Emotional Intelligence and Vulnerability

Position Paper #1
Ebony Pasquarelli
February 10th, 2015
As teachers, it is important for us to be able to identify when students are struggling,
developing well, and succeeding with the lessons and activities we create for them. We know
that individual students learn differently, are interested in different things, come from different
backgrounds and will experience learning in different ways based on a number of variables. We
also know that high school can be a complicated time full of stress, changes, new workloads,
relationships, and vulnerability, and that these hardships and potential distractions can cause
stress and/or anxiety for our students that can affect their academic performances. Realistically
speaking, nobody likes to feel vulnerable; when we are vulnerable, we feel at risk of failure and
rejection. In a state of vulnerability, we may feel as if our efforts are futile, and that failure is
inevitable, thus stunting our self-confidence and willingness to learn. As compassionate
teachers, we all want to protect our students from feeling vulnerable so that they can succeed,
but research professor Brene Brown argues that vulnerability is compulsory to learning about
ourselves and progressing toward success. She conducted six years of research to inquire
about the essence of being whole-hearted vs. being vulnerables and shameful. What is it
about a person that allows them to feel contented, valued, worthy, loved, and successful?
Brene Browns speech, in conjunction with Daniel Goemans article, What Makes a Leader?,
gives me reason to believe that in order to be effective educators, teachers must learn to
embrace vulnerability in a way that will allow us to become more in tune with our own social,
academic and personal learning styles so that we can model for our students a sense of
ownership of our learning. If we can learn to embrace circumstances of vulnerability and learn a
few things about ourselves in the process, we can encourage our students to embrace the
awkward and vulnerable situations with positive attitudes so they can learn and grow.

Teachers are constantly assessing students behaviour and academic progress, but I
think it is important to encourage students to develop a sense of ownership over their own
learning. Teachers, in a sense, act as leaders in our classrooms. We are there to lead a
classroom of students to derive new ideas, create relationships among their peers and mentors,
and to ask questions about the content we deliver to them. Teachers are a unique breed of
people in that way; we have all won at school. We like to learn new things and then share our
findings with our peers, exploring new ideas and questioning our thoughts. This is most evident
in a Teachers College classroom when observing Teacher Candidates learning processes and
discussions. Goeman says the most effective leaders are all alike in one crucial way: they all
have a high degree of what has come to be known as emotional intelligence. He argues that
even with a high IQ, a high degree of technical skill, and a bunch of fabulous ideas, a person
who lacks emotional intelligence, will not be a very strong leader. This rings true in many
teaching scenarios. We all know people who are incredibly intelligent, but who lack social skills.
Goeman suggests that while this type of person may be knowledgeable and equally qualified,
they will not be efficient in a leadership role. He identifies Self-Awareness, Self- Regulation,
Empathy, Motivation and Social Skills as the skills needed to be Emotionally Intelligent, and thus
a strong leader. These skills involve the ability to recognize our own moods, emotions and
drives, the ability to redirect disruptive impulses or moods, suspend our judgement, the ability to
build rapport and find common ground with others, and treat other people according to their
reactions. I would argue that though some of these abilities are unique to a personality type,
these are also skills that require practice and active participation on a regular basis, and that we
can improve our Emotional Intelligence over time. Goeman explains that people who are selfaware are more likely to admit when they have made a mistake or when they are uncomfortable
in a situation. As a teacher, it is so important to be able to admit that we are not perfect! Being
imperfect is a part of being human, and students will understand and appreciate our ability to
remain grounded with ourselves. Goeman also says that people who are in control of their

feelings and impulses are able to create fair and trusting environments, free of judgement. This
sounds like an ideal classroom environment; open, fair, productive, honest. If teachers aspire to
create a safe space in their classrooms, the first step would be to develop a sense of control
and understanding of his/her own emotions and to model that control for his/her students.
Goeman also acknowledges motivation and passion as qualities of a good leader, and these
qualities are incredibly important when fostering an engaging classroom environment.
While the qualities and skills developed through Emotional Intelligence are ideal, how
can we aspire to reach a high degree of Emotional Intelligence? Brene Brown suggests that
being able to embrace vulnerability and moments of weakness is crucial to developing a strong
sense of self. She acknowledges the moment where your boss gives you a million
compliments and one opportunity for growth. She explains that as people, we naturally fear
failure, and will thus focus on that opportunity for growth, dismissing the compliments that
preceded. We tend to dwell on the challenges and difficult times, rather than embracing those
moments as learning opportunities. Brown says when she asks clients about love, they talk
about heartbreak; when she asks them about belonging, they tell her their most excruciating
stories about exclusion. The less we talk about this sense of shame and negativity, the more we
will experience it.
Brene Brown talks about how people tend to numb their pain. We eat junk food, drink
alcohol, turn to drugs, gamble and gossip as a means of numbing the feelings we would rather
disregard. Rather than embracing these moments of vulnerability, we just avoid them. Brown
argues, however, that if we are numbing our bad feelings, we will never truly experience good
feelings. We cannot selectively numb. If we numb sadness, we will not be able to know what
it feels like to be truly happy. If we numb boredom, we will not experience authentic excitement.
If we numb sorrow, we will not be able to experience genuine joy. These comparisons relate to
teaching because if we try to mask our moments of weakness in the classroom, itll be very hard
for us to truly see what a genuinely engaging lesson plan looks like, or what a charged

discussion sounds like in class. Brown talks about Whole-heartedness as being a sense of
courage; courage to be imperfect. She challenges us to be compassionate and kind to
ourselves, because in order to practice compassion with others, we need to know how to be
kind to ourselves. If we are able to practice compassion and empathy, we will be able to
develop deeper, more authentic connections with our peers, friends, families and students, and
will thus be able to feel more whole-hearted and connected. Rather than trying to protect
ourselves and our students from struggle and heartbreak, Brown challenges us to take on a new
view that says You are imperfect and you are wired for struggle, but you are WORTHY of love
and belonging. She challenges us to stop trying to perfect ourselves, our minds, our bodies,
our spirits, and to embrace imperfection, be brave, and learn something new about ourselves.
I think if teachers practice the lessons from Brown and Goeman, we would develop a
much stronger sense of confidence in the classroom, which would then be more positively
modeled for our students to practice. It is so important for us to be able to practice Emotional
Intelligence so that we can better understand ourselves and our students, and to embrace
vulnerability as an opportunity for growth and development, so that we can empower our
students to do the same.