Eriksons

Psychosocial
Stages
Intimacy
During this stage, the
opportunity being
presented is the adolescents
chance to make connections
with others; this can include
peers, teachers, and
parents! As parents during
this stage, it is important to
be understanding of the
need to connection and self-
discovery.
Vs
Isolation
When intimacy with others
(friends, family, teachers) is
not taking place in an
adolescents development,
they can face feelings of
isolation or separation as
well as loneliness. During
this sensitive time period,
isolation can effect a
teenagers feelings of self-
worth and confidence.
A Self-Regulation Newsletter: How to
Reconnect with Your Teenager
An Authoritative Approach
When parenting an adolescent that is exploring the boundaries of
becoming an adult, it can become frustrating and a parents first instinct
is to put their foot down by creating restrictions and taking away
privileges. With this change in parenting also comes a change in
reciprocating behavior and it is not always a positive one- a vicious cycle
begins that includes a constant battle for power and who will get the last
say. The adolescent will rebel and fight and the parent will instill more
rules: in the end, no good is being done and both parties are left more
frustrated and torn apart then before.
As parents try to gain the power back, an approach to keep in mind is the
authoritative approach. Like the authoritarian approach, the parent
maintains a certain amount of power over the adolescent to ensure their
safety and success, but sometimes a compromise needs to be made in
order to maintain the peace and trust. With an authoritative approach,
parents should be understanding and respectful of the wishes and desires
of their child to an extent that both parties can compromise on the
conditions that surround. For example, if the adolescent wishes to go out
on a Friday night with their friends, a parent utilizing the authoritative
approach will grant permission on the premise that they have finished
their homework or chores. Expectations from the parent should never be
higher than what the adolescent is capable of giving out, expectations
from both parties should always be put on the table and understood as
well as accepted.
How do these methods apply to my childs self-regulation?
When parents try to control the circumstances and social interactions
of their childs life, they are given little to no independence and may
feel over-whelmed, over-stimulated, and suffocated. By utilizing the
Authoritative approach as well as promoting intimacy instead of
isolation, adolescents will be capable of re-discovering their ability to
be independent and make their own decisions. Along with making
decisions, self-regulation will allow adolescents to handle social
problems personally, find ambition to get involved at school or in a job,
and eventually find the desire to be successful by putting themselves
out in the world.