The Declaration of Independence

of the Minors of American Families

When in the course of familial events it becomes necessary for one
member to dissolve social bands that have connected them with another
and assume entitlement to the powers of the earth. In respect to the
political opinions of family, it is required to declare the causes impelling the
separation.
We, the students and children of American households, hold the
following truths to be undeniable: All family members are created equal.
All kids are endowed with rights given by our Creator, that among these are
Vitality, Opportunity, and the Quest of Prosperity. When government
ceases to provide these rights, it is the right of the children to amend or
abolish it. Government of the family household should reside among the
necessitous laws made by the kids, for the kids.
Parents have withheld our rights to jurisdiction in the proceedings of
government; we cannot amend or abolish their house laws and
government.
Her Excellency forces female minors above the age of ten years to fold
laundry.
Her Excellency requires a daily harpsichord and other instruments.
Parents wont buy cereal when it is not on sale.
Parents limit reading time before homework completion and bedtime.
Parents force us to clean our rooms and other property that has been
given to us.
Parents force us to take showers.
Parents leave us no choice of transportation to school.
Parents force us to try new meals; we starve on salad, old leftovers, or
cereal.
Parents do not allow cardboard boxes in the living room, kitchen,
sunroom, front room, hallway, or any room other than your own. If this rule
is violated, the box is immediately disposed of.
Parents make us, the employees of house chores, share work like dish
duties. We are all paid the same amount.
Parents have confiscated our weapons of defense.
Parents underpay us for car washes and dish duties.
Parents have deprived us the right to freedom of singing. This includes
but is not limited to: opera, musicals, chorus practice, jazz scatting, lip
trilling, and humming.
Parents have made an edict against music stereo players.
We have petitioned in a most amiable manner to warn our parents of the
acts of tyranny consuming our natural rights as citizens in our households.
Our petitions have been met with disgraceful arguments and refusal of our

law proposals. Parents that act in this way are tyrants! They have not
listened to reason or justice, so it is necessary to secede from the family.
Our united congress of the minors of American society declare our
independence from the reign of our parents. We pledge our lives, fortune,
and honor in our true support for this cause. We do have and ought to
have the full rights to talk and sing as we please, run our own technological
devices with all liberty, find work without being obligated to complete
house chores, keep whatever property we would like on our terrain, choose
our own foods, have our own hygiene routine, utilize our toy weapons, and
possess rights to amend our own laws of the house. We have completely
dissolved all allegiance to our parents.