mind+energy

Running down the brai

A look at how athletics can damage a students mental health
S to r y B y S a r a h D av i s

in

emale distance runners from

around the country glided down
the lanes at New Yorks indoor
Armory Track. Laura Steel, sidelined with Achilles tendonitis and
her University of Pennsylvania jersey packed away in her travel bag,
watched in envy the leanness
in their arms and legs, the ease in
which they competed, the running
times she only dreamed of.
I wanted to know what their secret
was, said Steel, an alumna of Penn
seeking to go to medical school. I remember thinking, I bet theyre really
healthy.
That was the start to the mind
games. For the 24-year-old, her mental battle was an eating disorder. For
some collegiate student-athletes, its
coping with depression after a losing
season. For others, its completely
disintegrating under the pressure to
meet high standards in the classroom as well as on the playing field.
For many, being a student-athlete at
any school becomes about perfectionism and having a never-ending
hunger for victory.
Steels athletic and academic career at Penn began in 2008 when she
traveled from Jacksonville, Fla., and
enrolled as a freshman at the urban
Ivy League school, a place where city
life and hard work collide.
The challenging environment
made me feel often like I was treading water in a very deep ocean, she
said, just trying to keep my head
above it and not look down.
A top-five runner on the Penn
cross-country team as a freshman,
Steel had set high standards for herself at the start of her first indoor
track season. But when her Achilles
injury left her sidelined from workouts and jumping into a pool to aqua
jog, she had little left to keep her
mental energy up.
I didnt even have track to give me
some sense of fulfillment, she said.

During this month or so, I decided

I was going to channel that frustration into eating healthy.
Slowly shedding pounds, Steel began to improve on the track. Eight
months later, what had started as
good intentions left her with her
weight and GPA dropping quickly.
I didnt weigh myself everyday,
but I knew, she said. I would sometimes lie about things to avoid meeting people for meals and was extremely agitated all the time.
It wasnt until her roommates
made a pancake breakfast that she
realized her relationship with food,
and with herself, had deteriorated.
Something within her told her not to
eat, that she wasnt allowed. Steel began to see the rules dictating her life
and the anxiety choking her.
I felt cornered and attacked, she
said. It took me admitting to myself
that I had a problem before any healing could even begin, and that was
tough.
Turning to a friend and former
member of the Penn track team, Steel
poured out the feelings that had been
eating her up for half a year: feelings
of inadequacy in her sport, being too
self-critical, and above all, feelings of
not being good enough. Steels friend
immediately searched for doctors
and specialists who could help her.
After one year of doctors appointments, counseling sessions and nutritionist visits, I had gained back
enough weight to begin competing,
Steel said. Those women are the
reasons why I want to be a doctor.
But the road to recovery was by no
means easy.
I was very sneaky, she said. Before weigh-ins, I would chug water or
wear the thickest sweaters I owned.
But [her support team] held me accountable every step of the way.
Before she made a full-recovery,
along with running personal bests
on the track her senior year, she was

the energy issue | ORANGE + BLUE MAGAZINE

55

mind+energy
with UF student-athletes.
Were investing a lot
more and expecting a lot
more of our student-athletes, Jenkins said. If we
dont support them to balance that out, were going
to see more anxiety, more
depression.
Jenkins was inspired
to pursue a profession in
sports counseling by her
own experiences as a hurdler on the UF track team.
Athletes at this level a
lot of times are developmentally delayed because
they have been spending
all of their time training,
she said. They dont have
the same luxuries as everyone else does to date, go
abroad or even to study.
Jenkins office, decorated with comfy couches
and plush pillows, offers
students a space to forget
about 6 a.m. stadiums, vent
about coaches or discuss
anything they are struggling with and potentially
be holding them back in
their sport. She also meets
Photo courtesy of Laura Steel
with them on campus for
Steel, competing for the Bryn Mawr Running Company after
better convenience.
graduating from the University of Pennsylvania in 2012.
If
[student-athletes]
have someone telling them
still labeled the sick girl. And labels what to do every moment of the day,
can have a powerful effect on some- managing their every minute, and
one.
theyre not having any opportunities
So powerful, in fact, sports coun- to explore who they are and what
seling and psychology has only re- they want, then they need someone
cently become a profession of its to step in and advocate for them, she
own. Many Division I schools have said.
yet to hire a sports counselor directly
For Jenkins, its about the person,
affiliated with their athletic depart- not the athletic performance.
ments. Why? The negative stigma
Theyre not robots, she said.
that comes with counseling could They need permission to just be
offer one answer.
who they are. Anybody who focusJaime Jenkins, a sports counselor es on results or performances as the
affiliated with the University of Flor- end all be all is really neglecting the
ida, didnt even know her profession whole process.
existed before coming to UF, where
UF employs full-time nutritionshe studied exercise science. Now, ists, strength coaches, athletic trainwith a Ph.D. in mental health coun- ers and doctors to work one-on-one
seling, she owns a private practice with athletes in all 13 sports, but not
in Gainesville and works primarily a sports counselor. Although affili-

56 ORANGE + BLUE MAGAZINE | summer 2014

ated with the school, Jenkins only

provides a service to UF as an independent contractor. In other words,
the university could drop her at any
moment with no strings attached.
As a result, job security serves as her
biggest challenge.
Nicole Noyes, a Ph.D. student at Indiana University Bloomington, said
she believes the answer lies in the
stigma attached to the title of counselor.
For a domain that prides itself on
toughness, addressing mental health
is often seen as grounds for failure or
weakness, she said. On the contrary,
de-stigmatizing mental illness may
actually lead to better performance
outcomes and greater resources for
athletes.
The psychological tolls elite athletes undergo are rising, and the
headlines are reflecting that. Sasha Menu Courey, a swimmer at the
University of Missouri, and Madison
Holleran, a distance runner at Penn,
recently committed suicide, breaking
hearts around the country. According to the National Collegiate Athletic Association (NCAA), Suicide was
the third-leading cause of death of
student-athletes from 2004-08, after
accidents and cardiac causes.
[Hollerans death] really hit home
for many of us because if we did not
see ourselves in her shoes, we have
close friends who we know felt her
same pressures, said Steel, who
graduated Penn the year after Holleran had started her freshman year.
What I hope the younger members
of the team can hear is no matter
what fight you are fighting, you do
not have to fight alone.
Steel said her doctor, nutritionist and counselor were the support
system that saved her life, and if a
school has these resources, more
athletes should take advantage of
them. Noyes, who competed in crew
at Holy Cross University, said she
wished she had support resources to
help her through her four years as a
collegiate student-athlete.
Sport psychology consultants
can make it a point to promote services to coaches and teams, Noyes

said. But coaching staff and administration need to be willing to actively support and promote this access.
For Christine Moore, being mentally strong is the backbone to not
only her individual athletic success,
but also overall team success. As a
computer science freshman from
Oklahoma, when Moore, 19, isnt
cramming for her next calculus
exam, shes spiking and setting on
UFs sandy beach volleyball courts.
Having once been a pressure-driven elite high school player, she now
chooses to see the sport as fun rather
than solely a competition.
If I messed up once, I would just
shrink into a shell and never come
back out, and then from there on out,
I would think everything I did was
bad, she said. My intensity came off
as being rude, and I lost favor in a lot
of my teammates eyes.
Moore looks back at this attitude
and calls it her old self. Although
shes overcome many mental struggles on the court, they often have a
knack for reemerging something
she experienced over spring break
while playing a friendly tournament
with her boyfriend.
I wanted to impress him, and I put
so much pressure on myself It really scared me because it showed me
that if you stop being mentally tough
for just one second, everything can
just flood back, she said.
The pressure to be perfect in every play was something instilled in
her by her first coach in eighth grade,
who verbally tore her down after every missed pass or set.

I went home every day after pracThe UF Counseling and Wellness

tice crying, she said. It kind of killed Center provides a relaxation room
my self-esteem, and it wasnt just in for its patients as well as its stuthe sports aspect, but overall as a dent-athletes. Computers stations
person.
contain software such as Wild DiTo combat her old-self and over- vine, which is used to teach people
come in-game perfectionism, she how to change physiological aspects
relied heavily on the support of oth- of their bodies that may be affecters. The words of her
ing their mood or in
father, which helped
athletes cases, their
If I messed up
her through her midperformance.
Such
dle-school days, of- once, I would just
techniques
include
ten echo in her ears:
meditation
games,
shrink into a shell
Work hard and prove
breathing
exercises,
her wrong. And when and never come back and learning to moniher high school coach out, and then from
tor heart rate and body
asked her why she put there on out, I would
temperature.
so much pressure on
[Biofeedback] prothink everything I did vides
herself if she was dofeedback on the
ing her best, Moore just was bad.
neural changes in the
CHRISTINE MOORE
shook her head.
body and helps bring
I dont know why, STUDENT ATHLE TE
it into our cognitive
but that just clicked
awareness, so that the
for some reason, she said. When participant can respond intentionalyou have coaches yelling at you or ly rather than reactively, said Jenfrustrations between teammates, kins, who had formerly assisted UF
the most important thing you can do students in the biofeedback process.
and the best thing you can do to win
Although many collegiate and prois to keep your mental game strong, fessional athletes undergo feedback
and I think thats more important training as a way to stay attune with
than being physically strong.
their bodies, reduce stress and enHad she chosen to pursue play- hance performance, Steel never has
ing at the collegiate level, Moore said and may never have to. Right now,
she definitely would have used any she said shes just enjoying the ride.
sports counseling resources availIn the pitch-black Philadelphia
able. She looks up to volleyball Olym- evenings, with only running shoe repians like Misty May-Treanor and flectors as her guide, she sprints hill
Kerri Walsh Jennings who undergo repeats alongside other members of
neurofeedback training in order to the Bryn Mawr Running Company.
combat their own psychological set- Preparing for the 2014 Boston Marabacks.
thon, she enjoys the atmosphere of a
Its the third day of the tourna- new team, new workouts, but above
ment, youre exhausted and all, a new inspiration.
you know you dont have
When I start to think Im crazy for
anything. It comes down choosing to continue training alongto how badly you want it side my future career goals, I think
and how deep youre gon- about the fact that I am running
na push, she said. I think with all people who make the effort
its then that you really find to keep running as a part of their life
out how mentally tough because it makes them happy, she
you are.
said. I have been so lucky to find role
models and supportive friends who
WORKING TOGETHER
have shown me that it can be done.

Sarah Davis/ Orange + Blue Magazine

The support of coaches and

teammates is a crucial aspect
in overcoming both mental and
physical challenges in sports.
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