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Jokes For All Occasions: Selected and Edited by One of America's Foremost Public Speakers
Jokes For All Occasions: Selected and Edited by One of America's Foremost Public Speakers
Jokes For All Occasions: Selected and Edited by One of America's Foremost Public Speakers
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Jokes For All Occasions: Selected and Edited by One of America's Foremost Public Speakers

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"Jokes For All Occasions: Selected and Edited by One of America's Foremost Public Speakers" by anonymous isn't just a collection of jokes, but also a collection of anecdotes from the 1920s. Though this book is over a century old, modern readers can still find light-hearted enjoyment in its pages. The art of making the whole narration entertaining and amusing is to be attained only by intelligent practice. It is commonly believed that story-sellers are born, not made, this collection demonstrates that immense talent.
LanguageEnglish
PublisherGood Press
Release dateNov 19, 2019
ISBN4057664121585
Jokes For All Occasions: Selected and Edited by One of America's Foremost Public Speakers

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    Jokes For All Occasions - Good Press

    Anonymous

    Jokes For All Occasions

    Selected and Edited by One of America's Foremost Public Speakers

    Published by Good Press, 2022

    goodpress@okpublishing.info

    EAN 4057664121585

    Table of Contents

    PREFACE

    INTRODUCTION

    STORIES.

    JOKES

    FOR ALL OCCASIONS

    ABSENTMINDEDNESS

    ACQUAINTANCE

    ACTORS

    ADVERTISING

    AFFECTION

    AGE

    ALIBI

    AMNESTY

    ANATOMY

    APPEARANCE

    APPETITE

    APPRECIATION

    ARGUMENT

    ART

    ATHLETICS

    AUTHORS

    BABIES

    BAIT

    BALDNESS

    BAPTISM

    BAPTISTS

    BASEBALL

    BATTLE

    BEARS

    BEER

    BEGGARS

    BEGINNERS

    BETROTHAL

    BIGAMY

    BIRTH

    BLESSING

    BLIND

    BLINDNESS

    BLOCKHEAD

    BONE OF CONTENTION

    BREAKFAST

    BREVITY

    BRIBERY

    BRUTALITY

    BURGLARY

    CANDOR

    CALMNESS

    CARDS

    CARELESSNESS

    CATERPILLARS

    CATS

    CHARITY

    CHICKEN-STEALING

    CHRISTIANITY

    CHRISTMAS

    CHURCH

    CLEANLINESS

    COMMUNITY

    COMPENSATION

    COMPLIMENTS

    CONCEALMENT

    CONCEIT

    CONSCIENCE

    CONSTANCY

    CONVERSION

    COOKERY

    COURTESY

    COWARDICE

    CURIOSITY

    DAMAGES

    DANGER

    DEAD CERTAINTY

    DEAD MEN'S SHOES

    DEAFNESS

    DEFINITION

    DEGREES IN DEGRADATION

    DELAY

    DEVIL

    DIET

    DIGESTION

    DIPLOMACY

    DIRT

    DISCIPLINE

    DISCRETION

    DIVORCE

    DOCTORS

    DOCTRINE

    DOCUMENTARY EVIDENCE

    DOGS

    DOMESTIC QUARRELS

    DOUBT

    DRAMA

    DREAMS

    DRESS

    DRINK

    DRUGGED

    DUTY

    EASY LIVING

    ECONOMY

    EFFICIENCY

    EGGS

    EGOTISM

    ELEPHANT

    ELOPEMENT

    ENOUGH

    EPITAPH

    EVIDENCE

    EXCLUSIVENESS

    EXPECTANCY

    EXPENSE ACCOUNT

    EXPERIENCE

    EXPERTS

    EXPLICITNESS

    EXTRAVAGANCE

    FACTS

    FASHION

    FAVORS

    FIGHTING

    FINANCE

    FINANCIERS

    FISHING

    FLATTERY

    FLEAS

    FLIRTATION

    FLOOD

    FLOWERS

    FOG

    FOLLIES

    FOOD

    FOREHANDEDNESS

    FORESIGHT

    FORGETFULNESS

    FORM

    FRAUD

    FRIENDSHIP

    FRENCH

    FUSSINESS

    GENDER

    GENTLEMAN

    GEOGRAPHY

    GHOSTS

    GOD

    GOD'S WILL

    GOLF

    GRACE

    GRAMMAR

    GRASS

    GREED

    GRIEF

    HABIT

    HAIR

    HARD TO PLEASE

    HASTE

    HEARSAY

    HEAVEN

    HELP

    HELPFULNESS

    HEN

    HEREAFTER

    HEREDITY

    HIGH PRICES

    HINDSIGHT

    HINTING

    HISTORY

    HOGS

    HOLDING HIS OWN

    HOME BREW

    HOMESICKNESS

    HONEYMOON

    HONORABLE INTENTIONS

    HOSPITAL

    HOSPITALITY

    HUMBUG

    HUMIDITY

    HUMILITY

    HUNGER

    HUNTING

    IDENTITY

    IDIOMS

    ILLUSTRATION

    IMPATIENCE

    IMPUDENCE

    INDIRECTION

    INHERITANCE

    INITIATIVE

    INJUSTICE

    INNOCENCE

    INQUISITIVENESS

    INSOMNIA

    INSULT

    INSURANCE

    INTERMISSION

    INVENTORS

    ITEMS

    JOKES

    KINSHIP

    KISSES

    KISSING

    LAUGHTER

    LAW

    LAWYERS

    LEGERDEMAIN

    LIARS

    LIES

    LIGHTNING

    LISP

    LITERAL

    LITERALNESS

    LOGIC

    LOQUACITY

    LOVE

    LOVE ME, LOVE ME NOT

    LUCK

    LUNACY

    LUXURY

    LYING

    MAIDENS

    MAIDEN SPEECH

    MANNERS

    MARKSMANSHIP

    MARRIAGE

    MERIT

    MILITARY DISCIPLINE

    MISCELLANY

    MISTAKEN IDENTITY

    MISMATED

    MIXED METAPHORS

    MODESTY

    MONEY TALKS

    MONEY VALUE

    MONOGAMY

    MONOTONY

    MORALITY

    MOSQUITOES

    MOTTO

    MUSIC

    NEATNESS

    NEIGHBORS

    NERVES

    NIGHTMARE

    NOMENCLATURE

    OBSTINACY

    OMEN

    OPTICAL ILLUSION

    OPTIMISM

    ORIENTATION

    OUTWORN

    PARADOX

    PASTORAL

    PATRIOTISM

    PEACE

    PENSION

    PESSIMISM

    PHILANTHROPY

    PHONETICS

    PHYSIOLOGY

    PLAIN SPEAKING

    PLAYING POSSUM

    PLUMBER

    POETRY

    POINT OF VIEW

    POKER

    POLITENESS

    POLITICS

    POPULATION

    POSTAL

    PRAISE

    PRAYER

    PREACHER

    PRECAUTION

    PRECOCITY

    PREMATURENESS

    PREPAREDNESS

    PRIDE

    PRECOCIOUSNESS

    PRISON REFORM

    PRIVILEGE

    PROCRASTINATION

    PROFANITY

    PROFITEERS

    PROGRESS

    PROHIBITION

    PROLIFIC

    PRONUNCIATION

    PROOF

    PROPERTY

    PROVIDENCE

    PRUDENCE

    PUNISHMENT

    PUNS

    PUZZLE

    QUARRELSOME

    QUESTIONS

    RAILROAD

    RECOGNITION

    REFORM

    RELIABILITY

    REPENTANCE

    REPETITION

    RESIGNATION

    REVOLUTION

    REWARD OF MERIT

    REWARD OF VIRTUE

    RULING PASSION

    SAFETY FIRST

    SANITY

    SARCASM

    SAVING

    SCHEDULE

    SEASICKNESS

    SECTARIAN

    SELF-BETRAYAL

    SERMON

    SCAPEGOAT

    SHEEP AND GOATS

    SHIFTLESSNESS

    SHIPWRECK

    SLANDER

    SLAVERY

    SMELLS

    SOCIAL UPLIFT

    SPANKING

    SPEED

    SPELLING

    SPINSTERHOOD

    SPITE

    SPORTSMANSHIP

    SPRING

    STAMMERING

    STYLE

    SUNDAY SCHOOL

    SUPERMAN

    SUPERSTITION

    SUSPENSE

    SUSPICION

    SYMPATHY

    TACT

    TALKING MACHINE

    TAR AND FEATHERS

    TASTE

    TEARS

    TENDER MEMORIES

    TERMINOLOGY

    TESTIMONY

    THREAT

    THRIFT

    TIME FLIES

    TIT FOR TAT

    TOBACCO

    TOILETTE DETAILS

    TONGUE

    TREACHERY

    TREASURE TROVE

    TRIAL

    TRIPLETS

    TRUTH-TELLERS

    TYPOGRAPHICAL ERROR

    VALUES

    VANITY

    VICTORY

    WAR

    WEATHER

    WHALES

    WHISKERS

    WIDOW

    WIDOWHOOD

    WIFE

    WILD WOMEN

    WISDOM

    WOMAN

    WOMAN SUFFRAGE

    The following pages have been selected and edited by Life's famous contributor

    + A. C.

    HOPE SPRINGS ETERNAL

    A CONSOLING THOUGHT

    LIFE'S DIFFICULTIES

    THE SERVANT PROBLEM

    TROUBLES OF THE NEW-POOR

    THE NEW APPRECIATION

    OUR MODERN INFANT

    A SUBTLE DISTINCTION

    BLUE BLOOD

    THE OBSTACLE

    CHANGING THE SUBJECT

    A CHANCE LOST

    DURING THE QUARREL

    CONDITIONAL

    JUST IGNORANCE

    ALL IN ONE BREATH

    A YOUNG PHILOSOPHER

    FEMININITY

    GETTING EVEN

    A SOOTHING EFFECT

    IN THAT CASE

    A QUALIFIED STATEMENT

    HIS SPHERE

    A LOVERS' QUARREL

    A DREADFUL POSSIBILITY

    GETTING RECKLESS

    RETROACTIVE

    APOLOGIZING

    DENIED THE PRIVILEGE

    A GOOD PLAN

    ENFRANCHISEMENT OF WOMAN

    FAMILIARITY, ETC.

    REASSURING

    HOW IT HAPPENED

    A LINGUIST

    THE DIFFERENCE

    THE ROAD TO——, ETC.

    CLASSIFIED

    A SOLUTION

    ENCOURAGING

    AN ALIAS

    CHANGING PLACES

    ECONOMY

    QUALIFIED

    CLAIMING ACQUAINTANCE

    FROM THE HEART

    AN ARGUMENT

    THE SECRET

    WANTS HER RIGHTS

    GETTING BACK

    DURING VACATION

    NOT UNIQUE

    A NOBLE AIM

    ONCE TOO OFTEN

    CAUSE AND EFFECT

    SYMPATHY

    SLIGHTED

    GOING FURTHER

    GETTING ON

    LITERALLY

    AN EXTENSIVE LOVE

    CAUSE AND EFFECT

    NO DISSENSION

    IN KEEPING

    HE KNEW

    ARRANGED TO FIT

    PROBABLY

    SURE SIGNS

    SUCH A WASTE

    TOO ONE-SIDED

    DISCRETION

    BETTER UNSAID

    LETTING HIM KNOW

    WHY, INDEED

    ONLY THEIR WAY

    INADVERTENT

    MAKING SURE

    MORE DESPERATE STILL

    SYMPATHY

    POPULAR OPINION

    MORE OPPORTUNITY

    NOT WHAT SHE MEANT

    JUSTIFICATION

    HIS REPUTATION

    NOT UP-TO-DATE

    NOT RESTRICTED

    A GREAT ATHLETE

    NOTHING NEW TO HIM

    KNOWLEDGE

    A HUMBLING SIGHT

    TROUBLESOME CUSTOMER

    REMEMBERED

    NATURAL DEDUCTION

    TOO GOOD

    AN ERROR IN JUDGMENT

    TEACHING THE YOUNG IDEA

    HE TAKES YOUR TIME

    THE FLOOR HELD

    HIS DIFFICULTY

    THE REAL JOB

    OFF LIKE A SHOT

    ANSWERED

    TO BE SURE

    A CLOSE CALL

    READY AND WILLING

    SARCASM

    NONE AT ALL

    ART AND NATURE

    MISUNDERSTOOD

    ALL BRAINS

    THIRTEEN TO ONE

    A GOOD ACTOR

    TOO SAD FOR THAT

    REALISED

    NEVER MISS ONE

    A BAD NIGHT

    TRIPPED

    THE GLOOMY GUEST

    NOT IN THE BUSINESS

    HER VIEWS

    A GOOD MATCH

    LIFE'S BIGGEST PROBLEM

    FISHY RECORD

    PERFECT AGREEMENT

    BOTTLED COURAGE

    IT WORKED

    FILM FEVER

    THE DRUGGIST'S TURN

    WRONG BROTHER

    GUILTY

    TOO ENTHUSIASTIC

    BAD BOTH WAYS

    HIS LITTLE MISTAKE

    TOUGH ON THE SENATOR

    REDEEMING TRAIT

    OFF

    NOT A FATHER

    WEDDING DECLARED OFF

    PERHAPS!

    NO DOUBT

    THE ALLEGED HUMORISTS

    NO KICK COMING

    NO NONSENSE ABOUT IT

    TOO TRUE

    CONSERVATIVE

    HE HAD HEARD OF THEM

    WHAT DID HE MEAN?

    TRUE TO LIFE

    WHAT HE PREFERRED

    BLOOD RELATIONS

    SCOTCHED!

    THE BRUTE!

    THE WHOLE TRUTH

    THE CONSUMER INFLAMED

    HOW HE DID IT

    REALITY

    PURE CARELESSNESS

    A LEVEL-HEADED CAR

    SUSPICIOUS

    A WONDER!

    IN A FIX

    SUCKED!

    HALF AND HALF

    REVENGE IS SWEET

    NO EFFECT

    A FUTURE FINANCIER

    A BAD CASE

    BLACK SUPERSTITION

    HALF A DUCK DEEP

    COULDN'T RESIST IT

    A QUESTION OF LOCALITY

    HER SOFT ANSWER

    HE WAS WRONG

    OPENING FATHER'S EYES

    NICE

    NOT NEEDED

    SHE COULD USE HIM

    DECLINED WITH THANKS

    MANAGING THE MANAGERS

    A GREAT LIGHT

    SANDY SCORED

    WITH A RESERVATION

    TOO SMART

    OLD ENOUGH TO KNOW THAT

    NATIVE BORN

    THE JONAH

    THE SUBSTITUTE

    MIGHT HAVE BEEN WORSE

    GOOD OR BAD TURN?

    TALKING SENSE

    A MAGIC HEALER

    SHE TOOK THEM

    BUT HE'S ON HIS WAY

    HER MATCH

    SCIENTIFIC PROOF

    A NATURAL PICTURE

    NOTHING TO SMILE AT

    DREW BLANK

    A FRIEND IN NEED

    WHAT HE PREFERRED

    READY TO JOIN

    HELPFUL PA!

    HE KNEW

    THEY WILT

    NOT STRONG ENOUGH

    WHY HE PICKED PICTISH

    PLAYED THEM BOTH UP

    JUSTICE AT LAST

    IN ORDER TO BE FILLED

    CAUSTIC

    NOT WORTH MUCH

    NOTHING TO FEAR

    MISLED

    PREFACE

    Table of Contents

    The ways of telling a story are as many as the tellers themselves. It is impossible to lay down precise rules by which any one may perfect himself in the art, but it is possible to offer suggestions by which to guide practise in narration toward a gratifying success.

    Broadly distinguished, there are two methods of telling a story. One uses the extreme of brevity, and makes its chief reliance on the point. The other devotes itself in great part to preliminary elaboration in the narrative, making this as amusing as possible, so that the point itself serves to cap a climax. In the public telling of an anecdote the tyro would be well advised to follow the first method. That is, he should put his reliance on the point of the story, and on this alone. He should scrupulously limit himself to such statements as are absolutely essential to clear understanding of the point. He should make a careful examination of the story with two objects in mind: the first, to determine just what is required in the way of explanation; the second, an exact understanding of the point itself. Then, when it comes to the relating of the story, he must simply give the information required by the hearers in order to appreciate the point. As to the point itself, he must guard against any carelessness. Omission of an essential detail is fatal. It may be well for him, at the outset, to memorize the conclusion of the story. No matter how falteringly the story is told, it will succeed if the point itself be made clear, and this is insured for even the most embarrassed speaker by memorizing it.

    The art of making the whole narration entertaining and amusing is to be attained only by intelligent practise. It is commonly believed that story-sellers are born, not made. As a matter of fact, however, the skilled raconteurs owe their skill in great measure to the fact that they are unwearying in practise. It is, therefore, recommended to any one having ambition in this direction that he cultivate his ability by exercising it. He should practise short and simple stories according to his opportunities, with the object of making the narration smooth and easy. An audience of one or two familiar friends is sufficient in the earlier efforts. Afterward, the practise may be extended before a larger number of listeners on social occasions. When facility has been attained in the simplest form, attempts to extend the preliminary narrative should be made. The preparation should include an effort to invest the characters of the story; or its setting, with qualities amusing in themselves, quite apart from any relation to the point. Precise instruction cannot be given, but concentration along this line will of itself develop the humorous perception of the story-teller, so that, though the task may appear too difficult in prospect, it will not prove so in actual experience. But, in every instance, care must be exercised to keep the point of the story clearly in view, and to omit nothing essential in the preparation for it.

    In the selection of stories to be retailed, it is the part of wisdom to choose the old, rather than the new. This is because the new story, so called, travels with frightful velocity under modern social conditions, and, in any particular case, the latest story, when told by you to a friend, has just been heard by him from some other victim of it. But the memory of most persons for stories is very short. Practically never does it last for years. So, it is uniformly safe to present as novelties at the present day the humor of past decades. Moreover, the exercise of some slight degree of ingenuity will serve to give those touches in the way of change by which the story may be brought up to date. Indeed, by such adaptation, the story is made really one's own—as the professional humorists thankfully admit!


    INTRODUCTION

    Table of Contents

    Wit and humor, and the distinction between them, defy precise definition. Luckily, they need none. To one asking what is beauty, a wit replied: That is the question of a blind man. Similarly, none requires a definition of wit and humor unless he himself be lacking in all appreciation of them, and, if he be so lacking, no amount of explanation will avail to give him understanding. Borrow, in one of his sermons, declared concerning wit: It is, indeed, a thing so versatile, multiform, appearing in so many shapes and garbs, so variously apprehended of several eyes and judgments, that it seemeth no less hard to settle a clear and certain notion thereof than to make a portrait of Proteus, or to define the figure of the fleeting wind. Nor is it fitting to attempt exact distinctions between wit and humor, which are essentially two aspects of one thing. It is enough to realize that humor is the product of nature rather than of art, while wit is the expression of an intellectual art. Humor exerts an emotional appeal, produces smiles or laughter; wit may be amusing, or it may not, according to the circumstances, but it always provokes an intellectual appreciation. Thus, Nero made a pun on the name of Seneca, when the philosopher was brought before him for sentence. In speaking the decree that the old man should kill himself, the emperor used merely the two Latin words: Se neca. We admit the ghastly cleverness of the jest, but we do not chuckle over it.

    The element of surprise is common to both wit and humor, and it is often a sufficient cause for laughter in itself, irrespective of any essentially amusing quality in the cause of the surprise. The unfamiliar, for this reason, often has a ludicrous appeal to primitive peoples. An African tribe, on being told by the missionary that the world is round, roared with laughter for hours; it is told of a Mikado that he burst a blood-vessel and died in a fit of merriment induced by hearing that the American people ruled themselves. In like fashion, the average person grins or guffaws at sight of a stranger in an outlandish costume, although, as a matter of fact, the dress may be in every respect superior to his own. Simply, its oddity somehow tickles the risibilities. Such surprise is occasioned by contrasting circumstances. When a pompous gentleman, marching magnificently, suddenly steps on a banana peel, pirouettes, somersaults, and sits with extreme violence, we laugh before asking if he broke a leg.

    The fundamentals of wit and humor are the same throughout all the various tribes of earth, throughout all the various ages of history. The causes of amusement are essentially the same everywhere and always, and only the setting changes according to time and place. But racial characteristics establish preferences for certain aspects of fun-making, and such preferences serve to some extent in differentiating the written humor of the world along the lines of nationality. Nevertheless, it is a fact that the really amusing story has an almost universal appeal. I have seen in an American country newspaper a town correspondent's humorous effort in which he gave Si Perkins's explanation of being in jail. And that explanation ran on all fours with a Chinese story ages and ages old. The local correspondent did not plagiarize from the Chinaman: merely, the humorous bent of the two was identical. In the ancient Oriental tale, a man who wore the thief's collar as a punishment was questioned by an acquaintance concerning the cause of his plight.

    Why, it was just nothing at all, the convict explained easily. I was strolling along the edge of the canal, when I happened to catch sight of a bit of old rope. Of course, I knew that old piece of rope was of no use to anyone, and so I just picked it up, and took it home with me.

    But I don't understand, the acquaintance exclaimed. Why should they punish you so severely for a little thing like that? I don't understand it.

    I don't understand it, either, the convict declared, unless, maybe, it was because there was an ox at the other end of the rope.

    The universality of humor is excellently illustrated in Greek literature, where is to be found many a joke at which we are laughing to-day, as others have laughed through the centuries. Half a thousand years before the Christian era, a platonic philosopher at Alexandria, by name Hierocles, grouped twenty-one jests in a volume under the title, Asteia. Some of them are still current with us as typical Irish bulls. Among these were accounts of the Safety-first enthusiast who determined never to enter the water until he had learned to swim; of the horse-owner, training his nag to live without eating, who was successful in reducing the feed to a straw a day, and was about to cut this off when the animal spoiled the test by dying untimely; of the fellow who posed before a looking glass with his eyes closed, to learn how he looked when asleep; of the inquisitive person who held a crow captive in order to test for himself whether it would live two centuries; of the man who demanded to know from an acquaintance met in the street whether it was he or his twin brother who had just been buried. Another Greek jest that has enjoyed a vogue throughout the world at large, and will doubtless survive even prohibition, was the utterance of Diogenes, when he was asked as to what sort of wine he preferred. His reply was: That of other people.

    Again, we may find numerous duplicates of contemporary stories of our own in the collection over which generations of Turks have laughed, the tales of Nasir Eddin. In reference to these, it may be noted that Turkish wit and humor are usually distinguished by a moralizing quality. When a man came to Nasir Eddin for the loan of a rope, the request was refused with the excuse that Nasir's only piece had been used to tie up flour. But it is impossible to tie up flour with a rope, was the protest. Nasir Eddin answered: I can tie up anything with a rope when I do not wish to lend it.

    When another would have borrowed his ass, Nasir replied that he had already loaned the animal. Thereupon, the honest creature brayed from the stable. But the ass is there, the visitor cried indignantly. I hear it! Nasir Eddin retorted indignantly: What! Would you take the word of an ass instead of mine?

    In considering the racial characteristics of humor, we should pay tribute to the Spanish in the person of Cervantes, for Don Quixote is a mine of drollery. But the bulk of the humor among all the Latin races is of a sort that our more prudish standards cannot approve. On the other hand, German humor often displays a characteristic spirit of investigation. Thus, the little boy watching the pupils of a girls' school promenading two by two, graded according to age, with the youngest first and the oldest last, inquired of his mother: Mama, why is it that the girls' legs grow shorter as they grow older? In the way of wit, an excellent illustration is afforded by Heine, who on receiving a book from its author wrote in acknowledgment of the gift: I shall lose no time in reading it.

    The French are admirable in both wit and humor, and the humor is usually kindly, though the shafts of wit are often barbed. I remember a humorous picture of a big man shaking a huge trombone in the face of a tiny canary in its cage, while he roars in anger: That's it! Just as I was about, with the velvety tones of my instrument, to imitate the twittering of little birds in the forest, you have to interrupt with your infernal din! The caustic quality of French wit is illustrated plenteously by Voltaire. There is food for meditation in his utterance: Nothing is so disagreeable as to be obscurely hanged. He it was, too, who sneered at England for having sixty religions and only one gravy. To an adversary in argument who quoted the minor prophet Habakkuk, he retorted contemptuously: A person with a name like that is capable of saying anything.

    But French wit is by no means always of the cutting sort. Its more amiable aspect is shown by the declaration of Brillat Savarin to the effect that a dinner without cheese is like a beautiful woman with only one eye. Often the wit is merely the measure of absurdity, as when a courtier in speaking of a fat friend said: I found him sitting all around the table by himself. And there is a ridiculous story of the impecunious and notorious Marquis de Favières who visited a Parisian named Barnard, and announced himself as follows:

    Monsieur, I am about to astonish you greatly. I am the Marquis de Favières. I do not know you, but I come to you to borrow five-hundred luis.

    Barnard answered with equal explicitness:

    Monsieur, I am going to astonish you much more. I know you, and I am going to lend them to you.

    The amiable malice, to use a paradoxical phrase, which is often characteristic of French tales, is capitally displayed in the following:

    The wife of a villager in Poitou became ill, and presently fell into a trance, which deceived even the physician, so that she was pronounced dead, and duly prepared for burial. Following the local usage, the body was wrapped in a sheet, to be borne to the burial place on the shoulders of four men chosen from the neighborhood. The procession followed a narrow path leading across the fields to the cemetery. At a turning, a thorn tree stood so close that one of the thorns tore through the sheet and lacerated the woman's flesh. The blood flowed from the wound, and she suddenly aroused to consciousness. Fourteen years elapsed before the good wife actually came to her deathbed. On this occasion, the ceremonial was repeated. And now, as the bearers of the body approached the turn of the path, the husband called to them:

    Look out for the thorn tree, friends!

    The written humor of the Dutch does not usually make a very strong appeal to us. They are inclined to be ponderous even in their play, and lack in great measure the sarcasm and satire and the lighter subtlety in fun-making. History records a controversy between Holland and Zealand, which was argued pro and con during a period of years with great earnestness. The subject for debate that so fascinated the Dutchmen was: Does the cod take the hook, or does the hook take the cod?

    Because British wit and humor often present themselves under aspects somewhat different from those preferred by us, we belittle their efforts unjustly. As a matter of fact, the British attainments in this direction are the best in the world, next to our own. Moreover, in the British colonies is to be found a spirit of humor that exactly parallels our own in many distinctive features. Thus, there is a Canadian story that might just as well have originated below the line, of an Irish girl, recently imported, who visited her clergyman and inquired his fee for marrying. He informed her that his charge was two dollars. A month later, the girl visited the clergyman for the second time, and at once handed him two dollars, with the crisp direction, Go ahead and marry me.

    Where is the bridegroom? the clergyman asked.

    What! exclaimed the girl, dismayed. Don't you furnish him for the two dollars?

    It would seem that humor is rather more enjoyable to the British taste than wit, though there is, indeed, no lack of the latter. But the people delight most in absurd situations that appeal to the risibilities without any injury to the feelings of others. For example, Dickens relates an anecdote concerning

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