SeniorEnglish

StrongLanguage:
SentenceVariety,AvoidingVery,andShow,DontTell

SENTENCEVARIETYThissentencehasfivewords.Herearefivemorewords.Fiveword
sentencesarefine.Butseveraltogetherbecomemonotonous.Listentowhatishappening.Thewritingis
gettingboring.Thesoundofitdrones.Itslikeastuckrecord.Theeardemandssomevariety.Now
listen.Ivarythesentencelength,andIcreatemusic.Music.Thewritingsings.Ithasapleasantrhythm,
alilt,aharmony.Iuseshortsentences.AndIusesentencesofmediumlength.Andsometimes,whenI
amcertainthereaderisrested,Iwillengagehimwithasentenceofconsiderablelength,asentencethat
burnswithenergyandbuildswithalltheimpetusofacrescendo,therollofthedrums,thecrashofthe
cymbalssoundsthatsaylistentothis,itisimportant.~GaryProvost

AVOIDINGVERYAvoidusingthewordverybecauseitslazy.Amanisnotverytiredheis
exhausted.Dontuseverysadusemorose.RobinWilliams,DeadPoetsSociety

SHOW,DONTTELLShow,donttell,isadescriptivewayofwritingoftenusedinfictionthat
allowsthereadertocreateamentalimageofthescenebeingdescribedandnotsimplyacceptingthe
factsbeingfed.

So,then,howexactlydoyoushow?Takethisveryblandsentence,forexample:

Theredcardrovequicklydownthestreetontheautumnday,startlingthe
womanwalkinghersmalldog.

Thissentencetells.Itdoesnotconveythetension,thesuspense,ortheweightofthenarrative.Lookat
therevisionbelow:

Thecarshotdownthestreetlikeafieryrocket,throwingleavesaboutlikeconfetti
initswake.Herheartinherthroat,thewomanliftedheryappingdogintoher
armsandscrambledtotheshoulder.

Inthisexample,theauthor,JenMatera,usedasimiletoshowthecarisfastandred,sheshowedthe
leavesratherthansayitwasautumn,andshedescribedthewomansphysicalreactionstoshowher
emotionsanddescribeherlittledoggy,too.Thepictureisalittleclearerwhenitswrittenmore
descriptive.

Obviously,everydetailofyourstorycannotbewrittenthiswaypagesandpagesofunnecessarydetail
onlybogdownastoryandboreareader.Butwhenyouvegotimportantdetailsyouwanttoconvey,
trytoshowthem.

Forthiswritingexercise,takethefollowingblandtellsnippetandshowitinstead.Andhavefun!

Atellingsentence:

Ms.Greenisastrictteacher.Herclassisveryboring,andthestudentsnever
haveanyfun.

Yourshowingsentence:

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