"ay her collegeeducation money, &ad "ould ha%e been like, Sure, "hy not( *eres my bank card, ha%e a blast$ ames as it sat ne't to the freight ele%ator,

Which is "hy Mom "atches us like a ha"k "hen &ads home$ She kno"s perfectly "ell that hes a pusho%er "hen it comes to his teenaged daughters$ 2nd "hats this about you trying out for cheerleading( Mom "anted to kno"$ 4rida, "e need to talk $ $ $ While Mom "ent on about ho" "omen "erent allo"ed to play mens sports in school until the @ABCs, and so "ere relegated to cheer for the male athletes on the sidelines, thus gi%ing birth to cheerleading, 4rida sent me a "ithering look that said, #ll get you for this, Em: # had no doubt shed get her re%enge later, at the Stark Megastore opening$ 2nd it turned out # "asnt "rong$ #t +ust didnt happen 7uite the "ay #d been e'pecting it to$ /hree

4rida turned out to be right about one thing; abriel .una is a great singer-song"riter$ 2nd 3 truth be told 3 he "as pretty cute too$ *e "asnt one of those music-company-fabricated pretty boys $ $ $ the ones 4rida and her friends are al"ays freaking out o%er on /-. or "hate%er$ 6or did he seem to be harbouring any strategically placed, look-at-me-#m-so-indie tattoos, or the latest popular trend amongst male singers, eyeliner$ abriel, as far as # could tell 8"hich "asnt easy, since there "as 7uite a cro"d bet"een us and the stage on "hich he "as performing9, appeared to be tattoo and make-up free$ *e "as e%en dressed sort of normally, in a button-do"n shirt and +eans$ *is hair "as choppily cut and a little too long 8though not compared to )hristophers9, and %ery dark in contrast to his some"hat piercing blue eyes 8not, you kno", that # noticed9, but it still looked good$ *is hair, # mean$ ,ut it "as his %oice 3 oh od, and that English accent 3 that got to me$ &eep and rich and soulful 3 but also playful "hen the song called for it 3 his %oice filled the ,road"ay /unes and Soundtracks section of So*o Stark Megastore, "here the mini-stage had been set up for him to perform$ People "ho "ere in the aisles looking for discount )&s couldnt help but pause "ith their Stark shopping baskets to listen, because abriels %oice "as so compelling and his presence so commanding$ *e came out on stage "ith a fast dance number 3 the first single from his ne" album$ 2nd it "as, # ha%e to admit, pretty catchy$ # found myself kind of bouncing along to it$ ,ut, you kno", secretly, so )hristopher "ouldnt notice, since # kne" hed make some cynical comment$ /hen abriel traded in the electric guitar hed been using to accompany himself for a regular one, and "ent acoustic for his second number, "hich he performed sitting on a stool$ 2nd O=, #ll admit, 4rida "asnt the only one "ho might ha%e s"ooned a little$ # had a hard time reminding myself that #m not a teeny-bopper any more $ $ $ e%en though # might ha%e been attending an actual teenybopperfest$ 2t least until it came time to get in line to get 4ridas )& signed$ /hats "hen reality came crashing back, as "e found oursel%es surrounded by a mob of thirteen- and fourteen-year-old girls, all "earing sparkly lo"-rise +eans e'actly like 4ridas, and all clutching slips of paper on "hich theyd "ritten the name to "hom they "anted abriel to personali!e their )& $ $ $ along "ith their cellphone number$ 1ust in case abriel happened to ask for it$ What had been a magical fe" moments turned tedious$ 2nd fast$ *es not looking at you, # assured 4rida as "e stood in the long 8did # mention it "as long(9 line to get autograph$ 0es he is, 4rida insisted as she "a%ed$ *es looking right at me: 6o, )hristopher said, standing beside us$ ood friend that he is, )hristopher had come along to lend me moral support $ $ $ and also to check out Starks electronics section, "hich "as featuring a ne"ly released, Starkdesigned hand-held gaming de%ice "ith a screen "ide enough that you could actually play tactic-style games on it "ithout going blind$ E%en better, they "ere selling them for under a hundred bucks$ )hristopher and # are ethically opposed to Stark Megastores $ $ $ but "ere not abo%e taking ad%antage of their hea%ily slashed discount prices$ *es looking at her$ )hristopher pointed to"ards a plasma screen that "as hanging from the ceiling abo%e our heads, sho"ing 6ikki *o"ard 3 looking coolly beautiful in a filmy e%ening go"n and ridiculously high stilettos 3 against a hot-pink background, gyrating in time to the thumping rock music that filled the store$ /here "ere do!ens 3 maybe hundreds 3 of similar plasma screens suspended by thick "ires from the open duct "ork along the ceiling all o%er the store, each featuring 6ikki *o"ard in %arious states of undress, urging patrons to try Stark Enterprises ne" line of clothing and beauty products, "hich "ould be a%ailable e'clusi%ely in Stark Megastores "orld"ide in the ne" year$ *es probably trying to see if shes got anything on under there, )hristopher +oked$ abriel doesnt think of "omen as se' ob+ects, 4rida sniffed "ith the merest flick of a glance in the direction )hristopher "as pointing$ # kno"$ # read it in his inter%ie" "ith )OSMOgirl:$ *e respects "omen "ith brains$ # nearly choked on my free Stark )ola at the suggestion that 6ikki *o"ard had a brain$ 4rida got defensi%e right a"ay$ She does: she insisted$ What other se%enteen-year-old do you kno" "hos abriels

gotten as many modelling and product-endorsement contracts as 6ikki has( 2nd she started "ith nothing 3 nothing$ Seriously, ho" could you not kno" that( &ont you people do anything but play that stupid %ideo game( 4ortunately it "asnt all that easy to hear 4rida going on about ho" out of touch )hristopher and # "ere "ith our o"n generation, considering the rock music that "as blasting all around us 8e'cept that it "as all right, since it "as abriels music9 $ $ $ not to mention the hordes of people cro"ding the store$ 6ot all of them "ere there to meet abriel .una, like "e "ere, though$ 2 lot of them, in fact, "ere there for an entirely different reason; to make trouble$ E%ery fe" minutes "e sa" a uniformed security officer dragging another protester from the store$ /he rabble rousers "ere pretty easily distinguished from actual customers, like 4rida, by their combat fatigues $ $ $ and the paintball guns they all seemed to be carrying beneath their trench coats$ /heir primary targets "ere the plasma screens, many of "hich had already been hit 8in strategic locations9 by giant blobs of yello" paint$ #n other "ords, the place "as a !oo$ Which meant that 4rida "as in her element$ My little sister "as taking in all the e'citement like it "as pure o'ygen, frantically te't-messaging her friends, letting them kno" "hat they "ere missing, and taking snaps "ith her camera phone$ ,esides, you guys, 4rida "as saying as she pointed her phone in abriels direction 3 e%en though "e "ere still so far a"ay he "as only going to appear as a "hite-shirted blob to "hoe%er she "as sending the photo, abriels deeply spiritual $ $ $ and intellectual$ 1ust like # am$ # choked on another free sample of Stark )ola$ # am: 4rida insisted$ 1ust because #m not a math and science dork like some people $ $ $ ,esides, "hat matters is the si!e of a "omans heart, not her bra$ -ight, # said sarcastically$ #m sure abrield rather be "ith a total dog than 6ikki *o"ard$ )hristopher got a good laugh out of that one 3 e%en though as # said it # "as sort of hoping it "as true$ ,ut 4rida didnt find it funny at all$ #m not a total dog, 4rida said, shooting me an in+ured look$ 4rida$ # stared at her "ith my mouth open$ # didnt mean you$ ,ut it "as too late$ #d hurt her feelings$ Maybe you think of yourself that "ay, 4rida said stiffly$ ,ut dont drag me do"n to your le%el, Em$ 2t least # make an effort$ Whats that supposed to mean( # demanded$ Well, look at you, she said$ # looked at myself$ 2nd, O=, #m not the fashion plate 6ikki *o"ard might be, in her stilettos and bikini and spray-on tan, or Whitney -obertson, "ith her flirty skirts and se'y camis$ ,ut "hats "rong "ith +eans, a hoody and )on%erse( 4rida "as only too eager to tell me$ 0ou look like a guy, she complained$ # mean, maybe you ha%e a figure, but its not like anybody could e%er tell thanks to ho" baggy you "ear your clothes$ 2nd ha%e you e%er e%en tried to do anything "ith your hair e'cept thro" it back in a scrunchy, "hich, by the "ay, are completely DCCD( 2t least # try to look nice$ # could feel myself turning bright red under the less-than-flattering Stark Megastore lighting$ #ts one thing to be dissed by your little sister$ ,ut its another thing entirely to be dissed by her in front of the guy you%e been secretly crushing on since the se%enth grade$ osh, #m sorry, # said, stung$ -eally, did # need this( # didnt e%en "ant to be in this stupid store, in this stupid line, to meet this guy "ho, O=, "as cute, but "ho #d practically ne%er heard of before this morning$ # could ha%e been ha%ing a perfectly nice time at home, trying to reach le%el si'ty of 1ourney7uest "ith )hristopher$ /he last thing # needed on one of my rare days off from that hellhole other"ise kno"n as /ribeca 2lternati%e "as this$ # didnt kno" # "as supposed to conform to some random standard of beauty dictated by some t"een-7ueen fashion model$ abriel says

/his caused )hristopher to snort "ith laughter$ /"een 7ueen$ ood one, he said$ # felt my blush turn into a flush$ Of pleasure$ ,ecause )hristopher had appreciated something #d said$ 0eah$ #m that far gone$ #ts sad really$ 2ny"ay )hristopher "ent on, # think Em looks fine $ $ $ 4ine: )hristopher thought # looked fine: My heart soared$ # mean, # kno" fine "asnt e'actly the "orlds greatest compliment, but coming from )hristopher it "as like being called earth-shatteringly gorgeous$ # "as pretty sure #d died and gone to hea%en$ $ $ $ and at least shes not some big plastic phony like her, he added, nodding at the screen abo%e our heads$ 0eah, # said, thro"ing 4rida a triumphant look$ 4ine: )hristopher said # looked fine: ,ut 4rida "as barely e%en paying attention$ 4or your information, she snapped, 6ikki *o"ard has taken the beauty and fashion industry by storm$ Shes one of the youngest models e%er to ha%e done so$ 6ikki and her friendsE Oh, here "e go$ # rolled my eyes$ 2 lecture on the 4O6s$ Whats an 4O6( )hristopher "anted to kno"$ 4riend of 6ikkis, # translated$ 2ccording to last months )OSMOgirl: she runs "ith a "hole posse of 44,4s$ Wait $ $ $ "hats an 44,4( )hristopher looked e%en more confused$ #f it didnt ha%e to do "ith a computer or computer game, )hristopher often didnt kno" "hat it "as$ /his "as "hat set him so adorably apart from e%ery other guy at /2*S$ 0ou kno"$ People "ho are in the media all the time, but theyre only 4amous 4or ,eing 4amous, # e'plained to him$ /hey%e ne%er done anything to get famous 3 because they dont ha%e any talent( /heyre usually rich peoples kids, like 6ikkis on-again-off-again boyfriend, ,randon Stark$ # "as in a good mood, on account of the fine remark, so # lo"ered my %oice to sound like a tele%ision ne"s announcer; 6ineteen-year-old son of billionaire Stark Enterprises o"ner -obert Stark$ Or celebutantes, like /im )ollinss se%enteen-year-old daughter, .ulu$ /he /im )ollins, # "ent on$ Who directed the 1ourney7uest mo%ie$ )hristophers +a" dropped$ 2nd completely ruined it( /hatd be the one, # said$ .ulus an 4O6$ Why do you guys ha%e to be so mean( 4rida "hined$ #ts like e%erything fun you look do"n on$ /hats not true, )hristopher said, crumpling an empty Stark )ookie bag, the contents of "hich hed scarfed earlier, and stuffing it into the pocket of his copious +eans$ )hristopher had !eroed in on the bags of cookies Stark "as gi%ing a"ay for free, and sei!ed as many as his pockets could hold for us to snack on later$ /he )ommander doesnt allo" +unk food in the house$ We dont look do"n on 1ourney7uest$ Well, the game$ /he mo%ie freaking sucked$ ,esides that stupid computer game, 4rida said, sco"ling$ Music, # said, noting that this music, to be e'act$ abriels %oice "as still booming o%er the speakers abo%e us$ # like music$ Well $ $ $

Oh, right, 4rida said$ 6ame one popular musician you listen to$ 2nd dont name any of that horrible metal crap )hristopher likes, either$ One popular musician( # raised an eyebro"$ 4ine$ *o" about $ $ $ /chaiko%sky( 6ice one, )hristopher said "ith a burst of laughter and an appro%ing nod$ Mahler$ *es good too$ /oo dour, # said$ ,eetho%en$ /hat dude is rad, )hristopher said, raising his fists 3 thumbs and pinkies upright 3 in a rockers salute to ,eetho%en$ ,eetho%en rules my "orld: Oh od, 4rida moaned, dropping her head into her hands in mortification$ )ome on, 4ree, # said, elbo"ing her chummily$ We arent that embarrassing, are "e(

0es, she murmured$ 0ou are$ 0ou really are$ &ont you reali!e that you guys look do"n on e%erything normal people like( .ike 6ikki *o"ard and her friends 3 #t "as kind of funny that as 4rida said this, 6ikki *o"ard herself actually materiali!ed 3 along "ith some of her friends 3 before us$ E'cept that 4rida didnt notice right a"ay$ # mean, that 6ikki *o"ard "as standing in front of her$ Well, practically$ /hats because 4rida "as too busy defending her idol tome$ 0oure al"ays going on about feminism, Em, 4rida "ent on$ Well, do you really think 6ikki "ould ha%e gotten "here she is today 3 the 4ace of Stark, one of the highest-earning models right no" 3 if she "erent a feminist( 5h, # said$ ,ecause # couldnt belie%e the person "e "ere arguing about "as "alking past us$ 2nd # dont see ho" you can e%en call yourself a feminist, Em, 4rida "ent on, obli%ious, "hen you are so totally mean about a member of your o"n se'$ # mean, 6ikkis +ust a girl, like you are$ E'cept that # could see "ith my o"n eyes that 6ikki "as %ery far from being +ust a girl 3 let alone a girl like # am$ 4or one thing, she "as about a foot taller 8thanks to a pair of fi%e-inch heels, but e%en "ithout them, she had to ha%e been about fi%e foot ten9, and about half as "ide as me$ Seriously$ /"o of her "ould ha%e fitted into my +eans$ 2nd for another, her shiny blonde hair flo"ed smoothly do"n past her elbo"s, not a strand out of place, e%en though she "as practically running 3 despite her heels 3 across the store$ Strangely, her filmy dress seemed to co%er e%erything it "as supposed to too $ $ $ despite the fact that it "as the lo"est-cut thing #d e%er seen 3 aside from "hat Whitney -obertson "ore to school last year on Picture &ay$ *o" did 6ikki keep those thin straps of material o%er her nipples, any"ay( &ouble-sided tape( #d heard about that kind of thing of course, but ne%er had a chance to obser%e its use in real life$ 2nd it "as a good thing too 8that 6ikki had thought to use tape to hold in her breasts, "hich "erent huge enough to need their o"n !ip codes or anything, but 3 unlike my o"n 3 definitely stood to attention "hen called to duty9$ ,ecause she "as carrying a tiny ball of fluff that appeared, at first glance, to be a pompom and, at second glance, to be a small dog, trying frantically to burro" its head bet"een her boobs and get a"ay from all the cra!y lights and sounds in the store$ #f it hadnt been for the tape keeping him out, "ell, that dog "ould ha%e di%ed right inside 6ikkis dress$ 4rida "as still going on about "hat a bad e'ample of feminism # am 8about "hich, can # +ust say, *ello, Pot( /his is =ettle$ 0eah, youre black9, completely obli%ious to "hat "as going on behind her 3 e%en though e%erybody else in line "as staring, slack-+a"ed, at the rapidly approaching supermodel and her entourage of dog, some kind of agent or publicist 8red-haired lady "ith a briefcase +abbering into a headset9, hairdresser 8man in a silk shirt and leather trousers, carrying a can of hairspray9 and the 6umber One 4O6 herself, .ulu )ollins, an e7ually skinny, e7ually pretty se%enteen-year-old girl in a fau' snakeskin-print "rap-dress, "ho couldnt seem to stop looking at her Sidekick, e%en to "atch "here she "as going$ # s"ear, it "as +ust like at school "hen Whitney and .indsey and the rest of the Walking &ead start their morning promenade from the front of the building to their lockers$ E%ery single person in the %icinity +ust stopped talking and stared as if transfi'ed$ 2nd not +ust the people all around us either$ # noticed that 6ikki had caught abriel .unas attention as "ell$ *e "as still smiling at the girls clustered in front of him thrusting )&s 8and their phone numbers9 at him$ ,ut he "as also keeping a pretty close eye on 6ikki $ $ $ $ $ $ as, # might add, "as )hristopher$ #t "as at that moment that 4rida finally turned round to see "hat )hristopher 3 his mouth slightly agape 3 and # "ere staring at$ 2nd completely lost it$ Ohmigodohmigodohmigod, 4rida cried, "a%ing her free hand 8the other "as still clutching her cell9 in front of her face as if she "ere fanning tears from her eyes$ Ohmigod, its her$ #ts her$ #ts *E-: # dont kno" "hat youre talking about, 4ree, )hristopher said$ /hat abriel guy maybe sensiti%e and all that$

,ut he is totally staring at her chest$ 5m, he "ouldnt be the only one doing that, # muttered, noting 3 "ith dissatisfaction 3 the direction of )hristophers ga!e$ *e reali!ed "hat # meant and began to turn bright red$ ,ut # noticed he didnt look a"ay$ 4unny ho", all of a sudden, # "asnt feeling so fine any more$ Ohmigod, you guys, 4rida said, clutching my arm$ .ulu )ollins is "ith her: # ha%e to get their autographs$ # ha%e to: ,ut at that %ery moment, the line in "hich "ed been standing for the past hour reached the %ery table that, mere minutes before, had seemed so %ery far a"ay and out of reach$ abriel .una himself "as "ithin autographing distance$ *eck, he "as "ithin /O5)*#6 distance$ 6ot that, you kno", # "as going to reach out and grab a big hunk of his shirt, or anything$ #m +ust saying # could ha%e$ #f #d "anted to$ 5p close, he looked e%en better than on stage$ 5p close, # could tell he definitely didnt ha%e any tattoos$ 6or "as he "earing eyeliner$ *is eyes really "ere that blue$ 2nd his ga!e really "as that piercing$ E'cept that it "asnt looking any"here near mine$ #t "as, in fact, still glued to 6ikki$ 4rida$ # found myself as unable to tear my ga!e from a"ay from 6ikki *o"ard$ 5h$ 4rida( abriel .una as he "as apparently unable to tear his o"n

E'cept that "hen my sister didnt reply, and "hen # finally forced myself to look in her direction, # sa" that 4rida had actually stepped from the line and "as heading to"ards 6ikki and her entourage 3 not like she meant to be doing it, but like she simply couldnt resist the pull of 6ikkis celebrity $ $ $ kind of like ho" .eander "as dra"n into the &ark )astle by the beam of the -ing of 2shanti in the 1ourney7uest mo%ie 8"hich sucked9$ 4rida( # called after her$ /hen, reali!ing that abriel .una had finally stopped staring at 6ikki and "as instead looking curiously at me, # turned to"ards him slo"ly and heard myself murmur, 5m$ *i$ *i, abriel said back$ 2nd then he smiled$ 2nd 3 #m not kidding 3 it "as like reaching le%el si'ty in 1ourney7uest$ 6o, it "as e%en better than that $ $ $ it "as like "aking up in the morning and hearing your mother go, uess "hat( /hey +ust cancelled school$ #ts a Sno" &ay Seriously, thats "hat his smile did to me 3 ga%e me a +olt of pleasure that "as almost physical, it "as so strong$ Which is "eird, because #d felt something %ery similar +ust minutes before "hen )hristopher had called me fine$ ,oys are confusing$ Of course # couldnt say anything$ Of course # could only stand there ga!ing at him "ith my mouth hanging open, "ondering ho" anyone so beautiful could be real, and not a product of airbrushing or computer animation$ Whats your name then( abriel asked in his gorgeous English accent$ 5m$ Oh od$ *e "as talking to me$ *e "as talking to me$ What should # say( Why "as this happening( Where "as 4rida( Where the frack "as 4-#&2( Em$ Em( abriel smiled some more$ Short for Emily( 5m, # said$ Oh od$ What "as "rong "ith me( 6ormally # had no problem talking to cute boys$ ,ecause normally, all the cute boys # met 3 )hristopher e'cepted of course 3 "ere se'ist creeps "ho needed to be taken do"n a peg or t"o$ /hey "erent s"eet ,ritish hotties "ith a %oice like an angel and blue eyes that seemed to pierce my soul$ 6o $ $ $ &o you ha%e a )& youd like for me to sign( abriel "anted to kno", looking 7uestioningly at my empty hands$ Oh no$ *old on, # said, my heart pounding$ My sister 3 # spun round to find 4rida and ran smack into )hristopher, "ho "as still staring at 6ikki$ Only no" he "ore a look of concern$ 5h, Em, he said$ .ook 3 What happened ne't seemed to unfold as if it "as in a dream$ Or more accurately, a nightmare$ # sa" my sister "alking to"ards 6ikki *o"ard and her posse$

2t the same time, # sa" a guy standing nearby suddenly thro" open his trench coat to re%eal an E.4 /-shirt $ $ $ along "ith a paintgun$ 2 Megastore security guy in an earpiece, seeing this at the same time # did, grabbed 6ikki by the "rist and +erked her back$ Mean"hile, Paintgun uy, grinning balefully, raised his rifle and fired at the plasma /> hanging directly o%er 6ikkis head, lea%ing an enormous yello" splotch across the screen "here 6ikkis boobs had been$ 2ctually, it looked like shed been eating a hot dog "ith mustard that had slid out on to her chest $ $ $ something that happens to me not infre7uently$ Only this time, the plasma screen came loose from the "ires suspending it from the ceiling$ 4irst one "ire popped$ /hen a second one$ 2nd standing directly beneath it stood my sister 4rida, still holding her pen to"ards 6ikki for an autograph$ 4rida: Mo%e: # yelled, my heart gi%ing a lurch$ # darted for"ard to push her out of the "ay +ust as the last "ire holding the giant tele%ision in place broke "ith a pinging sound that "as easily audible, e%en o%er the music blasting from the Stark Megastores speakers$ 2nd then the "hole thing came crashing do"n$ On me$ 2nd 3 +ust like in 1ourney7uest, "hen # make a mistake and my character loses a life 3 e%erything "ent black$ 4our

#mages$ /hats "hat # became a"are of ne't$ .ike the kind you see floating on the back of your eyelids if you press the heels of your hands against them "hen you ha%e a headache$ 1ust shapes really, floating in space$ # "atched them, "ondering "hat they "ere$ /hey looked like amoebas $ $ $ no, like )hristophers hair, under"ater in the s"imming pool, "hen they made us do laps in PE last time, and # "as spying on him "ith my goggles $ $ $ Wait a minute$ What "as # doing in PE( *ad # fallen under"ater( ,ut # "asnt "et$ 2t least, # "as pretty sure # "asnt $ $ $ # didnt feel "et$ &id #( *o" could # be seeing )hristophers hair under"ater if # "asnt "et( Maybe my eyes "erent open$ Were my eyes closed or open( Why couldnt # lift up my hand to feel my face and see( My hand felt so hea%y $ $ $ # couldnt e%en lift it $ $ $ Why "as # so tired( So tired $ $ $ # heard %oices$ /he %oices "ere saying things$ What "ere they saying( # couldnt tell$ # couldnt understand them$ # "as too tired to understand them$ Who kept talking( Why "ouldnt they let me sleep( Wait$ /hat "as Moms %oice$ Mom "as the one "ho "as doing all that talking$ Mom and $ $ $ "ho else( &ad$ /hat "as &ad$ Mom and &ad "ere talking$ /hey "ere saying things$ /hey "anted me to "ake up$ Why( Why couldnt # +ust go on sleeping( # kne" # should listen to them 3 "hene%er Mom tells us to do something, 4rida and # al"ays do it$ E%entually any"ay$ ,ut # felt like # couldnt mo%e$ .ike #d been turned to stone$ # +ust "anted to go on sleeping fore%er$ Still, # could hear Mom, her %oice charged "ith urgency$ Em: Em, if you can hear me, open your eyes: Open your eyes, Em$ 1ust open your eyes for a minute, Em$ # kne" that old trick$ /he second she kne" # "as a"ake, Mom "ould make me get up and empty the dish"asher or go to school or something e7ually hideous$ # "asnt falling for that one$ Em: Please: Please, +ust open your eyes$ She sounded pretty upset, though$ Maybe the apartment "as on fire$ Maybe # should do "hat she said$ 1ust open my eyes for a second to see "hat she "anted$ Please, Em $ $ $ She sounded like she "as crying actually$ # didnt "ant to make my mom cry$ /hats the last thing # "anted to do$ So # tried to open my eyes$ # really did$ # "anted to$ ,ut they +ust $ $ $ "ouldnt open$ My eyes "ouldnt open$ # heard my mother crying, and # heard my dad comforting her, murmuring, #ts all right, =aren$ #n cases like this, # heard another, unfamiliar mans %oice saying, its not unusual for 3 # didnt hear the rest of "hat the man "as saying because # "as too busy concentrating on trying to make my eyes open$ Only # couldnt get my eyelids to lift$ # really couldnt$ #t "as like they "ere made of lead, and # "as +ust too "eak to raise them$ So then # tried to open my mouth to tell my mom not to cry, that # "as fine, +ust so tired$ Maybe if they let me rest a little more $ $ $ ,ut # found # couldnt open my mouth either$ /hat "as a little scary$ 4or a minute$ ,ut the truth "as, # "as really +ust so tired $ $ $ it "as so much easier to go back to sleep$ #d tell Mom later, # decided $ $ $ about my being too tired to do "hat she asked$ #d e'plain it all later, "hen # "asnt so sleepy$ # needed to get my energy back$ #d be fine "ith a fe" more hours of sleep$ 4inally # managed to open my eyes$ 6ot because anyone "as calling my name$ 6ot because # "as seeing amoebas behind my eyelids$ My eyes +ust $ $ $ opened$

2ll by themsel%es$ ,ut "hen they did, and # looked around, # "as surprised to find # "asnt in a s"imming pool, or e%en at home, but in a bed in a hospital room$ # could tell that # "as in a bed in a hospital room, because e%en though it "as pretty dark 3 it had to be nighttime 3 nothing looked familiar to me$ /he "alls "ere beige, not the 6a%a+o White #d painted my "alls back home in a fit one day, because # couldnt stand the bland eggshell the rest of the "alls in our apartment "ere$ 2nd all my posters 3 from the 1ourney7uest mo%ie, "hich # kno" had sucked, but the posters "ere cool 3 "ere gone$ So "ere all my postcards from that field trip "e took to the Metropolitan Museum of 2rt$ #nstead, all # could see "ere "ires$ Wires that appeared to be coming out of me$ /hey "ere hooked up to machines beside the bed # "as in, "hich "ere "hirring softly and occasionally making pinging noises$ 4ortunately # didnt get scared or anything, because sitting in a chair ne't to the machines "as my dad$ *e "as sleeping$ # tried to think "hy # "ould be in a hospital "ith "ires coming out of me$ # am actually a %ery healthy person and ha%e only been to the hospital once, "hen # broke my arm falling off the see-sa" in our apartment buildings playground in the second grade$ *ad # fallen off something again( # couldnt remember climbing on anything$ *o" had # ended up in the hospital( # didnt feel hurt$ 1ust super-duper tired$ ,ut # felt better than my dad looked$ *e had a lot of grey stubble all o%er his face, like he hadnt sha%ed in a long, long time 8"hich seemed kind of funny to me, since "hen #d seen him +ust last night at dinner, he hadnt had a beard$ Or had he( .ooking back, # couldnt seem to remember $ $ $ hadnt # had dinner "ith my dad last night( #t seemed so long ago $ $ $ 9 $ 2lso, his shirt "as super "rinkly and there "ere some stains on it$ /he truth "as, my dad looked pretty a"ful$ # "ondered "hy my dad "ould look like that$ # didnt "ant to "ake him up to ask though$ /hat seemed like it "ould be a selfish thing to do$ On the other hand $ $ $ # "as so thirsty$ Seriously$ # thought # "as going to die of thirst$ ,ut there didnt appear to be anyone else around$ 2nd it looked as if, "hate%er "as "rong "ith me, it "as kind of serious, gi%en all the tubes and "ires$ #f # could +ust get a sip of "ater #d go right back to sleep, no 7uestions asked $ $ $ # opened my mouth and tried to say &ads name$ 2t first nothing happened$ /hats right$ # tried to say the "ord &ad and no sound at all came out of my mouth$ # had to try a couple more times before # "as able to make any kind of noise and, e%en then, it "as more of a grunt than anything else$ &ad( Only the "ord sounded really strange$ # dont kno" "hy$ Maybe my %oice "as rusty from lack of use or something$ Or thirst$ ,ut my dads head +erked up any"ay, and he stared at me all bug-eyed$ Er $ $ $ Em( he asked hesitantly$ *-hey, # said$ S-sorry 3 E'cept that came out sounding "eird too$ What "as "rong "ith my %oice( &ad seemed to think my %oice sounded "eird too, since, his eyes still "ide, he +umped up from his chair, yelling, &octor: &octor: and then rushed off$ Which indicated to me that # must be more hurt than #d originally thought$ ,ut # "as too tired to "ait around to find out ho" hurt$ Seriously, # felt e%en more tired than # usually feel in first-period Public Speaking$ Which is pretty tired$ Probably if # didnt stay up all night playing 1ourney7uest "ith )hristopher 3 then ha%e to stay up the rest of the night finishing my home"ork 3 #d be able to get up in the morning, but $ $ $ # "anted to stay a"ake$ # really did$ # "anted to find out "hat "as "rong "ith me, and "hy # "as in the hospital$ # "anted to get some "ater $ $ $ ,ut # +ust couldnt keep my eyes open a minute longer$ # closed them, thinking #d +ust take a little nap until &ad got back$

,ut of course # "ent back to sleep$ Mmmm, sleep$ &elicious sleep$ # hoped # "ouldnt start drooling after # dropped off$ ,ut # figured in a hospital they must be totally used to that$ When # opened my eyes again it "as daytime$ 2nd my mom "as sitting in the chair my dad had +umped out of$ She "as calling my name$ Mom, # said groggily ,ecause the truth "as, # "as still pretty tired$ # dont "ant to go to school today$ O=( 2t least thats "hat # tried to say$ #m not positi%e those are the "ords that my mother heard, because they didnt sound much like "hat came out of my mouth$ #nstead of arguing "ith me though, Mom flattened her hand across her mouth and started to cry$ /hats "hen # noticed she "asnt the only person in the room besides me$ ,ehind her stood my dad and a couple of people in "hite coats #d ne%er seen before$ # figured the reason she "as crying "as because my %oice still sounded so "eird$ #t "as kind of $ $ $ # dont kno" $ $ $ high-pitched$ 2lso, # still "asnt sure the "ords #d said made sense$ *oney, &ad said$ *e had his hands on Moms shoulders and "as looking at me funny $ $ $ like the time # slipped and hit my chin on the side of the pool at the hotel "e "ere staying at in &isneyWorld, and # didnt kno" it but a big chunk of my skin had come off and # "as bleeding copiously, but since it didnt hurt # "asnt crying or anything, nor did # notice # "as co%ered in my o"n blood because # "as "et any"ay$ &o you, um, kno" "ho "e are( Whoa$ Whate%er number #d done to get myself into the hospital, it must ha%e been serious$ 5m, yeah, # said$ 0oure &aniel Watts and shes =aren -osenthal-Watts$ /he "ords didnt really come out sounding that clear$ /here seemed to be something "rong "ith my enunciation$ Maybe thats "hy my mom burst into loud sobs$ Which "as really startling$ #%e ne%er seen her cry that "ay before$ 6ot e%en at the end of the mo%ie .o%e 2ctually, "hich al"ays makes her "eep like a baby$ #m pretty sure &ad had ne%er heard her cry like that before either$ *e looked totally startled by her outburst, and kept going, =aren, its O=$ 4ortunately one of the people "earing a "hite coat stepped around my parents "hile they "ere huddled in their "eepy hug and said, in a kind %oice, #m &octor *olcombe, Emerson$ Oh, # said$ /hen # tried to clear my throat$ Only it didnt "ork, because there "as nothing in my throat to clear, apparently$ Why does my %oice sound so "eird( # asked$ &r *olcombe had taken out a penlight and "as flashing it into my eyes$ 2re you in any pain( he "anted to kno"$ # "asnt sure if he "as ignoring my 7uestion or if he +ust hadnt understood me$ My %oice sounded so "eird, # couldnt 7uite understand myself$ Mean"hile, another person in a "hite coat, this one a lady "ith her dark hair in a bun, said, #m &octor *iggins$ )an you "iggle your toes for me, Emerson( #t "as hard 3 # "as still so tired 3 but # "iggled my toes$ What happened to me( # "anted to kno"$ )an you follo" the end of my finger "ith your eyes, Emerson( &r *olcombe "anted to kno"$ &ont mo%e your head$ 1ust follo" it "ith your eyes$ So # follo"ed his finger "ith my eyes$ # could see e%erything +ust fine no"$ 6o more amoebas e%ery"here$ # mean, # kno" #m in the hospital, # "ent on$ ,ut "hats "ith all these "ires( 2nd "hy does my %oice sound like that( 1ust keep looking here, &r *olcombe said as he continued to shine the light in my eyes as # "as follo"ing his finger "ith my ga!e$ )an you s7uee!e my hand, Emerson( &r *iggins "anted to kno"$ # s7uee!ed her hand$ Seriously, # said$ Since Mom "as still crying and &ad "as still trying to help her pull herself together, # had no

choice but to address my concerns to these doctors # had only +ust met$ *o" much school ha%e # missed( ,ecause # "as in all 2d%anced Placement classes, and it "as no +oke if you fell behind$ 2nd then, because # still sounded so "eird to myself, # asked, What is "rong "ith my %oice( Well get to all that, &r *olcombe said, finally flicking off his flashlight, in time, Emerson$ Em, # corrected him$ # go by Em$ Of course$ &r *olcombe smiled, and put his penlight a"ay$ 6o" "hy dont you try to get some more rest( 0our family, as you can see, is fine 3 he glanced at them, reali!ed they "ere both still sniffling, and looked uncomfortably a"ay again 3 er, at least, they "ill be$ /hey%e been %ery "orried about you, thats all$ #ts 7uite a relief to see that youre doing so "ell$ 0ou can go back to sleep no", if you "ant to$ # "as still pretty sleepy$ ,ut # "as "orried about the school thing$ *is assurance that "ed get to all that in time didnt mean # "asnt going to ha%e bucketloads of "ork to make up$ 2nd ho" come no one "ould ans"er my 7uestion about my %oice( ,ut the doctor "ith her hair in a bun "as +iggling some of my "ires, and suddenly # got sleepier than e%er$ So # closed my eyes for another little nap$ 2nd "hen # opened them again, it "as night-time, and the handsomest guy #d e%er seen in my life "as sitting in the chair beside my bed$ 4i%e

Oh, youre a"ake then, the guy said "hen he noticed that # "as staring at him$ 2nd then he smiled$ 2nd # kne" e'actly "hat it must feel like to reach le%el si'ty at 1ourney7uest$ Suddenly, it "as a little hard to breathe$ 2lso, it "asnt at 2.. annoying that one of the machines ne't to my bed started pinging like M2& in time "ith my heartbeat$ Oh no, the guy said, the smile disappearing as he glanced at the machine in alarm$ &id # do something( 6o, # assured him in my still-"eird %oice$ ,ut "ho e%en cared( Ob%iously this guy "as a hallucination$ ,ut one that # "as going to en+oy as long as # could$ # smiled back at him, and asked, relie%ed the pinging had gone back to normal 8ho" embarrassing:9, 2re those for me( ,ecause he "as holding a big bou7uet of red roses$ .ike his presence "asnt enough of a treat$ *ed brought me flo"ers as "ell$ Oh, he said, looking do"n at the roses like hed only +ust remembered they "ere there$ *e laid them do"n on the bed beside me$ 0es, they are$ &o you remember me( abriel .una( 4rom the Stark Megastore grand opening last month( # had no idea "hat he "as talking about$ # guess # semi-remembered something about a Stark Megastore$ # definitely remembered him though$ Or at least, # thought # did$ /hat dark hair and those piercing blue eyes 3 those # kne"$ 1ust not the name that had been attached to them$ Or ho" # kne" them$ # couldnt belie%e such a totally hot guy "as %isiting me in the hospital$ 2nd # really couldnt belie%e he had brought me flo"ers$ Of course # remember you, # lied$ /hats good to kno", abriel said, smiling again$ 2nd this time, e%en though my heart didnt speed up 8thank od9, # felt it melt$ 1ust a little$ ,ecause of course e%en though he "as handsome, he "asnt )hristopher$ # "asnt certain you "ould$ )ouldnt ha%e been the best day of your life $ $ $ What "as he talking about( # had no idea$ *a ha, # said, smiling back at him$ # reached o%er to touch one of the roses silky crimson petals$ Which is "hen # noticed my hand $ $ $ $ $ $ "asnt my hand$ # mean, it "as, ob%iously$ #t "as attached to my arm$ ,ut it looked $ $ $ different$ #nstead of my che"ed-up, raggedy fingernails 8#m a hardcore nail-biter9, # sa" that # had "hat appeared to be a gro"n out, though perfecte'cept-"here-the-cuticles-needed-to-be-pushed-back, 4rench manicure $ $ $ pink on the bottom, "ith "hite tips$ Weird$ 2lso, did my fingers look $ $ $ thinner than before( )ould you lose "eight in your hand( # suppose so, if you "ere unconscious long enough$ ,ut still$ *o" long had # been sleeping, any"ay( /hen # reali!ed; long enough for 4rida to glue on those .ee Press On 6ails she "as al"ays threatening to make me "ear$ /hen # reali!ed abriel "as talking to me$ *e "as saying, 0ou look "ell$ /heyre saying 3 "ell, all sorts of things about you$ # didnt kno" "hat to e'pect$ 6o one "ould tell me anything about you$ /hey arent allo"ing %isitors $ $ $ # had to sneak on to this floor 3 *e snuck on to my floor to %isit me( /hat "as so s"eet $ $ $ *o" are you feeling( he asked, actually sounding concerned$ 4ine, # replied$ 2 little sleepy $ $ $

/hen you rest, abriel said, looking slightly alarmed$ # didnt mean to "ake you$ 6o, its O=, # said, fearful he "as preparing to lea%e$ My hot-guy hallucination: #t couldnt end so soon: ,ut the truth "as, # "as ha%ing a hard time keeping my eyelids up$ /hey kept kind of falling closed, no matter ho" hard # tried to keep them open, +ust like in Mr reers class$ &ont go, # said to him$ #t "as +ust an inch or t"o from the rose petal # "as stroking to "here he "as resting his hand$ 2nd before # could stop myself, # had lain my fingers o%er his$ What "as # doing( # mean, me, touch a boys hand( Especially the hand of a boy as cute as abriel .una$ 6ot that any boy as cute as he "as had e%er come close enough to me before in order for me to reach his hand $ $ $ # mean, ob%iously there "as )hristopher, "ho # considered cute $ $ $ $ $ $ but # kne" the rest of the "orld 3 or at least 4rida and the rest of the Walking &ead 3 didnt technically agree "ith me$ 2t least, not unless he got a haircut$ /hen again, )hristopher had ne%er brought me -OSES before$ )hristopher hadnt come to %isit me in the hospital 8dont think # hadnt noticed9$ )hristopher had ne%er stroked the back of my hand "ith his thumb, as abriel had +ust done$ /he fe" times #d e%er touched )hristophers hand "ith mine, hed mo%ed his out of the "ay "ith lightning fast speed, thinking it "as an accident 8it so "asnt9$ ,ut the thing "as, none of this "as really happening any"ay, since it "as all a hallucination $ $ $ so "hat did it matter( /his "as the perfect opportunity to practise holding a boys hand so that, "hen the opportunity "ith )hristopher actually arose 3 and it "as going to ha%e to some day, right( -ight( 3 #d kno" "hat to do$ /he minute my fingers touched his, abriel stopped looking like he "as getting ready to get up and lea%e$ #nstead, his face kind of softened a little, and he e%en turned his hand o%er to hold mine, and, doing that ama!ing thumb-stroking thing, said, in that deep soothing %oice of his, #ll stay until you go to sleep$ Wo"$ /hat sounded nice$ Super nice$ 2nd e'actly "hat a hallucination should say$ # could only hope )hristopher, "hen the time came, "ould be as nice$ ,ut there "as still something %aguely "rong$ Something "as missing from my perfect-boy-hallucination scenario$ /hen # reali!ed "hat it "as$ Will you sing me that song( # asked, my eyelids so hea%y # "as looking out of mere slits$ /he one you sang $ $ $ Where( # didnt e%en kno" "hat # "as talking about$ 2ll # kne" "as that #d heard him sing a song $ $ $ some"here$ # "as pretty sure$ *e smiled$ # didnt kno" you e%en heard that song, he said$ # thought you didnt sho" up until after my performance "as o%er$ ,ut #ll gladly sing it for you$ What "as he talking about( ,ut then he started singing, super softly, and it didnt matter$ 2nd the s"eet notes of the song he "as singing soon lulled me all the "ay to sleep $ $ $ but not before # heard, "ay off in the furthest reaches of my mind, a %oice that sounded a lot like that of the lady "ith the bun in her hair going, *ey, you there: What are you doing in here( 2nd the singing stopped$ ,ut by that time # "as asleep any"ay, and so # didnt care$ 2 hot guy named abriel .una had sung me to sleep$ 2 hot guy named abriel .una had brought me roses$ 2 hot guy named abriel .una had held my hand$ #t had to all be a dream$ /he most perfect dream # had e%er had$ Or "ould ha%e been, if it had been a different boy, and not abriel .una$ # ne%er "anted to "ake up$ E'cept that of course # did$ Wake up, # mean$

/he ne't time # opened my eyes, it "as daylight again$ 2nd sitting in the chair beside me "as a girl "ho kept shaking my arm and going, 6ikki: 6ikki, "ake up$ Wake 5P: /hen, "hen she sa" that my eyes "ere open, she "ent, Oh, thank od$ What are they pumping into you any"ay, to make you sleep so hard( # thought you "ere in a coma or something$ # +ust blinked at her$ She looked familiar someho", but # couldnt 7uite figure out ho"$ Was she someone # kne" from school( 2nd if so, "hy "as she talking to me( ,ecause she "as totally gorgeous 3 perfectly smooth cafe-aulait coloured skin, a funky bleached-blonde pageboy, collarbones so sharp they looked like they could cut through tin cans, like those kni%es on />$ 2nd the gorgeous girls at /ribeca 2lternati%e do not speak to me$ E'cept to ask me to get out of their "ay$ 0ou ha%e no idea ho" long #%e been trying to track you do"n$ &o you kno" they%e got rent a cops at all the ele%ators, to keep people from getting up here to see you( etting in to see you is harder than getting a table at Pastis for Sunday brunch, the girl prattled on$ # had to sneak up the stair"ell, then hide in the ladies room until the coast "as clear$ /hank od # had a copy of the ne"est issue of 5s Weekly to thro" on to the head nurses desk in order to distract them long enough for me to sneak by$ #ts a good thing ,ritneys on the co%er again, or it ne%er "ould ha%e "orked$ Slo"ly, # reali!ed ho" # kne" this girl$ 6ot because #d been asked by her to mo%e out of the "ay in the hall"ays of my school, but because shed been on the co%ers of some of 4ridas maga!ines$ She "as .ulu )ollins, daughter of /im )ollins, the famous film director "hose cinematic adaptation of 1ourney7uest had made so much money $ $ $ and almost ruined the "hole game for me fore%er after$ Why in ods name "as .ulu )ollins sitting beside my hospital bed( 2ny"ay she "ent on, Since no one "ould tell me anything about "hat "as going on "ith you, # +ust took matters into my o"n hands$ # had to$ # kno" =ellys going to be mad, but "hate%er, #m your best friend 3 and shes not going to keep from me "hats going on "ith my best friend$ 2lso, to tell you the truth, # couldnt take the "hining any more$ 0ou "ouldnt belie%e ho" much shes missed you$ So # brought her to see you$ # kno" its against the rules, but "hate%er, some rules are +ust stupid$ 2nd "ithout another a "ord, .ulu )ollins reached into her colossal tote bag, and pulled out $ $ $ $ $ $ 6ikki *o"ards fluffy "hite dog$ Which she promptly deposited on my chest$ 2nd can # +ust say, that dog "ent mental for me( # ha%e ne%er really considered myself much of a dog person$ # mean, # like them "ell enough, but my parents ne%er thought it "as a great idea for us to ha%e pets, gi%en their "acky li%ing situation 8&ad in 6e" *a%en, Mom in 6e" 0ork )ity9$ ,ut this dog$ *oly moley, this dog lo%ed me$ #t "as +umping all o%er me, licking my face, dislodging "ires 3 Oh: .ulu cried as one of the machines ne't to my bed began to ping cra!ily$ What the 3 ho" do you reconnect this thing( Oh, here $ $ $ stick it back on$ S/#)= #/ ,2)= O6: # didnt kno" "hat she "as talking about$ 2pparently, the "ire had been connected by a sticker $ $ $ to my forehead$ # put it back "here it had been, and the pinging stopped$ .ulu immediately rela'ed$ Phe", she said$ Oh my od, seriously, they are guarding this place like its the freaking front door to )a%e$ 2nd for once, # am so not on the list$ Which, "hate%er$ &id you kno" =elly "ont say "hats "rong "ith you( /he press is ha%ing a field day$ 0ou should see "hat theyre saying, 6ik, its unfreakingbelie%able$ #m +ust saying no comment cos of "hat happened last time$ ,ut you look "ay better than you did then$ Seriously$ E%en though youre doing the no-make-up thing$ )osy, stop licking her$ # finally managed to pry the dog a"ay from my face$ ,ut then # sa" something that distracted me from both the dog licking me all o%er and the girl # had ne%er met before "ho "as acting like she kne" me$ 2nd that "as that there "as a %ase of red roses sitting on the "indo"sill 3 along "ith about a million other bou7uets$ ,ut none of the others "as red roses$

Wait a minute$ *ad my hallucination been real( *ad abriel .una really come to %isit me, and sung me to sleep "hile holding my hand( 6o$ 6o "ay$ So "hen are they letting you out of here( .ulu "anted to kno"$ 2lso, "hat do you "ant me to tell ,randon( ,ecause hes been calling and stopping by the loft nonstop$ *es the one "ho figured out "here you "ere$ 2nd, oh my od, you kno" that guy from the Stark grand opening( /hat ,ritish guy, the singer, "hats his name $ $ $ abriel, # said$ 2nd my heart ga%e a thud at the mere mention of his name$ Man, # "as in trouble$ Especially since # didnt e%en like him$ # liked another boy entirely$ # mean, didnt #( -ight, abriel, .ulu said$ 2ny"ay he sent a "hole ,2S=E/ of roses to the loft$ Seriously$ /he "hole place stinks of roses no"$ /hat guys got it bad for you$ 2ny"ay, ,randon sa" them 3 he stopped by the other night, thinking hed catch you at home, "hich, you kno", as if 3 and no" # think he thinks theres something going on "ith the t"o of you$ 0ou and that ,ritish guy$ Which is good, right( ,randon totally deser%es it$ # sa" him dancing "ith Mischa again at )a%e, dont be mad, but you%e been kind of M#2, and 3 )osy, stop it$ She tried to pry the dogs tongue off my face again, but it didnt do any good$ 4or such a small puffball of a creature, 6ikki *o"ards dog possessed a surprising amount of sali%a$ od, #m sorry, maybe # shouldnt ha%e brought her$ 6o, # said, reaching up to stroke the little dogs soft, curly hair$ #ts O=$ #ts +ust that $ $ $ .ulu had taken a can of energy drink from her enormous tote, and no" she cracked it open and took a sip$ Sorry, she said, "hen she noticed # "as looking at the bright pink can$ #m so hung o%er$ Oh my od, # "as soooo "asted last night, all # had "as a Po"er,ar for lunch and then some popcorn and like t"enty mo+itos and, ooooh, did you see this( She "a%ed an enormous ring in my face$ 1ustin got it for me$ Pink sapphire$ What do you think( #m "orried hes thinking 3 you kno"$ 2nd # am so not ready to go there$ What am #, gonna s7uee!e out a couple of spa"n like ,ritney( 6o thanks$ ,ut #m keeping it any"ay, because its so pretty$ # blinked at her$ Was any of this really happening( Was .ulu )ollins really sitting in my hospital room, telling me that abriel .una had sent a basketful of roses to me, care of the loft she and # supposedly shared, and sho"ing off a ring gi%en to her by someone named 1ustin 8she had to mean 1ustin ,ay, star of the mo%ie %ersion of 1ourney7uest$ /hats "ho she "as rumoured to be dating, right( 2t least according to 4ridas latest copy of 5s Weekly, "hich #d +ust happened to pick up and read$ )o%er to co%er9( What "as going on( Maybe this "as a continuation of the dream #d had about abriel .una$ E'cept that hadnt been a dream, had it( ,ecause the roses hed gi%en me "ere sitting right there on the "indo"sill$ 2nd "hat about this dog( /his dog "asnt a hallucination$ # could feel its little heart pounding ne't to mine as it licked my face "ith its hot, "et tongue$ 6o, #m a"ake$ #m definitely a"ake$ Which "as "hy # said to .ulu, #m sorry$ ,ut # dont ha%e the slightest idea "hat youre talking about$ # dont $ $ $ # mean, ha%e "e $ $ $ met( .ulus little rosebud mouth fell open$ 2nd "hen it did, # could see she had a "ad of pink gum in there$ Oh my od, she said$ #s that "hats going on( &o you ha%e amnesia( ,ecause you hit your head pretty hard "hen you passed out, 6ik$ 2lthough abriel "as all o%er you in a second, and so "ere the paramedics$ Well, they "ere already there, "orking on that girl the /> fell onE /hats another thing, # said$ My names not 6ikE .ulus mouth closed "ith a snap$ *er eyes narro"ed$ 2nd suddenly she "as on her feet, her hands on my shoulders, shaking me, "hile )osy barked "ith alarm$ What ha%e they done to you( .ulu shrieked$ Who "as it( Who did this( Was it the Scientologists( # told you to stay a"ay from those people: ,eing shaken 3 e%en though it "as by a tiny girl "ho looked like a "alking toothpick 3 "as causing all the machines at the side of my bed to start beeping$ 2lso, # cant say it felt all that good$ Oh my od, 6ik, its me, .ulu, the girl, "ho "as no" kneeling beside me on my bed, "as screaming at me$ 0our best friend: 0our room-mate: Or loft-mate, because, you kno", "e ne%er could share a bathroom, let alone a bedroom, because "ith your acid reflu', e", butE

Whats going on in here( demanded a shrill %oice from the door"ay$ 2nd # turned my head to see a nurse staring at us in horror$ et a"ay from her: the nurse yelled$ Orderly: Orderly: 2nd the ne't thing # kne", a shrieking .ulu "as being yanked off me by a burly man in blue scrubs, "hile a nurse had grabbed the little "hite dog 3 "ho "as snarling pretty ferociously for such a po"der puff 3 and "as carrying it out of my room "hile my mom and &r *olcombe came rushing into it, both looking "hite-faced and concerned$ 6ikki, .ulu screamed as they carried her off$ &ont "orry, 6ikki: #ll be back: #ll get to the bottom of this, if its the last thing # do 3 /hen a door slammed, and both she and the yapping dog "ere gone$ /he only sounds "ere the mad pings and pongs coming from the machines by the side of my bed$ 2re you all right, honey( Mom asked me, her eyes "ide "ith alarm$ #m fine, # said as &r *olcombe bent o%er me, checking his "ires$ ,ut "hats going on( Why did she think she kne" me( Were %ery sorry about that, Emerson, &r *olcombe said$ *ed succeeded in shutting off most of the alarms$ 6o" there "as +ust the steady ping-ping of my heart monitor$ /he nurses are supposed to keep out non-family members $ $ $ ,ut # dont kno" .ulu )ollins, # said$ Why did she think she kno"s me( Why "as she calling me 6ikki( Mom 3 "hats going on( &octor, Mom said "orriedly She "as che"ing on her lo"er lip, something she only did "hen she "as seriously upset about something 3 like &ad not getting back to Manhattan in time for one of 4ridas clarinet recitals or my science fair$ Shouldnt "eE 2bsolutely not, &r *olcombe said$ *e "as messing around "ith a needle$ Emerson needs rest$ ,ut, &octorE /he best thing for her is to $ $ $ # didnt hear the rest of their con%ersation$ /hats because &r *olcombe did something "ith the needle hed been holding 3 e%en though # didnt feel a thing 3 and the ne't thing # kne", # "as do!ing off again, "ay too sleepy to keep listening$ #f #d kno"n that that sleep "as the last truly restful one # "as to ha%e for a long, long time, #d ha%e tried to en+oy it more$ Si'

When # opened my eyes again, it "as night-time, and 4rida "as peering do"n at me$ # mean, really staring, like # "as some homeless guy passed out in a sub"ay car, co%ered in my o"n %omit$ When she sa" # "as a"ake, she +umped about a mile back and stared at me "ith "ide, terrified eyes$ # mean it$ She looked completely freaked$ emong Whats "rong( # asked her$ My %oice still sounded "eird 3 all high-pitched and sort of $ $ $ # dont kno"$ or something$ ,ut "hate%er$ *a%e # got something on my face( irlie,

# lifted my hand to feel my face$ ,ut all # felt "as smooth skin$ Which "as $ $ $ "ell, unusual$ # do the best # can, of course, but lets +ust say # couldnt imagine after ho"e%er long #d been in the hospital, my comple'ion "as looking its best$ ,ut # didnt feel a single bump$ Which "as a miracle in itself$ What 3 # broke off$ Man, my %oice sounded strange$ #t had been a "hile, # reali!ed, since #d had anything to drink$ #n fact, # "as drying up "ith thirst$ Maybe that "as it$ Maybe # +ust needed to drink something$ #s there "ater in here or anything( W-"ater( 4rida stammered$ 0ou "ant s-some "ater( 5m, yeah, # said$ # actually felt a"ake enough to try to sit up$ ,ig mistake$ /he machines ne't to me started pinging like cra!y$ 2lso, all the "ires connected to me pulled me back do"n against the pillo"s$ 6ot to mention, my head kind of throbbed "hen # tried to lift it$ # dont think 3 4rida looked horrified 3 # dont think youre supposed to try to get up yet$ # kind of got the message, # said$ # reached up to touch one of the "ires and found that it "as only attached to my head by a sticker$ 5sing my ne", long press-on nails, # peeled the sticker off, along "ith the "ire$ 6o pinging$ *mmm$ # dont think youre supposed to be doing that, 4rida said, her ga!e o"lish$ #ts fine, # said, pulling off more stickers$ Of course, # had no idea "hether or not it "as fine$ # +ust didnt "ant to be attached to machines any more$ Why should # be, "hen # felt fine( # mean, e'cept for the throbbing head$ Oh, and the parched throat$ #s there any "ater around here( # asked 4rida$ &oes my %oice sound "eird to you( ,ut 4rida +ust stood there, looking like she "as about to cry$ 2nd for the first time # noticed she hadnt bothered "ith her morning blo"-dry$ *er hair "as a mass of staticky tangles threatening to engulf her pale, tear-stained face$ She didnt ha%e any make-up on either, and instead of being dressed at the height of /een )hic, she had on one of Moms old s"eaters and a pair of her most faded +eans$ /his, more than anything else 3 including the roses from abriel .una, "hich # sa" "ere still on the "indo"-sill, though they "ere a lot droopier than before, and that e'tremely odd %isit from .ulu )ollins 3 disturbed me$ # mean, 4rida has been scrupulous about her appearance since $ $ $ "ell, her "hole life$ # cant remember a time "hen she "asnt freaking out o%er a blackhead, much less "hen she last left the house "ithout mascara$ 2nd here she "as, cosmetic free, and looking like death "armed up$ *ey, # said$ Whats the matter "ith you( 0ou look like somebody +ust told you 2merican #dol is fi'ed$ Which #m pretty sure it is, by the "ay$ # $ $ $ 4rida blinked a fe" times$ 2nd an actual tear slid out from beneath one eyelid$ # +ust cant belie%e $ $ $ its you$ Well, of course its me, # said$ Seriously, "hat "as "rong "ith my little sister( #%e al"ays thought she spent "ay too much time obsessing about ho" she looks, and not enough time reading books $ $ $ e%en comic books$ ,ut still$ /his "as ridiculous$ She looked like $ $ $ "ell, as .ulu "ould put it, crap$ Who else "ould it be( Something about that 7uestion made 4ridas face crumple$ 2nd suddenly, she "as crying$ -eally crying$ *ey, # said, concerned$ Whats "rong(

Well, "ell, "ell, look "hos up, boomed a %oice from the door"ay, startling both of us$ # turned my head, and sa" &r *olcombe coming into the room, follo"ed by my parents$ ,oth of them smiled "hen they sa" # "as a"ake$ She $ $ $ she "ants some "ater, 4rida s7ueaked, still looking "ide-eyed as a rat caught in the headlight of a 6umber F train$ # think "e can safely accommodate that re7uest, &r *olcombe said in a cheerful tone$ o and ask the nurses for a pitcher and a glass, "ill you, 4rida( 4rida, looking relie%ed to ha%e an e'cuse to get out of my room, skittered a"ay$ Mean"hile, &r *olcombe found some of the stickers 3 the "ires still attached 3 that #d pulled off$ *e made a tsk-tsking noise$ 6o" no", he said, lifting one and placing it gently back on my forehead$ #m glad youre feeling better, but lets not get ahead of oursel%es$ 0oure still a %ery sick girl$ # dont feel sick, # said$ E'cept for my head$ My head hurts$ ,ut +ust a little$ /hats to be e'pected, the doctor said, still messing "ith my "ires$ 0ou%e got to rest$ # looked at my parents for some sign they disagreed "ith the doctor$ ,ecause he had to be e'aggerating$ Since # felt relati%ely all right$ # mean, if # "as sick, "ouldnt # feel "orse( ,ut Mom and &ad both looked pretty "orried$ 0ou should do "hat &r *olcombe says, honey, Mom said, patting my hand$ *e kno"s "hat hes doing$ /hat "as probably true$ ,ut still$ # dont understand, # said$ Whats "rong "ith me( What happened( /hey%e got you on some pretty hea%y duty medications, &ad said in this "eirdly cheerful tone$ =ind of like he didnt actually feel cheerful, but someone had told him to act that "ay$ 2round me, any"ay$ # dont kno" "hat made me think of that, but once the idea occurred to me, # couldnt shake it$ /hats right, &r *olcombe said, sounding pretty cheerful himself$ 2nd "ith luck, "ell be "eaning you off some of those medications soon$ ,ut not 7uite yet$ So # "as on drugs$ Well, that made sense$ #d been pretty sure # had to be, considering ho" much #d been sleeping $ $ $ not to mention the hallucinations$ ,ut a glance at the "indo"sill told me not all of it had been in my head$ 2lso, the droopy state of the roses told me something else$ *o" long( # asked$ 5ntil "e can start cutting back on your medications( &r *olcombe "as checking the machines ne't to my bed$ Well, thats hard to sayE 6o, # said$ # mean ho" long ha%e # been in the hospital( *o" much school ha%e # missed( 0ou dont need to "orry about that, Em, &ad said, in his fake-cheerful %oice$ We%e talked to all your teachers, and 3 /heyd talked to all my teachers( /heyd been to my school( Oh my od$ Why couldnt this part be a hallucination, and not the part "here .ulu )ollins thought she "as my best friend( *o" long( # repeated, my "eird %oice 3 "hat "as up "ith that any"ay 3 trembling a little$ 6ot long at all, &r *olcombe replied$ 1ust a little o%er a month$ 2 month: # tried to sit up, but of course all that happened "as that the machines on either side of my bed started going nuts 3 especially the heart monitor, because # "as ha%ing a panic attack thinking about all the "ork # "as going to ha%e to make up$ Plus, # felt di!!y$ 2nd not +ust at the prospect of all the home"ork a"aiting me$ #t "as of course at this point that 4rida decided to "alk back into the room, holding a "ater pitcher and glass shed snagged from some"here$ *earing all the commotion, she fro!e in the door"ay, apparently thinking # "as ha%ing some kind of attack$ #s she 3 is she 3 4rida stood there, bug-eyed and stammering$ Shes fine, Mom said emphatically, pressing do"n on my shoulder to keep me from sitting up$ Em, stop it$ 0ou

ha%e a lot more important things to "orry about than school right no"$ Was she kidding( What could be more important than school( #m gonna be held back: # insisted$ #m going to ha%e to repeat ele%enth grade: 6o, you arent, Mom said$ Please, Em$ )alm do"n$ &octor, can you gi%e her somethingE Oh no, # yelled$ 0ou are not putting me to sleep again: # need my laptop: Somebody needs to go home and get my laptop so # can start catching up$ &oes this room ha%e Wi-4i( 6o" no", &r *olcombe said, chuckling a little$ .ets take it one step at a time, young lady$ 4rida, come here "ith that "ater$ 4rida, still looking at me like # "as some creature "hod cra"led from the deep, came for"ard, holding the glass of "ater shed poured "ith a trembling hand$ *-here, she said$ # lifted my hand and took the glass from her 3 noticing again, as # did so, the glamorous long fingernails shed glued o%er my bitten ones$ /hanks 3 and for the manicure too, # added$ # $ $ $ # didnt gi%e you a manicure, 4rida said in a %oice that shook$ -ight, # said$ # took the glass $ $ $ ,ut because # "asnt allo"ed to sit up, it "asnt easy to drink from it$ 2lso, someho" # missed my mouth, so the ice-cold "ater "ent pouring do"n my neck and into my hospital go"n$ Which +ust made me madder than e%er$ What theE 6o" no", &r *olcombe said, mopping up the "orst of it "ith his o"n handkerchief$ See "hat # mean( .ets take things one day at a time, shall "e( *ome"ork can "ait$ Want to try that again( # really "as parched$ # nodded, and this time Mom helped me get the cup to my lips, and the "ater 3 the coolest, most delicious "ater # had e%er tasted 3 made it into my mouth instead of all do"n my go"n$ /here no", &r *olcombe said$ /hats better$ &o you think youll be "anting to tackle some food soon( 1ust the "ord food made my stomach rumble$ # nodded eagerly, and &r *olcombe looked pleased$ 4rida, he said to my sister$ Why dont you run do"n to the cafeteria and get something your sister might like$ What do you feel like eating, Emerson( # kno" "hat shell feel like eating, Mom said, her nose "rinkling a little, the "ay it al"ays does "hen shes about to say something she thinks is funny$ #ce-cream sundae$ -ight, Em( With a chocolate-chip cookie on the side, &ad said, looking a little more like his normal self, and not 4ake )heerful uy$ #s that "hat you "ant $ $ $ Em( 4rida asked$ E'cept, "eirdly $ $ $ it "asnt$ Sure, # said$ ,ecause # couldnt remember a time "hen # hadnt "anted ice cream and a cookie$ 5ntil no"$ Oddly though, that Sure turned out to be the right thing to say$ ,ecause for the first time since #d "oken up and seen her, 4rida smiled$ /entati%ely, but still$ #t "as a smile$ /hen she said, ,e right back, and took off$ Which "as pretty strange in itself$ # mean, "hen "as the last time my little sister had e%er been eager to bring me food $ $ $ in bed( /he fact that 4rida "as so "illing to fetch and carry for me told me "ay more about ho" hurt # must be than my dads fake cheer or my moms teariness$ So "hat happened( # asked "hen 4rida "as safely out of earshot$ Why am # here( Was there an accident( 2 sub"ay accident( Mom fro"ned$ 0ou dont remember( oing to Starks( 2nything( oing to Starks( abriel had mentioned something about Starks, too$ 2 grand opening$ Something about those "ords seemed to tickle my memory, but "hen # tried to remember, it "as like it "as +ust out of my grasp $ $ $ We dont ha%e to talk about that no", &r *olcombe said hastily$ .ets concentrate on getting you better$

# kno", # said$ ,ut # mean $ $ $ #%e been out of school for a month( What, ha%e # been in a coma or something( /he, er, accident didnt cause the coma, Mom said gently$ &r *olcombe placed you in a chemical coma, so that you could heal more comfortably$ *es been bringing you slo"ly out of it o%er the past fe" days, to see ho" you "ere doing$ Well, # said$ What part of me is hurt, e'actly( ,ecause # feel pretty good$ E'cept for my head$ 2nd my %oice$ &o you hear ho" "eird my %oice sounds( My mom and dad looked at &r *olcombe, "ho said to me, Well, Emerson, the truth is, your in+uries "ere, in fact, e'tremely se%ere$ We used a special techni7ue "e%e de%eloped in order to sa%e your life, since the type of in+ury you suffered is, in fact, fatal$ # blinked at him$ ,ut #m ali%e$ ,ecause the procedure "orked, &ad e'plained$ Worked isnt the "ord for it, &r *olcombe enthused, his eyes glittering e'citedly behind his plastic-framed glasses$ 0our reco%ery up until no" has far, far surpassed our e'pectations$ We certainly didnt e'pect you to be speaking, much less for you to possess any sort of motor skills, until many days from no", if not "eeks$ ,ut like "ith any risky medical procedure, no one can be one hundred per cent certain of the outcome$ 2nd youre going to notice that some things 3 like your %oice, for instance, "hich you already mentioned 3 might not seem the same as they did before your accidentE /hats "hy its %ery important that you do "hat the doctors and nurses here tell you, &ad said$ Such as, dont take off your sensors, &r *olcombe said, picking up one hed missed before and attaching it to my temple$ 2nd no home"ork, Mom said$ Shed reco%ered herself and "iped the tears from her eyes$ 6o" she attempted a smile $ $ $ and didnt do a half bad +ob at it$ 5nderstand( 0ou need to concentrate on getting better first$ /hen "ell "orry about "hats going to happen "ith school$ 4ine, # said, glancing from her face to &ads, looking for some clue 3 any clue 3 as to "hat "as really going on$ Why "ere they treating me like # "as in the first grade( )oncentrate on getting better( Who did they think they "ere kidding( Why "asnt anyone le%elling "ith me( ,ut $ $ $ #%e really been in here a month( )an # at least call )hristopher and find out "hats happening in school( *e must be "ondering ho" # am$ #m his only friend, you kno" $ $ $ ,ut no one e'actly rushed to get me a phone$ #nstead e%eryone said # needed to rest, that )hristopher "as fine and that theyd get me my laptop 8my other re7uest9 soon$ 2nd &r *olcombe did call a nurse o%er to unplug some of my more intrusi%e and bothersome "ires 8not all of them, it turned out, "ere attached to a sticker$ Some of them "ere attached to needles that "ent 56&E- my skin$ #t "as 7uite a relief to get rid of those, in addition to the ones that pinged so noisily e%ery time # mo%ed9$ So by the time 4rida got back "ith my ice cream and cookie, e%eryone "as treating me less like a hospital patient and a little more like a normal person$ *ere, 4rida said, putting the ice cream 3 "hich shed slathered "ith hot fudge, "hipped cream and nuts 3 on the bed tray one of the nurses had set up in front of me$ 6e't to the ice cream lay an enormous chocolate-chip cookie 3 the kind # used to eat four or fi%e of a day, if # had the money for them$ 6o" the thought of putting any of that sugary stuff into my mouth actually made me feel a little sick$ Which "as "eird, because normally dessert is my fa%ourite meal of the day$ Still, e%eryone 3 Mom and &ad, 4rida, &r *olcombe, three nurses "ho had "andered into my room and the orderly "ho had been in my hallucination 8because it had definitely been a hallucination$ 6o "ay had .ulu )ollins been in my room $ $ $ "ith 6ikki *o"ards dog, no less9 3 seemed to be holding their breath, "aiting for me to take a taste of the sundae 4rida had brought me$ So # did the only thing # could$ # lifted the spoon and dipped it into the bo"l$ /hen # brought it 3 carefully, remembering "hat had happened "ith the "ater 3 to my lips and took a big bite$ Mmmm, # said$ E%eryone in the room e'haled at the same time$ 2nd smiled$ 2nd laughed$ /he orderly high-fi%ed one of the nurses$ While # took a really fast gulp of "ater$ ,ecause all that sugar( #t tasted totally gross to me$

What "as happening to me( Since "hen did # hate ice cream( What had this doctor done to me( 4ortunately no one noticed$ E%eryone chattered a"ay about ho" great it "as that # "as making so much progress so soon$ Which "as flattering and all, but might ha%e meant more to me if #d kno"n e'actly "hat # "as making progress from$ # mean, "hat "as # supposed to be reco%ering from( What had happened to me( Which part of me "as hurt( 2nd "hat e'actly "as this procedure theyd used on me( &r *olcombe had been right about one thing; # "as beginning to notice that some things "ere different than theyd been before the accident$ 2nd not +ust my not liking ice cream any more$ /hat "as the least of it$ /he "eirdest thing so far "as ho" the people in my o"n family acted around me $ $ $ as if they didnt kno" me$ 2lmost as if 3 and # kno" it sounded cra!y 3 but almost as if # "as someone else$ Se%en

What 3 "hats going on( /hats "hat # asked the doctor and nurse 3 both "earing full surgery go"ns, including masks 3 "ho sho"ed up in "hat seemed to be the middle of the night to shake me a"ake, then transfer me from my bed to a hospital "heeled stretcher$ Shh, said the nurse, pointing at my mom, do!ing in the chair ne't to my bed$ &ont "ake her up$ Shes e'hausted$ ,ut "here are "e going( # asked, stiffly rolling from my bed to the stretcher$ 1ust to do some tests, the doctor "hispered$ #n the middle of the night( # asked groggily )ant they "ait until morning( /hese are %ery important tests, the nurse said$ /hey cant "ait$ O=, # said, sinking do"n against the thin mattress$ 2s usual, # "as so tired$ # "as dimly a"are that they "ere "heeling me do"n a long, empty hospital corridor$ ,ut they could ha%e been rolling me do"n the middle of /imes S7uare and # "ouldnt ha%e kno"n the difference, thats ho" sleepy # "as$ *o" "e doing( the doctor asked "hen he stopped the stretcher to push the button to an ele%ator, "ay do"n at the end of the hall, about a thousand miles, it seemed, from my room$ 4ine, # murmured, at the same time that the nurse pulled her mask do"n to say, .ooks good so far$ /here "as no one e%en sitting at the nurses station$ /he "hole floor is empty$ # think "ere going to make it$ /hats "hen # got my first good look at her$ 2nd # reali!ed she "asnt a nurse at all$ *ey, # said, feeling suddenly "ide a"ake$ # leaned up on my elbo"s$ 2nd, my head didnt feel at all throbby any more$ 0oure 3 /he ele%ator doors chose that moment to slide open$ o: .ulu )ollins yelled at the guy in the surgical mask$ What do you think youre doing( # demanded as the t"o of them rammed my hospital stretcher into the ele%ator$ Were kidnapping you, .ulu e'plained, stabbing the button marked , for basement$ ,ut its all right$ #ts us, 6ik$ Me and ,randon$ Sho" her, ,randon$ 2nd the doctor 3 although # guess thats not "ho he "as after all 3 peeled off his surgical mask and looked do"n at me$ #ts me, 6ik, he said, smiling broadly$ ,randon$ See( E%erythings going to be all right$ We came to rescue you$ -escue 3 # blinked right back at him$ *e "as young, blond and impossibly handsome$ 2nd clearly completely insane$ # think theres been a really big mistake, # said$ Was # hallucinating again( E'cept that # couldnt be$ ,ecause hallucinations "ere ne%er this detailed, "ere they( # could hear each ping of the ele%ator as it "ent do"n$ 2nd # could smell .ulus fruity perfume 8or maybe that "as her gum9$ 2nd # could see that ,randon "as sprouting a pretty serious case of fi%e oclock 3 in this case, fi%e oclock in the morning 3 blond shado" along his +a"$ #t "asnt until "e emerged from the ele%ator into the hospitals underground garage, and my captors "heeled me to"ards a limo 3 yes$ 2 limo$ ,lack stretch 3 that # reali!ed +ust ho" dire the situation really "as$ ,ecause there "asnt e%en anyone around to hear me if # screamed for help$ /he place "as echoingly empty$ /hats "hen .ulu turned to ,randon and said, Shes not going to get in "illingly$ She still has no idea "ho "e are$2nd he ga%e a sigh, turned around and s"iftly yanked me off the stretcher and o%er his shoulder$ 6o", # may ha%e +ust spent a month in a coma or "hate%er$ ,ut # "asnt about to let myself get kidnapped by a celebutante and her 44,4 henchman$ # sucked in my breath and let out a shriek that # s"ear had to ha%e been heard half"ay to 6e" 1ersey 3 3 if thered been anybody around to hear it, that is$ /here "asnt$ ,randon stuffed me, kicking and biting any part of him "ith "hich # came into contact, into the

rear seat of the limo, then settled into the seat opposite mine and sat there looking hurt$ 2nd not +ust physically$ 1esus, 6ikki, he said, as .ulu +umped in beside him and yelled at the chauffeur to go $ $ $ #ts me$ ,randon: 0ou kno" me$ Were going out: 2nd the thing of it "as $ $ $ # kind of did recogni!e him$ Seriously$ 4rom some of 4ridas maga!ines$ #t "as ,randon Stark 3 as in Stark Megastores$ ,randon Stark as in the ,randon Stark, 6ikki *o"ards on-again, offagain album-producing boyfriend$ ,randon Stark as in heir to the Stark family fortune $ $ $ "hich one maga!ine of 4ridas put at a net "orth of like a billion dollars or something$ Which pretty much makes him the richest person #%e e%er met$ ,ut that still didnt mean it "as O= for him to grab me and then stuff me in a limo like that$ Whats "rong "ith you( # demanded of both him and .ulu$ )ant you see #m sick( #m sorry, .ulu said, pulling off her surgical go"n and mask$ # could see that, underneath it, her make-up and skintight black catsuit "ere still perfectly in place$ #ts +ust that "e couldnt think of any other "ay to get you out of there$ # mean, seeing as ho" theyre brain"ashing you$ 6o one is brain"ashing me, # cried$ What are you talking about( # dont e%en kno" you: /his "as the "rong thing to say$ .ulu and ,randon e'changed glances$ See "hat # mean( she asked him under her breath$ ,randon, mean"hile 3 all si'-foot four or fi%e of him 3 gaped do"n at me$ *e "as so good-looking, in a frat-boy "ay 3 sort of like 1ason =lein, Whitneys boyfriend$ *e had a big s7uare +a" and blond hair that hung a little bit into his green eyes $ $ $ but maybe that "as +ust because he "as still partially "earing the surgical mask on top of his head$ 6ikki $ $ $ "hat did they do to you( 0eah, # complained$ /hats the other thing$ Why do you people keep calling me 6ikki( Oh od$ .ulu dropped her head into her hands, "hile ,randon +ust stared at me as if #d asked him "hy carbonbased life forms need to breathe o'ygen$ /he limo dri%er turned his head and asked calmly, ,ack to Ms *o"ards loft, Mr Stark( .ulu lifted her head to say, Oh something familiar $ $ $ od, yes$ She looked o%er at ,randon, slumped beside her$ Maybe if she sees

0eah, to the loft, /om, ,randon said in a de+ected %oice$ 0ou guys cant do this, # said, trying to stay calm$ Which "asnt easy, considering e%erything that "as going on$ # mean, that # had +ust been kidnapped$ #n a hospital go"n, no less$ # didnt e%en ha%e any shoes on$ So it "asnt like # could thro" myself at the car door and bail$ 6ikki, .ulu said in a patient %oice$ Were doing this for you$ ,ecause "e lo%e you$ Whate%er they%e told you $ $ $ its a lie$ 2ll right( Were your friends$ #m more than your friend, ,randon said, coming to sit beside me$ 2 little too close to me, actually$ Why "as he $ $ $ looking at me like that( /he neon lights from the signs on the buildings "e "ere dri%ing past along Second 2%enue flickered across his face, turning it from pink to blue to green and then back again$ #m your boyfriend$ *o" can you not remember me( # had to hand it to him $ $ $ he sounded genuinely upset$ *e "asnt faking it$ *is deep %oice broke on the "ord boyfriend, and e%erything$ #t "as almost mo%ing$ Or at least, it "ould ha%e been, if # hadnt been con%inced the t"o of them "ere completely off their rockers$ #f you guys make this limo turn round, # said, trying to keep my %oice from shaking 8yeah$ ood luck "ith that9, and take me back to the hospital, # promise # "ont press kidnapping charges$ 6o one "ill ha%e to kno"$ 1ust drop me off and #ll ne%er mention it again$ =idnapping( ,randon looked stunned$ We arent kidnapping you: 0es, "e are, actually, .ulu said to him$ Shed dug an energy drink from the limos mini-fridge and "as gulping from it$ # mean, thats "hat this is, really$ Only # prefer the term inter%ention$ *o" can she not kno" "ho "e are( ,randon asked her$ Who she is(

.ulu shook her head$ # told her to stay a"ay from those Scientologists $ $ $ # took a deep breath, still fighting for calm$ # dont kno" "hat the t"o of you are talking about, but # think theres been some kind of misunderstanding$ My name is Emerson Watts$ My parents 3 "ho are going to be %ery upset "hen they find out #m missing from my hospital room, by the "ay 3 are &aniel Watts and =aren -osenthal-Watts$ # dont kno" "hy you guys seem to think #m 6ikki 3 *o"ard, # presume$ ,ecause #m not$ /he t"o of them blinked at me "ith a lack of comprehension that "as, to say the least, absolute$ /heir ga!es "ere as blank as 4ridas al"ays got "hen # "as trying to e'plain the finer points of role-play gaming to her$ ,ut #d ne%er let that stop me before, and # "asnt about to no" either$ 5p until %ery recently, # "ent on, # "as an ele%enth-grader at /ribeca 2lternati%e *igh School$ /hen about a month ago, # "as $ $ $ # dont kno"$ #n an accident of some kind$ #m not real clear about the details, actually$ ,ut "hen # "oke up, # "as in the hospital you +ust kidnapped me from$ Which # "ould like to go back to$ 6o"$ My %oice rose a little hysterically on the "ord no"$ ,ut o%erall # managed to deli%er that speech "ith a reasonable amount of composure$ )ertainly more than # actually felt, considering # "as being held in a limo against my "ill by a couple of teenaged socialites$ 2lso, # noticed no one had offered me an energy drink$ 2nd # "as really thirsty$ My od, "as all ,randon said about my speech$ 2nd he sort of let that slip out like he hadnt "anted it to$ # kno", .ulu said, not taking her completely blank ga!e off me$ #tll be all right "hen "e get her home$ When she sees her stuff shell be fine$ # mean, look at that dress$ 0ou kno" shed ne%er be caught dead in a dress like that if she "as in her right mind$ /hats "hen # reali!ed she "as referring to my hospital go"n$ 2s a dress$ /hats it, # said$ # turned in my seat and spoke directly to /om, the limo dri%er$ Pull o%er and let me out, or youll be +oining these t"o in +ail for unla"ful imprisonment$ /o my surprise, the limo stopped$ ,ut only, it turned out, because "ed reached our destination$ Sorry, Ms *o"ard, the limo dri%er said, sounding like he meant it$ 1ust follo"ing orders$ Why does e%eryone keep calling me that( # practically shrieked$ )alling you "hat, maam( /om "anted to kno"$ Ms *o"ard, # hissed$ 2nd 6ikki$ Well, /om said, looking uncomfortable, maybe because thats your name, maam( # told you people, # said, still addressing the limo dri%er$ My name is Emerson Watts$ #m not 6ikki *o"ard$ 5m, actually, maam, he said, turning the rear-%ie" mirror in my direction, you are$ 2nd # raised my ga!e$ 2nd screamed$ Eight

Well, youd probably ha%e screamed too, if the face you sa" looking back at you from a mirror belonged to someone else$ 6ot +ust someone else, but someone "hose face happened to be plastered on maga!ines and the sides of buses and phone booths all o%er to"n$ Wearing nothing but a bra and a pair of panties$ Seriously$ # looked into the limos rear-%ie" mirror, and # sa" 6ikki *o"ards face staring back at me$ Only "hen # raised my hand to co%er my mouth in horror 3 6ikki raised her hand too$ 2nd "hen # dropped my hand a"ay 3 so did 6ikki$ /hats "hen # started to shake$ 2nd # couldnt stop$ *o" $ $ $ # asked no one in particular$ *o" could this ha%e happened( /hats "hat WE>E been trying to figure out, .ulu said$ 6o" do you see "hy "e had to kidnap you( # mean, stage an inter%ention on you( # lifted trembling fingers to my hair $ $ $ # mean, to 6ikki *o"ards hair$ #t cascaded from the top of my head 8or 6ikkis head9 from a sloppy ponytail, "hich "as ho" # hadnt noticed the long blonde strands around my shoulders; because theyd been +ust out of my sight line$ 2nd there hadnt been any mirrors in my hospital room$ #m $ $ $ #m a model, # "ailed to my reflection$ 2nd no", finally, the reason my %oice sounded so strange made sense$ ,ecause the %oice # "as hearing "asnt my o"n$ #t "as 6ikki *o"ards %oice, breathy, high-pitched and girlie $ $ $ completely unlike my o"n$ -ight, .ulu said slo"ly$ &o you remember me no"( .u-lu$ .ulu )ollins$ 0our room-mate( # mean, loft-mate( # looked at her$ She appeared to be genuinely concerned about me$ # mean, despite the ridiculous Mission; #mpossible black catsuit 3 ob%iously her idea of ho" a kidnapper "ould dress $ $ $ if any kidnapper in her right mind "ould put on black suede thigh-highs "ith fi%e-inch stiletto heels 3 she looked %ulnerable and sort of s"eet, "ith her kohl-rimmed eyes, bird-like bone structure and sparkle lipgloss$ ,ut then # remembered$ #t "asnt ME she "as concerned about$ #t "as 6ikki *o"ard$ Whom # 3 despite "hat the mirror "as telling me 3 most definitely "as 6O/$ )ome on, ,randon said, gently taking my arm$ .ets go up to the loft to talk about this$ 0ou probably "ant to change into your o"n clothes, right( *a%e a little something to eat( #n spite of e%erything 3 the fact that # "as "earing someone elses faceG the fact that ,randon Stark, %oted one of People maga!ines most eligible bachelors, and .ulu )ollins had +ust kidnapped meG the fact that my parents had no idea "here # "as and "ere probably "orried to death about meG the fact that my entire family had apparently been lying to me this "hole time, not to mention keeping me from seeing my reflection 3 # couldnt keep my stomach from gi%ing a massi%e, angry gurgle at the "ord eat$ /he truth "as, "hoe%er # "as $ $ $ # "as star%ing$ E%eryone heard it$ ,randon put a hand on my "rist 3 or should # say 6ikki *o"ards "rist, "hich, no" that # "as looking at it, looked nothing like my o"n "rist, being both bony and de%oid of not only a yello" .i%e strong band but also the fore%er bracelet 4rida had made for me last summer "hen "ed both been camp counsellors 3 and said gently, )ome on inside and "ell get you some food$ 0eah, .ulu said, suddenly seeming to perk up$ /heres some lefto%er blackened sea bass from 6obu$ 0our fa%ourite$ # +ust ha%e to pop it in the micro"a%e$ /he ne't thing # kne", "e "ere crossing a colossal marble lobby 3 .ulu )ollins and 6ikki *o"ard, it turns out, share a loft in a con%erted nineteenth-century police station in So*o, not fi%e blocks from my o"n apartment building 3 and getting into a brass and mahogany ele%ator, "ith a uniformed lift operator, "ho tipped his goldbraid-trimmed hat at me and said, Miss *o"ard$ 6ice to see you$ ,een a"hile$ 0eah, # said 7ueasily$ #t "as a really good thing ,randon Stark "as holding on to my arm, because other"ise # "as pretty sure #d ha%e fallen do"n$ 6ot +ust from hunger, but because # "as so completely freaked out by e%erything that "as going on$ 6ot to mention the fact that # "as "alking around in someone elses body$ ,arefoot$ #n a hospital go"n$ Which the lift operator didnt seem to find at all unusual, if the "ay he thre" open the door "hen "e got to .ulu

and 6ikkis loft and "ent, *a%e a good night, Ms *o"ard, Ms )ollins and Mr Stark, in a totally nice "ay "as any indication$ 2nd then my bare feet sank into deep, impossibly soft "hite carpeting$ 2nd # found myself standing in a gargantuan loft space, "ith a huge marble fireplace 8fire unlit9 at the one end and a high-tech kitchen 3 all black granite and stainless steel 3 at the other, "ith ceilings that to"ered ten feet o%er the top of my head, and "indo"s all along both sides, looking out o%er the rooftops of So*o on one side and the .o"er East Side on the other$ /he o%erall decor theme seemed to be e'pensi%e$ 2nd modern$ 2bo%e the fireplace "as a massi%e flat-panel /> that "as sho"ing a %ideo of the inside of an a7uarium, to make it look like the /> "as really an a7uarium and not a />$ Scattered throughout the place "ere long "hite couches that looked as if theyd s"allo" you "hole if you sat on them$ On the coffee tables in front of the couches "ere maga!ines$ On the co%er of each of the maga!ines "as 6ikki *o"ards face$ Or, should # say, my face$ ,randon steered me to"ards one of the couches and then gently pushed me do"n on to it$ #mmediately # "as engulfed in softness$ Sit right there, 6ik, he said concernedly$ .ulu, you got something for her to eat( )oming right up, .ulu said, pulling open the door to the Sub-Hero refrigerator$ 2nd maybe something hot to drink, ,randon added, looking do"n at me$ Shes shi%ering$ ,randon looked around, then found a cream-coloured blanket that had been tossed do"n at one end of the couch$ *e pick it up, then settled it o%er my shoulders, gently tucking it around me$ #t felt soft as dandelion do"n$ # glanced at the tag attached to one end of it$ One hundred per-cent cashmere$ #t figured$ 2s he arranged the blanket around me, # looked up and happened to meet his ga!e$ *e really "as e'tremely good-looking$ # mean, if you happened to like the totally cut, perfect-looking type, "hich # myself do not$ # prefer the loose-limbed, long-haired, computer-genius type$ 2t least, # al"ays thought # did$ # had to admit, though, that ,randon Starks eyes, in the light from the cra!y modern chandelier o%erhead, looked %ery appealingly green$ *ey, he said to me softly, "hen our ga!es met$ *i$ # had no idea "hat "as about to happen ne't$ /hats because no guy had e%er been that close to me before $ $ $ e'cept )hristopher, of course$ ,ut )hristopher has ne%er thought of me as a girl$ 2nd then there "as also abriel .una$ ,ut that had been a hallucination$ *adnt it( #n any case, ho" "as # supposed to kno" that "hen a guy leans in that close, hes planning on trying something( # +ust assumed # had something on my face that ,randon "as going to brush off$ E'cept that # didnt$ 5nless he "as planning on brushing it off "ith his lips$ Which suddenly landed on mine$ Since the ne't thing # kne", ,randon Stark "as kissing me$ =issing me( #m sorry$ ,randon Stark "as performing mouth-to-mouth resuscitation on me$ Which # found, to my surprise, that # thoroughly en+oyed$ Or at least, 6ikki *o"ards body thoroughly en+oyed it$ *o" else can # e'plain the fact that # "as totally kissing him back( 2nd # had ne%er e%en kissed a guy before$ Still, # could totally see "hy e%eryone "as so cra!y about kissing$ #n the romance no%els that 4rida left lying around the apartment all the time 8and "hich # occasionally picked up "hen # had nothing else to read9, the heroines "ere al"ays going on and on about "hat it felt like "hen the guy they "ere in lo%e "ith kissed them$ /hey talked about their mouths burning like li7uid fire, and their loins being all aflame$ My loins definitely didnt go up in flames "hen ,randon kissed me$ 2nd my lips didnt burn like li7uid fire 8"hate%er that "as9$ ,ut they felt pleasantly toasty$ -eally pleasantly toasty$

2nd # "asnt e%en in lo%e "ith ,randon$ #magine "hat it must feel like to be kissed by someone you actually liked$ #magine "hat it "ould ha%e felt like if, say, )hristopher had kissed me $ $ $ Which "as "hen # reali!ed, ho"e%er much my body 3 or 6ikkis body 3 might ha%e liked "hat "as going on, # totally couldnt let it go on a second longer$ Especially since it seemed like kissing could %ery, %ery easily turn into something else if # didnt put a stop to it, tout de suite$ Mmph, # said, pushing ,randon a"ay so hard our mouths disconnected "ith a sucking sound$ 2nd ,randon ended up losing his balance and almost careened face first into the sofa$ What( he asked, looking hurt as he stumbled back to his feet$ # missed you: #s that so "rong( # guess for a lot of girls, getting kissed by ,randon Stark 3 "ho is, admittedly, a kno"n heart-throb 3 "ould be a total thrill$ 4rida, for instance, undoubtedly "ould ha%e freaked 8in a good "ay9 o%er ,randon kissing her$ Shed e%en ha%e en+oyed being kidnapped by him too, #m sure$ 2nd # "asnt unappreciati%e of the fact that ,randon "as super handsome, and seemed really %ery interested in me$ ,ut that "as the problem$ *e "asnt$ #nterested in me, # mean$ *e "as interested in 6ikki *o"ard$ 2nd # "asnt interested in him$ # $ $ $ #m sorry, # said to him confusedly$ ,ecause # did feel sorry, "hen # sa" his hurt e'pression$ 2nd also "hen # felt the rush of cold air that s"ooped in bet"een "here our "arm mouths had been attached$ 2 part of me "ished # had +ust let him go on kissing me$ ,ecause kissing( /otally not o%errated$ 2t all$ #ts +ust that $ $ $ # dont e%en kno" you$ We%e been going out for t"o years, ,randon cried, looking e%en more hurt$ # mean, on and off$ *o" can you not remember( # pulled the blanket around me more tightly$ # didnt kno" "hat else to do$ Or say$ My mouth felt all "eird from "here his lips had been pressed up against it$ *is stubble had felt all scratchy$ #t kind of hurt$ ,ut like $ $ $ in a good "ay$ /here "as no denying that my lips felt super tingly "here his had touched them$ 2nd # "as sort of starting to detect some fire in my loinage area no"$ Oh my od: 6ikki *o"ard is a total slut: Or maybe # am, and # had +ust ne%er had an opportunity to disco%er it until no": What is "rong "ith me( Why had )hristopher ne%er made a mo%e on me before, the "ay ,randon +ust had( We could ha%e been making out this "hole time, instead of playing of stupid 1ourney7uest: Oh, "ait $ $ $ did # +ust think that( od: Whats happening to me( 4ortunately, .ulu appeared +ust then, holding a pile of clothes$ *ere, she said, depositing "hat looked like +eans, a /-shirt and some frilly underthings on to the couch beside me$ # thought you might "ant to put this stuff on$ # mean, that dress isnt e'actly doing anything for you, you kno"$ 5m, # said$ #ts a hospital go"n, not a dress$ ,ut thanks$ # picked up the pile of clothes, then hesitated, looking around the loft$ .ulu hea%ed a sigh$ # cant belie%e you dont remember$ 0our rooms do"n there, she said, pointing to"ards a door off to one side of the kitchen$ /he foodll probably be ready "hen youre done$ # thanked her and got up, a little unsteadily, still clutching the blanket around me$ # didnt look at ,randon as # made my "ay do"n the length of the loft$ 4or one thing, "alking in my ne" body "as $ $ $ "ell, "eird$ 4or another, # could feel his ga!e boring into my back the "hole time$ # couldnt e'actly blame him$ #f his lips felt anything like mine did, it "as really hard not to go running right back o%er there and smack them right back on to his$ *o" do couples not +ust go around kissing all the time( =issing is fantastic$ Oh my od$ #%e kno"n #m a model for fi%e minutes, and this is ho" my thought process erodes( #%e got to get a

hold of myself$ # opened the door to 6ikki *o"ards bedroom, relie%ed to be out of ,randons sight line 3 and "as hit in the face by the o%er"helming fragrance of roses$ # soon sa" "hy$ /he basket of red roses .ulu had told me had been deli%ered to the loft 3 the ones from abriel .una 3 sat on top of 6ikki *o"ards %anity table$ Only the basket "as actually a "ooden crate $ $ $ a "ooden crate filled to the brim "ith roses$ 1ee!$ abriel didnt mess around, did he( 6ikkis bedroom, # sa", "as a lot like her li%ing room $ $ $ all "hite, "ith a thick furry carpet and a %ast, softlooking bed$ #n fact, the only colour in the room came from abriels roses$ /he floor-to-ceiling "indo"s "ere co%ered "ith "hite satin curtains$ 2 huge mirror 3 half hidden by abriels crate of roses 3 hung o%er the "hite %anity table in one corner$ #n the mirror, # could see my reflection 3 a pale, skinny blonde girl in a hospital go"n, "earing a terrified e'pression and clutching a pile of clothes to her chest, and a cashmere blanket around her shoulders$ -ight$ 2 pale, skinny blonde girl "ho, if 4ridas )osmo #-.: "as right, earned something like t"enty grand a day$ 5nlike in my o"n room, back home, 6ikki hadnt decorated her "alls "ith postcards of paintings or posters of mo%ies she liked$ 6or "ere there piles of science-fiction and fantasy books and +ournals and mangas lying around, threatening to topple o%er at any moment$ #n fact, there "asnt e%en so much as a photo on her nightstand$ 2lthough 6ikki did o"n a computer 3 a Stark-brand laptop 8in a hideous shade of pink9 "hich sat on the %anity table near her bed 3 she didnt appear to o"n much of anything else, really, e'cept a Stark-brand flatscreen tele%ision, "hich "as affi'ed to the "all across from her bed$ 2nd make-up$ 2t least, thats all # found in e%ery dra"er # pulled open, looking for $ $ $ # dont e%en kno" "hat$ ,ut all # found( Mascara$ 2nd lipgloss$ 2 .O/ of lip-gloss$ Which # supposed she needed, considering all the kissing she "as apparently doing$ She probably had to reapply a lot$ 2nd, "hen # opened another door, # sa" that "hile 6ikki didnt appear to o"n any books, she did o"n a lot of clothes$ /here "as a "hole "alk-in closet full of them 3 "hat looked like thousands of shirts, blouses, +ackets, +eans, trousers, dresses and skirts of e%ery description and colour, each item hanging neatly on a "ooden hanger$ Some of them "ere so ne" they still had price tags on them$ # found more than one pair of IJCC +eans, and a pretty plain-looking dress "ith a tag that said IK,CCC 8"hich had to be a mistake9$ ,eneath and abo%e the hanging clothes "ere shel%es containing literally hundreds of purses, bags, totes and shoes of e%ery type imaginable $ $ $ boots, sneakers, flats, heels, sandals, pumps, e%en, for some reason, "ooden clogs, like the &utch ,oy "ears$ 4rida, # kne", "ould ha%e felt as if shed died and gone to hea%en if shed "alked into 6ikki *o"ards closet$ 2ll # felt, ho"e%er, "as confused$ What kind of teenaged girl could afford IJCC +eans( Who e%en needed IJCC +eans( 2nd "ho kept her stuff so $ $ $ neat( #t "as kind of freaky in a "ay$ # didnt like being in that closet$ 6ot one bit$ # hurried out of it and tried the other door $ $ $ and found myself in 6ikki *o"ards bathroom$ 5nlike the rest of the loft, this room "asnt "hite$ /he "alls "ere made of a taupe-coloured marble 3 the ones that "erent mirrored, that is$ /here "as a "alk-in sho"er and a separate 1acu!!i tub$ /he mirror abo%e the double sinks "as surrounded by lights, dressing-room style$ /he reflection # sa" blinking back at me in that mirror looked scared$ # put do"n the pile of clothes .ulu had gi%en me and reached up to undo the ponytail someone had put my 8or, more accurately, 6ikki *o"ards9 hair into$ #t came tumbling do"n my shoulders, looking as unlike my o"n hair as any hair e%er could$ #nstead of being stick straight and bro"n, 6ikki *o"ards hair "as silky and golden and hung in perfectly curled "a%es $ $ $ e%en though it clearly hadnt been brushed 3 or "ashed 3 in a "hile$ 2nd "hen # reached behind me to undo the hospital go"n, and it fell a"ay to land in a puddle at my 8# mean, 6ikki *o"ards9 feet, # sa" a body as unlike my o"n as the hair "as$ #t "as the same absolutely perfect 3 by the Walking &eads standards 3 body #d seen in countless >ictorias Secret ads featuring 6ikki *o"ard$ /here "ere no surprises there$ 6one at all$ E'cept the main one 3 that suddenly, that perfect body appeared to be my o"n$

# looked a"ay from the mirror and hurried into the clothes .ulu had gi%en me 3 a pair of frilly pink knickers and an e7ually frilly bra first$ /hen +eans, "hich slid on to fit like a second skin, and the /-shirt 3 "hich, disappointingly, bore the "ords ,aby Soft across the front, in pink curlicue "riting 3 "hich did little to hide "hat the under-"ire bra "as emphasi!ing$ /his "as certainly unlike the shirts stocked in my o"n closet back home, "hich #d selected based on their ability to *#&E "hat 6ikki *o"ard apparently appeared to prefer to flaunt$ *urrying from the bathroom and into the closet to grab a pair of Skechers, the lo"est-heeled shoes # could find, # thre" them on$ /hen, gi%ing a last look at this room that supposedly belonged to me 3 but that, in a million years, #d ne%er ha%e been able to keep that clean 3 # staggered back to the bedroom door, thre" it open $ $ $ 2nd "as attacked all o%er again$ 6ine

#t "as O= though$ ,ecause this time, instead of a couple of 44,4s in surgical masks, my assailant "as nine inches high and only "eighed a half do!en pounds$ /he minute she sa" me come out of 6ikki *o"ards bedroom, she careened straight at me, like a fu!!y "hite bullet "ith a pink lolling tongue$ Sorry, .ulu called from the kitchen as she sa" me scoop up the e'cited little dog$ # had her locked up in my room and # forgot to let her out until +ust no"$ od, look ho" glad she is to see you: E%en if you cant remember us, you ha%e to remember )osabella$ # mean, you named her after your fa%ourite line of lingerie: E'cept, of course, that # dont ha%e a fa%ourite line of lingerie$ E'cept maybe *anes$ Still, e%en if # didnt kno" )osabella, )osabella kne" me$ 2s soon as # sat do"n again on the comfy "hite sofa #d %acated a fe" minutes earlier, )osabella leaped up and, tiny stump of a tail "agging, promptly stood on her hind legs to gi%e my face a thorough licking$ 2nd # didnt mind$ # really didnt$ ,ecause after the shock #d had, a face-licking actually felt pretty good$ O=, ,randon said, lo"ering himself on to the couch opposite mine and studying me "ith a "orried e'pression on his face$ ,ut not, # soon reali!ed, because he "as trying to figure out ho" to get me to kiss him again$ 5nfortunately$ #ts time to stop messing around$ Who did this to you, 6ikki( 2nd be honest$ Was it 2l-<aeda( ,randon: .ulu shrieked from the kitchen$ Well, ,randon shook his head, if they "ant to strike a blo" against freedom, "hy not go after the 4ace of Stark, one of 2mericas most belo%ed models( 2l-<aeda doesnt kno" ho" to gi%e people 2M6ES#2, .ulu declared from behind the black granite-topped island$ Only the Scientologists ha%e the technology to do that$ ,randon looked at me gra%ely$ Was it the Scientologists, 6ikki( he asked$ O=, # said$ #d reached up to rub my temples 3 # mean, 6ikki *o"ards temples$ ,ut apparently, they "ere mine no"$ We need to get one thing straight right no"$ # kno" # look like 6ikki *o"ard$ 2nd # kno" # sound like 6ikki *o"ard$ # reali!e that right no", # am in 6ikki *o"ards loft and "earing her clothes, "hile her dog is licking my face$ ,ut # am not 6ikki *o"ard$ O=( O=, ,randon said$ E'cept $ $ $ you are$ #m not, # insisted$ .ook, # dont kno" "hats going on any more than you t"o seem to$ ,ut seriously, #m not 6ikki$ ,ut ho" is that e%en possible( .ulu "anted to kno"$ She came around the kitchen island $ $ $ and # noticed "hat she "as carrying 3 food$ .ots of food$ 2nd that the smell coming from the food "as sublime$ Which didnt make any sense, because "hen # sa" "hat the food "as 3 after shed put it do"n on the "hite marble-topped coffee table in front of me 3 # could see it "asnt anything #d e%er get e'cited o%er $ $ $ in the past any"ay$ 1ust the promised blackened sea bass 3 "hich, being fish, # shouldnt like$ 2 bo"l of soup 3 it looked like "armed-up lefto%er miso, +udging by the bits of tofu and sea"eed floating in it, and "hich, again, yuck$ # completely hate tofu, let alone sea"eed$ 2ll this "as accompanied by a cup of green tea$ # totally hate green tea$ ,ut apparently 6ikki *o"ard doesnt, because the ne't thing # kne", # "as gulping that tea do"n$ 2nd a second after that, #d started in on the sea bass and the miso soup$ 2nd all of it "as the most delicious food # can e%er remember eating$ &ont think .ulu and ,randon didnt notice, either$ /hey looked at ho" # "as stuffing my face, and .ulu "ent, almost admiringly, /he blackened sea bass from 6obu al"ays "as your fa%ourite$ /hat "as enough to make me put my fork do"n$ 2lthough of course the truth "as that by then the fish "as all gone any"ay$ 2nd #d put a pretty good dent in the soup too$ 0ou guys, # said$ )ome on$ Ob%iously #m not 6ikki *o"ard$ # mean, # didnt e%en kno" "ho you t"o "ere at first$ #%e seen you in maga!ines and all, but $ $ $ # dont kno" anything about you$ ,randon looked sadly at .ulu$ She pushed me a"ay "hen # kissed her$ .ulu thre" me a shocked look$ 6ikki: Way to be a bitch:

# felt myself blushing to my hairline$ #f only they kne" the truth, that pushing him a"ay "as the last thing #d "anted to do $ $ $ ,ut thats "hat #m trying to tell you: # cried$ #m not 6ikki *o"ard: #m Emerson Watts 3 honest, # really am$ # kno", 6ikki, .ulu said, laying a sympathetic hand on my arm$ /hats "hy "ere staging this inter%ention$ /o help you remember "ho you really are 3 "hich isnt this Emerson Watts person$ .ook 3 she bent o%er and pulled a black portfolio out from beneath the couch 3 # ha%e your book$ # kno" this "ill spark some memories$ She turned it to the first page, "here there "as a tearsheet from a maga!ine ad featuring 6ikki *o"ard in a poofy prom dress +umping into the air from a trampoline$ /his is from your first e%er shoot for Stark Enterprises, "hen you "ere +ust starting out$ -emember( /his "as before "e met, "hen -ebecca first brought you to 6e" 0ork$ 0ou remember -ebecca, right( 0our agent( When # looked at her blankly, she prodded, 0ou must remember getting signed by 4ord$ /hey said you "ere the most professional fifteen-year-old theyd e%er represented$ /hey said you "ere "ay more mature than most of their t"enty-year-old models$ 5h, # said$ # told you$ #m not 6ikki$ #m Emerson WattsE Emerson Watts$ ,randons eyebro"s "ere knitted$ *e "as concentrating $ $ $ "hich you could tell for him "asnt all that easy$ Emerson Watts$ Why does that name sound so familiar to me( Shh, .ulu said to him$ &ont confuse her$ She turned a page in the portfolio$ .ook, 6ikki$ .ook at this$ /his is from your first run"ay sho" "ith )hanel$ -emember, # "as sitting in the front ro"( 2nd at the party after"ards # asked you if those lace-up gladiator stilettos hurt, and you said they hurt like a moE Emerson Watts, ,randon said again$ 6o" his e'pression suggested that he "as in pain$ ,ut only from concentrating so hard$ Seriously #%e heard that name before $ $ $ #gnore him, .ulu said to me, and turned the page$ *es +ust tired$ *e "as up all night last night dancing at )a%e$ Oh, look: *eres your first >ictorias Secret spread: # stared do"n at the pictures, holding )osabella close 8she didnt seem at all inclined to lea%e my lap$ E%er$ Which # didnt mind$ # liked the "ay her fluttering little heartbeat felt against my thighs$ Or, er, 6ikki *o"ards thighs$ /here "as something comforting about this little creature that seemed to absolutely adore me$ Who cared if "ho she really adored "as 6ikki *o"ard(9$ .ooking at the pictures, # recogni!ed the body #d +ust seen in the bathroom mirror a little "hile ago$ #n the airbrushed ad for lingerie, that body looked e%en more perfect than it had in the mirror$ #t seemed "eird to me that, if .ulu )ollins "as really trying to +og my memory, shed sho" me 6ikki *o"ards portfolio, and not a family album$ ,ut of course, gi%en the conte't 3 that # "as apparently a normal ele%enth-grader trapped in the body of one of the "orlds most famous supermodels 3 maybe it "asnt that "eird after all$ Maybe, under the circumstances, hoping to make me remember "ho # really "as by sho"ing me pictures of myself in a diamond-encrusted bra "asnt the "orst strategy$ Oh, .ulu said, turning the page$ *eres your first print ad for your ne" clothing line: See ho" pretty you look there( 0our eyes are the same colour as those sapphires $ $ $ /hats not e%en photoshopped, you kno"$ 0our eyes really are that colourE # kno": ,randon cried suddenly, startling us both 3 and )osabella, "ho lifted her little head from my knee and cocked it at him in7uisiti%ely$ Emerson Watts: /hat "as the girl "ho got hit by the plasma screen at the grand opening of my dads ne" store in So*o$ # blinked$ /he "ords plasma and screen triggered something deep "ithin the recesses of my mind$ &imly 3 like a dream #d had long ago 3 the memory of the day )hristopher and # had taken 4rida to the grand opening of the Stark Megastore came back to me $ $ $ +ust a trickle at first $ $ $ then a flood$ 0es: # cried, clapping my hands and startling )osabella a little$ 0es: /hat "as me: #m Emerson Watts: # "as there that day: So "as #: .ulu s7ueaked, her dark eyes "idening$ Oh my no"( 0ou fainted: od: /hat "as so horrible: 6ikki, do you remember

#m not 6ikki, # reminded her$ #m Emerson Watts$ #m the one "ho got hit by the plasma screen$ 2nd, 6ikki, you like totally passed out, .ulu said, ignoring me$ 2nd that abriel .una guy ran o%er and he

totally like cradled you in his arms, but he couldnt "ake you up$ 6o one could$ 2nd the paramedics came and $ $ $ .ulu s"ung her head around to stare at me accusingly$ 2nd thats the last time # sa" you: =elly said youd been diagnosed "ith hypoglycaemia, and "ere taking some time off to try to get it under control$ ,ut # kne" that "asnt true$ # mean, for one thing, youd ne%er said anything to me about ha%ing hypoglycaemia$ 2cid reflu', maybe$ ,ut not hypoglycaemia$ 2nd also because no "ay "ould you take time off "ithout telling me "here you "ere going$ 2nd no "ay "ould you lea%e )osy behind$ # looked do"n at the little dog on my lap$ 6o$ /here "as no "ay anyone "ould lea%e )osy behind$ 6ot if shed had a choice$ 2nd no "ay "ould you not call me, ,randon added$ 2nd "hen # glanced at him, # sa" that he "as looking at me in a "ay that $ $ $ "ell, no guy had e%er looked at me before$ E'cept possibly for abriel .una, that night in the hospital$ Only-# reali!ed "ith a sudden pang of disappointment 3 it hadnt been ME at all$ abriel had been looking at like that

#t had been 6ikki *o"ard$ 6ikki *o"ard, "hom hed supposedly cradled in his arms after shed passed out at the Stark Megastore grand opening, then later %isited in her hospital room$ Of course: *o" could # ha%e been so stupid( *o" could # e%er ha%e thought flo"ers( /hose flo"ers hadnt been for me$ /heyd been for 6ikki *o"ard$ od$ *o" nai%e could a person be( What guy "ould e%er look at a girl like me 3 a normal girl 3 "hen a girl like 6ikki *o"ard "as around( E%en )hristopher hadnt been able to take his eyes off her the "hole time shed been "ithin sight range, back at the Stark Megastore$ 2nd )hristopher isnt the type to fall for a pretty face$ # mean, )hristopher has al"ays laughed at Whitney and the other Walking &ead at /2*S$ ,ut # remembered no", the "ay his ga!e had been glued to 6ikki *o"ards chest that day$ /hat chest "as mine no" $ $ $ at least for the foreseeable future$ What did that mean( # mean, as far as my relationship "ith )hristopher "ent( /he thought made my ne" chest feel a little tight$ /hen # remembered something; )hristopher had said # looked fine at the Stark Megastore grand opening$ ,ut that "as back "hen #d still been me, Em Watts$ Would he still think # looked fine as 6ikki *o"ard( Someho", # sort of doubted it$ So # started looking for you, .ulu "ent on$ 4irst # checked all the usual places you might go to get a"ay from it all 3 ,ali, Musti7ue, Eleuthera 3 but there "as no record of you there under any of the fake names you usually use to registerE 2nd thats "hen she asked for my help, ,randon said$ 2nd so # talked to my dad$ ,ecause, you kno", if anyone "as going to kno" "here you "ere, itd be my dad$ ,ut he "as all freaky about itE -ight, .ulu said, looking indignant$ *e told ,randon you "ere all right, but that you "ere "orking through some things$ Which, you kno", # kne" right a"ay "as total ,$ S$ ,ecause no "ay youd "ork through anything "ithout asking for my help$ # al"ays help you "ork through things$ .ike that time *enry put the cafe-au-lait lo"lights in your hair, remember( So then # thought maybe theyd stuck you in a Promises some"here 3 +ust for a rest, you kno", because # kno" youd ne%er be there for drugs, because # kno" youd ne%er mess up your body by doing them, and so that the press couldnt find youE 3 but you "erent registered at any of them, so finally # snuck into my dads office, ,randon said, and # looked through his stuff and # found your file and # sa" that you "ere right here in the city, at Manhattan eneral on Si'teenth StreetE 0ou "ere literally +ust do"n the street: .ulu cried$ /he "hole time: So # "ent to scout it out, .ulu e'plained$ ,ecause ,randonE ,randon looked sheepish$ # thought you might not be so happy to see me$ 2bout the Mischa thing, # mean$ ,ut honest, 6ik, # thought you "ere mad at me, and thats "hy you hadnt called$ 2nd the thing "ith Mischa, # mean, "hate%er, she +ust "ont stop calling me, she "ants to cut an album, and you kno" #m producing no"E abriel .una "ould bring me

,ut then "hen you didnt remember me, .ulu "ent on, after flashing him a glance filled "ith annoyance, thats "hen # kne"$ /hat theyd gotten to you$ #t "as hard to take in, this not-%ery-lucid e'planation of "hat had gone on, from their point of %ie", from the last time # remembered being myself 3 the day of the Stark Megastore grand opening 3 until no"$ ,ut one thing "as apparent$ Something %ery, %ery "eird had taken place that day$ Wait: .ulu cried$ # figured it out$ ,oth ,randon and # looked at her$ 4igured out "hat( # asked$ *o" come you look like 6ikki, .ulu e'plained, but you think youre this Emerson Watts person$ ob%ious: 0ou%e had a spirit transfer: she cried$ .ike in that mo%ie 4reaky 4riday: od, its so

6o" it "as my turn to blink$ 5h, .ulu, # said$ Seriously$ #t is a crime that girls like my sister "orship people like .ulu$ 0eah, shes good looking, and shes rich$ 2nd maybe 3 +ust maybe 3 she means "ell$ ,ut shes got the brains of a clam$ /heres no such thing as a spirit transfer, # informed her$ Of course there is: .ulu cried e'citedly$ Why ha%e there been all those mo%ies about it if there isnt( .ulu, # said$ *o" "as # going to sum up 7uantum physics 3 let alone biology 3 for this girl "ho so clearly had dropped out of school after appro'imately the eighth grade, if not earlier( What youre describing $ $ $ that doesnt happen$ O=( ,ut "hat other e'planation is there( .ulu asked me, her bro"n eyes "ide and innocent$ Ob%iously, "hen that girl "as hit by the plasma screen, and you 3 # mean, 6ikki 3 fainted, you t"o s"apped spirits$ 2ll "e ha%e to do no" is find this Emerson Watts person 3 "ho has 6ikkis spirit trapped inside her 3 and you t"o can s"ap back and be normal again$ ,randon "as fro"ning$ E'ceptE 6o e'cept, .ulu said stubbornly$ /hats ho" it "orks$ # mean, maybe, since you t"o both passed out at the same time and thats ho" your spirits got s"apped, "ell ha%e to hit you both o%er the head to make it happen again$ ,ut "ell be careful not to do any permanent damage$ 2lso not to bruise you, because you ha%e the spring sho"s in Milan coming upE We cant, ,randon said, before # could interrupt$ What do you mean, "e cant( .ulu demanded$ Of course "e can$ Why do you al"ays ha%e to be so negati%e, ,randon( #ts because you spend too much time "ith Mischa, and shes still bummed out about her last pilot not getting picked upE 6o, ,randon said$ #m not being negati%e$ # mean you cant do the spirit transfer thing$ Why( .ulu snapped, looking angry$ Only, because she "as so tiny and pretty, it "as kind of hard to take her anger seriously #t "as like seeing a chihuahua gro"ling$ #f "e need a spirit guide or "hate%er, # can totally ask 0oshi from my yoga class$ *es "ay spiritual$ #ts not that, ,randon said$ *e looked super uncomfortable$ #ts +ust that $ $ $ "hen # "as going through my dads files, looking for information about 6ikki, # sa" something$ Something about that Emerson Watts girl$ # leaned for"ard in my seat 3 e%en though it "asnt easy, since the couch "as so soft it kind of en%eloped you$ What about me( # asked$ Well, ,randon said hesitantly$ #ts +ust that, according to this report my dad had, "hen that /> fell on Emerson Watts, she 3 # mean, you 3 died$ /en

6o, # said, horrified, shaking my head$ /hats not possible$ ,randon looked like he felt sorry for me$ #m +ust telling you "hat # read, he said$ &ad seemed pretty upset by the "hole thing$ # mean, e%en though those E people did itE Egg( 0ou must mean E.4, # corrected him$ Whate%er, ,randon said$ #t "as still his fault$ &ads, # mean$ *e should ha%e had better security$ *e should ha%e made sure those plasma screens "ere better secured to the ceiling, .ulu said gra%ely$ Well, ,randon said, looking uncomfortable$ #t "as secured$ Secure enough that it "ouldnt ha%e fallen do"n if someone hadnt shot it "ith a paintballE # dont belie%e you, # said, cutting him off$ *e shook his head$ #m sorry, he said, but its true$ #f anyones to blame, its those elf peopleE 6ot about the plasma screen, # said, getting up from the couch $ $ $ but still clutching )osy to me$ 2bout me$ ,eing dead$ # cant be dead$ Oh, belie%e me, ,randon said$ Emerson Watts( Shes dead$ #t "as in the paper and on )66 and e%erything$ # e%en sa" the obituary$ #t "as in the file in my dads office "ith the rest of the stuff$ #t felt as if something mo%ed o%er me$ 6othing too massi%e$ 1ust a steamroller$ .ulu, "hod been biting her lo"er lip, released it and said, #m sorry, 6ik$ ,ut # think ,randons right$ # sa" the "ay that thing landed on the girl, and she $ $ $ "ell, # dont see ho" anyone could ha%e sur%i%ed that$ #t s7uashed her$ .ike a bug$ #f #m dead, # demanded "hen the steamroller finally mo%ed off me and # "as able to speak, and also pace the length of the loft, "hich # promptly began to do, ho" can # be here( *o" can # be talking to you( *o" can # +ust ha%e eaten that blackened sea bass( ,ecause, .ulu said patiently$ # already told you$ 0ou had a spirit transferE Oh my od: # yelled$ 4or the last time: /heres no such thing as a spirit transfer: od, O=, .ulu said, blinking rapidly$ 0ou dont ha%e to yell$ /heres got to be some other e'planation, # said, still pacing$ # mean, if Emerson Watts is dead, and #m 6ikki *o"ard, "hy are Emerson Wattss parents the ones "ho%e been at my bedside all along in the hospital( Why ha%ent 6ikkis parents been there( Well, because 6ikki doesnt ha%e any parents, .ulu said matter-of-factly$ # mean, she became an emancipated minor the minute she landed her first modelling contract$ # 7uit pacing and stared at her$ What are you talking about( 6ikki ne%er got along "ith her parents, .ulu said$ 0ou kno" you ne%er 3 # mean, she ne%er 3 talked about them much$ /ry at all, ,randon said drily$ -ight, .ulu said$ 6ikki didnt ha%e any family$ # mean, none that she spoke to$ Or about$ # think 3 .ulu dropped her %oice to a "hisper 3 # think 6ikkis parents "ere poor$ .ike trailer-park poor$ Why are you "hispering( # asked her$ Well, .ulu shrugged, # dont kno"$ # mean $ $ $ # guess because $ $ $ Well, its not %ery classy to talk about money$ 2nd 6ikki ne%er mentioned her family, or "here she gre" up, or anything that happened before she came to 6e" 0ork and made it big$ 4ine, # said, beginning to pace again$ /hat still doesnt e'plain "hat my parents are doing in 6ikki *o"ards hospital room$ ,ecause they kno" thats "here your spirit is, .ulu e'plained patiently$ Maybe her body is dead, ,randon$ ,ut her spirit is still ali%e$ Which, of course, leads us to the real 7uestion; "here is 6ikki *o"ards spirit( #s it +ust

floating around out there( #f so, "e need to capture it: What "e need to do, ,randon said, completely ignoring .ulu, is call =elly and tell her "e ha%e 6ikki here in the loft$ ,ut that 6ikki doesnt kno" shes 6ikki$ /hen "e need to ask =elly "here the -E2. 6ikki is$ 6ikkis spirit, # mean$ # looked back and forth bet"een the t"o of them$ 2nd "ondered if # could possibly ha%e been kidnapped by t"o stupider people$ &o you think =elly did this( .ulu asked$ #%e al"ays thought there "as something "rong "ith her$ # mean, "hat kind of publicist is she, "hen she cant e%en get 6ikki on the co%er of the Sports #llustrated s"imsuit issue, right( She keeps saying theres plenty of time and that 6ikki shouldnt "orry$ ,ut "hat kind of lame ans"er is that( #ll bet you anything =elly is behind this "hole spirit-transfer thing $ $ $ Only # didnt hear ho" ,randon replied$ ,ecause # had reached up to scratch my head and felt something$ Something that "asnt +ust hair and smooth scalp$ # stopped pacing and stood there in front of one of 6ikki *o"ards floor-to-ceiling "indo"s, staring unseeingly at my o"n reflection 3 or 6ikki *o"ards reflection 3 and the bright lights of do"nto"n Manhattan beyond it as # felt along my head$ Something "asnt right$ Something $ $ $ 2nd there it "as$ 2ll along the base of my 3 or 6ikkis 3 skull$ 2 puckered line of skin, hidden by long blonde hair$ #t didnt hurt, but it "as still tender$ Something horrible had happened there$ Something that had left a hideous raised scar, about half an inch "ide and fi%e or si' inches long$ /he thing is, # kne" "hat it "as$ # kne" e'actly "hat it "as, from all the plastic-surgery sho"s )hristopher and # liked to "atch on the &isco%ery *ealth )hannel$ Someone had made an incision at the back of 6ikkis neck, then peeled her skin back, hair and all, until the gleaming "hite bones of her skull had been re%ealed$ Only "hy( Why "ould someone ha%e done something like that( 5nless $ $ $ 2nd then # remembered something that made my blood 3 6ikkis blood 3 run cold$ 2 rainy Sunday afternoon at the apartment )hristopher shared "ith the )ommander, a bag of &oritos "ed smuggled in from ristedes, and a surgery sho"; ,-2#6 /-26SP.26/S; /*E S5- E-0 O4 /*E 45/5-E #S *E-E 6OW$ 6o$ 6o "ay$ What had they said in that documentary( #t "as all coming back 3 brain transplants, sounding like the stuff of science fiction$ ,ut scientists in Europe had pro%ed it "as possible to transplant the brain as a separate organ into an intact animal, and maintain it in a %iable, or li%ing, situation for many days$ S"eet, )hristopher had said$ # "ant one$ /he documentary had gone on to assert that it "as only ethical considerations that "ere keeping the technology from mo%ing for"ard$ ,ioethicists argued that it "as immoral to har%est a brain-dead body for the use of a li%ing brain$ #mmoral my ass, )hristopher had said$ /hey can transplant my brain into the *ulks body any time they "ant$ )hristopher had been disappointed to learn that the technology for "hole-body transplants 3 the correct term for brain transplants 3 in humans "as far off$ ,ut, as he pointed out, a generation ago, human cloning seemed an impossibility as "ell$ So ho" long "ould it be until "hole-body transplants "ere as routine as heart transplants( Was that it( Was # the first e%er recipient of a "hole-body transplant( *ad that plasma screen crushed my body, but spared my brain( *ad &r *olcombe then remo%ed my brain and transplanted it into the nearest con%enient brain-dead body on hand $ $ $ the body of 6ikki *o"ard, "hod apparently suffered from some kind of collapse at or around the same time as my accident( 6o$ 6o, that "as ridiculous$ 4irst of all, it "asnt e%en possible$ *adnt the documentary said scientists "ere still years from being able to perform this type of surgery in humans( 2nd second of all $ $ $ "hy "ould anyone use that kind of technology 3 if indeed it did e'ist 3 to sa%e me(

Suddenly some things that had only confused me before no" "ere beginning to make sense though$ 4ridas "eird reaction to me 3 asking me if # "as really me$ Of course she "asnt sure if # "as me $ $ $ because # "as 6ikki *o"ard on the outside, not the sister she kne" and 8allegedly9 lo%ed$ 2nd "hat about &r *olcombes insistence that # not mo%e or sit up( /his "ould make sense in a post-operati%e brain-surgery patient$ 2nd his assertion that #d made more progress than they could ha%e hoped for( /heyd transplanted my ,-2#6 into someone elses body, and # "as already speaking lucidly and 8some"hat9 in control of my motor functions 8although, of course, my surgery had been o%er a month ago9$ 2nd "hat about the fact that # "as the only patient # had seen on the entire floor as .ulu and ,randon had been "heeling me out( Ob%iously they "anted to keep the "hole thing top secret$ Why( ,ecause of "hat the documentary had mentioned, about the ethical contro%ersy o%er such a procedure( 2nd "hat about the fact that suddenly # liked fish( Or the fact that #, Emerson Watts, "as looking out of 6ikki *o"ards sapphire blue eyes, instead of my o"n muddy bro"n ones( My od$ #t all made sense$ # hadnt had a spirit transfer, as .ulu )ollins kept insisting$ &r *olcombe had sa"ed open 6ikki *o"ards cranium, remo%ed her brain and slid mine in "here hers had been, carefully attaching all the appropriate ner%es and arteries and %eins, before fusing her skull and finally stitching her skin and hair back into place$ /he reali!ation caused my knees to buckle$ 6e't thing # kne" # "as spra"led out on the "hite carpet, looking up at .ulu and ,randons an'ious e'pressions $ $ $ and being licked in the face by 6ikki *o"ards dog$ 6ikki( .ulu "as crying$ 6ikki, can you hear me( Oh, ,randon, this is all our fault$ Maybe "e shouldnt ha%e taken her from the hospital$ Maybe she really is sick: 6ikki( ,randon "as gi%ing my face little smacks$ 6ikki: O", # said irritably$ Stop hitting me$ Oh$ ,randon lo"ered his hand$ 0ou scared us$ 2re you all right( #m fine, # said$ *elp me o%er to the couch$ ,randon pulled me up, and then chi%alrously carried me o%er to the couch$ Once # "as settled on to it, )osabella came running o%er to +ump in my lap and ga%e me a fe" more restorati%e kisses$ What happened to you( .ulu "anted to kno"$ Was it hypoglycaemia( &o you ha%e lo" blood sugar( &o you "ant some /a, energy drink or something( ,randon, go pour her a /a,$ 6o, # said "eakly, refraining from pointing out to her that /a, is sugar free, not really useful for hypoglycaemics$ #m fine$ -eally$ .ulu shook her head$ &o it any"ay, ,randon$ 6ikki 3 Em 3 "hate%er your name is$ #m sorry$ #m so, so sorry$ We ne%er should ha%e $ $ $ "e "ere only trying to help$ What can "e do( What can "e do to make it up to you( 6othing, # said tiredly$ ,ecause thats all # felt$ 6ot outrage o%er "hat had been done to me$ 6ot anger$ 6ot e%en "onder$ /heyd done it$ /hey had done it$ # "as the "orlds first brain transplant $ $ $ Oh, here, .ulu said$ She took the can of /a, ,randon had brought o%er, and "a%ed it under my nose$ # think you should drink this$ /he drink actually smelt great$ Which made no sense, because it "as diet$ 2nd # hate diet$ # reached up and took hold of the can, then took a sip$ #t "as cold and s"eet and delicious$ .ook, 6ikki, .ulu said$ Or Em$ Or "hate%er your name is$ &o you "ant us to call someone( 0our agent, -ebecca( Or your publicist, =elly( Should "e call =elly and see if she can tell us "hats going on( &ont call anyone yet, # said$ # "asnt ready to go back to the hospital$ 6ot no"$ 6ot kno"ing "hat # suddenly kne"$ Or "as fairly certain # kne"$ Why hadnt they told me( What had they been "aiting for(

#m really tired, # said, handing .ulu the empty can, "hich #d drained$ )an # +ust hang out here, and maybe rest a little before # decide "hat to do ne't( Of course you can, .ulu e'claimed$ # mean, this is your loft$ #m the one "ho pays you rent$ 6ikki *o"ard, # corrected her$ 0ou paid 6ikki *o"ard rent$ # "as the "orlds first brain transplant $ $ $ $ $ $ and the body theyd chosen to transplant my brain into "as one of the planets most famous supermodels$ Seriously$ /he *ulk "ould ha%e been better$ Ele%en

# "oke to the sound of a bu!!er$ 2t first # couldnt figure out "here the sound "as coming from$ /hats because, for a minute or so, # thought # "as in my o"n room$ # reached out, fumbling for my alarm clock$ ,ut instead of my fingers coming into contact "ith hard plastic, all # felt "as "arm skin$ /his "as unusual, to say the least$ What "as e%en more unusual "as that "hen # opened my eyes, # sa" # "asnt in my room at all$ Or e%en in the last place # remembered "aking up, the hospital$ 6o, # "as in 6ikki *o"ards do"nto"n loft, "here #d apparently fallen asleep on the li%ing room couch 3 "ith my head on ,randon Starks chest, no less$ When # +erked myself to an upright position 3 completely startled by the intimate "ay in "hich #d curled myself up to a complete and utter stranger 3 # got a head rush$ 6ot +ust a head rush, but a headache$ #t only took a second or t"o to remember "hy$ 2nd "hen # did, # groaned and dropped my face to my knees, 6ikki *o"ards long blonde hair falling all around me like a tent$ )osy 3 6ikki *o"ards dog 3 didnt seem to like that %ery much$ She "iggled her "ay past my hair and on to my lap so she could gi%e me a good-morning lick$ /hen the bu!!er "ent off again$ Oh od, # groaned, and, lifting )osabella, # staggered across the li%ing room, looking for the source of the sound so # could make it stop$ #t "as morning$ /he sky outside the floor-to-ceiling "indo"s "as already a bright autumnal blue$ ,ut that didnt seem to trouble the t"o 4O6s "hod fallen asleep beside me and "ho continued to do!e undisturbed$ .ulu )ollins looked like a little angel, "ith her pageboy all messed up and her mascara smudged$ 2nd ,randon Stark, all si' and a half feet of him, lay half on and half off the couch, snoring lightly, the tele%ision remote in his hand$ On the screen o%er the fireplace flickered soundless images of famous faces$ #t "as M/>, on mute$ /he bu!!er sounded again and .ulu, o%er on the couch, groaned and pulled the cashmere blanket "ed all been sharing o%er her head$ # reali!ed the sound "as coming from some sort of intercom located to one side of the door to the ele%ator$ 6ot kno"ing "hat else to do 3 but desperate to make the sound stop 3 # lifted the handset that "as connected to the "all "here the bu!!ing seemed to be coming from$ *ello( # croaked into the handset$ Sorry to "ake you, Miss *o"ard, said a mans %oice # didnt recogni!e 8of course9, but Mr 1ustin ,ay is here, and hes asking to see you$ 1ustin ,ay( /he star of the 1ourney7uest mo%ie 8"hich ble"9( 1ustin ,ay "anted to see me( /hen # remembered$ *e "asnt there to see me at all$ *e "as there to see 6ikki *o"ard$ ,ut "ait$ Why( Wasnt he .ulu )ollinss boyfriend( # remembered the pink sapphire shed sho"n me that time shed %isited me in the hospital, "hen #d hoped shed been a hallucination$ *adnt she said that 1ustin had gi%en it to her( 0es$ 0es, thats e'actly "hat shed said$ *e must mean .ulu, # said$ ,ut shes asleepE 6o, Miss *o"ard, the doorman 3 because thats "ho it had to be, right( 3 said$ Mr ,ay says to tell you hes here specifically to see you, and that hed appreciate it if you "ouldnt tell Miss )ollins, and if youd come do"n to meet him$ *e says its important$ # stood there staring at the intercom in confusion$ 1ustin ,ay "anted to see 6ikki *o"ard, but he didnt "ant her to tell .ulu$ What "as going on here( *e also says, the doorman "ent on in a slightly bored %oice, that hes not lea%ing until you see him, and that this time he really means it$ Whoa: # stared at the intercom some more$ Why did 1ustin ,ay need to see 6ikki *o"ard so badly, but didnt "ant .ulu to kno"( # tried to remember "hat # kne" about 1ustin ,ay, "hich 3 beyond "hat #d read in the pages of 4ridas 5s Weekly and that hed been horrible in the 1ourney7uest mo%ie as .eander 3 "asnt much,

e'cept that he "as incredibly good-looking$ Oh, and rich$ ,ecause his dad, -ichard ,ay, had also been an actor, star of the mega-successful Sky Warrior franchise "hen he "as younger$ 6o" he produced heart"arming family friendly tele%ision sho"s on prime time and raised buffalo 8"hy did 4rida keep lea%ing her celebrity gossip maga!ines lying around for me to find( Worse, "hy "as # al"ays picking them up and reading them(9 on a huge ranch in Montana$ Maybe 1ustin had a surprise for .ulu$ Sure, that had to be "hy he "anted to see 6ikki and not her$ -ight( &o you "ant me to call the police, Miss *o"ard( "as the doormans ne't surprising 7uestion$ What( # s7ua"ked in astonishment into the intercoms handset$ 6o: 6o, thats O=$ #ll be right do"n$ Sure thing, Miss *o"ard, the doorman said$ #ll send the ele%ator up for you$ # hung up the handset$ O=$ reat$ # "as going to ha%e to talk to 1ustin ,ay$ 2s 6ikki *o"ard though, not as me, because # couldnt tell him # "asnt 6ikki$ #t had been hard enough to con%ince .ulu and ,randon that # "asnt 6ikki *o"ard$ 4orget 1ustin ,ay$ *is portrayal as .eander in the 1ourney7uest mo%ie had pretty much pro%en he "as the dumbest guy on earth $ $ $ 4ine$ # could do this$ # could 3 Oh od$ # couldnt do this$ # didnt ha%e time for this$ # had to get back to the hospital$ # kne" no" that # had had a good nights sleep 8e%en if it had been on a couch, in front of .ulus demo for her ne" rock %ideo 3 she "as cutting her first album$ *er singing %oice "asnt that bad actually9 that # had to find out "hat "as going on, ho" my parents could ha%e done this to me, "hy no one had e%en told me "hat "as going on, "hat had happened to my old body $ $ $ $ $ $ and 6ikki *o"ards brain$ # put )osabella do"n and darted into 6ikki *o"ards bathroom$ 0eah$ 6ikkis face "as still the one that looked back at me in the mirror$ 6o chance that any of this had turned out to be some kind of bi!arre nightmare$ # splashed some cold "ater on to it to "ash the sleep a"ay, then pulled open a dra"er in the hopes of finding a brush, found one and dragged it through my hair 3 carefully, so as not to hurt the tender sutures at the back of my head$ # mean, 6ikkis head 3 then pulled a toothbrush from the gold cup by the sink$ #t "as 6ikki *o"ards toothbrush, but # used it any"ay$ ,ecause, "hate%er 3 my teeth are 6ikki *o"ards teeth no"$ -ight( # rinsed and "iped my mouth, then grabbed the first +acket my hands came into contact "ith 3 something made out of buttery soft bro"n suede$ # "as about to "alk out of 6ikkis room, "hen it hit me that #d almost "alked by her computer "ithout checking it to confirm "hether "hat ,randon had said last night "as true$ # mean, about me being dead$ Sure, 1ustin "as "aiting 3 but oogling myself "ould only take a second$ 2nd besides, if #d really been in a coma for a month, # probably had a ton of emails$ Sure, most of them "ould be spam, but it "ould only take a minute to check them and see if maybe )hristopher had "ritten $ $ $ ,ut "hen # opened 6ikkis pink laptop, # sa" right a"ay something "asnt right$ #t "asnt +ust that it "as a Starkbrand P), "hich frankly "asnt "hat #d buy if # "as a millionaire supermodel "ith all the money in the "orld$ #t "as that the keyboard "as sluggish, not responding to my commands 7uite as soon as it ought to ha%e$ #t only took a second for me see "hy$ E%ery time # pressed a letter on the keyboard, the net"ork acti%ity light on 6ikkis modem flashed$ Which meant, # kne" perfectly "ell from )hristophers fathers obsessi%e belief that all our computers "ere being monitored by the go%ernment, that someone "as tracking 6ikki *o"ards keystrokes$ *er computer 3 unlike the )ommanders 3 "as totally being spied on$ Someone "ho didnt spend much time on computers 3 like, say, a "orld-famous supermodel 3 "ouldnt ha%e noticed$ ,ut to someone "ho basically li%ed on one, like me, it "as totally ob%ious$ 2nd deeply, deeply sinister$ # pulled my fingers off the keyboard so fast it "as like #d been stung$ # hadnt clicked on anything e'cept 6e"s$ # hadnt typed in my name or anything else that could ha%e gi%en me a"ay$ Still$ /alk about creepy$ Whod be spying on 6ikki *o"ard( oogle

2nd "hy( *o" interesting could a supermodels emails be any"ay( 1ust then # heard the ele%ator doors open, and # darted from 6ikkis room$ /he ele%ator operator 3 a different one from last night 3 grinned at me and said, ood morning, Miss *o"ard$ Shh, # said, and pointed at the sleeping .ulu and ,randon$ /hey looked so angelic$ 6o "ay "ould you guess they "ere a couple of lunatics "ho might kidnap someone in the hopes of curing her of brain"ashing by Scientologists$ Oh, sorry the ele%ator operator "hispered$ *e held the door open for me$ oing do"n( 0eah, # said, "ith one last and final look at my captors$ 2nd # stepped into the ele%ator $ $ $ $ $ $ +ust as a tiny "hite blur "hi!!ed past me and into the car$ )osy, # hissed at 6ikki *o"ards dog, "hod plopped do"n on to the ele%ator floor as if she o"ned it$ et out$ 0ou dont really belong to me$ #m not coming back$ o home$ ,ut )osabella only "hined softly$ Seriously, # "hispered$ 0ou cant come$ #m going back to the hospital # scooped the tiny dog up and plopped her do"n on to the "hite carpeting +ust outside the ele%ator door, "here # commanded her to Stay$ ,ut one look at that sad, furry little face 3 not to mention hearing her pathetic "hine 3 and my heart melted$ Oh, # said, reali!ing her desire to go "ith me might actually ha%e nothing to do "ith her lo%e for me and more to do "ith a call from nature$ Sorry )ome on then$ 2nd the dog leaped e'citedly into the ele%ator after me, her stumpy tail "agging like a $ $ $ "ell, # dont e%en kno" "hat$ /hing that "ags a lot$ /he ele%ator operator smiled at me 8"ell, at 6ikki *o"ard9 and closed the door$ /hen "e glided do"n to the lobby, "here he slid the door open again and said, *a%e a nice day, Miss *o"ard$ #m not 3 # began$ ,ut then # caught a glimpse of my reflection in one of the lobbys mirrored "alls$ 2nd # reali!ed the futility of it all$ /hanks, # said instead$ 2nd stepped out of the ele%ator, "ith )osabella at my heels$ /he strangest thing of all( E%en though all #d done "as "ash her face and brush her teeth, 6ikki *o"ard still looked gorgeous$ orgeous enough, any"ay, that the 5PS guy deli%ering packages to the mail room dropped his electronic clipboard thingy "hen he sa" me $ $ $ then picked it up, all flustered$ Either that, or he "as +ust freaked out to see a celebrity of my magnitude in +eans and Skechers$ Someho" # suspect it "as the aforementioned gorgeousness$ Which might sound like its cool$ # mean, being so gorgeous that you stop 5PS dri%ers in their tracks$ ,ut "hen its +ust something you "ere transplanted into( #t isnt really all that much of an accomplishment$ # hadnt really had a chance to notice the night before 3 ha%ing been in the middle of being kidnapped and reali!ing # "as trapped inside someone elses body and all 3 but the lobby of 6ikkis building "as huge, "ith a gigantic crystal chandelier hanging in the middle of the ceiling$ Standing directly beneath that chandelier "as 1ustin ,ay, looking as if hed +ust stepped out from bet"een the pages of one of my sisters teen maga!ines$ *e "as dressed casually in +eans, a grey >-necked s"eater 3 and a bro"n leather +acket$ When he sa" me coming to"ards him, his darkly good-looking face t"itched, and his ga!e darted ner%ously past my shoulder as if to see if anyone else "as getting out of the ele%ator "ith me$ When he sa" it "as +ust me though, he seemed to %isibly rela'$ *e e%en broke into a grin that sho"ed all his "hite, impossibly e%en teeth$ 0ou came, he said, in that %oice # recogni!ed from the a"ful 1ourney7uest mo%ie, as # approached him$ 5h, # said$ )osabella had pranced a"ay from me, heading straight to"ards the re%ol%ing doors outside$ 0eah $ $ $ but # can only stay a minute$ # ha%e to go$ Was there something you "anted me to gi%e .ulu( 1ustins grin %anished$ .ulu( *is handsome face looked perple'ed$ Why "ould # "ant you to gi%e something to .ulu( 5m, # dont kno", # said$ )osabella "as standing on her hind legs, dancing around in front of the re%ol%ing

doors$ #d been right$ She really needed to go$ # +ust figured thats "hy you "anted to see me and not her$ # thought you had a surprise for her or something$ What is this, a +oke(1ustin reached out and grabbed one of my hands$ 2nd he "asnt e'actly shaking it$ *e clung to it, "hile ga!ing do"n meaningfully into my eyes "ith his o"n pleading and half-filled "ith tears 3 +ust like that scene in 1ourney7uest the mo%ie "hen his character .eander pleaded "ith the e%il sorceress not to kill his belo%ed 2lana 8played by Mischa ,arton9$ 6ikki, "here ha%e you been, baby( #%e been dying$ 0ou ha%ent returned any of my calls or te't messages$ #ts been more than a month$ /hen # hear youre finally back, and you dont e%en call$ What did # do "rong( 1ust tell me$ 2s # stared at him in gro"ing horror as his "ords sunk in, # became a"are of three things at once$ One, 1ustin ,ay "as in lo%e "ith me$ Well, not "ith me, but "ith 6ikki *o"ard$ /"o, 6ikki *o"ard "as apparently a total skank "ho "as slutting around behind her best friend and room-mate .ulus back "ith her boyfriend, 1ustin$ 6ot to mention behind the back of 6ikkis o"n boyfriend, ,randon$ 2nd three, 6ikki *o"ards dog "as about to pee on the marble floor of the lobby of her building$ )ould you +ust hold that thought( # said to 1ustin, slipping my hand out from his$ # +ust ha%e to let my dog out$ 6ikki, 1ustin said, his face clouding o%er "ith frustration$ 0ou cantE Seriously, # said$ 1ust hold on a minute$ # hurried a"ay from him, and o%er to the re%ol%ing door$ *ere, )osy, # called to the dog$ *ere, girl 3 2nd the little dog darted after me as # pushed on the re%ol%ing door and "ent out into the cool autumn air$ 2s soon as "e got outside, )osabella s7uatted ne't to one of the planters beside the building $ $ $ and # reali!ed she hadnt +ust needed to pee$ # also reali!ed # had nothing to clean it up "ith$ Oh my od$ #m so sorry, # apologi!ed to the doorman, "hod been standing a fe" yards a"ay, flagging do"n a cab for another resident$ *e looked at me "ith an e'pression of be"ildered amusement$ Miss *o"ard, he said, #ll take care of it, like al"ays$ Oh my od$ 6ikki *o"ards doormen clean up after her dog for her( *o" totally embarrassing$ # could feel myself blushing$ 2 detached part of me reali!ed that it "as interesting that 6ikki *o"ard blushed so easily$ ,ut most of me +ust continued to be mortified$ 2lso hideously uncomfortable, because of "hat had +ust gone on back in the lobby$ -eally, um, # said$ #ts O=$ #f you +ust ha%e a plastic bag, or something, #ll clean it up$ /hats not necessary, Miss *o"ard, the doorman said, no" looking at me as if he thought #d lost my mind$ 2pparently 6ikki *o"ard ne%er offered to clean up after her o"n dog$ #ts me, =arl$ #ll take care of it$ # "anted to die$ # said, Well, O=, =arl$ #m really sorry$ .ook, # hate to ask, but #, um, ha%e to go$ )an you make sure )osy gets back to the loft( 6o "ay "as # going back into that lobby and facing 1ustin again$ =arl nodded and "ent to scoop up the little dog 3 Who took one look at me and began to "ail$ 6ot +ust "hine$ 6ot +ust bark$ ,ut ho"l$ .ike a tiny coyote$ With a bouffant hairdo$ What "as her problem no"( =arl "as all too happy to ans"er that 7uestion for me$ She misses you, =arl said all +o%ially$ ,ut there "as an undercurrent of seriousness in his %oice$ She did this the "hole time you "ere gone last month$ Oh my od$ # "as a horrible person$ # had abandoned my dog for more than a month$ /hen # remembered; she "asnt my dog$

2nd # "asnt a horrible person either$ =arl didnt kno" that the reason )osabella had been abandoned "as because her real o"ner "as 3 #m pretty sure 3 dead$ Well $ $ $ in a "ay$ 5nless .ulu "as right about the "hole spirit-transfer thing$ Which # "as pretty sure she "asnt$ ,ecause such a thing "asnt physically possibly$ )osy # hurried back to the doorman and took the little dog from his hands$ #nstantly she stopped crying and tried to bury herself inside my +acket$ )osy # "hispered to her, my heart melting all o%er again$ # cant take you$ 0ou dont really belong to me$ 2nd #m going back to the hospital$ /hey dont let dogs in the hospital$ -emember( ,ut the dog +ust smiled up at me from inside my +acket, panting happily, her tail thumping against me$ 2nd # kne" in that instant that # "as taking )osy "ith me, come hell or high "ater$ Whate%er that e'pression meant$ 0eah$ My life "asnt getting unduly complicated or anything$ #t "as kind of ironic that, +ust as # "as thinking this, 1ustin ,ay appeared, looking annoyed$ *e strode o%er to me to take my arm$ #s this about that ring( he leaned do"n to ask me in a lo" %oice$ We "ere standing on )enter Street, a one-"ay street that "as still busy enough that # could barely hear him abo%e the traffic noise$ /he one # ga%e .ulu( ,ecause it didnt mean anything, baby$ # only did it to thro" her off the scent, because she "as getting suspicious about us$ 0ou cant honestly be holding that ring against meE # dont kno" "hat youre talking about, # told him$ Which "as the truth$ 2nd # really ha%e to go no" 3 *is face t"isted "ith emotion$ 2nd the ne't thing # kne", he had hold of both my arms and "as hauling me to"ards him to lo"er his lips o%er mine$ My second kiss in the past t"el%e hours "as e%en more de%astating than the first one$ # could feel this one all the "ay do"n to my toes, "hich instantly curled inside my Skechers$ # used to al"ays snort derisi%ely "hen # got to the parts in 4ridas romance no%els "here the dukes snatched up the poor but spunky heroines and moulded their bodies against the front of their "aistcoats or "hate%er$ # al"ays thought to myself, as the heroines bodies "ent limp in response, 0eah, right$ .ike that e%er happens$ #magine my surprise "hen my o"n body 3 or, # guess # should say, 6ikki *o"ards body 3 "ent limp in response to 1ustin ,ays kiss, right there on )enter Street, in front of =arl the doorman, a string of ta'is "aiting for the lights to turn, a million pigeons and e%eryone else "ho might ha%e been looking$ # nearly dropped )osabella 3 "ho "as getting smushed bet"een us any"ay 3 # "as so shocked$ Was this normal( Was this ho" bodies "ere supposed to react "hen getting kissed 3 especially by guys "ho "ere practically strangers to me 8aside from a passing familiarity due to the pages of gossip maga!ines9( Or "ere 1ustin ,ay and ,randon Stark +ust phenomenally good kissers( ,ecause this kissing thing 3 seriously, # could totally get into it$ =issing rocked$ # "as lo%ing the kissing thing$ # mean, ob%iously it "as "rong 3 so "rong 3 to be kissing 6ikki *o"ards best friends boyfriend behind her best friends back and especially behind 6ikki *o"ards boyfriends back$ 6ot to mention the fact that, truthfully, # didnt e%en like either of these guys$ # mean, # still had a monster crush on my o"n best friend, back home$ #f he had been the one bending my body back there on )enter Street, # s"ear to od, there probably "ould ha%e been an e'plosion or something$ Which "as "hy # kne" # couldnt let this kissing business continue, ho"e%er much 6ikkis body might ha%e "anted it to$ What if )hristopher came strolling up 8for "hate%er unlikely reason9 and sa" me "ith 1ustin ,ays tongue rammed do"n my throat( *e hates 1ustin ,ay for "hat he did to ruin the 1ourney7uest mo%ie "ith his terrible acting$ 2nd O=, he "ouldnt necessarily kno" it "as me and not 6ikki *o"ard$ ,ut thats beside the point$ 2nd "hat about .ulu( Supposing .ulu "oke up and looked out of the "indo" and sa" us( /rue, .ulu had kidnapped me$ ,ut she had done it out of the goodness of her heart$ #t "as kind of hard to say anything though, "ith1ustins mouth on mine$ 2"esome as this felt, it +ust couldnt go on$ #t took e%ery ounce of determination # had to "rench my lips from his and say, 5m, please stopE

0ou kno" this is "hat you "ant, 1ustin said in a thick %oice 3 really: 1ust like the dukes in 4ridas books: 3 keeping an iron grip on my arms$ /he thing "as, he "as totally right$ # did "ant it$ &id # e%er$ ,ut # "asnt going to be boneheaded enough to say that$ 6o, # said "eakly instead, # dont$ #ts "rong$ /hats not "hat you said in Paris, 1ustin reminded me$ 5m, # said, keeping my still throbby mouth carefully a%erted from his in case he tried to persuade me some more$ # dont kno"$ #%e ne%er been to Paris$ Please let go 3 2 second later, much to my surprise, he did let go$ ,ut not because #d asked him to$ *ed let go because .una, of all people, appeared as if from no"here and yanked him forcefully off me$ # belie%e the young lady asked you to release her, abriel said to 1ustin in his crisp ,ritish accent$ Whoa: /his "as getting more and more like one of 4ridas romance no%els e%ery minute: #n a totally e'cellent "ay$ Who the hell, 1ustin asked, checking his leather +acket for dents "here abriel had manhandled it, do you think you are( 2 friend of 6ikkis, abriel said "oodenly in response$ 2n 4O6: abriel .una had +ust called himself an 4O6$: /o me, abriel asked, in a much "armer, concerned tone, 2re you all right, 6ikki( # nodded, absently stroking )osabella, "ho hadnt taken too kindly to being s7uashed against me, and "as gro"ling at 1ustin "ith all the ferocity of a nine-pound -ott"eiler$ #m fine, # said$ 1ust "orried about 3 you kno"$ Who might ha%e seen us$ # meant )hristopher 3 and .ulu 3 of course$ ,ut this caused 1ustin to look all around 7uickly, as if reali!ing for the first time that "e "ere actually standing on a fairly busy street corner$ 6ot once did he glance in the direction of the "ide floor-to-ceiling "indo"s abo%e us, though$ /he cad: Or "as scoundrel the right "ord( #d ha%e to check one of 4ridas books$ /hats right, abriel said mildly, noticing 1ustins sudden alarm$ Papara!!i could sho" up any minute$ # thought # sa" some around the corner actually, on my "ay o%er$ 2nd that "as all it took to cause 1ustin to say, #ll call you later, babe, to me before flipping up the collar of his leather +acket and hurrying a"ay$ # couldnt belie%e it: .ulu, his alleged girlfriend, he didnt gi%e a second thought to$ ,ut papara!!i scared him so badly he took off like a shot: What a +erk$ Or rake$ Or "hate%er$ abriel looked at me and asked, 2re you really all right, 6ikki( # blinked at him $ $ $ then glanced o%er at =arl, "ho "as staring at both of us "ith his mouth hanging open a little, his fingers on his cellphone, as if hed +ust been about to call nine-one-one$ 6oticing the direction of my stare, he hastily tucked the phone a"ay$ #m fine, # said to abriel$ -eally # +ust $ $ $ # need to go$ ,ack to the hospital$ # $ $ $ # "asnt supposed to be let out this early and $ $ $ # +ust need to get back$ # kno", abriel said in the same calm %oice in "hich he mentioned the papara!!i$ #%e +ust come from there$ # stopped by to see ho" you "ere doing, and # found the place in an uproar because you "ere gone$ Snuck out for a bit of fun last night, did you( # stared at him, not understanding "hat he meant at first$ Snuck out for a bit of fun( 6o, actually, # "as kidnapped by t"o 44,4s dressed as surgeons$ ,ut then # reali!ed "hat he must ha%e "alked up and seen 3 me in front of my 8"ell, 6ikki *o"ards9 apartment building making out "ith 1ustin ,ay 3 and ho" that had to ha%e looked$ 2nd # felt myself blush to my hairline$ 6-no, # stammered$ 6o, it "asnt like that: 6ot at all$ /here "as a misunderstanding$ #t "as .ulu: .ulu )ollins and ,randon Stark 3 abriel

# broke off$ # could tell by his e'pression that # "as only making things "orse$ .ook, # +ust need to get back, # said, unable to meet his ga!e, # "as so mortified$ #ll $ $ $ #ll see you later$ 2nd # turned, )osabella still in my arms, and headed for )enter Street$ *is %oice stopped me before #d gone a single step$ # "ouldnt bother$ /here are no ta'is$ *ardly e%er are, this time of day, =arl, "ho appeared to be an unapologetic ea%esdropper, called from o%er by the door$ E%eryones heading upto"n to "ork$ i%e it an hour$ 2n hour: # didnt ha%e an hour: # had to get back to the hospital: Especially if "hat abriel had said "as true, and the place "as in an uproar$ Why had # stopped to check my email upstairs on 6ikkis completely compromised computer( # should ha%e looked for a cellphone so # could call my parents and tell them not to "orry$ Maybe =arl "ould let me borro" his $ $ $ oh, "hate%er, # +ust needed to get upto"n $ $ $ /hats O=, # said in a %oice gone suddenly shaky$ #ll +ust take the sub"ay$ 0ou cant take the sub"ay, abriel said simply$ #tll be fine, # said, turning to head in the opposite direction, to"ards ,roome Street$ /his "as my neighbourhood, after all$ # kne" e'actly "here # "as$ # didnt really think it "as going to be fine, but "hat else could # do( # can +ust grab the Si' o%er by ,leecker and take it to 4ourteenth Street and "alk the rest of the "ay$ #ts not far$ /hen, as # reached into my pocket for my "allet and Metro)ard, # reali!ed it "asnt actually my pocket at all, but 6ikki *o"ards pocket$ 2nd it "as empty$ Oh no, # said "ith a groan$ # didnt ha%e my "allet$ Or my Metro)ard$ reat$ 1ust great$ #t doesnt matter, abriel said in the same calm %oice$ ,ecause you cant take the sub"ay any"ay$ # started to say that of course # could 3 "hy couldnt #( ,ut no sooner "as the first "ord out of my mouth than my arm "as grabbed$ /hinking it "as 1ustin ,ay 8again9, # "hipped around fast, e'pecting to ha%e to fend off another knee-melting 4rench kiss$ ,ut instead # sa" a group of elementary school girls in plaid skirts and maroon s"eaters, "ho all started screaming the minute they sa" my face$ # told you, /iffany: shrieked the one "ho had hold of my arm, an adorably freckled nine-year-old in braids$ #ts her: See: 2nd ,raidy pointed past my face to a four-storey-high mural painted on the side of a nearby building 3 a mural "hich +ust happened to be of 6ikki *o"ard in a bikini, urging %ie"ers to come to the ne" Stark Megastore in So*o$ See( # told you: #ts her: ,raidy screamed, practically yanking my arm out of its socket$ 6ikki, 6ikki, can # ha%e your autograph( # "ant it too, 6ikki: /iffany shrieked, sho%ing a pen and a 4rench notebook in my face$ Sign mine, oh, please: #m not 6ikki, # cried$ # tried to get a"ay from them "ithout outright smacking any of them$ Seriously you guys, #m notE irls: 2 nearby nun, "ho "as clearly supposed to be in control of the group, but "ho had %astly underestimated the po"er of a supermodel o%er her young charges, called %ainly for order$ Stop this: Stop this at once: .ea%e the young lady alone: ,ut they "ouldnt lea%e me alone$ /hey didnt belie%e me "hen # said # "asnt 6ikki *o"ard$ 2nd "hy should they, "hen the proof that # "as 6ikki *o"ard "as spray-painted as big as a building +ust a street a"ay( /hey "ere pulling at my +acket, threatening to tumble )osabella out from under it$ Who kno"s "hat they "ould ha%e done, if abriel and =arl the doorman hadnt "aded in and rescued me( One minute # "as being mauled by a pack of screaming schoolgirls, and the ne't, =arl "as holding them off "hile abriel "as steering me bodily

a"ay from them, one arm around my shoulders, saying in a "ry %oice, 6o" do you see "hy you cant take the sub"ay( 2t least, not unless youre "earing a hat$ #t "as a +oke$ Well, sort of$ E'cept that the situation "asnt actually all that funny$ ,ecause in a "ay, he "as right$ # "as ne%er going to be able to ride the sub"ay again as an anonymous 6e" 0ork )ity citi!en$ 4rom no" on, #d be riding the sub"ay as 6ikki *o"ard, supermodel$ 5nless # carried around a giant sign that said, #m not really her$ &ont bother asking for my autograph$ # must ha%e looked really crushed or something, since a second later, abriel ga%e me a little hug "ith the arm hed put around me, and said "ith a sigh, 6e%er mind$ #ll gi%e you a ride$ 2nd he gestured to"ards a pale green >espa that "as parked in the circular dri%e in front of the building$ /hats right$ 2 >espa$ Which has to be the least cool mode of transportation in the uni%erse$ # mean, to 2merican guys$ ,ut abriel "asnt 2merican$ 2nd he ob%iously didnt care that his motorbike "ould be considered, by the a%erage 2merican male, completely effeminate$ # ha%e helmets, he assured me, # guess mistaking my astonishment for reluctance to ride on a scooter due to the safety issue$ O=, # said faintly$ # +ust "anted to get a"ay from 6ikki *o"ards screaming fans 3 "ho "ere still being held back by =arl and the frantic-looking nun 3 and 6ikki *o"ards cra!y room-mate and her boyfriend8s9 and her building and the giant mural of her on the building right do"n the street, and back to my family$ 2nd # didnt care ho" # did it$ *ere, abriel said, and handed me a motorcycle helmet from a compartment on the back of his >espa$ *e helped me fit it o%er my head 8or 6ikki *o"ards head9$ #t didnt make my stitches hurt, "hich "as good$ /hen he helped me climb on to the bike, and sho"ed me "here to put my feet$ /hen he got on as "ell, and said, *ang on to me$ Which # kne" meant put my arms around his "aist$ ,ut of course #d ne%er touched a guy like that$ # mean, aside from all the guys #%e made out "ith in the past t"enty-four hours$ Which hadnt e'actly been initiated by me$ E'cept before # had a chance to fully obsess o%er "hat # "as about to do, some of the schoolgirls broke a"ay from =arl and their teacher, and began tearing to"ards us, screaming, 6ikki: 6ikki: /hen abriel started the motorbike up$ /here "as a lurch and # had to grab him around the "aist to keep from falling off the bike back"ards$ 2nd then he said, *ere "e go: 2nd "e "ent$ /"el%e

#%e li%ed in Manhattan my "hole life$ #%e eaten dim sum in )hinato"n and brick-o%en pi!!a in .ittle #taly$ #%e been to the top of the Empire State ,uilding and the Statue of .iberty too$ #%e traced my ancestors back to their entry into this country 8from England on my dads sideG *ungary on my moms9 %ia Ellis #sland, and #%e spent hours getting lost in the Strand, the "orlds biggest used-book store$ #%e had breakfast at /iffanys 8"ell, a bagel outside it on a field trip to the Museum of Modern 2rt9 and seen the >ermeers in the 4rick 8hard to belie%e he painted them "ithout the help of a computer9$ #%e ridden the sub"ay to )oney #sland, used the paddle boats in )entral Park and skated 8though not "ell9 at -ockefeller )enter$ #%e e%en been to the World /rade )enter, back "hen it "as still the World /rade )enter and not round Hero$ ,ut #%e ne%er, e%er cruised do"n 4ourth 2%enue on the back of a cute guys motor scooter before$ 2nd # ha%e to say, its the "ay to tra%el$ #t completely beats my other primary modes of transportation 3 the sub"ay and "alking 3 hands do"n$ E%en though the "ind "as really cold and made my eyes "ater 3 and )osabella didnt seem too thrilled about being "edged bet"een my belly and abriels back 3 it "as super fun darting in and out of traffic, dodging bicycle messengers and almost running a red light $ $ $ $ $ $ and best of all, feeling the "armth from abriels back coming through the leather of his +acket, and seeing him smile e%ery time he looked back to make sure # "as O=$ 2nd e%en though he "as smiling at 6ikki *o"ard and not at me, # had to admit $ $ $ # could ha%e ridden on the back of abriel .unas >espa all day$ 4or the first time since #d "oken up in the hospital, # actually felt $ $ $ good$ 6ot good about the fact that someone had apparently stuck my brain in 6ikki *o"ards body 8so not9$ ,ut good about the fact that # "as actually ali%e and got to e'perience cruising do"n 4ourth 2%enue on the back of a cute guys >espa$ 2nd that made me reali!e ho" %ery, %ery lucky # "as$ Whoe%er had done this 3 ho"e%er it had happened $ $ $ the fact that it had enabled me to e'perience something like that 3 "ell, # "as grateful$ 2t least, about that part of it$ /he part about all those schoolgirls "anting my autograph because they thought # "as 6ikki *o"ard( 6ot so much$ 5nfortunately, "e reached the hospital all too soon$ /"enty blocks is a long "ay if youre "alking, but it isnt long enough if youre flying do"n the street on the back of a cute guys pale green >espa$ 1ust fifteen minutes or so later, "e "ere pulling in to the underground parking garage beneath Manhattan eneral$ 2nd # started feeling ner%ous about the kind of reception # "as going to get inside$ # mean, it "as true # had been kidnapped$ ,ut # could ha%e gotten a"ay a lot sooner than # had$ /he truth "as, # had kind of been mad at my family for not telling me about the "hole 6ikki *o"ard thing$ What e'actly had they been thinking( So #d sort of put off going back until # absolutely had to$ 6o" # had the feeling, based on "hat abriel said, # might be in trouble "hen # got there$ So "hen abriel pushed the button to get a parking slip, # said, Seriously you dont ha%e to come up "ith me, you can +ust drop me off$ ,ecause # didnt "ant him to "itness the screaming # e'pected to ensue$ # mean, e%en though #m crushing on )hristopher, not abriel .una, its still embarrassing to ha%e a cute guy see your parents flip out on you$ 2fter "hat happened outside your flat( he asked$ 6ot a chance$ #m going to make sure you get deli%ered safely$ # felt myself flushing$ What happened back there, # couldnt keep myself from saying, "hat you sa", "ith 1ustin 3 that "asnt 3 he +ust sho"ed up this morning$ # didntE # meant "ith the schoolgirls, abriel said$ Oh, # said$ # "as glad the helmet hid my blush$ Still$ # couldnt let it go$ *e isnt $ $ $ he isnt my boyfriend or anything$ #snt he( # reali!ed #d +ust made "hat hed seen on )enter Street look infinitely "orse$

6o, # tried to e'plain$ *es my room-mates boyfriend$ # think he $ $ $ got the "rong message$ #d say so, abriel said$ Oh$ od$ Ob%iously, # +ust needed to keep my mouth shut$ ,ut # couldnt seem to do so$ 2s "e pulled into a parking space, and abriel s"itched the >espas engine off, # asked, *o" did you kno"( When no one could find me at the hospital$ /o go looking for me at 6ik 3 # mean, my apartment building( 1ust a guess, abriel said, taking his helmet, "hich #d carefully peeled off, from me$ 2 lucky one, as it happens$ # suppose # dont blame you for sneaking out, seeing as ho" they "ont let you ha%e any %isitors$ ,ut you really frightened them, you kno", running off like that 3 your parents, # mean$ Or # suppose thats "ho they are 3 # ha%ent actually met them, but # sa" them "hen # stopped by your floor this morning, before they thre" me out$ 0our mum "as crying$ # che"ed my lo"er lip$ E%en though # dont like like him, # didnt "ant him to think # "as the kind of girl "ho "ould run off from a hospital and make my mum cry, any more than # "anted him to think # "as the kind of girl "hod stay out all night "ith a cheeseball like 1ustin ,ay $ $ $ # "anted to tell him the truth$ 2bout "hat had happened to me, # mean$ # felt like hed really understand$ 2nyone "ho could sing like that 3 "ell, hed ha%e to understand, "ouldnt he( ,ut # couldnt tell him$ ,ecause ob%iously, if they hadnt e%en told me, and # "asnt supposed to be recei%ing %isitors e'cept my immediate family, and they kept kicking people off my floor, this "hole thing "as supposed to be a secret$ # didnt kno" "hy 3 but # "as going to get to the bottom of it$ /oday$ #t $ $ $ #t "as so "eird, the t"o of us, ha%ing this moment 3 if thats e%en "hat it "as, here in this parking garage $ $ $ the same one "here, +ust last night, #d kicked and bitten ,randon Stark as hed stuffed me into a limo$ #ts really nice of you to be so concerned about me, # said$ # mean, considering the fact that "e hardly kno" each other$ Well, abriel said$ 2fter "hat happened that day at Starks, # feel as if # kno" you, at least a little$ 0ou ga%e us all 7uite a scare$ 0ou really $ $ $ you ought to take better care of yourself, 6ikki$ # blinked at him in confusion$ What "as he talking about( # 3 "hat( abriel seemed to hesitate, as if he "asnt sure he "anted to say "hat he did ne't$ ,ut then he reached out and took one of my hands and said, looking do"n at me "ith that intently blue ga!e, #ts +ust that youre so lo%ely $ $ $ and so s"eet$ 0ou shouldnt thro" your life a"ay on drugs and alcohol$ # think my eyes almost popped out of my head$ What( # croaked again, this time in disbelief$ # kno" your publicist is saying you "ere hospitali!ed for hypoglycaemia and $ $ $ "hat "as it( Oh, right$ E'haustion, he "ent on$ ,ut # "as there that day, remember, 6ikki( 2nd # honestly didnt think you "ere going to make it$ 0ou +ust lay there, so completely still$ # thought you "ere dead$ # dont think # could ha%e spoken if #d tried$ *e thought 6ikki *o"ard had spent the past month in the hospital because shed been in rehab( Was that "hat e%eryone thought( Oh my od: # "as so embarrassed: # could feel my cheeks burning "ith shame $ $ $ On the other hand, "hat did # care "hat he thought about 6ikki *o"ard( #t didnt ha%e anything to do "ith me $ $ $ Oh, "ait$ # guess it did$ ,ut #m notE # started to say$ ,ut abriel +ust shook his head$ 0ou dont ha%e to make up e'cuses for me, 6ikki, he said, his %oice as gentle as his fingertips$ # kno" ho" hard it is, li%ing in the spotlight, ha%ing to listen to the gossip$ 2nd #m glad youre getting the help you need no"E ,utE E%erythings going to be all right no", he said as he led the "ay to the ele%ators$ #m really pleased you decided to come back to the hospital$ 0our parents "ill be happy to see you$ *e ga%e me a "ry grin$ Maybe theyll forgi%e me no" for sneaking on to your floor the other night "hen # "asnt supposed to$

5m$ )osy and # +oined him in the ele%ator car as it arri%ed$ # "as feeling more da!ed than e%er$ 0eah$ 2bout that E 2dmitting you ha%e a problem is the first step to"ards con7uering it, you kno", 6ikki, do"n at me$ # smiled back up at him because # couldnt help it$ abriel said, smiling

,ut smiling at him turned out to be a mistake$ 6ikki *o"ards smile "as like kryptonite to guys, or something$ #t seemed to completely immobili!e them$ abriel seemed to totally forget "here "e "ere$ /he ele%ator doors closed, and then "e +ust stood there for almost a "hole minute, "ith abriel staring at me$ *ello$ 2"k"ard$ 5h, # said$ # dont kno" "hat floor "ere going to$ Oh$ abriel ga%e a start, then dropped my hand and hit the button for the fourth floor$ Sorry$ ,efore # had a chance to think of anything to say 3 such as, # am not no", nor ha%e # e%er, been on drugs 3 ho"e%er, the ele%ator doors slid open to re%eal a burly security guard, "ho said, Sorry, folks$ 2ccess to this floor is $ $ $ /hen his eyes "idened "hen he got a closer look at me$ 0ou: he cried$ 5m, yeah, # said$ My cheeks "ere still on fire$ &rugs: 2lcohol: -eally$ &id # ask for any of this( 2re my mom and dad around( 2nd the ne't thing # kne", Mom and &ad "ere all o%er me "ith their Where ha%e you beens and their We "ere "orried sicks, hugging me and berating me at the same time$ #t really "as +ust as embarrassing as #d anticipated$ &r *olcombe "as ho%ering around too, ner%ously che"ing on the end of his glasses "hile holding a clipboard$ &r *iggins 3 the female doctor, "hod been "earing her hair in a bun 3 "as beside him$ Only her hair "asnt in a bun any more$ #t "as hanging all o%er the place, looking straggly, like she hadnt had a chance to fi' it up, gi%en the "hole part "here #d disappeared and e%eryone "as freaking out about "here # "as, apparently$ Which "as going to be hard to e'plain, since # didnt "ant to rat out .ulu and ,randon, as theyd genuinely thought they "ere doing the right thing$ On the other hand, # did ha%e to ans"er my parents 7uestions$ ,ut abriel .una sol%ed the "hole problem for me by cutting e%eryone off and saying, # found her at her flat$ Which "as "hen &r *olcombe slid his glasses back into place and asked, E'cuse me, but "ho is this young man( #t "as right then that 4rida came around the corner, her head do"n and her shoulders slumped de+ectedly$ When she heard &r *olcombes %oice, she looked up, sa" me and broke out into a huge smile $ $ $ $ $ $ until her ga!e fell on abriel$ /hen the smile %anished and she gasped$ abriel .una: she cried$ /hats abriel .una( &ad "hispered to Mom in a perfectly audible %oice$ *es the one "ho "as here asking for 6ikki *o"ard a little "hile ago$ /hats the boy # sa" beside her bed, &r *iggins said, pointing at roses: abriel$ *es the one "ho brought her the

/he glance 4rida thre" at me could ha%e fro!en coffee$ *e brought you roses( *e brought 6ikki *o"ard roses, # corrected her$ ,ecause # could see all too clearly "here this "as heading$ Wait $ $ $ abriel .una from the Megastore grand opening( Mom asked$ 0es, abriel said, e'tending his right hand to"ards my parents$ *ello$ #m sorry # didnt introduce myself earlier, but you "ere busy ha%ing me thro"n out$ #ts %ery nice to meet you$ Mom, looking like she "as in a da!e, shook abriels hand and murmured, 6ice to meet you too, "hile &ad, as soon as she "as done, stuck out his o"n hand and, shaking abriels, said, Where ha%e you been "ith my daughter( abriel brought me back here, # e'plained, rushing to lea%e on my o"n and $ $ $ "ell, he sort of rescued me$ abriels defence$ #ts a long story, but # didnt e'actly

abriel flashed me a smile of thanks for this$ Which # returned$ #n spite of the fact that he apparently thought 6ikki *o"ard "as a drug addict, # figured he deser%ed some credit any"ay$ Well, &r *olcombe said, in a %oice that "as a little fake in its heartiness in that case, "e ha%e much to thank

you for then, Mr, er, .una$ #ts nothing, abriel said$ -eally$ ,ut # ha%e to say, # thinkE &r *olcombe "asnt interested in hearing "hat abriel thought, ho"e%er$ 4rida, he said, cutting abriel off, "hy dont you sho" Mr .una to the cafeteria and get yoursel%es a bite to eat "hile your sister and parents and # ha%e a little talk$ 2ll right( ,efore abriel could say anything, 4rida "ent from staring daggers at me to staring lo%ingly up at him, her pupils practically going heart-shaped, like a cartoon characters$ Sure, she said in a breathy %oice #d ne%er heard before and, taking hold of follo" me$ #ll sho" you the "ay$ abriels arm, she cooed, *ere,

Which of course made me actually "ant to slug her, for acting so dopey$ Why does my sister al"ays ha%e to act like such 3 #m sorry to say it, but its true 3 a girl sometimes( 2lthough, no" that # kno" "hat it actually feels like to get kissed, # guess # couldnt really blame her$ 5h, abriel said, looking back at me as 4rida led him to"ards the ele%ator "ed +ust stepped out of, all right then, # guess, uh, #ll see you later $ $ $ ,ye, # started to say, "a%ing$ ,ut before # could utter a "ord more, 4rida had dragged him around the corner and he "as gone$ 4or all # kne", fore%er$ ,ut # had more important things to deal "ith +ust then than my sisters completely inappropriate crush on a ,ritish singer-song"riter$ 2nd that included my mother, "ho "as looking do"n at my half-open +acket and going, Oh my od$ #s there a dog in your coat( #ts 6ikki *o"ards dog, # e'plained$ *o" in ods name, &ad "anted to kno", did you end up "ith 6ikki *o"ards dog( Well, # said, it all started "hen # "oke up and found that somebody had put my brain in 6ikki *o"ards body$ &r *olcombe, looking %ery uncomfortable, opened a nearby office door, and gestured for us to follo" him, saying, Please$ )ome in$ Sit$ We need to talk$ Oh yes, # said, follo"ing him "ith my head 3 or should # say 6ikki *o"ards head 3 held high$ We do$ /hirteen

0ou ha%e to understand, &r *olcombe said as he sat behind his enormous mahogany desk, a cup of coffee cradled bet"een his hands, the procedure "e performed on you, Emerson, "as necessary in order to sa%e your life$ # get that, # said$ # doubt you go around doing brain transplants on people "ho dont need it$ 2lthough # dont kno" ho" # got lucky enough to be the first$ &r *olcombe cleared his throat$ Er $ $ $ Wait$ # stared at him$ # "as kidding$ 0ou mean $ $ $ #m not the first( Oh, my "ord, no, &r *olcombe said, laughing heartily$ /he youngest, definitely$ ,ut not the first, by any means$ # blinked at him$ ,ut $ $ $ "ait a minute$ # +ust sa" a documentary on brain transplants a fe" months ago$ #t said none had e%er been successfully done on a human being before$ Well, none that "e%e e%er publici!ed, no, &r *olcombe said$ 6one of our recipients has e%er cared to make the procedure public$ <uite the opposite, as a matter of factE -ecipients( 0ou%e mean you%e done this $ $ $ a lot( Oh yes, &r *olcombe said$ My team and # perfected the procedure some time ago$ We%e been performing it for se%eral years no"$ #ts e'tremely e'pensi%e 3 and still 7uite rare$ 0ou came to us "ith in+uries that, in any ordinary circumstances, "ould ha%e been instantly fatal$ #t "as pure serendipity that a %iable "hole-body donor became a%ailable at the same time your heart ga%e out$ >iable "hole-body donor( # echoed$ # "as shocked$ 0ou mean $ $ $ 6ikki *o"ard( # cant belie%e you +ust called her that$ # mean, 6ikki $ $ $ she "as a person$ &octor *olcombe is a"are of that, Em, my mom said 7uickly$ She and &ad "ere sitting in a pair of leather chairs in front of &r *olcombes desk, "hile # sat bet"een them, "ith &r *iggins and Mr Phillips, a legal representati%e of Stark Enterprises, sitting on a couch a fe" feet a"ay$ When #d asked, What does Stark Enterprises ha%e to do "ith all this( Mr Phillips had said, 0oure actually under the care of the Stark #nstitute for 6eurology and 6eurosurgery, a di%ision of Manhattan eneral *ospital, of "hich Stark Enterprises is a primary donor$ #ts the one and only medical centre in the "orld that performs "hole-body transplants$ Stark Enterprises doesnt publici!e the institutes e'istence 3 or its connection "ith it, of course 3 because there are still some, er, bioethical concerns in%ol%ed in the procedure$ 0ou mean because in order for someone to get a "hole-body transplant, #d said, somebody else has to be declared brain-dead so they can snatch their body for the recipients use( Er, Mr Phillips had said, thats simplifying the matter a bit, but $ $ $ yes, more or less$ Emerson, &r *iggins e'plained gently no", 6ikki *o"ard suffered from a rare congenital brain defect that no one 3 not e%en 6ikki herself 3 "as a"are of$ #t "as an aneurysm 3 basically a ticking time bomb in her head, that could ha%e gone off at any time $ $ $ but happened to go off at almost the same moment you "ere so gra%ely in+ured$ ,ecause there "ere so many medical personnel on hand at the time 3 the Stark Megastore staff had re7uested that an ambulance, in addition to a team of paramedics, be on site throughout the day in the e%ent that the protests during the grand opening gre" %iolent 3 they "ere able to act 7uickly enough to keep her 3 and you 3 ali%e for transport to this hospital$ ,ut once you both arri%ed here, it "as 7uickly determined that neither of you had a chance to sur%i%e $ $ $ at least, not on your o"n$ -ight, &ad said, his eyes looking %ery bright for some reason$ # "as shocked to see that the brightness in his eyes "as due to tears$ # had ne%er seen my dad cry before$ E'cept during E'treme *ome Makeo%er, of course$ ,y the time your mother and # arri%ed, you "ere on a life-support machine$ /hey basically told us to say goodbye to you$ 5ntil, Mom added, her eyes e7ually shiny, &octor *olcombe sho"ed up and e'amined you$ /hen he told us there might be one "ay to keep you ali%e $ $ $ but that it "as e'tremely risky$ 2nd that thered likely be $ $ $ complications$ 0ou mean like #d "ake up in someone elses body( # asked$ /hat kind of complication( #ts true youre not $ $ $ "ell, you any more, Em, Mom said$ On the outside, any"ay$ ,ut youre still you on the inside$ /hats "hy &octor *olcombe and his team felt it "as better not to tell you right a"ay "hat had happened$ 0ou had already been through so much$ 0ou +ust needed time $ $ $ time to ad+ustE

Oh od$ # dropped my head into my hands$ # couldnt belie%e this$ # couldnt belie%e any of this "as happening to me$ 2nd that Stark Enterprises "as apparently behind it$ .ook, # said, fighting back tears$ *o" could my parents ha%e gone along "ith any of this( *o" could they ha%e allo"ed this to happen( /his isnt right$ 0ou cant do this$ #ts $ $ $ its sick$ 6o" see here, young lady, &r *olcombe said, looking annoyed$ Whats sick about it( /housands of people are declared legally brain-dead e%ery year, and thousands more find themsel%es in bodies too infirm to continue li%ing in$ What is so "rong "ith pro%iding those patients "ith a second chance at life( ,esides "hich, he added, a little less irritably, # honestly dont think you ha%e any right to complain$ 0ou "ent into my surgery a grie%ously in+ured girl, and came out a supermodel: Millions of girls "ould die 3 literally 3 to be in your shoes right no": /hats "hen # reali!ed that e%en though this man had sa%ed my life 3 e%en though at one time, hed "rapped his hands around my brain, gently lifted it, and then spent hours carefully stitching it into place inside someone elses head 3 he didnt kno" me$ *e didnt kno" me at all$ ,ut you didnt ha%e my permission, # accused him$ 2h, Mr Phillips said, but "e had your parents permission$ # s"ung an accusing look at Mom and &ad$ Moms eyes, # sa", "ere as bright "ith tears as my o"n$ 0ou "ere going to die other"ise, honey, she said$ 0ou "ouldnt be here, if it "erent for "hat &octor *olcombe and his team did$ # +ust looked at her$ # may ha%e had 6ikki *o"ards heart no", but it felt e%ery bit as hea%y as mine e%er had "hen # "as upset about something$ 4ine, # said, trying to sound reasonably adult 3 "hich "asnt easy to do, considering ho" high-pitched and childish 6ikki *o"ards %oice "as$ ,ut if Stark Enterprises really "ants to keep this "hole "hole-body transplant thing a secret $ $ $ "ell, its not going to stay a secret for long$ ,ecause people are going to notice something is up "hen # "alk into school on Monday and # look +ust like 6ikki *o"ard, but #m going around calling myself Emerson Watts$ Mr Phillips cleared his throat$ /hat isnt going to happen, he said calmly$ ,ut 3 # looked from him to my parents and back again$ Why did my parents look so $ $ $ so guilt-stricken( What "as going on( 0eah, it is$ # mean, # cant not go back to school$ Emerson Watts "ont be going back to school, Mr Phillips said$ ,ecause Emerson Watts no longer e'ists$ What do you mean, # no longer e'ist( # asked$ #m sitting right here$ Em 3 my dads %oice "as gentle 3 look $ $ $ # glanced at him$ /here "as something about his e'pression 3 something # couldnt put my finger on$ ,ut # kne" # didnt like it$ # sa" that Mom, sitting ne't to him, "ore much the same look on her face $ $ $ sort of panicky, but sort of pleading at the same time$ /hey both looked o%er at Mr Phillips, then back at me$ Wait$ Why "ere they looking at him( When "e first got to the hospital, &ad "ent on, and &octor *olcombe here told us about the transplant, there "ere $ $ $ "ell, there "ere certain conditions$ /hings "e, as your parents, had to agree to before they "ould consider doing the surgery$ # looked from &ad to Mom and then back again$ What kind of things( # asked, "ondering "hat on earth they could be talking about$ Mr Phillips pulled a thick pile of papers from a briefcase beside his chair and handed me a hea%y stack from the top$ # looked do"n and sa" forty or fifty pages of fine print, neatly stapled, and notari!ed$ 2t the bottom of each page "ere my parents signatures$

Well, Mr Phillips said, flipping through the copy of the contract he had in front of him, for one thing, they agreed that, in the e%ent that your surgery "as a success, you "ould honour all 6ikki *o"ards contracts, endorsements and licensing agreements$ My eyes bulged$ What( # looked frantically to"ards my parents$ ,ut both of them had their ga!es glued to the floor$ #n other "ords, Mr Phillips continued, apparently thinking # didnt understand "hat hed +ust said$ E'cept that # had understood$ # "as +ust hoping against hope that he "as "rong, you "ill continue fulfilling 6ikki *o"ards duties as spokes"oman for Stark Enterprises$ 4ailure to do so "ill result in a full and immediate reimbursement to Stark Enterprises of the cost of the surgery, and possible legal ramifications$ 6o" # "asnt +ust staring$ # "as gaping$ Wait, # said$ My heart "as starting to hammer, hard, inside my chest$ Or rather, 6ikki *o"ards chest$ 2re you saying "hat # think youre saying( #m not certain "hat you think #m saying, Miss Watts, Mr Phillips said$ ,ut if you mean, am # saying that if you do not honour all 6ikki *o"ards Stark-related professional commitments, your parents "ill o"e this hospital t"o million dollars, in addition to legal fees 3 and fines, including possible +ail time, if confidentiality is also breeched 3 then yes, that is "hat # am saying$ 6o$ 6o, this "asnt possible$ /his "as a hallucination$ /he part "ith ,ut this "as unreal 3 /heres more( # groaned$ /his part, &r *olcombe said, # can assure you is 7uite standard, Emerson$ We re7uire it of all our patients$ 4or the protection of the institute$ We cant let "hat "e do here get out, of course$ /here are people 3 religious leaders, politicians 3 "ho "ouldnt understand that "hat "e do sa%es li%es$ #f people "ere to lea%e here "ith entirely ne" bodies and faces, but still insisting they "ere the same person they "ere "hen they came in $ $ $ "ell, as you suggested earlier, "ord "ould get out %ery 7uickly$ /hats "hy "e re7uire all our patients to allo" us to declare their pre%ious identities legally dead$ My +a" dropped$ ,ut #m not dead: .egally, Mr Phillips said, # can assure you that you are$ #t all comes do"n to the locus of identity$ 1ust "hat is the locus 3 or percei%ed location 3 of our identities $ $ $ our souls, as it "ere( #s it the brain( Or is it the heart and body( 6ikki *o"ards brain, its true, is no longer functioning$ *er heart, on the other hand, continues to beat$ *er $ $ $ heart( # laid a hand o%er my heart$ Or, # guess # should say, # laid 6ikki *o"ards hand o%er 6ikki *o"ards heart$ # felt its steady thump-thump-thump$ 5p until that moment, the sound of my heartbeat had al"ays been reassuring to me$ 6o", it sounded $ $ $ "ell, foreign$ Emerson Wattss heart, ho"e%er, Mr Phillips continued, stopped beating "ell o%er a month ago$ #f all motor function has ceased in a body, and the brain is remo%ed, then that person, by the legal definition set in place by a landmark @ALJ court decision here in 6e" 0ork state, is deceased$ Whereas the person "ith the li%ing brain and beating heart 3 in this case, 6ikki *o"ard 3 is, legally, ali%e$ My eyes "idened$ # couldnt understand any of this$ &id this guy not reali!e #m only in ele%enth grade( #m in all 2P classes$ ,ut still$ What( # asked again$ ranted abriel .una( /hat had really happened$

Oh, and there "as something else your parents agreed to, Mr Phillips "ent on$

What #m trying to e'plain, Miss Watts, Mr Phillips said, slo"ly, as if by his taking more time to pronounce them, his "ords "ould make more sense to me, is that appro'imately thirty-four days ago, Emerson Watts 3 according to the current definition of the "ord as mandated by the la"s of the state of 6e" 0ork 3 died$ # did not like the sound of this$ # did not like the sound of this one bit$ Wait, # said$ So according to the state of 6e" 0ork, #m dead( Emerson Watts is dead, he corrected me$ ,ut $ $ $ #m Emerson Watts, # cried$

2re you( he asked "ith a little smile$ #t "as the smile that did it$ Suddenly # "as afraid$ More afraid than #d e%er been in my life $ $ $ including "hen #d seen that plasma screen tele%ision start to fall right "here my sister "as standing$ 0es, # said, leaning for"ard in my chair$ 0es$ Why are you 3 # mean, "hy are "e 3 e%en discussing this( What are you trying to tell me( 2re you really going to sit there and tell me that #m dead, and that 6ikki *o"ard is still ali%e( 6ot at all$ What #m telling you, Miss Watts, is that you are 6ikki *o"ard$ 4ourteen

# "as back in my hospital room 3 the only occupied patient room in the entire 2 "ing of the Stark #nstitute for 6eurology and 6eurosurgery 3 and back in a hospital go"n$ &r *olcombe and his staff "anted to run some more tests$ *o" "ell # did on the tests "ould dictate ho" soon # got to go home 3 or, # guess # should say, to 6ikki *o"ards loft, since thats "here my home "as going to be once # "as released, no" that # "as to resume 6ikki *o"ards contractual responsibilities$ Of course, Mom and &ad told me # didnt ha%e to go through "ith it$ /he part about pretending to be 6ikki$ /hey said 8later, "hen Starks legal eagle, Mr Phillips, "asnt around9 that theyd find a "ay to pay the t"o million 3 and the legal fees and fines 3 if # didnt think # could handle it$ We can al"ays declare bankruptcy, Mom said, "ay too cheerfully$ 0eah$ ,ecause thats so "hat # "ant my parents to ha%e to do for me$ # told them # "asnt "orried$ 6ot about 6ikki *o"ards contractual responsibilities$ 2nd # "asnt$ # mean, come on$ *o" hard could modelling be any"ay( 0ou +ust ha%e to stand there in front of the camera "ith your stomach sucked in, right( .ook at all those models 4ridas al"ays reading about in her fashion maga!ines$ /heyre not e'actly rocket scientists$ ,ut #d already e'perienced enough of 6ikki *o"ards personal life to kno" it "asnt going to be easy$ 6ikkis lo%e life alone "as $ $ $ complicated$ /o say the least$ /hat had my stomach t"isted up in knots 8although that could ha%e been the acid reflu' .ulu had "arned me about9$ /he fact "as, # "as basically going to ha%e to act like 6ikki all the time$ Only our immediate family "as to kno" the truth about "ho # really "as$ 2ccording to Mr Phillips, a story "as going to be released to the public that 6ikki had suffered a head in+ury "hen shed fainted due to her e'haustion and hypoglycaemia, and that the head in+ury had resulted in amnesia$ /his "as so that "hen # sho"ed up for photo shoots and didnt recogni!e makeup artists and stylists 6ikki had "orked "ith before, thered be a rational e'planation$ /hough if Stark Enterprises really thought amnesia "as a rational e'planation, they needed a ma+or reality check$ #d told Mr Phillips right a"ay that there "as one problem; # might ha%e already mentioned to .ulu )ollins and ,randon Stark that # "asnt 6ikki *o"ard$ ,ut Mr Phillips didnt look "orried$ *e said, /he amnesia story "ill take care of that$ 2nd # reali!ed he "as right$ .ulu and ,randon "ould totally belie%e # had amnesia$ /hey "ere already prepared to belie%e #d been the %ictim of brain"ashing by 2l-<aeda or a spirit transfer$ /heyd belie%e anything$ /hat "asnt "hat # "as "orried about$ -eally "orried about, # mean$ What # "as really "orried about "as $ $ $ "ell, Stark Enterprises$ # mean, they already had my family in an iron grip there "as no "ay "e could s7uirm out of 3 ho" "ere t"o professors e%er going to come up "ith t"o million dollars 8and fines9( ,ut someone "as also tracking 6ikki *o"ards keystrokes on her Stark-issued computer$ Someone "ho hadnt thought 6ikki 3 or # 3 "ould notice$ 2nd # didnt "ant to be paranoid or anything, but # had a pretty good idea "ho that someone "as$ 2nd that "as her employers at Stark Enterprises$ So, yeah$ # didnt "ant to say anything, but that "as concerning me$ Stark Enterprises and their sudden omnipresence in our li%es$ 2nd one other thing$ What had happened to me$ /he me )hristopher had said so long ago looked fine$ So $ $ $ "heres my body( # asked my parents as "e sat "aiting for &r *iggins to come and escort me to the testing lab$ # mean $ $ $ the one # "as born in( # sa" them e'change glances$ /hen Mom said carefully, Well, honey $ $ $ "e had it cremated$ # stared at her in horror$ We had to, she "ent on 7uickly, seeing my e'pression$ We had to ha%e a memorial ser%ice$ We couldnt keep "hat happened to you a secret, thered been papara!!i at the Stark Megastore, follo"ing 6ikki *o"ard around$ /hey got the "hole thing on film 3 it "as on )66 moments after it happened$ E%eryone sa" that plasma screen land on you$ /here "as %irtually nothing else on tele%ision for days 3 it "as a slo" ne"s "eek$ We had to ha%e a ser%ice$ We didnt ha%e any other choice$ 0oull be happy to kno" it "as %ery "ell attended, &ad said, as if this "as supposed to make me feel better$

Stark Enterprises paid for randma to come all the "ay from 4loridaE Suddenly, tears filled my eyes$ randma thinks #m dead( # asked$ 6o more /-shirts "ith Worlds )hristmas$ 6o more birthday cards "ith t"el%e dollars tucked inside$ reatest randchild printed on them for

Well, honey, Mom said, che"ing the inside of her lip$ 0es$ #m sorry$ ,ut you kno" "hat a gossip she is around the pool "here she li%es$ We really couldnt tell her the truth$ # couldnt belie%e it$ #t turned out rumours of my death hadnt been e'aggerated$ # "as dead$ .egally$ Medically$ /echnically$ #n e%ery -ally, really, e'cept the one "ay that mattered; literally$ # "as dead, and # hadnt e%en been able to attend my o"n funeral$ Was anybody from school there( # asked$ 2t my memorial ser%ice, # mean( Of course, &ad said, sounding a little hesitant for some reason$ )hristopher, and his fatherE 6o", for the first time since #d "oken up in 6ikki *o"ards body, # really lost it$ )hristopher( # gasped$ Oh my od$ 0ou mean you didnt tell him( )hristopher thinks #m dead( Mom and &ad e'changed panicky glances$ Suddenly, # "as crying so hard # couldnt e%en see them$ # guess it "asnt any "onder they thought # "as losing it$ # sa" Mom signal &ad to lea%e the room 3 no doubt to search out &r *olcombe and ask him for more of those coma drugs to calm me do"n$ *oney, you kno" "e couldnt tell him the truth, Mom said, coming to sit do"n beside me on the bed and putting her arms around me$ )osabella, "hod been busily grooming herself at my feet, hurried o%er to gi%e me a fe" concerned licks as "ell$ We felt terrible about it, but $ $ $ "ell, you heard "hat Mr Phillips said$ Oh, #d heard "hat Mr Phillips had said, all right$ /hanks to Mr Phillips, the mystery of "hy Emerson Watts, ele%enth-grader, had been sa%ed using the incredibly rare and e'pensi%e lifesa%ing technology of "hole-body transplant had been cleared up$ She hadnt$ Stark Enterprises had used it to sa%e 6ikki *o"ard$ 6ot me$ # kno" its a"ful to say, Mom "ent on as she hugged me, but $ $ $ )hristopher "ill get o%er it$ E%entually$ With time$ *e really "ill$ -get o%er it( # "ailed$ My best friend th-thinks #m dead, only #m not, and # c-cant e%en tell him 3 and you think hell +ust g-get o%er it( 4rida chose that moment to stroll into my room$ *er bro"n eyes "ere practically crackling "ith rage, and her chin "as sticking out 3 sure signs she "anted to ha%e a confrontation "ith me about something$ ,ut she stopped dead in her tracks "hen she sa" that # "as crying$ Whats "ith her( she demanded$ She +ust found out about )hristopher, Mom said, gently rocking me$ 0ou kno", thinking shes dead$ Oh$ 4rida stared at me$ So( &ont "orry about him$ # sa" him in school the other day and he "as fine$ /his +ust made me cry harder$ #t also caused Mom to say, 4rida: Well( 4rida sauntered o%er to "here my tele%isions remote control sat on the bedside table and picked it up, s"itched on the /> and began flipping channels$ #ts true$ *e "as a little upset at first, but hes already o%er it$ # dont kno" "hy youre freaking out$ 0ou said hes not your boyfriend any"ay$ -emember( Mom got up, let go of me and snatched the remote from 4ridas hand in one fluid motion$ May # ha%e a "ord "ith you in the hall"ay, young lady( she asked briskly$ /he t"o of them left the room$ While they "ere gone, # tried to pull myself back together$ # couldnt belie%e ho" selfish #d been, not ha%ing gi%en )hristopher a second thought since #d "oken up$ E'cept for the "hole "ishinghed-been-the-one-kissing-me-instead-of-1ustin-or-,randon thing, # mean$ What could )hristopher ha%e been going through all this time, thinking # "as dead( Was he all right( *o" had

he handled it, those moments after that /> had fallen on me, right in front of him( *e must ha%e been so freaked out$ Who "as he eating lunch "ith no" that # "asnt in school( *e didnt ha%e anyone else to make fun of the Walking &ead "ith, or to play 1ourney7uest "ith, or to "atch surgery sho"s on the &isco%ery *ealth )hannel "ith$ Poor )hristopher: 5nless $ $ $ unless some other girl had snatched him up for herself$ Only "ho( What girl at /2*S 8besides me9 had the sensiti%ity to look past all that long hair and see the potential hottie that lay beneath( What other girl "as fine enough( od$ Surely there had to be one$ She could be sitting do"n ne't to him in the cafeteria right no", complimenting him on his a%oidance of the tuna salad $ $ $ Suddenly 4rida "as back, this time by herself$ She looked sullen$ #m supposed to apologi!e, she said$ *er ga!e "as on )osabella, the no" black tele%ision screen, the "indo" behind me 3 any"here but on my face$ So $ $ $ sorry if "hat # said upset you$ #ts not true any"ay$ )hristophers not fine$ # guess$ ,ut then $ $ $ he "as al"ays so "eird any"ay, its kind of hard to tell$ # had already dried my tears 3 or 6ikkis tears, # guess, although &r *olcombe told me not to think of my ne" body that "ay$ #ts 0O5- body, Emerson, hed said$ 6ot hers$ 6ot any more$ -ight$ # +ust had her name$ *er face$ *er loft$ *er boyfriend8s9$0ou name it$ # dont get it, # said to 4rida$ # still felt like crying e%ery time # thought about )hristopher, and ho" a ne" girl might be getting to play 1ourney7uest 3 or sit around and "atch surgery sho"s 3 "ith him right this %ery minute$ 2lthough truthfully, the allure of surgery sho"s had sort of "aned for me$ ,ut # "as trying to deal "ith it$ 2s &r *olcombe had pointed out, at least # "as ali%e$ Whats eating you( 6othing, 4rida said$ abriel left$ 4or a second # didnt understand "hat she "as talking about$ /hen # remembered ho" shed gone do"nstairs "ith abriel after hed dropped me off$ Oh, # said$ Was that "hat "as eating 4rida( She "as +ealous that #d spent time "ith abriel .una( O=$ *e had to$ 4rida flopped into the chair ne't to my bed$ /hey "ouldnt let him back on the floor$ Well, # said, #m sure hell learn to li%e "ith the disappointment$ od: 4rida glared at me$ 0ou dont e%en care about him, do you( *o" can # care about him( # demanded$ # barely kno" him$ 2nd besides $ $ $ # felt myself flush as # "as about to add, # like )hristopher$ ,ut # couldnt admit this, not e%en to my sister$ 6ot e%en no" that )hristopher thought # "as dead, and # "as in 6ikki *o"ards body, and # had no chance of e%er getting )hristopher to like me$ So # changed it at the last minute to, *e thinks #m 6ikki *o"ard$ So( 4rida shrugged$ 0ou shouldnt be so hard on him$ *es a really nice guy$ *e thinks youre really great$ *o" do you kno" that( # asked her, finding this hard to belie%e, since # had it from the guys o"n lips that he thought # "as a drug addict$ *e told me, of course, 4rida said$ &o"n in the hospital cafeteria$ We split a cinnamon bun$ 0ou kno", one of those ones that are as big as my head( /otally fatty, but #%e been completely off my diet since your accident$ #ts hard to do the no-sugar thing "hen your sister is ha%ing a brain transplant$ So "hat did he rescue you from( # blinked at her$ E'cuse me( 0ou said back in the hall"ay that abriel rescued you$ What from( Oh, # said$ .ulu )ollins and ,randon Stark kidnapped me last night and took me to 6ikki *o"ards loft$ ,ut you cant tell anyone, O=, 4ree( ,ecause # dont "ant to get them into trouE .5.5 )O..#6S( 4rida "as on her feet and shrieking$ 0ou met .ulu )ollins( 2nd ,randon Stark( 2re you kidding me( 0ou hung out "ith them( Where did you go( &id they take you to )a%e( Oh my od, did you get to see 1ustin ,ay( Whoa, # said$ *old on$ 4irst of all, stop yelling$ 2nd second of all, no, it "asnt like thatE Oh my od$ 4rida stopped +umping up and do"n and looked at me, "ide-eyed$ ,randon Stark and 6ikki *o"ard are 3 used to be 3 dating$ #f he thought you "ere 6ikki, he must ha%e 3 did he try to kiss you(

# shook my head$ 6o "ay "as # telling my little sister about ,randons tongue-di%e, let alone "hat had gone on "ith 1ustin 3 or ho" much #d en+oyed both$ Of course not, # said$ *e and .ulu "ere +ust "orried about their friend$ #t really sucks, 4ree$ # mean, that people think #m 6ikki$ 4rida, to my surprise, rolled her eyes$ Oh yes, she said sarcastically$ ,eing mistaken for the "orlds most famous teenage supermodel( #m sure that must suck$ 5m, # said, stung$ 2ctually, yes, it does$ 2nd thanks for telling me "hen # "oke up$ /elling you "hat "hen you "oke up( 4rida cocked her head to ask$ 2bout ho" theyd put my brain in 6ikki *o"ards body, # said, in+ecting as much sarcasm into my %oice as possible$ # appreciate it$ #f # "as concerned 6ikkis %oice "as too high-pitched and babyish for sarcasm to come across, # neednt ha%e "orried$ 4rida looked immediately sheepish$ Oh, she said$ /hat$ 0eah, "ell, # "anted to$ ,ut they told me not to$ /hey told me $ $ $ "ell, they said it might upset you$ /hey "anted to gi%e you time to ad+ust first$ reat, # said, still "orking the sarcasm thing$ Way to "atch my back, sis$ ,ut # sa" that #d gone too far "hen her eyes filled up "ith tears and she said, Em $ $ $ # "as really scared$ # thought $ $ $ these past fe" "eeks # thought "hen you "oke up, you "ouldnt e%en kno" "ho # "as$ /hey told me that youd be $ $ $ you kno"$ 0ourself$ ,ut then #d look at you, lying there, and #d +ust see $ $ $ 6ikki *o"ard$ 2nd # thought, /heres no "ay$ # mean, that youd "ake up and be your old self and be mad at me for trying out for cheer-leadingE 0ou tried out for cheerleading( # yelled$ 2re you insane( &o you kno" "hat Moms going to do to you "hen she finds out( ,ecause #m assuming you ha%ent told her, seeing as ho" youre still ali%e$ ,ut 4rida, instead of looking offended, burst out laughing$ See( she said$ #ts so great that #m hearing that $ $ $ "ell, kind of great, because its still annoying$ #ts +ust so "eird that all that annoying stuff is coming out of 6ikki *o"ard$ # guess its better than ne%er hearing it again, butE *earing "hat again( Mom asked, coming back into my room$ 5m, 4rida said 7uickly$ 6othing$ We "ere +ust talking about $ $ $ clothes$ &ad, follo"ing behind Mom, looked amused$ /hats "hat # like to hear$ /hings sound as if theyre getting back to normal if you t"o are s7uabbling$ ,ut Em "as talking about clothes( Well, 4rida said, looking panicky$ 6o, not e'actly $ $ $ We "ere talking about school, # said 7uickly$ 2nd "hats going to happen no"( # mean, no" that #m going to ha%e to start "orking, and #ll be li%ing at 6ikki *o"ards loft and e%erything, # guess #m going to be "ay too busy for high schoolE On the contrary, young lady, Mom said, something like the old spark # kne" so "ell sho"ing up in her eye, +ust as #d kno"n it "ould, at the suggestion # drop out of school$ 5nder no circumstances "ill you be forsaking your education$ 2bsolutely not, &ad said$ *e looked shocked$ 0ou cant put off college, and certainly not high school$ /heres no long-term financial stability in modelling, like there is in teaching or a career in la" or medicine$ Of course, Mom said, che"ing her lo"er lip$ With your schedule, attending regular school might be hard$ We might ha%e to look into enrolling you into one of those performing arts high schools$ Or maybe getting you tutors$ Perhaps Stark Enterprises could help us "ith that $ $ $ Much as # disliked the idea of us allo"ing Stark Enterprises any more access to our li%es, # shot 4rida a triumphant look$ osh, # said$ ,ut # +ust lo%e /ribeca 2lternati%e so much$ #d really like to be able to keep going there, if # could$ Mom and &ad looked plenty surprised to hear that$ ,ut their surprise "as nothing compared to 4ridas sco"l$ # guess shed thought, "ith me out of the "ay, she could +ust do "hate%er she "anted 3 become a member of the

Walking &ead, try out for cheerleading, maybe e%en start going out "ith an upperclassman$ Well, shed thought "rong$ -eally, honey( Mom looked stunned$ Well, # suppose "e could speak to Mr Phillips$ #m sure Stark Enterprises could arrange something "ith the school$ /heres no reason "hy, if your schedule allo"s it, you shouldnt be able to take some classes there "hen you can$ 0ou may not be able to graduate on time ne't year, but youll still graduate $ $ $ e%entually$ /hatd be great, # said "ith completely false enthusiasm$ 6ikki *o"ard "ould ne%er get into a school "ith academic standards as rigorous as /2*S, 4rida, the e'pert on all things 6ikki *o"ard, chimed in 7uickly$ # mean, technically, age-"ise, # guess shed be a +unior like Em$ ,ut she dropped out of high school her freshman year, "hen she got her first big modelling contract $ $ $ #m sure if Stark Enterprises ga%e a big enough financial gift to the school, they could get her in, &ad said$ #f thats "hat you really "ant to do, Em$ ,ut, like Mom said, there are tutors 3 and other schools "e could try as "ell$ 4rida turned to"ards me eagerly$ 0eah, Em$ See( 0ou dont ha%e to go back to /2*S$ Oh no, # said, gi%ing 4rida the e%il eye$ /2*S is e'actly "here # "ant to go$ 2nd they cant act like they dont ha%e space$ We all kno" theres an opening in the +unior class, dont "e( 2nd my going back there "ould kill t"o birds "ith one stone $ $ $ # could keep "atch o%er 4rida and make sure )hristopher "as O=$ 2nd, O=, it "ouldnt be fair of me to make sure he "asnt dating other girls$ # kne" if # really lo%ed him and all, # "as supposed to set him free$ ,ut $ $ $ "hy should #, "hen # "asnt really gone( 2nd # also kne" # couldnt tell him "ho # really "as, either$ ,ut still$ Maybe "e could become friends, like "e "ere before the accident$ 2nd maybe $ $ $ +ust maybe $ $ $ more than friends$ .ike ,randon and 6ikki "ere more than friends$ Only hopefully neither of us "ould be fooling around behind the others back like those t"o appeared to ha%e been doing$ /he bad thing "ould be that # "ould al"ays kno" something )hristopher didnt kno" $ $ $ that apparently, a lot of famous people 3 because only the super rich 8or people like me, "ho had a massi%e corporation like Stark Enterprises paying for it9 could afford a "hole-body transplant 3 "ho "e%e been told are dead are actually really ali%e, +ust li%ing in a ne" body$ #m not going to name names 8primarily because no one at the Stark #nstitute "ould tell me for sure9, but hints "ere dropped that a lot of famous people 3 some of "hom had been about to be sentenced for crimes like securities fraud, se%eral others of "hom "ere famous musicians long thought to be dead by their adoring fans, and still others of "hom "ere members of certain ,ritish and European royal families 3 "ho supposedly died are actually ali%e and "ell and +ust li%ing in different bodies under assumed identities, "hile their family members go around pretending to this day like theyre all sad about them ha%ing passed a"ay$ ,ut the +okes on us, because they arent dead at all$ #n other "ords, )hristopher and # "ere right all along; there really are Walking &ead$ /he problem( 6o" #m one of them$ 4ifteen

/he press release "ent out the ne't afternoon$ # couldnt go online to oogle 6e"s it of course, since # "as still lacking a computer 8although, gi%en the state of 6ikkis computer, this "as probably +ust as "ell9$ ,ut # sa" it on the running scroll at the bottom of )66, and then again later, on the e%ening ne"s$ /hen, ne't thing # kne", it "as the lead story on all the entertainment ne"s sho"s$ #t turns out =elly, 6ikkis publicist, didnt mess around "hen it came to her most popular client$ /he fashion and beauty industry breathed a collecti%e sigh of relief this e%ening "hen a statement "as issued from representati%es of 6ikki *o"ard, chimed Entertainment /onight, as photos of 6ikki *o"ard flashed up on the screen, assuring her fans that the teen supermodel "ould be back at "ork this "eek after a month-long absence from the cat"alk and the 6e" 0ork )ity club scene$ 4ashionistas "orld"ide ha%e been alarmed by reports that 6ikki "as suffering from e'haustion and hypoglycaemia, "hich are said to ha%e been responsible for that no" famous fall she took at a Stark Megastore grand opening last month, gi%ing her concussion and a bona fide case of amnesia $ $ $ /he ne't photo to flash across the screen "as one that caused me almost to choke on the bag of Wasabi Peas 4rida had smuggled in for me at my re7uest, and "hich #d been inhaling 8yes, # kno"$ # used to hate them$ 6o" # lo%e them$ &r *olcombe says its normal for patients to find themsel%es "ith tastes 7uite unlike the ones they used to ha%e in their pre%ious bodies9$ #t "as a grainy cellphone photo of me 8"ell, of 6ikki *o"ard9 on the back of abriel .unas green >espa$ ,oth of us "ere looking back at the photographer "ith slightly alarmed e'pressions on our faces 3 though # dont remember anyone taking my picture that day$ /he alarmed e'pressions "ere due to the fact that "e "ere being pursued by a herd of stampeding fourthgraders$ ,ut of course it looked as if "e "ere upset o%er the fact that "e "ere being photographed together$ 2 fact the tele%ision ne"s +ournalists "ere only too 7uick to point out$ Perhaps amnesia is the e'cuse 6ikki "ill gi%e on-again, off-again boyfriend ,randon Stark for this photo snapped yesterday of the model taking a +oyride on a motorbike belonging to hot ne" ,ritish singing sensation abriel .una$ /he pair met at the same So*o Stark Megastore opening at "hich 6ikki suffered the fainting spell responsible for her head in+ury, and at "hich a young fan "as killed during a melee caused by E.4 protesters$ # "aited in horror for the reporter to sho" a picture of me 3 the old me$ ,ut # should ha%e kno"n they "ouldnt$ # "as yesterdays ne"s $ $ $ if #d e%er e%en been ne"s at all$ Why report about a girl being killed by a falling /> "hen you could sho" pictures of 6ikki *o"ard on red carpets "ith her dress slit up to her belly button( -epresentati%es for both *o"ard and .una had no comments on the photo$ ,ut perhaps 6ikki can tell ,randon she +ust MforgotN that she already had a boyfriend $ $ $ Oh my od$ # couldnt belie%e it$ # could barely breathe, # "as so upset$ ,ut the story didnt e%en end there$ Stark Enterprises founder and )EO -obert Stark has issued a statement, the reporter "ent on, e'pressing get "ell "ishes for *o"ard 3 "hom many refer to as the 4ace of Stark 3 /he camera panned to"ards an older, craggy-faced %ersion of ,randon Stark 3 his father, dressed casually in an open-collared shirt, "ho said, We here at Stark Enterprises respectfully re7uest that the press, during this period of reco%ery for 6ikki, afford her the pri%acy she needs$ 4or the ne't fe" "eeks at least, 6ikki "ill be spending slightly less time in the limelight$ She e%en told me shes considering going back to school 3 he grinned as this statement pro%oked chuckles from the press corps, as if the idea of 6ikki *o"ard attempting to get her high-school degree "as the funniest thing in the "orld 3 a decision "e here at Stark Enterprises are behind one hundred per cent$ What( #d ne%er told -obert Stark any such thing$ #d ne%er e%en met the guy$ 2nd great$ My o"n boss 3 "ell, 6ikkis boss any"ay 3 thinks shes too stupid to make it through high school$ 6ice$ /hanks for the support$ *e probably thinks that because hes been reading her emails$ ,ut high+inks like this, the reporter "ent on to say, flashing the photo of me on the back of scooter on to the screen again, may +ust get this model student detention: abriels motor

/hen a ne" reporter came on to talk about the current celebrity-di%orce scandal$ # couldnt belie%e it$ # couldnt belie%e one of those schoolgirls had snapped a photo of me and abriel $ $ $ and sold it: Was this "hat my life "as going to be like from no" on( ,eing stalked by papara!!i, my most innocent acti%ities being spread all o%er the tabloids( # "as so busy staring at the tele%ision screen abo%e my bed in horror, # didnt e%en see the person "ho came into my room a minute later$ 6ikki( /he eyes looking out at me o%er the top of the surgeons mask "ere huge $ $ $ and not +ust because they "ere rimmed in black kohl$ .ulu )ollins had snuck on to my floor again$ /his time shed added to her ingenious disguise by carrying around a medical clipboard$ # kno"$ /he mind boggles$ Well, it "as late, and most of the staff 3 including my father, "hose turn it "as to spend the night at my bedside 3 "ere gathered in the lounge, "atching some kind of sporting e%ent$ # didnt kno" "hich one, because # couldnt ha%e cared less$ So it hadnt been hard for .ulu to slip past the security guards posted at the doors$ Especially in her current ensemble$ *i, .ulu, # said a little glumly$ 0ou remember me( .ulu lo"ered the mask, her face breaking out into an enormous smile$ Oh, 6ikki $ $ $ "hen they said you had amnesia, # kne" they "ere making it up$ 6o, # said 7uickly$ Sorry, .ulu$ # really $ $ $ # mean, # +ust kno" you from before$ -emember( When you kidnapped me( 2re you sure( .ulu asked, her tiny shoulders sagging$ #ts +ust $ $ $ "ell, # sa" the thing on /> and # started thinking, you kno", maybe you guys had s"apped back$ 0ou and that Em girl$ ,ecause hopping on to the back of that guys scooter( /hat "as such a totally 6ikki thing to do$ ,randon is soooo mad: # paused$ ,randon( 2ngry( 2t me( Well, sure, .ulu said, coming o%er to plop herself do"n at the side of my bed$ # mean, # dont kno" "here ,randon gets off thinking its O= for him to dance "ith "hoe%er he "ants all night long, but not O= for you to get a ride on some other guys >espa$ /hats a total, like, "hadduyacallit$ &ouble standard( # offered$ 0eah, # guess$ ,ut any"ay$ When # sa" the picture, # got totally e'cited$ # thought maybe you "ere back$ # mean, that 6ikki "as back$ /he real 6ikki$ )osabella is missing too, so # thought maybe youd come home and taken her E .ulu, # said, )osabellas here$ # pushed back my sheets to re%eal the ball of fluff sleeping at my side$ #m sorry$ ,ack at your place yesterday morning, she "as crying, and $ $ $ "ell, # +ust didnt ha%e the heart to lea%e her behind$ Oh$ .ulus %oice sounded small$ O=$ 6o, thats good$ )osy did miss you$ # mean, 6ikki$ # mean $ $ $ Oh, # dont kno" "hat # mean$ So # guess that "as you on the back of that guys bike( 6ot $ $ $ the real 6ikki( 0eah, # said$ /hat "as me$ .isten, .ulu$ 2bout the "hole spirit-transfer thing $ $ $ 0eah( .ulu sounded congested$ *ad she been crying( # had no time to "orry about her tears no"$ 2ny minute, my dad or one of the nurses 3 or "orse, &r *olcombe himself 3 might come into my room and figure out "ho # "as talking to$ 2nd someho" # didnt suspect any of them "ould be %ery thrilled$ 2ll their talk of fines and +ail time 3 "ell, Stark Enterprises seemed dead serious about keeping this thing a secret$ 2nd # didnt "ant .ulu to get into trouble$ #n spite of "hat a space case she "as, she still seemed really s"eet$ .ulu, # said, there "as no spirit transfer$ #t turns out #, um, hit my head$ 2nd no" # ha%e amnesia$ So thats "hy # didnt remember you$ Or ,randon$ Silence$ .ulu stared at me "ith eyes as "ide as a Precious Moment figurines$ /hen she let out a slurpy, 6o "ay$

5m, # said$ 0eah$ /hats "hat happened$ E%erything they%e been saying on the ne"s$ #ts true$ # dont belie%e you, .ulu said$ Or the ne"s$ # kno" thats "hat =elly is going around saying no"$ ,ut its not true$ .ulu, # said, feeling desperate$ # had to make her belie%e me$ # couldnt risk ha%ing my parents pay t"o million dollars$ Or, rather, file for bankruptcy, since they didnt ha%e t"o million dollars, it is true$ Why dont you belie%e me( ,ecause e%en if she had amnesia, .ulu said, 6ikki "ould ne%er do that to her nails$ 2nd she reached out and grabbed my hand$ # looked do"n, follo"ing the direction of her ga!e, and sa" "hat she meant$ &uring that meeting "ith &r *olcombe and Mr Phillips, #d bitten off all the carefully manicured tips until they "ere ragged $ $ $ +ust like my old nails had been$ 6ikki "ould ne%er, e%er do something to hurt her body or make herself ugly, .ulu "ent on, sounding almost sa%age in her con%iction that "hat she "as saying "as true$ So # dont kno" "ho you really are $ $ $ but you arent 6ikki$ So dont e%en try "ith the amnesia thing$ #t might "ork "ith e%eryone else$ ,ut # "as 6ikkis best friend$ # kno" e%erything about her$ 2nd # kno" she "ould ne%er, e%er do that$ # stared at her and the grim set of her tiny little mouth$ .ulu didnt kno" e%erything about her alleged best friend 6ikki$ She didnt, for instance, kno" that her best friend 6ikki had been fooling around behind her back "ith .ulus boyfriend, 1ustin$ ,ut o%er my dead body 3 literally 3 "as # e%er going to let .ulu kno" about that$ Still, .ulu deser%ed the truth 3 "hat truth # could tell her "ithout hurting her 3 if anyone did$ 2nd so # said, O=, .ulu$ 0oure right$ #m not really 6ikki *o"ard$ /he truth is, the doctors here stuck Emerson Wattss brain into 6ikki *o"ards body$ 2nd #m not supposed to tell anyone, or my parents "ill o"e t"o million dollars 3 "hich they dont ha%e 3 to Stark Enterprises, "ho paid for the "hole thing, # guess to keep their spokesmodel ali%e after 6ikki suffered a fatal aneurysm that day at the Megastore opening$ .ulu blinked back at me$ Once$ /"ice$ /hen she burst out laughing$ 0eah, right, she said$ ood one: # blinked back at her$ # kno", # said$ #t sounds like a made-for-/> mo%ie or something$ ,ut you kno", they ha%e this ne" 6ikki *o"ard beauty and clothing line coming out, and # guess they spent a lot of money on it or something, and they "ant me to pretend to be her so they can keep onE -ight: .ulu interrupted$ She "as practically rolling off the bed, she "as laughing so hard$ .ike if they "ere really going to do something like that, theyd pick someone as clueless as you are to take her place: She reached up to "ipe a"ay tears of laughter$ 5m, no offence or anything$ #m sure youre nice$ ,ut 6ikkis +ob is really hard$ # mean, do you e%en ha%e any modelling e'perience( # tried not to laugh$ # mean, at the 6ikkis +ob is really hard part$ 6o, # said drily$ ,ut # think #m going to be able to handle it$ Oh, right, .ulu said again, laughing e%en harder$ &o you e%en kno" "hat a Manolo tip is( Well, # said, thinking back to all those copies of )OSMOgirl: 4rida left lying around, a Manolo is a type of shoe, right( .ulu made a delighted noise$ Oh od, she cried$ # cant belie%e this$ /his is going to be great: 6ikkis going to laugh her ass off "hen she hears about this$ 0ou kno" youre not going to last a minute out there, dont you( Well, # said, slightly stung, thats "hy they made up the amnesia story$ So if # scre" up, "e can blame it on that$ Why( What is a Manolo tip( ,ut .ulu ignored the 7uestion$ od, she said, this is hilarious$ # cant "ait to tell ,randonE

6o, # cried, reaching out to grasp her spool-thin "rist$ .ulu$ 0ou cant$ # told you$ #ts a secret$ # mean, #m going to be coming to li%e "ith you 3 in 6ikkis place 3 and e%erything$ Were going to be room-mates 3 or loft-mates or "hate%er$ ,ut seriously$ 0ou cant tell anyone$ Or my parents "ill get into big trouble$ She stared at me, suddenly serious$ O=, she said gently$ O=, 6ik 3 or "hate%er your name is$ .isten 3 she s"ung her tiny feet, in four-inch stilettos, abo%e the floor 3 &o you "ant me to call ,liss( ,ecause # could totally set up an appointment for you "ith an emergency-nail-repair technician$ 6o, # said$ /hats O=$ .isten, .ulu$ When # "as at your place 3 our place 3 # noticed something about 6ikkis computer$ .ulu looked instantly bored$ She studied her cuticles$ 0eah( What( Someones spying on 6ikkis emails, # said$ ,asically anything she types or looks up on it$ #n real time, from a remote location$ &o you ha%e any idea "hod do that( 6o, .ulu said$ /hats a brand-ne" computer$ Mr Stark ga%e it to her$ *e ga%e me one too$ /heyre pink$ 0es, # said$ # kno" its pink$ Mr Stark ga%e you one too( 5h-huh$ /heyre the ne"est models from Stark Enterprises$ Or something$ .ulu ble" a bubble, then skilfully popped it$ What do you mean, spying on 6ikkis emails( #t "as at that moment that one of the nurses came in, holding my patient chart$ Er, hello, she said "hen she sa" .ulu perched on the end of my bed$ &o # kno" you( Oh, no, came .ulus airy reply as she hopped off my bed and glanced busily do"n at her o"n 8stolen9 chart$ 1ust making rounds$ 0ou kno"$ /he nurse, "ho "as clearly no ones fool 3 perhaps recogni!ing that most nurses "ore )rocs, not stilettos 3 narro"ed her eyes$ E'cuse me, she said, but "heres your pass for this floor( Oops, theres my beeper, .ulu said$ otta go, bye: She scooted out of the room "hile the nurse rushed after her, crying, Wait: 0ou, there: # totally hoped she escaped$ #t "as "eird$ #f someone had asked me +ust a month ago "hat # thought about .ulu )ollins, #d ha%e replied that # thought she "as another shallo" celebrity, obsessed "ith clothes and partying$ 2nd # still think that about her$ E'cept $ $ $ # think #m starting to like her$ So "hat does that say about me( Si'teen

2nd the ne't thing # kne", # "as being released$ # guess # shouldnt ha%e been surprised $ $ $ that they "ere releasing me, # mean$ /heyd completed e%ery test under the sun that they could concei%ably do on me$ /he strangest part "as that, "ell $ $ $ #d passed them all$ 2nd these "ere mainly physical tests$ .ets +ust say that #%e ne%er performed "ell in tests of my physical endurance$ #%e ne%er e'actly aced PE$ #%e al"ays been the last person chosen for teams in %olleyball and basketball$ #%e al"ays made a point to play outfield in softball, so that in the unlikely e%ent a ball e%er did come my "ay, # had plenty of room to get out of the "ay$ # "as crafty about coming up "ith e'cuses as to "hy # had to sit out from bo"ling or s"imming or e%en -ollerblading$ #%e +ust ne%er liked physical e'ertion$ # prefer reading$ Or playing %ideo games$ So naturally some of the results from my tests astonished e%en me$ # mean, # "as re7uired to run on a treadmill for ten minutes straight 3 and # could actually do it $ $ $ e%en after ha%ing been in a coma for o%er a month: #n my old body, # "ouldnt ha%e lasted more than a minute, maybe t"o, at a slo" +og$ #d ha%e hyper%entilated, or "orse$ 6ikki *o"ard, ho"e%er, had kept her body in superb condition$ #t "asnt actually hard to see "hy, since fattening foods upset her stomach, and anything processed seemed to taste like chalk on her tongue, forcing me to radically alter my former diet of chips and s"eets in fa%our of healthy stuff # "ouldnt ha%e touched before in a million years, like fish and %egetables$ Which my ne" stomach found comforting and my ne" tongue found delicious$ # kno"$ # "as kind of depressed about it too$ /he thing "as, 6ikki could run, s"im, e%en +ump rope for up to half an hour at a time before e%en starting to feel tired$ Whats more, in her body, it "as e%en pleasurable to do these things$ 4or the first time, # got "hat they meant "hen they talked in PE about runners high$ # felt OO& after e'ercising$ 4inally, # got it $ $ $ about the "hole e'ercise-being-fun thing$ /oo bad #d had to get a "hole ne" body before # did so$ Once #d passed all the tests &r *olcombe sent &r *iggins to do on me, he signed my release papers and said # could go home $ $ $ but that # "ould of course need to come in for more tests from time to time, as "ell as periodic check-ups$ E%en though #d been unconscious during most of my stay "ith them, the staff lined up to say goodbye to me on my "ay out $ $ $ only # had to lea%e do"n the ser%ice ele%ator of course, because once 6ikkis publicist, =elly 3 "ho had arri%ed to pick me up and take me to my first assignment, a photo op "ith -obert Stark himself, to sho" the "orld that 6ikki *o"ard might ha%e amnesia, but she "as fine: 1ust fine: 3 had issued her press release about 6ikki *o"ards amnesia, the front lobby to the hospital had been +ammed "ith press, eager to get a shot of 6ikki lea%ing the place$ # shook hands "ith &r *olcombe, &r *iggins and the rest of the doctors and nurses and orderlies "ho had cared for me$ &r *iggins and a fe" of the nurses broke protocol and hugged me, accidentally s7uashing )osabella a little in the process, then laughing about it$ # stopped laughing "hen it came time to hug Mom and &ad goodbye though$ ,ecause they "ere not taking the "hole letting-their-baby-go-e%en-though-they-had-no-choice-in-the-matter thing "ell$ #n fact, they had already insisted on issuing me a Stark-brand cellphone, on "hich # "as to check in "ith them three times a day 8and on "hich theyd be calling me appro'imately e%ery fi%e minutes, +udging from the look on Moms face9$ /hey "erent the only ones "ho "ere "orried$ #d ne%er li%ed a"ay from them 3 e'cept for a fe" "eeks each summer, "hen 4rida and # had "orked as counsellors at sleep-a"ay camp$ # "as trying to put on a bra%e face about it, but # "as basically terrified 3 and also the tiniest bit angry$ # kno" they hadnt had any choice and all, but really $ $ $ 2 supermodel( 4or Stark Enterprises( 4rida # "asnt so "orried about missing$ She and # had already shared a special moment alone in my hospital room "hile #d been packing my 8admittedly fe"9 things to lea%e$ od, shed said$ # cant belie%e you had 6ikki *o"ards entire closet to choose from, and "hat you%e got on is "hat you picked$ /hose Skechers are so pathetic$ #f you "ear them to school, #m going to die of embarrassment$

4rida, #d snapped, particularly stung by her tone, because # "as already so "orried about e%erything else$ 6o one kno"s #m e%en related to you any more, O=( So you dont ha%e to "orry$ 2nd could you gi%e me a small break( #m stressed enough as it is, # dont need you ragging on me about my fashion choices$ Oh, please tell me again, 4rida had mock-begged, about ho" you dont kno" ho" to handle it because youre so beautiful no" $ $ $ What # dont kno" ho" to handle, #d said, through gritted teeth, is the fact that my o"n sister tried out for cheerleading$ # didnt +ust try out for cheerleading, 4rida had bragged$ # made the s7uad$ #d gaped at her$ # go into a coma for a month, and my o"n sister becomes a member of the Walking &ead 8only not literally, like me9( *er assimilation "as almost complete: She "as +ust one spray-tan a"ay: 6o, #d said, refusing to look at her$ 0oure +ust saying that to get a rise out of me$ # dont belie%e you$ ,elie%e it, 4rida had informed me$ 1ust because you hate our school and ha%e !ero school spirit, Em, doesnt mean # do$ 2nd dont think your sho"ing up there as 6ikki *o"ard is going to intimidate me$ ,ecause its done$ #m on the s7uad$ 4rida$ # hadnt kno"n ho" to e'plain it to her $ $ $ especially since Mom had already tried so many times, and e%idently failed$ )heerleading is $ $ $ "ell, its e%il$ )heerleading is a SPO-/, Em, 4rida had shot back$ #f # "anted to try out for the basketball team, "ould you be gi%ing me a hard time( Well, #d admitted, no$ ,ecause you dont ha%e to "ear a skirt and *2./E- /OP "hen you play it$ .ook, # ha%e ne"s for you, Em$ 4rida had looked more serious than #d e%er seen her$ )heerleading is something #%e been "anting to try for my "hole life$ # "as really lucky to make the team $ $ $ e%en if its only 1> 3 and # dont intend to let you or Mom spoil it$ # kno" #m not pretty and little like the other girls on the s7uad $ $ $ # kno" they only let me on because #m a good spotter and # can hold up my end of a pyramid$ # cant do a back handspring or e%en that great a cart"heel$ ,ut #m going to "ork hard, and take /2*S to the tumbling championships this year$ 2nd then both you and Mom "ill be sorry you looked do"n on something that brings so much pleasure to so many people$ Especially me$ #d +ust stared at her$ 5ntil shed added, 2nd if #m not mistaken, in some of the ad campaigns 6ikki *o"ards contracted for, and that youre going to be doing no", youre going to be "earing a lot less than a halter top 3 hello, >ictorias Secret model$ 2nd you can "alk in there and tell the art director ho" se'ist his ad campaign is, but guess "hat( /heyll +ust hire some other girl to replace you$ So you better get o%er yourself$ 2t "hich point shed turned on her heel and stalked from my room, right past Mom and &ad$ Whats eating her( &ad had "anted to kno"$ ,ut # hadnt told him$ # had bigger things to "orry about than 4rida 3 "ho had lately more than pro%ed she could take care of herself 3 +ust then$ # "as minutes a"ay from officially starting my ne" life as 6ikki *o"ard on the outside, and Em Watts on the inside$ # hadnt e'actly been gi%en any guidelines of course, as to +ust ho" # "as supposed to accomplish this$ &r *olcombe and his team "ere scientists, not social "orkers, and they had no idea "hat to tell me about being 6ikki *o"ard$ /heir +ob "as o%er; # "as ali%e$ ranted, # "as li%ing someone elses life$ ,ut "hat # did "ith that life, apparently, "as up to me $ $ $ and Stark Enterprises$ Still, # "as really, really hoping that # "ouldnt scre" it up for my family$ 2nd myself$ Standing in front of Mom, &ad and 4rida no", # "iped the ner%ous s"eat off my hands 3 )osabellas fur "as pro%ing e'cellent for this 3 and said a"k"ardly, Well$ So$ #ll come by as soon as # ha%e a night off$ /he truth "as, # didnt "ant to commit to a particular night for dinner "ith my parents in front of Mr Phillips, "ho "as standing right there, "atching$ # figured Stark Enterprises kne" enough about my personal business$ ,ut Mom didnt catch on$ # probably should ha%e +ust told my parents about 6ikkis computer$ ,ut the truth is theyre both so untech sa%%y, theyd probably think spy"are is something you eat "ith$ 4riday for sure, no e'cuses, Mom said firmly, standing on tiptoe to kiss my cheek$ Shed ne%er had to stand on tiptoe to kiss me before$ Well go to Peking &uck *ouse on Mott Street$ /hat "as al"ays your fa%ourite$

# rolled my eyes in Mr Phillipss direction$ *e "as tapping on his ,lackberry$ #nteresting that he didnt carry a Stark-brand handheld personal organi!er$ Maybe, # said$ #ll call you$ ,ut not on this Stark-brand cellphone # "ouldnt$ 4riday, &ad said, gi%ing me a s7uee!e that caused )osabella to grunt in protest as she "as s7uashed$ 0ou heard your mother$ )all us as soon as you get there, Mom said, fussing "ith my +acket$ # "ish you had a "armer coat than this$ # should ha%e brought you something from home$ Mom, # said$ Surely 6ikki has "armer coats than this, she said, picking at the slim +acket #d plucked from 6ikkis closet$ Promise youll find something "armer to "ear tomorro"$ Mom, # said$ #ts 6o%ember, Mom said$ *ere, take my scarf at least$ She "rapped her scarf around my neck$ Mom, # said as she t"ined the "oolly scarf around my neck tightly enough to strangle me$ #m +ust getting straight into a limo and then out again "hen # get there, # dont needE &ont forget to call, Mom said, hugging me again$ /hen she let me go as suddenly as if shed had to force herself$ ,oth )osabella and # felt a little bruised by the time "e got to 4rida, to "hom # said a"k"ardly, So$ See you in school tomorro"( Mr Phillips had succeeded in securing me a place at /ribeca 2lternati%e, and #d gotten permission to start there "hene%er my schedule permitted$ Which # "as hoping "as going to be tomorro"$ 4rida shrugged$ 0eah$ Whate%er, she said$ We ga%e one another "ary pats on the back 3 although hers "as more on my "aist because she "as so much shorter than # "as 3 and then # turned around, barely able to see due to the sudden tears in my eyes$ # think it "as the scarf that did it$ /hats "hen a red-headed "oman in a bright green skirt suit, "ith one of those headsets in her ears, stepped for"ard and, escorted by t"o armed security guards, took me by the arm and began steering me into the ele%ator, going, 0eah, yeah, "e got her, into the mouthpiece$ Were on our "ay$ E/2 to Stark )orporate, fifteen minutes$ One of the security guards stabbed the , button for basement, and then, as the ele%ator doors slid shut on the tearfully smiling faces of my family, the "oman in the green skirt suit turned to me and said, s"itching off her Stark-brand headset and smiling in a %ery fake "ay, 6ikki, darling$ She smelt of e'pensi%e perfume$ #m so glad youre feeling better$ # "as so "orried: Oh, right, # forgot, you dont remember me$ =elly 4oster-4ielding$ She held out her hand to shake mine in a grip so firm # thought my o"n "ould be crushed$ #m your publicist$ *o" are you feeling, honey( # blinked at her$ &id she really not kno", or "as this a put-on for the security guards( &id Stark Enterprises not tell her( # mean, that # "asnt really 6ikki *o"ard( ,ut =elly didnt e%en "ait for a response from me$ #nstead, she "hipped a ,lackberry from her o%ersi!ed tote and, pressing buttons on it so 7uickly her thumbs "ere a blur, "ent, #ll be trying to gi%e you a little breathing room this "eek so you can ease back "ithout getting completely slammed 3 and # get the school thing, # really do 3 but there are a fe" people # ha%ent been able to put off$ )OSMO "ants you for its 1anuary co%er and "ont take no for an ans"er$ #m telling you, 6ik, this amnesia thing is pure gold, since they "ant to do a piece on you too$ ,ut #m not promising them anything, because #%e also got re7uests for both co%ers and pieces from >ogue, Elle and People 3 "ell, "e can scratch People, # dont kno" "ho they think you are, an 2merican #dol "inner( ,ut this is the big ne"s; .arry =ing$ -ight( 0ou and .arry, dishing the dirt( #m trying to put them off until you%e actually got something to hock$ #ts a complete "aste other"ise$ .isten, #m fielding offers from three publishers for a book deal $ $ $ a roman-O-clef, tell-all, ho"-#-o%ercame-losing-my-identity $ $ $ "hate%er you "ant, they dont care$ /heyll hire a ghost"riter, all you ha%e to do is let them slap your photo on the co%er 3 /he ele%ator doors slid open and, taking my arm again, =elly dragged me 7uickly to"ards the "aiting ink-black stretch limo, "hile both the security guards flanked us$ Wed barely gone t"o feet before half a do!en papara!!i leaped out from the shado"s and, shouting 6ikkis name, began to snap pictures of me, their long telephoto lenses so close they "ould ha%e +abbed me in the eye if the security guards, saying calmly, 2ll right, guys, let the ladies through, hadnt sho%ed them out of the "ay and guided us into the "aiting car$ Once "e "ere safely inside the cool leather interior of the limo, and the door had been shut behind us and the car

"as on its "ay, =elly "ent on, as if she hadnt e%en been interrupted, 2ny"ay, all of this is great ne"s$ #f "e can time the release of the book so it coincides "ith the release of the ne" clothing and beauty lines 3 sister, you cant P20 for that kind of publicity$ 2nd theyll be paying 5S: Oh, and of course all the usual places "ant you; the morning ne"s sho"s and Ellen and Oprah and /he >ie" and so on$ #m holding them off as best # can, but youre going to ha%e to do one of them 3 #, mean"hile, "as collapsed against the seat opposite her, completely stunned by the incident that had +ust taken place, )osabella clutched to my chest, her little heart fluttering against mine$ # didnt kno" "hich had shocked me more 3 the papara!!i, "hat =elly had +ust said, or the fact that ,randon Stark "as sitting across from me, his arms folded o%er his chest$ *e appeared to be fuming about something, if the curl of his lip "as any indication$ 5m, # said tentati%ely$ *i( *e looked pointedly a"ay$ =elly, mean"hile, continued her rapid-fire speech, "hich # could barely follo"$ #n her mid-to-late thirties, "ith her bright red hair cut into a pageboy that perfectly framed her pale, e'pertly made-up face, she seemed as put together as any "oman # had e%er seen$ /here "asnt so much as a single snag in her misty black tights, and the heels of her patent-leather pumps had to be four inches at least$ # had no idea ho" she "alked, let alone ho" shed run from the photographers back there$ #ll admit, Oprahs not e'actly your target demographic, =elly "ent on$ ,ut it cant hurt$ 6Pmco%Q did it after that "hole tsunami business, if thats ho" "e "ant to model this$ ,ut it doesnt matter, because 3 big ne"s$ 2re you ready for this( Sports #llustrated called$ # could tell by the "ay shed said it that # "as supposed to react someho"$ ,ut # didnt kno" "hat to say$ # hate Sports #llustrated$ #ts all about $ $ $ "ell, sports$ /hats great, # said$ Wo"$ /his modelling thing "as going to be a bit harder than #d thought$ -ight( 6ikki: =elly looked as if she "as about to thro" her ,lackberry at me$ 0ou%e only been after me for t"o years to get you S#$ Well, they finally called$ 2nd they "ant you$ 4or the ne't s"imsuit issue$ )ould you &#E( She accompanied the "ord &#E "ith a sho%e to my shoulder$ # slumped o%er on to the seat$ What # really "anted to say "as, 2ctually, yeah$ # could die$ #n fact, # already did$ ,ut "hat # said instead "as, Wo"$ /hats great$ /hanks$ =elly looked at me for a full second$ /hen she "ent, 0ou could summon up a little bit more e'citement for me, couldnt you( 1ust a little bit( #ts S#, honey$ /heres a chance you could end up on the co%er$ #n fact, # kno" you "ill$ # can feel it in my bones 3 ,randon, no, no more -ed ,ull, youre cranky enough$ ,randon slammed the limos refrigerator door and sank back into his seat, looking churlish$ So( =elly looked at me e'pectantly$ 2rent you e'cited( #m super e'cited, # said$ /hough the truth "as, all # felt "as a gro"ing dread$ So $ $ $ #m going to ha%e to pose for this in a bathing suit( 2 bathing suit$ =elly laughed$ od, you really do ha%e amnesia$ #ts called a s"imsuit, honey$ O=( 2nd, oh my od, "hat ha%e you done to your nails( She sei!ed both my hands and sat there looking do"n in horror at my fingernails$ Or # guess # should say 6ikki *o"ards fingernails, "hich #d bitten do"n almost to the 7uick$ # 3 # guess # bit them a little, # said in a small %oice$ 2 little( /he ne't thing # kne", =elly had flung my hands back into my lap and put her headpiece back on$ 0es, &oreen( *i, its =elly$ Were going to need some emergency nail tips$ 0es, # kno" its last minute, but "hat am # supposed to do, # +ust sa" them$ *ideous$ 6o, # kno" shes ne%er had problems before, but "ere dealing "ith a "hole ne" ball game here$ 0ou "ould not belie%e $ $ $ great$ See you then, hon$ =elly hung up, then looked at me in a %ery disappro%ing "ay$ 0oure only hurting yourself, 6ik, she said to me, shaking her head$ 0oure only hurting yourself$ #ne'plicably, my eyes filled up "ith tears$ # kno": # "as crying, o%er 4#6 E-62#.S$ #m sorry, # said$ #m really sorry$ ,ut # dont understand anything$ # thought # "as going to a photo shoot$ What do my fingernails ha%e to do "ith anything(

0oure going to take part in a photo shoot "ith Mr Stark, =elly said sharply$ 4or a profile >anity 4air is doing on him$ 0oure the face of the ne" Stark 3 the young, %ibrant Stark 3 so of course he "ants you in the shoot$ 0ou and ,randon, of course$ ,randons sco"l had, if anything, only deepened at the sight of my tears$ ,ut, # said$ # couldnt belie%e # "as crying$ # really couldnt$ # dont cry$ # mean, e'cept o%er important things, like )hristopher thinking #m dead$ /his "hole time, through this "hole thing, #d ne%er once cried $ $ $ e'cept about )hristopher$ 6ot o%er the loss of my former body$ 6ot o%er the loss of my former life$ 6ot e%en o%er the loss of my former self$ ,ecause up until that moment, # hadnt felt as if #d lost my former self$ 2ll it took, apparently, "as one publicist yelling at me about my fingernails, ho"e%er, to make me reali!e ho" %ery, %ery lost my former self really "as$ #t "asnt +ust the fingernails of course$ Part of it "as "hat had happened +ust before the fingernail abuse$ /he "hole thing "here #d had to say goodbye to my parents, and ho" #d left things "ith my sister 3 "hy hadnt # +ust been more supporti%e about the cheerleader thing( #n retrospect, it "asnt that big a deal$ Maybe cheerleading is a sport$ /hey ha%e gymnastics in the Olympics after all 3 and then #d come out of the hospital and been besieged by photographers, all screaming someone elses name, but pointing their cameras at me, and gotten into a limo "ith a guy "ho couldnt ha%e been meaner to me and a publicist "ho seemed to think e%erything # did and said "as "rong $ $ $ /his photo shoot "as going to be a disaster$ # could already tell$ # cant do this, # said, trying to hold back my tears$ # didnt mean # couldnt do the 6ikki *o"ard thing$ Ob%iously # couldnt do that$ 2nd # definitely couldnt do this, "hat =elly "anted me to do$ ,ecause suddenly, #d remembered something$ Something really important$ 2nd that "as .ulu asking me if # kne" "hat a Manolo tip "as$ 2nd # reali!ed # didnt$ # had no idea$ Modelling, easy( *o" could # ha%e been so arrogant( Why hadnt # read 4ridas issues of )OSMOgirl: more carefully( # 3 # dont remember ho" to do this: # "ailed$ Well, youd better damned "ell remember ho", =elly said in a hard %oice$ ,ecause your future is riding on it$ 6ot to mention mine $ $ $ and about thirty make-up artists, stylists, art directors, photographers, lighting technicians and personal assistants, all of "hom are "aiting for you $ $ $ and thats not including "hoe%er theyre bringing in to cater$ 0oud better get o%er "hate%er it is youre going through, missy$ Peoples +obs are depending on it$ We%e been plenty patient this past month "hile you%e been going through "hate%er it is you%e been going through, but its time to get back to "ork$ ,randon, # told you, you lea%e that -ed ,ull alone$ 0ou kno" ho" you get$ Were here, ,randon said, pointing out of the "indo"$ 2nd "e%e got company$ =elly turned her head to look out of the "indo"$ /hen she s"ore, and turned on her Stark-brand headpiece$ 0eah, -ico( she barked$ et security outside RDC Madison$ We%e got protestors$ 2gain$ # had no idea "hat she and ,randon "ere talking about$ /he truth "as, # didnt really care$ # "as still trying to absorb "hat =elly had +ust told me$ #d had no idea so many people depended on 6ikki *o"ard for their li%elihood$ Sure, #d kno"n it "as important to Stark Enterprises that she continue as the 4ace of Stark$ ,ut # hadnt e%en begun to comprehend +ust "hat that entailed$ 5ntil no"$ /"o million dollars( /hat "as ho" much theyd paid for my brain transplant to keep 6ikki ali%e( # "as starting to think theyd gotten off cheap $ $ $ /hen =elly "as saying, o$ o, go, go, go, and she "as sho%ing me out of the limo $ $ $ $ $ $ and into the arms of a "aiting security guard, "ho "as trying to shield me from the hordes of protestors gathered in front of the entrance to the massi%e Madison 2%enue skyscraper "ed +ust pulled up in front of$ *ey, # heard someone scream its her: 2 second later, my shoulder "as sei!ed and # "as spun around to face a "oman holding a sign on a stick that

said, Stark Enterprises =ills: #ts 6#==# *OW2-&: the "oman 3 "ho # no" sa" "as "earing combat fatigues and a beret 3 ble" a "histle, and all the other protestors surged to"ards me$ /he minute they sa" me, their faces contorted "ith anger$ *o" do you +ustify being the public face of an organi!ation that is putting the small-business o"ner out of "ork( a man in o%eralls screamed at me, "hile a "oman pushing a baby in a stroller yelled, 0oure "hats "rong "ith 2merica: # actually thought this "as a little harsh, and not +ust because # "asnt "ho they thought # "as$ Well, technically$ ,ut # didnt get a chance to tell them this, because the burly security guard "as already hustling me a"ay from the hands that "ere reaching out, trying to clutch me$ *e more or less barrelled through the cro"d, using his elbo" as a battering ram, until "ed ducked through a re%ol%ing door, into a %ast, green-marble lobby, "here "e "ere +oined a fe" seconds later by ,randon Stark and =elly 4oster-4ielding$ ood .ord, =elly said, brushing herself off like a cat thats fur has been ruffled$ /hey get "orse e%ery day$ ood to see you, Miss *o"ard, the burly security guard "hod shielded me from the protesters "rath said "ith a nod to me$ ,een a "hile$ # smiled at him tremulously, my tears forgotten in my shock o%er "hat had +ust happened$ /h-thanks $ $ $ Martin, he said to me "ith a toothy grin$ 0ou really did lose your memory, +ust like they said on the ne"s: # "as about to assure him # really had, "hen =elly grabbed my arm and said, Enough chit-chat, people, "ere running late as it is$ .ets go$ 2nd then # "as being dragged to"ards an ele%ator$ 2nd # reali!ed # "as about to meet Mr -obert Stark himself$ Which "as a relief$ ,ecause # reali!ed # had a thing or t"o # "anted to say to him$ Se%enteen

E'cept that # didnt get to$ Say "hat # "anted to say to Mr Stark, # mean$ 2t least, not right a"ay$ /hats because the minute # stepped off the ele%ator into Stark )orporate head7uarters, a s"arm of hairstylists, make-up artists and "ardrobe assistants descended on me$ =elly snatched )osabella a"ay from me, assuring me shed look after her for the duration of the shoot$ 2nd then # 3 not my dog 3 "as the one s"ept a"ay for grooming$ 2t first # didnt kno" "hat "as happening$ 2ll # kne" "as that these total strangers "ere coming up to me, and this one guy kept pulling on my hair and going, *oney, "hat happened( /hey run out of product $ $ $ on the entire island of Manhattan( 2nd a "oman kept peering into my face and being like, So $ $ $ "ere going for the natural look, are "e( 2nd this other "oman grabbed my hand 3 this "as all as # "as being pulled do"n a hall"ay 3 and "ent, 0eah, its as bad as =elly said$ et the drill file: &rill file( 2nd "ere those product and natural look remarks of a snarky nature( /hey "ere$ Soon # "as being berated by 6orman for my haircare techni7ue 8So "e fall and bump our heads and lose our memory, and suddenly "e dont kno" ho" to deep condition any more(9 as "ell as my skincare regimen by &enise 8*oney, "hat happened to that e'foliant # got you last month( 0ou ha%e to use it for it to actually "ork$9 and, of course, my nail-biting 86o: Oh, for the lo%e of od, no$ Why "ould you do this( Why, "hy, "hy(9 by &oreen$ #t "asnt until the guy doing my hair ga%e it a bit too hard of a tug and # "as like, O": and 6orman "as like, Oh, did the "iddle baby get an o"ie( "ith all this fake sympathy, that # "ent, 0eah, actually, # did, and # grabbed his hand and ran it along the raised scar at the base of my skull$ 2fter that, he got %ery 7uiet $ $ $ and much gentler$ # dont kno" if 6orman said something to the others 3 he must ha%e 3 because they stopped picking on me too$ /hey also started e'plaining to me "hat they "ere doing$ .ike the make-up lady 3 &enise 3 told me ho" its important to "ash your face e%ery night and e%ery morning, and to use a gentle astringent to really get out the dirt$ /hen, if your skin "as flaking, to use a moisturi!er $ $ $ "hich of course #%e ne%er used before in my life, because my old skin ne%er flaked, it only broke out from too much oil$ ,ut apparently # ha%e dry skin no"$ 2nd then 6orman told me it "as probably better not to "ash my hair e%ery day $ $ $ that it "as easier to style and more manageable if # only "ashed it t"o or three times a "eek$ 2nd he ga%e me some po"der # "as supposed to sprinkle into my hair e%ery morning, and comb through, so it "ouldnt e%er look greasy$ 2nd &oreen the nail lady applied a paste to each one of my nails that 7uickly hardened to a fake nail that she filed short, then painted black$ /hen she "ent, ,ite them$ o on$ /ry$ 2nd "hen # stuck my nail into my mouth, # nearly broke a tooth on it$ 0oull ne%er bite them again, she said, so long as you "ear these$ 0oull come see me t"ice a month so # can fill the gaps as they gro"$ 2nd then drops "ere being put into my eyes to get the red out 8and # "as being gently chastised for crying9 "hile the "hole team tried to think of things to tell me that # might ha%e forgotten, like that my skin is too sensiti%e to "a' 8like this "as actually something that "as going to happen9, so # ha%e to sha%e un"anted body hair 8including my bikini line, about "hich 6orman said to me, 0ou ha%e to use a ,-26&-6EW -2HO- e%ery time, "hich, hello, "as totally embarrassing$ ,ut also incredibly useful, considering "hat =elly had told me in the car about the s"imsuit-issue thing9, and that processed foods aggra%ate acid reflu' 8like # hadnt noticed9, and that 8more interestingly9 ,randon and # "ere fully breaking up before my accident because # "as sick of him catting around "ith Mischa behind my back 8fortunately they told me this "hile ,randon "asnt in the room9$ 6one of them seemed to kno" that 6ikki had been catting around behind ,randons back "ith her room-mates boyfriend 8thank od9$ 2ll this made the time pass %ery 7uickly, so # barely noticed my eyelashes "ere being curled, and my hair straightened, and my toenails painted black to match my ne" fingernails, and that they "ere e%en bleaching my arm hairs 8yes9$ /hen they "ent, O=, off to "ardrobe, and # "as sent to a 8barely9 curtained-off area of the room "here three tiny girls, each about a foot shorter than me, started taking off my clothes 8"ithout e%en asking:9 and making me put on ne" things $ $ $ things # couldnt e%en figure out *OW to put on, so it "as a good thing they "ere there actually, to help$

/hen they "ould look at "hat # "as in and one of them "ould take a Polaroid and run out of the curtained area and then come back "ith a yes or no$ 4inally they settled on this diaphanous "hite dress that "as so lo" cut it "ould barely stay on, and these sil%er stilettos, and no earrings, and finally # "as let out of the curtained area and led do"n a long, plush carpeted hall"ay, past a lot of stylishly dressed people "ho stared at me 3 up at me, mostly, since # "as so tall in my stilettos 3 and a fe" of "hom said, *i, 6ikki$ # tried to say hi back, but "hene%er # did, #d get a shocked look$ # guess 6ikki "asnt kno"n for being particularly friendly "hile on a shoot$ Which # could sort of see "hy, considering ho" people poked and pulled her$ /hen finally # "as led up to a door that had the "ords -O,E-/ S/2-=, )EO "ritten on them in sil%er letters$ 2nd the door "as thro"n open and # "as in Mr Starks office at last$ E'cept that Mr Starks office "as in total chaos because of the photo shoot$ /here "ere po"er cords running criss-crossed all along the carpet, and giant klieg lights set up all o%er the place, shining do"n hotly on e%eryone, and skinny guys in black shirts and +eans e%ery"here, and girls in ponytails "ith fancy glasses holding cups of latte, and big blackout cloths draped o%er the floor-to-ceiling "indo"s that must ha%e offered a panoramic %ie" of all of Manhattan$ 2nd in the centre of it all "as a huge mahogany desk, at "hich sat -obert Stark in a "hite shirt unbuttoned about si' inches to re%eal a lot of grey chest hair$ 2nd behind him stood his son, also "earing a "hite shirt open to re%eal his completely hairless chest$ ,oth men looked tanned 8thanks, # kne" from &enise, to bron!er, "hich shed also smeared all o%er me 3 and # mean, all o%er $ $ $ there is apparently no room for modesty in modelling9 and handsome in the lights$ -obert Stark, though, looked impatient, "hile his son +ust looked bored$ # "as getting ready to go up and introduce myself and ask if "e could ha%e a "ord together in pri%ate 3 because maybe if Mr Stark met me and sa" "hat # "as like, he might reconsider the "hole making my parents pay back the t"o million dollars if # didnt honour 6ikkis contract "ith Stark $ $ $ and also might tell me "hy hed gi%en 6ikki a computer that "as loaded "ith keystroke-monitoring soft"are$ ,ut +ust as # "as about to take a step in Mr Starks direction, someone grabbed me and "rapped me in a fierce hug$ /here you are: cried a "omans %oice 3 gra%elly, and big, to match the hug$ Oh, my od, # cant belie%e ho" long its been: # "anted to come see you in the hospital, but they had those damned family %isitation-only restrictions: ,ut #m her agent: #m family, # told them$ 6o deal$ Well, let me look at you$ # "as held at arms length "hile a dark-haired middle-aged "oman, "hippet-thin, in a cream-coloured skirt suit e'amined me from head to foot$ orgeous, as al"ays, she concluded "hen she "as done checking me out$ )ouldnt be more gorgeous$ Oh, but you dont ha%e the foggiest idea "ho # am, do you( 0ou really did get a bump on the head: 5m, # said, glancing past the "oman at -obert Stark, "ho "as complaining to someone about the cufflinks on his tu'edo shirt, "hich appeared to keep coming undone$ 0oure -ebecca, my agent( /hats right, thats right: She flung her arms around me again$ -ebecca .o"ell: /hank anything had happened to you $ $ $ "ell, # dont kno" "hat #d ha%e done: od youre all right$ #f

-un straight back to that trailer park in the O!arks to see if she could find someone else to pluck from obscurity, said a man in leather trousers "ith a pencil moustache drily$ Oh, hush, -ebecca said to the leather trousers man$ /o me, she said, # kno" this is probably all %ery o%er"helming$ ,ut you%e al"ays been a natural and # kno" youll snap back in no time$ 2nd speaking of being a natural $ $ $ ho" e'cited are you about S#( Oh, 6ikki, "hen # heard, my heart $ $ $ "ell, # +ust thought #d cry: Step a"ay from the talent, -ebecca, Pencil Moustache said$ 6o" that shes here "e can finally get to "ork$ Oh, #m sorry, -aoul, -ebecca said, still hanging on to me$ #ts +ust that "hen # think ho" close she came to deathE # "ondered ho" shed react if # told her her client 6ikki really had died$ 1ust not legally in the state of 6e" 0ork$ 0es, "ell, #ll take good care of her for no", ,ec$ /he man shed called -aoul took me by the arm and said, We%e met before, 6ikki, but you dont remember, # see$ Which is a crushing blo" from "hich # doubt #ll soon reco%er$ 6e%er mind$ *op up on to this desk here so Pete can check the lighting 3 Obediently, # hopped up on to the enormous mahogany desk 3 after first checking to make sure my diaphanous

dress "as co%ering e%erything it "as supposed to be co%ering$ Which it "asnt doing the "orlds best +ob of$ My nipples "ere kind of sho"ing $ $ $ 0es, yes, -aoul said, totally noticing "hat # thought # "as doing so subtly$ 6e%er mind that no", "e%e all seen it before$ 6o" roll o%er and stick your heels in the air 3 elbo"s up, chin in your hands 3 6orman, hair$ 6orman darted for"ard to arrange my hair as # let -aoul t"ist me into a completely uncomfortable 3 e%en painful 3 position on the desk$ 0es, thats better$ 2ll right, gentlemen, places$ # couldnt see "hat "as going on behind me, because # "as trying to hold my painful pose$ ,ut # suppose Mr Stark and his son "ent back to their places, since -aoul said, ood, good$ .ets take some Polaroids$ Well, # thought to myself as the photographer, "en, started snapping a"ay$ /his isnt so bad$ Why had .ulu laughed so much "hen # asked ho" hard modelling can be( #ts not e'actly difficult $ $ $ although my neck kind of hurts$ 2nd # think theres some mascara in my eye$ 2nd 3 6ikki, 6ikki, -aoul said$ )an you try not to look like youre in pain( # kno" you are, darling, but dont think about it$ /hink about lo%ely things, "ill you( .o%ely thoughts, lo%ely face 3 # reali!ed "ith horror that #d been grimacing$ # immediately plastered a huge smile on to my face$ 6ot 7uite that lo%ely, 6ikki, -aoul intoned$ /his isnt a Sears portrait studio$ -ela' your mouth$ /hink de"y $ $ $ &enise, can you make her lips more de"y( /here$ /here$ 6o", a fe" more 3 2nd then -aoul and e%eryone gathered around to look at the Polaroids as they de%eloped$ So # started to sit up$ 6o", # thought, "ould be the perfect time to speak to Mr Stark 3 6ikki, darling, -ebecca called s"eetly from some"here beyond the circle of "hite light thro"n by the kliegs, so # couldnt see her, "here do you think youre going( 5m, # said$ /o change back into my real clothes( /he shoots not o%er, # heard ,randon say "ith a smirk$ #t hasnt e%en begun$ ,ut 3 # looked at the do!ens of Polaroids no" being dropped indifferently to the floor$ /est shots, ,randon said$ od$ What, did you get a little too much "ind bet"een your ears riding around on the back of that scrubs scooter( # bristled$ 4or your information, abriel .una is a %ery hard-"orking singer-song"riter, and not a scrub $ $ $ unlike some people # could mention$ ,randon stuck out his chin$ *ey, he said$ 4or your information, #%e got se%eral production deals in the "orks right no" $ $ $ not to mention #m recording my o"n album$ 0eah, # "anted to snarl$ With your dads money$ ,ut # didnt dare, "ith his father standing right there$ )hecking his emails on his 3 non-Stark-brand 3 ,lackberry, but still$ *e could ha%e been listening$ =no"ing "hat # kne" about 6ikkis computer, # didnt doubt he "as$ 6o bickering, children, -ebecca called from the darkness beyond the desk$ 2nd -aoul "ill tell you "hen you can rela', 6ikki, 2nd thats "hen # began to reali!e "hy .ulu had laughed at me "hen #d said modelling "as easy$ /here is nothing easy about it$ 5nless you think its easy trying to look de"y and think lo%ely thoughts "hile t"isting your body into the most uncomfortable position possible at the same time youre trying not to mess up your make-up or e'pose a nipple "hile "earing fi%e-inch heel shoes and trying not to notice ho" incredibly hot your +erk of an e'-boyfriend is$ ,ecause allo" me to assure you, its not$ Especially "hen youre doing it for the first time, and in somebody elses body$ Eighteen

#t "as nearly t"o hours later before -aoul got enough shots he thought he could use$ # had to do a bunch more different poses$ Some of them in%ol%ed me biting into a big red apple$ /hat "as fake$ 2nd tasted like dirt$ 2nother pose # had to do in%ol%ed hanging off ,randon Starks shoulders like # "as one of those baby rhesus monkeys, clinging to their mothers$ # said # thought that pose "as kind of misogynistic, because it implied that "omen are helpless and need a big strong man to support them$ # mostly +ust said that because draping myself o%er ,randon that "ay reminded me of ho" fun kissing him had been, and made me "ant to kiss him again, "hich, considering ho" mad he "as at me about abriel 3 and the fact that #m crushing on someone else entirely 3 didnt seem like it "ould be the best idea$ -aoul didnt take my ad%ice any"ay though$ 2nd -ebecca took me aside and asked if # had a fe%er$ ,ecause normally you kno" better than to critici!e an art directors %ision, she said$ # pointed out to her that the media is notorious for infantili!ing "omen in their images of us, and asked if it didnt bother her, as a feminist, that she "as partly contributing to that$ She looked at me and "ent, 2re you taking any kind of medication for your head in+ury( ,ecause if so they need to up the dosage$ # could sort of see her point$ # mean, if # didnt do the pose, theyd +ust hire some other model to do it$ Still, it "as totally embarrassing ha%ing to smush my boobs up against ,randon like that$ 6ot that he seemed to mind $ $ $ /hat "as the problem$ My embarrassment aside, # didnt mind much either$ 2nd # think ,randon started to get o%er his being mad at me about the "hole riding-on-the-back-of- abriel.unas->espa thing, because after about half an hour of my smushing my boobs into his back, he "hispered, *ey What are you doing after this( # "as caught totally caught off guard, and asked, Who( Me( 6o, ,randon said %ery sarcastically$ #m talking to Pete, the lighting guy$ Of course you$ Oh, # said$ # dont kno"$ # guess #m +ust going back to the loft$ Why( )ool, ,randon said$ Maybe #ll stop by$ # felt myself starting to blush$ # didnt kno" a "hole lot about guys, but # kne" "hat Maybe #ll stop by meant$ Or at least, # "as pretty sure # did$ )onsidering "here my boobs "ere$ # had a good idea "here theyd be later too$ # "as positi%e # "asnt going to be able to stop them from being there$ 6ot if # kne" 6ikki$ Or at least, ho" she got "hen guys started kissing her$ /hey tossed the "ord "anton around a lot in those romance no%els 4rida 3 and, O=, # ha%e to admit, # 3 liked to read$ Well, "anton pretty much summed up ho" 6ikki got "hene%er a guy stuck his tongue in her mouth$ O=$ My mouth$ ,ut "hat about )hristopher( # mean, he "as the one # really lo%ed, and #d ne%er e%en once managed to get "ithin kissing distance of him $ $ $ Oh od$ /his "as all so confusing$ # tried to think up some e'cuse as to "hy ,randon shouldnt stop by the loft later, and finally sei!ed upon a perfect one$ /he thing is, # "hispered, #m going to bed early$ #%e got school in the morning$ ,randon made a face 3 until right( "en, the photographer, asked him to please stop$ School( 0oure kidding me,

6o, # said$ /ribeca 2lternati%e *igh School$ My first day$ # "ant to be nice and "ell rested$ 2nd, "ell, you kno"$ What "ith the accident, and allE # thought the school thing "as +ust a P- stunt, ,randon said$ # +erked my boobs off him in shock$ 2 P- stunt( Who said that( 6ikki, "en called, dont mo%e, please: Petes +ust ad+usting the lighting 3

Well, ,randon said, thats "hat people are sayingE Education is necessary for anyone to gro" as an indi%idual, # said$ #m going to school so # can go to college some day, not as a P- stunt$ 2nd not +ust so # can check up on my best friend, "ho # happen to be crushing on, and make sure he hasnt found some other girl, either$ =elly: "en yelled$ 6ikki, =elly called to me, could you get back in your place, please( # got back in my place, draped o%er ,randons back$ ,ut # "asnt happy about it$ People "ere saying 6ikki *o"ard "as going to high school as a P- stunt( /hat "as terrible: 2nd so untrue: # could see # needed to speak to ,randons father, no" more than e%er$ *e couldnt keep the truth about "hat had really happened to 6ikki to himself no"$ *e +ust couldnt$ #t "asnt fair$ ,ut it "as really hard to get Mr Starks attention, because e%ery time he "asnt posing for the cameras, he "as on his 8non-Stark-brand9 cellphone yelling at someone, or telling one of the many people in the room to get him someone elses phone number, or an espresso$ 4inally, after "hat seemed like another fi%e hours 3 my feet "ere throbbing, and my mouth muscles t"itching from smiling so much 3 -aoul said, /hats a "rap, people: 0ou can all go home: 2nd Mr Stark said, /hank od, and started taking out his cufflinks$ # "as sitting right on the desk in front of him, so # +ust "ent, Mr Stark( )an # talk to you a minute( 2nd he looked do"n at me, and "ent, 6o$ Seriously: 1ust like that: ,ut #m not a straight-2 student 3 and ha%ent gotten to le%el forty-fi%e in 1ourney7uest 3 for nothing$ # mean, #m no 7uitter$ 2nd not e%en a billionaire corporate e'ecuti%e "ho also runs an underground brain-transplant clinic is going to th"art me$ #ts +ust $ $ $ # said in a lo" %oice as e%eryone around us "as gathering up po"er cords and taking do"n the blackout curtains$ &ont you think "hat youre doing is "rong( # mean, about 6ikki$ *e looked right at me$ *is eyes, # noticed, "ere bro"n, "ith tiny ruby glints in them$ Or maybe that "as +ust the "ay they looked in the klieg lights, "hich "ere being turned off, one by one$ &ont get me "rong, # "ent on 7uickly$ #m totally grateful for "hat &octor *olcombe did for me$ 2nd # am totally "illing to go through "ith my end of the contract$ ,ut dont you think 6ikkis friends 3 her family 3 deser%e to kno" the truth( So they can mourn her properly( # mean, some people e%en think she "as in rehab last month$ *o" unfair is that( #m sure once they understand your issue "ith the "hole thing, theyll get it$ #ts +ust that you cant go around replacing one person "ith a completely different one, you kno"$ #ts not right$ # kno" 6ikki might ha%e been a model and all, but that doesnt mean she didnt ha%e a uni7ue personality and people "ho lo%ed her$ 2nd, #m not sure youre a"are of this, but someone loaded that computer you ga%e her "ith keystroke-tracking soft"areE 1ESS#)2: Mr Stark startled me by yelling$ One of the ponytailed girls in the fancy glasses came scurrying up$ 0es, sir( 1essica, get my coat$ #s my reser%ation at Per Se all set( 0es, sir, 1essica said, trailing after her boss as he strode a"ay from me$ 2nd your cars "aiting do"nstairs 3 #t "as only then that # reali!ed; -obert Stark "as "alking a"ay from me: *e "as +ust "alking a"ay from me, as if # hadnt said anything: 2s if # "as +ust $ $ $ not e%en there: 2s if # "as +ust $ $ $ +ust $ $ $ 2n airhead model$ ,ut 3 Mr Stark: # called after him$ ,ut -obert Stark +ust kept going, "alking out of his office "ithout so much as a second glance at me$ # couldnt belie%e it$ # couldnt belie%e ho" hed +ust "alked a"ay like that$ /he one person # thought could help me 3 or not e%en me so much as 6ikki 3 and hed +ust completely ignored me, as if # "as a fly$ Or a busboy$ Or a girl$

&ont e%en bother, a deep %oice behind me ad%ised$ # turned around and found myself looking up at ,randon$ ,randon "as staring after his father "ith a look # can only describe as $ $ $ "ell$ 6ot %ery friendly$ *e doesnt speak to the talent, ,randon informed me$ # stared at him in confusion$ /he talent( 0ou mean $ $ $ Me$ #m the talent$ Or to me, ,randon added bitterly, if he can help it$ *es much too busy and important$ ,ut$ # shook my head, not sure # understood$ *es your dad$ Of course he cant be too busy for you$ ,randon ga%e me a strange look$ /hen he said, 0ou really do ha%e amnesia, dont you( 2nd "ith that, he turned around and "alked a"ay before # could say another "ord$ # "as on my "ay back to the changing area to slip into my o"n clothes, "hen # ran into -ebecca and =elly$ &arling, you "ere fabulous: -ebecca cried$ # "asnt, # said to her$ My neck still throbbed from the "ay -aoul had made me arch it$ # didnt kno" "hat # "as doing$ 2nd Mr Stark hates me$ 2lthough, truthfully, # "asnt sure that "as such a bad thing $ $ $ So youre a little rusty, -ebecca said "ith a shrug$ 0ou hit your head: /hat "e should all look so good after concussion$ 2nd ,ob Stark hates e%erybody$ 5h, this is ringing 3 She held out the cellphone my mom had gi%en to me$ #t "as flashing my home number$ My mom "as calling, no doubt about dinner$ # reali!ed # hadnt follo"ed her directions and called as soon as #d gotten to the photo shoot$ # let it go to %oicemail$ #ll call her back, # said$ # didnt think # could handle my mom and all her 7uestions 3 and concerns 3 +ust then$ reat, -ebecca said$ 6o", =elly and # "ant to take you out for dinner to celebrate the S# gig$ We got your fa%ourite table at 6obu$ Well make it a ladies night $ $ $ unless ,randon "ants to come( # glanced o%er my shoulder at ,randon, "ho "as already on his "ay to the ele%ators$ 5h, ,randons got other plans, # said$ 2nd actually, #m really tired$ # think #m +ust going to head back to the loft and crash, if thats O=$ # mean, # +ust got out of the hospital this morning, and #%e got school in the morning E Say no more, -ebecca said "ith a smile$ Well do it another time$ /omorro" afternoon, after the Elle shoot, perhaps$ /omorro"( # stared at her$ We ha%e a shoot tomorro"( *oney, you are booked solid all this "eek, =elly said, thrusting )osabella into my arms$ 0ou are on fire, youre so hot right no"$ 2re you sure you dont "ant to reconsider this going-back-to-school thing( ,ecause its really cutting into your a%ailabilityE 6o, # said$ # mean, yes$ # mean, # ha%e to go to school # "anted to$ *o" else "as # going to find out if )hristopher "as into me at all( Oh, and get an education( =elly shook her head$ /his school things gonna kill me, she grumbled$ 2nd a second later she "as barking into her headset, 6o: # told you: Shes not a%ailable until after three p$m$ What part of three p$m$ did you not understand( Well, # think its great, -ebecca said to me$ )hristy /urlington ended up studying comparati%e religion and eastern philosophy at 605, you kno"$ #f she can do it, you can$ 2lthough, ho" smart could she be if she thought 4ashion )afe "ould e%er take off( 5m, # said, because # had no idea "hat she "as talking about, # should go $ $ $ Of course you should$ -ebecca took me by the arm and started steering me back to the changing area$ irls: 6ikki has to go: 2nd, like magic, a fe" seconds later, # had been stripped of my ethereal dress and stilettos, and "as back in my o"n clothes, in a limo heading back do"nto"n 3 by myself, this time$ 2nd in my lap 3 besides )osabella 3 "as something -ebecca had handed me on my "ay out$

Oh, shed said$ *ere$ #%e been meaning to gi%e you this$ 2nd shed passed me a bron!e-leather tote marked Prada, that caused my shoulder to sag, it "as so hea%y$ Whats this( #d asked curiously$ *on, -ebecca had said "ith a laugh$ #ts your purse: 0ou dropped it the day of the accident$ #%e been holding it for you$ 0our life is in there$ 0our Sidekick, your cellphone, your credit cards $ $ $ hold on to it this time, all right, honey( 6o", in the limo, # dumped the contents of 6ikki *o"ards bag into my lap and mar%elled at "hat # found there$ #d suspected before$ ,ut no" # kne" for sure$ # "as rich$ 6ikki *o"ard had a platinum 2merican E'press card, t"o gold >isas, a gold Mastercard, a platinum )hase bank card for 7uick 2/M "ithdra"als, tons of cash 8four hundred and t"enty-se%en dollars "orth9, and a che7uebook that said she had three hundred and si' thousand, si' hundred and thirty-t"o dollars and ele%en cents in her sa%ings account, and t"enty-t"o thousand dollars in her current account$ 2nd that "as +ust "hat "as in her bank account$ Who kne" "hat she had in%ested( ,ecause # found a business card for a Smith ,arney in%estment ad%iser that "as tattered and looked "ell used$ # "as freaking loaded$ 6ot enough to buy myself out of my Stark contract$ ,ut # could help my parents out if they ran into problems$ /his "as a"esome$ /he first thing # did 8after admiring 6ikkis neatly balanced che7uebook9 "as check out her cellphone$ ,ut, like the one my mom had gi%en me, it "as Stark-brand$ Same thing for the Sidekick$ /he batteries of both "ere dead from ha%ing gone "ithout use for so long, so it "asnt like # could turn them on to check 8and e%en if # had, # "ouldnt ha%e been able to tell myself$ Only the )ommander "ould ha%e been able to kno" for sure9$ ,ut # suspected they, like 6ikkis laptop, might ha%e been tapped$ Maybe # "as +ust being paranoid$ ,ut "aking up in someone elses body can do that to a girl$ /he rest of 6ikkis bag seemed to contain only makeup and half empty containers of acid-reflu' medication$ ,ut it "as comforting to kno" # had some money at least$ 2ll # "anted to do "hen # got to the loft "as order some takeout for dinner 8"hich # could no" pay for 3 and # didnt feel guilty about using 6ikkis money, because after that photo shoot, # felt like #d earned it9, strip off my clothes, take a long, hot bath, maybe "atch some /> and go to bed$ 2nd no" # could pay the deli%ery guy$ 2nd pick up a bagel or "hate%er for breakfast on my "ay to school in the morning$ ,ut "hen # arri%ed at the loft fi%e minutes later, # sa" my plan for a 7uiet dinner and a nice bubble bath in 6ikkis +acu!!i go do"n the drain $ $ $ pretty much literally$ ,ecause "hen the ele%ator doors opened to let me and )osabella out into 6ikkis place, a do!en people 3 including .ulu and ,randon 3 yelled, Welcome home, 6ikki: thre" streamers, popped champagne corks and rushed to hug me$ 0eah$ # "as surprised, all right$ Especially since the person hugging me the hardest turned out to be 1ustin ,ay$ 6ineteen

We "ere at a club called )a%e$ #t "as called )a%e because it "as in the bo"els of 6e" 0ork )ity, in a part of the sub"ay system that the city had planned and then abandoned due to lack of funds nearly a century earlier$ Someone had installed spotlights along the rock "alls in strategic places, strung a sound system through it, put a couple of &1s in place, and no" it "as the hottest dance spot in Manhattan$ /here "as a line out of the door that "ent half"ay around the block, e%en on a Wednesday night$ 0ou couldnt get in unless you "ere somebody$ 6ikki *o"ard, it turned out, "as somebody$ E%en though she "as only se%enteen and not legally allo"ed into bars$ ,ut it "as all right, because 6ikki didnt drink$ # found this out from the bartender "hen # "earily approached the bar, parched from so much dancing, and he said, *ey 6ikki, long time no see$ /he usual( # ha%e amnesia, # said$ #t seemed to me #d been saying this to people all night long, as they approached me and cried, 6ikki, its me: &ont you remember me( #ts 1oeyS1immyS1ohnnyS1an from ParisS&enmarkSEast *amptonS.os 2ngeles: &idnt you hear( # dont kno" "hat the usual is$ /he bartender took a long-stemmed cocktail glass, filled it "ith "ater, added a curled piece of orange peel, then slid it to"ards me$ #f you didnt kno" it "as +ust "ater, it looked e'actly like a Martini, only "ith orange peel instead of an oli%e$ We call it the 6ikki, he said "ith a "ink$ Only the bartenders in to"n kno" its +ust "ater$ 0ou cant drink alcohol because of your stomach problems, remember( 2nd because youre not t"enty-one of course, he added piously$ # grinned$ # "as kind of starting not to be so annoyed "ith 6ikki *o"ard $ $ $ something # "ouldnt ha%e thought earlier in the day$ /hanks, # said gratefully, and sipped 6ikkis signature drink "hile # sur%eyed the dance floor$ # couldnt belie%e it "as so late 3 nearly t"o in the morning 3 and the club "as still so cro"ded 8and only getting more and more cro"ded9 on a "eek night$ Of course, # had ne%er been to a place like this before$ Maybe they "ere al"ays like this$ *ere at the bar, there "as barely a seat a%ailable$ # had only gotten mine because a gallant fan had surrendered his 8in e'change for an autograph of course$ /he first time someone had asked, # had almost "ritten Em Watts, but changed it to 6ikki *o"ard at the last minute$ #d been so s"amped by autograph seekers all night, #d actually gotten almost used to it9$ Out on the dance floor, bodies "ere gyrating to hypnotic techno, and different-coloured flashes of lights and thick clouds of dry ice made it impossible to tell "ho "as "ho$ # kne" .ulu "as out there some"here, along "ith both ,randon and 1ustin and a ton more of 6ikki *o"ards best friends 8shed collected more and more as the e%ening "ore on9$ We had begun the e%ening at the loft, then mo%ed on to a boisterous dinner at one of ,obby 4lays restaurants 8and the 4ood 6et"ork chef had actually been there and come o%er to our table to "ish me 3 # mean, 6ikki 3 a speedy reco%ery from my amnesia9, then ended up at )a%e$ .ulu had been so e'cited about the surprise party shed thro"n together for me, # hadnt had the heart to tell her # "asnt e'actly in the mood for a party$ #d tried to go along "ith the "hole thing, e%en letting her drag me off into 6ikkis closet and choose an outfit for me to "ear for the e%ening$ Which "as "hy # "as sitting at one of the many bars in )a%e in black spiked ankle boots, a lo"-cut black top, and a gold lam? miniskirt$ # looked +ust like a hooker #d seen once do"n on the West Side *igh"ay$ /hough # hadnt "anted to hurt .ulus feelings by saying so$ Especially since the hooker had been a man$ 2rent you ha%ing fun( .ulu bounded up from out of the dry ice smoke to ask me suddenly$ She "as in a contrasting outfit of gold lam? ankle boots and top and black skirt$ Shed teased both our hair out to stand about fi%e inches from our heads$ She "as calling it Eighties 6ight$ /he only problem "as, "e "ere the only t"o in the entire club in eighties attire$ # sure am, # told her$ /hen # added, ,ut, you kno", # ha%e to go home soon, .ulu, because # ha%e school in the morning$ .ulus tiny mouth popped open like a baby birds$ Oh my od, she cried$ # forgot: /hats right, youre doing that school thing$ 0ou must, like, totally hate me$ # dont, # assured her$ /he truth "as, out of all the people #d met since "aking up in 6ikki *o"ards body, she "as my fa%ourite$ ,randon "as still acting angry "ith me o%er abriel, and 1ustin, of course, "as gi%ing me the cold shoulder because .ulu "as around 8for "hich # "as grateful$ # didnt "ant to talk to him any"ay9$ # didnt kno" "ho the other people "ere 3 .ulu had introduced them, but their names and ho" 6ikki "as supposed to

kno" them had gone right o%er my head$ 6one of them had turned out to be ha%ing secret affairs "ith me 8or rather, 6ikki9, much to my relief $ $ $ ,ut "hile they all seemed pleasant enough, they +ust kept talking about people # didnt kno", and # mostly +ust felt left out and $ $ $ "ell, pretty lonely, despite all the autograph seekers 8and the fact that my mom kept calling, e%en though # "as still sending her calls to %oicemail$ Why did she ha%e to be so clingy( # "as si'teen and a half, # could take care of myself9 and people "ho e%idently kne" and adored 6ikki *o"ard, "ho kept coming up and gushing o%er her$ ,eing adored "as great$ #t really "as$ ,ut it had been a long day, and # +ust "anted to go back to the loft and get some sleep$ Was that so "rong( Whats up "ith this school thing any"ay( .ulu "anted to kno", smiling flirtatiously at a guy "ho surrendered his barstool for her 3 seriously, it "as ama!ing "hat guys "ould do for a pretty girl$ #t "as a "hole different "orld, being gorgeousG a "orld "ith "hich # "as entirely unfamiliar 3 then hopping on to it and signalling the bartender for a drink$ # mean, "hy do you "ant to go to school so badly( ,ecause, # said$ 6o "ay "as # telling her about )hristopher, and # decided it "ould be "iser to keep my mouth shut about 4rida too, # "ant to go to college some day$ )ollege( .ulu made a face$ What for( So # can get a +ob, # said$ /eaching, probably$ ,oth my parents are professors, and #d like to be one too$ /hen, reali!ing "hat #d said, # blanched$ # mean 3 ,ut .ulu +ust "a%ed my statement aside$ She "as still con%inced her spirit-transfer e'planation, not my amnesia story, "as the correct one for 6ikki *o"ards bi!arre recent beha%iour$ /eaching "hat( /he bartender had brought her a drink "ithout her e%en specifying "hat she "anted$ .ulus signature drink "as something yello"ish that had green lea%es floating in it and some crystals all along the rim$ When # tasted one that had fallen on the bar, # found that it "as sugar$ #m not sure, # said$ # like a lot of sub+ects$ /hats another reason "hy # "ant to go back to school$ /o figure it out$ /hen # had an idea$ *ey, you should come "ith me: .ulu nearly choked on her drink$ Wh-"hat( 0ou should, # said, getting e'cited by the idea$ #m sure your dad could get you in$ *es super famous$ /2*S "ould be so e'cited to ha%e you$ )ome "ith me tomorro": .ulu made another face$ 5m $ $ $ thanks, but no thanks$ # shook my head$ .ulu, # said, youre only se%enteen$ 0ou should be in school$ 0ou shouldnt e%en be li%ing by yourself$ Why do you li%e alone any"ay( She looked up at me, her elfin face t"isted "ith confusion$ # dont li%e alone, .ulu said$ # li%e "ith you$ # kno", # said$ ,ut # mean "hy dont you li%e "ith your parents( ,ecause my mom took off "ith my sno"board instructor and "ants nothing to do "ith me, silly, .ulu said cheerfully, and my dads ne" "ife is fi%e years older than # am$ *o" stoked "ould you be to li%e at home in that situation( 2nd "ith that, she polished off her drink, +umped off the stool and +etted back off to the dance floor, lea%ing me alone at the bar$ Only not for long, because a second later, 1ustin ,ay slithered on to the stool shed %acated and "ent, So you honestly e'pect me to belie%e you dont remember anything 3 anything 3 about us $ $ $ and Paris( # looked at the bartender and he slid another 6ikki special to"ards me$ 0ou shouldnt be talking to me, # said to 1ustin$ 0oure .ulus boyfriend$ 2nd no, # dont remember anything$ /hats "hat the "ord amnesia means$ Memory loss$ #ts reek for forgetfulness$ Oooh, 1ustin said, "rapping his arm around my "aist and leaning his face do"n to nu!!le my neck$ One bang on the head and youre Miss Smarty Pants, arent you( 2nd you kno" good and "ell that # can trigger your

memory, if anyone can $ $ $ #t "as ama!ing$ My bodys reaction to his "arm lips on my neck "as instantaneous$ # felt like an electric current "ent up and do"n my spine$ Only it "as not unpleasant$ /he thing "as, .ulu "as dancing not t"enty feet a"ay$ What happened ne't "as as instantaneous as the reaction of my skin to his lips$ 2nd that "as that # dumped the contents of the cocktail glass the bartender had +ust slid to"ards me on to 1ustins head$ 2ll the people around us hooted "ith surprise as 1ustin sputtered and leaped off the bar stool$ /o say he seemed astonished "ould be an understatement$ *e looked completely horrified 3 the more so "hen he licked his dripping lips$ 0oure drinking "ater( he cried$ #ts called a 6ikki, # said grandly, slipping off my bar stool$ # dont do alcohol$ Or other peoples boyfriends$ 2nd dont you forget it$ # stalked a"ay to the sound of applause$ # found .ulu dancing "ith three other girls, all of "hom "ere dressed in the height of eighties chic as "ell$ #t "as if shed sent out some secret coded message before "ed e%en left the loft$ *ere # "as, one of the "orlds hottest supermodels, and # still didnt get ho" girls did that$ 4igured out "hat to "ear, # mean$ .ulu, # shouted at her, to be heard o%er the incredibly loud music, #m going home$ 0ou can stay if you "ant, but # +ust "anted you to kno", #m lea%ing$ .ulu stopped dancing and stared at me$ 6o, she said, shaking her "ild-looking hair$ We ne%er lea%e "ithout the other person$ #f youre lea%ing #m lea%ing too$ .et me +ust go tell 1ustin$ 5h, # yelled, 1ustins kind of $ $ $ mad right no"$ Oh, .ulu said, comprehension da"ning instantly$ *as he been hitting on you( 6o" it "as my turn to stare$ 0ou kne"( .ulu rolled her huge eyes$ &uh$ # kno" 6ikki has a problem saying no to boys "hen they start kissing her $ $ $ and also that boys ha%e a problem saying no to kissing 6ikki$ ,ut # thought that first part might ha%e been cleared up by the spirit transfer$ Well, # said no, # said uncomfortably$ 2nd no" hes mad$ # felt absurd standing there on the dance floor, ha%ing this con%ersation $ $ $ especially since some guy "ho "as "earing a ton of gold chains and %ery big trousers that sho"ed off a lot of his under"ear danced up and started grinding on me$ 2rent you 6ikki *o"ard( he asked me$ 6o, # said to him$ /hen # turned back to .ulu$ 0ou mean, you kne" this "hole time( # suspected, .ulu said "ith a shrug$ ,ut look, its not like 1ustin and # e%er had this big lo%e connection$ *e +ust al"ays gi%es me really nice presents "hene%er he hooks up "ith someone else$ 2nd e%er since you got back from the sho"s in Paris, there%e been a lot of really nice presents$ #m so sorry, # said, meaning it$ # felt terrible$ E%en though it "asnt my fault$ #t "as 6ikkis$ 2nd # "asnt 6ikki$ Or at least, # hadnt been at the time shed done the terrible things that had hurt .ulu$ 0ou are too 6ikki *o"ard, ,ig Pants insisted, dancing up on me again$ &amn, girl: 0ou are one fine piece 3 # turned, placed my hand in the centre of his chest as he ground his pel%is against my leg, and pushed him do"n$ #ts all right, .ulu said, stepping neatly o%er ,ig Pants as he spra"led across the dance floor$ 0ou really cant help it$ #ts like youre po"erless o%er kissing$ 2ny"ay, if "ere lea%ing, "e should probably get ,randon$ .ast time # sa" him he "as 3 Oh, there he is$ See, this isnt good$ .ulu pointed$ ,randon "as in the &1s booth, arguing "ith the &1 about something$

#ll get him, # said, and hurried o%er +ust in time to hear ,randon saying, 0ou ne%er "ant to play my songs, man$ Why is that( /he &1s reply "as calm, but brutal$ ,ecause your songs suck$ ,randon pulled back his arm as if he "as going to punch the &1 in the face$ # flung myself for"ard and grabbed his arm, thro"ing all my body "eight on to it so that he staggered back"ards "ith me$ Whatre you doing( he demanded, his "ords drunkenly slurred$ &id you hear "hat this guy +ust said( #m gonna take him out$ 6o, youre not, # assured him$ We ha%e to go no"$ # cant go no", ,randon said, trying to shake me off$ # gotta kill this guy first$ 6o, # said, digging my stiletto heels into the grout of the tiled floor to keep him from mo%ing for"ard$ ,randon, you cant$ We gotta go$ /he limos "aiting for usE ood, ,randon said, dragging me ine'orably for"ard$ #ll be there in a minute$ Soon as #%e killed this guy$ 6ot kno"ing "hat else to do 3 but kno"ing # had to distract him someho" 3 # ga%e a sort of leap, keeping one arm "rapped around ,randons arm and thro"ing the other around his neck, and clamped my mouth o%er his$ 2s #d hoped, ,randons refle'es "erent too badly affected by alcohol for him not to catch me the moment # leaped into his arms$ 2nd he became too preoccupied "ith kissing me to remember his animosity to"ards the &1$ =issing really is "onderful that "ay$ # almost forgot myself that # "as doing it +ust to get ,randon to 7uit "anting to fight $ $ $ $ $ $ until, that is, someone standing close by cleared his throat, and # dragged my lips a"ay from ,randons and sa" abriel .una standing there staring at us, holding a )& in his hand and looking %aguely bemused$ Oh, # said, colour rushing into my face$ # "as, after all, being held in the air by ,randon Stark$ 2lthough at least this time he hadnt slung me o%er his shoulder, fireman style, like "hen hed stuffed me into the limo the night he and .ulu kidnapped me$ *i$ 5h, abriel said$ *ello$ E%erything all right( Oh, # said, trying to sound bree!y$ 0es$ We "ere +ust lea%ing$ ,randon, you can put me do"n no"$ 6o, ,randon said sullenly as he stared at abriel, apparently recogni!ing him from the grainy photo of the t"o of us on abriels >espa that had been all o%er the place the day before$ *a$ # ga%e a ner%ous laugh, and tried to smile my de"iest at abriel$ *es kidding$ Put me do"n no", ,randon$ 6o, ,randon said again$ # closed my eyes briefly, praying there "ouldnt no" be a fight bet"een abriel and ,randon$ ,ut # neednt ha%e "orried$ ,ecause of course abriel doesnt like me that "ay, considering the fact that he thinks 6ikki *o"ard is a reco%ering addict and all$ When # opened my eyes again, he "as still ga!ing at me "ith that same bemused e'pression$ 2nd .ulu had come up behind him and "as sco"ling$ od, "hat is taking so long( she demanded, in a surprisingly loud %oice$ She looked like a fi%e-foot-tall angry general$ /he cars "aiting, you guys$ Mo%e it, or lose it: Obediently ,randon follo"ed her, not seeming to notice that he "as still carrying me$ 6ot kno"ing "hat else to do, # "a%ed goodbye to abriel from o%er ,randons broad shoulder$ abriel "a%ed back 3 then seemed to catch himself and lo"ered his hand, looking around as se%eral people standing nearby cried, Oh my od 3 thats 6ikki *o"ard: One or t"o rushed up to ask for my autograph, but ,randon +ust grunted and kept "alking, not pausing e%en for a moment$ ,eing carried out of the hottest dance club in Manhattan at t"o in the morning by 6ikki *o"ards on-again, offagain boyfriend "asnt too embarrassing$ Especially "hen "e encountered about nine thousand papara!!i on the side"alk bet"een the front of the club and the "aiting doors of our limo$ /hat "as especially nice$ # mean, not$ reat, # said, after ,randon had dumped me inside the car and #d straightened out my skirt, "hich had hiked up past my hips$ 0ou kno" "hat that looked like, right( What( .ulu asked blearily as she reapplied her lip-gloss$

.ike # "as too drunk to "alk and ,randon "as carrying me out of there$ So( .ulu admired her o"n reflection in the S"aro%ski crystal-encrusted compact she "as holding$ 0ou didnt kno" any better than to drink too much$ 0ou forgot$ 0ou ha%e amnesia$ -emember( od, thats the perfect e'cuse for e%erything$ She looked up from the compact$ Oh, no, "ait $ $ $ ho" could you remember that( 0ou ha%e amnesia$ ,randon, "hod piled into the limo after us, chose that moment to collapse on top of me$ 0our place or mine( he asked my stomach$ Oh my od, get off, # said, gi%ing him a sho%e$ #m not going to your place and youre not staying at mine$ # dont e%en like you that "ay # only kissed you to keep you from getting your face smashed in by that &1$ 0oure in no condition to be fighting anyone$ 0oure nice, he said, not mo%ing an inch and, in fact, snuggling more deeply into my lap$ 0oure much nicer than you used to be, before you hit your head and scrambled your brains$ 0ou "ere so mean before$ -emember, .ulu( When 6ikki "as so mean all the time( .ulu snapped open her bag and put her lipgloss a"ay, cocking her head to study me thoughtfully$ She is a lot less bitchy, she said$ #t must be because of the spirit transfer$ # dont care "hy it is, ,randon said, sighing happily as he hugged my belly$ #m +ust glad shes back$ 2nd so much nicer$ 2 fe" seconds later, he let out a gentle snore$ # thre" .ulu a helpless look, like, What am # supposed to do no"( 1ust push him off "hen "e get home, she said "ith a shrug of her ra!or-sharp shoulder blades$ *e "ont "ake up$ /omll take him back to his place on )harles Street$ #ts not like hell remember any of this tomorro"$ *e ne%er does$ *e does this a lot( # asked, glancing do"n at ,randons handsome, peacefully do!ing face$ .ulu looked at me blankly$ *e likes to party, she said$ # could see that she had no idea "hat # "as talking about 3 also that she "as beginning to nod off herself, e%ery bit as tired as # "as$ # "as going to ha%e to get to the bottom of the ,randon problem some day soon, # kne"$ ,ut not tonight$ /onight, # +ust "anted to go to bed$ Which # did, the minute "e got home, carefully setting 6ikkis alarm for se%en oclock 3 gi%ing me a grand total of four-hours sleep 3 so # could get to school on time$ Well, # guess no one had said it "as going to be easy, this balancing high school "ith a full-time modelling career$ # had no idea ho" # "as going to pull it off$ 2ll # kne" "as that # had to, if # "as going to establish any kind of normality to my ne" life$ 6ormality$ When # had 6ikki *o"ards face and Emerson Wattss brain$ -ight$ ,ecause that had been "orking out +ust great so far$ /"enty

# could see that the Walking &ead "ere in fine form "hen the cab #d been lucky to snag let me off in front of /2*S the ne't morning$ /hey "ere all leaning up against the chain-link fence around the construction site across the street 8because "hy ha%e a high school if it isnt across the street from a former thread factory they%e imploded to make room for more condos, so you can listen to the ,EEP ,EEP ,EEP of trucks backing up all day(9, te't-messaging one another$ 2ll but Whitney -obertson and 1ason =lein$ /hey "ere making out$ # felt some thro" up come into my mouth, +ust looking at them$ ,ut it might ha%e been the &anish #d snagged at deli near the loft and made the mistake of trying to eat for breakfast$ #t turns out 6ikki *o"ards digesti%e system and &anish( 6ot so much$ # +ust hadnt had time to make myself a decent breakfast$ #d hardly belie%ed it "hen the alarm had gone off$ #t seemed like #d only +ust closed my eyes, and it had been time to "ake up again$ #d "anted to die "hen # sa" "hat time it "as$ One thing # kne" for sure 3 no more going out on a school night$ 6ot for me$ 2nd then, as #d lain there, staring at 6ikki *o"ards plain "hite "alls 3 a housekeeper or someone must ha%e come to clean, because abriels roses "ere gone$ # guess theyd finally "ilted and died 3 "ith )osabella licking my face, eager for breakfast and a "alk, it had occurred to me that # didnt ha%e to go$ -eally$ 6o one "as making me$ 6ikki *o"ard "as an emancipated minor$ She didnt ha%e to go to school if she didnt "ant to$ # could roll o%er and go right back to sleep 3 lo%ely, delicious sleep$ /he limo "asnt coming to pick me up for the Elle shoot until three$ # could stay in bed all day if # "anted to$ #t "as tempting$ So tempting$ Especially because #d been too "ired to go right to sleep "hen #d gotten home last night and, after listening to Moms messages 3 se%en of them, each one more aggra%ated than the last 3 had finally gone to .ulus room and checked her laptop "hile she slept and found that hers too had the same keystroke-tracking soft"are on it that 6ikkis had$ #d disconnected the modems to both, and found the keyboards "orked perfectly "hen # plugged them back into the modems again$ #t "as true # still had only a Stark-brand P) $ $ $ but once it "as functioning "ithout spy"are, "ho needed school( #d ha%e to set up a "hole ne" online identity for 6ikki, since # kne" my parents had disconnected my old ones 8too much temptation, theyd told me, especially since # "as supposed to be dead9$ ,ut it "as going to be so good to be online again: # could play 1ourney7uest, and #M )hristopher 3 Oh no, "ait$ # couldnt$ ,ecause ho" "ould 6ikki *o"ard kno" )hristopher Maloney( #n order for her to get to kno" him, she "as going to ha%e to go to school today $ $ $ Which, # "ill admit, is the only thing that sent me stumbling out of bed, grabbing blindly for clothes, pulling on the first things my fingers came into contact "ith, "hich turned out to be some kind of high-"aisted dress # "as supposed to "ear o%er black leggings "ith these co"boy boots and a lot of long necklaces 8.ulu had laid them out for me last night, giggling about ho" # needed to look good on my first day of school9$ /he ensemble actually turned out to be surprisingly comfortable$ # mean, for something that "asnt a /-shirt and +eans$ 2nd after #d brushed my teeth and "ashed my face and run a brush through my hair 8careful of my still-tender surgery scar9, # noticed in the mirror that $ $ $ # actually looked kind of good$ Who kne" you could look good and actually 4EE. good at the same time( # mean, ob%iously you al"ays feel good in s"eats$ ,ut hardly anyone .OO=S good in them 8at least, according to 4rida9$ 6ot that # ha%e e%er let that stop me from "earing them to school, e'cept on the occasions 4rida spotted me and made me turn around and change into something else$ ,ut "hen she didnt, the Walking &ead "ould often stop and stare at me, because # so didnt match their uniform of pressed khakis and collared shirt $ $ $ ne%er a dra"string at the "aist: Maybe that had something to do "ith "hy, "hen # got out of the cab and started heading up the steps for the main office, e%ery single person loitering in front of the school stopped "hat they "ere doing and simply $ $ $ stared at me$ /hen # heard the "hispered "ords 6ikki *o"ard and remembered that it "asnt me, Em Watts, they "ere staring at, or the fact that # "as "earing a non-standard-issue Walking &ead uniform, but the fact that # "as actually "earing a celebritys body$

Oh, yeah$ /hats right$ 2 second later, # sa" one of them detach itself from the nest and slink o%er$ #t took a second for me to register that it "as my sister, 4rida$ /hats ho" much shed been assimilated to resemble all the others$ 5h, 6ikki( she said, pretending like she didnt kno" it "as actually me$ # stopped in my tracks and stared at her$ /hats because she "as "earing a red and gold /2*S cheerleading uniform$ 2nd looked totally adorable in it$ &id you change into that "hen you got here( # blurted$ #t "as the first thing that popped into my head$ 4ortunately, "e "ere far enough from e%eryone that there "as no "ay anyone could o%erhear us$ ,ecause Mom "ould ne%er ha%e let you out of the house in that$ &oes she e%en kno" you made the s7uad( # changed "hen # got here, 4rida said impatiently$ 2nd no$ 2nd youre supposed to act like you dont kno" me$ # dont kno" you, # said, taking in the short pleated skirt$ ,ut $ $ $ it looks $ $ $ it looks $ $ $ &ont e%en say it, Em, 4rida said, her eyes narro"ing$ $ $ $ cute$ 4ridas +a" sagged$ Wait $ $ $ did you +ust say "hat # think you said( # think 6ikki is catching or something, # said, shaking my head$ #m starting to like all kinds of things # used to hate$ .ike ,randon Stark( 4rida "anted to kno"$ ,ecause there "as a picture of you on /MH this morning, being carried out of )a%e last night by him$ 2lso one that sho"ed you "ith your legs spread apart as you fell into the limo, and you could see yourE My blood "ent cold$ Mom didnt see it, did she( .ike she checks Pere!*ilton first thing in the morning$ Shes too busy trying to call you$ 2re you e%er going to ans"er that cellphone she ga%e you( 2ll # can say is, good thing you "ere "earing panties$ Oh my od, 4rida said to me under her breath$ &ont look no", but, like, e%eryone is checking you out$ /heyre all staring 3 # said, &O6/ .OO=$ ,ut theyre all looking$ /heyre 3 hey$ Where did you get those necklaces( # dont kno", # said$ /heyre 6ikkis$ # think theyre from her Stark clothing line$ # can get you some, # thinkE /hatd be a"esome$ 1ust look at them, she said "ith relish, glancing back at Whitney and the other dead-eyed "annabes$ /heyre trying to figure out "hat #m doing, talking to you$ # said, &O6/ .OO=$ /hen she added, Oh my od, Whitney is looking o%er here$ W*#/6E0 -O,E-/SO6 #S .OO=#6 O>E- *E-E 3 this is ama!ing$ Whitney -obertson is actually looking at me$ ME$ Shes ne%er looked at me before, e%er$ /his is the best day of my life$ 0eah, "ell, # said, brushing by 4rida to head into the school, so # could get to the 2dministration Office$ Welcome to 6ikki *o"ards "orld, 4rida$ ood to kno" someone appreciates it$ 2s # slipped through the doors, # glanced o%er my shoulder and sa" about thirty people rush up to 4rida, all clamouring to kno" "hat she and # had talked about$ 4rida played it cool, shrugging and playing "ith her hair$ ,ut it "as clear she "as in hea%en$ /oo bad that for her to get that "ay, # "as going to ha%e to go through hell$ /hey assigned me my old locker$ # should ha%e kno"n that they "ould of course$ #ts not like anyone else had dropped out mid-semester$ 2nd e%en if someone had, #m sure theres a "aiting list to get into /2*S, "hich, in spite of its high population of Walking &ead 8or perhaps because of(9, is considered a %ery good school$ # "as pretty sure, in fact, that Stark Enterprises had paid a hefty endo"ment in order to get me to the top of that "aiting list$ So it "asnt any "onder that # ended up "ith my old locker $ $ $ and in many 3 though not all 3 of my old classes$ /here "as apparently some concern that 6ikki *o"ard "ouldnt be able to keep up in the 2P courses Em Watts had originally been enrolled in $ $ $ especially in light of her alleged amnesia$ # had to do some fast-talking back

in the 2dmin Office, but did manage to get 6ikki *o"ard enrolled in 2P English, bio and trig 8# assured them that if # couldnt keep up "ith any of my classes, #d drop out of them9$ Of course, ha%ing missed a months "orth of school, there "as a %ery good likelihood # actually "ouldnt be able to catch up $ $ $ but # "as "illing to try, if it meant # could be in some classes, at least, "ith )hristopher$ *o" else "as # going to strike up a friendship "ith him other"ise( #t "as "eird pretending like # didnt kno" my combination so my student guide, this freshman #d ne%er met before, "ouldnt think # had ESP or something$ /he freshman, Molly *ung, "as totally freaking out o%er the fact that she "as sho"ing 6ikki *o"ard around her school$ She "as really shy, and # sa" her fingers shaking as she sho"ed me ho" to spin the combination lock$ 2fter shed let me try the combo myself a fe" times, to get used to it 3 and after #d pulled the locker open and seen, to my dismay, that all my stuff "as gone 8although of course # should ha%e e'pected that9 she finally "orked up the courage to ask a 7uestion$ &o you really go out "ith ,randon Stark( she "anted to kno"$ ,-because # sa" a picture of you "ith him once $ $ $ 5h, # said$ 0eah$ # mean, "ere kind of keeping it casual$ # had, um, an accident, and #E Oh: Molly flung a hand up o%er her mouth and looked horrified$ -ight: # forgot: 0ou cant remember$ #m so sorry: -eally$ od, #m so stupid$ #ts O=, # told her$ &ont "orry about it$ ,ut she "ent around looking like she "anted to kill herself any"ay$ She "alked me to my first-period class 3 #d been lucky enough 8sarcasm9 to get back into Public Speaking 3 and, at the door, she said, 5m $ $ $ # kno" ho" hard it must be, starting at a ne" school, "here you dont kno" anyone$ So if you "ant to sit "ith me at lunch, that 3 that "ould be cool "ith me$ 5h, # said$ # hadnt e%en thought about the crucial lunch-seating situation$ Who "ould # be sitting "ith any"ay( # had +ust assumed #d sit "ith 4rida, but # reali!ed no" that "ould be absurd$ Why "ould 6ikki *o"ard sit "ith some girl "ith "hom shed had a casual con%ersation on the steps in front of the school( /he truth "as, 6ikki *o"ard "ould probably go out to lunch any"ay$ Oh, "ho "as # kidding( 6ikki *o"ard "ould ne%er ha%e been in a regular high school in the first place$ E'cept as some stunt for a reality sho"$ /hanks, # said to Molly$ #f # ha%e lunch in the caff, #ll try to look for you$ Well, ha%e a good class, Molly said, blushing "ith pleasure$ 2nd if you need me, heres my cell$ )all me for anything$ 260/*#6 $ O=( O=, # said, and smiled at her$ /o my surprise, Molly blushed e%en harder$ /hen she hurried a"ay, giggling, and looking really $ $ $ "ell, pleased is the only "ay # can describe it$ )an # +ust say its totally "eird to smile at someone and ha%e them seem so e'cited about it( 2fter all, it "as +ust a smile$ 6o one E>E- used to react like that "hen # smiled at them back in my old body$ ,ut in 6ikkis body, "hen # smile, e%eryone practically seems to ha%e a heart attack$ E'cept ,randons dad$ 2nd # kne" things "ere only going to get "eirder "hen # "alked into Public Speaking 3 late, thanks to all the forms #d had to fill out in the office, and the fact that # didnt kno" stuff like 6ikki *o"ards Social Security number$ E%ery time someone asked me for it, # had to look it up 8#d remembered to charge her Sidekick9, but that "as O= though, because # "as supposed to ha%e lost my memory any"ay$ # "alked into Public Speaking, interrupting an oral presentation Mc=ayla &onofrio "as gi%ing on the importance of reading to your children$ She stopped dead "hen she sa" me, and +ust stared$ Soon the rest of the class "oke up and did the same thing$ #t took a second or t"o for Mr reer to notice no one "as talking, and to open his o"n eyes and see me standing there$ Oh, he said, pretending hed been a"ake the "hole time$ 0es$ /hey told me to e'pect you$ 6ikki *o"ard, right( -ight, # said, holding out my late pass and admission slip$ *i$

 reat, great, Mr reer said, taking both slips and not e%en looking at them$ )lass, this is 6ikki *o"ard$ Shes a ne" student "holl be +oining us for the rest of the semester$ 6ikki, grab an empty seat $ $ $ # think theres one o%er there $ $ $ *e pointed to my old seat$ Of course$ # "ent to"ards it, my head ducked, pretending # couldnt hear all the "hispers as # slid into my old seat$ )hristopher, #d noticed "hen #d risked a glance at him, "as a"ake, for once$ 2nd that "asnt the only thing about him that had changed; *ed cut his hair$ # didnt mean to suddenly stagger to a standstill and stare at this guy "ho "as supposed to be a stranger to me, but it "as pretty hard not to, since # hadnt 3 e%er 3 seen )hristopher "ith hair abo%e his neck$ one "as the long blonde curtain that had s"ept past his shoulders for as long as # could remember 3 certainly since middle school, and all through high school$ *e no" "ore his hair in a cut indistinguishable from Whitney -obertsons boyfriend, 1ason =lein$ #n fact, if #d +ust glanced in )hristophers direction, # might e%en ha%e mistaken him for 1ason =lein, thats ho" close the resemblance "as no"$ /here "as nothing at all to tell him apart from the rest of the Walking &ead$ *e "as e%en "earing "hat appeared to be a pale green polo shirt "ith his +eans$ What had happened( # kno" it must ha%e been upsetting and all, "atching me die 8sort of9 right in front of him, and going to my memorial ser%ice and all that$ ,ut upsetting enough to ha%e turned him preppy( So, 6ikki, +ust to get you up to speed, Mr reer said, startling me from my full-on open-mouthed astonishment, "ere doing fi%e-minute persuasi%e arguments on a topic of the students choice$ # "ont e'pect you to ha%e anything ready for this "eek, but if you feel up to it you can try ne't "eek$ O=, # said 7uickly, tearing my ga!e from )hristopher and sliding into my seat$ # automatically flipped open my brand-ne" notebook 3 anything to take my mind off "hat had happened to )hristopher 3 and stared blindly straight ahead$ ,ut it "as really hard to concentrate on "hat Mc=ayla "as saying$ # couldnt stop thinking about )hristopher and his hair, e%en though, no" that my back "as to him, # couldnt see him any more$ What had happened to him( *ad the Walking &ead assimilated him, +ust like they had my little sister( *o" could this ha%e happened in such a short time( # reali!e #d been gone o%er a month, but still: *o" could he ha%e cut his hair like that( *ed resisted the )ommander for so long2nd then # died, and bang $ $ $ resistance "as suddenly futile( 6o: 6o, that "as +ust so "rong: 6ot that his haircut looked bad$ <uite the opposite, actually$ E%en 4rida "ould ha%e to admit )hristopher looked good$ -eally good$ /his "as an alarming de%elopment # "ished shed "arned me about$ Supposing )hristopher, no" that he had this ne" look, "as actually attracting female attention( # mean, besides mine$ 6o$ #t "asnt possible$ /he only female attention )hristopher had e%er attracted before "as mine, and he hadnt e%en been a"are of it 8or at least, that #d been female9$ ,ut he looked really, really good no"$ # mean, # al"ays thought he looked good$ ,ut no" e%eryone had to ha%e noticed ho" good he looked$ What if he "as going out "ith someone( Oh, "hy hadnt # thought to ask 4rida "hat "as going on "ith him, romantically( 2 lot can happen in a month 3 ob%iously$ # mean, look at me$ /alk about makeo%ers $ $ $ # had a "hole ne" body$ 6ot to mention a ne" face, name, Social Security number $ $ $ 2s if the fact that # suspected my best friend might be cheating on me "ith other girls 8only not really, because he ne%er kne" #d liked him that "ay in the first place, plus, he thought # "as dead9 "asnt bad enough, # kept getting the feeling that e%eryone in class "as looking at me$ # "as probably only being self-conscious$ ,ut a 7uick glance up from the doodles # "as making in my ne" notebook confirmed it; # "asnt imagining things $ $ $ e%eryone "as staring at me$ /he minute # looked up, e%ery head in the room s"i%elled 7uickly a"ay from me $ $ $ e'cept, "hen # pretended to drop my pencil and s"ung do"n to pick it up and took a 7uick look in his direction, )hristophers head$ )hristophers ga!e "as fastened on to Mc=ayla$ *e hadnt e%en noticed me: What "as up "ith that( Why "as he e%en a"ake any"ay( *e al"ays slept through

first period$ Was )hristopher going out "ith Mc=ayla( 6o "ay$ Mc=ayla "as head of /2*Ss business club$ ,usiness club$ 6o "ay could he like her$ 2ll she could talk about "as ho" after she graduated from *ar%ard, she "as going to re%olutioni!e Wall Street$ )hristopher couldnt like her$ *e couldnt possibly $ $ $ # could see # "as going to make a lot of progress thinking in that direction$ 4rustrated, # began doodling harder$ # dre" a tiny poodle, this one of )osabella$ .ulu had promised last night to look after her "hile # "as in school all day$ /he poor thing had "hined and yelped "hen shed seen me lea%ing the loft "ithout her$ # didnt kno" much about dogs, but this didnt seem like the most stable beha%iour$ *ad 6ikki really taken her dog E>E-0W*E-E "ith her( ,ecause )osy certainly acted like it "as a federal offence if she "as left behind$ # "as dreading the mess #d find at home "hen # got back$ # highly doubted .ulu "as the most responsible dogsitter$ # "as fairly certain thered be some ma+or carpet-scrubbing to do tonight$ Oh "ell$ 6ikkis fingers needed limbering up any"ay$ /hey "ere basically useless$ # couldnt dra" a thing "ith them $ $ $ not e%en a measly poodle$ What had 6ikki *o"ard done "ith her hands all day any"ay( 0ou can only put on so many layers of nail polish, right( Psst$ # looked o%er my shoulder, hoping )hristopher "as the one pssting me$ Only he "asnt$ Whitney -obertson smiled at me$ 0eah$ Whitney$ Smiled$ 2t me$ /he ne't thing # kne", a folded-up piece of paper sailed in my direction$ # caught it$ When # unfolded it, # reali!ed it "as a note$ 2 note from Whitney$ # didnt kno" "hat to do$ Whitney had ne%er thro"n me a note before$ # sa" her fello" Walking &ead member, .indsey, t"inkle her fingers at me$ .ike, hello: She "as smiling, as "ell$ #nstincti%ely, and before # could stop myself, # smiled back$ Wait: What "as # doing( Smiling at the Walking &ead( &ucking my head so that 6ikkis hair fell do"n to hide my face, # looked at the note$ *i: it said, in curlicue "riting "ith a flo"er dotting the i$ Welcome to /2*S: Were so e'cited to ha%e you here$ #m Whitney -obertson$ # kno" you probably get this a lot, but seriously 3 #myour biggest fan$ # kno" a lot of people say that, but in my case, its really true$ #%e been an admirer of your "ork since you first started back in print ads$ 2ny"ay, # kno" it must be "eird for you, starting a ne" school and all$ So # +ust "anted to say *ey: 2nd if you ha%e Period , lunch, theres totally a place for you at our table: Were by the salad bar$ TTTCCC Whitney /hen she put her cellphone number$ # stared at that note for a long time$ 2 lot of different responses "ent through my head as # read and then reread it$ # thought about crumpling it up and thro"ing it back in her face$ /hen # thought about "riting a response, and saying that #d heard all about Whitney and ho" mean shed al"ays been, and that # "ouldnt sit "ith her and her friends at lunch if they "ere the last people on earth$ ,ut # didnt end up doing either of those things$ ,ecause 3 and # kno" this sounds bi!arre 3 but # really didnt think 6ikki *o"ard "ould do either of those things$ 6ot that # "as actually trying to ,E 6ikki *o"ard of course$ 2t least, not at school$ ,ut since # W2S her, # +ust $ $ $ # dont kno"$ # +ust couldnt see 6ikki *o"ard 3 "hat # kne" of her any"ay 3 caring about "hat some t"erpy girl like Whitney "rote to her in a note$ # guess thats because, "hen # looked deep do"n "ithin myself, # +ust couldnt be bothered to care about Whitney any more, or her stupid one-upmanship$ # had too many other problems$ .ike that my best friend couldnt e%en bring himself to make eye contact "ith me$ Still, # kne" if # didnt ackno"ledge her note at all shed feel slighted$ 2nd # didnt need to make a ne" enemy my first day$ E%en if she "asnt e'actly a 6EW enemy$

So # flipped my hair back, turned in my seat and smiled at her$ 2nd something e'traordinary happened$ Whitney -obertson blushed$ Seriously$ # ne%er thought #d li%e to see the day$ ,ut her cheeks turned bright pink "ith pleasure, and she smiled back at me and "a%ed, and .indsey, behind her, "a%ed too$ 2nd Whitney mouthed, )all me: 2nd pantomimed making a phone call$ # smiled again to ackno"ledge her, then turned back in my seat$ /his being 6ikki thing "as easier 3 in some "ays 3 than #d thought it "ould be$ Whitney "as all o%er me the minute class ended$ Which "asnt cool, because #d +ust been about to turn to )hristopher and make a little comment as a sort of icebreaker, like, #s this class al"ays this boring, or "hat( Only # couldnt, because the Prom <ueen 4rom *ell "as on me like ketchup on a steak$ *o" 2-E you( she hurried o%er to ask me as soon as the bell rang$ # sa" on Entertainment /onight about your $ $ $ you kno"$ #t must be so a"ful, not being able to -EMEM,E- anything: # can remember some stuff, # said as # gathered my things$ 4or instance, # could remember all the times Whitney and her friends had laughed at my under"ear in the girls locker room, because they "ere *anes *er Way briefs and not >ictorias Secret thongs, "hich is "hat they all "ore$ Oh, thats good, Whitney said$ Well, like # said, #m Whitney and this is .indseyE *i: .indsey cried$ #m, like, totally your biggest fan$ # lo%ed that spread you did in >ogue in 1uly, "ith the gold accessories, and the tigerE 3 and "ere +ust so e'cited to ha%e you here at /2*S, Whitney "ent on, speaking right o%er .indsey as if she hadnt said anything$ #t is such an honour that out of all the schools in 6e" 0ork you chose oursE 2re you guys going to mo%e any time soon( )hristopher, "ho "as standing behind us, in7uired$ ,ecause some of us need to get to our ne't class$ Whitney glanced at him o%er her shoulder, then rolled her eyes and mo%ed out of the "ay$ My heart s"ooped at that eye roll$ ,ecause it meant that, haircut or not, )hristopher hadnt been accepted by the Walking &ead$ *e "asnt one of them: *e may ha%e looked like he "as, but he "asnt$ *e "as still safe: *e "as still him: /hanks, )hristopher said as he "alked by$ See you later, # said to him$ *e thre" me a distracted look o%er his shoulder 3 as if hed heard someone speak, but "asnt sure "ho 3 before disappearing into the throng in the hall"ay$ ,eside me, Whitney sneered and said, Sorry about that$ &ont pay him any mind$ One of our resident freaks$ So you kno", if you ha%e any 7uestions about /2*S or need anyone to sho" you around, #d be more than happy to help$ What are you doing for lunch, for instance( 0ou definitely dont "ant to go to the caff$ /he food there completely reeksE #s that the ne" Marc 1acobs hobo tote( .indsey interrupted, pointing to the bag slung o%er my shoulder$ ,ecause #m on the "aiting list for oneE # dont kno", # said$ # +ust found it in my closet this morning$ Waiting list$ *a: Well, # ha%e to get to Spanish$ So if youll e'cuse me $ $ $ Me too: .indsey s7uealed$ # think "e must be in the same Spanish class: -oom Si' Ele%en( Oh my &ios: *ere, let me sho" you "here it is$ od, .indsey, calm do"n, Whitney said crabbily #m sure 6ikki can find her o"n "ay$ /hats O=, # said, turning to look Whitney s7uare in the eye$ .indseys being a great help$ Well, bye, Whitney$ #t "as nice to meet you$ 2nd # "alked off arm-in-arm "ith .indsey, conscious of being the recipient of a hundred en%ious stares as "e made our "ay do"n the hall 3 Whitneys the most en%ious of all$

,ut this time, it didnt bother me$ ,ecause for once # "as ha%ing too much fun to "orry about it$ /"enty-one

# found 4rida "here she al"ays "as +ust before lunch; the ground floor ladies room the freshmen girls tended to haunt, carefully applying her lipgloss$ /here "ere any number of other freshmen girls in there "ith her, but one look at me and they fled as if someone had pulled a fire alarm$ #m sure, gi%en 6ikki *o"ards reputation, they thought #d gone in there to do drugs$ 0oud ha%e thought theyd ha%e stuck around to "atch, maybe snap a camera pic of me "iping my nose to sell to the En7uirer for some e'tra cash$ ,ut /2*Ss freshmen class had ne%er had a reputation for being that enterprising$ ,esides, the truth "as much tamer; # "as in there to pump 4rida for information$ Why didnt you tell me )hristopher cut his hair( # demanded, lo"ering myself on to the sink beside the one she "as leaning against$ What( She puckered at her reflection as she reapplied$ Oh, yeah$ )hristopher cut his hair$ 6e"s at ele%en$ Whate%er$ *e did it for your memorial ser%ice$ *is dad made him$ # stared at her reflection in shock$ /hats terrible: 4rida simpered in the mirror$ 0ou think so( # thought it "as sort of respectful$ 0ou kno", of your memory$ *is long hair "as gross$ 2nd besides, )hristopher didnt put up much of a fight, from "hat # heard$ *es been like a !ombie since you croaked$ *e doesnt seem to care about anything$ # perked up at hearing this$ -eally( &id he cry( 2t my funeral, # mean( 4rida shot me an annoyed look$ od, you are so %ain no"$ # am not: # hopped off the sink and glared at her$ # am totally the least %ain person you kno"$ *o" can you e%en say that( 2ll # "ant to kno" is if )hristopher seemed sad after # died$ /hats not %anity$ /hats +ust curiosity$ #f you had died, youd probably e'pect the city to shut do"n and name a day after youE # "ould not, 4rida said "ith a sniff$ 2nd # suppose )hristopher might ha%e seemed sad$ ,ut # dont e%en kno" "hy you care$ # thought you t"o "ere +ust friends$ 2nd you can do "ay better than )hristopher no"$ 2nd besides, you already ha%e ,randon Stark 3 and abriel .una, probably, unless that >espa ride "as a fluke$ *o" many boyfriends do you need, any"ay( # ignored her$ Who does )hristopher eat lunch "ith no"( # asked her$ # mean, no" that #m dead( 6ot Mc=ayla &onofrio$ Please dont say Mc=ayla &onofrio $ $ $ # dont kno", 4rida said grumpily$ # ne%er see him in the caff any more$ Someone said hes been eating in the computer lab$ 0ou kno" he "orks there as a /eaching 2ssistantE /hanks, # said, and started to hurry off to find )hristopher 3 but not before # heard 4rida shout after me, 0ou better come eat "ith me, Em 3 # mean, 6ikki: # already told e%erybody you "ere going to: &ont you dare stand me up: ,ut # didnt ha%e time to "orry about my sisters reputation amongst the +unior-%arsity cheerleading cro"d$ # only had forty minutes before lunch "as o%er and # had to get to my ne't class$ # raced do"n the hall to"ards the computer lab 8fortunately not running into Molly *ung, "ho might ha%e "ondered ho" # kne" my "ay around /2*S so deftly after her e'tremely short tour9 $ $ $ 2nd there he "as, e'actly "here 4rida had said he might be, in the empty computer lab, eating a sand"ich in the glo" of a solitary game of $ $ $ Madden 64.( ,ut )hristopher ne%er played sports-related %ideo games$ )hristopher hated sports$ What "as going on here( Still, # really dont think #d be e'aggerating if # said that, though he "as doing something e'tremely bi!arre 8based on his old patterns of beha%iour any"ay9, )hristopher looked adorable "ith his short blond hair totally rumpled$ *e clearly hadnt bothered combing it, instead ha%ing let it air-dry after his sho"er on his "ay to school$ /he collar of his green polo shirt "as slightly aske" in the back, and bits of sand"ich crumb had spilt do"n the front$ *ed ne%er been one for "orking out, so his biceps, disappearing into his short slee%es, "erent ridiculously huge-looking, like 1ason =leins$ ,ut they "erent none'istent either$ 5m, # said, since he "as so in%ol%ed in the game he didnt notice me standing in the door"ay$ E'cuse me( *e glanced o%er and nearly choked on the mouthful of soda hed s"igged$ /hen he couldnt say anything at all, because he "as too busy coughing$ Sorry, # said$ Whoa$ # probably should ha%e rehearsed this a little better$ What "as 6ikki doing in a computer

lab any"ay( What "as my e'cuse for seeking )hristopher out going to be( # +ust $ $ $ # "as "ondering 3 /he 2dministration Office is do"n the hall, )hristopher said, ha%ing reco%ered himself$ /hen, to my utter astonishment, he turned around in his chair and returned to his game$ Of Madden 64.$ Oh yes$ )hristopher Maloney had +ust blo"n me off$ 4or a %ideo game$ 2nd not e%en a good %ideo game$ 2nd he hadnt e%en blo"n off me either, but 6ikki *o"ard$ *ed +ust blo"n off the hottest teen supermodel on the planet$ What "as "rong "ith him( # kno" he liked 6ikki *o"ard$ #d seen for myself ho" hed stared at her that day at the grand opening at Starks$ What "as going on here( 2nd "hy hadnt # figured out before "hat # "as going to say to him( Why did talking to people ha%e to be so hard( /his "ould ha%e so much easier if # could ha%e +ust #Med him$ Wait $ $ $ email $ $ $ # kno" this isnt the 2dministration Office, # said 7uickly$ /hey said in the 2dministration Office that # could sign up for a student email account here$ /his "asnt e%en a lie$ /hat "as the most glorious part of all$ Oh, )hristopher said$ *e looked a"ay from his computer screen reluctantly$ Sure$ 0eah$ # can set you up "ith one, if you "ant$ 0ou can( # rushed o%er and sank do"n into the computer chair beside his$ Wo", that "ould be so great$ /hanks$ # smiled at him$ 2nd he completely ignored me$ #ts true #d only been 6ikki *o"ard for a couple of days in the outside "orld$ ,ut # had already learned in that short time "hat 6ikkis smile did to people$ Especially guys$ #t rendered them completely helpless$ uys turned to total 1ell-O "hen 6ikki smiled$ /hey "ould do anything 3 anything 3 6ikki "anted "hen she smiled$ /here "as only one guy "ho had seemed immune to 6ikkis smile, and that had been ,randon Starks father$ 2nd no" the only guy in the "orld "ho # actually cared about impressing 3 )hristopher Maloney 3 "as immune too$ *e "ouldnt e%en look me in the face$ *e kept his ga!e firmly on the computer screen in front of me as he dre" up the schools email database$ *o" "as # going to get through to )hristopher 3 as a person, not as 6ikki *o"ard 3 if # couldnt e%en get him to look me in the eye and see that there "as someone in here, behind the mascara( So, # began, feeling desperate$ 0ou like $ $ $ computer games( Oh my od, could # sound more lame( #f #d been in the computer lab 8# mean, as Em Watts9 listening to this con%ersation bet"een 6ikki *o"ard and )hristopher, #d be laughing my butt off round about no"$ Some of them, )hristopher said, tapping a"ay at his keyboard$ Me too, # said$ *a%e you e%er played 1ourney7uest( /hat got his attention$ 4inally$ *e turned his stunned ga!e to"ards me$ 0ou play 1ourney7uest( he asked incredulously$ Sure, # said, my heart gi%ing a happy double thump, despite the fact that # probably should ha%e been insulted$ # mean, "hat "as so "eird about 6ikki *o"ard liking 1ourney7uest( What, she "as too stupid to play a tacticbased -P ( Oh, "ho e%en cared( *ed looked at me: *ed looked me in the eye: #t "ouldnt be long no" until "e "ere friends again: *ed ask me o%er and soon "ed be eating &oritos and "atching surgery sho"s and getting yelled at by the )ommander, +ust like old times$ E%erything "ould be normal again$ E%erything "ould be +ust like it used to be$ # "as so happy: *appier than # could remember being since #d looked into that rear-%ie" mirror and seen 6ikki *o"ards face looking back at me$ .e%el forty-fi%e is only as high as #%e gotten though, # said$ .e%el forty-fi%e, )hristopher: #ts me, )hristopher: Em: .ook at me, )hristopher: .ook into my eyes: &o you see

me( *i, its me, Em: #m looking right at you: )hristopher studied me a moment longer, and # could ha%e s"orn he sa" me$ # really thought he had$ ,ut then he completely crushed me by looking a"ay$ # dont play that game any more, "as all he said, and he "ent back to typing$ Wait$ What( What +ust happened( What did he mean, he didnt play 1ourney7uest any more( 6o one +ust stops playing 1ourney7uest$ #ts not +ust a game$ #ts a lifestyle$ 2nd "hat about me( Me, Em( *ad he seen me or not( *e hadnt$ *e couldnt possibly, right( Or he "ouldnt ha%e looked a"ay$ 0eah, he said$ So your ne" email address is going to be 6ikki dot *o"ard at /2*S dot E&5$ #t should be effecti%e right a"ay$ What "as going on( Why "as he +ust ignoring me like this( uys dont +ust ignore 6ikki *o"ard$ Em Watts, yes$ ,ut e%en gay guys ask 6ikki "hat kind of moisturi!er she uses 8not that # kno" the ans"er9$ O=, # said, not kno"ing "hat else to say$ /hanks$ O=$ )hristopher didnt "ant to talk to me$ # mean, 6ikki *o"ard$ # could take a hint$ 6o$ 6o, actually, # really couldnt$ 0ou kno" ho" to set up your student email account at home( )hristopher asked me$ -ight( # kne" ho" to set up my o"n email account$ #d been setting up my o"n email accounts since #d gotten my first one in the fifth grade$ My mom, the "omens studies professor, had al"ays urged 4rida and me ne%er to act dumb +ust to try to "in o%er a guy$ ,ut this "as one case, # felt, "here shed ha%e understood$ ,ecause suddenly # reali!ed # had an e'cuse to talk to )hristopher again tomorro"$ 2nd # really, really needed one$ ,ecause it didnt look as if he "as going to be asking me o%er for &oritos and surgery sho"s any time soon$ # really dont kno" ho" to do that setting-up thingy, # said$ # "as practically batting my eyelashes, # "as hamming up the defenceless-female thing so much$ My mom "ould ha%e had a coronary$ )hristopher stared at me$ 0ou dont, he said$ *e didnt sound too surprised$ 6o, # said$ #s it hard( &o you kno" ho" to do it( 0es, he said$ #ts not hard$ &o you ha%e something in your eye( # 7uit batting my eyelashes$ 6o, # said, dropping the defenceless-female thing$ &ang, "hy did flirting ha%e to be so difficult( Why couldnt he +ust grab and kiss me like ,randon and 1ustin had( # "as good at kissing: Or at least, 6ikki "as$ #f # +ust bring in my laptop tomorro", "ill you set me up( Sure, he said$ # couldnt belie%e he hadnt fallen for the eyelash thing$ Which, by the "ay, # "as pretty sure "ould ha%e made 1ustin ,ay fall o%er$ #n a coma$ /hatll be fine$ reat$ # smiled at him$ # put it at full "attage, the kind of smile that had caused -aoul, the art director, to say yesterday, 6ikki, could you tone it do"n a little( We arent selling used cars here$ ,ut # didnt "ant to tone it do"n any more$ # "anted to do "hate%er # had to in order to get a reaction from )hristopher$ 6ot that it appeared to be "orking, since he continued +ust to stare at me blankly$ #m 6ikki, by the "ay, # said, still smiling$ # mean, # kno" you kno" that$ ,ut $ $ $ # stuck out my right hand$ )hristopher didnt smile in return$ #m )hristopher, he said, taking my hand and shaking it$ Maloney$ *is grip "as firm, but strangely lifeless$ # dont kno" ho" to describe it, e'cept that $ $ $

#t "as like shaking hands "ith a dead person$ # mean, someone "ho really "as dead, only still "alking around$ Which made no sense, since # "as that person$ *is fingers "ere "arm, like mine$ # kne" he "asnt dead$ 6ot really$ #t "as like something inside him had +ust $ $ $ gi%en up$ .ike "ith his battle o%er his hair "ith his dad$ *ed +ust $ $ $ surrendered, after all these years$ *e honestly didnt care any more$ What "as going on "ith him( What "as "rong "ith him( 2nd ho" "as # going to get close enough to him to find out, "hen # could barely get him to look at me to see that # "as here, inside 6ikki *o"ard( # didnt "ant to let go of his hand $ $ $ and # didnt think it "as because of 6ikkis "antonness either$ # mean, a hand is different than lips or a tongue$ #t +ust felt so good to be close to him again, to be in his presence, e%en if he didnt kno" it "as me$ ,ut # kne" # had to let go, because you cant sit around in a computer lab holding hands "ith some guy you +ust met$ E%en if you "ere best friends "ith him in a past life, and you are a teenaged supermodel no"$ So # dropped his hand $ $ $ +ust a second after he tugged on it to release it from mine$ )learly he thought # "as a cra!y person$ # half e'pected him to "ipe his hand on his +eans$ ,ut he restrained himself$ So, # said, ducking to gather up my Marc 1acobs tote in an effort to hide my mortification$ #m headed do"n to the cafeteria for lunch$ &o you "ant to +oin me( # kne" "hat he "as going to say before he said it$ 5h, no, thanks, )hristopher said, gi%ing me a strange look$ ,ut en+oy yourself$ Stay a"ay from the tuna salad$ #t "as the first remotely humorous thing hed said$ # reali!ed ho" much #d missed his sarcastic remarks$ 2lmost as much as #d missed him$ /hanks, # said, "ith another smile$ ,ut once again it seemed to ha%e no effect on him$ *e returned to his computer screen, going back to Madden 64. "ithout another "ord$ 2nd # slunk from the lab, embarrassed, hurt $ $ $ and more than a little confused$ Oh my od, there you are, 4rida cried, rushing up to me in the hall"ay$ #%e been "aiting for, like, e%er$ Where "ere you( # "ent to see )hristopher in the computer lab, # said$ # told youE od, 4rida muttered$ Why are you hanging out "ith that geek "hen you could be "ith abriel .una( abriel .una thinks #m a drug addict, # pointed out, remembering last nights embarrassing social gaffe$ Which are all # seem to ha%e, apparently, "here cute guys are concerned$ Well, "hate%er, 4rida said, grabbing my arm$ )ome on$ # told e%eryone on the 1> s7uad you "ere sitting "ith us at lunch today$ 2nd +ust ho", e'actly, # asked as she propelled me along, are you and # supposed to ha%e met, 4rida, and become so chummy that #m sitting "ith you at lunch no"( We met outside the school on the steps this morning, 4rida said$ -emember( E%erybody sa" us together$ reat, # said, rolling my eyes$ 4rida, "hats "rong "ith )hristopher( *es a freak, 4rida said as she dragged me to"ards the cafeteria$ *e al"ays "as$ 0oure +ust noticing it no" because youre finally normal$ 6o, # mean $ $ $ "hat happened to him( *es $ $ $ different$ *e doesnt e%en like 1ourney7uest any more$ *e plays Madden 64.$ )hristopher hates sports$ 2nd he $ $ $ # cant really e'plain it$ ,ut its like he 3 # "ent in there to get an email address for 6ikki, and hed barely look at me$ Oh, and # suppose you thought hed be all o%er you, 4rida said "ith a snort, +ust because youre 6ikki *o"ard no"$ Well, # said$ # didnt "ant to sound snotty$ ,ut $ $ $ 0eah$ # mean $ $ $ hes a guy, right( 2nd guys are usually all o%er 6ikki$ 5nless theyre gay$ So "hats "rong "ith him(

What do you "ant me to say, Em( # mean, 6ikki$ # told you, hes been "eird e%er since you croaked$ # mean, "eirder than usual$ # guess he "as +ust al"ays in lo%e "ith you, but didnt reali!e it until you "ere gone, and no" that youre dead, hes "asting a"ay$ #s that "hat you "ant to hear( She flung a glance at me o%er her shoulder, sa" my e'pression and let out a bark of laughter$ od: #t is: et o%er yourself$ 0ou can ha%e any guy you "ant no"$ Why do you ha%e to like the one guy "ho liked you better "hen you "ere +ust a%erage, like the rest of us( Wed reached the cafeteria doors$ 4rida turned to confront me "ith her hands on her hips$ # stared do"n at her "ith tear-filled eyes$ Oh my od, 4rida, # said "ith a little sob$ &o $ $ $ do you really think thats it( 4rida stared up at me$ Oh my od$ 0ou really like him, dont you( .isten $ $ $ *o" am # supposed to kno"( #m +ust saying$ #t might make sense$ ,ut # could be totally "rong$ .ook, )hristopher is the least of your problems right no"$ 0ou are about to enter the /ribeca 2lternati%e *igh School cafeteria$ Only its a "hole ne" ball game than it "as a month ago$ 0oure hot no"$ &o you understand( 0ou ha%e got to get )hristopher out of your head and put on your game face$ 0oure 6ikki *o"ard, supermodel$ 6ot Em Watts, "eirdo$ ot it( # nodded$ ,ut # "asnt really listening$ # kept thinking about "hat shed said$ Was it really possible( )ould )hristopher ha%e reali!ed, after #d died, that he lo%ed me( Was that "hy he didnt "ant to play 1ourney7uest any more( ,ecause it reminded him of me( Was that "hy hed finally consented to cut his hair( ,ecause nothing mattered to him any more, no" that # "as gone( Oh od: /hat "as the most romantic thing #d e%er heard: ,ut "hat "as # going to do about it( *o" "as # going to get )hristopher interested in 6ikki *o"ard if he "as busy pining a"ay for a dead girl( Who, by the "ay, happened to be me$ 2nd, no offence, but you "ould ha%e thought hed ha%e been a little nicer to me back "hen #d been ali%e, if hed been so madly in lo%e "ith me$ ,ut hed ne%er e%en so much as tried to kiss me$ Wait $ $ $ maybe thats "hat he "as feeling so bad about: Oh: /hat "as e%en more romantic: ,ut before # had a chance to really digest that, 4rida "as yanking me on the arm and "e "ere in the caff $ $ $ $ $ $ "here the %olume of the con%ersation, already at an ear-splitting din, increased tenfold at the mere sight of me in the door"ay$ /here she is: /he murmur rippled through the entire cafeteria$ 2nd not +ust the Walking &ead "ere saying it$ /he geeks, the goths, the skaters, the druggies $ $ $ all of them "ere saying it$ /here she is: # felt myself turning red $ $ $ # dont kno" about this, 4ree, # said as 4rida herded me to"ards the hot-food line and thrust a tray into my hands$ /rust me, 4rida said$ E%en supermodels ha%e to eat, dont they( Maybe so$ ,ut it might ha%e been easier simply to get something out of the %ending machines do"n the hall, acid reflu' or not$ # "as e'cruciatingly a"are of being the centre of e%eryones attention as # made my "ay do"n the food line$ My selections "ere bu!!ed about as if #d been /iger Woods, lining up a game-"inning putt$ Shes going for the tofu patty, # heard them "hispering$ /hen, seconds later, 2n apple: She took an apple: # "anted to thro" do"n my tray and run from the room 3 run out of the school and all the "ay back to the hospital and up to the fourth floor into &r *olcombes office$ # need a ne" body: # cant be in this one a second longer: # cant be 6ikki *o"ard: # +ust "ant to be someone normal: #nstead, # stepped up to the cashier to pay for my food$ /hen # follo"ed 4rida to her table $ $ $ Where the entire +unior-%arsity cheerleading team "as sitting$ /hey all stopped talking as 4rida and # approached$ # fully e'pected them to say, What are you doing, trying to sit at our table, loser( /he geek table is o%er /*E-E$ ,ut #d forgotten$ #m not Em Watts, geek, any more$ #m 6ikki *o"ard$

2nd 6ikki *o"ard is apparently "elcome e%ery"here 8e'cept the computer lab9$ Oooh: a dark-haired girl cried, scooting her tray o%er$ #m so glad you came o%er here$ Sit by me: Sit by me, #m your hugest fan: 4rida took the place the girl "as offering though, after gi%ing her a se%ere look$ 6o", Macken!ie, she said sternly$ -emember "hat # said$ Sorry: Macken!ie turned beet red$ -ight, no gushing$ Sorry$ Sorry$ /he other girls, all smiling up at me, scooted o%er to make room$ # felt a little uneasy$ # couldnt 7uite belie%e # "as being WE.)OME& at a table belonging to the Walking &ead$ ,ut it soon became apparent our table "as /*E table to be at$ Especially "hen, no sooner had 4rida made introductions 8none of "hich # retained, since all her friends appeared to be called either /aylor, /yler or /ory9, a familiar %oice cried, /here you are: 2nd # turned my head to see Whitney -obertson standing there "ith a tray of salad and diet soda, .indsey and se%eral other key Walking &ead members from the +unior class 3 including one from the senior class, 1ason =lein 3 right behind her$ Oh my od, Whitney said$ #%e been looking all o%er for you$ 2nd the ne't thing # kne", she "as sho%ing red and gold uniforms aside to make "ay for herself, her boyfriend and her best friend$ /hanks muchly, she said to 4ridas friends, "ho hadnt so much as mo%ed as been pushed out of the "ay$ So, 6ikki, ho" are you en+oying your first day here at /2*S( Shes liking it a lot, Whitney 4rida, "hod apparently appointed herself my spokesperson, looked enormously pleased$ # guess its not e%ery day a freshman gets graced "ith the presence of the most popular girl in school at her lunch table$ 2rent you, 6ikki( # took a s"ig of my milk 8yeah$ 6ikki likes milk$ /"o per cent$ Shes got acid reflu', not lactose intolerance9$ 0eah, # said after #d s"allo"ed$ # "as telling 6ikki today in Public Speaking, Whitney said 3 then added, as an aside to e%eryone else at the table, 6ikki and # ha%e Public Speaking togetherE Me too: .indsey cried$ #m in 6ikkis Public Speaking class too: 2lso her Spanish class$ 2nd #m on the "aiting list for that Marc 1acobs tote $ $ $ 3 ho" "e feel so fortunate that she decided to attend our school, out of all the schools in the city Whitney "ent on, as if .indsey hadnt interrupted$ Wasnt #, 6ikki( 0eah, # said after s"allo"ing a bite of the salad #d gotten to accompany my tofu patty $ $ $ "hich tasted fantastic, and not at all like the cardboard bo' #d been e'pecting it to taste like$ # +ust "ish "ed had more ad%ance notice of her enrolment, Whitney "ent on, to e%eryone at the table$ ,ecause then "e could ha%e organi!ed a proper "elcome for her$ 2ll the girls nodded in agreement$ 1ason, # noticed, "as staring at my boobs$ #m not e%en kidding$ Wo", # said$ /hanks$ /hats really great$ ,ut # feel plenty "elcome enough$ Well, Whitney said #m going to be sure to get you a list of e'tra-curriculars, in case you decide you might "ant to +oin in on some of the fantastic clubs and organi!ations our school has to offer$ #, for instance, am president of the +unior class, as "ell as captain of the Spirit )lub$ -eally, # said$ /he Spirit )lub$ Whats that( 6ot that # didnt kno"$ # +ust "anted to see if shed describe it the "ay )hristopher and # used to; as the Society for the .ame$ Oh, "ell, the Spirit )lub makes an effort to foster school spirit amongst the student population by promoting e%ents in and around /ribeca 2lternati%e such as pep rallies, health fairs, aluminium can dri%es, casino nights, "eekend carni%alsE )asino nights, .indsey chimed in$

# said that already, Whitney said, gi%ing .indsey a dirty look$ -eally "hat its all about is 3 Whitney lo"ered her %oice as if she "as afraid of being o%erheard 3 some people "ho go to this school dont appreciate all the fantastic programmes and opportunities it has to offer$ So the Spirit )lub does its best to get students e'cited about these e%ents, such as games, community-ser%ice programmes $ $ $ things that "ill look great on their college applications$ # blinked at her$ Why are you "hispering( She glanced around, then seemed to reali!e that the schools t"o "orst malcontents 3 Em Watts and )hristopher Maloney 3 "erent "ithin hearing distance$ Oh, # dont kno"$ #ts +ust that some people think ha%ing school spirit is silly$ ,ut # dont think theres anything silly about "anting to take as much ad%antage as possible of "hat, for me at least, ha%e truly been some of the best years of my life: Whoa$ #f high school "as supposed to be the best years of my life 3 at least so far 3 # "as truly destined to ha%e a sucky adulthood$ Wo", # said again$ /hat sounds $ $ $ great$ Enough about this school crap, 1ason =lein said, leaning for"ard so that his massi%e 3 and, to me, re%olting 3 biceps s"elled beneath the slee%es of his pink polo$ What clubs can you get us into( 1ason: Whitney lady-slapped him on the shoulder "hile she giggled$ Stop: &ont pay any attention to him$ *es so bad$ 1ason ignored her$ # sa" you got into )a%e last night, 1ason said$ )an you get us into )a%e( # dont kno", # said$ Maybe$ Maybe "hat(1ason demanded$ )an you get us in or not( #f its 1erks Who #nterrupt /heir irlfriends 6ight, # said$ /hen # can probably get you in$ Whitney gasped$ .indsey let out a giant horse laugh$ ,ut "hat impressed me most "as that 7uite a fe" of the 1> cheerleaders turned around and high-fi%ed one another, impressed by the fact that #d dissed 1ason =lein$ #f this, # reali!ed, "as the kind of company 4rida "as keeping, then # had been 7uite badly underestimating the /2*S 1> cheerleading s7uad 3 and possibly cheerleaders e%ery"here$ /hey "ere a fun bunch$ 4rida, ho"e%er, +ust glared at me$ # mouthed What( and shrugged$ # really dont see "hat else shed e'pected me to say$ ,ut 1ason took it good-naturedly$ O=, O=, he said, smiling sheepishly$ 0ou got me$ #ll shut up$ Which "as +ust another sign of ho" different life is "hen you%e got a supermodels face as opposed to +ust a normal one$ #f # had said something like that to 1ason back "hen #d been in my Em Watts body, #d ne%er ha%e heard the end of it $ $ $ especially from Whitney$ ,ut since # "as 6ikki, and not Em, all "as forgi%en$ #n fact, as "e "ere putting our trays a"ay, +ust before the bell rang, Whitney sidled up to me and, to sho" there "ere no hard feelings, said in a lo" %oice, # guess so the others "ouldnt o%erhear, .isten, 6ikki, if youre not doing anything after school, maybe you could come up to my place and # could help you out "ith some of your home"ork$ # kno" it must seem like youre ne%er going to catch up at this rate 3 plus # kno" its been a "hile since you "ere last in school$ So # +ust thoughtE osh, # said$ /hanks$ ,ut # ha%e a shoot$ E%en if # hadnt, no "ay "ould # "aste any of my precious time going to Whitney -obertsons penthouse so she could sho" me the "rong "ay to compute the area of a triangle$ Or try on different-coloured sparkle eyeshado", or "hate%er it is the Walking &ead do in their spare time$ Some other time though, # added "ith a smile "hen # sa" her face fall$ 2s soon as she sa" the smile, Whitney smiled back$ reat: she gushed$ Well, toodle-oo: Seriously$ /hats "hat she said to me$ /oodle-oo$ # kind of "ished )osy had been "ith me, because # could ha%e looked do"n at her and gone, Well, /oto$ # guess

"ere not in =ansas any more$ E'cept that #%e ne%er actually been to =ansas$ 2lthough #m fairly sure 6ikki has$ 6ikkis been e%ery"here$ E'cept "here # most "ant to be$ /"enty-t"o

/he Elle shoot "as a snap compared to the >anity 4air shoot the day before$ 4or one thing, # at least had a little bit of an idea "hat # "as supposed to be doing no"$ Plus, # didnt ha%e to smush my boobs against anyone this time, or "rap myself around anyone elses physical person 8such as ,randon Stark9$ /his time, it "as +ust me$ &ont get me "rong$ # still had to smile +ust the right "ay, but it "as more important that the go"ns # "as "earing flo"ed right$ # s"ear, e%ery t"o minutes # heard, Wait 3 hold on 3 and someone "as running o%er to ad+ust a fold or smooth a "rinkle$ #t "as a little maddening$ 2nd e%en though # dont particularly care about fashion, # sort of get it no"$ # mean, about "hy other people care about it, and "hy its interesting and sort of important to some people$ /he truth is, fashion can be sort of $ $ $ "ell, fun$ # kno": # ne%er got fashion before$ )lothes "ere +ust things you thre" on to keep from being naked or cold$ ,ut the dresses 3 # mean, go"ns 3 that "ere at this shoot "ere so gorgeous, # actually caught my breath "hen # sa" them on me$ # cant e%en imagine "here youd WE2- a bright red long dress trimmed "ith dyed black ostrich feathers "ith a neckline that plunges to your sternum$ # mean, e'cept maybe to the Oscars$ ,ut # couldnt help but be curious about "hod designed them 3 "hich surprised the people at the shoot, because they said # should ha%e kno"n "ithout asking, +ust by the feel and look of them$ ,ut then =elly reminded them 7uickly of my head in+ury 8"hich the hairstylist, >i%ian, had already found9$ 2nd then they all "anted to talk about that 8my inter%ie" "as going to run in the same issue, but # "asnt meeting the +ournalist "ho "as doing it until Saturday9$ 2ny"ay, they all took great pleasure in telling me about the designers "ho had go"ns at the shoot, and other fa%ourite designers of 6ikkis as "ell$ 2nd # ha%e to admit, their stories "ere kind of interesting$ .ike, e%en my MOM "ould ha%e gotten a kick out of the story of Miuccia Prada, a feminist mime "ho took o%er her grandfathers leather goods company in @ABL, making Miu Miu one of the thirty most po"erful "omen in Europe 8according to the Wall Street 1ournal9, "ith an estimated fortune of @$J billion dollars$ 2nd )oco )hanel, "ho populari!ed the little black dress for "omen and founded a fashion empire, becoming the only fashion designer e%er to make /ime maga!ines @CC Most #nfluential People of the /"entieth )entury$ 2ll this 3 plus the lecture the make-up guy ga%e me about the dark circles under my eyes, thanks to my lack of sleep, and the fact that my mom "ould not stop calling 8but # couldnt e'actly pick up in the middle of a fashion shoot9, my employer is maybe 8O=, probably9 spying on me, and the tugging and "renching and holding my breath re7uired to get me into the corsets # needed to s7uee!e into some of the go"ns 3 "as enough to keep my mind off "hat had happened in school earlier that day "ith )hristopher$ /he fact that # nearly passed out se%eral times, the corsets "ere so tight, and that # could barely mo%e helped too$ /he truth "as, # dont kno" ho" 6ikki did it$ # "as supposed to stare off into the distance as if # "as ga!ing at a far-off star 8"hen really "hat # "as looking at "as a piece of paint peeling off the rafters on the ceiling9 "hile 6O/ thinking about ho" # couldnt breathe and my feet hurt and ho" tired # "as $ $ $ $ $ $ and, oh yeah, ho" e%eryone sa" me being carried out of )a%e last night like # "as the drunk one, not my socalled boyfriend, and that the guy #d actually like to be dating by the "ay doesnt kno" #m ali%e( 6o, # mean, literally doesnt kno" #m ali%e$ *e thinks #m dead, and # cant tell him #m not$ 2nd he isnt too impressed "ith the ne" body #m in$ #n fact, he might +ust be the only guy on the planet "hos not$ *o" can anyone concentrate on looking beautiful "hen all that is going on around them, and inside their head as "ell( Modelling isnt easy$ Modelling is actually really hard$ Modelling is 2)/#6 $ 0ou ha%e to 2)/ like youre actually en+oying yourself, "hen the truth is, e%ery single inch of you is hurting and uncomfortable $ $ $ most of all your heart$ # mean, if youre me$ # "as almost sagging "ith e'haustion "hen the art director, >eronica, said, # think thats all "e need, 6ikki$ 0ou can go no"$ # s"ear # nearly ripped that last couture go"n off, # "anted to get out of there so badly$ $ $ $ you%e got the >ogue shoot tomorro" at three $ $ $ =elly "as telling me as # ran do"n the steps to the limo$ # kno", # yelled o%er my shoulder$ 2nd dont go out tonight, she shouted at me as # collapsed into the back seat$ 0ou need to get some sleep: 0ou

looked a"ful today$ # "ont: # slammed the limo door behind me$ 4inally: We didnt ha%e much time$ Were making a stop before "e go to the loft, # said to the dri%er$ /he computer store on Prince and reene$ /he dri%er looked at me sceptically in the rear-%ie" mirror$ #ts almost eight oclock, Miss *o"ard$ # kno", # said$ /he store is open late on /hursdays$ # sank back against the leather seat and "atched as "e glided along Park 2%enue, making our "ay do"nto"n$ #d reali!ed as #d been standing there ga!ing at a far-off star that # couldnt take 6ikki *o"ards Stark-brand hotpink laptop to school tomorro" for )hristopher to set up my email account on$ 4or one thing, it "as +ust too embarrassing$ # mean, seriously 3 hot pink( 2nd for another, ho" could # be sure it didnt ha%e some other kind of tracking soft"are built into it "ith "hich Stark Enterprises "as "atching my e%ery mo%e online( 6o$ # needed a "hole ne", non-Stark computer$ 1ust like # needed a ne", non-Stark cellphone on "hich to talk to my parents$ #d pick up both on the "ay home$ /hank od the 2pple store "as open until nine on /hursday nights$ 2nd # had 6ikki *o"ards platinum 2merican E'press card$ /here "ere perks to being rich and famous after all$ Especially "hen youre rich, famous and ha%e your face plastered all o%er a Stark Megastore a fe" blocks a"ay from the computer store, and e%eryone in there recogni!es you the minute you "alk in$ E%en late as it "as, there "as a 7ueue$ ,ut "hen youre 6ikki *o"ard, #m sorry to say, you get treated differently from e%eryone else$ 2 salesperson came right o%er to me, almost before #d gotten ten feet into the store, and # heard the usual bu!!ing that started e%ery"here # seemed to go$ *e asked if he could help me, and # told him "hat # "anted$ 2nd he told me to "ait right there "hile he "ent and got it$ 2s much as being 6ikki seriously sucked sometimes, it could seriously rock at other times$ # had my ne" laptop and phone and "as out the door ten minutes and fourteen autographs later$ #t "as as # "as "aiting for the limo dri%er to s"ing around and pick me up 8hed been forced to circle "hile # shopped due to the number of mounted cops in the area9 that # heard a %oice behind me say, 6ikki( and # turned around e'pecting to see another autograph hunter $ $ $ $ $ $ and "as shocked to see abriel .una instead$ 0ou: # cried$ *e looked as surprised to see me as # "as to see him$ 2re you stalking me( he asked in that adorable ,ritish accent$ ,ut he "as smiling, so # kne" he "as +oking$ # think youre stalking me, # said$ What are you doing here( # li%e +ust up the street, he said$ #d ask "hat you "ere doing here, but its ob%ious$ 2l"ays the gentleman, he took hold of the enormous bo'es # "as carrying$ *ere, allo" me$ 2re you trying to find a ta'i again( 0oull ne%er get one at this corner, you kno"$ 6o, # ha%e a ride, # said$ *es +ust circling$ ,ut thank you$ Oh, abriel said$ So you%e reco%ered from last night( -emembering in a rush the last time #d seen him, # said, sticking out my chin, /hat "as $ $ $ # "asnt e%en $ $ $ abriel, # dont e%en drink$ Seriously, you can ask any of the bartenders$ 6e't time you go to )a%e, ha%e them pour you a 6ikki$ *e blinked at me$ 2 "hat( 2 6ikki$ #ts +ust "ater$ 2nd # "as only trying to get ,randon out of there$ # mean, ,randons +ust 3 "ere friends$ Oh$ abriel stared do"n at me$ *e looked confused$ # see$ #m not "ho you think # am, abriel, # said$ # could see the headlights of the limo sliding to"ards us$ #t "as stuck behind a traffic light, but coming ine'orably to"ards us$ Still, there "as something # needed to get off my chest$ My idea of a fun night is playing computer games$ # didnt e%en "ant to go out last night$ # +ust did it because

.ulu thre" a surprise "elcome-home party for me and # didnt "ant to hurt her feelings because shes been really s"eet to me$ #m going to go home tonight and do home"ork$ /hats my "ild, cra!y life$ -eally$ .ook, abriel said, his e'pression unreadable$ &ont be angry$ # kno" # come off as a bit of a prat sometimes$ #ts +ust $ $ $ "ell, its like those girls "e ran into the other day$ /he ones "ho "ere chasing us$ /hey look up to you$ # "orry you dont reali!e that$ Well, # do, # said$ Was that traffic light e%er going to turn green( /hen # shot him a suspicious look$ Wait a minute$ What "ere you doing at that club at t"o in the morning any"ay( Oh, abriel said, looking embarrassed suddenly$ # "as gi%ing the &1 a copy of a ne" song # "rote the other day$ /o see if he thought it "ould "ork as a dance mi'$ Oh, # said, smiling$ 2nd( &id he like it( #t "as hard to tell in the glo" from the "indo"s of the computer store$ ,ut # think abriel "as actually blushing a little$ *e lo%ed it actually$ *e played it on the spot$ #t brought the place do"n$ E%eryone adored it$ /he limo finally pulled up in front of me and the dri%er sprang out from behind the "heel$ #m so sorry, Miss *o"ard, he said$ # got caught behind one of those tour buses $ $ $ /hats O=, # said$ )ould you take this( # took the huge bo'es from abriel and handed them to the dri%er, "ho hurried to put them in the boot$ /hen # turned back to abriel and said, Well, heres my car$ # can see that, abriel said, taking in the long black limousine "ith raised eyebro"s$ #t had attracted the attention of 7uite a fe" people on the side"alk as "ell, many of "hom had stopped to stare at it, and me too$ # o"e you a ride, # reminded abriel$ So if theres any"here you need to go $ $ $ 6ot tonight, abriel said "ith a funny little half-smile$ ,ut #m going to hold you to that$ *e could not ha%e shocked me more "hen he leaned o%er and kissed me 3 on the lips, but lightly, barely brushing my mouth "ith his 3 and "hispered, standing +ust inches from me, &ont you "ant to kno" the name of my ne" song( /he name of your ne" song( # stared up at him, my mouth still tingling from the fleeting kiss$ E%en though he "asnt touching me, it "as as if # "as bolted into place$ -ight, he said$ #ts called M6ikkiN$ 2nd then he "as gone, disappearing into the hordes of people "hod gathered on the side"alk to stare at me and my limo$ /"enty-three

&ragging myself and my bo'es from the limo "hen it finally pulled up in front of my building, # took the ele%ator up to the loft, e'pecting to find it empty, since it "as after nine at night$ # thought surely .ulu "ould be out on the to"n, doing "hate%er it "as .ulu did "hen she "as left unsuper%ised$ So you can imagine my surprise "hen # stepped from the ele%ator and heard her call my name$ 6ikki: cried a %oice from a ghostly figure stretched out across a massage table in the middle of the lofts li%ing room$ .ulu "as 3 mostly 3 under a "hite sheet, "hile a stern looking "oman in a "hite uniform kneaded her shoulders$ 5h, # said, e%en more confused than usual$ *i( *i, .ulu said, popping her head up from the hole in the centre of the massage table$ Oh yeah$ # forgot$ 6ikki, this is our housekeeper, =aterina$ =aterina, this isnt 6ikki$ # kno" it looks like her, but its not$ She had a spirit transfer, and no" shes someone else$ ,ut you can still call her 6ikki$ =aterina stopped kneading .ulus shoulders and stared at me$ 0ou say this is not Miss 6ikki( she demanded in a hea%y Eastern European accent$ 6o, .ulu said$ Well, # mean, it is$ ,ut it isnt$ 0es it is, .ulu, # said, frustrated$ #ts still me$ # +ust dont remember anyone$ ,ecause # ha%e amnesia, remember( *i, =aterina$ =aterina stared at me for a little bit longer$ /hen she shrugged and "ent back to massaging .ulu$ 0ou girls, she said$ Only it came out sounding like gels$ # gi%e up "ith you and your silly games a long time ago$ # kno" it "as your turn to get massaged by =aterina, 6ik, .ulu "ent on, plopping her face back do"n into the hole in the centre of the massage table$ ,ut # +ust got back from a meeting "ith my record label, and it "as such hell$ /hey say # ha%e to sing these t"o re+ect songs from .indsay .ohans album 3 as if 3 and # "as still such a "reck from last night, # must ha%e had fifteen mo+itos and a pack of Milk &uds, and # kne" only =aterina could "hip me back into shape$ 2nd, oh my od, 6ik, ,randon has been calling, like, all day$ *e says your cells not on, and all his messages ha%e been going to %oicemail$ Whats up "ith that( .ike, turn your cell on$ 2lso, he is, like, totally sorry about last night$ *es been talking about getting his dads +et for this "eekend and taking us to 2ntigua, and you kno" he only does that "hen hes suffering a ma+or guilt trip$ 1ust 40#$ Oh, and # had to lock )osy up, she "as +umping all o%er me, # couldnt take it, shes in my room, shes been such a nightmare 3 # put do"n the bo'es and crossed the loft to .ulus bedroom door, "hich # s"ung open$ )osabella careened out of it like a shot, leaping against my shins and yapping happily, her tongue lolling$ # scooped her up and "ent to sit do"n on the couch "ith her cradled in my arms "hile she lapped at my face$ Shes already had her "alk$ .ulu popped her head up to look at me again$ =arl took her$ 2nd # fed her$ Oh my od, "hat is on your face( # blinked at her abo%e )osys fluffy head$ Where( 6e't thing # kne", .ulu had s"ung do"n off the massage table and, still clutching the sheet around her, marched up to me, reached across and scraped a fingernail across my cheek$ O": # cried, leaning a"ay from this fi%e-foot lunatic$ .ulu looked do"n at her fingernail and said, # kne" it$ #ts a dead skin flake$ 0our skin is dry$ What ha%e you been using on it( .ook, # said, still clutching my cheek$ # appreciate your help, looking after )osy "hile # "as in school and at the shoot and all$ ,ut you cant +ust go around S)-2/)*#6 peopleE What$ *a%e$ 0ou$ ,een$ 5sing$ On$ #t( .ulu demanded, sho%ing her finger in my face to sho" me the dead skin flake$ od, # said$ Soap$ What else( .ulu looked horrified$ Soap( SO2P( 0ou%e been "ashing your skin "ith SO2P( Well, "hat else "ould you use on your skin( # asked$ .ulu shook her head, still staring at me$ /hen she said to the housekeeper, =aterina$ My robe$ We ha%e a crisis that needs to be dealt "ith$ S/2/$ =aterina nodded gra%ely and lifted .ulus robe$ .ulu, still holding the sheet in strategic locations, slipped her

arms into the robes slee%es $ $ $ then let the sheet drop to the floor, once she "as safely co%ered$ .ook, # said, # dont kno" "hats going on here, but # do not need any kind of beauty inter%ention, if thats "hat this is about$ # ha%e a lot on my mind right no", and # +ust "ant toE # beg your pardon, .ulu said, but 6ikki *o"ard ga%e you her body 3 she donated it 3 as a e'pectation that you "ould take care of it$ #4/, "ith the O/

# *2>E been taking care of it, # insisted$ #%e been eating nothing but freaking green tea and tofu since # this body, as thats the only stuff that doesnt appear to make my stomach churnE

,ut "hat are you "ashing your hair "ith( .ulu demanded$ 2nd ho" long are you letting it deep condition( 2nd "hat kind of e'foliant are you using( &ont ans"er that, # already kno"; none$ #ts true that 6ikki *o"ard "as a natural beauty$ ,ut she didnt +ust E/ that "ay$ She )5./#>2/E& it$ With a careful and diligent beauty regimen$ W*#)* 0O5 2-E 6O/ 4O..OW#6 $ .ook, # said, glancing to"ards =aterina for help, but finding none in her direction$ /hats because shed found the uni%ersal remote control, "hich apparently controlled not only the flat-panel /> abo%e the fireplace, but the fireplace 3 the flames suddenly leaped and danced as she pushed buttons 3 the "indo" panes 8you could deepen the shade of the glass to purple opa7ue or brighten it to clear9, the stereo and e%en the security camera in the ele%ator, and she "as trying to enhance the mood by making the lighting softer$ # ha%e a lot "orse problems right no" than dry skin, all right( #n case you arent a"are of it, someone is spying on us$ 6ot +ust me, .ulu$ 0ou too$ 0our laptop "as loaded "ith spy"are$ 2nd # dont "ant to alarm you, but #m pretty sure its Stark Enterprises$ # dont ha%e any proof of course $ $ $ but "ho else "ould it be( #ts O= no", # fi'ed it$ ,ut you might "ant to get a ne", non-Stark-brand laptop$ # did$ 2nd as if thats not bad enough, abriel .una 3 remember, the guy "ith the scooter, "ho "as at the Stark Megastore grand opening, "here the, um, spirit transfer took place( Well, hes "ritten a song about me$ 2nd # dont e%en like him$ *e thinks # ha%e drug and alcohol issues$ 2nd the guy # do like 3 suddenly # "as fighting back tears$ 1ust like that 3 "ouldnt e%en look at me today at school, O=( So it doesnt matter if # ha%e dry skin or moist skin or 6O skin$ # mean, # dont e%en kno" "hat the point of all this is$ What is the point of being beautiful "hen you cant e%en get the guy you like to look at you( .ulu sucked in her breath$ /hen she looked at =aterina and said, ,etter call for backup$ =aterina nodded, laid do"n the remote and reached for her cellphone$ Obser%ing this, # grabbed the nearest pillo" and smashed it o%er my face$ Oh no, # "ailed$ 6o more makeo%ers$ 6o, no, no, no: # smacked the pillo" "ith each no $ $ $ not something &r *olcombe, # "as sure, "ould recommend$ -ela', .ulu said$ /he ne't thing # kne", she "as plucking the pillo" off my face and sitting do"n beside me$ =aterinas ordering banana splits from the deli do"n the street$ /hats "hat # meant by backup$ We al"ays order banana splits from the deli "hen "e ha%e guy problems$ 6ot good for your reflu', but you can take one of those pills of yours before you eat it$ 6o"$ What is this about Stark Enterprises, abriel .una, and some guy not looking at you( 2stonished that # "asnt about to be gi%en a head-to-toe e'foliation, # told .ulu first about her computer, then about abriel, and then about )hristopher and the "ay hed barely spoken to me in the computer lab$ When # "as done, she shrugged and said, Well, first of all, # ne%er use that computer$ # +ust think its pretty$ 2nd abriels easy too$ *es in lo%e "ith you$ # nearly choked on some of my o"n spit$ .ulu: 6o $ $ $ thatsE 2nd its ob%ious "hats going on "ith that )hristopher guy, she "ent on$ -eally( Startled, # stared at her, "ide-eyed$ What( *es frightened of his passion for you$ So hes +ust had to sho%e it "ay, "ay do"n, so it "ont sho"$ # blinked$ .ulu$ *e doesnt e%en kno" 6ikki *o"ard$ *o" can he feel passion for her( .ulu put both her tiny bare feet up on the coffee table and rolled her head around on the back of the couch until she "as staring at the ceiling$ Oh my od$ # cant belie%e # ha%e to gi%e you this speech again$ #t seems like # +ust ga%e you this speech last month$ # did gi%e you this speech last month$ ,ut no" # ha%e to gi%e it to you again because of the spirit transfer$ ,ut here goes$ O=, 6ikki$ Pay attention this time, "ill you( Straight guys only feel three "ays about girls$ She held up three fingers, and put one finger do"n each time she ticked off a point$

4irst, they lo%e you, and they sho" it either by "riting a song about you, like abriel, or asking you out, and e%erything is nice and fun like it should be$ Second, they lo%e you, but theyre scared of their passion for you because its so strong, like your boy )hristopher, so they stuff it "ay, "ay do"n and ignore you, or do stupid things like make fun of you because they dont kno" ho" to e'press it any other "ay, because theyre immature little babies and are too shy to, say, "rite a song about you$ Or third, theres something "rong "ith them, and they start out nice and lo%ing, and then turn around and do stupid things like sleep "ith other girls behind your back, like 1ustin ,ay did$ ,ut "ell ne%er figure out "hat "ent "rong "ith them and neither "ill they, so its not "orth thinking about$ O=( /hats it$ /he end$ She put do"n her hand$ 2ny 7uestions( # stared at her$ She looked serious$ ,ut it "as kind of hard to tell, considering it "as .ulu$ So # figured #d ask to make sure$ 5m $ $ $ yeah, # ha%e a 7uestion$ 2re you serious( .ulu sighed$ O=, # can see # didnt 7uite get through to you$ 6ikki, please dont tell me your mother ne%er told you this$ # shook my head$ 5m $ $ $ no$ # cant say she e%erE od: .ulu rolled her eyes some more$ /hat makes me so mad: *o" could she not ha%e said anything( /hat is so irresponsible: # mean, ho" can mothers send their daughters out into the "orld to +ust "alk around, making boys fall in lo%e "ith them all day, "ithout the slightest idea of "hat theyre doing( &idnt you see Spider-Man( With great po"er comes great responsibility: We "omen cant +ust go "alking around being so a"esome and not ha%e to be careful not to make guys fall in lo%e "ith us all o%er the place$ -ight, =aterina( 0ah, =aterina said, nodding fiercely as she bundled up .ulus sheets for the laundry$ My mother 3 much like =aterinas mother, # "ouldnt doubt 3 .ulu "ent on, sat me do"n "hen # "as ele%en and said, M.ulu, the truth of the matter is, e%ery heterose'ual boy 3 and probably some gay ones too, so look out, because thats +ust going to end in disaster 3 you e%er meet is going to fall madly in lo%e "ith you$ *e may not admit it, but its true$ So you ha%e to take responsibility for that, and not do things to encourage him 3 unless of course you "ant him to fall in lo%e "ith you$ ,ecause its cruel to play "ith boys emotions in that "ay, because no matter "hat anyone else says, men are the "eaker se'$N &idnt your mother tell you that( )ompletely stunned by this bit of motherly ad%ice 3 my moms o"n ad%ice had al"ays been more along the lines of, 6e%er go any"here "ithout enough money for a cab home, and &ont ha%e se', but if you do, al"ays use a condom 3 # shook my head$ Well, .ulu "ent on, it turns out, e%en though my mom "as "rong about a lot of things 3 like gi%ing me sno"boarding lessons for )hristmas "hen # turned t"el%e, only to go and run off "ith my instructor 3 she "asnt "rong about that$ E%ery heterose'ual guy #%e e%er met 3 and a fe" gay ones 3 has fallen in lo%e "ith me$ 2t least a little bit$ Oh, not like they all "ant to marry me or anything $ $ $ sometimes, like in the case of my sno"board instructor, it turns out they%e "anted to marry her$ ,ut they%e all thought about it$ 2nd its true they dont al"ays stay in lo%e "ith me, the "ay they ought to 3 but thats usually because the lo%e they feel for me frightens them so much, because #m +ust so incredible, they feel inade7uate and end up running a"ay $ $ $ like 1ustin$ # +ust stared at her$ Seeing this, .ulu said, #m serious$ Wait and see$ When the deli%ery guy comes "ith the banana splits( 1ust "atch "hen # go to pay him$ *ell probably ask me out$ 6ot sure ho" else to respond, # said carefully, not "anting to hurt her feelings, Well, .ulu $ $ $ thanks$ # mean, for the "arning( ,ut, "hile #m certain its true that e%ery straight guy you meet falls in lo%e "ith you, "ith me thats not really been the case$ 2t least, in my past life$ /he thing is, in the real "orld, most girls dont ha%e to go around "orrying about e%ery guy they meet feeling in lo%e "ith them$ # could see ho" no" that #m 6ikki, #ll ha%e to "orry, butE .ulu sucked in her breath, looking outraged$ Oh yes they do: she cried$ #f girls arent "orried about this, theyre +ust kidding themsel%es: 2nd playing "ith fire$ /his is true of all girls$ -ight, =aterina( =aterina nodded as she "as folding up her massage table$ Oh, yah, she said, sounding tired$ 0ou should meet some of my e'-husbands$ See( .ulu said fiercely$ #t doesnt matter ho" old you are or ho" you look 3 no offence, =aterina$ Whether youre pretty or plain, or skinny or round$ uys cant help it$ #f youre a girl, its +ust the "ay it is$ uys may not "ant to admit that they like you$ /hey may act like total butt-holes instead of admitting it 3 this made me think,

ine'plicably, of 1ason =lein 3 but e%erything my mother said is totally true and applies to all girls$ 2nd its a lot of responsibility for us$ # mean, "e ha%e to be so, so careful all the time not to break mens hearts$ Mens hearts are %ery fragile$ Our hearts arent nearly as delicate$ 2re they, =aterina( 6ein, =aterina said, banging the massage table closed$ *ard$ 6o", # dont kno" "hats going on "ith your little )hristopher friend, .ulu said$ ,ut #m guessing maybe hes +ust pushed his lo%e for you "ay, "ay do"n because hes so frightened of it $ $ $ that happens a lot$ )an you think of a reason "hy he might ha%e done that( # looked at )osabella, "hod curled up in my lap and "as contentedly sleeping$ # really had no idea ho" #d e%en ended up taking part in this lunatic con%ersation$ ,ut there "as something about .ulu 3 something so %ulnerable and s"eet 3 that made me "ant her theory to be true$ #t "as certainly a %ery nice theory, and one that "ould boost the self-esteem of any girl "hose mother sat her do"n and told it to her$ Who kne"( Maybe it "as true$ .ulu certainly seemed to belie%e it$ 2nd # had no doubt that e%ery guy she met did fall in lo%e "ith her, at least a little$ # belie%ed it "as probably a little true for 6ikki *o"ard too $ $ $ e'cept "here ,randon Starks dad "as concerned$ ,ut then there "as "hat had happened that afternoon "ith )hristopher$ *o" could # e%en begin to e'plain ho" "eird that had been( # dont kno", # said slo"ly$ My sister said something about )hristopher maybe ha%ing been in lo%e "ith, um, Em Watts$ 0ou kno", the girl "ho died at the Stark Megastore grand opening( Only him not ha%ing reali!ed it until it "as too late and she "as $ $ $ dead$ # dont kno" if this is true$ She "as probably "rong$ ,ut they "ere best friends before she died$ 2nd, you kno", he "as there "hen she "as killed$ 2nd my sister thinks maybe no" his heart is broken$ /here "as a pause as this soaked in$ /hen .ulu flattened a hand against her chest and looked at me "ith her huge ,ambi eyes, suddenly full of tears$ /hat, she said, is the most romantic thing # ha%e e%er heard$ She looked o%er at the housekeeper$ =aterina$ #snt that the most romantic thing you%e e%er heard( =aterina had her massage things packed up by then and "as no" cleaning out the refrigerator, thro"ing out e'pired containers of yogurt$ 0ah, she called o%er her shoulder$ .ulu turned back to me$ .isten, she said, reaching out and taking my hand, all is not lost$ /he important thing you%e got to do no" is make a connection "ith him$ Sho" him that you understand "hat hes lost$ /hat you feel his loss$ # shook my head$ ,ut .ulu $ $ $ ho" can # do that( #m a stranger to him$ Worse $ $ $ #m a supermodel, "ho represents Stark Enterprises, the company that pretty much is responsible for killing his best friend 3 and represents e%erything else e%il in the "orld$ #m e%erything that )hristopher hates$ *o" can # make a connection "ith him "hen #m someone he cant stand( #m telling you, its totally hopeless$ 6othing is hopeless "here true lo%e is concerned, .ulu said, gi%ing my hand a s7uee!e$ *a%ent you heard a "ord #%e said( 0ou%e +ust got to gi%e him time$ *es e'perienced a terrible loss$ *is heart has been torn in t"o$ #ts going to take lo%e and patience to being him back amongst the li%ing $ $ $ +ust like it took lo%e and patience to bring you back to me $ $ $ e%en if you are a little strange no"$ Strange, .ulu added hastily, but much nicer than you used to be$ # sighed$ # dont kno", .ulu$ # "ant to think youre right, but $ $ $ maybe, if your theory is right, and "ith great po"er comes great responsibility, the kinder thing to do "ould be to +ust lea%e him alone$ .ulu looked searchingly into my eyes$ What does your heart say, 6ikki( # felt tears fill my eyes$ ,ecause # couldnt help remembering "hat Mr Phillips had said that day in &r *olcombes office 3 What is the locus of our identities $ $ $ our souls, as it "ere(#s it the brain( Or is it the heart( 6ikki *o"ards brain, its true, is no longer functioning$ *er heart, on the other hand, continues to beat$ # remembered no" ho" #d lain my hand o%er 6ikki *o"ards heart and felt it beating$ #t had felt so foreign to me$ #d "ondered then if it "ould e%er feel like my o"n heart$ ,ut it felt like my o"n heart no"$ #t felt like my o"n heart no" because nothing but my o"n heart could hurt so much$ #t felt like my o"n heart because the truth "as(

#t "as breaking$ My heart says that # lo%e )hristopher, # said miserably$ ,ut its so hopeless, .ulu$ /he chances of my e%er getting him e%en to be friends "ith me are nil $ $ $ let alone the chances of us e%er being anything else$ /he intercom bu!!ed, causing us both to +ump$ # "ill get, =aterina said, and she shuffled off to do so$ .isten, .ulu said, gi%ing my hand another s7uee!e$ #f the deli%ery guy asks me out, "ill you belie%e me that you ha%e a chance "ith )hristopher( # slipped my hand out from hers in order to "ipe a"ay my tears$ .ulu$ 0oure in a fluffy robe and slippers$ /he deli%ery guy isnt going toE /he deli%ery guy is going to ask me out, .ulu said$ # told you, "e "omen ha%e an a"esome po"er that "e ha%e to "ield "ith responsibility$ So this isnt fair of me, because #m not e%en interested in dating anyone right no", since # +ust broke up "ith 1ustin, and # need to go see my astrologist to find out "hich sign # should concentrate on trying to date ne't$ ,ut # "ill do it, to pro%e a point to you$ /hen "ill you belie%e me( 4ine, # said "ith a shaky laugh$ o for it$ /he ele%ator doors opened, and the unsuspecting deli%ery guy stepped out, holding a plastic bag$ /hatll be ele%en fifty, he said to =aterina as he handed her the bag$ #m not paying, =aterina said$ Shes paying$ 2nd she pointed at .ulu$ .ulu got up off the couch and, gi%ing the sash to her fluffy robe a tug to tighten it, approached the deli%ery guy$ # couldnt say # noticed anything at all different about her, e'cept that a beguiling smile had appeared on her elfin face$ ,ut the deli%ery guy sure seemed to straighten up all of a sudden$ Well, .ulu said to him hello there$ Ele%en fifty, you said( *old on a second, my "allet is right here$ Why, youre all "et$ #s it raining out there( &o you "ant a to"el( *ere, let me get you a to"el$ #ts getting cold out, isnt it( # "ouldnt "ant you coming do"n "ith something$ /hen "ho "ould bring me my banana splits( # sure do lo%e banana splits$ *ere, heres a t"enty$ 0ou can keep the change$ 2nd heres a big fluffy to"el$ Whats your name( -oy, said the deli%ery guy in a da!ed %oice as he "iped off his face "ith the to"el .ulu had handed him$ -oy( .ulu said, taking the to"el back$ What a nice name$ #s that *ungarian( # dont kno", the deli%ery guy said, still sounding da!ed$ Whats your name( My name is .ulu, .ulu said$ /hats "ith t"o .s and t"o 5s$ /hats a pretty name, -oy said$ Would you "ant to go out "ith me sometime( My +a" dropped$ Oh my goodness, .ulu said$ #d lo%e to: ,ut only if my husband could come along$ 0our husband( -oy looked stunned$ )ome on, the ele%ator attendant said in a bored %oice, pulling -oy back on to the ele%ator$ .ets go$ ,ye, -oy, .ulu said, "a%ing$ &ont catch a cold: /he ele%ator doors closed on a still-stunned -oys face$ 2s soon as he "as gone, .ulu turned triumphantly to"ards me and did a little %ictory dance$ /here: she cried$ See( # told you: # shook my head in "onder$ # really couldnt belie%e "hat #d +ust "itnessed$ /hat, # said, truly impressed, "as ama!ing$ ,ut ho" did you do that( 0oure in a bathrobe: 0ou "erent e%en "earing anything lo"-cut or re%ealing$ # "as kind and friendly to him, .ulu said, shaking her head$ 2nd # e'uded confidence and charm$ /hats "hat # "as trying to tell you$ 2nyone can do it$ #t doesnt matter ho" you look or "hat youre "earing$ She crossed the room to the kitchen island, "here =aterina had opened the bag containing our banana splits$ .ulu s"ung herself

up on to one of the stools until she "as sitting in front of one of the plastic containers$ # dont think # could do it, # said, getting up from the couch and follo"ing her$ # dont think # ha%e that kind of confidence$ Of course you can do it, 6ikki, .ulu said, digging into her banana split "ith one of the plastic spoons the deli had pro%ided$ 0ou used to do it all the time, before the spirit transfer$ Sometimes you did it for the "rong reasons, +ust to be mean, "hich "as "hy # had to gi%e you the speech about ho" "ith great po"er comes great responsibility and so on$ So you can do it "ith this )hristopher person too, easy$ 0ou +ust ha%e to ha%e confidence$ 2nd, like # said, you ha%e to make a connection$ 4ine, # said "ith a sigh$ #ll try$ .ulu giggled and flicked some ice cream at me$ She missed, and )osabella attacked the glob that landed on the floor$ *ey: # said, glaring at .ulu$ What "as that for( # cant belie%e, she said, giggling some more, youre in lo%e "ith a high-school boy$ 0eah, # said, aiming my o"n spoonful of ice cream at her$ Well, youre the freak "ho belie%es in spirit transfers$ /he glob of ice cream landed on the "all$ ,arking, )osabella raced e'citedly to the other side of the kitchen to lick it up$ /akes someone "hos had one to kno" one, .ulu said, and hurled the cherry from the top of her split at me$ #t hit the huge plate-glass "indo" behind me and slid slo"ly do"n it$ )osabella barked happily at it the "hole "ay$ els, =aterina said$ Stop: # +ust clean in here: =eep this up, and no more massages$ We cleaned up after oursel%es, making sure the kitchen "as sparkling "hen "e "ere done$ /"enty-four

# found )hristopher alone in the computer lab before first period the ne't morning$ # supposed # could ha%e "aited for lunch to bring my ne" laptop to him, but # kne" # "ouldnt last that long$ When you reali!e you need to make a connection "ith someone, you kno" you ha%e to do it as soon as possible, or youll lose the courage to do it at all$ 2nd this "as the only "ay # could think to do it$ 5m, hi, # said gently, careful not to startle him in the middle of "hate%er %ideo game he "as engrossed in 8Madden 64. again, # sa" a minute later9$ *e turned in his computer chair and stared$ .ulu had dressed me again, though # "as getting better at doing it myself$ /his time # "as in skinny +eans, %el%et flats, a maroon cropped %el%et +acket, and so many necklaces # rattled "hen # "alked$ # had only +ust talked .ulu out of adding a beret$ /hat, # felt, "as taking things one step too far$ # "as a little bit proud of my independent fashion streak$ *i, he said "ithout smiling$ *e had on another short-slee%ed polo shirt, this one grey$ *is hair "as still "et at the back from his morning sho"er$ *e looked so good # "anted to die$ # brought my computer, # said, pulling the "hite laptop from my Marc 1acobs tote$ 0ou said yesterday you could set up my email account for me $ $ $ is this a good time( )hristopher glanced at the "all-clock$ We had fifteen minutes until Public Speaking$ # guess so, he said, and held out his hand for the computer$ *mmm$ #f he had pushed his lo%e for me "ay, "ay do"n, as .ulu had suggested, he had really pushed it do"n$ Why couldnt # summon up some of .ulus a"esome aimless chatter and set him at his ease( She "as so good at it, "hile # "as as a"k"ard at it as $ $ $ "ell, a ga"ky teen tomboy "hose brain had been stuck in a supermodels body$ # handed )hristopher my laptop and "ent to sit in the chair beside his$ *e looked do"n at the gleaming 3 and ob%iously brand ne" 3 "hite computer "ithout comment, opened it and began typing a"ay$ # tried to remember "hat .ulu had told me$ *a%e confidence and $ $ $ "hat( Make a connection$ -ight$ Only ho"( What did )hristopher and 6ikki *o"ard ha%e in common( 6othing$ E'cept that they both "ent to /ribeca 2lternati%e *igh School$ Oh $ $ $ and 1ourney7uest$ -ight$ So "hat "as your high score( # asked him$ On 1ourney7uest( 4orty-eight, he said "ithout elaboration$ /his shocked me$ # blurted, "ithout thinking, 0oure a liar$ *e glanced at me, startled$ What( 6o "ay did you make it past le%el forty-si', # said, completely forgetting there "asnt any "ay # could kno" this$ *o" did you make it past the &ragons of Pith( /he dragons had incinerated our characters e%ery time "ed approached them, no matter "hich direction "e came from, barring us from making it past le%el forty-si'$ Wed searched the "eb for clues as to ho" to get past them, to no a%ail$ )hristopher "as staring at me$ 4or the first time, he really seemed to be seeing me$ # used the -unes of 2l-)ragen, he e'plained simply$ #t "as my turn to stare$ /he runes( 6o kidding( Oh my thre" them andE od, # cant belie%e # ne%er thought of that$ So you +ust

/he dragons "ere po"erless in their lair, )hristopher said$ *e "as really looking at me no"$ ,ut not like he "as actually seeing me, Em$ More like he "as "ondering "hat "as "rong "ith me, 6ikki$ Which made sense actually$ ,ecause "hat kind of lunatic "ould look at 6ikki *o"ard and suspect Em Watts "as inside her( What "as your characters name( 0our 1ourney7uest character( Maybe #%e seen you online$ 2nd # reali!ed #d made a blunder$ # couldnt gi%e him my online characters name, because then hed kno" it "as me, Em$

,ut # couldnt +ust make one up either, because it "ould be too easy for him to check$ Oh, # said bree!ily # ha%ent been online in ages$ 2nd # doubt youd e%er ha%e seen me, # keep really "eird hours$ ,esides, # dont remember it$ # tapped my head$ 0ou kno"$ /he amnesia thing$ *e ga%e me a sceptical look and turned back to my computer screen$ 5m, yeah, he said$ Sure$ /hen suddenly he turned and thre" me a look that "as like someone accidentally pouring a glass of cold "ater in my face$ ,ut you remembered you played, he said$ # could ha%e kicked myself$ 0-yeah, amnesia is "eird that "-"ay # stammered$ .ike, # remember some things$ ,ut not others$ .ike $ $ $ 2nd then, +ust like that, # said it$ # dont kno" "hy$ #t "as risky$ #t "as probably foolish$ #t "as e'actly the sort of thing, # reali!ed, that Stark Enterprises had been using tracking soft"are to find$ /his "as "hy it had been installed on 6ikki and .ulus computers in the first place$ /his "as "hy Stark Enterprises had been so generous "ith my family "ith the free cellphones$ /o make sure "e "erent gabbing to the "rong people about my secret surgery$ ,ut # "asnt typing "hat # "as about to say, or saying it into a Stark-brand cellphone$ $ $ $ # remember you, # told him$ Suddenly my heart began to hammer$ 0et # couldnt seem to shut myself up$ #t "as like my mouth "as +ust running a"ay "ith itself$ ,ut .ulu had said to make a connection$ /his "asnt the one #d had in mind$ ,ut there it "as$ 4rom that day at the Stark Megastore grand opening, # "ent on$ 6othing happened$ # "aited$ ,ut no men in black suits burst the door do"n$ 6o one "ith guns came busting through the ceiling panels$ We "ere safe$ )hristopher +ust stared at me, his blue eyes 3 so different from abriels, more green around the edges, and rimmed "ith light bro"n lashes instead of dark 3 "ide and incredulous$ # didnt blame him$ # didnt kno" "here # "as going "ith this either$ Shut up, Em, my brain directed my mouth$ Or 6ikkis mouth$ Or "hate%er your name is no"$ 1ust shut up$ /"o million dollars$ /"o million dollars$ ,ut it "as no good$ /he damage "as done$ 0ou remember "hat happened that day( )hristopher asked finally$ # looked do"n at my hands$ My fingernails 3 "hich "ere fake, and still painted black 3 "ere perfect$ 1ust like the rest of me$ On the outside$ /oo bad no one could see that on the inside, # "as a big old mess$ # remember you, # said$ # remember ho" you came "ith your friend$ /he one "ho $ $ $ died$ When # said the "ord died, )hristopher looked 7uickly a"ay from me$ *is fingers "ere fro!en on the keyboard of my laptop$ ,ut it "as too late to turn back$ # could only mo%e for"ard$ /hat must ha%e been so a"ful, # said, my heart t"isting for him$ # mean $ $ $ not like you probably "ant to remember it or anything$ #m sorry to ha%e brought it up$ # +ust $ $ $ # "anted to say something to you about it "hen no one else "as around$ 0ou kno", to tell you ho" badly # felt about it$ # had no idea if 4rida "as right about "hat "as troubling )hristopher$ 2bout him ha%ing been in lo%e "ith me, # mean$ Maybe she "as "rong$ Maybe he "as +ust still reco%ering from ha%ing seen a girl die right in front of him$ 2nybody "ould ha%e been messed up from that$ Maybe 4rida "as completely "rong about )hristopher ha%ing had any special feelings beyond friendship for me$

# dont kno"$ # couldnt tell by looking at his face, because he "as keeping it turned a"ay from me, +ust staring at my computer screen$ #m +ust so, so sorry that that happened, # "ent on$ # cant tell you ho" sorry # am$ What happened "as terrible$ 0ou must $ $ $ you must miss her a lot$ # "aited, thinking he "asnt going to reply at all, he didnt say anything for so long$ ,ut then he did$ *e said, 0eah$ 2nd then his fingers started mo%ing o%er the keyboard again$ 2 minute after that, he said, Well, here you go$ 0oure all set$ 2nd he closed my laptop, and handed it back to me$ 1ust like that$ # felt my eyes fill "ith tears$ # couldnt help it$ # couldnt belie%e .ulu "as "rong$ #t "asnt that #d belie%ed her stupid theory, e'actly$ # mean, ho" dumb "ould you ha%e to be to belie%e that all the boys in the "orld are a little bit in lo%e "ith you( Sure, maybe its true for .ulu$ ,ut "hy "ould )hristopher e%er ha%e been in lo%e "ith me( od, # couldnt belie%e ho" asinine #d been$ # turned around and stuffed the laptop back into my tote, "iping the tears a"ay "ith my slee%e so he couldnt see that # "as crying$ /hanks, # said$ Well$ See you in Public Speaking$ # "as half"ay out the door "hen )hristophers 7uiet %oice stopped me in my tracks$ 6ikki, he said$ # fro!e$ # couldnt turn around, because then hed ha%e seen the tears that had escaped from beneath my eyelids, and "ere trickling do"n my cheeks$ 5h-huh( # said, to the "all$ *is %oice "as still 7uiet$ She "as my best friend, he said$ /he tears came gushing do"n my face, "hich # still kept hidden from him$ Suddenly # "anted to tell him the truth so, so badly$ # "anted to run o%er to him, thro" do"n my bag and fling my arms around him and say, )hristopher, its me: Em: #m not dead: #m in here: # kno" its cra!y, but its true: ,ut # kne" # couldnt$ /"o million dollars$ #nstead # turned around, not caring any more if he sa" # "as crying, and did the one thing # kne" # shouldnt 3 but that # also kne" # had to 3 do$ /he thing # told myself # "as cra!y to do$ /he thing #d tried to talk myself out of doing all morning, since #d thought of it, and that # "ould ha%e left "ithout doing, if he hadnt +ust said those fi%e little "ords$ # reached into my tote, pulled something out of it, turned around, "alked back o%er to him and slapped it do"n in front of him$ /hen # turned and ran before he could ask me "hy #d +ust dropped a sheet of glo"-in-the-dark dinosaur stickers on his desk$ /"enty-fi%e

Wait $ $ $ .ulu leaned do"n to undo )osabellas leash, "hich had t"isted around her legs$ Why are "e bringing pi!!a to these people( ,ecause$ # kept my ga!e on the numbers abo%e our heads as the ele%ator rose higher and higher$ # "ant you to meet them$ 2re they poor or something( 6o, # said "ith a laugh$ /he ele%ator stopped and the door opened$ # thought it "ould be nice to bring them dinner$ Oh$ .ulu follo"ed me do"n the long hall"ay as # balanced the pi!!a bo' in one hand and tried to control )osabella "ith the other$ # thought it "as, like, a charity thing$ 6o, # said$ # didnt "ant to mention the truth 3 that # felt bad for .ulu, because she didnt ha%e any parents around $ $ $ or no one "ho cared about her any"ay$ E'cept for =aterina$ ,ut =aterina "as an employee$ # felt e7ually badly for my parents, "ho #d been sort of ignoring$ Maybe pi!!a and a %isit "ouldnt make up for three days of neglect$ ,ut it "as a start$ /hat, and the ne" non-Stark-brand cellphones #d brought along for each of my parents, as "ell as 4rida$ ,esides, # thought Mom should hear some of .ulus theories$ 4rom a "omens studies point of %ie", # thought shed find them interesting$ Or at least "orth further in%estigation$ # +ust thought eating in "ould be nicer than going out for a change, # said$ Oh, .ulu said$ She rooted around in her purse, found her compact, then checked her reflection$ # get it$ So, ho"d it go "ith the high-school boy( # smiled, remembering ho" )hristopher had yet to say a "ord to me about the stickers$ ,ut hed been looking$ Oh, ho" hed been looking$ # think # made a connection, # said$ *es confused, but $ $ $ # shrugged$ Well ha%e to see ho" it goes$ /heyre all confused, .ulu said "ith a gusty sigh$ So "hy "as there a cable guy in our apartment this afternoon( Were getting Wi-4i installed, # said, stopping in front of @J.$ 6ot using modem connections any more should sol%e our spy"are problems$ 4or no" any"ay$ Why( &id he ask you out( Of course, .ulu said$ ,ut #m supposed to go out "ith a .ibra ne't and hes a )apricorn, so it "ill ne%er "ork$ 2re you ready( # asked her, my finger ho%ering o%er the bell$ #m ready, .ulu said, putting a"ay her compact$ ,ut are you sure you "ouldnt rather go to 6obu( Pi!!a al"ays does a number on your insides$ 2nd "e could go to )a%e after$ My insides, # said, are already messed up$ /he truth is, theyre ne%er going to match my outsides$ # rang the bell$ ,ut you kno" "hat( #m starting to think nobodys insides do$ #ll get it, # heard 4rida shriek inside the apartment$ 2 second later, the door to my old home opened, and 4rida, in s"eats, "ith face cream all o%er her /-!one, stared at us$ Oh my od, she said, her +a" slack as her ga!e darted from me to .ulu and then back again$ Oh my od, its $ $ $ its $ $ $ its $ $ $ *i, 4rida, # said$ #ts me$ )an you tell Mom #m here( # brought pi!!a $ $ $ and my friend .ulu$ # 3 # 3 # 3 4rida "as so e'cited, she let the door bang shut in our faces$ # could hear her tearing through the apartment, screaming, Mo-o-om: uess "hos here( .ulu looked at me curiously$ /hen she said, 6ikki( *o" do you e%en kno" these people( .ulu, # said$ # "ouldnt e%en kno" "here to begin$