Anthony Nixon-Sandberg

Mrs. Butler
AP Language Arts Composition
October 12, 2014
On Existence

Life is completely and utterly filled with questions, for such is the nature of life, and it
can get confusing to understand how to answer all the questions when life has so very many.
Therefore, one must understand that through basic logic and circular reasoning, all of lifes
questions can be answered, as long as you dont think about them too much. The question to be
answered currently is this- Is there really an Invisible Pink Unicorn in Space.
The aforementioned question can be proven in a ways seven, smiley face, and pink. You
might ask yourself about way number teal. Stop it now. Way number teal is a useless way to
prove anything, and thus will not be further discussed. If you can count, and congratulations if
you can- it is easily one of the hardest things to accomplish- youll notice that there are three
ways to prove the existence of an invisible pink unicorn. Three, if you notice, is a number both
greater than two and less than four, making it the ideal number of ways to prove somethings
existence. The seven way is the most simple of them all: logic. The smiley face way involves the
very nature of reality, and the pink way is seen to be the concept of Missing Baryon. The
methods will go in chrononomialfakeonumerical order, thus will start with way number pink.
The pink way proceeds as followed: to understand the basis of the Invisible Pink Unicorn
in space, one must understand that most of space is really quite unknown. Incredibly unknown.
So very unknown, in fact, that there are serious debates over whether or not the universe, and
thus space, is really just a simulation. This lack of knowledge includes where most of the mass of
the universe is- a number around 95% of the known universal mass. This mass, dubbed both as
dark matter and dark energy are really not dark at all- its simply invisible and pink. This
mass is precisely the mass required to make an invisible pink unicorn, but dont mention it. The
unicorn doesnt like people talking about its mass, and steadfastly declares itself to be big boned.
Therefore, it can logically be concluded that the mass makes up the invisible pink unicorn- as
how else would it be so exact in the mass missing?
Method number smiley face asks you (and yes, the method itself is asking you. The
APLAC demon residing in that method has yet to be exorcised by the Gods of Language.) to
think on the invisible pink unicorn. It can be clearly seen that it must be pink, for that is the color
all unicorns must be, as the Wave-Particle Duality caused by the color emitting from pink fur is
the only way for magic to properly be transmitted. Thus it is proved that the Unicorn is both
magical and pink, as they confirm each other's base assumption. As for being invisible, its
something of a misnomer- light simply bends around it due to its frankly impressive mass.
The pink method goes as such: How could the invisible pink creature in space be both
invisible and pink, were it not a unicorn (as unicorns are obviously known to mess with physics
on a regular occasion. The best current theory of why they do so is that they never passed equine
physics, and are upset over it) ? Thus, it can clearly be seen to be a unicorn. How could the
unicorn, who are already be proven to be pink, be invisible if not for the great amount of mass it
possesses, thus causing light to bend around the substantial mass? Thus, it can clearly be seen to
be carry the unknown mass of the universe. If the creature is a unicorn, thus being pink,
invisible, and in space, the premise of the Invisible Pink Unicorn in Space is proven.