WEY ALL THOUGHT T WAS IN ART SCHOOL to LEARN THE VARIOUS TECHNIQUES OF SELF- EXPRESGION PURSUANT THE STORY THAT TO'R CAREER IN THE VISUAL ARTS -- AND THAT'S BKACTLY WHAT ZL WANTED ‘em To THINK ! ACTUALLY, T WAG, maede bo ANEREE LANGE UUNDERCOVEE AGENT, IN 20¢8 0 aC ade) ‘Giee ear oda of Tae eentueys Eta VBS CONFIDENTIAL Rich Guys WHO DRAW WORSE THAN YOUR SEVEN YEAR-OLD SISTER! HAS- BEEN FAMOMS-ARTIST PROFESSORS WHO COULDN'T HH TEACH A Tae arr 9G To Peewse BARK! \ OBSESSED NEWPOTIC ART-GIRLS WHO MAKE THEIR OWN CLOTHES! THE TEACHERS ARE NOT THERE To HELP You. MOST OF THEM ARE STILL FREE LANCERS AND THE LAST THING THEY WANT 16° MOBE COMPETITION THEY Ave THEeee BECAUSE THEY Nee A SteAoy PAY- CHECK AND THEY Hope To GloRe Some Pussy * N_ THE OLD DAYS, ART SCHOOLS TAMGHT PRACTICAL TECHNIQUES To'THE EAGER, DEDICATED Few wHo Po556S5E0 THE TEMPERAMENT To Keep WP WITH A DEMANDING CURRICULUM. THIS 6 A PHOTO AIRBRUSHING CLASS, MISTER -- Ie You WANT To 00 THAT PICASSO Bruce, Go TO ie We TODAY, ANYONE WITH A TRUST FUND CAN EXCEL IN CLASSES THAT ARE LITTLE MORE THAN VAGUE PEP - TALES DESIGNED To KEEP ENROW MENT UP By TRICKING STUDENTS INTO NPOTENTIAC rp LHINE THIS 1S NICE KEEP GoING IN THIg DIRECTION WHAT Do wou THINK, CLASS Z[Fueee are two Reasons 10 GO 10 Aer UNFORTUNATE, MOGT OF THE GALS WHO ou: AN WoRE 2) Loose 62 0 BRT SCHOOL ARE “SUPER Ue ‘Sranwen (auc (8 WAG 62% 26 THe ENS THEN GAY BY THEIR FIRST CHEISTIMAS VACATION Nure! 1 eoRoot v0 - P Do MY HOMEWORK AGAIN! .. LETS. H ae) 0 ny || seen"? guess Covus HAN” IN My TOOTH BRUSH AGA CONCEPTUAL, NT iT ERISM- WANNA You AND HI, Stete ment Reour consi oF WN foe: wiZt ANE, «2 | IIIT exoeuem - y, | seer ae (ll eA TT - & Rewwat 1 ! snare + tone TT = ie nck oy WN 2 oad [pean =| 1 Sirseo Young. ctowes | | ‘Oo | NI P | | | ) a = tn [Ano BELIEVE ME, Beaute. Aer genoow plete “ace REAL TROUBLE Cont EVEN Ger Mme STARTED DONT HOLD ANY FALSE NOTIONS ABouT THE NUDE MovELS, EITHER... VoouE “cover- @1RUS DON'T woRK THE clecuir.* T CANT HAVE SEX WITH You ANUMORE. TE Gor TO CHANNEL ACL THAT eNeRey INTO MY POTTERY: every Boos “THe HIDEOUS, NeSuTE HIPPIE IC ANO HER FREAKIN, Poopue -Hne. ED BoyeRIEND. E THINK T'UL PAINT Mg Room BLACK. _ Cretan Recureine CHARACTER-TYPES APPEAR IN Every ART ScHeou CLASS... THERE'S THE TECHNOLS6ICAL WIZARD--- JOE PRO. AS Yo CAN SEE, 11g A REALISTIC PopTRAIT of Ketor SAMES GARNER DONE IN A STuce REMIN- my PROSECT 15 GONNA BE A LITTLE Late, Mey Bove. THAD To Do SOME ILLASTRATIONS FOR ais, you con's W I iScent of THe FLEMISH Newsweek ovee THE 16 very PLue IT IN! MAGTERS BUAK BLAH Nice, CAROL. BLAH Ere. b3800 Keece. Sooo usr Tae eer 2F us we Hh [conecompletely TALENTLESS, RICH Howsewire Wirt Wwe Muck Time ON HER HANDS- I'm AERAID THIS \] Isn't comin our FRAZETTA- STYLE PAINTING OF A BARBARIAN AS THE | SOUATION To every ASSIGNMENT! BARIAN ¢ CULTIVATED GRIM, BULLEN OBMEANOE-- Just uke A BAR- THE MACHO ART-SADIST... THIS 600 WOULD DRAW HIS GI2LERIEND. IN AN ENDLESS VARIETY OF HWMILIATINGr SEXUALLY BUBMIGSIVE | POSES AND THEN, MAKE HER COME To CLASS WITH HIM | Rage i6 THE PRAGMATIST AMONG AerT-cciool| PROFESSORS... ONY VERY OCCASIONALLY DO SON COME ACROSS SOMEONG WHO IS WILUNG To LeveL WITH STUDENTS ABOUT THEIR BLEAK PRoseecrs... PaTHgTiC, YET NOT wrTHoUT A CERTAIN NEVER-9A9-DIE FIGHTING SPIRIT, THIS DESPERATE FELLOW TRIED TO PASS" OFFHIS “TRASHED DORM ROOM AG A FINAL PROJECT L (AND SUPPOSEDLY, AS AN EXPRESSION QE ERUSTRATION THIS 16 NoT WHOLLY INVALID’ HUNDRED WILL FIND WORK IN Kis CHOSEN FIELD. THE REST OF YOU ARE ESSENTIALLY WASTING Your TIME LEARNING A USELESS “Hose” ONY ONE STUDENT OUT OF A Tu Be THAT ONE ! FORTUNATELY, TALENT CEALLY I6W'T THE Issuer. EAR MORE IMPORTANT I THE GIFT OF GAB ! PAVID RIVERS TOLD Me AT AWE WHITNEY THE OTHER DAY CONSCIOUS HOMAGE To LEGER IN SEVERAL OF MY Pieces BUT THIS ONE OWES MORE 7? BLAH BLAH mai Tr oon must 6070 ART 6cHoOL FOR GOD'S BAKE MAKE THE MOST OF iro EVER AGAIN IN’ LiFe WiLL Gon B THE CHANCE TO ECRUTINIZE SUCH AN ARRAY OF LOSERS IN AN ENVIPONMENT THAT ACTUALLY) JENcournees THEIR MOST PRETENTIONS IN- THAT HE FOUND MB WORK To | |CLINATIONS ! = HAVE TRACES OF LATENT FUT- URISM, CERTAINLG THERE 15 A THIS 16 MY “ScuLpTuee " T CALL IT “TANGERINE AMOEBA SeLvom 1F APEORDED APARTHEID HEARTBEAT IZ”ee lege 34,4 19 one e ‘@lugsger Set vivid Againer the Title soft fal cxesee ; Le yican) FINO It IN Gricage You DENT HEED, ire S on Bragging and Taseghing tat index thie wrist 34 the pale And ender W48 Pid the! inoart of the yeevle, Laughing! Langning the stormy 5 nusieg brawling Javghier of youth hais- Haked, éweatins, provd to be He Ipeeener, Too Maver, Stacker of wheat, Piawer with Rail yoads And Froight hardier te the’ cnicage's Favogire Pome 8 CARL FUCRIN' SANDBURG! NEWSPAPER Tea YE?! THis 16 MY HOME Town ! THE WINDY CITY HOME OF THE UNION StocKYAROS, THE WeGle4 BUILDING ANO| Dick THE BRUISER” BIRTHPLACE oF MES. O'LEARY'S Cow, PLAYBOY MAGAZING -KNO THE B-houe Work DAG CHIchee, EL-A-Noy- ++ WHERE THE mieuTy. WATERS oF LAKE MICHIGAN| course FREE) INTO Friar aged FLOWING sHAMgock SHAKE caLLeo| THe cHicAGo eIvER - WHERE MEN Have. Mave up FOR Goo's loversienr 64 CREATING] There own” TERRAIN oF STEEL AND MORTAR ON Paes “Mlowesreen PURINE « LONG HAS our TOWN, Been A sceouED OF VPHEAVAL™= FROM THE WiWAM” CONVENTION To| hie HaymaAeKeT eors OUR POLITICAL IDEAS, WHETHER EMANATING Emon city HALL of BuGHouse SauakE Rave BEEN MeaRD Bo THE EARS OF AN Envious woReo- OF course. chicago 16" nCS0 enown Foe Some OTHER THINGS: Like PouricaL coreuPrion, A GESTAPO! Like Pouce Foece AND THAT UN- 6200s Nasau TWANG NOT To MENTION AL CAPONE, RICHARD SPECK FOUN WAYNE GACY, eorolo AND LoeB AND re 3949 BeacK Sox"BELIEVE ME, THERE Awe works oF art” Tp ewe ANUTHING TO Gee AGAIN” Like THIS FOINTIULST H CLOWN, DRAWING. & YON DECIDE TO STICK IT Our Foe ALL FOUR YEARS Gowu HAVE ONE oF THESE OR RICH HOFEMAN'S SELF ~ PORTRAIT I cant Beoin to 00 qustice 10 THIS AMAZING Plece oF Aer! og ANYTHING 69 THIS RENE RIDDEN METALHEAD FEOM LONG ISLAND WHOSE NAME ‘T° FoeGer ( LENNY SOMETHING) INEPT DRAWINGS OF PIN-UP BIRLS copieo com GRWERY MAGKLINE: 1e wowRE IN ART SCHOOL, BeING| A CAMERA To CLASS AND USE (Tl GET THE MOST Gut, OF Your TUITION DOLLAR ! "ASSISTAN, RECTOR (We eT) REMEMBER, THE ONLY PIECE Ge PAPER LESS VALUABLE TWO FABULOUS T0Bs TO Look FORWARD To : 2) RETAIL SALES IN Rev auPPug store: mM Ht 2GRUNTE THAN ONE OF YOUR PAINTINGS ISR BFA: DEGREE - YOu GOULD ALWAUS PUT INA FEW MORE GEARS AND Become AN Agr TEACHER gour Sele ( STEADY PAYCHECK, PASSO, ETC.) You HAVE A veRy INTERESTING BONE SteUCTURE, GEGALDINE... 5 --EK--Z WONDER IF You'd UKE To pose FoR SOME PH-PHOTOGRAPHS ~~ Anowas wou GET THE PICTARE..youve BEEN WARNED «I've Done MY. Reece iw MENTION CARTOONING IN ART SCHOOL BECAUSE IT 1S MINDLESS AND CONTEMPTIBLE AND COMPLETELD UNSUITABLE AS A CAREER GOAL! 3GIGHE T WAS REALLY HOPING FoR SOMETHING MoE SUBSTANTIAL Feom Dogs eror WWengrRaTions | FoR PLAMBING| TeKTBooKs DIGz pie! Ciho!1. BAT T DON'T REALLY WANT TO GET into ANY oF THAT Sture , ANQWAY-- THE FACT (6 5 DON'T REALLY HAVE MUCH OF A FEEL FOR CHICAGO HisTORY.. T MEAN, = GREW UP IN THE "70'S FOR CHRIGSAKES! IT'S FUNNY, BUT WHEN T THINK OF CHICAGO DURING THOSE DANS ONLY ONE IMAGE Comes To MIND” AN ENTIRE CITY MADE UP OF THOSE “YE OLDE TUPE BARS AND RESTAURANTS WITH THE INTENTIONALLY @00en WC: FIGLDS- INSPIRED NAMES «You KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABouT-- EVERY TOWN MUST'VE HAD AT LEAST ONE, RiGHTZ IN CHICAGO, THEY WERE EVERYWHERE --. ON every ‘CORNER’ INsIDE, THEY WERE ALL THE SAME” DARK AND CLUTTERED, WITH "PLAYER. PIANG MUSIC, PEANAT SHELLS ON THE eLooe, HAROLD LLOYO. Movies PRrosecteD on A BARE BRicKe WALLIN THE BACK, FAKE SIONS READING “BEER-- 55", BREE PopcoRN: WHAT WAG THis ALL ABOUT? 16 IT JUST ME? WHY THiS “PEANUT SHELL AESTHETIC” 2 ZX DUNNO. J MEAN, T guess THe snacestion OF A 3990's SPEAKEASY KAD SoMeTHiNe To Do WITH CHICReD SEARCHING For ITS “ibewtity” "BUT JESUS CHRIST. THOSE. FUCKING PEANUT SHELLS! HWA TT WAS AG THOUGH WE AG CHICASZANS HAD ACCEPTED OUR ROLE AS “LOVABLE losers” (wuicn KicKeD-IN WHEN THE CUBS Lost THE PENNANT TOTHE METS IN4969) AND CHugse To DWE IN A TooTHLESS PREAMWORLD OF FALSE NOSTALGIA FOR AN ERA WHEN WE Were THE BADDEST MOTHERFUCKER? ON THE PLANET--- Pretty PATHETIC! mm 45.2 5 rN Sy arc SI S iS ce (0 [However AS THE "3076 TooK SHAPE , THERE BEGAN To Develop A Mowe ASSERTIVE POSTURE. TIRED OF BEING OUTCLASSED. 69 MORE GLAMOROUS CITIES, CHICAGO DECLARED “We Age LITERATE, ALCOHOLE ; WORKING-CLASS, Clock PUNCHING ‘LouTS ANO We COVE (tT THAT WAY: Fuck you ALL. * Shas aes190 (*) RELEASE OF THE “BLUES THE CUBS, BEARS, Ere. Winning 8046 , kick ‘ass. DEVELOPED \e NEED BE, owe owe THIS ATTITADE FIRST SURFACED WITH THE BrovHeRs” MOVIE AND CRYSTALLIZE? WHEN, IN THE MID “20'S ACTUALLY STARTED We WEREN'T GUPeRSTAR GLAMOUR TUT COMMON FOLKS WHO COULD, A SMUGNESS HOLLY WOOD CREATED PERSONALITIES WHO, SYMBOLIZED THIS BURGEONING AESTHETIC THE QUINTESSENTIAL EXAMPLE OF THIS GENGE WOULO Be TIM BELASHI ; NATIVE SON AND HONORARY BLUES BEOTHER , HIS PERSONA PERFECTLY SUMS UP THE CHICAGO SELF-IMAGE: A BIG UGLY, Lour, OBNOXIONS, BEER- DRINKING, Le WBREW (wire IO 8 NCOMMON SENSE "HEART OF 60LD! WALK IN ANY BAR ON THE NORTH SIDE OF CHICAGO ANO Youu Se HALE A DOZEN BEL*SHI-TYPES HANGING our. THEY'2E AG UBIQUITOUS AS THE PEANUT SHELLS THEY REPLACED. 1g moe TODAY, IF BNUTHING , 5 KeQ ELEMENT, CULTURE. APPEAL To THE THiS WHOLE THING 15] PRONOUNCED. OBNOKIOUS- NESS Seems To Be THE 16 TallogeD TO THERE ARE COMEDY CLUBS, BOORIGH. PHONY “TELL: IT- LiKE TIS" TALK RADIO STATIONS ANO BLUES CLUBS WHeee ALL: WHITE WPPER- MIDDLE CLASS AUDIENCES WHO IMAGINE THEMSELVES To HAVE "Soul" ike To CONGREGATE- IMPLy MoRe Ae tocaL BELWSHI- ear WoT THE HELL-..THe PEPE S'M REFERRING To ARE “PROBABLY MosTLY FROM THe GuBuees of HICES FROM DOWNSTATE ANQWAY:” AND: Goo KNOWS THewe Awe ‘STILL PLENTY oF zeacons To Live IN CHICAGO. tke. WACK) BeerLe FACE PATE GrReet FR INSTANCE, THIS BAILEY ISH ABANDONED HOT 00G SHACK ON NORTH LASALLE oe THe HOUSE OF BORIS ONAN,ned from inside ~ A NOW ABOUT THE OR THe “Human BLices' : okeneo course ot AE rae mulgtune of SCIENCE OR “REO 66, INC GAR FIELO G.o05t, ow "AND iNoUereY OLEAS thr ine haSeun OF BRORBCASTING” mae Pas Sees ‘cenruey [a Stowe THAT S€US NOTHING Bur SWenprED Bev EC6S AND PLEASE DON'T MISUNDERSTAND--x'vE GoT NOTHING AGAINST BLUES OR ALCOHOLISM of FaetBAUL (woot Wook WOOF !) OF EVEN OBNOXIOUS Negec. (fs Just THAT THEY Lose THER CHARI WHEN ADOPTED 84 THE AMAINST REAM IN Buc A UMANNERED, Au2 CALCH LATED, WAY... WHEN THE GUYS MAKING Like JOE LUNCHPAIL Ake ACTUALLY STOC KBROKERS BUT ENOUGH ABOUT THEM-- PEOPLE Suck EVEROWHERE! CHICAS IG A BEAUTIFUL BURCE, “A DARI AND DECAYING TESTAMENT TO THE SAD BEAMTY OF BLEALNESS AND UNFULFILLED PROMISES een ea AND WHEN WE OIG THERE win Be A SPECIAL Conner IN HELL RESERVED FOR CHICAGOANS WHE@E THE DAMNED Age FORCED To DRINK OLD STYLE BEER WHILE LISTENING To AN ETEGNAL MEDLEY OF BLE STANDARDS PERFORMED BY JIM BELUSH! AND BRUCE WILLIS (ow HARMONICA) --> BEE YOU THERE! 1" Thankd fa thy Phe at + G.tesh